Haruhi>09. Mystérique Sign

Kyon:
During final exams, Haruhi, who suffered a bout of melancholy during the Star Festival, had recovered from aforementioned melancholy enough to go back to doing whatever she wanted to do.
However, as an adverse reaction to her emotional improvement, the blue colored baton of depression had been handed off to me.
Haruhi always seemed to have time left over during an exam.
And today was no exception.
About thirty minutes before pencils down, she was sound asleep on the desk behind me.
Annoying, oh it's annoying, it's so annoying.



Kyon:
According to Haruhi, there is no such thing as a break for the SOS Brigade.
Even during exam time, when all the other clubs went on hiatus, this mysterious brigade, which wasn't really even a club, was open everyday without a holiday... kinda like a convenience store.

Haruhi:
Hey, come take a look at this!

Kyon:
What is it?

Haruhi:
You can't tell what it is?

Kyon:
I've no idea. I don't get it at all.

Haruhi:
It's the logo for the SOS Brigade!

Kyon:
A logo? That's funny, [it looks] to me, it looks more like a drunken tapeworm wrapped around a tube.

Haruhi:
Well, take a closer look at it!
See, it says "SOS Brigade" right there in the middle!


Kyon:
Now that she pointed it out, I can't really say for sure whether I can or I can't see it, but I wouldn't disagree with anybody if they said "it was or wasn't"; And how many negatives did I just use in the sentence?
If somebody's got time, total it up for me.

Haruhi:
You are the one that's got the most free time.
Anyway, I was thinking of putting this thing on the home page of the SOS Brigade website.

Kyon:
You mean this pathetic website that only has a home page?

Haruhi:
This website that you made isn't getting us any visitors at all.
It's so frustrating.
There's nothing on here that spices it up.
It's all because you got in my way.
We'd have had a ton of hits if you'd let me post these erotic pics of Mikuru.
So I got to thinking, I should paste a cool logo or a symbol for the SOS Brigade on the homepage.

Kyon:
Just get this stupid excuse for a website off the Net already.
The access counter hasn't even reached three digits yet.
And ninty percent of those hits has been you checking the site for hits.

Write a blog on there or something.
Isn't it your job to keep a record of the Brigade's activities?

Haruhi:
Uh, too much of a hassle.

Kyon:
Oh, That's a hassle for me, too.

Haruhi:
Okay, Kyon.
Your job for today is to make this logo show up on the homepage of the website.

Kyon:
Why don't you do it yourself?

Haruhi:
I'm the brigade leader.
It's the job of a brigade leader to give orders.
Besides, if I did everything, there'd be nothing left for you guys to do.
Isn't that right?
I'm always spelling this step out for you.
Why don't you use your head?
How do you expect to improve yourself if you only do what you are told?

Kyon:
There you go, talking in circles again.
Are you telling me to do it or not to do it?
Which is it?

Haruhi:
Enough, get on it!

Kyon:
Huh...

Reluctantly I shrunk the master painter Haruhi's tapeworm into an appropriate size, then I pasted it, still reluctantly, into the file and uploaded it.



Kyon:
Starting tomorrow and lasting until summer vacation, we get to have our exam break.
It's also the time when my teachers mark my answers wrong.
Damn, it's annoying.
Guess I'll go and [ogle / glom] Miss Asahina for some comfort.
I knocked on the door fully expecting Miss Asahina's voice to call out a wispy "Yes" in reply.

Haruhi:
Come in!

Kyon:
You're the only one here?

Haruhi:
Yuki is here, too.

Kyon:
She's more like an accessory to the room, so you can't really count her as a member.
I mean, officially she's a member of the literary club.
So I guess I should correct myself.

Kyon:
You and Nagato are the only ones here?

Haruhi:
You wanna file a complaint about it?

Kyon:
If I wrote down every complaint I had about you, it would fill up an entire sheet of A4-size paper, both sides.

Haruhi:
When you knocked on the door just now, I thought for sure we were going to have a visitor today.

Kyon:
Just being careful.
I don't wanna accidentally walk in while Miss Asahina's changing.

Kyon:
That lovely innocent young girl just can't seem to figure out how to lock a door.

Kyon:
So, now what's all this about a visitor?

Haruhi:
Don't tell me you don't remember.

Kyon:
I hope she isn't gonna say anything about the Star Festival three years ago.

Haruhi:
Oh, come on!
It's something you did... without getting my permission first.

Kyon:
I have no idea what you're talking about.

Haruhi:
Those posters you put up all over the school.

Kyon:
Right, those things.

Those posters were my attempt getting the student council to keep the SOS Brigade alive as a sort of jack-of-all-trades counseling thing.
I even hand-drew them all and stuck them up on every bulletin board in school.

Haruhi:
Anyway, take a look at this.
Something weird's happening here.
Maybe it's just the computer acting up.

Kyon:
The SOS Brigade's logo was warped as if somebody used gathering filter on it.
On top of that, the counter and title were gone.
It was subtle but it was different from the page I made.

It looks like the file on the server's been corrupted.
So do you know how long it's been like this?

Haruhi:
No, it was like that when I checked today.
Who do I complain to about this?


Kyon:
It isn't worth filing a complaint.

Hmm?

Haruhi:
It's weird.
Wait, I know, it's hackers or crackers or whatever they're called.

Kyon:
No way. It's probably just an error.

Haruhi:
It's so irritating.
I can't believe someone will make a cyber-terrorist attack on the SOS Brigade.
No, when I find out who's doing this, I'll make him do thirty days of community service, no trial!

Come in!

Koizumi:
Oh, this is unusual.
Miss Asahina hasn't shown up yet?

Haruhi:
The juniors have more exams to take, don't they?

Kyon:
Hey everyone, just hurry up and go home already.
I mean, of all the places, why do you wanna meet here?
Oh, and Haruhi, is there any special reason you're not saying anything about Koizumi knocking?

I'm looking forward to Miss Asahina's tea.


Haruhi:
That's not it!
No, to the right!
No, left!
No, [bounds]!

Kyon:
For a while, I found myself stuck there catering Haruhi's impossible orders.

Haruhi:
That's not it!
Hm? Come in!

Kyon:
At last, a sound of my salvation.

Mikuru:
Um... I'm so sorry I'm late.
I had exams until fourth period.

Kyon:
With a humble apology, she appeared, no, descended, the angel of the club, Miss Asahina...

Mikuru:
Well, I, uh... let's see...
I, uh... I sort of brought a visitor with me.

Kyon:
Unbelievable!
I never thought anyone would come to us for counseling.
But someone has! And there she is!
Her name was Emiri Kimidori, a junior, who seemed very quiet and pure.

Haruhi:
So let me get this straight--you want us, the SOS Brigade, to go and search for your missing boyfriend?

Kimidori:
Yes.

Haruhi:
Hmm...

Kyon:
Oh great.
It seems that she thinks the purpose of the SOS Brigade really is to be a mobile task force or a jack-of-all-trades counseling thing.

So... what exactly is troubling you?

Kimidori:
He hasn't been in school for the longest time.

Haruhi:
Have you tried calling him?

Kimidori:
He doesn't answer his cell or his home phone.
I even went to his house, but he wasn't there.

Haruhi:
Hm... what about your boyfriend's family?

Kimidori:
As far as I know, he lives alone.
A while ago, I remember hearing they lived and worked overseas.
But I don't have any of their contact information.

Haruhi:
Really?
Well, are his parents in Canada?

Kimidori:
No, I believe they live somewhere in Honduras.

Haruhi:
Oh ho, yes, Honduras. Indeed!

Kyon:
What was this "indeed" stuff?
I doubt she even knows where Honduras is.
Let's see, somewhere below Mexico, right?

Kimidori:
The night when I went to see him, the house was pitch-black.
I'm so worried.

Haruhi:
Yeah, I can totally understand how you're feeling about this.

Kyon:
Liar. You don't understand the feeling of being in love.

Haruhi:
Anyway, I'm surprised you came to the SOS Brigade with this mystery.
So why'd you come to us?

Kimidori:
My boyfriend used to talk about the SOS brigade.
That's why I am here.

Haruhi:
Oh? So, who is this boyfriend?

Cat:
Meow.

Kimidori:
...is his name.

Haruhi:
Don't know him. Who's he?
Hmm...

Kyon:
Hm?

Mikuru:
Hm?

Kimidori:
To tell you the truth, he's the president of the Computer Club.

Kyon:
Hmmm... huh!
The guy Haruhi took pictures of his sexually harass Miss Asahina.(xxx)
The guy Haruhi blackmailed so she could take his top-of-the-line computer.
The poor guy who was forced to hook the computer up with tears in his eyes.
I totally forgot about him.

Haruhi:
Okay, I got it.
Don't worry, we'll do something about this.
Miss Kimidori, today is your lucky day.
Since you're the SOS Brigade's first client, I'll solve the case of your missing boyfriend for free!

Kyon:
You planed on charging money for this?

Hey, taking the case was the easy part.
But what are we gonna do if you can't solve it?

Haruhi:
Hmm... We'll solve it.
I'm sure the Computer Club chief's suffering from the May Melancholies even if it's a couple months late.
We'll just stroll into his house, grab him, slap him around a little and drag him out there.

Kyon:
I think she's serious about that.
But if he's got a girlfriend like Miss Kimidori, why's the guy hiding out in the Computer Club?

Are you and Miss Kimidori friends or something?

Mikuru:
Uh-uh. I've never spoken to her before today.

Kyon:
If she needed help, why didn't she go to a teacher or the police?
No, maybe she did, but they didn't take her seriously.
That's why she came to the SOS Brigade for help.
Yeah, that's what's going on here.
Looks like Haruhi is using this as an opportunity to attract bigger cases.
Bet she thinks she can solve those, too.

Haruhi
We could always pass out fliers at the front gate like we did last time.



Kyon:
The president of the Computer Club lived in a one-room condo.
The building wasn't the best, but it wasn't the worst.
It was your typical three-and-a-half-story deal, nothing special.

Haruhi:
Let's do it.

Well, this is the place.
But, how are we gonna get in there?

Kyon:
Next time, try that first!

Haruhi:
How about if we go up on the balcony in the back?
Maybe we can get in if we break the glass or something.

Kyon:
The room is on the third-floor, and it's not like we're a gang of teenage burglars trying to rob the place.
I don't want a criminal record yet.

Haruhi:
Yeah, okay.
Then let's go down to the manager's office and borrow the key.
We'll just tell the manager that we're friends of his who're worried about him.

Kyon:
That excuse is getting a little old.
With eyes like liquid helium, she stared back at me.

Haruhi:
You've gotta be kidding. I didn't realize it was open.
Whatever, guess we might as well go in.
He is probably hiding under the bed or something.
Come on! Let's drag his butt out of there.

Kyon:
She doesn't even feel guilty for swiping the computer right out of his hands.

Haruhi:
Well, that's strange.
I totally thought we'd find him in a corner of the room curled up in a ball.
Kyon, do you know where someone with the case of May Melancholies in July might scurry off to?

Kyon:
He's either traveling in Central or South America or he really doesn't wanna be found.

Nagato:
We should leave now.

Kyon:
That's the first time she's spoken today.

Koizumi:
Miss Nagato is right. We need to go.

Kyon:
Don't sound so serious.
Don't breathe on me.
You're too close and you're freaking me out.

Koizumi:
I'm feeling a little strange in here.
It's a sensation I'm all too familiar with.
So we should get going.

Haruhi:
Awesome! Warabi mochi!
It expired three days ago, but I'm sure they're still good.
Come on, let's eat!
Say "aah," Mikuru.

Mikuru:
No, don't!

Haruhi:
Aah, aah!
Come on!

Kyon:
What do you mean "familiar"?

Koizumi:
It's the familiar scent.
The room has the same kind of smell as closed space.

Kyon:
Come to think of it, you're a real-life esper, aren't you?

Nagato:
There's another dimensional layer.
As we stand here, it's beginning to shift.

Kyon:
Okay, looks like it'd be best if we all got the hell out of here.

Haruhi:
I'm so hungry.
That's it for today. Dismissed!

Kyon:
Hey wait! What about the case?

Haruhi:
Don't worry, we'll figure it out.
See ya!

Kyon:
She's already bored.

Mikuru:
Um, is anything the matter?
Why did you want us to come back here without telling Miss Suzumiya?

Kyon:
Those two seem to think there's something fishy with that room.
Isn't that right?

Koizumi:
Yes.
I'm sure we'll find out once we get back inside.
Right, Miss Nagato?

Nagato:
There is a localized noncorrosive alternate space in this room.
It's happening independently in limited mode.

Kyon:
Wow, it almost sounds like that you just flip through a dictionary, pulling out words at random.

Koizumi:
She's saying that there's something similar to closed space in here.
It's not the same as ones created by Miss Suzumiya.
The one in this room smells different.
Do you think the disappearance of the Computer Club president is related to this space?

Nagato:
Yes.

Kyon:
I should've told her to wait.

Mikuru:
Ahh!

Kyon:
I couldn't enjoy the feeling of Mikuru clutching my arm because I was trying really hard to figure out where I was.
I remember I was standing in a small one-room condo a second ago, not this creepy place.

Nagato:
I have analyzed the entry code.
It overlaps standard space.
It is merely out of phase.

Koizumi:
It doesn't seem to be closed space though.

Nagato:
It's slightly different--in one segment of the spatial data, there is junk information that seems to have originated with Haruhi Suzumiya.

Koizumi:
Can you tell how much?

Nagato:
Insignificant levels.
She only triggered this situation.

Koizumi:
I see so that's what happened.

Kyon:
Can Miss Asahina and I join this conversation?

So the president of the Computer Club is somewhere in here?

Koizumi:
It seems that way.
This alternate space created itself in his room, and for some reason, he became trapped within it.

Kyon:
Then where is he?

Wait!
Do you think you can tell me what you're gonna do first?
I just wanna be ready for it, okay?

Nagato:
Nothing.
There it is.

Kyon:
What is that?

Koizumi:
I can definitely feel its animosity.

Kyon:
Those two have ways of defending themselves.
But Miss Asahina and I don't even stand a chance.
You wouldn't happen to have... laser guns or anything?

Mikuru:
We're forbidden to carry firearms because it's dangerous.

Kyon:
Sure, I can understand that.
They wouldn't do her any good anyway.
Besides, she might accidentally leave them on a train or something.

Mikuru:
Huh? Ah!

Kyon:
Do you guys know what camel crickets look like?
For those of you who don't, I'd like to show you what I'm looking at right now.

What is this?

Koizumi:
A camel cricket.

Kyon:
Got it. Thanks, Captain Obvious.

Nagato:
It's the creator of this dimension.

Kyon:
No way. Did Haruhi do this too?

Nagato:
The cause is different, but she was the catalyst.

Kyon:
Okay, you can move now.

Koizumi:
Looks like I can still access my powers in here, at least partially.
But it's only a tenth of what I usually work with.
Maybe it was determined that this was all the power I needed.

Kyon:
Yeah, great.
Uh, Nagato. What is that insect, and where is the Computer Club guy?

Nagato:
It is a data life form.
It is currently using the male student's brain to increase its probability of survival.

Koizumi:
Are you saying the president is inside that thing?

Nagato:
Exactly.

Koizumi:
I see.
This camel cricket is a manifestation of the thing the president fears the most.
If we defeat it, we can shut down this alternate space.
Am I mistaken?

Nagato:
No mistakes.

Koizumi:
Then it should be relatively easy.

Kyon:
Miss Asahina's giving me a workout.
I'm so gonna lose it.
And she's taking away my mobility, so I can't escape!

Koizumi:
Don't worry. It'll be over soon.

Kyon:
Just hurry up and do it.

Koizumi:
Roger that.
Fumoffu!

Nagato:
Pausing interval seconds between display.

Kyon:
A force field?

Koizumi:
Second raid!

Kyon:
Did that work?
I guess it didn't work.

Koizumi:
Is it over now?

Kyon:
Looks like he's still alive.
I suddenly found myself standing in the one-room condo again.



Nagato:
It arrived 280 million years ago.
When it landed on this planet, it could not find a necessary means to survive here.
To preserve itself, it went into hibernation.
When humans created the computer network, it shifted into a half-awaken state.
Then, an explosion of unmeasured amounts of data from a parallel world caused it to fully awake.

Kyon:
That explosion of data from a parallel world turned out to be the SOS Brigade's logo that Haruhi drew.
That was the trigger.

Nagato:
In Earth measurements, this emblem contains approximately 436 petabytes of data.

Kyon:
No way! That thing isn't more than 100 kilobytes!

Koizumi:
The symbol she happens to draw turns out to be something amazing.
Only Miss Suzumiya could do that.

Kyon:
Now I was honestly starting to get scared.

It can't just be a coincidence.
The SOS Brigade was formed.
Miss Asahina joins because she is the perfect mascot.
Koizumi joins because he's a transfer student.
Nagato joins because she's been there from the start.
On top of that, Miss Asahina came from the future.
And Nagato's sort of... alien-ish.
If all of this really was Haruhi's doing, it's just good to be true.

Koizumi says it's all because Haruhi wished it.
But I don't believe that.
Look, I'm just an ordinary guy.
And, if it's really true that everything Haruhi does is significant in some way, why did she choose me to become a member of the SOS Brigade?
Is it because I've got latent super crazy powers, or do I have a secret identity that no one's told me about?
What in the hell am I, anyway?
I know, I'm the conscience of the SOS Brigade.
I'm here because I have to stop Haruhi's illegal club activities.
It's my job to make her have a normal high school life.

All right, you've gotta tell me what the camel cricket was.

Nagato:
A data life form.

Kyon:
Any relation to your entity thingy?

Nagato:
A similar source.
The other life form evolved differently and its race perished.

Kyon:
Well, so you thought, until you found a survivor right here.
Why Earth of all places?
It would've been nice if it'd decided to hibernate on Neptune or something.
To think the Internet was the nursery for an evil overlordy thing like that...



Kyon:
Hang on a second.

Mikuru:
Huh?

Kyon:
I just realized nothing happened in this room when Haruhi finished drawing the logo.
And when she showed it to me, nothing happened then, either.

Koizumi:
For a while now, this room has been in an alternate dimension.
Elements and force fields collide with one another here, canceling each other out, creating a sort of saturation.
But there's no room left for anything else to blend in.

Kyon:
So, while I wasn't looking, this room was turned into an ominous den of weirdness?

Koizumi:
Not to worry, I think it's harmless... probably.

Kyon:
Oh, brother...
I really don't feel like going insane, or looking for a rope to hang myself with just because this place is so strange.

Koizumi:
I'm doing my best to make sure that doesn't happen.

Kyon:
Well, I hope and pray that this kind of stuff isn't happening because you're doing your best.

Koizumi:
Mmhmm.

Kyon:
Huh? There's almost 30,000 hits on this thing!

Nagato:
The data life form reproduces itself by installing hyperlinks at various locations.
It then copies the information about itself into the brains of humans who see the emblem, creating more closed space.

Kyon:
However, since the data has become corrupt, the humans who saw it most likely, did not suffer a negative effect.
According to Nagato, there were eight other idiots who saw the logo, five of which were North Hight students.
Guess that means we'll have to go rescue them, too.

If you look at it long enough, the thing actually says "ZOZ Brigade."
Nagato redid the logo, and I stuck it back onto the page.

The Computer Club guy came back today.

Haruhi:
Oh, really?
It was either a case of the May Melancholies or an argument with his girlfriend.
Hey, isn't it amazing though?
Our website's gotten 30,000 hits!
It's like people know a good thing when they see it.

Kyon:
I wonder....
Could it be that she's the one who destroyed the data?
And the girl who came to us, Miss Kimidori...
I asked the Computer Club Chief, and he said he doesn't have a girlfriend.
Nagato's always been in the middle of the elaborate scenario, hasn't she?
It wouldn't surprise me at all if you told me this omnipotent alien terminal had done something with Miss Kimidori, making her come to us with the case.
Maybe sending a fake client to us was a way of getting rid of Haruhi's boredom for a little while.
I wonder if she's been doing this the whole time, keeping the weirder things at bay, and not saying anything to anyone, quietly from the shadows.
Or maybe, getting involved with this case was something that Nagato wished for?
An android made by aliens, living in an empty room for years on end.
Nagato, is it possible that you get that way, too?
I wonder...
Do you feel lonely when you're alone?