As you grow older, you can look back on your life with a sense of clarity, shedding new light on the things that a child would simply ignore or find confusing. While I didn't start to understand the kind of woman my mother was until later into my child-hood, the signs were there earlier. I just didn't understand them until now. For the gaps I couldn't fill in, the people that were around then could give me details. 

Even without my mother's behavior , I was never going to have a normal childhood. I wasn't the daughter of a farmer or a tailor, I was the daughter of the Hakurei shrine maiden, the daughter of the great Reimu. From my very birth I was expected to eventually to take her place. While I did go to the village school, do chores, and play like the other children, I also learned of the duties of a shrine maiden. My mother did take these teaching lessons seriously, and I learned a lot under her. My dad did his best to help as well, teaching me about cooking and maintenance work among some other things.  He was just a regular man after all, with no powers of his own he had no chance to stand up to the youkai of this world, or as I would later find out, my mother. 

I first started to realize how strange my home life was when I was about six. I was playing with some friends when some other kids approached.  After joining in for a while, talk turned to our parents. I usually won the arguments about who had the coolest parent, but things were different that day. One of the newcomers looked at me and said “I heard from my parents that your mom beats up your dad, is it that true?” As a kid, you believe any almost rumor you hear so this was a personal attack on me. I denied it, stamping my feet and telling him it was wrong before leaving and heading home. I had to make sure it was a lie. As I approached the shrine, I saw my dad sweeping up the pathway. I ran up and told him what I heard and asked him if it was true. I remember how he fell silent and looked sad for a moment before responding. “Of course not, we love each other very much and she would never hurt me, don’t listen to such awful rumors. Now, why don’t you help me sweep up and I’ll make you something, okay?” I nodded, the news I heard almost completely forgotten, although it would remain in the back of my mind. 

From then on I started to notice things a bit more. Sometimes my mother would come home late, blearily eyed, tired and cranky. She might eat a late dinner, mumbling to us before heading off to bed if she didn’t go right to sleep as soon as she got home. My dad said this was because she got tired from her duties chasing down bad youkai, and I believed him not knowing what alcohol was. Other times I would see dad with new bruises and sprains. He always had excuses for them. He tripped and fell, he wasn’t careful with some tools, he was out with my mom and a youkai hit him. I never thought there was more to it, I never wanted to think there was more to it, but I was always concerned for his safety. I now realize in those early years she was trying to hold herself back, as she wanted a stable life for me. Unfortunately it seemed she could never truly escape her awful behavior, and things would not be this good for long. 

The turning point came a few years later. The first time I saw her strike dad. It was a warm, calm summer’s day. The sort of day where all you wanted to do was sit back and laze around. But mom had some work to do in the village. It was something about some youkai running amok in the village and causing trouble. She had to look into it and left us to hold down the fort. But in a few hours all the chores were down and it seemed like nobody would want to spend the day trekking all the way to the shrine. Dad suggested we take time off and enjoy the day outside. It sounded good to me. We didn’t have much of a plan in mind, just plenty of time to spend and a lunch packed by him. As we were getting ready to head off, Aunn came around, insisting that she follow us for protection. I guess a day as nice as this meant even she would rather enjoy it rather then spend it on guard duty. Dad let her come along.  After closing things up at the shrine, we just set off, content to enjoy the nice day and wander around. We walked through the grooves, splashed in the river and I played with Aunn and Dad until we were all tired and ate in the shade. 

Eventually it was time to head home. Tired after a long, hot day of doing nothing, I tiredly followed dad back to the shrine. We were shocked to find we had some guests.  A gaggle of fairies were playing around on the grounds. I didn’t recognize any of them, most of them weren’t this bold to mess around this close to the shrine. Upon seeing us, they scattered away, some of them turning to make faces at us. Aunn chased after them, but they got away and snickered at her.  As they flew away, we surveyed the damage. They had broken into the storage shed and seemingly used what they found inside as part of their games. But as fairies could be rather rough with playing, this meant much of what they pulled out was either broken or flung around. As a tired child, the last thing I wanted to do after an exhausting  warm day was spend time cleaning up, so I grumbled and complained about all of this. Dad just sighed. “Okay Hana, just get inside and get some rest. If you feel like it later, I could really use some help cleaning this up before the end of the day” 

So I went inside. I got some water to drink, sat around and rested for a bit. But then I started to feel a bit guilty about dad being out there working all alone. It might have been my sense of duty, or maybe Dad was just that good at making me feel guilty  without being obvious about it. So I went up to help, finding Dad and a glum looking Aunn at work fixing things.  They really left a mess of things for a bunch of childlike beings. They had somehow broke the ladder into multiple pieces and left it strewn on the ground like a murder victim. The buckets were all tossed onto the roof, and with my flying abilities not being developed yet and the ladder having being cruel slain, we couldn’t do much about it. Some fairy had discovered the supplies for torches and burned a big patch of grass, which was was disturbing  behavior for a fairy now that I look back on it. We were still cleaning up the mess when mother came back. 

 She looked around at the carnage and marched right towards us.  Aunn quickly moved in to intercept her. “Reimu! I’m sorry, I was out playing with them, I thought the shrine would be fine for just a few hours, so I didn’t know they were messing around here. This is all my fault, please forgive me” Reimu just glared at her. It was the “We’ll talk about this later when I’m less mad” glare that children get from their parents. Aunn backed away as Reimu made her way towards us. She looked around at the mess and huffed to herself before she spoke. 

“So, you just leave a big expensive mess for me to come home to, huh?” Dad stepped in, trying to explain that we felt that it was a slow day so he wanted to spend it with us rather then sitting around the shrine. It was a poor choice of words. “Oh, so since we don’t get any visitors here, you think it’s okay for you to mess around so they might come to a busted up and empty shrine? Is that what you want to teach our daughter? That it’s okay to slack off?” Dad didn’t speak up as she  continued. “The last thing I want to see after failing to catch a youkai is more shit that will cost us too much money and time to fix! What are you planning on doing to make this better?” Dad was still silent, and that’s when she struck. 
_____

She pulled out her gohei and for a second I could see her pour energy into it to make the impact hurt. She swung it, striking him in the side. With a cry of pain, he crumpled to the ground as she continued her assault. Aunn ran forward, her voice warbling “Reimu, you said you wouldn’t do this! You changed! Stop it!” Reimu stopped long enough to point her gohei at Aunn. 

“This is a family matter, I choose what to do, so back off!”

Aunn bowed her head and backed away as my mother turned her attention on dad again. I’d like to say I handled this with maturity and dignity, but I was still a child. I cried. It seemed like my whole world was falling apart. If mom and dad hated each other, what would become of me? Would I be forced to choose one or the other? Would I be an orphan? As I loudly sobbed and the tears rolled down my face, mother froze up. Looking at me, she looked a bit shameful and tucked away her gohei and brushed herself off. “Sorry, Sorry. I lost my temper there” she said awkwardly “I’ll just go inside and get something for myself. Anon, We’ll talk about this later, and Hana...” she looked at me “I still love you and daddy very much. I’m sorry for hurting him” With that, she went inside. I ran around to dad to see if he was okay, it seemed his injures weren’t too severe.  As he got up and adjusted to the aches and pains, I cried into his clothing, asking if mom hated him, if they were going to break up, if it was my fault. 

He did just best to comfort me, telling me everyone gets angry sometimes, and it wasn’t our fault for any of this. He gave me a reassuring pat on the head. “I think mom needs some time to herself today. Why don’t we go off to Aunt Marisa’s for tonight okay?”  

Of course, she wasn’t related to me at all, but Marisa seemed to really like being called that. She always liked me, but she always saw me outside the shrine grounds or had an uncanny knack for visiting me when mother was away. She had seemed to take me in as an unofficial student, teaching me a few things about magic when I was old enough and slipping me a few treats when my parents weren’t around. Spending time with her tonight was very appealing to me then. 

I followed Dad as we slipped in through the back. He told me to pack some things for a night as he got ready. I spent some time packing some clothes into a small sack and returned to him to find he was ready to leave and had bandaged his  more severe wounds.  I must have looked awful as well as he took my hand and lead me outside. It was a long walk to the Forest of Magic, but an uneventful one. Even if a normal human and a shrine maiden in training would had made for easy targets, we were still the family of Reimu. No youkai would have risked it. After following a forested path for a while, we found our way to Marisa’s home. After knocking on the door, it took a few moments after a shouted “I’ll be there!” for the door to open.

Marisa opened the door and her mouth fell open as soon as she saw us. A battered and sad looking husband and his puffy faced daughter were on her doorstep. She knew what happened. “Well...come on in” Letting us inside, she weaved through the mess and lead us to a table that she swept  clean of clutter. Somehow locating a box of toys she kept at her place for me in the mess, she placed it on the table “Okay Hana, just play for a bit. I need to talk with your dad, okay?” I didn’t feel like playing, but I also didn’t want to listen into their discussion, so I nodded and half-heartily played as she and dad made their way outside to talk. Now, I have some idea on what they talked about, but back then the adult world was still a mystery to me. 

After some time of trying to play, the both of them came back. Marisa had a serious look on her face, which seemed almost out of place “Hana? I was talking to your dad. You don’t have to leave mom, but if she ever hurts you or dad, or does anything that makes you feel scared, come to me, understand?” I nodded, I didn’t really understand, but I knew she was trying to help. “So, uh how about dinner? You guys eat? I’ll make something” She went to what could be a kitchen and started to hunt around for something that could make a meal. Dad, with an almost supernatural ability swooped in to assist her and managed to find enough to whip up a meal for all of us. After a quiet dinner, Marisa somehow managed to find some guest futons and cleared enough floor space for us to go to bed. After all that had happened to me, I quickly passed into a dreamless sleep.

I woke up, ready to start my chores for the day when I remembered I was still at Marisa’s.  So I just got up and dressed and shuffled around the house. Dad and Marisa were already up and preparing some breakfast. Seeing I was awake, Dad greeted me “Morning, did you sleep well? Breakfast is almost ready” I sat down at the table and a minute or two later the omelets were done cooking. Dad brought them over and they sat down to ate with me. “We’ll be going back to the shrine later today. Mom is probably  worried about us” It made sense to me then. I was hoping this was a one time event and she would welcome us back and apologize. Marisa’s face turned a bit sour, but she didn’t say anything.  When we all finished, Dad got up and collected the plates. “I’ll clean up for you two, then we can pack up and head home” I thanked dad and got up to pack and roll up my futon. Marisa followed me. 

When we were out of earshot of Dad, she asked me a question. “Hana, are you scared of your mom?” I thought about it. Back then, I had no reason to fear her. Sometimes she scolded me or pushed me hard in my training, but she hadn’t given me any reason to be afraid of her yet. Even the events of last night seemed like a momentary tantrum that she could apologize for. I shook my head.    “Well that’s good. Listen, you know that dad and you mean a lot to her, right? I’ve known her for a long time,  even way before she meet dad. Trust me, if she hated you, you would know” It made sense to me, Marisa and Mother would sometimes bring up their exploits together, and the list seemed long. It never occurred to me back then to think about how the two of them never saw each other anymore if they got together so well in the past. Marisa smiled nostalgically a bit.  “I remember back when she and your dad first met. They really made each other so happy back then, I’d never seen Reimu act that way before. I know she loves you both. It’s just well...” Marisa found a tangled lock in her hair and pulled on it as she tried to think of what to say. “She can get really riled up sometimes. It doesn’t mean she hates you  or she wants to hurt you, she just...charges ahead sometimes, you know? You can always see me if you need help, but I think she’ll improve herself from now on” I believed her. I wanted to think that it all would be smooth sailing from here. But adults can lie easily to children, much more easily when they want to believe the lie themselves. 

By the time I had packed and cleaned up, Dad was done as well. Dad gave his thanks to Marisa for housing and feeding us, and went on the path back home as Marisa watched us leave. By the time we arrived back home, mother was up and about doing some chores. She turned to see us and placed down the bucket of water she was holding to run up and greet us. “Ah, there you two are, I just wanted to wanted to say that  I’m sorry, I know I told you I would never do this sort of thing again, it’s just that I got so angry seeing how wrecked the place was I lost control. I should have controlled myself better” She sighed and bowed her head. “Hana, how are you feeling? You know that I don’t hate either of you,  and I won’t leave?” I looked up at her. I was already eager to forgive her and return things to normal.

“I know” I responded. 

Mother smiled and dad gave her a quick peck on the cheek. “You two can take it easy today. I’ll do the chores for you. I’ll see about pulling some favors to get the supplies replaced sometime later, it’s no big deal” Dad and I went inside to put away our things.  I was happy, already hopeful for more happy years. The adults in my life said things would improve, so I thought it was true. This was one of the first times I found out they could be wrong. 

Things were unpredictable after that. Mother did keep her promise to cool off for after that for a while. Even when it seemed like she would get frustrated, she’d find some restraint within her and control herself.  But after a while, she just seemed to forget. Maybe it was too much for her to keep herself in check always, or it was stress from her job, or maybe she just didn’t care. Regardless of why she did it, her anger creeped on back in our lives. The both of us did our best to avoid it, but we never quite knew what would set her off. A chore or a meal not done to her liking would usually make her irate, or her drinking would give her a hair trigger, sometimes she’d just come home in a bad mood if something went wrong on her trips to the village like not collecting enough money or having a trouble-making youkai slip through her fingers. Sometimes her anger would just flare up out of nowhere like when she thought one of us was disrespectful to her. 

Most of the time she just shouted or twisted an arm or gave a smack across the face. Dad got the brunt of it, I suppose she thought he could handle it more, but sometimes if I wasn’t picking up fast enough on my training or if I acted up then she would get rather rough with my punishment.  She’d yank me to the ground or make up some new chores for me to do. I was too delicate for her to really delver a punishment to, I suppose. Major flareups like the one she had after finding how the fairies trashed the shrine would still occasionally happen. We spent a few nights over at Marisa’s over the years. It was when I was ten years old that the next major downturn happened. 

She  had come drunk again. She stumbled inside and dad had quickly served her dinner and hid the sake. Mother sat down and the complaints started “This meal sucks, and it’s so cold. You don’t do much anyway, would it kill you to spend more time looking for the good rice and actually making the meal?” Dad bowed his head and apologized. He knew better then to argue. Regardless of how bad she thought it was, she still ate. “Where’s the sake? I feel like a drink” Dad edged away a bit, knowing what would happen. As I watched from around the corner, I saw her raise up from her sitting position and stumble over to him to smack him in the face.  As he reeled from this, she pulled out her favorite   tool of household discipline, the goehi. The first blow hit him the in side of the head, then a rain of blows followed on the rest of his body as he crumbled to the floor. His chest, his arms, his sides, his face. The rain of blows can fast and hard for someone that plastered. “Don’t fucking baby me, I know my limits, I know how to do my job. You don’t even have a real job! You can’t even help me run this place properly!” Trying his best to weather the storm, dad just admitted where he hid the sake, With a victorious grunt, she got up and retrieved it from the cabinet.  “Don’t disturb me and clean up” As she started to head to her room, I ducked away to a side room to avoid her as she passed me by. When I heard her enter and a few moments had passed, I went to check up on dad. He was already getting up and checking on himself, wincing from the pain. We both knew what to do next. 

______________________________

It was rather late when we arrived at Marisa’s, but she had gotten used to these sorts of visits. Her face soured when she had seen the state dad was in. Mother had really hurt him this time, and the long walk over had not helped at all. It was amazing that he was even able to work it there that far.  “Hana, go get the ingredients for the healing salve, I’ll mix it up” I carefully made my way towards the cabinet where she stored and remembered which ones were needed. Picking them up, I brought them over to the table Marisa was sitting at where she kept most of her potion making equipment.  Giving the ingredients the once-over, she went to work. Mashing, Mixing, heating, pouring, she worked quickly and methodically, her brow tensed in concentration. It didn’t take long before it was ready. “Okay Hana, you can get ready for bed now. I can handle dressing your dad’s bruises” But I was too curious to go to bed. I waited for her to head into her bedroom and snuck behind her, nudging the door open just a bit. Dad was sitting on her bed and upon seeing her, he removed his robes, revealing his chest and back. I gasped silently. Dad had always kept me from seeing him barechested like this, even if he was working in the hot sun or getting into the bath. I now understood this wasn’t out of shyness or decent. A patchwork of bruises ran across his body. Some of them were brand new, but many were old. Marisa clicked her tongue at this and went to work, using a brush to spread the salve over the fresh bruises. “You can’t keep doing this Anon, she might cripple you or worse one of these days” 

Dad just shook his head “I can’t, Hana is still in her training and she needs to complete that. Taking her away from her mom would just hurt her. Reimu can get better, I just can’t give up and ran away. Where would I go?” 

Marisa grunted. “There’s plenty of women that would be willing to marry you. You’re a great guy, and Hana is a sweet kid. You could work something out with a new life and her training”

Dad gasped a bit as she touched a sore spot “Ah!. Well, no. You know I can’t do that. If we were to just leave, Reimu wouldn’t have anyone to look after her, and who knows what would happen then? She can fix herself, she’s come close so many times” Marisa didn’t respond to this but continued to work in silence. The conversation was over.  I quietly got up and made preparations for bed as if I hadn’t been listened in. All of this was too much for my mind to handle, but tiredness won out and I feel into sleep. 

In the morning, Marisa insisted that Dad sit back and let her cook breakfast. It was to put to charitably, edible. After that was done, it was time to head back to the shrine. Marisa was hesitant to see us off, but dad had made his mind clear the night before. But she didn’t want to just leave.  She pulled out a small object the size of a fist from somewhere out the folds of her dress and handed it to Dad. It looked like a small, smooth stone with a crystal embedded in the middle. A button lay to the side. “Listen, I think it’s for the best that you don’t have to go all the way over here whenever you need help. This is for you. Press the button” Dad did so, and the crystal began to glow and hum. From somewhere in the next room,  there was a similar glow and humming noise. “They communicate with each other, I can track you down with it. If you ever need help, you just press the button and I’ll come as soon as I can. If you’re really going to stay with her, then I really want you to have help available as soon as you need it. Take it” Dad  pressed the button again and pocketed the stone.  Dad started to say his goodbyes, justifying that Reimu should have calmed down by now. Marisa pursed her lips, but didn’t do anything to stop us. We went off, hoping that this time, for real would be the last time we would have to come here like this and we would never need her help again. 

The rest of that day was actually peaceful. This had less to do with mother being sorry about what she did and more with her being so hungover that she could hardly leave the bedroom. While we do have to do her share of the chores, it was a small price to pay for a quiet day and it gave dad the chance to hide the device he got from Marisa. He showed me how he hid it tucked under  an old unused bundle of cloth in the storage shed, reminding me not to touch it without a good reason and to never tell mom about it. I agreed and felt some sort of safety about having a helpline so close by, 

It took only a few weeks for that to be tested. It was just another day of doing work around the shrine. I had finished my training for the day and there was no other work to be done, so Dad and I were lounging around the house. Mother was just doing some rounds around the shrine to check up on things. Then she  came back, in her hand she was holding the device dad hid only a few weeks ago. “Anon. I was checking to see if that old cloth we had was any good when I found this. Do you know what it is?” 

Dad sat up, trying not to show how nervous he was. “Nope, I don’t know it, Must be old” He said, assuming it was safe to lie. 

Mother scoffed. “But I don’t remember  seeing it anywhere before. I warned you about bringing in magical trinkets here without my permission. You don’t know what kind of effect they’ll have”   Turning it over in her hand, she gave it a critical eye, hoping that she could either find out its secrets or that one of us would admit the truth. When the both of us remained silent, she found the button and pressed it. It began to hum and glow and she let out a curious grunt. We all stared at it for a few seconds, but there were no sudden drastic changes. Seemingly content that it wasn’t immediately dangerous, she turned if off.  “Well, I’ll just hold onto this and get rid of it later. These things can be dangerous, remember” She exited  the shrine  off to continue her rounds around the grounds. My heart thumped in my chest.  Even then, I had some idea how she would react at seeing Marisa come in to response to the signal. 

I hoped that she didn’t notice it, that she was busy with something and would ignore it this time. But only a short time later, we heard a pair of feet jump to the ground and run towards the front doors of the shrine.  The doors were flung open, revealing Marisa. “I got your message, are you guys okay? Did she hurt you? I think I have enough space on my broom for another person, so if we make two trips..” Clenching her own signaling rock in her hand, she looked around the room at us. She noticed how we weren’t actually jumping up at her rescue “Why are you looking at me like that? Didn’t you need me?” Before any of us could explain, someone else entered in behind Marisa. It was Mother. Marisa turned to look at her, mouth a bit agape. Running into her was the last thing she wanted. 

The feeling seemed to be mutual on Mother’s side, as she glared at the sudden intruder. “I knew I heard someone come running in” she hissed. Her eyes came to rest on the stone Marisa was holding.  Then she brought up the stone she took from us, comparing the two. Click. She pressed the button and the two stones began to hum and glow in unison. All of us froze in place, nobody wanting to make the first move. Then she  started to chuckle. It was dark, forbidding, empty of any mirth.  “Oh, I see how it is now. This all makes so much sense. Now I have proof” 

“I always had suspicions about what you did whenever you ran off, but I wanted to trust you. Now I know. I guess you can’t care about your family anymore, do you Anon?” Mother said, turning off the stone and letting it drop to the floor. “Guess this is for whenever you want to call her over, right? How shameless you two are. How long have you been doing this?”  

Marisa was the first to speak up. “What? Reimu no, it’s not like that at all! Just listen to me.”
Mother snorted, not impressed by Marisa’s attempt to explain. “Why else would you have a secret way of calling each other, huh? Go on, give me an excuse” Neither Dad nor Marisa gave an answer, thinking of the right way to phrase it.  As they were thinking of the best way to tell her, Mother turned over to me, leaning over and looking me in the eyes. “Now Hana, tell me the truth. Did you ever see Dad and her get close? Did they ever hug or kiss each other? Did they ever send you away while they spend time with each other?” I remember being confused by this question and trying to understand what she was getting at. But even then I understood that saying “Yes” would make things much worse. So I just told the truth.

“Nope, I never saw anything like that” 

Mother stood up, a little annoyed at my answer. By then Marisa had figured what she thought was the safest way to phrase what she wanted to say “You see? It’s nothing like that. It’s just that sometimes you treat Anon too rough, so they have to come over to my place until you cool off. I just gave him a way to stay in touch so that if they ever needed me they could contact me. Reimu, you’re hurting them, please understand that. I just can’t stand seeing you like this”  Marisa turned her gaze away from Mother, as if it didn’t feel right to just confront her like this after all this time. 

Mother seemed to mull over these words, seeming a bit mournful even. But then the familiar look of anger returned to her face. She moved towards the witch.  “Oh, so you abandon me for over a decade just like everyone else, and then you expect to swoop on in to play the hero and scold me about how I treat my family, something you know nothing about. Are you that oblivious or did you expect he would let you on his dick if you acted nice enough?”  

Dad was quick to interject ‘Ah, Reimu, Hana is listening, maybe you shouldn’t say something like that” 

Mother looked back at him and dismissively waved her hand at him “It would be just like you. The thief that always takes from others. Just like you to come on in and  steal someone instead of taking the effort to find someone yourself. You haven’t changed since  I’ve gotten married!” she flings her arms over her head, getting worked up “I’ve got an important job and duties, a husband, a daughter to raise and teach. You don’t know anything about responsibility! You still live alone in the woods, running a shop nobody goes to. You always leech off the hard work of others, and you always butt in other’s businesses. Why would I listen to you on how to run my life? Just get out” 

Marisa tried to act tough and stand her ground, but it was hard to project a confident image when were eyes were welling with tears. Despite that, she got into a stance, right to launch an attack at any moment.  “I...You...” She tried to say “You changed too much! If you not going to listen to what I’m saying then I’ll have to make you, I mean it!” 

Mother just chuckled. “Oh yes, fight me. Be a homewrecker, destroy  the shrine, maybe even get them killed in the crossfire, we all now how you love to hold back. Just know they’ll always wonder why you waited so long to bother to get up and save them. But fight me, then lose. See where that gets you”

Marisa’s will seemed to break. She slumped down. “I...need to head home. I’ll just see you guys later, okay? I need to think about some things” Sniffling, she heading outside, jumped on her broom and flew away. My heart sank. Even if the chance of being saved was  slim, it was still a chance. Now that chance was flying away. Mother watched her disappear  then she turned her attention on us.  

“Now for you two. I’m sure you know what you did. I don’t want anymore secrets, and you better not see the witch again. She’s a bad influence, understood?” We both nodded, almost by reflex.  “Anon, you know how to prove your fidelity to me. I’ll be in the bedroom. Don’t disappoint me, I need this. Hana, you do the rest of the chores around here and don’t interrupt  me or dad, understood?” I started to tidy things up in the room as Dad obediently followed Mom to the bedroom. After a few hours had passed and I had finished up my chores, they had left the bedroom to make dinner. I noticed Dad had a few more bruises. 

I never saw much of Marisa after that. She didn’t vanish completely, but she did her best to avoid us. It was clear she had gotten the message that it would be bad for us if she kept staying around. Whenever she couldn’t avoid us, like when she had business with mother the interactions were brief and to the point. She never asked how things were at home. Without the refuge Marisa gave us, Dad and I had nowhere to turn from Mother’s behavior. She was slow to forgive us for our perceived attempt to involve an outsider in her life. It  took weeks for her to allow Dad to go off on his own, as she thought he would go running off and get someone else involved in “personal family matters” It was so strange that so could be so possessive of him one moment, but striking him the next. If she really wanted him so badly then why wouldn’t she treat him better? It made no sense to me.

As the years went on, Dad and I endured Mother’s temper and I slowly marched towards adulthood. Of course, this meant certain facts of life were made clear to me by my parents. This cleared up a few questions, but left me with many more.  My parents advice differed. Mother told me it was best for me to find someone that could do their duties probably and wouldn’t get on my nerves. Dad said I should find someone that I enjoyed being around and would never try to hurt me or make or do anything that made me uncomfortable. Of course, he would know how bad those relationships could be. 

That wasn’t the only lesson of getting older. As I grew up and my powers got stronger and more refined, I was being eased into my duties as a shrine maiden.  Instead of being a bystander as she did something simple like wave away mischievous  faeries or doing work she  found tedious like creating ofuda, I was brought to actually deal with youkai with her. One of my first actual jobs with my mother was to deal with a cat youaki harassing a small farm.  It wasn’t anything dangerous, it was just stealing supplies it use as its own and killing his chickens. Enough to be a nuisance but not dangerous enough to put me at any risk. We staked out the farm at night and waited for it to come, Mother wanted me to deal with it personally to get some experience. The plan was simple. She would wait near the chicken coop and chase the cat towards me when it appeared. I’d stop it, it would learn not to ruin the livelihood of others, and we’d be able to head home with a successful hunt under my belt. 

I stood waiting, trying to pay attention and stay awake at night looking for any sign of the cat when I saw it. It was a small, scraggly, dirty thing. Just one of the many common beast youkai that could be found in the wilderness, nothing dangerous at all. I got ready, ofuda clenched  between my fingers, ready to spring put at any moment. It slowly crept towards the coop. Then I heard the chickens raise a huge ruckus. Just barely over all the noise, I could hear my mother yell something and the cat yelp in surprise.  It had bolted away and was heading towards where I was hidden. I breathed in, waiting for it to get closer as I steadied my aim. It closed the distance and I lept out of hiding and aimed directly for its chest. My aim was straight and true, but I did not predict it would weave slightly.  My ofuda missed by a hair, and before I could aim another one it barreled into me, knocking me to the ground.  By the time I got out and had another ofuda ready, it was gone into the treeline. 

All the noise woke up the farmer and his wife and sent them and Mother towards me. After I explained what had happened, Mother made me apologize to the couple for failing to capture it properly and said  we would come back to make sure it was gone for good. The couple seemed understanding of my failure and Mother and I headed home so we could at least get some sleep. When we were out of sight of the farm, she smacked me on the back of the head, sending me face first into the ground. “That was a real amateur mistake Hana, you won’t have any future as a shrine maiden if you can’t even deal with a mangy cat”  she continued to scold me as I picked myself off the ground.  “Now they think we’re idiots that can’t handle something so simple and we have to come back here again to make sure it left. Well, you just have to do it alone I guess. You’re going to have to learn how to handle these on your own sooner or later” She a sigh, she hurried down the path, not caring if I was being left behind. 

 Mother eventually forgave me and let me continue doing field work.  My next outings were not nearly as disastrous. My reflexes got better, I became more aware of the little clues left behind in an investigation, my ability to channel my powers grew and grew. It wasn't soon until Mother graduated me from “Dead Weight” to “Someone who can do all the annoying minor jobs” I had hoped that having someone lighten the workload she had would improve her mood, and it did to some extent.  But she was still unpredictable as always. Sometimes she would just get in a bad mood for one reason or another and take it out on us. We endured as always. Dad always dad a smile and an excuse for whenever she hit him, but I could tell his resolve  was wavering.  I was no longer a child and he didn’t have to stick around her for my sake. I guess he still felt like he had a duty to be by her side, no matter how many times she hurt him. 

With my growing freedom to explore the village and world on my own, I came to confirm something.  Everyone knew. It wasn’t just Marisa and Aunn, who still stuck around but learned to not interfere much after Mother caught her cuddling up to Dad after she’d beat him one day. But it was everyone. The people in the village were always quiet when she walked by and whispered when she wasn’t around.  I got sad looks from them occasionally and they occasionally pressed gifts into my hands to take home after I helped them deal with youkai, obviously feeling sorry for my home life even if they didn’t say it. The youkai knew it as well, and they feared my Mother much more then me, and not just for the gap in power we had. They were mostly kind enough not to not speak up about this, but not all of them.

I remember one of those times very well. I was sixteen, investing reports of s strange large flying shadow in the sky. The mystery would be solved when a Kappa crashed her glider into a house on the village’s outskirts. I was there on the scene, making sure everyone was alright and making the Kappa swear she would  pay for the damages. As I confiscated  her manuals and made a note to check in on things to make sure the kappa wouldn’t build this troublesome thing again. I heard her mutter something. Asking her to repeat herself, she turned to me with a grimace. “I said maybe you should be back at home looking after dad instead of ruining my fun. We all know he needs to more” I would have merely been upset at what she said if she hadn’t smirked at me. In a second, the Kappa was on the ground, gasping in pain from the blow my gohei made to her ribcage. I stood above her, ready to beat her again when I saw her smug  face melt into one of fear. I had a reason to be angry at her, I was stronger to her, I could easily teach her a lesson. But I paused. Something about this situation seemed too familiar to me. I couldn’t go through with it. I let her go and watched as she scrambled away before heading back to the shrine. I had a lot to think about on the way. 

I came home to find it quiet. Not even Aunn was there to greet me, she must have been patrolling around somewhere else. As I went inside, I saw empty dishes and a sake jug were left on the table. Mother had clearly eaten dinner without me. I sigh and cleaned things up, wondering why Dad hadn’t done it. Not cleaning up messes was one of the things that always sent her off.  As I finish up and head further into the shrine, I heard the noises coming from their room. Of course, I wasn’t naive. If the door to the room is closed and the two of them were muttering, then one conclusion came to mind. But it was the nature of the noises that upset me. “Dear, don’t you think you should lay down, You drank at the stall in the village, then you drank here. You’ll get sick” I heard Dad say.

“I’m fine, I’m fine” I heard Mother slur. “I’m not drunk, I know my limits, Jeez. Hana is going to be gone for a while so why don’t we...” The rustling of clothes and the grunting of Dad.   Then a loud slap, and another one. “You’ve been so cold to me lately, come on...” The rustling continued. Dad sighed and muttered something I couldn’t hear. A pause came, then the movement of bodies and Mother’s moan. “See, you like this. No need to act like you don’t like this” She giggled. I tore myself away from the door, not wanting to hear anymore. It was just another crime my mother committed to my dad on top of all of the other abuse. I felt disgusted, this surely wasn’t the first time she did this.

Wait. If she did this multiple times before and they had me, then that meant that I possibly was…

No. No. No. No. I felt my stomach tie into a knot. I couldn’t stay here. I had to leave. The thought of bursting in and saving Dad surfaced into my mind. But I pushed it aside. I wanted to avoid what was going in that room. I just had to think things over. Without looking back. I took into the sky and flew far away, trying to hold back tears. 

I landed somewhere on Youkai Mountain, far in the wilderness. I needed to be alone. Nobody could be seen in the wilderness around me. Perfect. I still couldn’t relax, so I stared at the trees surrounding me and closed my eyes. No. I was surrounded by enemies. I channeled the power though me and let loose. There was a hungry and feral looking beast youkai. I sent a blast out, splitting my target in half. A tengu, always plotting and snooping around. Another blast, and my target went down. My next target was a human. One I knew my entire life and one I hated more then any youkai. I aimed at my target  and obliterated it and effortlessly dodged the wood fragments. As I catch my breath, I here a voice. “You know, there are better uses of your powers then blowing apart trees”

I spin around and see a short pink haired woman approach me.  After a while, her name clicks into my mind. Ibaraki Kasen. For such an important  figure, we never saw much of each other, only talking to each other briefly a few times over the years. I had my suspicions why this was the case.  “You should learn to control your anger more, you can’t do your duties probably if you’re using this kind of force when you get upset” she scolded. I grit my teeth, the implications of what she said, intentional or otherwise was enough to anger me even more. Her face gts a bit more serious.  “Did something happen? You’re all alone out here, and I only found you because of all the noise. What’s wrong?” 

Internally, I mull over telling her to go away. If she really cared, then she would have stepped into my life before. But I’m not quite ready to outright refuse her. “You never offered your help before, you know. It’s nice for you to help me now” I scoff, trying to see what  she would say.  

Kasen frowns and thinks for a bit “Well I’ve been very busy these years, you know. Lots of things going on that need my attention. It’s hard to find the right time for these more, er, delicate matters you see” Kasen looked away flustered. She was such a bad liar. “But please. If you’re willing just tell me what’s bothering you. I’ll help you now”  She looks at me, almost eager looking as if she was ready to go on a long lecture. 

I sighed. I dreaded the sort of answer she would give me to my question, but I had to find closure or it would eat away at me. “You knew my mother since before I was born, so tell me, was I wanted?” 

Kasen face melted into one of confusion “Come again?” She says. 

“I know her abuse of my dad goes much further then I thought now. So answer me. Did they both want me, or did she force him to...to...” I let he implication linger heavy in the air, unable to be  to choke out the rest of my sentence.  I saw my vision become  blurry and I wiped my face with a sleeve. 

Kasen catches on and she brought up a hand to her mouth as her eyes widened. “I had no idea. He....He never told me, how could she do something like that?” She stands silent for a few moments, letting it  sink in  before she spoke again. “I know both of your parents were ecstatic when they realized she was pregnant. Your father never gave me any indication that you were the product of something he hated ” She stares up at the sky “We thought that things would be for the better when she had a child to look after, you know? Everyone was so thrilled to hear the news” a small smile appeared on her face “I’m sorry I never helped you before, I never knew the full extent of what was going on and interfering would have been difficult, you’ll understand this when you take over for your mother” I remain silent at her excuses for as I controlled my anger. “For now, maybe you and your father should live away from the shrine for a while. I can get a place in the village for you two. You shouldn’t need your mother’s supervision anymore. I won’t tell anyone a word of what you told me, I promise you. Just concern yourself for you and your father’s safety now”

My anger at Kasen for not doing much of anything is somewhat mitigated at her offer. I thought about it. Just me and Dad being able to live without tiptoeing around my mother. I could handle most of the youkai extermination requests handed to me, and Dad could probably find work somewhere in the village, so money wouldn’t be much of an issue. The thought of moving away had crossed my mind a few times before, but I never had the means to get a place for the two of us. I wasn’t going to let this chance slip by.

“I agree, I’ll just have to get things ready” 

Kasen was able to find a small home in the village.  It was good enough for our needs and I could make the payments on it, so I began the process of secretly preparing to move. 	The most difficult part was to convince Dad to come with me. I waited for an opportunity when the two of us would be alone to discuss things. One day when Mother left for business, I made my move.  He was out doing some gardening when I approached him. “I found a place in the village to stay, I’m going to live there and I think you should come with me.” 

Dad looked up from his work, a concerned look on his face “You’re leaving? I suppose you’re old enough, and there’s not much more that your mom can teach you, but I can’t just leave her behind. There’s just too much work to do around here, and she’s my wife. Living apart just wouldn’t work for us”

I knew it would be like this. He always denied  there was a problem  in his marriage. I had to push things further. “Dad, I’m not a kid anymore, you don’t have to deny that she hurts you or stay with her for my sake. I know she abuses you. Everyone knows she abuses you. Nobody is going to judge you for wanting to stay away from her. You could just live apart from her for a while and see if things improve. She can handle living on her own, the shrine isn’t going to fall apart just because you’re not here. ” I didn’t exactly tell him everything I thought. I wanted him to leave Reimu for good, to never see her again. I wanted him to know I thought that he was too forgiving of her, after all she put him through. I wanted more answers on just who she became this way. But I kept silent about all of that. Directly confronting him like that would only make him shut me out. 

He mused on my words as he tried to keep his face serious. “Maybe It would be for the best if I tried something new and we lived apart for a while” He sighed. Dad was still so optimistic that the marriage could be saved. That or deep into denial. “She has been in a bad place lately” I bit my lip, having some idea of what he was talking about “Maybe if I were to give her time alone to think about our relationship, she could reflect and find a reason to improve” I doubted this would be the case, but he agreed to move out of the shrine and that was all that mattered.

“I’ll show the place. You might have to find a job in the village to help me pay for expenses  but I’m sure you can find one. Just get packed up and leave when you’re ready, and don’t tell her about any of this, understand?” Dad nods. “Don’t tell her goodbye or where to find you, just leave. Don’t make it easy for her to find you before she put in the effort to improve” He looks like he wants to say something for a moment, be he rains silent. “Do you need any help with the garden? I can help you finish and we could leave today” I wanted him to leave right away. If he had time to  think about his decision, then I feared he would make up an excuse to stick with her. 

Dad pointed to a pile of old brush and branches he made.  “I could use help with moving all of those out of the way, and there’s some weeds growing in the pathway that need to be pulled out, It shouldn’t take too long, I could get packed up after that” 

I got to work hauling the branches out of the way. The prospect of finally being able to have a good life for me and Dad motivated me to work hard. It didn’t take too long at all, and with a bit of pushing for Dad to stop dawdling , he packed up some clothing and other belongings and followed me out of the shrine. Despite my fears, we never ran into Mother and were able to arrive to our new home . I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. I thought we were free.    

We spent the next few days settling into  our new home and life when we heard news of Mother. It must have taken a few days for her to realize we weren’t coming back, but once she did the rumors spread fast. The gossips in the Village worked well, and soon everyone knew  that the shrine maiden had wrecked up her shrine in a rage, yelled at visitors and stormed into the village demeaning to know where her family was before being convinced to leave. I was doing my best to ignore all of this, hoping to ride out the storm and was arranging the furniture around when I heard the knock on my door 

After a moment’s hesitation to ready myself in case it was her, I opened it to see a woman with short black hair dressed in a jacket and a cap. She was holding up a small basket of food. She flashed me a smile. “Ah, hello there, I brought you two a house-warming gift, so could I come in and ask a few questions?” I shut the door. The last thing I wanted was to talk about my mother and have details about us plastered all over the Bunbunmaru.  A few seconds passed, and the knocking resumed. “I’ll just stick around then until you change your mind” she said from the other side of the door. I guess there was no beating her stubbornness, so I opened the door again and waved her inside. Aya found a seat and sat down, giving a curt nod to Dad as he came in wondering who had visited. Taking some time to place down the basket and prepare her notepad and camera, she turns towards me. “I’m sure you’ve heard the news about your mother by now. What caused your move to the village?” She leaned forward expectantly, pen and notepad at the ready. 

I didn’t want to give up any details to her, as it could only make things worse. “I was old enough to live on my own, so I moved. Everyone knows what goes on in the shrine, so there’s your reason. My dad decided to follow me instead of staying with her” That was all I had to say on the matter. Aya looked disappointed, clearly expecting something more dramatic that she could spin into a story that would sell. She tapped her chin with her shin until she spoke up again. 

“There has to be something more then that for the two of you to pack up and leave without warning. I doubt it was a family decision considering how poorly Reimu has been taking it” She says.  I see her eyes glance over to Dad and I her followed them. Dad was starting to look a bit concerned. My head snaps back to Aya. And I see a small smile on her lips. Oh no, she had figured out her angle. “Oh yes, I’m sure you’ve heard that she took her anger out on her very own shrine and chased away some worshipers that came all the way over there, and how she made a huge scene here in the village demanding that they tell here where you two are, but that’s not all. She’s been going around everywhere throwing around accusations , she thinks there’s some grand conspiracy behind you two leaving, and I certainly got an earful of it. I can’t even repeat the things she said about me or you in my newspaper” She suddenly took on a more serious look. “She’s not taking it well. You really ought to at least tell her where you are and why you left so she might return to normal. Things can’t continue like this” 

I had suspected that my mother wouldn’t react well to us leaving, but this was beyond what I thought. I still wasn’t going back, even if she was earning up half of Gensokyo. I take a moment to think of my reply “You tell her she knows why we left, and it was our decision to do so. Tell her that the only way she’ll see us again is if she changes her ways completely  and apologizes for all she’s done. We’re staying here until then” 

Aya frowned, she might have been expecting more juicy details.  “Well, If that’s how it’s going to be, then fine” she sighs and stands up, picking up her things “I’ll find someway of telling her all of that, but I doubt it’ll make her feel better. Until next time, goodbye” She walks out of the door. 
I turn to find Dad trying to follow her and hold an arm in his way. He looks at me “You heard her, Reimu needs me. If I just talk with her, I could calm her down a bit. If I get her to understand then she’ll recover and things can improve, just let me by” His will was already wavering. If he meet up with her again, she’d sink her claws back into him, or worse. I didn’t  think she’d have a happy reunion with her husband that abandoned her without warning. 

“Dad” I say “You told me you wanted to spent time away from her so she could think about your marriage, correct? If she wants it to be better, then she’ll calm down on her own and seek you out to talk things out. Her acting like this means she hasn’t improved at all, and seeing her in a bad mood, well...” He looks away, realizing what might happen if he goes and sees her. “If she gets too bad, then someone will put her in line, just forget about it for now, okay?” I felt a bit ashamed, lecturing my own father about his relationship, but he needed someone to remind him how bad things were. 

He muttered out an agreement and went to pick up the gift basket. Even if I had convinced him for now, I could still see how worried he was. 

We got used to our new lives. The youkai exterminators and youkai hiding in the village were not happy with my presence, but I kept out of their way for the most part to keep the peace. I  had plenty to do, most of the village appreciated having a shrine maiden in the safety of the village. Not many people wanted to trek out of the village to meet an unstable shrine maiden when there was one right here.   I had to but more upfront that I needed payment for all the work I was doing, but the villagers seemed to understand my circumstances.  Dad found some work as well.  He found work as a handyman, using his years of shrine maintenance to his advantage  

As the weeks went on, we heard less and less rumors of what Mother was up to. It seemed that she either calmed down or people tired of the old news. I was relieved in a way. I had no idea what she was doing, sure, but Mother was never a schemer that you needed to keep an eye on, and the less we heard of her the easier to was to keep Dad’s mind off of her.  The worshipers that still went said she no longer snapped, but was skulked around and was gruff with them. It was an improvement at least, maybe she’d even forget about us as well. By now, everyone knew things were over for my parents. A certain article published by a crow tengu saw to that. It wasn’t much of a controversy  as I thought. I picked up that after years of hearing about Mother’s abuse, us just leaving was long expected to the point they simply didn’t care much at all. 

It was late in the evening. A bunch of minor tasks for me had me running around the village, and I was tired and hungry. I might was well treat myself. On my way back home, I stepped inside Geidontei and sat down at an empty seat. It was getting late, so most of the customers have left.   Miyoi soon got done with the other customers and came over to me. “Hana, I haven’t seen you for a while, how have things been? You want the usual?” She leans down, smiling cheerfully. 

“Yeah the usual, thanks. We’ve getting used to our new life. Not exactly easy, but we’re been getting used to it since things have calmed down” I stay silent for a bit, sipping from my tea. I had another reason for coming here other then just a meal. I wanted her help on something. “Dad’s been adjusting. The new job keeps him busy, but I think he still thinks about her. I wish he’d just move on, maybe find someone else” It was awkward to admit I had an interest in my Dad’s personal life, but it was for legitimate reasons.  If he found comfort with another woman, then maybe her grip on him would be broken.  I hadn’t found a proper way to suggest this to him yet, so I wanted to see what Miyoi thought. 

Miyoi looked a bit sheepish when the topic of romance came up, but  she recovered. “I have heard people talk about your father, you know. Since everyone learned about the breakup. One of the clients here said his daughter was interested in learning more about him , and from what I could gather quite a few women share her interest” Well, that solved one of the major problems. I knew nothing about love and romance, but I knew a middle aged man with a daughter and a history of abuse isn’t what you would consider a “catch”. I thought about this as Mitoi brought me a plate of stewed vegetables. My next question was going to ruin this, but I had to ask “So” I said, between bites “That interest wouldn’t have to do with them becoming mother to the future Hakurei shrine maiden, right?” 

Miyoi was caught off guard by my question “I haven’t really asked why they like your father, but I’m sure that’s not the only reason” she said as she tried to keep a neutral  face. I thought this might be the case. But still, a woman primarily interested in the prestige in becoming my  step-mother as better then what Dad had before. They might even fall for each other. Miyoi looked around a bit to make sure the two old men drinking at a corner table weren’t listening to us. She leans forward.  “I shouldn’t be telling you this, but I think you need to know. The night crowd has been talking about your mother a lot recently. They’re having to get her to calm down. In case trouble comes up, they don’t want her acting all erratic” I can’t help but let out a soft sigh. The last thing I needed was a third party poking around in our business. “To be honest, I think a lot of people are scared to be close to your father, you know, because of her” It made sense. She wasn’t the type of woman to commit murder over someone getting close to Dad, at least I think, but the shadow of a jilted super powered lover over Dad’s head would make things difficult. “I could talk to them, suggest they help her move on instead of whatever they had in mind.  I could also say if I could get the word out that it’s safe to befriend your dad. Would that be okay with you? 

I disliked the idea of the troublemakers that came here at night involving themselves in a family affair, but they were already kne deep in it. But the people of the village opening up to Dad was just what I needed. “Just tell them that it’s safe to get close to him, don’t encourage the others. Thanks for your help, Miyoi” I finish up the last bits of my meal and leave the payment on the table. I head out, my mind thinking about what to do next to complete our new life in the village. 

“Of course I was shocked when the customers came back to me a few days later demanding I refund them. All the clothing I had sold turned into rags overnight. Of course, it couldn’t have been my fault, everything I made is of very fine quality, built to last.  But it was more concerning when my son went missing. We found him the next day, stuck in a tree. Had to borrow a ladder to get him down. He wasn’t wounded, but he was so scared. Couldn’t even remember what happened. I tell you, these days even a good boy like him ain’t safe...” I let the merchant ramble on as I looked around the store.  As he said, he was having trouble recently, and it stank of youkai involvement. Speaking of stench, it smelled like a barn in this store. I glanced over at the owner. I wasn’t going to get near him to check, but he didn’t look that bad so the source had to be something else. Crouching down and picking up a discarded jinbei on the floor, I found it covered in thick dark hair. I glanced over to the owner again. There wasn’t enough hair on his head to fill a matchbox, let alone cover everything in the store. It had to be something else. It clicked.  So that’s how it was.

It doesn’t take too long to find someone when they’re not trying to hide, even more so when they find you. After a bit of asking around to confirm my suspicion. I found the sulprit waiting for me in the open at the Myouren Temple gate . Mamizou raised her hand when she saw me approach. No doubt she had a whole angle figured out. I just wasn’t feeling like it at the moment. “Mamizou, just tell me why you’re harnessing random shopkeepers. I’m busy, you know?” 

She gave me a smug, knowing look and twirled her pipe between her fingers. No doubt she practiced it for occasions like this.  “Have you seen what he charges for what he sells? He needed a kick in the rear just for that. But really, his brat of a son made it a habit of trying to pull the tails off of tanuki. I couldn’t exactly take that insult laying down, now could I? They’ve had enough, so you can tell them the problem is solved. But I had another reason to do this” I had to hold back a groan, there was always an angle. “I wanted to see if you would figure it out, and you solved my little mystery. Congratulations. I guess you are fit to take after your mother” I scowled. I did not want to take after her. This was one of the things I disliked most about youkai. They had an allergy to being  straightforward, they had to be ridiculously complex. They couldn’t just knock on your door and say hello, they had to launch a plan to get you to do what they wanted so they could reveal how smart and mysterious they were. Why, if I had the ability to I would- “Woah, just take it easy” Mamizou cut off my train of thought. The look on my face must have been sour. “I just wanted to see how you handled it. You’re going to have to take up your mother’s mantle sooner or latter, and let’s be honest. You’re wet behind the ears. Have you ever even participated  in a major incident or a proper battle even?” 

I hadn’t. I’d never even been in a proper spell card duel. I had practiced on my own and sparred with Mother. While she had the decency to blunt her needles, she  never held back at all,  and it was still no substitute for the proper thing.  Even if Mother was to one to fly off to handle whatever major incident was occurring,   that was no excuse to skip out on my practice. “Well, I suppose I haven’t really been practicing as much as I should have, I could see about jumping in when the time is right” I said, trying to save face as much as possible. 

Mamizou sighed, her eyes narrowing. “I’m curious. Let’s just say the time has come for you to take over. How do you picture that going?” I thought about it. I always knew that I was going to take over, even as a little girl. But back then it seemed so far away then I never worried about it. But now, knowing more about my mother’s nature, I couldn’t imagine her retiring  peacefully. No matter how much she bitched about her duties, would she really just accept the quiet life of maintaining the shrine while I dealt with all the problems? Would she be okay  with the life of the Great Reimu Hakurei being well behind her? If she resisted there was no way I could beat her, even at her age. 

“I”…. I manage to stammer out. I couldn’t tell her what I was thinking. I couldn’t admit my weakness to someone who would use it. 

“I think I see the issue here” Mamizou said “Are you too scared of her that the thought of stepping out of her shadow near occurred to you?” She jabbed her pipe in my direction. I wanted to protest, but I just couldn’t find the words “Listen” she continued “You’re going to have to replace her someday. You must have known this. You can’t keep denying your purpose just because you don’t want to face up to her. I ain’t saying it’s gonna be easy, but you have to deal with it. Could this year, or ten years from now, but you can’t hide from it” She shakes her head and her expression softens. 

“That’s enough nagging  for today. This old lady is gonna head off now. I’m sure you’ll figure out what to do with your life, you already did good by separating  from her, you just gather the courage to go all the way.  When the time comes for the next Hakurei Shrine Maiden comes, I just hope you’re ready”  Mamizou walked off to the temple, I could have flown back to the village, but I felt like walking instead to gather my thoughts. Was I really  that scared of my mother that I’d rather hide away and hope I never had to deal with her again? Even if I did, how could I replace her? She’d battled so many powerful beings, being involved in so many incidents. Could I really fulfill her duties like this. The truth was no. Not at all.  But if there was one good thing about being her daughter, it meant I might have had her potential. All I had to do was draw it out. 

Later that day, I helped dad clean up after dinner. His mood had been improving recently, he hadn’t brought up Mother in a while. Maybe the peace of village life made her slip out of his mind. I was sure what I was going to say would make him worry, but I had already made up my mind to do this. “Dad, you might be seeing less of me for a while. I’ve decided to train more. To be ready for future incidents. I want take my role in solving them” 

Dad looked over at me, clearly worried “That’s pretty sudden. You know they can get pretty dangerous, Reimu always complained they always over-complicated her life. What if you run into trouble? I mean it’s just that...” He stops himself. I knew what he was going to say.

“I’m not the Hakurei shrine maiden as of yet, I know” I said with a sigh “I’m not looking to replace her right away. I just want to be ready for when the time comes, I haven’t much experience in a proper fight and I’d need to get it sooner rather then later. I know it can be dangerous, you made me pour over all the history lessons years ago. I just want to prepare myself so I’m not facing down an oni or a god without the skills to beat them. I’ll play it safe for now, don’t worry so much” 

“I know” Dad said as he put down a bowl to dry. He was silent, but I could tell he still had something on his mind. He reached out to wash another bowl, but stopped himself. “Just promise me you’ll be careful. Not just in fights, but the stress. I don’t want it to get to you. It’s a lot of responsibility, it can be overwhelming” He went back to the dishes. The talk was over.

 I knew what he was saying. He was telling me not to turn out like her. I was somewhat insulted that he needed to bring it up, as if he thought that I could be like her. But I thought about it more. As the shrine maiden I’d have to get involved in major incidents and protect the land, make sure the peace was kept and nobody was undermining the rules, and keep up with the duties of the shrine among with anything else that needed my attention.  It was definitely  overwhelming to me. I could understand why this would be a stressful duty, but I wasn’t going to forgive Mother for everything by blaming it on the stress of her job. It didn’t excuse anything she did.  I reach up to put the bowls back into the cabinet. “If I’m out, I’ll likely be training. So if someone comes looking for me here, tell me when I get back. I know who I’m training with”. Tomorrow would be the start of it all.

It had been years, but I still remembered the path through the Forest of Magic well enough.  I had to stop to get my bearing occasionally or double back, but it wasn’t long before I arrived.  I knocked on the door. After a few moments, Marisa opened the door. She recognized me and her eyes widened. “Hana? It’s been so long! How are you doing? Is your dad okay? Is that why you’re here alone?” Her smile fades when the possibility of bad news comes across her mind. 

“We’re fine, I just wanted to talk to you about something, Can I come in?” I asked.  Marisa opened the door wide and let me inside. While it had been so long since I’d last been here, it was still the same mess, she hadn’t haven't a bit in that regard. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if some of this junk had been around since then. Marisa sweeps a table clean and mutters an apology  as she goes into the kitchen. A few minutes later she came  back with two cups of tea.

“I’m so, so sorry I haven’t seen you in years. You’ve grown so much since then!” She set down the cups of tea as she kept  talking, starting to get over the surprise of my visit “I heard the rumors, about you leaving the shrine. It’s been weeks since then. Are you two settled? I thought about visiting but ah, you know” She rubs the back of her neck and gave  me a sheepish pout. I guess even Marisa would get embarrassed at popping back into our lives so suddenly. 

“We’ve been adjusting. Dad was unhappy at first, but I think he’s getting used to it. He’s a lot happier now, I just want him to settle in” I said, testing to see how hot the tea was.  “We’ve been making ends meet and I can fly solo now. I don’t need to be with her anymore. Things are working out. But I just need your help with something. This is it, no turning back. I was sure I had made the right choice, but I still felt anxious. This was going to be quite the undertaking.  I breathed in.“Please, tutor me on how to fight, how to use spellcards, everything. So I can be ready to take her place.  I want to surpass my mother” 

Marisa blinked and took a few seconds as the enormity  of my request sunk into her brain. “Well” she stammered out “We’ve got a lot of work to do” 

“Two more loops. Now slow down. Not gradually, on a dime! It’s about precision!” Marisa barked orders to me from the grounds as I controlled my flight to her specifications. I slowed down my flight, slowly drifting to the side.  “Too slow! It’s not about making yourself a target, it’s about giving yourself the control to duck and weave through the shots! Focus  your movement!” I sped up a bit as I continued to fly in a pattern. “Better!” Marisa shouted up. The very first thing Marisa noticed when we went outside to start training that my flight was all wrong.  The way she explained it was that good movement was the foundation skill of Danmaku, and my current skill level was good for nothing but flying around on errands. So begun a few hours of foundational training. “Good enough!” she said, waving me down “Take a breather” 

I set down on the ground and rested for a bit. I needed to work on my stamina, I was already getting tired. I’d never be able to handle the intensity of flying all over Gensokyo and getting into fights if this was tiring for me. “I’m already seeing some improvement, but you’ll need to work on it” Marisa said as she handed me a cup of water. I took it and gulped it down. “You can practice it even when I’m not around. Get more used to making gradual movement, I noticed you jerking around too much up there” I nodded as I finished up my drink and handed it back to her. 

“Alright, that’s enough rest. You’re not going to have the time to take breaks when the real deal happens. You’re not an old lady like me after all. After getting involved in last years incident,  I just went back home and went right to sleep only to wake up to a sore back for the rest of the day” She shoke  her head. “Well that’s all the more reason for you to train hard. The sooner you take up the mantle, the less work frail old crones like me are forced to do. Now get up there” I went up and was surprised to see Marisa had followed me.     

“What’s next?” I say as I watched her circle around me. Marisa paused, then zipped up suddenly so she was right in my face. I admit that I flinched. Her smile widened a bit, a teasing look on her face.

“You gotta work on that. Being jumpy ain’t good for your relaxes. It’s getting late, so why don’t we practice some dodging? I’ll go easy on you, do your best!” Before I could give a response and darted back a distance. She raised up a hand, then everything happened at once. Stars. Bright colorful stars appeared out of the air and circled towards me. My eyes darted around, looking for a opening. There? No it just closed. Here? I barely squeezed through, and I felt the heat of the stars on my skin. I had no time to rest, as I saw another wave coming in, I stopped and waited for an opening, and that’s when I saw the laser. 

It was hard not to see it, being roughly the size of the street. I had no chance. I remember being surprised that Marisa would kill me like this when it passed over me. It certainly hurt, like someone had jabbed me with hundreds of hot needles. The pain made me lose my balance and I wobbled to the ground, collapsing in a heap. I noticed my clothing was frayed and slightly burnt.  “Fuck” I said, not really being in the mood to be poetical. 

Marisa landed on the ground next to me “You okay? The pain should wear off soon, there’s no lasting damage” She gave me her hand and I took it, standing up “Maybe I overdid this a bit, this is your first time after all. I haven’t had a proper spar in a while you know. Reimu never really had a problem with this...” Marisa caught herself and frowned as she realized what she brought up “Ah. Sorry, sorry.  Maybe we need to take it down a few stages before I have you dodging spell cards you know? The path to Danmaku is hundreds of hours of blood, sweat and tears, you know. That’s enough for today. We can pick this up from tomorrow”

“Thanks Marisa” I said before setting off on my way home. This certainly wasn’t going to be easy. As soon as I got home, I went right to my room and flopped right to bed. As I drifted off to sleep, I wondered how long this path would be. 

I woke up, still feeling a bit tired despite the long night of sleep. Pulling the double duty of having a day job in the village and training in the evening would wear on me, I could tell. But it was part of the training itself, I suppose. If the all the incident  solvers could balance their work with their training, I’d have to lean how to do that too. So I spent my days continuing to offer my services to the villagers and then going over to Marisa’s whenever she was free. 

Marisa took to being my teacher quickly and eagerly. She always had ideas for what we would do next. Some days she would have me fly low through the trees, dodging branches and collecting flags she tied to them in the shortest amount of them.  She said it would get me used to speeding through obstacles and navigating difficult places. However, I did refuse the use of a blindfold when she tried pushing it on me. She once attempted to set up a course through the forest with bombs and other devices rigged to go off when I went near to “simulate enemy fire”. That plan died before it could begin when a passing autumn goddess noticed this and lectured us on respecting nature and if we burnt down the forest we could never see the beauty of the falling leaves. We spent the rest of the day removing everything. 
She’d continue to spar with me. I knew she was going easy on me, but someone with her amount of experience trying to hold back was still too much for a newcomer to handle.  I was getting better, but the process was gradual and difficult. I had failed again when I backed into a bullet I lost track of. Marisa landed on the ground “You gotta keep better track of these things. Just because you can’t see them, doesn’t mean they’re still a danger. But come in, I want to show you something”

I followed her in and saw her at a table. She motioned for me to sit down next to her and when I did she slide an old worn book over to me “I finally found this thing yesterday. I knew I had it somewhere but I misplaced it years ago” I flipped open the book and scanned through a few pages. These were all notes on Danmaku.  It wasn’t professionally made, the handwritten instead of typed text and the informal writing style made that clear. It wasn't anything like the theory of Danmuku or how to improve, but Spell Cards themselves. Who used them, what they were called, what they did. Someone the names I recognized, some I didn’t. I spent some time reading it before Marisa piped up “I made this years ago. It used to be a bit of a hobby of mine to pay attention to the Spell Cards used by others and see if there was anything to learn from them. I thought it would be useful to collect it all in a book and gather my thoughts on them. It’s really outdated, but I thought it still could be useful to you”

She jabbed a finger at an entry. “You see, it’s as much as an art as it is a combat skill. You’re going to face all sorts of people with all sorts of differing personalities and abilities. So naturally this influences the way they’ll fight you. If they can change your perception, they’ll do it, If they have power over nature they’ll use it against you, if they’re bold they might be aggressive in their style and so on”. I flipped through the book as she looked over my shoulder, trying to find the best examples. I started to notice a pattern forming. 

“How do you deal with people playing unfair? Look at these. Messing with time, blinding you, facing you three against one? What are you supposed to do then?” I said curious if the answer wasn’t going to be that I should just cheat harder. 

Marisa leaned back in her chair. “Well, you just gotta suck it up I guess. It ain’t always gonna be fair but there’s always a chance to win as long as you’re trying. That’s the whole reason for the system. Sometimes you’ll be facing off against a weakling that can’t even read and sometimes you’ll be facing off against someone so powerful they could wipe you out with the wave of their hand” Marisa waved her hand.  “I know you haven’t even started making your own Cards, but you should keep these in mind.  But as long as you don’t name it something like “This will kill you horribly” and send an undodgeable  wave of pain towards someone, you should be in the clear” She clicked her tongue in a frustrated fashion. “Anyways, the book is yours, I ain’t gonna use it anymore. Consider reading it part of your training. Which is done for the day by the way” 

I thanked her, picked up the book and went on my way home. It was still light out, so I had time to get home and do some chores before reading more of the book. At least I would have if  Mother hadn’t spotted me on the way home. 

I was on the one of the shopping streets when we saw each other. Our eyes locked. We had the luck not to run into her by since we moved but I knew that wouldn’t last forever, and today was the day it happened. She started to make her way towards me, ignoring the onlookers. I turned around and started to quickly walk away. Running would cause too much of a stir and might set her off and who knows what she might have done, even with the crowd watching. I tried to squeeze by a child and had an instructive thought of tossing him in mother’s way to slow her down. I would pray for his soul in the afterlife and all would be forgiven. But that thought quickly died out when I realized it was awful. I couldn't be that scared of her, could I? I slide by him and had a clear way when I felt mother grab me. She was faster and more agile then she looked. 

“Hana. We need to talk” She said, dragging me to an alleyway. The crowd started to move with us, but she glared at them “This is a private matter, so you all leave!” She shouted out. The crowd dispersed. When she  saw we had no followers, she pulled me into  the alleyway. She yanked me towards the wall and got up to me, her glare burning into me.  “When are you coming back​? Do you have any idea how irresponsible it was to just leave without telling me? The damage you did, how it made me feel?” 

We’re never coming back and I don’t care what it did to you, I want to say. You never cared before, so why make a big show of it now? But I find myself faltering slightly in her presence. “We’re not planning on coming back if its just going to be the same” I manage to squeeze out “We’re living just fine here and can support ourselves, so unless you have a good reason we’re staying” 

“That’s exactly the issue” she snaped. “Don’t you know what I thought when you and Anon went missing? I thought you might had been killed! There’s no shortage of people out there who would have loved to use my family to get to me. When you didn’t come back I thought you might have been held hostage somewhere! But Noooooo!” She pushed me in the chest. “You had just run off here and left me to deal with everything! Oh, and then I heard all about that job of yours. Don’t you know how disgraceful that is? You’re supposed  to be a shrine maiden! Maintaining the shrine and caring for the god within is your duty! But you just don’t care about that, you just decide you don’t need any of that and you want to be a ronin maiden. Don’t you know how little visitors I’d had ever since you started that scheme of yours right here? Do you want me to starve? Is that it?” 

Her accusations frustrated that I sneered  the first thing to come to my mind “Well maybe if everyone didn’t know you abused us, then they’d want to visit you” Mother’s eyes widened as she heard that, but then her glare returned along with a frown and her hand reached back. I felt her fist impact my nose. For a woman that was so petite, she sure could hit hard. I dropped to the ground, crying out in pain.  “This again” she groaned “I’ve protected and cared for you and your father for years, but nobody gives a shit about that. They only care about the negatives. Always spreading rumors and talking bad about me.” I picked myself off the ground, trying to put some distance between me and her “Look, just come back. Together we can fix things. I’ve missed you two, don’t you know that?” she said. 

I thought about what she said. Maybe she was lonely without us, and maybe I didn’t really think things through when we picked up and left to he village. But I knew that for all the times she had been loving and caring to us, she would never change. She hadn’t  fixed herself in all the years she’d been married, so I was not buying it. If she really cared, she would have changed years ago. Going back to her would be giving up, to return to the life I wanted to run away from. I shook my head “Not now” I said. “Maybe when I can trust you, but not now” I wasn’t going to confront her with the truth at this point, so I opted for a half-lie. Sure, I would be willing to accept her if she changed, but we both knew that was unlikely. 

She grunted and turned to leave, willing to leave it at this “I’ll accept that for now. We’ll catch up again,I have a right to see how my husband is doing, after all” I turned away, not wanting to look at her.  If she got her hands on dad again, there’s no telling what might happen. I waited in that alley a bit, wanting mother to be as far away as possible before I went home. 

I walked back home as I nursed my nose. A broken nose was the last thing I needed, but my focus on the recent developments made  the pain less noticeable. If mother was going to make an effort to bring us back to her then things would be a lot more difficult. While even she would know better to beat us and drag us off to the shrine, her trying to force herself back into our lives would definitely  cause issues.  I was always worried about dad. He had made great process, but if she got her claws back into him it would all be for nothing. I resolved to think about all this difficult stuff later as I entered my home. First things first, patching myself up. I head over to the cabinet where we keep the medical supplies and brought them out. Dad spotted me. “Hana, are you alright? Your nose is bleeding” he said as he stepped towards me to get a better look.

I felt a twinge of guilt as I considered lying to him.  What if he still had a piece of himself that wanted to go back to her? Would he sneak off to see her? But I pushed those thoughts away. I saw how much he improved over all the time we spent here.  To think it all could be undone so easily would be an insult to him. He deserved the truth “I ran into mom. I might have mouthed off to her, so she hit me. She’ll be around more, you know” I pause a bit, here was the real test of what Dad was made of “She said she wanted to see you again” 

“That’s like her. I should have known. Come on, let me help you with that nose” Dad held up out hands and I handed him over the box. I sat down at the table and he took the seat next to be, setting  the box on the table. “It doesn’t seem broken, so that’s good. Let me just clean it up for you” He rummaged around for a rag and started to clean the blood off of me. Satisfied that there was no more bleeding, he cleaned the cut with a bit of alcohol. “Seems like she only broke the skin, so you should be good to go” 

“Thanks dad” I said, as I rubbed my nose. The silence that followed was almost suffocating. I knew I couldn’t just leave it at that. There was an obvious question to ask, even if it would come off insulting.  I breathed in “Are you going to see here? Even if it’s just to check in on her?” I turned away. I could only hope he wasn’t upset for me seeming to lack faith in him.

“No”  he said as he packed away the supplies and slid the box away. “I’ve had some time away from her to think about things, and I know things aren’t going to work out as they are” Even if this was the answer I hoped for, I’m still shocked by it. Just a few months ago he would never have said those words. It’s a good thing I was looking away as it gave me time to compose myself before I turned towards him. “I had just gotten used to everything over the years. It seemed like the only life I could have.  I guess it was when I realized I was coming home and finding that I could relax and not worry about every little thing that it just hit me, you know?” he tapped his fingers on the table. “Not having to make sure everything was done right, not worrying about suddenly angering someone. I just forgot how it felt.”

There are so many things I want to say. That he’s making the right choice. That I’ll help him in any way I can. How it was awful he felt like that for so long. That he deserved a much better life then the one he left. But only one word left  my lips. “Dad….”

A slight smile formed on his face as he continued. “It’s funny, I never realized  how isolated I was until now. Just you, me, Aunn, and Reimu. Everyone else just drifted away so long ago when her behavior started. They only came around for business and even then tried to keep things brief. I only left the shrine to pick up supplies, never to really enjoy myself. I could never imagine how much had changed. Do you know Kosuzu? She’s running the Suzunaan now and she got married a few years back. Two kids. Nobody even told me. I’ve been trying to catch up on what I missed, so I think I prefer leaving like this” 

He sat back, down with his explanation. He sighed contently. He must have been mulling this over for a while. So this was it. He had finally made up his mind to distance himself from her. I wouldn’t have to worry about mother browbeating him into returning and focus on other matters, like my training and finding a way to get mother to leave. But one thing at a time. Dad just said something interesting, the implication that she wasn’t always like this. I always wondered why they got together when I learned of her true nature, and this was my way of finding out. It was good as a time as any to figure things out. If it could happen to me....No. I push those thoughts out of my head and ask him.

“Dad, what was she like before I was born?”

“Hana, don’t say things like that. You’re making it sound like all of this is your fault. It’s not like that” he reassured me. He took some time to gather his thoughts. “She wasn’t always like this. I wish I knew what went wrong. She was so different when we first met. Sure she could be grumpy sometimes and she still liked to laze around, but she was capable  of being kind and she had all sorts of friends. It was great, we really did love each other. ” He closed his eyes for a second “Things changed sometime after we got married. Youkai started to run rampant, attacking people, causing chaos. She was running ragged trying to protect everyone and figure out what happened. She even accidentally bruised me while sobbing once after a really bad day.  It was eating away at her and she tried to become distant. I thought I would set something up with her and Marisa so she could relax for a night.”

“She came home drunk. She was angry that I told Marisa that she accidentally bruised me. It was the first time she beat me” He sighed as he dug up the painful memory. “I was so willing to forgive her. It was a mistake she made while drunk, she said she was sorry it would never happen again. But it’s like she stopped trying after that. She was cold to me and got angry more easily. She continued to beat me and no matter how many times she break down and apologized and promised to never do it again, she never did” I sat there in silence, not sure what to say to such a frank testimony of what he went through. 

“Then Aya published an issue about what was going on. No doubt she’d been spying on us.  It was a nightmare at first. There was so much controversy we couldn't even leave the shrine. People would stare and talk about us, some even tried to confront us directly. There were so many ridiculous rumors flying about. Her friends weren’t happy about it either, of course. Everyone’s disdain really shocked her out of it and she made an attempt to change”  He said.  “It seemed like she would leave it all behind her and that everyone would accept the new her. It worked for about a year, but then she slipped back to the way she was. The beatings, the drinking, the coldness and anger. She was even worse then before. But she found another chance when we found out we were having you” Despite the story he was telling, a smile formed on his face. 

“She stopped being hostile and a little more gentle. She had to take things easy, for your sake.  I think she secretly liked having an excuse to be doted on and take it easy and all the gifts she was getting” He said, looking a little embarrassed at bringing it up.  “Everyone seemed to be so willing to forgive her when they found out. I still remember when Marisa found out. I was chopping firewood at the back of the shrine grounds  and I heard her  yelling from all the way from the entrance. We all thought this would be the end of it, that she would change and become who she used to be” His smile fades. “For a while, it seemed that way. But as you got older and needed less attention, she slipped back. The friends that still stuck around just left her. Kasen gave up on her and stopped coming over to try to correct her. Sanae never appeared unless it was needed, she even once offered to take me in as a worker in her shrine to protect me but I rejected her.  Marisa used to come over all the time, but by then she only talked to Reimu when it was about an incident or event going on, and had to sneak around her back to talk to us. Everyone had stopped coming to her parties, even when it was for her victory in solving another incident.  When she met new faces they might stick around for a bit, but then they would leave like that when they found out what was going on” He snaps his fingers

I try to digest everything I heard. I learned so much about her but it seemed like I was no closer to understanding her. What drove her to be abusive, again and again​? Was it simply the stress of everything, or maybe her personalty had something to do with it? Maybe the way she was raised? I couldn’t recall her ever talking about her parents. I had to know. If it was in her blood then what would they mean for me? I felt my chest twist into a knot as I struggled to figure out my thoughts. It wouldn’t be right to dig up more, Dad had already admitted so much, it must have left him drained. Maybe I should do something to lighten the mood. I had an idea. “Dad” I said “I’ll be seeing Marisa again soon. Why don’t I invite her over for dinner? It would be great to have her around now that we’re away from her”
Dad’s smile returned “That sounds great, I’d really like to catch up with her. It’s been way too long since we’ve last met” He got up and rolled his neck. “Speaking of, we should really start to prepare it. It’s getting late” I followed him in the kitchen and helped him with the meal. It kept our minds off things. 

Dinner was done and cleaned away. I sat down on my futon and held the book I got from Marisa in my hands. She had given it to me to study, and I could use that but something she told me stuck in my mind. That someone’s personality and traits would be reflected in the spellcards they used. It must be the same for my mother. I opened up the book, so but I couldn’t bring myself to jump right to her chapter. I convinced myself to just wet my toes first by reading up on the other entries. I soon found myself invested way more then I thought I would be. It was like reading snippets of a greater history, fleeting glimpses of the battles that went on before. Notes on everyone from minor youkai and fairies  to gods. Would I be able to fill out a book with all my experiences one day? No, I mustn’t get dreamy now. Focus. Remember what I started reading for. I flipped to the chapter on my mother and started to read. I reread it. I closely exampled the pictures. I couldn’t get it at all. 

Fantasy Nature? Some sort of innate  ability she had to drift away from reality? I just couldn’t understand it, and from what was written here it seemed neither could she. Was it someone she was born with? Did that had anything to do with why she became the shrine maiden?  I closed the book and set it to the side. I didn’t feel like doing any more studying. Was my mother always going to be some stranger to me? I had known her for all of my life and I just didn’t know anything about her. She never did like to talk about herself, but this went beyond that. She never told us how she became the shrine maiden, or who her parents were. I got the impression that they died years ago.  It would explain her unwillingness to being them up and why they’ve never even see their granddaughter even once. Her past up to a point was a complete mystery, like she was drawn into this world one day by the hand of a god to fulfill some role. 

Even what I did know about her past seemed contradictory. She had been involved in solving so  many incidents big and small, but people couldn’t decide if they liked her or not.There were plenty of records  about how she had saved the day from some disaster or dealt with a troublesome youkai, but there had been just as many rumors about how she was working too closely  with the youkai to be trusted. She could command amazing power to overcome almost any obstacle her came across, but she couldn’t even say where it came from or what kind of god was enshrined in her very own shrine.  

What I had learned about her only confused things. She wasn’t always like this. She was capable of being a normal lover once. Enough to honestly make someone fall in lover with her. But then things changed. Was it really just the stress of the job, or had it more to do with her inability to control herself? Why did she ping-pong between making an effort to stop being a abuser before giving up all effort? I wondered if she even cared to get better or if it was just her putting on appearances and then going back to abuse when she got bored of it.  What did this mean for me? I had to take up the role after someone had so thoroughly worked to sabotage her own image. I guess I had to do all the work of cleaning the reputation of the role. 

But the biggest question of all was if my mother turned out to be like this? Would I turn out like her once I became the Hakurei shrine maiden? Visions  flashed though my mind.  My mother’s face contorted  in anger. Dad’s chest and back covered in bruises. The sounds of bedsheets rustling and a moan. No I couldn’t end up like her. Even if I had to fight against my very own nature, I wouldn’t go down her path. I felt exhausted.  I climbed into bed and closed my eyes, hoping I wouldn’t have to worry about this for a long time.

My eyes opened. The darkness around me was as thick as dark bedsheets. No matter how long I sat down, sleep would not take me again. Guess I was waking up early this day. As I sat up, I heard something faint from outside. My ears perked, I waited to hear it again. It sounded off again, the voice of a young girl, too indistinct to understand. My gut told me to investigate, a young girl shouldn’t be wondering the streets at night. Quietly, I slipped on my shoes and tiptoed out the door and onto the street. I knew that youkai got active at night, so it could be any number of things. Could be some of the youkai hiding here were meeting up. Maybe  one from outside the village had managed to break in and was wandering the streets.  Or it could be that a human was convinced by a new friend she made to sneak out at night at see them. I had to investigate. I patted myself down for my ofuda  then remembered  that I had just gotten out of bed. I could go back and gather up some gear, but then my lead would be long gone. I was going into this with just the clothes on my back. As my eyes adjusted to the dark, I saw a bit of movement on the other end of the street. 

I set aloft, floating just off the ground as I sped  down the street and turned a corner. I could just see the silhouette of a girl running away. “Hey!” I said as I tried to keep my voice down. Possible danger or not, it still wasn’t very neighborly to start yelling at this time of night. The girl spun around and waved to me before speeding off again. Oh she was up to no good, I could tell. But no matter how much I chased her, I could never seem to catch up. She always seem to keep the same distance between us even on straightaways, and ducked around corners or used side streets to turn to shake me off. The chase ended at one of the streets. She was nowhere to be seen. As I started to consider just heading back home, I saw the curtains to a sake shop waving heavily. There she saw. I ducked inside the sake shop, looking around.  I wanted to end this as quickly as I could, I didn’t want to caught breaking into places at night. “Come on out and tell me what you’re doing” I said with an annoyed whisper. I glanced around the shop, ready for anything. If this was a setup for an attack, the enemy could be hiding anywhere. The darkness and all the blind spots created by the shelves could easily conceal someone. I didn’t have to worry about that, as I tripped around something. 

Grumbling to myself, I soon relized to myself what I tripped over was large and fleshy. My blood froze and I spun around, the stench of blood hitting my nose. Here was the girl I was chasing, dead on the floor, her chest torn open, matted with blood. She was definitely a human, not that it mattered in this state. The stench of it all, her eyes frozen up, she was in pieces-who could have done this? She was alive just a few seconds ago, why? I struggled to keep it together then a chorus of cheers broke out.  A stool  was hollering. A gaggle of sake cups were giggling. A broom in the corner was repeating “Yeah!” A mountain of voices crashed down on me.  This many tsukumogami shouldn’t be possible. What was going on here? I didn’t have much time to think as new voices joined in, this time from outside.  People calling out, talking among themselves. Though the curtains at the entrance I saw the glow of the lantern. All this comutution   woke people up. If I were found here then It would be bad. “Help! Murder!” screamed a moneybox. The first thing I tried to do was shush it, but the voices and glow of the lantern grew closer. I ran out to the back. 

   I heard the back door fly open. The murderer was escaping! I saw a cloaked figure stumble across the ground. I flew after them and slammed them into the ground. It was the best I could do in my state. Their head slammed into the ground with a wet crack. I started to kick them in the ribs, wanting them to stay them, my mind only finished with thoughts of punishing them. Their cries grew weaker and weaker until they were just soft moans. I felt relief wash over me. I had stopped them with my bare hands. It felt almost good. But I had to see who they were. With some effort, I put my hands under them and rolled them over so I could see the face of 

“Dad!?”

My eyes bolted open. Sunlight was streaming through the window. My legs were all tangled up  in my sheets. My brain took a while to adjust and figure out the truth. A nightmare, one that I couldn’t get any meaning out of at that. I sleepily wondered if I could complain about the state of my dreams to someone, but I shook it off. It was the start of another day, after all.   

I got ready for the day and muttered a goodbye to dad as I headed out. That nightmare still hung heavy in my mind. Even if I couldn’t tell the meaning of it, It still shook me. I mused over it for a bit before I started my day. A sake shop owner wanted some ofuda to protect what he thought were night thieves of the supernaturl kind from breaking into his shop and drinking up his stock. I hesitantly stepped in, half expecting to trip over a body. But as I checked around, the most horrifying thing I could find was that he hadn’t swept for a while. I just covered the doors in ofuda and told the owner I’d be back to check on things. Next was a couple that wanted me to give a blessing to their newborn. Easy enough. I had a few other jobs like that to fill my day. As I headed back home to get some lunch, I saw a familiar crop of hair. Kasen was at a dango stall, holding enough dango for three people. She turned around to see me and the smile on her face turned to one of surprise. It didn’t stop her from taking a bite. She trotted over to me, trying to get my attention with both her hands and mouth occupied. She swallowed her dango. “Ah Hana, I’ve wanted to talk to you. Let’s sit.” Kasen said, as she made her way over to a bench under a tree. I sat down next to her. “How have you been adjusting? I’ve heard you’ve been keeping busy. That’s good, very good.” 

“Dad and I are doing well, I just wanted to thank you for the house and everything” I replied  “We’ve been able to find enough work, and I think dad is really benefiting from being away from her” I looked around to see if there’s any eavesdroppers. Nobody was in range. “He’s been considering making this separation permanent” I looked over to Kasen. Evidently  she thought she could sneak in a bite of dango while talking me me. She hastened her chewing.

“No need to thank me” she managed to get out once done “I’m just glad you two are doing well and that you’re taking your work seriously. If you keep this up then you’ll make an excellent    shrine maiden one day. You won’t be much of one by lazing around and taking short paths to success, you know” I couldn’t help but smile, a compliment can go a long way on easing your fears of the future. She leaned in to whisper to me. “It’s great to hear that he’s finally  considering getting away. I guess it was something he had to decide on his own. I’m sure he’ll keep at it, he could always be stubborn about these sorts of things” Her expression got a bit more serious, it would have made her look stern if she wasn’t dual wielding sweets. “Are you still worried about what we talked about last time? Do you still have doubts?”
I felt uneasy about the sudden question but she was right. I had been thinking about it.  Ever since I found out the true extent of what my mother could do, I always had a pit in my stomach wondering if it was the case. As much as I hated to think about it, she must have forced herself upon him multiple times in their marriage. If that was the case, there was the possibility that one of those times was responsible for me. It made me feel ill. I took an inhale to calm myself. Kasen had no idea that it was going on, and by both her and my father’s account the pregnancy was a happy one. But it didn’t do much to alleviate  my fear. Rather, it felt like I was on a rickety old bridge over a deep dark pit. Any misstep would send me plunging into the pit to my doom. After all, Dad always tried to cover things up, and Kasen might have already been distancing herself at this time. There was always the possibility of her being wrong. The possibility of taking a misstep and falling into the pit. The possibility of me being a - “Yes” I whisper. 

Kasen looks at me sympathetically and with a degree of awkwardness, shifts all of her dango to one hand so she can pat me on the back.   “Hana, please. Don’t let this eat you up” she says in a hushed tone. “You can spend the rest of your life having doubts, but that’s not the life you deserve. Letting fear of something that might have happened in the past will make you miserable, trust me. You have my word that I have no knowledge it ever happened” She pats me on the back again. It helped. A little. “You’re already making the right choice by taking your own path away from your mother. I owe a lot to her, and I used to see  the good in her, but I know this is for the best” With her reassurance done, Kasen went back to redistributing her dango to both hands. She started eating again. It was hard to take her seriously like this. But I put on my best smile. 

“Thanks Kasen” I said as I got up “But I’ve got some work to do today, and I know you’re busy. So I’ll be off” Kasen tried to pout at my joke, but found it too difficult with a mouth filled with sweets. She simply muttered out a goodbye instead. I walked down the street, the haze in my heart had lifted, even if by just a little.

“I found someone for you to spar with, it’ll be great training for you” Marisa had a surprise for me when I went to see her later that day for training. “No offense, but I’m a little too good for you. Even when I hold back then you can’t make any process, yeah?” I couldn’t help but agree.   I no longer floundered immediately, but I never scored a single victory against her. She was certainly tough. “So I found someone that you can beat. Trust me, you’ve gotten good enough that you shouldn’t have any trouble with her. You’ve gotten the fundamentals done pretty well, but you need to whet your teeth and get some experience by pummeling someone for real. She’s just in the clearing over here”  I followed her, not sure what to expect, feeling a bit nervous at being thrust into the deep end. Walking through the trees to the clearing, I heard someone singing. 

“Humans, Humans your end is near! For the time for the bird is here! Cower in your fields and cry, ‘cuz we’re coming at you from on high! Humans, who I detest, I’m gonna use your bones to build my nest! Say it with me!” We step into the clearing to met whoever is making such an awful racket. There was a girl dancing to herself. She had short pink hair and a brown cap in her head. Her odd ears and scraggly wings made me assume she was some sort of bird.
The bird was too busy shaking her head up and down to notice us. What was she doing? Marisa turned to me looking a bit apologetic “She’s Mystia. She likes to sing about stuff like this. Had a band, not sure if she still plays. It’s all just a bluff. She’s weak, never been much  trouble at all” Marisa moved further into the clearing in front of Mystia and waited for her to stop. “I got the human who wanted to fight you. I’ll be right here so no tricks, got it?” 

Mystia walked up to me. “It’s been too long since I’ve been able to attack a human, I’m gonna enjoy this” She said as she smiled. I couldn’t help but notice her teeth were sharper then a human’s “You’re going to regret facing a monster of the dark!” she said with upmost confidence. Her threat would have worked better if the sun wasn’t shining over head. She giggled to herself and swooped into the sky. Marisa motioned for me to follow her. I set off in the sky. Mystia seemed no different from the many common youkai that ran around causing trouble, but I still felt nervous to be thrust into a fight like this. I waited for the action to start. Did I need to give a signal or something? Without much warning, Mystia set out a cry and launched her first volley.

It was like the heavens parted at the moment. After the bullet hell Marisa put me through, this was nothing. Her attacks were full of holes, poorly thought out. I was able  to dodge it no problem. I went on the offensive and fired as many ofuda as I could. She staggered in the air a bit then she fired off another attack. Rings of magic appeared and swarmed towards me, crisscrossing over each other. A spell card, but I could easily see through it. If I waited here for an opening then moved in this way she couldn’t hit me at all. But my shots were landing on her.  She soon fired off another spell card, and another one. They were only a bit more difficult then the first.  It seemed she could take no more. She stopped firing and help up her hands “Ugh, fuck. I give! The witch said you’d be easy prey, I never thought I’d be defeated for the first time in my life. Ahhhh! I’m too sore to run my stall tonight, I hope you’re happy” She unsteadily flew off into the distance,  leaving me to process things. I won. She was weak and seemed like an idiot, but I won. 

_____________________

I dropped down to the ground. Marisa made sure to greet me with a clap “Congrats! How’s it feel to get your first win? You’re going to be a natural at this, I can tell. Sorry for lying about you, but I had to convince her to fight you somehow.”

“Wow, that  was easier then I thought” I said, more to myself then Marisa. Now it seemed like honing my skills wasn’t an impossible feat. I just needed the right practice and I could get stronger. 

“Just keep at it and put in plenty of practice” Marisa advised me. “There’s going to be no shortage of people looking to pick fights for one reason or another so you’re not gonna run short. Just don’t try to beat up anyone too scary, okay?” I nodded in agreement. “That’s enough for now. Let’s head back” Marisa said as she  started to head back to her place. 

I remembered that I was going to ask her someone. ‘Ah Marisa, do you have plans this evening? You haven’t seen dad for a long time so maybe you’d like to have dinner at our place? I asked. 

Marisa spun to meet me, a grin on her face “Sounds good to me! I was trying to find a good opportunity to meet him again, but dinner would be the best. His cooking would be a lot better then what I had planned for tonight, it’s been so too long since I’ve had one of his meals!” I had seen the meals Marisa prepared while I was training with her, it was a wonder the girl was even alive at this point. 

“But there’s something else” I said as I put on a serious tone. “I met my mother again. I think she’s going to be poking around. Dad said he wants to stay separated from her, but who knows what she’ll do. Could I ask you to help you to keep an eye out for him? He still has his pride, so please don’t overdo it or let him know I told you this” I felt bad going behind dad’s back like this but I needed help. Having someone like Marisa to keep her at bay if she made any moves would help us so much.

Marisa stared back at me, her smile pulling into a tight frown. It almost seemed out of place on someone usually so freeflowing and upbeat.  “I thought that might happen sooner or later. She just can’t accept things are over.” she sighed “I can’t look over him all the time, but I’ll see what I can do. Just come to me if you need help, got it? I’m not going to screw it up this time. Trust me”

“Thanks Marisa” I responded. I gave her directions to our place and a time to be there. She waved me off as I flew off to help dad make dinner. 

It took hours, but everything was cooked and ready and the table was set. It would have been enough for five people, yet alone three. Dad had even done though the trouble of cooking dessert. Quality ingredients too, dad really took the effort out to impress her. Although seeing how Marisa usually lived a clean table with fish and rice would be impressive for her. It was a wonder she was able to survive by herself, the habits I’ve seen from her. I was doing some tidying up when I heard a knock on the door. I took a moment to finish sweeping up and set down the brown before I went to the door. I opened it to see the expected. 

“Hey!” Marisa said. I noticed she was holding a bottle of sake and a small bag on a string in one of her hands. “I’m here. Hope you don’t mind me bringing over some things. I had this  this bottle of sake I found and thought this would be the occasion to use and since I didn’t know what we were eating I brought over some herbs you could use in your cooking later” I thanked her and took the bottle out of her hands.  Out of passing curiosity I checked the date it was made on, which left me to wonder how long and well this bottle was hidden. Marisa entered and tried show off and toss the bag of herbs on the kitchen counter. It bounced off and landed on the floor, leaving dad to pick it up. “Whoops, sorry” she apologized.  She paced around our home and looked around. “Pretty nice place you got here. You guys are doing good. Glad to see it” She spun around to look at dad. She ruffled her hair a bit before she spook up “Good to see you Anon. So it’s been a while, what has it been, years since we last met like this?” She said a bit awkwardly. I guess she still felt bad for being absent for so long. 

“Oh, don’t worry about it” Dad reassured her.  “It’s just great to see you again. I always wondered how you were doing, but with moving things have been so busy, you know. Dinner just got done so why don’t we eat?” I followed dad and Marisa at sitting down at a table. With eyes like a hungry dog, Marisa eyed the spread before her. With a muttered thanks, she piled the food high onto her plate. For someone so small, so was sure had an appetite. “So” Dad said “How have things been going on for you? Last I heard you were going to look into getting into treasure hunting and what was it, romantic fulfillment?” 

Marisa swallowed the food she had. “Eh. Treasure hunting was a bust. There’s just enough treasure here to go around and the ones I could find were owned by people unwilling to give it to people who deserved it more, like me. It was too much trouble” Marisa casually said “As for romantic fulfillment, that was a disaster. It would have been fine it it were just a lot of bad dates, but it went really bad. I had to give up on it. Good thing youkai extermination is still profitable. Hana’s gonna be good at it one day. She just won a Danmaku match against one”

Dad turned to me to a smile. “Woah, that’s great to hear. Who was it?”

“Someone named Mystia. I never heard of her before. She was easy compared to what Marisa threw at me.” I said with a shrug, wanting to be a little humble.

Marisa jumped in to clarify “She’s the bird that runs the grilled lamprey stand. Had a band with that dog from the temple? Remember her, Anon?” 

Dad’s face lit up when it clicked for him. “Oh! Them! ‘Rites for the Yamabiko’, ‘We don’t need no Shrine Maiden’, and ‘Death from the skies!’ They used to be pretty popular back then. Reimu had to interrupt  one of their concerts because they made too much noise, and the very next week that had written a song about how much they disliked her. She sulked for a whole day over it”     

Marisa’s grin widened.  “Ah, it was so funny back then. Wow”  We continued to eat dinner, sharing stories about this and that, catching up on things until it was all packed away and desert had been finished. Marisa slumped back into the floor “I’m stuffed. Thanks guys, I haven't eaten that good in a while. I’m going to come over here more often” she said contently “But we haven’t broken open that bottle of sake yet. Anon, you want some?” Dad nodded and Marisa poured them both some sake. Of course, the two started to drink. 

The cups were brought out and Marisa poured out a drink for her and dad. She took a sip. “Ah, it’s good! Really glad I remembered I had this. You want some Hana?” I shake my head. “No thanks. I’ll just make some tea” I say. I wasn’t really in the mood to find out what sake did to me at this moment. “Maybe some other time then” Marisa said as she knocked back her first sip. As I rummaged around for the tea leaves and pot, I heard Marisa start to tell a story. By the time I had brought everything to a boil she was already a good ways in “So when I get there, Kanako throws an entire pillar at me” “No!” Dad interjects  “Yes, an entire pillar. It would have killed me if I didn’t block it with my magic. If I were a normal human, it would have been messy. I don’t care how scared you are, you’re not going to explain that away easily.  So anyway, despite putting up my best fight, I got captured by them….” I poured myself a cup of tea and sat down.

When Marisa finished, they were on another round and dad had a story of his own.  “So they hired me as part as a crew to help do some  renovation on the one of the Hieda farms.  Nothing too major, but it would still take some time. So we had to take over a horse cart full of supplies to do our work. When the time comes to leave,  it starts to rain. You remember the big washout they had a few weeks ago, don’t you? That was it. So the road is too flooded to cross and everyone is annoyed  because they want to go home. So one of the workers on the farm comes up to me and says ‘There’s a road just a bit that ways. It’s a little bumpy, but you could avoid the washout that ways I think’” Dad suddenly decided to put on some accent I couldn’t place for the farmworker, but it sounded dumb.   “So me and another guy get in the cart and start to drive it over the road he pointed out. It wasn’t even a road.  We were rattling and bouncing around each time the wheels go over a bump, we were so sore. Then we see there’s a huge ditch in front of us. Without a word, the other guy gets the horse to turn around and head back to the farm. We had to wait another hour for it to die down, but it was better then crossing that road” Marisa snickered at the story and another round was poured. Then another. The bottle was a good deal lighter  when the topic of romance came up.

“So you’re not going back to her, have you thought about getting someone else? You totally should, you know” Marisa slurred. “I’ve heard you might be Gensokyo’s most eligible   bachelor”  My ears perk up a bit, where could this be going? I found myself very  interested in what his answer would be. I could use this information. 

It took a while for dad to answer “I’ve thought about it, and I’ve had some, uhhh, women talk to me about it but it never went anywhere” he managed to say “It is nice to get attention but I'm still trying to figure it out. I got so used to being married that I kinda get lonely not having a wife around. It would be nice to find one, expect she doesn’t beat me or anything. Is that weird, it seems weird” Dad finishes up his cup. 

“Noooo, not at all!” Marisa responds. “You should just try it out, you still have a chance! You found someone once, now do it again! You can even tell the bad ones from the good! That’s called experience! She poured herself yet another drink.  This girl could drink the strongest men under the table. I wasn’t sure if that was admirable or not. 

“Thanks, I’ll do it” dad says with the confidence that only a drunken man can achieve. If he would actually remember it in the morning is another thing. “So what about you? Did you ever find someone?”

Marisa groans “Nah. I never did. I put that off as I always  felt like I had more important things to do. Magic ‘an shit. I just assumed I had all the time in the world to try it out, but I got older, and older and now I’m here” she confesses. “It would be too hard to start now. Nobody wants a forest hag that is more into mushroom collecting then love” Marisa mopes.

“But you’re still pretty!” Dad comes to the resucse “Ah thanks, I guess I am”  “And you got a great personality!” Dad keeps pushing further  “Huh, I might” “And you’re smart enough to work things out!” Dad say as he reaches the end goal.  “Yeah!” Marisa says. “I’ll do it!”

I guess things were heated enough for me to leave. “I’m going for a walk, be back soon” Both of them muttered out for me to stay safe as I went outside. It was late enough that the moon was out, but there were a few places still open. I had one place in mind to kill an hour or two.   

There wasn’t much to do at this point in the night, but I had to kill some time. Just enough to avoid listening in on drunken personal secrets being shared. With just enough moonlight to see, I strolled over to one place I knew might  be open. The doors to Geidontei slide open. Quite a few heads inside turned to look at me. I wasn’t the part of intended clientele at this hour, but I suppose my station afforded me some benefits. Without a word, I took a seat at the bar, and everything resumed. I wasn’t there for any of them. “Ah! Wasn’t expecting you to come in so late,  what’s going on?” Quick as grease, Miyoi slid  over to greet me.

Quite a few patrons seemed to lean in closer. A certain crow laid out a notebook on her table. Sukia paused mid chug to listen.  A table of tanuki all turned theirs eyes towards me. Why couldn’t anyone in Gensokyo just mind their own business? “Ah, my dad just had an old friend over and they’re drinking together. I didn’t want to be the third wheel so I’ll just wait here to finish” I hoped I was smooth enough. 

“I see” Miyoi responded. There was no betrayal of doubt in  her voice. “There’s some leftovers I could serve up if you want something. On the house of course” Sorry Miyoi, I’ll try out your sake another time. As she busied herself to turn the scraps into something palpable, the other customers went back to their drinking. 

After an hour or so or poking at food and sipping water, I thought I had given them enough time for things to die down. I gave my thanks to Miyoi and slipped out the door. At the rate of their drinking, they should be done by now. But a possibility floated in my mind. Could they have? I thought being too  inebriated would make that difficult, but what did I know? I had heard some stories to the contrary. I didn’t dwell on it, he was my dad after all. As I approached the door my my home, I thought about it. Better to just put in some effort to avoid any possible embarrassment of just walking in after all. I knocked on the door. No sounds of movement or any acknowledgment.  I waited for a few moments, and knocked again.  Again nothing but silence.  I decided it was safe enough, they had to have heard me if awake. I opened the door a crack and carefully peeked in. 

The table hadn’t been cleaned since I left. I pushed up the door and there they were. Dad had fallen on top of his  futon and was out cold. Thankfully, even at a glance I could tell he was still dressed. One down. Marisa wasn’t too hard to find. She had taken over my futon and was sprawled out like some dog, mouth wide open. At least they were getting some good sleep.  Being careful to not wake the two of them, I crept over to the closet and pulled out the extra futon we had for an occasion like this. I folded  it out and crawled inside, waiting for morning. 

“Ah hell, I wish I were an oni right now, or dead”  Marisa had woken up sometime before noon, and had beaten dad to the punch while doing so. She was more capable at holding her booze then she looked. No doubt she had a lot of practice. “I knew I should’va picked up something from the village instead.  Damn oni sake” She had finally remembered how to  speak up after   stumbling around and getting her bearings.  Dad wasn’t too much better either, wordlessly gulping down another cup of water with a glum look on his face. “When you’re ready to drink, don’t bother with the oni stuff, it really is like going to hell, ugh” I suppose there were consequences living in a world where most of the social functions include drinking. You either had to get used to it and apologize to your liver or stay out. But if my hangovers were going to be as bad as this, maybe I should ease myself into it. 
“Ah, consider your training off for the day Hana, we can make up for it later. I’m good enough to head home. See you two later” With that she made her exit and picked  up her broom and wobbled out into the streets.  I made sure she at least turned the corner safely without face-faulting, anything after that was out of my hands. Now I only had one sloshed victim to look after. Dad rubbed his forehead. “At least it’s morning. Just give me a couple more minutes and I’ll be ready to go”  he said as he waved me off. I saw no reason to stay around and nurse him. After I scarfed down breakfast and made sure dad was awake, I made my rounds. 

It might because we were heading into fall and the world was slowing down with us, or I dad somehow almost single-handily solved every youkai related issue in the village, but the jobs were slowing down.  I had performed a single exorcism and peddled some charms today, not nearly enough to earn our keep.  Maybe I would have to get a side job after all. Serving up drinks or sweeping up floors would be much preferable to living like a pauper. As I moped about the future, I noticed a crowd gathered on the streets. I stopped by to see what it was. A green haired woman in a white outfit and blue skirt was addressing the crowd. “Even as the weather cools and you have to spend your days inside, the gods will still look after you. I hope you will all enjoy yourselves” Green hair, shrine maiden, odd choice  in hair accessories. So this must be Sane. Shrine Maiden of the Moriya shrine. Direct competitor to the Hakurei shrine. Living god. I hardly  knew anything about her, I guess I really was sheltered. Well, there was always later. As the crowd left, I heard her say “Excuse me! Wait”  I saw the woman I assumed was Sanae squeeze through the crowd towards me. “You’re Hana Hakurei, aren’t you?” “I am” I told her. “Ah good! I’m Sane Kochiya. I’m part of the Moriya Shrine. I haven’t seen you since you were a little kid. I heard you moved away from the shrine, how old are you now?”  “I’m sixteen” I said, getting a little tired of all the answers I had to give.

“Sixteen, oh wow. Where did the years go?” she said as she shook her head, slight disbelief on her face. “It only seems like a few years you were a little girl playing around on the shrine grounds. I know this is sudden, but do you want to get something and we can catch up? My treat” If my mother was right about one thing, it was to never turn down a free meal. “Sure” I said. 

Sanae had me follow her through the streets until we arrived at a soba shop. I gave it a once-over. The shop was tucked away and almost unnoticeable, as if the shop itself was wanted to hide. The banner was faded and frayed. The furniture  was older then me, possibly by several times and chipped.  A few customers were already tucking away at their meal. The scent of all the spices and ingredients used were almost overpowering.   The owner looked tough and old enough that he had a second job that involved throwing bodies into the river. In other words, this place must have been great.  The two of us took our seats and looked over the menus. After a while, the owner turned his attention to us “What are’ya having today?” We placed our orders. I had the basic dish while Sanae got something ridiculous, If I remember. The owner crept into the kitchen to deliver the order. “Since I heard you left the shrine I wanted to see how you were doing, but I never got the chance. I had no idea where you lived and we just got so busy. There’s been a lot more business to our shrine” Sanae explained.  I could make a guess why. “So how have things been going? Are you doing okay?”

I gave a bit of a shrug “Work’s been slow for me lately, but we’ve doing good. Dad and I are happy” Sanae gave me a bit of a smile “I see, but that brings up something I wanted to asked you. I have a business proposition  for you”  

“A proposition?” I said. Damn, here it comes. There really was no such thing as a free lunch. She’d try to rope me into some sort of scam. I tried to figure out the best way to turn her down. Maybe if I held out until I had my meal I could leave and make it up to her later. 

“Are you willing to help us with the upcoming festival? We could really use the help” Sanae pleaded as she clasped  her hands in front of her. “You see, we’re been getting more and more worshipers but it means festivals are so much to handle. This upcoming one in the next few days might be a big one, and I could really use an extra pair of hands to help me out. We’ll give you some of the profit” That wasn’t nearly as bad as I was expecting. It sounded like a normal job, almost. Maybe the gods were looking down on me. Whichever one helped me out had my thanks.

“But is that allowed, for me to do work for another shrine?” I asked as I wondered if this would break some sort of law, divine or other. “Oh no no no” Sanae clarified “I’m not asking you to join us or anything. We just need some extra help. You’d just direct worshipers, hand out charms, that sort of thing. Please?” It didn’t seem all that bad, I could use the money.  “Sure, I’ll do it”

“Thanks so much!” Sanae said. Like a shadow, the owner came back and placed our orders in front of us. Sanae blew on her soba to cool it off. “I think you could learn a lot from this.  Even way back then, your mom never could handle something like this. If she succeeded at something, it would go to her head and she’d find some way to ruin it. Oh, excuse me” she suddenly found herself much more interested in eating then talking. I tried out my own soba. It was delicious! This hole in the wall places really did know how to cook. I thought about my decision as I ate. I might as well just learn how the financial side of things work. Spirituality and Danmaku are all good, but it could be hard to fill your stomach with them alone.   

“It’ll be great” Sanae said as she gulped down some noodles.  “Maybe we’ll have some proper competition in the future  if you want to do so”  She chuckled at her own joke. “We could start tomorrow. There’s a lot of preparations to go through. Checking to make sure all the stalls will be there, hauling out the supplies, cooking, but it’s worth it when you see so many people enjoying themselves. You’ll get it” I nod, my mouth too busy with slurping to respond. We continued  to eat for a while until she dropped another question. “So, you’re doing alright here? The separation and all” 

I guess it was impossible details of your life hidden once they’re been printed in bold print all over the newspapers “We’re fine. Dad’s been taking it well, I think. He’s a lot happier now, I noticed” Sanae smiled at this “Good” she said “I’m glad to hear it. It’s a shame it all went wrong. The wedding was so nice. I really did try my best” she sighed. I had to take her word for it. It was before my time. 

“How about you?” I offered up to be considerate , as I took the time to eat more. “Can’t complain” Sanae said “We’ve been getting enough worshipers and money to get by. It’s been increasing recently, but all that means is more work” Well, I guess Moriya shrine was safer then the alternative, all things considered. “So tomorrow then? Probably  before noon. I’ll meet you at the shrine” she said. “Sounds good to me” was my response.  We finished up eating as we talked a bit, catching up on things that happened. When the last of the broth was gone, Sanae put down the money on the counter. “Nice seeing you Hana, See you tomorrow” she left me.  The owner grunted and grabbed up the money. Time to wrap things up I suppose. I went home to check on things. Dad was gone, that was a good sign. He must haven recovered enough to work. With some time to kill, I swung around my gohei. All these rituals during festivals are meant to be flashy, right? Maybe If I moved a little more gracefully it would look more dignified. I kept up my practice until I heard the door unlock. Dad was back, looking much better then before. I felt too awkward to practice the right way to swish my gohei around with company, so I packed it away and helped with dinner. 

I was at my limit. But I was so close. Mu muscles are screaming, my legs shaking. My breath came short and fast. With my last vestiges  of my strength I forced myself to  stumble forward. Almost there. I dropped the heavy bin on the ground next to the other stuff they had me clear out of the storehouse. If setting up for festivals took this much heavy lifting, then it was no wonder my mother seemed to have one hell of a swing. If I kept this up I’d wouldn’t have to worry much about exercise. I sat down on the bin to take a breather. The hard part was out of the way, I went  inside to see what else there was to do. Sanae was in the middle of dusting down every surface in the shrine, so at least I wasn’t alone in working hard. She took a break after getting a difficult spot out of a corner “So is that everything out of storage? Thanks Hana. So after this we finish cleaning up, then we check the records to make sure the merchants are still coming, then we unpack the stuff from storage...” Sanae got up, getting a crink out of her back as she stretched. “It’s a ton of work but it’s worth it in the end. Not just all the visitors and money, but knowing that a lot of people enjoyed themselves. Let’s take a break”

As we were lounging around and drinking tea, A tall pur[ple haired woman appearied with a stack of papers in hand. I assumed this must be Kanako, the god of the shrine.  She set down some in front of me. “Do you know what this is?” she asked. I stared at it. Numbers and some names. “This is the most important part of running a shrine, paperwork. In particular this is a record of everyone that is setting up a stall at the festival. It’s important to keep tracks of these, as they’re paying us for giving them a good business opportunity.   While just getting a verbal agreement and holding it in memory might be acceptable for some people,  here we can track of who’s coming, what they’re doing, and their names in case they have trouble paying their fees” “Oh, so we can remind them to pay up?” I said innocently. “Remind?” She said, blinking in surprise “Huh? Oh yeah. You just remind them to pay up. That’s it. You’ll be checking in on the stalls top make sure they can pay so it shouldn’t be an issue, now onto other paperwork...”

The rest of the work was almost as difficult as being lectured on paperwork. More cleaning. Unpacking everything from storage and moving it around. Planting down signs. Making charms. Hanging up lamps. Getting the kappas running the stalls to part with their money. More bookkeeping. But it was over. The shrine looked great and just looking at it all dolled up and filled with stalls seemed to give it a busy energy, ready to be released. “Looks great doesn’t it, thanks so much Hana. It’s all set up for tomorrow. See you then”  Despite all the work I had done, and technically doing it for a supposed rival, I felt good. Maybe this is why they said hard work was its own reward. Or I could have just been looking forward to a payday.

Moriya Shrine was busy.  The air was full the sounds of people talking,stall owners barking out for passerbys to stop on by, and the general sounds of movement.. The scents drifting from  the different food stalls competed for dominance. Children ran through the crowd with ease, looking for the next thing to do. Kappas showed off their wares and told potential  customers they just had to buy it. I had been bouncing between duties all day. Selling charms, then I was running messages, after that I assisted some worshipers in their prayers.  I was on my break now, so I looked around for dad. He said we would be coming. I spotted him in the crowd, he’d brought a friend with him. “Hey Hana!” Marisa waved to me “Great festival, good job!” I wanted to say that I only did some of the work, but I was going to take the compliment anyway. “Hey” I said back.

“Yeah, they’re done a great job this time” Dad said, moving a bit to the side so a couple could get by. “It’s really packed although” The shrine grounds certainly were lively. It took some Danmaku practice to get from one end to the other, and you might starve to death while making for the line for some of the food stalls to move, but I didn’t find it too bad. It really made the place feel alive. Maybe this is what Sanae meant that seeing people enjoy themselves were worth it. “You eat yet Hana?” Dad interjected as I thought “Marisa and I were looking for a place to stop by” 

“Nah, I ate. Sanae made me something” I told them. “I think she’s going to be up on stage for some ritual soon enough” Sanae keep the whole thing secret for me and had some fun doing so. She must have thought it was funny to imply she had some grand plan and keep it under wraps. I was going to learn it soon anyway. Dad and Marisa went off to find somewhere to eat. I waited around for the, waiting  some people trying to win  prizes at a game stall. None of them managed to win anything. I didn’t want to assume anything, but it was run by kappa. I made a mental note to look into this thing for the future. I was so invested of the drama of the near misses and complete defeats that I was startled when Marisa and dad came back. 

They dug into their food but were soon interrupted by the crowd going hush. Sanae was up on the stage. She started with the usual pleasantries. Oh thank you all for coming here and your support and worship, she said. Thank you as well ot everyone that made this festival possible and thank you to all the people that worked hard these previous months when the weather was warm.  After she was done thanking everyone, she reminded everyone that the gods of the Moirya shrine would be there to look after them, and to keep that in mind even as the winter approached. Then came the grand finale. With a wave of her arms, the leaves I had spent hours raking up rose up in the sky and formed into a ball. Lights danced around the ball to give everyone a good view of it. After enough time to give everyone ohh and ahh, she swished  her arms “And so, the seasons pass!” she cried out. The ball flew far away into the distance where it would be someone else’s problem.  without letting a single leaf drop into the shrine grounds. The crowd gave their approval of this. It was certainly impressive. No doubt she’d worked hard on it and had some help from Kanako. The crowd started to spread out again as dad and Marisa resumed eating. Sanae eventually found her way towards us. “Oh, Anon and Marisa how are you doing? It’s been so long”

“Can’t complain, things are well. Nice performance by the way, ” Dad said in between bites.  

“Oh thanks, I put a lot of work into it. Lady Kanako wanted something flashy. Seems like to worked. So how about you? I heard you moved into the village?” Sanae replied as she got closer. 

If I was the third wheel to dad and Marisa, then Sanae made the fourth, and that gave us a whole cart.  As Sanae butted in and started to catch up with things with dad, Marisa slid towards me. We spent some time talking about how the festival went, what I learned from my time here, plans for future training. Nothing really too deep. Dad’s and Sanae’s conversation shifted to something I couldn’t follow.  Something about anime, whatever that was. “Are you guys going to head back down? It’s not too late and I know Lady Kanako and Suwako would like to see you again. We don’t mind if you stay the night” 

The table was set with whatever snacks could be made with the leftovers from the day and the sake was out.  I couldn’t help but notice the new guest sitting with us, a short blonde woman with a ridiculous looking hat. Which was saying something from all the hats I’ve seen. This was  Suwako. I remembered she was curiously absent on divine business  when we were all busy setting up for the festival, but bygones are bygones. She took a gulp of her sake. “So good to have guests over. Especially old friends and a face I hadn’t seen since she was a tiny little thing. Good times are here again, and may that stay that way” 

“Well thank you. I appreciative the opportunity to work with you and learn how to do things” I responded.

“It’s fine, It’s fine” she said waving me off “We needed the help, and you needed the money and experience. That’s all there is to it” She took another  gulp. I couldn’t help but stare at someone that looked younger then me gulping down sake like it was water. “So Anon, you doing good? Want me to fix up your wife? I’ve had  my share prayers to deal with bastard spouses, I could do you a favor”

“Lady Suwako! You shouldn’t!” Sanae quickly interjected as dad tried to mutter out a response.

“I’m joking. You know that wouldn’t go over that well. Might as well just wait for natural causes, the way she’s living her life”  Suwako smirked and refilled her cup, ignoring the looks Sanae give her. “Ah, forgive me, you want some Hana? This is the good stuff” Sanae cut in before anyone else could respond “She’s still sixteen, you shouldn’t, you know it’s wrong” Suwako grunted, her hat dropping slightly “Are you really just up in arms about her being so young? You were doing a lot more dangerous things around her age then drinking, you know. You’re assuming a lot about her, you know?” Sanae seemed like she wanted to make a rebuttal, but looked away, looking upset “Sorry about that. Forgot my manners. Anon, is it alright if your daughter has some sake? I’ll water it down even.”

Dad chewed his lower lip before turning towards me “Well….”. It was my decision to make. I could wait until I was old enough to try it out, but those doubts might be lingering all the while. Just one cup. I was surrounded by people who’d make sure nothing went wrong.  I came to my decision  “Yeah, I would” 
Suwako nodded and poured a bit of it into a cup before diluting it with water. She reached over the table to hand me the cup it towards me “It ain’t a snake, go ahead” I gingerly took the cup and gave it a cautious sniff. The smell of alcohol still lingered. I took a gulp. Bottom’s up. I coughed as it went down my throat. It was stronger then I expected. 

Suwako let out a little snort of amusement. “Don’t go guzzling it down now, it might be diluted, but it’s still sake. Just get used to it for now” I took another, smaller sip. It went down smoother this time. It wasn’t all that bad, honestly. 

Marisa spoke up. “So the shrine’s been doing good, right?  I haven’t heard of any trouble around here recently, and lots of people seem to be visiting” 

“In a word, Yes” Kanako said as she leaned forward, steepling  her fingers “In terms of both worshipers and finances, we’ve been doing very well. The tengu seem to have just accepted our presence and don’t usually  cause issue after we ironed out all the kinks in our agreements. I think they realize trying to interfere now would cause more issues then just letting us be.  We’ve been trying to invest what we have into a number of long term investments, but...” She pauses, trying to think of the best way to say it.

Suwako jumps in before she could find piece together the words. “Our neighbors  keep fucking it up” she clarifies helpfully “If you try to get a kappa to build something for you, they’ll find some way to make it go wrong, and the tengu aren’t that much better. Can’t even introduce a concept as harmless as film without them making a disaster  out of it” “Film?” I asked, wondering what they did. 

Kanako started to explain something, but Suwako cut her off with a raised hand “Like photos that move, pretty much. Just know that until humans, responsible humans, can make it you’ll never have to worry about it” 

Marisa ruffled her hair and reached across the table for a teacake. Dad seemed to have relaxed a bit and was pouring himself another drink. I took a sip of mine. The night was still young, after all. 

Someone had made the sun too bright. While at it, they made my brain too big for my skull. I opened my eyes fully and tried to remember what happened last night. I had my first cup of watered-downed sake, then another, and then I decided to have sake without watering to down. After that, not much. I rolled out of the futon I had found myself in and got to my feet, looking for everyone else. As I followed the sounds of people talking, I found myself in the kitchen. Sanae was the stove cooking, and everyone else was lounging around the table. “There you are, how are you feeling?” Suwako greeted me. 

“I just need a little more rest” I said as I waited for my body to pull itself together. 

Suwako smirked a bit. “You’ll be fine. Just know how to pace yourself and know your limits, okay? We’re having breakfast, so if you still have an appetite you can join us” It didn’t take too late before Sanae placed down a few plates in front of us. I was well enough to eat and found myself quite hungry so I dug in. 

When we were all done eating and had cleaned up,  we went back to where we had our party was last night and saw that nobody had bothered to clean it up yet. With some direction from Sanae, I found myself press-ganged in the effort to reduce the mess. Even in my less then optimal state, we quickly conquered the mess. Once things were returned to a state of normalcy, Kanako left and returned a few minutes  later with a stack of coins and a paper. “With all the hours you’ve worked, here’s your pay. Thank you” Having the feeling of cold metal in my hand added to the satisfaction of a job well done.  With everything cleaned up and the payment passed into my hands, there wasn’t much reason for us to stick around much longer.  

We exchanged goodbyes and started to head to the ropeway “Bye now, come back anytime you want, that includes Anon as well. I know someone that would appreciate  having him  around.” “Hey!” Sanae blurted out. “Who said I was talking about you? A political marriage between the shrines would make us stronger, so he might have to watch his back so he doesn’t get seduced” Suwako said teasingly.  I caught Kanako going red in the face, but she still sneaked looks at dad.  As we walked away, I saw Suwako mutter something to Kanako, who quickly turned around and headed into the shrine. 

After some grumbling at having to do her job so early in the day, the kappa running the station brought the ropeway to life. As we descended the mountain, some wolf tengu flew trying to look tough. I watched them keep their distance and wondered how difficult it must be to actually sword fight someone in midair. My thoughts on the feasibility  on close range aerial combat were interrupted when we descended safely to the ground.   “It’s been fun you guys, but I have some stuff to do as well.  See you later, Hana. You too Anon. We should do this more often”Marisa said  Once the two of us gave her our goodbyes, she puttered off somewhere. Dad and I made our way back to our humble little home. After all the time spent in Moriya shrine, it seemed quaint to come back here. 

“Suwako sure likes to joke around, huh” I told dad, still feeling flustered from her boldness. “I’m not sure she’s joking around.  Last night she mentioned how lucky we were to have a heir to the Hakurei shrine already picked out. She nudged me and said unless someone stepped up and helped, they might have to find someone else to take Sanae’s place. Well, that’s the gist of what she said, really.”  

I let out a sigh. Dad getting together with someone would be nice, but this was the equivalent of an old lady trying to get someone together with their granddaughter. Only the grandmother would feel clean.  “Well at least keep your options open” I told him. 

 __________________________

It was a missing persons report. I felt tense as I trekked through the wildernesses, like a rabbit  aware there was a predator nearby. Missing persons cases had the possibility to end up bad. The villagers did enjoy a degree of protection and the unspoken law was to let them be, but it wasn’t always followed.  Some youkai would take their chances when they were sure they could get away from it and escape the consequences. There was also the chance he might have simply gotten lost or injured somewhere, the victim of the wilderness. Regardless, I didn’t want to be the one that broke the news to his family, so I hoped he was still alive and kept looking. I arrived at the site the foreman pointed out to me and started to carefully look around. Nobody had run off with the lumberjack’s equipment, and I couldn’t see any blood. I saw a shape hidden in the dirt between the trees. It was only a hand axe, but what was it doing so far away from everything else? I followed my intuition, heading forward, deeper into the woods. “Hello?” I said, keeping my ears open for an answer and my hands clutched around my goehi.   I was safe from any of the youaki that would think to attack me, but I still kept my eyes peeled, if I got blindsided that might be two missing persons. “Hello?” I said again, just wanting to hear my own voice. 

“Over here!” I heard a man’s voice cry out. As I started over to it, the possibility of it being some kind of trick crossed my mind. I could run over there to find a fox ready to attack me, but better to fail for a trap then let a man die. We exchanged voices for a while until I was able to zero on on his location. I almost fell into a ditch when his  voice was loud and clear. As I got some secure footing and peered over the edge, I found him. He was looking dirty and battered, but didn’t have any clear injures. He was lucky “Oh thank you, someone actually came. I was cutting wood when some blonde girl swooped out of the woods and tried to attack me! I managed to get away, but I fell down here. I think I hurt my ankle, I can’t stand on it” I peered at his ankle. It did seem a bit swollen, but nothing one of the doctors in the village can’t fix. “Could you help me out of here please?” He said as he reached out a arm. I was about to grab it when I was interrupted. 

“Oh there you are!” I heard a voice that was all too familiar to me.  I spun around. Mother was here. She quickly made her way over to the ditch and looked down “I’ll help you get back. I am the more experienced one after all” With a bit of hesitation the lumberjack reached up and grabbed her arm. I never thought mother would be one to turn scavenger, but everyone had to do what they had to to survive after all. The smart thing to do would be to walk away and let her have it. Some gratitude and maybe a small handout is not worth getting into a confrontation  with her. But I wasn’t always smart. “You know, I don’t think the foreman is going to pay you. I was the one he came to for help after all” 

She glared at me. “Don’t give me that. I’ll take what I can get, after what you’ve done. Can’t even help support your own mother after all I've done for you.” She straightened up, jostling the lumberjack who wobbled on his feet. 

“Like what?” I responded 

“I gave birth to you, to start” mother said, snapping her arm out to point to me, the lumberjack wobbled a bit more. “I kept you fed,  gave you a home. I taught you everything. You’d be powerless youkai bait if not for me!” the lumberjack started to look very concerned. 

“Sure, but you couldn't even give a shit other than that” I snapped back, feeling heated. “This mess is your own damn fault, admit it! We left because we had to! You know what? Everyone agrees with what I did! They’re glad we left!” The lumberjack wisely decided not to comment, simply nodding slightly as her attention was turned away. 

“Uh, I think I can walk now. I can probably make it now that you scared off any youkai. Uh thanks.” He managed to say as he tried to stand on his feet, wincing. Mother glared at him. “Oh course, I’ll tell them you- I mean Reimu found me so don’t worry about me” He started to limp off in the general direction of the lumber camp. I began to follow hi. But mother grabbed me by the shoulder. “You still haven’t told me where you’re living. What if something goes wrong and I need to see you? Can’t I see my husband as well? You don’t think I miss him?”

I pulled her arm off. I had to control my breathing to not blurt what I really thought. “You’re not getting to him. Now leave” I turned around and left her there. The attack I half expected never came, but I could feel her glare all the way. 

All round me was danger. I had to be careful. I had to keep calm. Look for an opening. There was one. I dodged my way towards it and unleashed a counter attack, weaving past another wave sent my way. With only a few seconds to rest, another barrage came towards me. As I focused on moving my way though that, I failed to notice the glow in my peripheral  vision until the orb of light collided with me. 

I landed on the ground again, handing another victory to Marisa in her long streak. Marisa soon landed afterwards, grumbling as she started to peel ofuda off her dress. “Geez, I could never understand how you could throw bits of paper so far. I might not be a youkai but these things sure do stick well” Peeling off the last of them, she dusted herself off. “You’ve been improving, pretty soon you’ll get a win. You were a lot more aggressive this time. Did something happen?”    

“Nah, just felt like trying something new” I said. There wasn’t any need to get her involved in all my problems. Maria worked out as crink in her neck. “If you say so. How about you do a  lap around the Forest of Magic then we can call it for day, eh?”I set off and flew as fast as I could. I had gotten so used to the Forest of Magic I could transverse it and find my way back without much thinking. I was improving, but was I improving fast enough? I didn’t see any real rush to take over my mother's duties, but with her breathing down my neck, I felt like I had to improve and soon even if it was just to get her to think twice about fighting me. I still had my doubts that would just resort to just attacking us to get her way, but she always did have a temper. It would take a lot of training to match her, it could take years at this rate. I just had to keep my options open and hope for the best. A small part of me hoped she really would just end up dying and end all of this, but I scolded myself for wishing death on someone, even her and accepted it  was unlikely.  She was still as healthy as a horse and she wasn’t going to knell over and die from any causes soon. I came out of my thoughts to notice I had already looped back around to Marisa’s place.  I made my landing. “You’re getting quick. Just keep that up” Marisa said as she watched me touch down. “I think you’ve shown enough improvement for today. You can head back now” I gave her a nod and flew off. It didn’t take me that long at all for me to reach the village and head home.

Dad was there already. “Oh Hana” he greeted me “You’ll have to make dinner just for yourself tonight. Sanae invited me out to a restaurant she says is good” My look of surprise must  have been very apparent , as he quickly clarified  things. “Oh, it’s not like that. She just wanted to show me a place she knows and catch up on a few things. Just as friends. I’ll be home a little later then usual so just make dinner and clean up. Don’t wait around for me” You better not  be home too late, a little voice in the back of my mind spoke up before I pushed it to the side. There was going to be no thinking of that. “See you later then, dad” I told him instead. 

A few hours later, dad had left for his little get-together with Sanae and I had long since eaten and cleaned up. I was feeling a little anxious and unable to get to sleep. A walk around the village would do me good, I thought. So I set out. I aimlessly wandered around the village, simply trying to tire myself out by stretching my legs. Reaching one of the quieter and smaller districts of the village, I took a gander at the twilight sky. It really was beautiful, I could feel my heart calm itself down at such a sight “Excuse me, Are you busy?” 

The calm in my heart was gone as my heart tried to leap out of my chest. My head snapped around to see who the sudden intruder was. A woman with long blonde hair was suddenly next to me. I didn’t even hear or see her approach, it was like she just dropped in. She was dressed a bit strangely. A long purple dress and a white cap tied to her head with a bow.  Something was off about her. The blonde hair was a giveaway. That sort of hair was rare here. Other then Marisa, and Suwako, and Shou at the temple, and that one leaf goddess that I met, and others I couldn’t recall.  But blonde hair was still uncommon. Then  there was the air she carried herself with. You got a nose for these sorts of things.  The way a youkai carries themselves, the energy around them is so different then your normal human. But the thing that disturbed me the most if the feeling that I knew this woman. Vague memories of seeing a woman like her before. They were as vague and cloudy as a fish’s shadow in a muddy stream. Just like that fish, as soon as I tried to grab for a memory, it slipped away. “I said, could we talk?” The strange woman said, interrupting my thoughts. 

“I’m busy” I told her. I didn’t care how transparent the lie was, I just wasn’t in the mood to talk to some strange woman that was likely some kind of youkai. I don’t think I ever would be. 

She just stepped a bit closer “Most busy people don’t wander around aimlessly in the evening. I know you’re an important person, but can’t you make time to talk about your parents? Of course, if you don’t want to...”

Dammit. I had to take the bait. The last thing I needed was more people poking around in my personal life so I might as well see what she wanted so I could cut her out. If my gut feeling was correct, then this woman was a little more then some third party butting in. Maybe I could see what she knew about us. The less secrets kept from me, the better. “Fine, I have some time. What is it?”

“Good, let’s go somewhere more private” She grabbed me by the arm and pulled me closer to her before I could protest and then- Reality broke. What was once a normal scene slide away and was replaced with nothing. No, something in my gut told it it was worse then nothing. It was like a shadow in a patch of sunlight with nothing to cast it. It was just there. I saw eyes gaze at me as I tumbled and tumbled, then the nothingness around me compressed and I was somewhere else. I looked around, still dazed. I was sitting at a table in some sort of guest room in a traditional style house. Far nicer then even the richest people in the village. I had the feeling that running to one end of this house to the other would be a very long journey. “Oh, I apologize if I scared you. It can be a lot to handle. But allow me to introduce myself. I am Yakumo Yukari”  

With that name, the memories came running back. I knew her! That strange blonde woman that somethings appeared at the shrine when I was still training to watch me, or sometimes visited mother in private. That was her, one of the major shakers of this world, although my mother always talked about her in a way that made it seem like she didn’t think so. I tried to organize all my questions for her, but they ran through my fingers like water. I asked the first thing that came to mind “You. What do you want?” 

She drummed her fingers on the table with a bored look on her face. “I just wanted to see how things were doing. Everyone’s been talking about you and what might happen in the future. I thought I might as well check in on you. Help you out a bit” She gave me a slight smile. If she was trying to be friendly, she wasn’t good at it. “I’m just surprised that you could convince your father to leave Reimu. He used to be very insistent on staying. He swore he would always be by her side no matter what. He made a big show of  it to. He swore to Reimu, the gods, and even me. So what changed his heart, I wonder?”

I was already getting tired of this mysterious act she had going on. Almost nobody in this world had a straight answer to anything.  “You know why. She abused him, treated him like shit. All those pledges mean nothing if he’s getting beaten and abused whenever she’s in a bad mood, and you know it” I said as I leaned over the table to glare at her. 

She reached out a gloved hand and shoved my forehead, knocking me off balance and sending me on my rear. “So you think these words are so easily broken and thrown away? You are a shrine maiden. You swear as an intermediary between the gods and the other humans. You must keep your connection with them. What do you think would happen if you always broke your promises? What would that mean for you? She stared at me, waiting for an answer. 

I thought about it. I had never heard about any promises my dad made to stay by her side, but the more I thought about it, the more upset I got. Over all those years, none of the beings he swore to stepped in. Mother always had her powers even after all she did to dad. Not once did any of the gods she could channel or even the god of her very own shrine step in to stop her. Even when she was beating him bloody or worse on holy grounds, they showed no signs of stopping her. Maybe the struggles of mortals were too small for them to care. But there was no excuse for Yukari to stay out of it. She must have known what was going on, everyone did. But in all my years, she never did a damned thing.  What good was a swear of loyalty if all it meant was that she would turn a blind eye to what was going on. “I don’t give a shit. If the gods or whoever do nothing as he needs help, then what good are they? Aren’t the gods supposed to help humanity? Why should he stick by his word then?” I snapped at her. I didn’t care if she got angry. I had to say my piece.

“That’s a very interesting thing for a shrine maiden to say. I think someone needs to work on their connection to the divine” She said, a look of mock shock on her face.

“But you still made him break away from his wife, yes? Did you think about the consequences of that?” Yukari said as she looked at the ceiling, like it was more interesting then her guest. 
I stood up and tried to find the right angle to look her in the eyes, but she shifted her head around to avoid my gaze. “She might get angry at us, but there’s only so much she can do. Our lives are better now” Then, it dawned on me. “Wait, are you threatening us?” 

She was up in my face. Too fast. I stumbled back. “If you want to think that, sure. But I might not have to. Already the rumors about your father divorcing  Reimu and looking for a new wife are spreading. Are all the rumors  true? They don’t have to be. What matters it that people think they are. There’s going to be trouble around him. He might be nothing but a normal man but there’s going to be trouble following him. Do you think you can handle all of that? You, who was never even been in an incident?”

She was right, if major trouble broke out with dad as the center of it all, I wouldn’t be able to protect him from much. He couldn’t even start a new peaceful life away from her without the threat of all sorts of troublemakers butting in, all because he married that bitch.  “I’ll have to try. Even if I can’t be much, It’d be more then you ever did for him” I growled at her. The thought of it being bad to insult her crossed my mind seconds after the words crossed my lips, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. 

“Oh. True I suppose. I wasn’t really involved in your parent’s lives” Yukari said thoughtfully. With a flourish, a fan appeared in her hand and she tapped her chin with it. “It was never my duty anyway. I’m not here to unravel  the mystery that is the human heart, after all. She’s not the person to listen to advice anyway” I had to agree with her on that latter point. 

“It might not be too late you know. If you return to her, she might make amends. Your departure did throw her for a loop.  You could return to the shrine, you and your father take on your official duties again, and the promise your father made is restored. He’d be welcomed back like the prodigal son. Or...” She waves away her fan “You could see where this all takes you. Continue on with this experiment.Maybe you’d even find a few things out about your mother. Maybe you’d even learn something about yourself The question is, do you want to know?” She gives an all-too-knowing smile. 

“What do you mean by that?” I said. Just for once I wanted a straight answer. Here was someone that could help me achieve  everything I  wanted but was playing obtuse. I was tired of picking up bits and pieces or having to see past lies. I wanted the honest truth. “What do you know about me that I don’t? Answer me!” As I try to pound the table, I feel it happening again. Everything slides away. I plunge through the thin ice and slip into what’s beneath . The Eyes follow me, moving in a way that’s uncomfortably human. The world slips around me until it all forms into something that’s thankfully physical. A village street, lit by the last embers of twilight. I look around. Yukari is gone. All she left for me is a lot of doubt and questions. But if she was going to rain down hell on our heads, I couldn’t spend time chasing down Why’s and How’s.

“Bitch” I mutter to himself as I head  home. 

The streets looked different. The shadows seemed to be dark pools that I could step into all fall into an endless pit. Even if I knew it was silly, I avoid the darkest patches. I rounded the corner to my street, but found I made a mistake. Maybe my mind was in other places. I backtracked and tired to get my bearings. I couldn’t quite recognize any of these houses. Maybe the darkness was more then I thought. No need to panic, there was still enough moonlight out to walk. All I had to do was find a landmark and I could make my way home.  I followed my general sense of direction to where I thought the center of the village was, knowing I could find my way home from there. 

Was it this dark when Yukari dropped me off here? For some reason I couldn’t remember. It was a while ago, right? So why was it so dark now? I didn’t even recognize  this street I was going down now at all. No, don’t panic. Just keep walking and you’ll get home. I wandered through the streets, just waiting for a place I knew to pop up so I could set my path home. I paused. Did I heard something? Yes, voices, coming from over here. It wasn’t too strange, there was a nightlife in the village if you knew where to look. I could go there and get my bearings. I followed the voices, sometimes pausing to correct myself. It didn’t take too long to find myself in front of a building. There was no signage for it, and I’ve never seen it before. Might as well duck in, if it were one of the seedier places in the village I could always leave and forget about it.

I entered. It was a large building. A bar sat in the corner, and tables were places on the edges of it, leaving a large space in the center. It was pretty packed despite how late it was, and music played. I couldn’t see any musicians. Must be one of those phonograph things that some people. here have.  So it  It must be some  kind of club or restaurant.  I go over to the bar, getting over the embarrassment of asking for help in a strange place like this. “Excuse me, what is this place? I got a bit lost, so if you could direct me to somewhere like the village center, that would help me a lot” The bartender didn’t even look up at me and continued to move bottles around on the shelves. I waited a few seconds and repeated myself. Still nothing. I glanced at the customers sitting at the bar to see if they heard me. It was a pretty normal crowd. A young woman, a middle aged man, a kitsune. A kitsune? She was right out in the open, tails and ears exposed to the whole world and nobody seemed to notice. I glanced around the room. Like if someone had torn down a veil, it was filled with youkai. Ghosts flitted about carrying drinks, humans sat at tables and talked with kappa, a tengu was in the corner looking out for something. 

It was wrong. For humans and youkai to be so openly mixing without fear could be of huge consequence. Youkai had to be careful with choosing when to coexist with humans or else the whole system this world was build on would go down. Youkai had to make sure humans still held some sort of fear or reverence to them even if they didn’t hold any harm. I was going to interfere and nip this problem in the bud before it could progress any further. If I could only speak to the owner. Maybe if I drew them out. I found myself drawn to a corner where the phonograph was playing. A great idea came to mind. If I turned it off, then they would pay attention to me. I reach out, and stopped the needle. Everything feel silent. Not just the music, but all the voices died as soon as the music did. I stopped around. Everyone was frozen looking at me.

“I need to speak to the owner of this place. Where are they?” I announced. Nobody spoke up. I marched forward, looking if anyone would speak, but I froze. They were all dolls. Large, life sized dolls. Nobody could mistake these for living things, but a few moments ago they were so life-like, moving and speaking. I cautiously poked one and it fell over. The rest of the world followed. The walls of the building fell down, I could see they were just four sheets of thin wood now. The dark velvet curtains, not darkness as I had thought, parted and I was blinded by red and white lights. I had to run, but my movements were not my own. Long strings going all the way up to the now open sky, were anchored to my wrists and ankles. They forced me to walk forward, closer to the source of the light. I could hear loud voices echoing, but none of the words made sense. Then, I stopped. The strings moved further and further up my body, reaching my neck. As they formed a noose around it and hoisted me up in the sky, I kicked and clawed at it, trying to get free. But I felt my breath drain from me. As it all went dark and I gave up, I saw some large shadow reach out for me. 

My eyes shot open. Safe in my futon, my lungs still full of air, but my heart  still raced. I checked my neck. No markings.