Baka and Test>6. Me, Pools, and Swimsuit Paradises... and...

Narrator:
Summertime.
Fumizuki Academy is bathed in golden bliss.
Laughter can be heard everywhere as splashing water glistens in the sun.

Mizuki:
Oh...

Narrator:
Also there is screaming and spurting blood.


-- Episode 6 : "Me, Pools, and Swimsuit Paradises... and..." --


Akihisa:
Oh that's right. Yuuji!

Yuuji:
Huh? Argh!!

Akihisa:
The gas has been shut off, so there's no hot water.

Yuuji:
How am I supposed to take a shower?!

Akihisa:
Well, if you start by kind of numbing up your arms and legs, eventually you can wash your head and all your important junk.

Yuuji:
That wasn't a real question, you moron!
It was a hypodermic one!

Akihisa:
I don't think you're using that word right.
I know. Why not take a shower to clear your head?

Yuuji:
I'm not freezing my butt off just because you're a gasless tool!
Seriously, man. You've got no hot water, no food.
How can you live like this?
It's ridiculous.

Akihisa:
Don't be such a jerk.
It's not like I'm surviving on nothing.
I've got stuff to eat.

Yuuji:
I like to start my day with a nice glass of olive oil.
How much you wanna bet there's nothing in your fridge?

Akihisa:
Shows what you know, I've got stuff in there.

Yuuji:
Oh, thank God.
There's a green bag of funk.

Akihisa:
So, Yuuji, what're you gonna have to eat?

Yuuji:
Everything you see here... minus the chopsticks.

Akihisa:
Are you serious?!
The only thing you're leaving me to eat are the chopsticks?!

Yuuji:
You wouldn't seriously eat those things.

Akihisa:
Well, it's better than eating the plastic bag.
At least the wood is organic.

Yuuji:
I can't let you eat wood for lunch.
Besides, I don't wanna use my fingers for the noodles.
But, don't worry. I've got something for you, too.
Diet cola, diet gelatin, and diet noodles.

Akihisa:
I don't need to go on a diet!

Yuuji:
I'm trying to keep you healthy after all that junk you've been eating.

Akihisa:
Maybe you don't remember us talking ten seconds ago, but I have no food!

Yuuji:
You should know why a diet of oil and sugar is bad for you.

Akihisa:
Worse than starving!
I'm gonna shove that diet crap up your nose!

Yuuji:
Big talk!
You wanna go?!

Akihisa:
Heck yeah...
Gotta say I've been dreaming about taking you down for a while now, Yuuji.

Yuuji:
That's fine. Give it your best shot!

Akihisa, Yuuji:
Ahhhhh!

Yuuji:
You've got pretty good aim.

Akihisa:
Say the same thing about you.

Yuuji:
Watch out! And I'm done screwing around, you pansy!

Akihisa:
Go ahead, big man, bring it on!

Yuuji:
What exactly do we get out of cracking each other's skulls?

Akihisa:
Nothing...
I'm all sticky. I'd better take a shower soon.
But you can go first if you want to.

Yuuji:
I'm not taking a shower here.

Akihisa:
Where are you gonna go then?

Yuuji:
Some place where they've heard of a little thing called hot water.


Mr.Nishimura:
Okay, fine.
You hop the fence to take a shower in the locker room, but then thought since you were here you might as well go swimming in your under pants.
Do you have anything to say for yourselves?

Yuuji, Akihisa:
It was all his fault!

Akihisa:
You're the one who couldn't stand a little cold water!

Yuuji:
We wouldn't be here if you could pay your stupid gas bill!

Akihisa:
It's better than no water!

Yuuji:
You're like a homeless dude!

Mr.Nishimura:
I've heard enough excuses. I think I got it.

Akihisa:
See? It's not my fault, right?

Mr.Nishimura:
I don't think either of you would choose to be this stupid if you could help it.
But maybe cleaning the pool next weekend as punishment will make you think a little!

Yuuji, Akihisa:
Yes sir...


Hideyoshi:
He really picked you up by your face?

Akihisa:
Yeah, now we've gotta clean that ginormous pool all by ourselves.

Yuuji:
Cheer up, pal.
We got an all-access pass to use the pool as long as we clean the stupid thing.
You wanna come hang out with us, Kouta?

Kouta:
No thanks.

Yuuji:
Not that it matters, but I'm inviting Minami and Mizuki to come with us too.

Kouta:
Where's my brush and when do I clean?

Hideyoshi:
That sounds like fun.
Would it be all right with you if I assisted your cleaning efforts at the pool?

Akihisa:
Heck yeah, man!

Minami:
Hey, what's up?!

Mizuki:
Keeping out of trouble?

Yuuji:
Gotta clean the pool this weekend, but we were thinking of swimming.
You ladies wanna join us?

Minami, Mizuki:
Ugh...

Mizuki:
I don't know...
I don't have a suit.

Minami:
Yeah, me too...
Not sure mine fits.

Yuuji:
I bet Akihisa can't wait to see Hideyoshi's swimsuit.

Hideyoshi:
I've got my swimsuit.

Minami:
No fair making the rest of us look bad just because you're super hot!

Mizuki:
That's right! Do you have to make everything so difficult?

Hideyoshi:
I have no idea what you two were talking about.

Yuuji:
So, you coming with or what, girls?

Minami:
I'm coming!

Mizuki:
You bet I am!

Minami:
I have to start getting ready.

Mizuki:
Oh yeah, that's right.
We can't show up there like this.
I have to stop eating so I can look good at the pool.

Yuuji:
Okay.
I just have to make sure Shouko can go, then we're set.

Akihisa:
You're asking her?
I guess you're starting to get into Shouko a bit, huh?

Yuuji:
Akihisa...
If she finds out later that I didn't invite her along with the rest of us, what do you think she'll do to me?

Akihisa:
I'm sorry.


Akihisa:
Good morning, everyone!

Mizuki:
Well, somebody's in a good mood today.
Really lucked out with beautiful weather, didn't we?

Hideyoshi:
I went out and bought a new swimsuit especially for today.

Kouta:
I can't wait to see!

Akihisa:
Really? What kind is it?!

Hideyoshi:
Ah, just some boring trunks.

Akihisa:
But that's a men's swimsuit.

Kouta:
Lucky, you put it out to our twisted dreams.

Akihisa:
You're toying with me, Hideyoshi!
Don't you like me anymore?!

Hideyoshi:
I really don't understand what all the fuss is about.

Haduki:
Hey there, Big Stupid Head!
I missed you so much!

Akihisa:
Hi, Haduki.

Minami:
She kept freaking out about coming, so I felt bad and said yes.

Yuuji:
Well, this is everyone.
Let's all go get changed in the locker rooms and meet up poolside in a few.

Haduki:
Yay!

Akihisa:
Hold up, kid.
This is the way to the guys' locker room.
You and Hideyoshi have to go that way.

Haduki:
I'm just joking.

Hideyoshi:
My choice of locker room is not a joke.

Minami:
Okay, you've had your fun, you two.
You can't change with all the boys.

Hideyoshi:
Don't agree with him!
I can't go with you!
That I'd be changing alone in front of a bunch of girls which is hardly appropriate!

Shouko:
You'll have to change with Yuuji.

Hideyoshi:
I'm okay with that!

Yuuji:
Don't sweat it, Hideyoshi. Check it.

Akihisa:
So, is "Hideyoshi" a new gender?


Haduki:
Hey, Silly Boys! Thanks for waiting for me.

Akihisa:
Of course, Haduki. We couldn't... Ugh!

Kouta, Akihisa:
Ahhh!

Akihisa:
We could get arrested for what we're thinking.

Kouta:
I think I need to call my lawyer.

Yuuji:
Pull yourselves together, guys. Quit being overdramatic.

Minami:
Haduki! You're not supposed to be wearing that!
Give it back!
I have to use it to keep my bikini top on!

Haduki:
These?
They come right out, chill.

Minami:
This isn't a toy to play with!
Those cost a lot of money, you know!

Akihisa:
So those are... your boobies?

Minami:
Never mention this again!
I'll toss you into next Tuesday!

Akihisa:
Which I won't! I've already forgot!

Kouta:
Almost... Almost...
Please someone, take a picture...


Minami:
Oh, Stupid Haduki ruined the whole illusion I was trying to create.
What're you grinning at?
Is there something funny here?

Akihisa:
No, not at all. I think you look really good.

Minami:
Really?

Akihisa:
Sure.
In that suit, your boobs... uh, bust... I mean breasts... they look the same from any side...
My foot being crushed!

Minami:
My body does not look the same from any side, got it?!

Yuuji:
Now, don't get upset.
That's his own stupid way of hiding the fact that he's checking you out in your new swimsuit.

Minami:
Gee, Aki... you're so sweet!
You don't have to hide your love behind stupid comments!

Akihisa:
Cool... Your micro breasts are hot.

Minami:
Now, I gouge out your eyes.

Yuuji:
Oh...
Ahh! My eyes are blind! She stabbed my freaking eye!

Shouko:
Yuuji. Now you won't look at other girls.

Haduki:
Oh, wow, you're so pretty.

Shouko:
That's very sweet. I blush.

Minami:
Okay, stud, isn't there a little something you wanna say to Shouko now?

Yuuji:
Shouko...

Shouko:
Hm?

Yuuji:
You got a rag.
My eyes feel like they're bleeding.

Akihisa:
Tell her how you like her swimsuit.

Yuuji:
How can I, when I can't see anything?!

Akihisa:
Oh man, Yuuji's turning into a wuss.
Am I right, Kouta?
Kouta...? Kouta!

Kouta:
I'm sorry...
But my time here's finished.

Akihisa:
Oh, no. Not yet!
Who dares attack my friend Kouta like this?!

Mizuki:
He he. I'm sorry!
It took me a while to figure out how to tie my strings in the back all by myself!

Akihisa:
Ah! Sweet death embrace me!
It's like a weapon of mass destruction...

Mizuki:
Yoshii! What happened to you?!

Minami:
Huh...
<German> Worauf fur einem Standard hat Gott jene unterschieden...

Mizuki:
Minami, what's the matter?

Haduki:
It's weird, but sometimes when Minami gets upset, German is the only thing she can speak.

Yuuji:
Oh, man. What the heck's going on?

Shouko:
You cannot look at her.

Mizuki:
So, is this everybody?

Akihisa:
No, Hideyoshi hasn't made it yet.
What's his swimsuit again?

Kouta:
A pair of trunks.

Akihisa:
That's right...

Hideyoshi:
Sorry to keep you all waiting.

Akihisa:
My nose didn't explode.

Kouta:
It's dried up.

Hideyoshi:
Did everybody make it?

Minami:
Thanks, Hideyoshi.
Way to go and make us look like we're not even trying!

Mizuki:
Big faker!
Pretend you're going to come here in trunks, and then showed like that!

Haduki:
I think you're the prettiest girl I've ever seen.

Hideyoshi:
I would thank you except that I'm actually a guy.

Haduki:
Then why did you come here wearing a girl's swimsuit?

Hideyoshi:
I told the stupid sales person I required regular fashion for a pool.

Mizuki:
To be fair to the sales person, it would be regular fashion if you were a pretty princess.

Shouko:
Poor Yuuji... are you all right?

Yuuji:
Yeah, don't worry.
Eventually I'll start...
Ahhh! Kill me already!

Shouko:
Love hurts.
But you can hurt worse if you allow your eyes to wander.


-- EYE CATCH --


Haduki:
Hahaha... There!

Hideyoshi:
Hahaha...

Yuuji:
Shouko...? Sh-Shouko?

Mizuki:
Hey, Yoshii. It looks like you're a pretty good swimmer.

Akihisa:
You're not going in, Mizuki?

Mizuki:
Actually the only thing I do in water is float.
Nobody ever taught me how to swim before.

Minami:
I can teach you how to swim if you're up for it.
I'm a really good swimmer.

Mizuki:
That is so sweet of you! I would love that.

Akihisa:
It's like they've switched roles.
Mizuki the A student is being helped by Minami the F student.
Things are backwards. Mizuki's got F's and Minami's got A's.

Minami:
With duct tape and right lighting, I'm at least a B!

Shouko:
In case you're curious, Yuuji, I'm ranked a straight C.

Yuuji:
I have no idea what you're saying?

Haduki:
Hey, dorkface!

Akihisa:
Huh?

Haduki:
Me and you should play underwater demon.

Akihisa:
Underwater demon? Is that anything like sharks and minnows.

Haduki:
No, in underwater demon, the person being the demon chases after everybody else.
As soon as he is able to drag someone into the water and drown them, he's the winner.

Akihisa:
That isn't a game. That's psychotic!
Listen, Haduki.
That game is too dangerous for you to play, okay?

Haduki:
Okay... Just sounded like fun.

Akihisa:
Check it out!
Hey, Shouko!

Shouko:
You rang?

Akihisa:
I'm going to teach you an awesome pool game to play with Yuuji.
It's pretty simple.
You drag Yuuji into the water.
After he drowns, you perform CPR on him, and that'll make you a winner.

Yuuji:
Ahhh! Help...! I can't...! Please... somebody help...

Akihisa:
See? Not much fun.

Haduki:
Hmm...

Yuuji:
You did this, didn't you?! Ugh!

Shouko:
Yuuji, it's only a game.

Yuuji:
Shouko, what're you thinking?

Aiko:
Shouko? What's going on?

Shouko:
Hey, Aiko.

Akihisa:
What're you doing here, Aiko?
Got swimming class?

Aiko:
I've got a membership to the pool here.
A bunch of us do, actually.

Miharu:
There's my honey!
Now why would you plan a near naked trip to the pool without telling your sweet girlfriend?

Minami:
Why are you here, Miharu?!

Miharu:
[I ex-spys/I've got spys].
And they're always keeping me up-to-date, so I can protect you from the crazies around here.

Aiko:
Well, I'm going to go get my suit on.
By the way, boys, if you're gonna check me out, don't let me catch you.

Akihisa:
Oh, crap!
She just totally gave me permission.
And my manhood requires that I go.

Mizuki:
Better think twice before following your manhood, Yoshii.
It'll only lead you to trouble in the end.

Minami:
You do wanna live to see another tomorrow, don't you, Aki?

Akihisa:
Ahh!
This is the creepiest pool ever.
My only hope now is that Kouta's camera will be able to find its mark.
No!


Akihisa:
Oh, man...
Swimming really makes me hungry, you know.

Mizuki:
Then, I've got the perfect treat for you.
I brought along some snacks.
I didn't make enough for everyone, so I wasn't going to mention it.

Everyone:
Ugh...

Mizuki:
I only have three waffles, but they're really cute.

Yuuji:
We have to do it!

Akihisa:
The Winner Eat None Championship...

Yuuji, Akihisa:
...Sudden Death Swimming Contest!

Hideyoshi, Kouta:
Yeah!

Yuuji:
The rules are simple.
The first one to reach the end after making a lap is the winner!

Narattor:
Mizuki made three waffles of death.
There are four boys to feed them to.
Which means whoever wins this race has the right to refuse eating and live to fight another day.

Aiko:
Ready, everybody?
On your mark!

Akihisa:
Kouta is weak because he is a bleeder.
Hideyoshi is hot, but I'm totally stronger.

Aiko:
Set!

Akihisa:
Which means... it's just between the two of us.

Aiko:
Go!

Akihisa:
Drop dead!

Yuuji:
Drop dead!

Akihisa:
You play dirty!

Yuuji:
Whatever gets me through the day, waffle eater.
Not bad, Akihisa.

Akihisa:
Is that all you got for me, tough guy!

Aiko:
You guys can fight all you want but they're at the turn already.

Yuuji:
What?

Akihisa:
What?
This is bad! They're going to beat us!

Yuuji:
Not if we can help it. I'm gonna take Kouta out of the race while you go after Hideyoshi!

Akihisa:
Okay!
Hideyoshi! You shall not pass!

What? What's this?

Minami:
Aki!

Mizuki:
Why on earth would you do that to Hideyoshi?!
Why?!

Akihisa:
What did I do?
Wait...
Don't tell me I accidentally snagged his...

Hideyoshi:
Hey, what'd you do that for?

Akihisa:
Ugh...

Mizuki:
Yoshii!

Minami:
Aki!
Hideyoshi, cover yourself, quick!

Hideyoshi:
But why? I'm just a regular guy.

Kouta:
I'm a goner, but I have no regrets.

Aiko:
Ahaha.
I wonder how you get blood out of a pool.


Mizuki:
That was a lot of fun, wasn't it?

Minami:
Yeah.

Akihisa:
I am totally beat though.

Hideyoshi:
It might be all the blood loss, don't you think?

Yuuji:
Here's an idea.
What do you say we all hit the bath house?

Haduki:
Okay!


Akihisa:
Hold up, kid.
This is the way to the men's bath.
You and Hideyoshi have to go that way.

Haduki:
I'm just joking.

Hideyoshi:
My choice of bath is also not a joke.

Minami:
Okay, you've had your fun, you two.
You can't bathe with all the boys.

Hideyoshi:
Not again! I told you before!
It's totally inappropriate for me to go with the girls!

Yuuji:
Don't sweat it, Hideyoshi. Check it.

Akihisa:
So it's acknowledged by society.


Yuuji:
Ahh... so sweet.

Akihisa:
Soothe the bones.
What's your deal, Kouta?

Kouta:
Naked girls are right over there.

Akihisa:
What?!

Minami:
Hey! What're you doing?

Miharu:
It's just washing.

Minami:
I'm perfectly capable of soaping myself, thank you!

Miharu:
You can lie to yourself and say you were just getting clean.
It doesn't make you weird or anything.

Minami:
Would somebody please save me from her!

Mizuki:
Oh, be easy you know, they're really not as fun as everyone thinks.
You get these back aches and jogging's a total pain.

Minami:
That's a lie all huge boobers tell us!


Yuuji:
Akihisa, shampoo!

Akihisa:
Sure, here.

Yuuji:
Said shampoo. This is soap that I bought.

Akihisa:
All you need to clean hair is bubbles, so I just rubbed it on my head.

Yuuji:
Why the hell did I bother asking you to get shampoo.
Hey, Shouko! Can I borrow your shampoo?
Thanks!

Shouko:
Yuuji, I need some soap.

Yuuji:
Catch!

Mizuki:
You two are acting like a married couple already.

Yuuji:
Mizuki, bite your tongue!
Saying crap like that only strengthens her delusions.
If you start buying into it, she'll only trap me...


Mizuki:
I don't think they change size in zero gravity.

Miharu:
Don't you know that it's bad manners to try and stay covered up in a spa like this!
You have to set yourself free and let us be together as nature intended!

Minami:
Why can't she just leave me alone!


Aiko:
Hey, did you know?
The men and women's sides of the bath are totally connected!
You might be able to see stuff under water.

Kouta, Akihisa:
Dive Challenge!
Ow, ow, ow, ow...

Akihisa:
xxx hot, water is right there!

Kouta:
Let's freeze our heads and then we can take the pain!

Kouta, Akihisa:
Dive challenge number two!
Aw!

Aiko:
Looks like it didn't work, did it?

Akihisa:
We can't let that wench just mock us like that!

Kouta:
It's game time!

Akihisa:
Time to pull out the big guns!

Narrator:
The iron bracelet allows Akihisa to summon his Avatar without the need of teacher approval.

Akihisa:
Awaken! I'm summoning my Avatar. Summon!
Okay! Go!

Haduki:
Youshii's stupid Avatar is getting all creepy!

Kouta:
Can you see?

Akihisa:
Ahh! my Avatar can see them, but it's just making my brain explode inside!

Kouta:
Try plan B. Here.

Akihisa:
Awesome!
My avatar can definitely take some pictures.

Girls:
I'm summoning my Avatar!

Akihisa:
Ahh!

Aiko:
Summon!

Shouko:
Summon!

Miharu:
Summon!

Minami:
Summon!

Mizuki:
Summon!

Minami:
We're not gonna let you use your Avatar as a peeping Tom!

Aiko:
Ahaha.
I don't think that little thing has what it takes to get past us.

Akihisa:
It's not the size of the ship, but the motion of the ocean!
Ow...

Mr. Nishimura:
Those who died meet me in the remedial classroom!

Akihisa:
What?!
Where did you come from?! Help me!

Yuuji:
He really hasn't even the slightest bit of luck.


Hideyoshi:
Look at that I won.


[Preview]


Mr. Fukuhara:
Question 7.
What is the marriageable age in Japanese civil law?

Akihisa:
The difference in age doesn't matter as long as there's love.

Mr. Fukuhara:
Thank you for the hopes and dreams.

Akihisa:
Next Episode! "Me, Shouko, and Kisaragi Grand Park."

Mr. Fukuhara:
This will be on the test.