(soft music)



 Boo.



 No opening today or intro screen today. Wait, am I live? Can you guys tell me if I'm live? Cause I can't tell. Am I live? Or did I just talk to myself?



 Hello?



 Oh, you are? Okay. All right, cool.



 Okay, cool. Bye guys.



 This is the most spontaneous.



 Let's get the shit out of me. Something just like dropped and like, I don't like living by myself. I think something just dropped and scared the shit out of me. Anyways, this is the most spontaneous gorilla I've ever done. There's no opening cause I just wanted to like stream



 as soon as I could, you know? I just want to check in with everyone, okay? Want to make sure you guys are doing okay.



 I missed all the recent events.



 I know you guys are smart enough not to ask me anything that I probably can't answer and Loki don't really want to answer probably. So I'll take it that you guys understand to do that. Do that.



 Was that my breaking point yesterday? No.



 I know. You know what guys? I know a lot of you guys are really stressed.



 I am super stressed too.



 But here's the thing, listen here. I have been stressed my whole life. And so at this point, I think I'm just really familiar with this feeling.



 But one thing that really, really, really, really bothered me



 was the fact that,



 well I posted in memberships on the community forums this afternoon.



 You know, I just wanted you guys to write down your thoughts



 and just how you felt and stuff. It could be anything. I usually do that I think when times are stressful for you guys or when I witness that times are stressful for you guys. So I usually want to like,



 just give you guys a place as safe as possible. I mean, it's not gonna be the safest place because we're all on the internet. But like, just as safe as possible for you guys just to voice what you felt. And I always make sure to tell you guys it doesn't matter if you disagree with each other or if there's something that you disagree on, something, something. If there's someone who's spouting hate, I would rather you leave them alone and just let them express themselves because it is like, you know, I do think it is within their right to say what they want to say, you know? And I have no problem.



 Like I myself, speaking only for myself, have no problem dealing with things like that. So I wanted to make a stream



 to reassure you guys



 that I am absolutely okay



 and I will absolutely be okay.



 I'm not a strong person, but like,



 you know, like this, I mean, I don't know how else to put it, but like I've just gone through so much that like, you know, it really needs to be, it's really hard to top my top five traumas, you know? Like, you know, I say it as a joke, but it's unfortunately and sadly very true. I think,



 I think as stressful as days can come,



 you know, at least for my life experience,



 I do believe the most stressful days are over for me. Please don't jinx it, but yeah. So I just wanted to make a stream to let you guys know



 that I'm like really okay. Cause I know you guys, a lot of you guys were writing like, oh my God, are you okay? And I'm like, I'm okay.



 Like, I'm like, guys, don't worry about me. Although honestly though, like, am I stressed? Yes, absolutely. I'm like super stressed. I didn't really want to mention this, but yesterday I got really sick. Well, I had a headache and you know, I was just like, oh, I'm not drinking enough water. And then I had a fever and I was like, whoa, I never get fevers just like out of nowhere, you know? So I was like, okay, well,



 I think it's a stress fever and those are definitely like something I get.



 But I feel much better today. I don't have a fever. Babu also visited me yesterday



 and she like, you know, hung out with me. We just like enjoyed each other's company.



 And we also fortunately visited Fanta's pre-birthday stream. By the way, it's his birthday today. So make sure if you guys are up for it, like just greet him a nice happy birthday today.



 So I'm definitely okay.



 But you know, there was something that was bothering me, which was like the amount of people I saw, at least in the membership post, that I made of you guys saying how freaking stressed you were. And I was like,



 and I was like, oh damn, like, I was legit like kind of worried about you guys. Like there were some people saying some, well, nobody was saying anything like scary. Like, oh my God, I think I'm going to like off myself. You know, obviously not to that extent, but there were quite a bit of people who were very stressed. And part of the reason why they were stressed was also because they were worried about the livers and stuff like that. So I just wanted to like give my part of reassurance that I'm totally okay. You guys know I'm a really strong girl, sort of.



 Or like, I'm just really numb or something. And yeah, I just wanted to like show up today. I wasn't gonna stream, but then I was like, well, I'm not really doing anything because I am stressed, but like I'm like unproductively stressed, you know? There's like days where I'm stressed, but I can do things. And then there's days where I'm stressed and I just absolutely can't do anything.



 So I was like, might as well just like sit down with some of the aloo peeps that are still kind of roaming around and like just let you guys have a little bit of peace of mind.



 Yeah.



 I have to drink a lot of water because you know, I don't want to get a fever again. Cause like, God, every time I have a fever, my body aches like crazy.



 Yeah.



 Thanks for the consideration. Hope everyone will be fine. Stay strong. We'll always be with you. Honestly guys, I really appreciate all the nice messages.



 Not just me, but a lot of the lovers too.



 You know, it's crazy lately. And I don't know, like, you know, I definitely know not everybody's life is going to be like so hectic like this all the time. And the only reason why I think I can like handle it is because I've gone through even more hectic. But I do understand and I do remember being very, very severely stressed by, you know, just very unpredictable and sometimes predictable and just some just things that are just even like, even if it's like really good things, like it's still stressful, you know, just things that happen. So yeah.



 Yeah, I don't really have a plan of this membership. Another reason why I wanted to stream memberships was because I know a lot of you guys like are like unmembered. So I wanted to like do one more just to make it worth your money.



 Seriously. Some people are like, yeah, I have like my reasons and I'm gonna like unmembered and that's absolutely, absolutely fine. Please feel free to do that. I just wanted to do one more stream. Just to kind of like, I don't know, make it worth your money a little bit. So it's not gonna be much. I'm not gonna be really doing anything in this stream, but probably talking. But I just thought it would be maybe more worth somebody's money. So I hope that works. I don't know. Yeah.



 Yeah.



 You guys are taking, you guys are typing a little fast. What's happening? Why is there so many, there are so many members and. I'm like, I can't read this fast guys. Usually the membership chat is not even that fast. What's going on? Maybe I haven't streamed. That's why.



 Okay, let me get my chapstick because I left it in the living room.



 (soft music) All right.



 Well, I mean, I wanna ask you guys.



 I wanna ask you guys how you guys are feeling, but I kind of have a gist.



 Sorry, this is how I cope too, okay? If you think I'm laughing because I'm not taking anything seriously, then that's not true. Okay, that's just how I've always like coped. And it works guys. It has worked my whole life, okay? Don't judge. But yeah, I wanna like ask you guys, how are you guys doing?



 You are strong in this kind of situations you make feel strong.



 Thank you. Thank you, I appreciate that. I think I know what you're trying to say.



 Thanks for letting me know you're okay. Oh yeah, I'm totally okay, don't worry guys.



 Sending love and support to end on the puke. Thank you, thank you guys.



 Sad, stressed, honestly, I cope like that too, no worries. In real life, good online, oh boy, I feel like I stepped on spikes.



 Probably be my last membership stream ever, but I wish you well, no problem. You're welcome back anytime.



 And this is what I wanted to address



 because there's so many like people stressed out. Let me just, I've said this before and I'll say it again until the day I stopped streaming.



 If you are not comfortable and you need to step back from whatever it is, you need to stop watching or I don't know,



 just get off the internet, get off Twitter, get off X or whatever social media, please do it. Please, please do it. Because the most important thing, and I will always tell you guys this because I need to practice this more too, is your mental health and physical health, which kind of is like very closely correlated together.



 So please make sure that if you're just not in the best place, it is absolutely okay to turn off your computer or just not be on social media if you need to be on your computer, I guess. And just step away. You don't have to engage in any, you know,



 you don't have to spend your whole day



 talking to someone you don't know because you feel strongly about defending someone you admire. You can do that. I'm not saying you shouldn't at all. If you want to and you really, really can't help it, then the natural, the natural response is to do that and you can.



 But my advice is not to do that because I want you guys to not waste your energy



 trying to change the opinions of other people that you don't know. There's a reason why people have opinions and it's okay that they have opinions even if sometimes those opinions are very hurtful and hateful but in order for, you know, in order for good to happen, the bad will have to come along with it. And so it only makes sense that during these times, there will be like a lot of noise,



 like so much noise that you almost can't hear like silence but there is like, there is both, okay? So it's just my analogy. I try to do analogies and maybe sometimes it doesn't work out too well but I try my best and I hope you guys know what I mean. I just mean that like things coexist good and bad. So just let it happen and if you yourself can't handle it, please take care of yourself first because I see a lot of people in the membership posts



 talk about them breaking down, having like panic attacks



 and you know, like it's all valid and you know, the way that you feel will always be the way that you feel so you can't really control that but you can't control your actions which is, you know, if you know that you are going to be very, very like affected by negative things that you see



 or something that upsets you, you can step away from it and you should. So that's just what I wanted to like stream and talk about today.



 And if you're absolutely just like chilling, cool.



 Good for you.



 There were some people that were like, yeah, I'm just chilling, I don't know what's going on. Okay, like here's your crown king. I mean, good.



 Like, you know, it's okay to be ignorant too to some degree, you know, not to everything but like in this case, it's totally fine. You know, not everybody needs to know everything that's going on, you know?



 So yeah, that's all I wanted to say. Now make sure you do that guys. I was kind of low key, kind of worried about you guys. I'm not gonna lie, like I was like, oh, you know, I know you guys are just strangers to me and we just have like a streamer and fan relationship but you know, I know behind the screen, there are real people that like have feelings and like, you know, a lot of opinions and we think a lot. So I just thought that like, you know, the very least I can do, I think is to let you guys and I'm okay. And I know like me being okay will probably make some people feel more reassured and relaxed.



 And yeah, so like, yeah, I just wanted to do that. That's all.



 My friends are canceling memberships and unsubbing for recent reasons. I wanna support and watch my own shoes. I don't know what to do, I'm sorry.



 I mean, I'm sure nobody knows what to do. I mean, I'm not gonna lie, so don't worry about it. We're all in the same boat to some, we're all in the same ocean, not even boat. Fuck the boat, the boat is too small. The ocean, we are all in the ocean and we were all lost and that is okay because it is an ocean. You cannot blame the ocean for being big. You cannot blame each other for being lost in the ocean because we are all in the ocean and we don't know where to go. It's okay. Just do what you wanna do. If you wanna do what your friends wanna do, if you feel like you wanna do something else, I'm sure your friends, if they're good ones, will be like, okay.



 I think if you are surrounded by people who are trying to force you to do something that you don't wanna do, then that's a different issue. That's a you issue. That means you gotta find new friends and your friends need to be better people. So that's my opinion. It's actually as simple as that. If you wanna do something, you should just do it. I mean, don't kill someone.



 I mean, like in this situation, if you feel like stepping back, do it. But don't do it because someone else is telling you that. Do it because you genuinely need to for yourself. That's what I mean, okay?



 I've been coping by playing league is the worst way to cope I have ever heard in my life. You should stop that right now and that is the only thing that I will literally tell you not to do. Okay, like please, log off right now. Jesus Christ, uninstall that game.



 I'm sorry, no matter what the situation is, there is no reason as to why you need to go to League of Legends for coping.



 Okay.



 Okay, what else did I wanna say? I also want to say something else.



 Oh, I think I said everything.



 But yeah, that's it. Sorry guys, not really exciting.



 But yeah, guys, take a deep breath, really.



 Everything is gonna be okay. You can call me naive for saying that. You can call me overly optimistic. And you guys know firsthand, I am not the most optimistic thing ever. I always believe the next day, I will get hit by a truck or something. If something good happens to me, I'm like, well, I'm dead.



 But when I say things are gonna be okay, I truly mean it because it's like, let's say I did get hit by a truck tomorrow. Well, I'm dead, I don't have to finish all my work. That's lowkey, I mean, thank you, but you know, preferably not.



 But I'm just saying, like,



 it's gonna be okay. Like, I don't know what's gonna happen. I don't know like, you know, what direction I personally,



 I'm gonna be like heading towards from this year onwards, but it's gonna be okay.



 Because I have a roof over my head.



 I have food that I can eat. And I have the option to choose what I want to eat.



 I have really good friends that,



 you know, in times like these, they literally can just walk over. And we can sit down, we can cry together, we can laugh together, we can watch something together. I have, you know, my family that needs me to be strong for them because they're lowkey, like they need my help.



 But I mean, like, you know, I have all these people around me and I need to,



 I have responsibilities, you know? So, you know, what I mean is that when you have responsibilities in life, you need to be relatively open you need to be relatively okay, you know? And I have a very supportive community. I believe that my community is very supportive and I very much appreciate that, you know? Even when people do need to step back and explain to me why, it's always in a manner where it's really peaceful and with full understanding.



 And, you know, I could never, I could never ever be upset with somebody in my community or mad at somebody in my community for feeling a certain way because they've just been so awesome



 the times that they were like here, you know? So, like it's very rare for someone just to be here for two years with me and then for some random day they'll be like, you fucking bitch, you traitor and you, I hate you. Like it could happen but it's pretty like,



 first of all, that's very like irrational behavior and second of all, that's just very rare, you know? So, like, I'm not saying it's impossible but I do expect most people to be like, kind of not like that because like who is really like that, you know what I mean?



 So, yeah.



 So, whatever happens, I'm just here to tell you guys



 that it's gonna be okay, okay? So, make sure you take care of yourself, seriously. Like, make sure you're eating, make sure you're sleeping, make sure you're drinking.



 Get off the internet. (laughing) Sorry, I didn't mean to say it in an aggressive way. What I really mean, I just, get off, get off the internet, guys. Seriously, such some grass.



 It's the way that I said, I said in such a like, I can't help the way that I speak sometimes, I'm sorry. Like the way that I speak is just so like mean sometimes but it's just what I'm, like I hope you understand my intent. My intent is not to like berate you guys, my intent is just to actually be like, guys, let's go outside and take a breather, please. It's good.



 Yeah.



 People are too obsessed with finding out the truth. That's why conflict never ends. Well, you know, besides like whatever, okay? The elephant in the room. It's always like that, it's always, even if it's not gonna be this, it's gonna be something else. We all wanna know how fake Kim Kardashian's butt is, okay? Like, is it real, is it fake? I don't know. Like, and until we're told so, we will always be curious. That's just like nature in a sense. Is it really annoying? Yes, a little bit. But, nah, I don't wanna know that. Okay, well, you know, that's just like an analogy, okay? Guys, just go with my analogies, please, please. I'm just, I'm trying to do analogy things so I just need you guys to like understand the point.



 Okay, so what kind of analogies that one?



 (laughs) Okay, fine. I just mean that like people will always be curious, they always want the truth, and then when they get the truth, they can't handle the truth, and sometimes when they get the truth, they don't believe in the truth. Like, every possible scenario will always be like,



 will always be a possible scenario. And usually the case is, it's like a mixture of all these scenarios, okay? So, just make sure. And I'm just saying this again, because we tend to focus on things that are super duper,



 you know, distracting, that would take us away from our own health. Just make sure that you guys are taking care of yourself. Don't go spending half your day, or even like your entire day, trying to dig for the truth, or trying to defend the truth, or trying to like, I don't know, kill the truth.



 (laughs) And like sacrifice, you know, meal time. Sacrifice time that you can spend with your family, time that you can appreciate your life. So, that's what I just wanted to say. And please, just like, I love you guys so much. And I know you guys, you know, like, full on support me. I swear to God, I swear at this point, sometimes I'm like, I think even if I kill someone, you guys will still support me, which, you know what, I appreciate.



 And you shouldn't do that, but like, I'm just saying that like, you know, don't waste your time trying to like, you know, quote unquote, "diffusing anything."



 Or don't waste your time being angry.



 And this is coming from someone who is angry. Like, or has been angry most of her life and in recent years. And actually, like last year or even this year, like, I've really, really learned that. And I'm actually still working on it, you know, like,



 I am always working on like myself and I'm very aware of like how I am. And that's why I always tell you guys,



 that's why I always tell you guys like, hey, don't be so angry. I'm still working on it myself, but like, you know, that's why I'm telling you guys because I'm also in the same like vote.



 I'm really sorry for the Vita's meme post. The timing was really worse than I have been. What are you talking about? I have no clue what you're sorry for about that meme post. That was the best meme that I've come across this year. It is the best. I don't even think it's like a meme. It's just like the song. And then you just put my blue.



 And I don't know why you're saying sorry.



 I have no idea why it's like my favorite clip.



 I don't, you know, I wanted to pin your clip, but I couldn't because it wasn't from my account. So I had to like sing it myself so that I could pin it because that's how much I liked the meme.



 So I don't know why you're saying sorry. Well, I mean, maybe because it's like, is it political or something? I don't know. Is it? It was all the comments afterwards.



 Well, I didn't even look at the comments. I just, Loki assumed it was really popular because like everyone liked the song and liked my cover. So my bad. Loki didn't even know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I did not look at it.



 I just kind of posted it and then I went to bed. So.



 Other people use it to create wild, unreleased, roost stuff. Damn, I am so behind on my own shit. You know, like the fact that you guys have to tell me that just means that I didn't fucking like, like what? It was very good audio. Thank you.



 Ignorance is bliss.



 Better to not look at it. Oh shit. Well, I literally have no idea. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you guys had to tell me that. That's kind of awkward. That's why I was so confused. Like, what are you doing? Are you like saying sorry because of the cliff? Because I loved it. (soft music)



 Sorry, I'm so thirsty. I think I'm still like kind of sick.



 Anyways, it doesn't matter. (soft music)



 We are comforting Kuwu and telling him not to step into the fire. What is happening?



 Please, I don't understand. But also like, please don't feel bad that you made the meme. I don't understand why you feel bad, but like, just don't feel bad. Okay, I promise. I don't feel bad. So like you shouldn't feel bad. Okay, please. I have no idea why you would feel bad. I'm sorry. Did I like sing a controversial song? Is that why?



 Like, I don't know. I don't know. Maybe it was the lyrics.



 (soft music) - Thank you for being here and providing Awu peeps



 with emotional support during the difficult



 moment you are a truly Chad character. - What the fuck do you mean? I'm a real person bitch. What the fuck? You're a character bro. You deserve to be respected and oshi like D. Roosevelt broadcast the fireside. Yo, I don't know the reference, but thank you. I hope they're a good person. Stabilize all Awu peeps moods. - Well, I didn't intend to like do this dream to stabilize your moods. I just wanted to like make sure that you guys are knowing that I am not offline crying my eyes out or like hyperventilating. Like some of you guys are okay. Like, and because I know some of you guys are doing that that's why I wanted to make this dream and be like, please drink some water. Please try to get some sleep.



 Please eat something. Please hug your mom.



 So yeah, where you though don't lie. What do you mean? Okay, you know what? You want me to be transparent here. Last month, this is nothing to do with anything that happened recently. This is my personal thing. Okay, I might as well share some personal things. Last month, I got into a fight with my dad, you know, and my dad and I don't really fight. And it's funny because it's like, I was in Japan for like three months and you know, we didn't fight the whole time. And you know, that's why when I came back home to Canada, I like, you know, I was surprised that we did get into a fight. I called him, I don't know how it started, but it got really heated.



 And you know, every time we get into a fight, which is very, very rare, he always tells me like, yeah, I just never want to mention it when you're in Japan because I want you to have a good time since we barely see each other. And I'm like, well, you know, it would be nice if you just told me face to face. It's easier to communicate that way instead of like over the phone or a video call where there's lag and bad internet sometimes.



 So, you know, I don't like, again, I don't know how it started and this is always on me. Like literally it is always on me. And you know what, it's definitely not a one-sided thing. It's not like one person's fall and it's not like the situations fall only. It's like a little bit of everything, but like, like,



 I'm trying to like, sorry, my brain is like fried from yesterday. My fever yesterday was like 38.5, but it's like gone now when my brain is fried. But like basically like, I guess the gist of it, like the most heated moment in that argument kind of was me being like, yeah, I feel left out. You know, I feel left out all the time. You know, every time I go to Japan, I feel left out. It's funny because like, I feel that way. I really do, you know, that's like probably something that bothers me all the time. And you know, on stream, I talk about all the good things. You know, I talk about like, I love my baby brother. He's fucking cute as fuck.



 I got some things with my stepmom, I'm not gonna lie.



 (laughs) I like her, obviously. I respect her as much as I can, you know? Is it difficult for me? A little bit. Am I a little angsty for it? Absolutely. Do I have flaws because I have angst? Yes, I do. And I'm sorry, you know? I don't know who I should be saying sorry to, but I am. But, you know, in the most heated moment,



 I just, I couldn't stop like crying. I was like, I don't know, I feel left out, you know? I'm not there all the time. And you know, now when I come back, it's like, there's no space for me. And you know, I started seeing some really hurtful things again. You know, I always tell you guys this. I tell you guys these things that happen that have passed. But I guess this might be the first time I'm telling you guys something that recently happened. I'm trying to kind of like insinuate that stuff like this still happens to me. I just don't say it, you know? Because I don't wanna bring down the mood. I feel like I'm trying to get across to a point, so let me tell this story.



 (laughs) So, you know, in the most heated moment,



 I was like, I was like, yeah, I feel left out. And you know, dad, I think you really fucked something up



 for me to feel this way, you know? I said that, I feel bad that I said that. But honestly, when I said it, I meant it. And I feel sorry for feeling that way, but I do. I feel that way quite a bit, you know? And I can't really control that, but I do feel kind of guilty feeling that. And I said that, I was like, I was like, yeah. I don't know, like, you know, I told you to divorce my mom so you could live a better life.



 And I wanted you to find someone to take care of you. And I mean, it's not like she doesn't, but it's like, you know, and honestly, like, this is all like private family matter. I do feel like, I am okay sharing this. And I know like, what about your dad and your stepmom? Like, I'm not revealing their like real names or anything. It's like, they're just like another dad and another stepmom to you guys. They're like characters in a book. So don't take it too seriously. But like, you know, I was like, yeah, I don't know. You fucked up, you know, I feel bad. You'd managed to find another person that, yeah, I don't know. It just makes me feel like I don't belong. Like, wow, that's awesome. And I felt terrible saying that first of all. I was like, why did I say that? And then the other part of me, which was like the more kid side, less logical, less control side was like, well, you know, you were holding it in the whole three months you were there, the whole three months you were there, you saw her like five times. I saw like Babu and my managers more often. And I was like, what the fuck? Like, I thought we're family, you know? I'm always like that, you know, I'm really dramatic.



 My dad like started crying. And then he was like, I'm doing my best. And I was like, oh shit, you are.



 Water break.



 Anyways, I think I just want more attention from him. So I was like, oh shit, I said something so wrong. But like, you know, we talked it out. I'm not gonna lie, like, it wasn't really disputed. It was like, you know, Asian people, like we just kind of, we start crying and we just kind of like leave it at that. So we're kind of just like, oh my God, like just, let's just end it here. You know, Asian people do that. We just, we get heated and then we just like, did you eat?



 (laughing) That's how we end an argument. We're just like, did you eat something?



 Make sure you get some sleep, okay? That's it, that's the end. That's not really like solving a problem. That's just how we end things, you know? It's funny, it's funny sort of, but like, okay. So my point is, okay, my point is



 there is so much that happens, not just this. And obviously after we, after we called, I was like crying like, ooh, nobody loves me, blah, blah, blah, blah. I feel so alone, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Ooh. And then the next day I carry on with my life.



 (laughing)



 So my point is, okay, I'm just sharing this story and I'm just trauma dumping again, you know? To let you guys know.



 And I know nobody wants to hear it during this time, but that's just life, okay? We're gonna feel really upset and really angry sometimes.



 But there's good things, there's good things, but you have to look at them, okay? So like, there's a moment where you just see like, everything that's like bad.



 And then you can like look at that. And then afterwards you also have to accept the things that are good, right? So like, and my dad's really good at doing that. I'm not gonna lie, he's always like, in the heat of the moment, he's always like, I know, like, I know you've been through a lot. I know you feel this way. I know you feel bad. I know you feel like disconnected, but there's good things too.



 There's good things too. And I was like, and in the moment I'm like, no, there isn't.



 There isn't. Everything is bad and everything is crumbling down. And I hate that. Every day I try to hold it in and every year I'm like, I'm about to explode. You know, in the moment I feel that. (laughs) I do.



 And I know you're still a teenager. No, I'm not. This is so normal. It doesn't matter if you're a teenager or a kid or an adult, you will feel like that. And if you don't, it's also like, it's you just projecting it a certain way. Like you not feeling anything is also not good. So, you know, it's either you feel everything and you break down or you feel so numb and you try to like distract yourself. Either way, it's not good if you do it all the time. Okay. So my point is like, in the most stressful and upsetting moments, you will not be able to see anything good. It's just not possible. Okay, you're just that edgy. And then afterwards, when you've calmed down, you must think about good things. And it's not like you're making them up. They're there because, well, first of all, you can think of them because they are there. And that's what I mean. But like when I've calmed down, I was like, okay.



 I am so lucky to be able to be in Canada and to go to Japan. Okay? If I really, really want to live in Japan, I could do it. I mean, it would take some time and I'd have to like figure out some visa shit. But like besides that, it is possible. I have family there. It's not like I'll be totally alone.



 I also have family in Canada. And it's not just my mom and my aunt.



 Granted that I'm not like super, duper close to them, like as close as I am to my father, but like they are my family. And there has never once been a moment where when I truly needed them, they wouldn't be here for me. If I was sick, if I got like some sort of trouble, my aunt never, never, ever hesitated to come and like help me. That's like one of her best traits. It's like really weird. And I don't understand the way that she thinks, but if my arm got cut off right now and I called her, she would come racing.



 So, and then there's also Alira and Millie. How lucky am I to be not only living in the same place as two of my closest and bestest friends, but also I'm in an environment, work environment with them as well. I'm extremely, extremely lucky. And again, like, then I start focusing on like, what's happening here, like my online life, right? I have so many friends that I made. I made friends with so many people here. And I remember thinking like, oh my God, like, wow, I've only been here for two years, but like, I like made quite a bit of friends. Maybe I don't talk to all of these friends every single day, but they are my friends. And to the point where even when they're not here in the company anymore, I'll still be able to talk to them, you know? Like, Mika, Nina.



 I'm really, really happy.



 And yeah, like, you know, so I saw a super chat that said like, there have been studies that show it's easier to focus on the negativity. It takes work and effort to focus on the positives. It has to be intentional. Yeah, sure, yeah, there's scientific, whatever. We're more, we gravitate towards negativity. It's definitely true. I don't think you need science to fucking figure that out. All you gotta do is open twitter.com and you're like, yeah.



 You don't need science, guys. You just gotta open like a social media platform. You're like, yeah, it's more exciting. It's true.



 And it is exciting. Like, I don't mean exciting in like a positive way, but I'm just like, it excites people, you know? It makes people riled up. It makes your adrenaline get going. And you know, you're like, you start breathing like this, like, like, what's going on? You know, it's true. And it's absolutely exhausting. But, I'm not saying that stuff shouldn't happen. Like, it just happens because it naturally happens. And now we got this one person saying that it's a scientific thing. So there we go. But you know, I think it's just important that after you calm down, after you take a sip of your tea or coffee, after you walk around your neighborhood, or after you put your baby to sleep, I don't know, there are some parents here. I think it's just really important to,



 I guess you could say, count your blessings.



 Like really, count your blessings. How many of us are so grateful to be able to be a part of a community in the first place? And it doesn't matter what your community is, or like who it is, but like, you know, are we not lucky to be a part of something? You guys are always super duper welcome, not just in mind, but just like, just about everyone else's community to just like say what you wanna say, you know?



 Yeah.



 And, you know, we have the luxury to eat,



 I mean, I know you guys put a lot of values into Vtubers in general, like here every single day, it's all like, yeah, must be important to you, right?



 But I mean, like we have the luxury to even have like, you know, whatever you're watching us on, like a phone, an iPad, a computer, like you have the luxury, you have internet, to, you know, have a time during your day to watch someone or something that makes you feel better.



 And as much as it is, maybe some people are like, oh, that's a stretch, you know? It really isn't. There's so many people in this world that get no breaks.



 And I'm already like really lucky, but 10 years, like, let's see,



 it's like 15 years ago,



 I was way less luckier than I am now. And even then, 15 years ago, I am still way more luckier than a lot of other people. Like, I just wanna speak on my own experiences because I feel like if I grab like the saddest human being on earth, like it's just not relatable anymore. Like if I say something like, there are people starving and being in war, like, yeah, there are, you know? And we can always compare to them and be like, yeah, we do live a better life. But it's just like, at that point, it's just you're so far away from them that it's hard to understand them. Not saying that like, it's not, I'm not saying that it's hard to understand that their life is worse than ours, but I'm just saying that like, it's hard to connect to somebody if you don't know them personally and if you don't like see it every day or think about it every day, right? So I'm saying, so I'm gonna put in my own experiences, which is me 15 years ago, every single, not every single, but like too often, too often every single night I would be sleeping, my mother who had mental illness would wake up in the middle of the night,



 put music on like 100%, which is incredibly loud. Like on the speakers, if you've ever had like the dial on speakers, 100% is so loud. Like it would have to be like in a basement and you would still be able to hear it. So pretty much every other night, my mom would like put some random classical CD, it doesn't matter. And she would blow out the speakers.



 And just like, you know, if you guys have ever been like woken up to like an alarm clock, it would be like that feeling, but times 100 because the music would just blast so loud, so suddenly that you wake up with a panic attack. Like you don't have like, you don't have like, you know, time to gradually go into a panic attack. You just wake up and like,



 you sound, you feel like you're gonna wake up into death, which is crazy, but it is exactly how it feels.



 And you know, that happened way too much. I'm not gonna lie. I'm like, oh my God, like, I don't know how I survived that, but I did it, so.



 But you know, I'm just saying that like, that was me 15 years ago. So that's why I'm like, well, you gotta learn to count your blessing. I'm not saying I'm like, lucky for waking up to blasting music all the time, but like, I'm just saying that like, damn, my life has gone way better. And I think it's only gonna go up. And if it doesn't, then I mean, you guys will not be here to hear about it. So, you know, just pretend that I'm going up. But yeah. So like,



 but yeah, I mean like, you know, like I'm sure you guys know, but like given the circumstances, like she was out of her mind.



 And that would be like, honestly, that wasn't even the worst thing, you know? There was like crazier things that happened. But I'm just saying that like, something that really, really got me through, were the good things, you know? And I'm so negative guys. Like I'm so pessimistic. I always feel like I'm gonna die, or like I always think people don't like me, or sometimes I don't like myself because I'm a certain way, or like I speak to Brashlee. And then,



 and then I'm like, well,



 no, there's still good things around me. So I must be doing something right. Or like, you know, something is reciprocating. Cause I've always had really good friends, when I had friends. And then, you know, like, you know what, like my mom has schizophrenia. Yeah, but like she was the baddest bitch, she like took me to school every day with schizophrenia.



 Picked me back from school with schizophrenia, cooked my meals with schizophrenia, cleaned the house with schizophrenia. So honestly, like,



 and you know, you could say that I'm coping, but like it's the truth. I'm like impressed. Like somebody who's suffering from like severe, like mental illness can still like fucking do all this shit. Like, holy shit. And that was my mother. Everybody like crazy. So I'm very grateful. She was still a really good mom.



 And you know, she had her episodes, but I will, I have over the years really, really, really worked super hard to like not overlook it. Cause I thought I had to, but I worked really hard to forgive her, you know? Cause then it was not very easy. You know, I came back to Canada and I was avoiding her for like three years. I was like, oh, I'm not here. I'm still in Japan. Ha ha. I would be video calling her. She's like, it must be nighttime in Japan, right? I'm like, um, yeah, let me just get the blackout curtains.



 (laughs) I straight up lied to my mom for like a good couple of years because I was so mad at her. And you know, I was like, I hate you so much. I'm not gonna lie. You like fucked me up. And then I was like, well,



 somebody fed me. Somebody still cleaned. Somebody still like,



 I don't know. It's complex. It's very complicated. It's complex. Anyways, I know you guys, I think I'm getting off topic. You know, I'm not sharing this story to make you guys like me more or whatever the fuck. I'm sharing this because I want you guys to know that like in life, and I've only lived like



 20 something years. (laughs)



 So like, you know, in life,



 life sucks. I'm not gonna lie, life sucks guys. Life sucks. God, Jesus. One people's life sucks a little less, but life sucks.



 But there's good stuff. There's good stuff happening, okay? I promise. You just have to, but you can't just sit there and be like, okay, and then what is it? I don't see anything. Fucking look for it, dumb shit. Look for it. You know, I'll put in the effort to look for good things but then you deserve them, not really, exactly. If you're putting in so much effort to look at bad things, then you should put in like the same amount of effort to look at good things. That's my rule. If I want to think negatively, then tomorrow I'm gonna have to think like just as much positively.



 Okay, don't sit there and be like, okay, I'm waiting for all the good news. Fuck you, bitch. Look for it, bitch.



 The fuck? You are sitting there thinking that good things would just happen after bad things.



 Just like out of nowhere, then you are doing something wrong, buddy.



 You gotta like think about it, you know? You don't have to like look for it. Like when I say look for it, I don't mean like you go outside, you open the door and be like, okay, where's that beautiful man across the street? I mean like actually sit down, take a breath and be like, I'm so lucky that I have cranberry juice. Some countries don't have cranberry juice.



 That's what I mean.



 You don't have to like find good in the smaller things. Oh, I am grateful for my mother. Like I hope you have a loving mother, okay? I mean like just think about it, you know? Just think about it a little bit, okay? Don't get too, like there's a time and a place to be angsty and sad and really upset and hyperventilate and have your panic attacks. And you know, I'm serious, like there really is a time for it and you should make time for that. When you feel upset, feel it. If you're angry, yell at your teddy bear, okay? If you, you know, it's like you have a shit in you. Just if you have a shit, don't hold it, just let it out. And then afterwards, you wipe, okay? You don't let that stinky poo poo drip all over your buttocks, right? You wipe it, clean up, and you're good. Like that's okay. You know what? That analogy might've not been, you know, in my head, like visually I was like, yeah, that makes sense. Anyways. (laughs)



 Okay, my point is just like, guys, there's good things happening too, okay? So don't fully, fully, fully, fully, fully absorb yourself into like all the bad, okay? Seriously. I'm saying this because I know firsthand how it feels like to put your head so deep in negativity that it doesn't even like hurt anyone else as much as it hurts you. So it wouldn't make much sense. Like I totally get like vengeance and anger and unforgiveness. Really, I could write a book about all that shit. You know, I really, really could, but it's not worth it. And the only thing that comes out of it is you being more miserable. So, yeah.



 You know, take it with a grain of salt. You don't have to listen to me. I'm just some fucking PNG that moves. I'm a skinny bitch who like needs to drink some water.



 But yeah, after you're sad, look for something good. That's what I mean. I'm not saying you shouldn't be sad anymore, guys. I hope you guys are not like twisting my words to be like some fucking tiger mom. I just mean that once you're done being sad, you are done being sad.



 So, yeah.



 Last time I held my emotions, I lost my boyfriends. Well, I'm not gonna lie, if you lost your boyfriend and they were that weak to like leave you because of something, something, then that means that they weren't a good fit for you or your cuckoo. I don't know. It could be either way. You know, I don't know too much from this one sentence that you sent, but either way, good luck. I don't know.



 Wait, let's see. Sorry, off topic, but thinking about my own content ideas. (sniffs) What do you think about an ASMR where I just read you the manual from a 2023 Toyota Corolla? Oh my God, you know, my Crawford, my family, my mom and dad had a Toyota Corolla, literally. Check them out, eh?



 I don't know what a 2023 one looks like. It was definitely not from 2023, but like we had one of the, it was like a, it was like an old version.



 I don't know which one. I remember what it looks like, and if I see it, I'll remember, but we had a Toyota Corolla. We don't have a car anymore. We lost it. No, we lost everything. I lost my house and my parents, well, my parents lost our house and our car, so.



 But that's why I'm telling you guys, that seriously, I'm okay. (laughs) The worst for me at the very least for now is fine.



 I hate the, the only thing I would knock on wood, the only thing that would honestly destroy me at this point is just like having my loved ones dying, which will happen one day, but.



 Please, not anytime soon. (speaking in foreign language)



 So,



 Barbara Otaku says, "Are you and Babu feeling okay?" Let's see, Babu just fucking posted a stream doing Mario Kart or something, so I think she's trying to like fucking practice or something, you know?



 I should probably practice Mario Kart.



 Choback, thank you so much for the, Supa, your stories about forgiving and learning to understand your mom helped me take the first step towards doing the same with my own. It's still far from friendly, but there's nowhere to go, but I'm still glad to hear that.



 I worry that maybe I do share things that are too personal,



 but then I think about it, I'm like, well, I mean, if I share things about myself, am I like hurting anyone but myself? Not really. Like, you know, there's the argument of like, "Okay, but what about the people involved in your stories?" And I'm like, "Well, you guys are never gonna talk to them. "You don't know them." You know, so, I mean, they're just, for you guys, it should just be like characters in my book, right? So, you know, the only reason why I share what I share, and sometimes it's very hard to share, because, you know, I don't wanna like cry, and I don't wanna like share my stories because I want sympathy from you guys,



 because I know you guys will give it, and I always appreciate that, but I share my stories so that you guys know that life is difficult, people are difficult,



 nobody's perfect, we're all doing our best, and you should keep that in mind for every single person. You know, I believe that so strongly,



 and sometimes it bites me in the ass, I'm not gonna lie, sometimes I'm like, "Yeah, believe in this person," and then they fucking, I don't know, I'm like, "Okay, well, damn," but I will still hold on. I will still hold on to hope, you know? So, I'm really happy to hear you going up with your relationship with your mother, and I'm wishing you all the best.



 But also, like, if it doesn't work out, please don't like lash out at me, okay? Because I'm not fucking God, okay? I'm just some fucking Asian girl who's trying to share her stories, and honestly, if it doesn't work out in your life, it doesn't mean that you have the right to blame me, okay, just saying. Anyways, um. (laughs)



 - Anna said, "After you poop, "white, wise words from Anna Alouette "of Niti Sani Ian's "Dirty Wave with You, Thank You." I mean, lowkey, I really, really did have this analogy that made so much sense in my head, and then I was like, "Wait, what the fuck am I saying?" And then, bye guys. - ContentanSpark says, "Girl, you are at least seven PNG."



 Awesome. - Ah, yeah, maybe.



 Thank you. I don't know what that means, but I appreciate that.



 - Adjumetuky says, "For real."



 Thank you for always being so grounded and sharing your insights with us, it really helps. I've missed you since starting my new job where I can't catch you live as much, but I'm always supporting you and grateful for you. Oh my God, you guys found your new job, that's awesome. Don't worry about it, I really, really, see, there's already good news.



 Somebody just got a new job, like, is that not a good thing? Like, maybe you guys don't care, but like, I do, I think that's awesome. Proud of you.



 You thought about playing Persona 3 reload? Well, I already watched somebody play Persona 3, and I think the reload is just a remake, right? So, also I bought Manta the game, because I'm not gonna lie, guys, I don't want you guys to think I'm gonna be buying everybody fucking Persona 3 reload, like fucking Dopio buys bug fables for everyone's birthday. I'm not doing that. I'm not a nice, I'm not that nice of a person. The only reason why I bought Manta the game was because, you know, Manta is so fucking chad for streaming yesterday. Do you not all agree with me? The fuck? Like, Jesus. Amongst all the chaos, like, Manta just fucking



 drove through Dark Souls one, two, and three.



 (laughs) And it wasn't even his real birthday. I was like, what? It's not your real birthday? Why am I here, you know?



 So like, I'm definitely gonna be watching Manta play Persona 3 reload, and you guys should too. And that's where I will be experiencing



 Persona 3 reload. Yeah.



 I think he absolutely deserves whatever game he wants.



 And yeah, I just really appreciate him for like,



 it's really hard to do stuff like that, guys. You know, it's not like easy. It's really hard to like,



 do something that like,



 it's hard to,



 first of all, it's hard to



 make light of something, like make something, like be the light. It's hard to be the light in like,



 just like when there's darkness, okay? It takes a lot of courage, it takes a lot of strength mentally, physically, and believe me, like this man was up for hours. I don't know what the fuck he's on, but he was.



 And he was just chilling, he was just playing, he was just doing his thing, and it was so awesome to see the chat, like, to support him 100% the entire way. So it's not like, you know,



 only Vantai was like there for hours, like, you know, a bunch of people were there for like hours.



 So it's awesome. And I think he really deserved it.



 I don't want you guys to think I'm gonna be fucking buying a game for every single person's birthday, okay? I don't want the next person's birthday to be like, "Oh my God, I'm gonna buy new stuff, "but I'm not gonna find a game to buy system "and like favoritism to more like a crisis number, "like shut the fuck up, okay? "I don't have all the money in the world, okay? "I'm sorry." And even if I did, Loki, I wouldn't do it.



 (laughs) Okay? There's only, only when the planets align do I ever feel like being that nice, okay? And unfortunately, yesterday the planets aligned and I was like, you know what? I wanna do something for this motherfucker. Like stop fucking playing Dark Souls, bitch, you know?



 I could have bought something cheaper too. (laughs) I was like, I should have just bought him Tetris



 or something, I'm not gonna lie. Why did I fucking ask him, what game do you wanna play, P



 (laughs)



 I didn't know it was gonna be that expensive. Also, it's Canadian dollars, okay, fucking Americans. So if it's like fucking 50 bucks for you, it's like 700 million for us, okay? So yeah.



 Jesus. So I don't want you guys to think like, "Oh my God, and I'm just trying to like look good," or like, "Oh my God, and I like his favoritism." Like no. I'm telling you guys straight up like,



 I should have bought this man a Tetris game. Tetris is like 20 bucks, okay? Oh my God, Jesus Christ. Don't tell him I said that, okay?



 (laughs) He was really happy about he was. I don't know, I think I missed his reaction, but I hope he remembers that I gifted him. You know, I told him to open it on his birthday, because when I gifted it to him, it was like before his birthday, but I hope he opened it. And yeah, I just, I really hope he like enjoys the game. I made sure that like he could play the game on stream too, so yeah.



 Oh, he tweeted it. Really? Well, I'm not going on Twitter right now, so if you're trying to bait me into that, I'm not gonna do it, so. I love how he forgot my password too, so I have to like reset it. I logged out and then I was like, "Oh shit, I have to like DM like a commissioner." And then I was like, "Shit, I can't get into my account." So like, I was like, "Oh shit, whoops, my bad."



 Anyways, I'll figure that out later. (soft music) All right, I love myself, one, two, three. I tried it, it wasn't it. Maybe I didn't change my password, and it's still like I hate myself.



 Three, two, one from last year.



 Okay, let's see.



 (speaking foreign language) "Nikola, thanks for the super. I'm just happy you're well, and I was worried up until the stream, but knowing you're well makes me happy. Thank you for being wonderful, my kami oshi." I'm glad, I just wanted to stream today so you guys will like know that I'm okay. Also like, I feel like you guys worry about me too much. Actually, no, I want you guys to worry about me. I think it's really nice. I have to admit, I was very stressed yesterday, especially I was like, I was like, "Oh my god, I have a fever. What's happening? I'm getting old." And then I went on the internet, I was like, "Oh my god, what happened?" You know, I woke up and I was like, "Shit, I have a fever."



 "What? Is this what happens when you get old, you just get sick more often? Like what the fuck?" And then I went on the internet and I was like, "Oh shit, what the fuck?" You know, so like two things hit me. And I didn't want to tell you guys I had a fever because I feel like if I said that, like some people would be like, "No, you're just pretending that you're sick because you're trying to avoid the chaos within the world." And I'm like, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I get sick at the worst time, okay? I won't mention it." But I'm good now. See?



 Yeah.



 It was an omen.



 I'm gonna be honest, like I was kind of feeling it on the weekend too. Like I felt like kind of weird, but I was like, "Eh, I think if I just take a walk and cool myself off." I was like kind of weirdly like my neck was like really like achy. And then like yesterday it finally made sense. I was like, "Oh, the fever." And now my body's aching all over, but the fever is gone at least.



 But anyways, thank you for worrying about me.



 You know, I don't want you guys to worry too, too much about me, but the fact that you guys will do that anyways, and I know that, I just want to like point that out and say, I really appreciate it. And it's the feeling that you guys do worry about like a stranger such as myself that makes me feel really, really happy, you know? And I worry about you guys too. I don't remember, I don't know your names. I don't know what you look like. I just know you are people that feel things, you know? These like creatures behind the screen that like cry and laugh and yell at me all the time, you know? Like it doesn't matter. Like good or bad people, I don't really care. But you know, I don't know you guys, I know you guys feel things. So I just want to make sure that you guys are okay. I was low key so worried, all the people with a membership trip posted, you were like, "Oh my God, I'm gonna cry." I was like, "Oh my God, don't cry."



 Yeah.



 Yeah, I just wanted to like,



 that's parasocial. Well, I feel like that's the least amount of parasocial that I can give you guys, you know?



 Yeah. And I promise whatever happened, you will be okay.



 You will be okay because you are living your life and I am living mine.



 And in this moment of time, we get to enjoy each other's company. And even if that doesn't last forever, which it won't for any of us or all of us,



 the fact that it was even there in the first place is like a privilege. It is an honor to always spend time with you guys. Please don't take this out of context and be like, "And I's graduating!" Please, okay? I'm just saying, I am very lucky to be here and spend time with everyone here, okay? So please don't like take this out of context with your delulule and be like, "Oh my God, it was a foreshadow!" Shut the fuck up, okay? Please, touch some grass. There we go. I have to say it for you guys because I know you guys are thinking that. That's how much time I spent with you guys throughout the years to know that whatever I say, there's gonna be this fucking, what's it called? This fucking like, not the, no, no.



 Intrusive thoughts.



 You guys will have these intrusive thoughts where there's like, "This you mean?" No, shut the fuck up, please. Please touch some grass. If you think like that, I need you to touch grass. I will literally throw you off a cliff if you don't touch grass and you think like that, okay? Thank you.



 Okay.



 My team D, thanks for the super. Crunkle door. Thank you so much for the super. Your story is being super personal. It's part of the end experience. I don't think you have to worry about that with your audience, but definitely not in a member stream.



 Ah, I mean, I worry too, but you know.



 Not to the degree where I like die, you know?



 I just like, I just wanna know you guys. I just wanna know if you guys are okay, and that's it.



 Francis J Carpenter, thank you so much for the super. Ro Tutu, thank you for the super. A family member gifted me a jade pendant and it made me really happy for a reason. She wouldn't understand. I thought of you in your Bible verse rap. That's, oh, yo, a real jade pendant is really expensive, so you better like be super, super, be thanking your family member, unless it's fake, you know? I gotta like, I don't know how to like tell if a jade pendant is fake or not, but I'm sure if they love you, they would give you a real one, or if you are in poor financial circumstances, a fake one is still good enough, you know? It's the feeling that counts.



 Super true families for the super. I'm happy you're doing well, Anna. Thank you. Well, my kids, thank you for the super, Chris. Curiously is if y'all are going to get to play Power World End Times tune, or is that tied up with permissions, feel like it would be hilarious to watch? I don't know. I mean, I can ask, but I think, I don't know, my friend, I think we're a little busy if you don't get what I'm trying to say.



 (laughs) I think we're trying to, you know? I think there's been a lot of things going on, so if I kind of just go and be like, hey, do you think we could play this game? I think it would be kind of awkward, but like, I'll keep that in mind.



 It's funny though.



 Um, B, thanks for the super. No, you are stuck with me, King. Oh, that's terrible. Look out, thanks for the super. Hi, I think you need to not use that emoji, because, oh my God, that emoji, the smiley emoji, guys. Oh, God, this one, this one, like, always creeping out. Oh, wait, they don't have it here. Oh, do they? I don't know, they do.



 Wait, where is it? Oh, yeah, some of you guys found it. Oh, it's here, okay.



 It's this one, this one, this one.



 This one kind of freaks me out all the time, you know? I don't know why. I feel like this, do you guys not think that this smile emoji kind of looks passive aggressive?



 I feel like some people use this in messages, and then I look at it, and I'm like, are you being passive aggressive? Because, like, I don't appreciate that. I remember Nina would, oh my God, I was just thinking about that.



 Right, isn't it so passive aggressive? I feel like, I don't know, it was like, but the thing is, it's like, technically it's just a smile, so sometimes I'm like, is it just a smile?



 Yeah.



 All right, guys, my voice is not feeling too good, because, like, everything just hurts.



 (soft music)



 Anyways, I didn't want to stream for too long, I just literally wanted to tell you guys that I'm fine, and that you guys need to take care of yourselves, that's all I wanted to say. So, let me just finish reading, like, some of the super chat.



 You shouldn't have shared your weakness.



 (laughs) Okay.



 I'm weak everywhere, look at me, I'm like, oh, I have a fever, my back hurts.



 (clears throat) Chili X, thanks for the first Super of today, thank you. Tiamen, thanks for the Super. Busagi, thanks for the loving, supporting Super. Thank you, I appreciate it. Thank you, Tiamen as well. Fish, thank you for the Super. Johnny Land, thanks for the Super. Take care of yourself too, King. I keep trying to go, I'm trying hard to go forward with all of you, and I'm really happy to hear that. It's gonna, oh my God, your icon just fucking scared the shit out of me, what is with your icon? Oh my God, oh my God, okay. You know, from, okay, Johnny Land, if you're still here, your icon from far away looks as if you were, I didn't know it was your face, possibly, but it looks like from far away, you're hiding behind like a wooden door, and your face is just like peeking behind from it, and because of the contrast of your skin tone to the door, you look very pale. From far away, I thought this was some like, Sadako shit, like the grudge shit, and then I fucking actually like,



 open up your entire icon, and it's actually just like a half and half picture of your cat on the left, and like a cute girl on the right, but from far away, just from like, colors itself, oh my God, it looks like the grudge peeking out of a door, and it scared the shit out of me. Yeah.



 Aw, I just wanted to give some clarification, that's what it looks like, okay? Okay, you're kind of cute, and you're even cuter.



 - Um, Tiamat, thanks for the soup, I was crying super bad in the office when I saw the membership post. What? I'm so glad to hear your voice, love you always, don't cry, oh my God, guys, I feel like. (soft music) (speaking in foreign language) I don't know. (laughing)



 Yeah.



 Nico, thanks for the soup, Sean, thanks for the soup. People are angry, and that's understandable, but we need to remember that we're the audience, it affects us less than it does you, we wish you and all the livers that need you the best. I'm gonna be honest, Sean, I have to disagree with that, and not because, I disagree with that, not because I don't agree with you, that doesn't make any sense. I'm trying to say that like, people react to things differently,



 maybe I am feeling more of the blunt of things, and yes, on the surface and in retrospect, I am because I'm like here, right? But again, like because of my past experiences, I've been like, kind of like dulled. So there's definitely people in this chat that like feel it a lot stronger than me, you know? And not because, you know, not because I don't care, not because I don't like, you know, not sad enough or like blah, blah, blah, it's just because of, you know, the experiences that have made me to be who I am today, and you know, unfortunately, and I don't take it as a good thing, I'm just a little bit more resilient, and it takes a toll on me, but not in this kind of like, I guess, situation, you know, for me, something that always takes a toll on me, like something that makes me break down all the time is like family members, family, family health, all that stupid thing.



 So, I mean, I have to say that like I really, really,



 and I will keep saying this, I super just appreciate that everyone is always so understanding of us,



 and you are always like putting us first, like the real like competent like people who are not like crazy, you know, like are always like, hey guys, just give our support to these people, and you know, I just want, even when people are stepping away, they're like, yeah, I really wish you the best, I'm gonna step away, like that's so freaking cool, is it not so cool to be like that type of person? Like, can you guys agree with me? Like, isn't it so cool that there's people that you don't know who support you wholeheartedly, and even when they need to step away, they will still let you know, and be like, yeah, I just, I love you, I love your work, I'm gonna step away, and I wish you all the best, isn't that so freaking good? That's not a bad thing at all. So, I saw so much of that in my memberships, you know? So, you know, I don't wanna invalidate, and I know you weren't either, Sean, and I totally get your point, but I mean like, I don't wanna like,



 in any way make it seem like the fans are like, less affected, you know, they are affected, but I think they were just affected differently, you know, the way that you guys feel things is gonna be the way that we feel differently, you know, it's gonna be different, cause we're not in like the same position, right? So, I do feel like in the grand scheme of things, we are all affected, so, yeah.



 (soft music) Gonna have to pee, cause I drank too much water.



 "Tac's out, thanks for the soup, thank you my king." No, thank you, king. "Quantum Tunes," oh, I read this earlier. "Thank you again."



 Is lambrocks11, thank you for the soup, yo, and I'm doing okay, could be better, could be worse. You holding up, I haven't yet properly processed everything, but I'll still try to support you and your other friends. Happy learning your years. You know what, you should take some time to process things before you do anything.



 And yeah, I highly, highly recommend that, you should really, really take some time for yourself.



 Yeah, but thank you.



 "Tin Tanya, thanks for the soup, my Tempton's birthday, thanks for the soup, daffodoodle, thanks for the soup, you're honestly my biggest source of comfort."



 And, you know, every night when I have dinner, and I have my cup of tea, I use the wooden coasters that you sent,



 or like my friend bought and gave to me. And I just, they're fucking perfect, I'm not gonna lie, every time I use them, I'm like, these are so cute. (laughs) I love them. And like, you know, I was like, oh my God, how do I take care of them? So I try to oil them down, and I'm like, is this how you do it? So I hope I don't ruin them, but like, yeah, they're so awesome. Yeah, I love it so much. I just like, also like, I bought, like last month, I bought like a new dinner table. It's not a dinner table, actually, guys, it's like a coffee table, but it's a really nice one. And you know what, I'm very like Asian in the sense where I kinda do like sitting on the ground. (laughs) I don't really like sitting on chairs, but like, yeah, like, so I sit on the ground, and this coffee table with these wooden coasters just match so well, and I think I need to take a picture of it one day, so that you guys see the aesthetic. It's just so perfect, you know, awesome.



 Well, thank you as well. (speaking in foreign language) Thank you for the soup, thanks for everything, my queen. By the way, happy new year, New Year's. (speaking in foreign language) Just for you, although this is not a red envelope. Okay, I mean, safer for the actual day.



 (laughs) (speaking in foreign language)



 Thank you, don't worry guys, we will, I will do something, I think. If anything, we can at least just talk.



 Cool, thanks again for the soup, I read this earlier.



 Thank you for the soup, please take care of yourself. I will, thank you, oh my, sorry guys, I really need to pee. I was like, maybe I can like end the stream and then pee. I can't hold it anymore, I'm sorry.



 (soft music) (soft music) (soft music) Okay, I'm back, sorry, I really need to pee. I drank so much water, it goes through me.



 Oh, okay, sorry, I'm gonna end the stream pretty soon cause I wanna like, um. (soft music) (soft music)



 This fucker is streaming at 11 30 pm, okay, I wanted to like, raid into,



 Santa's birthday, but he's starting so late. What the fuck, okay.



 (soft music)



 Okay, well we still have some time though.



 Um, we also wanna eat dinner.



 (laughs)



 And then, no, where am I?



 The bomb, thanks for the soup, Leslie, I'll be, and it will always be okay. Her bitterness will keep her alive. Glad to see that despite the meltdown going on outside in this little circle, we are unmoved. It will get better for sure. I mean, I'm not unmoved, I'm just like, am I putting up a little bit in front? Of course, I will always do that for you guys. I feel like, I feel like,



 um, I feel like it makes sense, is that? Makes sense?



 Yeah, I think it makes sense, you know, like, of course I'm gonna put up a friend. Like, I have a strong sense of responsibility and I think that is what we should kind of do, you know? I'm not gonna go on stream and like, break down and be like, (yells) will it happen sometimes? Yes, and we can't control those times. But I mean, like, it's natural for us to be like, yes, we are okay.



 But I sincerely, sincerely genuinely want you guys to know I am okay, okay? My fever is gone too, so I'm even more okay than yesterday.



 Um, but, you know, I don't want you guys to take it as like, oh, you know, it is so un-serious.



 Or like, she's a fucking iron maiden, you know? Like, I have, I feel things and I feel the same things that you guys do too. I'm just like, maybe mentally a couple years ahead because I've just been feeling them all the time. So that's about it. If anything, I'm just really tired.



 Taz, thank you for the soup, oh my God. Thanks for the soup, ah?



 This super chat is for Voitang because he can't super chat right now. I'm sure he would say you are cute. Thank you, thank you, Voitang and Miguel, all my wonderful, wonderful aloo peeps. Are you guys like, Miguel, are you a dude?



 (laughs) And are you a dude, Voitang?



 (laughs) I'm just wondering, you know? Just out of curiosity sometimes, I'm like, are you guys like dudes?



 (ticking)



 What, what? Is that a question that I'm not allowed to ask?



 Are you real?



 No, I mean like, okay. Hey guys, this is the internet, okay? Somebody could have a fucking name like Stephanie and they could be a dude, okay? Like, it's definitely possible. It's not illegal, like, we can all name ourselves whatever we want. I'm just wondering. (laughs) Cause you know, there has been a couple of times where like, some, like, I would think that someone's like a dude just by default and then apparently they turn out to be a really cute girl. I'll be like, oh, well, lowkey, that kinda changes things, you know? Like, if you're kinda like going like, oh my god, cute, cute, and you're a girl, but like, oh my god, thank you. If you're like some dude, I'll be like, bruh, what the fuck, get off me. (laughs)



 You know, that's what I wanted to ask. You know, I'm a little more tune-tuned with guys. I'm not gonna lie. Like, girls, it's easier to be like, oh my god, this is so cute. You think I'm cute? Thank you. I think you're cute too. But then like, then like, if it's a dude, I'll be like, oh, I mean, you know, it does depend on the person, but I'm just like, if it's like a very stereotypical, like, straight dude, I'll be like, oh, what the fuck do you want, bitch? You know, like, that's just how I react, you know?



 Sometimes I wonder, you know?



 And then we'll basically go forever.



 Whether he's cute, well, it doesn't matter if he's cute because then I'll still be like, what the fuck do you want, but then in my head, I'll be like, oh my god, what the fuck do you want?



 Like, the outside isn't really gonna change, but the inside will, so you will never know is what I mean.



 Yeah.



 Big anime, thank you for the super.



 Neon, thanks for the super. Taz, thank you for the super. Hi, and I'm learning English from your streaming. Well, that's a terrible idea. Thanks to you, my fucking vocabulary, and the way I speak are getting more say so. Thank you very much. Well, you know what? I literally just said it was a terrible idea, so you really shouldn't do that. And you should stop right now. Aito, arashi, thank you for the super. I just wanna cry as useless in these days, but I have to work.



 Honestly, that is such a mood. Thank you for opening this dream, Anna. Honestly, this is so funny. It's like, I feel this every day. I'm like, I just wanna cry because I'm so, I can't do anything, but I have to work. It's so funny.



 Quantum Tint Spark, thank you for the super.



 Gonna go join Mario Kart, yes, go play Mario Kart, everybody.



 The bomb, thank you for the super. Like a callus. I like how you started your super chat saying like a callus. Anna has developed thick skin to the criticisms of the world.



 Not you calling me a fat callus, what the fuck, man? Like, we can literally say anything else that has a better imagery. Bro, literally just that Anna is so strong, so brave, so courageous, like a fat callus, like bro. Really, like okay. I don't know why, guys, next time you guys go into like a riot and like fucking panic all over, I'm just not saying, I'm just gonna be like, okay, bye guys.



 Guys, just be like a fat callus, stupid. I should just do that, you know what? I was trying to like, you know, sometimes I'm like damn. Why am I here?



 Are they wrong? You know what, no, you're not wrong.



 But you are also not right.



 I wish to be strong like you, King. No, you don't, you wish to be like a fat callus, that's what you want. So go fucking rub your head against like some wood and then you can be a fat callus.



 I'd rather be a callus than a wart. Honestly, so true. I'm sorry, it's true.



 I think I like the other nicknames like itchy princess or something that was cuter.



 Why do I always get such weird nicknames? I just wanna be loved. (sniffles) Um, thank you, Jen. Thanks for the flesh-suba, the bomb. Thanks for the flesh-suba, pocky donut. Thanks for the flesh-suba. Nikola, thanks for the kami oshipi tax. Thank you, thank you. Miley, thanks for the zoopa. Hey, Anna, I thought I've been doing fairly well at managing my emotions during this time. But hearing you again made me finally cry out of relief, I think. I hope so. I'm really glad you're here, thank you. I'm so sorry you are crying. I didn't mean to make you cry or anybody else cry. But if it's out of relief, then it's a good cry, I guess. And, you know, don't worry, I'm here. I'll still be here as long as I can, okay? And let's just like,



 if you're gonna cry today, then tomorrow, you have to promise to smile, okay? And if you're gonna cry again tomorrow, then that means that next week, you're gonna smile even harder, and that is our promise, okay? So you can take your time being sad and upset, angry, but then, you know, next next week or next month or next year, that means you have to really put an effort to be happy, and that is what I want from everyone. And if you choose to be sad for 20 years, that means the next 80 years, you will have to be a clown. Okay, even if I am not here to witness that, you must promise me that if you choose depression for 20 years, you will be a clown



 the next 20 to five years, 20 years, okay? Thank you. (soft music) Nick, Val, thanks for the super. Miguel would never catfish us.



 - I mean, you know what, no comments.



 (laughs)



 - Just a guy named John, thank you for the super. I just wanna wish you and chat a good night. Have a good night. Please stop using that emoji, everybody.



 Okay, thanks for the super again. You got me, I'm Ashley, cute girl. Sorry, everyone. Okay, now call me cute Anna. Okay.



 Hajime Tuki, thanks for the super. I'm a dude, but gay as hell. Where does that leave me?



 Oh, oh, like what I said earlier?



 I don't know, you know what, guys? It really just depends on your personality. I mean, I find some girls annoying.



 (laughs) You know, some girls, like, but like the thing is, the outside, I'm not really gonna change, but the inside I do, so like, you know, you could be like a girl. I'll be like, "Oh my God, that's so cute!" And then inside I'm like, "Oh my God, you're so annoying." But there are definitely some girls who are like, "Oh my God, that's so cute!" I'll be like, "Oh my God, that is so cute!" I'll be like, "Oh my God, I love you!" So you'll never know, guys. That's just what I mean. Man, I just mean that like, you know?



 Let's go!



 Hajime Tuki, woo hoo!



 I don't know why I said that, but like, you know, putting it out there, you know?



 (laughs)



 Hmm. Hmm.



 (humming)



 Bruh, not you calling me the itchy shy callous princess. I need to end this stream before you guys give me another nickname, you know? Everybody pushing me off the edge or something. She says, "Nasty."



 Chobe, thanks for the super.



 Did Pomo and Millie think I'm a girl because I mentioned having a boyfriend? Well, I can assume you're a dude



 because like, your icon is like, I don't know if that's you, but like, photoshopped.



 Also, I literally just opened your channel to like, look at your icon, but like, bigger. And it literally says gaming, but you spelled it as in like, G-A-Y-M-I-N-G. So, I mean.



 You know?



 (laughs) Just a little bit of like, detective work, I guess. I just, I literally just opened it so I could see your icon and I just saw like, gaming and I'm like, okay, I mean, I guess, should I tell them or? I don't know what you want. Tell me, King. Tell me what you want.



 Can you, thank you for the soup, Bob. Please take care of yourself. It's been crazy, but hopefully, a new year will start for a better year and new beginnings. Happy Lunar New Year. Thank you, thank you so much. I'm really excited to get my home bowl from my grandpa. (laughs) Well, also, I'm really excited to like, you know, I haven't had like a homemade meal from grandpa in a while, so I'm pretty sure that's what we're doing for Lunar New Year. Yeah, I'll try to like, come up with something on that, on that date too. Happy Lunar New Year.



 (soft music)



 Daddy Bob, thanks for the soup, Bob. Thanks for checking in on the community and the best things you can ask for and I'll support you no matter what. It like, makes sense to check up on you guys, especially if I saw a bunch of people in the membership post being like, oh, I'm crying, I'm like, oh, please don't cry, I mean cry, but like, I'ma be honest, guys, I think this is the most parasocial I'll get, maybe.



 Yeah, I was just low-key kinda worried. I was like, I was not gonna stream today, but I was just like, yeah, I don't know. You guys, like, being upset and angry and whatever, like, some of you guys were just chilling as well, but I was just like, you know, there's so much emotion, like, I need to check in with you guys, like, what is happening?



 (soft music) That was a little worried for you and the other livers. I know, I mean, I think it's just the fact that we know that you guys are worried, it's already giving us a lot of strength, like, everybody feels the same way, I'm pretty sure, you know, like, knowing that there's people who want the best for us, like, we are happy to hear that, obviously.



 So, yeah.



 And you know, guys, like, I never ever want you guys to do anything that, like, promotes hate, so don't do it, you know, if you're gonna do it anyways, then like,



 I mean, I can't stop you, but don't waste your time. Oh my God, my voice, sorry, I'm still kinda sick.



 But yeah, like, just don't waste your time being so angry and hateful. If you do feel that way, try to, like, put it somewhere else, and if you can't, then, wow, that's a you problem, so I can't help you that much. (soft music) Thank you for the super high king, I haven't joined members for so long, I love you. Thank you for joining.



 Can we please not make Chi-Kow as princess of things? That is, I'm not gonna be able to explain this. I'm literally not gonna be able to explain this, guys, like, this is a membership stream.



 Like, what the fuck am I supposed to say when people are like, "Um, why are people calling you Chi-Kow as princess?" I'm gonna be like, "Well, it all started on this day."



 Where I decided to make the biggest mistake of my life, where I checked in on a bunch of strangers to make sure that they were okay, and in return, in order for them to poetically, I guess, call me resilient, they compared me to a callous.



 And then added in the other nicknames that I said that I thought were cuter, to make it sound better. And now we are here with this terrible, terrible, terrible nickname that nobody wants.



 Okay, guys, if you wanna use your fucking once per month membership super to call me Chi-Kow as princess, fine. I hope next month comes fast.



 Um...



 What day is it today? Oh my God, is it the sixth? Oh my God, I have so much things to do then.



 (soft music)



 All right, guys, I think there are some people sending streamlabs while I wasn't streaming, so I'm just gonna thank you guys, okay? Because I feel like maybe some of you guys didn't expect me to read it on stream, so Chi-H, thanks for the donal, thank you for the message, I really appreciate it, don't worry.



 Please take care and just like, yeah, don't forget to eat and drink water. Thank you, Jen, thanks for the donal as well, thank you for your love you message as well, thank you, thank you. Chewy, Cookie, thanks for the donal and for the message, I really, really appreciate it, thank you, thank you.



 All right, thank you for the donal, thank you, thank you.



 Please take care, thank you, I will, I definitely will. Sure, again, thanks so much for the donal, I really, really appreciate it, and I hope you're taking care of yourself as well.



 Honey, thanks for the donal, thank you, thank you.



 Know us your cutest smile with tiny teeth when you're back, what do you mean? I'm like here, I've been here the whole time.



 And everything's gonna be all right, thank you. Don't worry guys, I will take care of my tiny teeth.



 CHD, thank you so much for the donal, again, hi Anna, just wanted to show my support, let the scene you seem okay from your membership messages and the outpouring support in response.



 Thank you for the sudden surprise. Thank you very much, CHD, I really appreciate it, and yeah, I hope that like, you know, the stream kinda helps relieve and reassure some people.



 Um, yeah.



 Hello?



 You were disconnected?



 Shit. And that is the end of our super, I'm just kidding.



 It is, oh shit, I don't know, sorry, I'm sorry guys. Well I just finished reading one person, anyway, I guess you'll never hear what I said, I said something pretty, I'm just kidding. JEJINE, thanks so much for the donal, love you, pathetically forever, take care. Thank you, please take care as well.



 MACHINE, thank you for the donal, it's sweet that you were worried about the peeps. I'm so glad you're doing okay, you were awesome, and going strong and wiser all the time. Why is there a question mark?



 No, no, no, it's not that I'm growing stronger and wiser, it's an up and down thing, okay? Like sometimes I'm stronger and wiser, sometimes I'm really weak,



 but you know what guys, remember 2022?



 Which was, two years ago, my God, that's crazy. 2022, something happened, and I remember playing Cult of the Lamb, and I was about to break down, I'm not gonna lie, that was the only stream where I was about to break down, but I didn't because you guys were here for me, you know? I don't know if you know, maybe I didn't really mention it, but I did say when I started the stream, and I remember saying this, I said, "Oh, I'm not feeling well, "so let's just try to focus on the game." And it worked, it really helped, I was happy by the end of the stream, because I had a space to forget about whatever was happening, and I remember that all the time, and I wanna give you guys that opportunity to be comforted too, you know?



 As much as I can.



 I remember now, interesting. Why are you saying fucking interesting as if you're gonna fucking like, write this piece of information down on like a fucking document? The fuck is that reaction?



 (laughs) Also, you know what, let me see.



 (soft music) I was wondering, I was like, why is my membership chat moving so fast today? But also, I was like, there's a lot of people watching, this very spontaneous membership, yeah, there's some people, there are probably some people in here who are like,



 just gonna see what she's talking about on this meme stream.



 Also, I just wanna put out there guys, remember no matter how secluded a stream is, you know, membership is obviously more private than like a public stream, just remember whatever you do and say on the internet is never private private, okay? So just remember that, okay? So don't just say whatever you want. Stop calling me Callous Princess is what I mean, please, please don't make this a thing, please don't make this a thing, that's all I really wanted to say. I just wanna say that I don't want Callous Princess as my nickname, please. Please, I was looking at the view count, like all of these people are gonna know that they're calling me Callous Princess, like what the fuck is that nickname? I should have never streamed today. Oh my God, my Lord, please.



 I was like, why there's so many people in memberships today? Like up all day, you could have just gave me a different nickname like on another day.



 This is dance for something good, no.



 Callous Princess is crazy, okay.



 Ashley, Alouette, thanks for the soup, I so many things happen, I hope you're taking care of yourself, thank you for streaming and checking in on us today. Of course, I don't really have a, well, let me see, I do kind of have a schedule, but.



 Let's see, let's see, oh, where the fuck is my schedule? I'm in the wrong email, my bad.



 Oh, I think I'm doing something with Kyo and Scarlett tomorrow and I'm doing something with Kyo on Thursday. I wanna stream with my bestie as much as it can, guys. So if I'm not streaming on this channel, then I'm probably gonna be on Kyo's channel, okay. That is the most important thing right now to me because I am biased and my bestest friend is gonna, you know, leave for his creative endeavors soon. Is it spend as much time as possible with Kyo because I love him so much and I'm really, really sad that he's going to leave and, you know, yeah.



 I'm gonna just be clinging on to him until he leaves me forever. So yeah, so bear with me. I might not stream that much this week, but I will definitely be on his streams or his collabs and stuff, so. Hmm.



 I feel like that might be the only thing that like breaks me a little bit, you know, like my bestest, bestest friend leaving. It's just, I'm not sad that they're like,



 well, no, that's not true. I'm sad that they're leaving, but it's just like, I don't know, I feel like I feel really nostalgic



 when I look at our old collab and then I start to feel things and I'm like, ooh, we had so much fun and time just passes so fast and I can't control time and I just wish we had a little bit more time.



 Yeah, but anyways, it's not time yet. Oh, I'm not gonna get into it. (laughs)



 Yeah.



 Anyways.



 Majin D, thank you for the donut sweet that you were worried about the peeps. I'm glad you, oh, I read this earlier, my bad. Thank you, thank you again. My unconscious self, thank you for the donut, thank you for the membership stream and I really hope, especially the poop wiping analogy. You're welcome. Thank you for appreciating my analogies. (laughs)



 Kaway, thanks so much for the donut.



 Oh, okay, thank you so, so much for the donut and I really appreciate the message and yeah, I'm hoping you all the best and please, please, please take care of yourself. Thank you.



 Okay, Vanta, are you gonna stream or what's happening?



 (laughs) Or actually, who else is streaming? Who else streaming? Let's rate into him. Okay, guys.



 Leaving you guys. I want to hit the two hour mark, ish.



 Why you oughta say last in Luna Colab? That's so sad.



 Don't say last in Luna Colab.



 It can be a Luna without you. I'm scared. (laughs) I have to cope, I'm sorry.



 Okay, Shy Calus Princess will let that stay in this men's stream. I mean, you might be kind enough to do that, Bing, but not everyone in this world is as kind as you.



 Edgy, thank you for the super, the bomb. Thank you so much for the super. Call of the Lamb is very nostalgic to me because it is the time you timed me out for getting you with a Ds Nuts joke. Good times.



 You should just, you should go.



 You should just go. Hey, wait, thank you for the super. Thank you, thank you. Proud to be a Calus, you know what, I'm not even gonna fucking read that out loud, otherwise, like, Jesus. Please tell him, please tell him not to end stream. Wait, let me rate, let me rate my bestie. Maybe this might be the, this might be the last time I rate into a stream.



 Don't leave yet, let me find the thing where we read the right, okay, there it is. Please don't leave, don't leave.



 Okay, bye guys.



 Take care, okay. Take care, take care, take care. I'm not gonna be on Twitter because fuck Twitter. That's right guys, I said it, fuck Twitter.



 And I'll probably just hang out on YouTube.



 If I update you guys, it's gonna be in the YouTube community form. I don't have a schedule, I'm so sorry, but I will be on a lot of like things that Kill is gonna be hosting, so look to that.



 Maybe I'll stream tomorrow on this channel, I don't know. We'll play it by ear, okay?



 Okay, bye bye.



 Bye, all you peeps, I love you guys. Okay, don't be, don't be too unhealthy, okay? Eat and sleep and drink lots of water, take care of yourselves, and we will get through this together, I promise, with all my heart. Okay, I'm gonna raid Kill before he leaves, okay? Hi guys, oh to Anna.



 Why am I waving in real life, that's crazy. I'm actually, what's wrong with me?