The Disastrous Life of a Psychic (Part 1)


Saiki:when you have supernatural powers the impossible becomes possible

Boy:whoa ! look at this little guy , so cute ! I'm a huge dog lover.(But I'm way more into girls.)
Girl:NO! oh timmy come back! Oh timmy!
Boy:That was weird , so you want to go out sometime?
Girl:You ! Are you trying to pick me up?

Saiki:My name is Kusuo Saiki , and I have psychic superpowers.
Sixteen years ago, an ordinary couple gave birth to a not so ordinary baby boy.

Saiki 's daddy:So cute , almost as cute as mommy.
Saiki 's mommy:So cute , almost as cute as daddy.
Saiki 's daddy:Oh you.

Saiki:Whoa, so i guess i am still only second place.
I started talking when I was 14 days old , without using my voice.

soon afterward, I started walking when I was one month old in the air,
and at 1 year old...

Saiki 's mommy:we're out , I can't cook without rice wine. Kusuo?

Saiki:I ran my first errand.

Saiki 's mommy:Oh cool !

Saiki:My mum finally started to worry about me, now you'd think after a year of this weirdness they'd take me to get tested, but my folks are kind of weird themselves.
Saiki 's mommy:i am pretty sure he steal this rice wine
Saiki 's daddy:Well, I'll go pay him back tomorrow if there is time.
Saiki:Not to mention lazy.
Saiki's mommy:Oh little psychic boy he did that after all.

Saiki:they can still act like lovebirds and they take everything in stride, including me and all my weird powers.
So time rolled on, I became the person you see now a high school student.
As you saw with a floating car I still have my superpowers, I can bend spoon like a good psychic and I can win any corporate giveaway I want, my life is a dream come true.

Saiki:That is what we're thinking right? Well let me drop some truth bombs, bending spoons makes it harder to eat, and winning free popsicles just leads to stomach aches.
He's the happiest boy alive that boy can have anything and do anything. Well that's dead wrong .
I'm the unhappiest boy alive, a boy who has nothing, telepathy, psychokinesis, x-ray vision, precognition, teleportation, clairvoyance, etc, etc.

Sure I can do all those things, but having powers like that also means having something taken away. Sort of like how because we feed our pets they've lost the ability to hunt, or when a mother spoiled her child she loses the ability to become a functional adult. In this way, there's some key experiences I've missed out on, hard work culminating in a sense of achievement, the thrill of being thrown at the surprise party, they're both totally foreign to me. Sure I never get angry or sad about anything but that just means there's no joy or thrill in my life either.
Maybe I should focus on the bright side though, no drama means things are always peaceful for me, and it isn’t bad.
Saiki 's daddy:(Where the hell is he…)
Saiki 's daddy:Hmm...Kusou welcome home my son, you're running kind of late today huh.
Saiki:Why is dad sitting in front of the house?
Saiki 's daddy:I'll get right to the point Kusou, I'm locked out of the house, can you open it up for your own power?
Saiki: Are you kidding again?
Saiki 's daddy:Whoa! I love those psychic powers of yours they're just so sneaky yeah!
Saiki:Don’t call them sneaky.
Saiki 's daddy:Kusou with those kind of powers think of all the things you could do.
Saiki:Keep your dark thoughts to yourself dad.
Saiki's mommy:Ku..is that you? You back?
Saiki's daddy:We'll talk more later.
Saiki:I guess there is one thing in my life that's decidedly unpeaceful.

Saiki's daddy:I can't believe you changes the locks on me again!
Saiki:That would be my parents current relationship.
Saiki's mommy:I hope you're hungry KuKu. I'm making you better pork chops for dinner.
Saiki's daddy:Ignoring, now you're choosing to ignore me besides I told you I wanted to have steak tonight.
Saiki's mommy: I'm sorry I forgot but I can boil you a leather shoe.
Saiki:I wonder when it went wrong for them, it used to be so passionate.
Saiki's mommy:I love you like a fish love water.
Saiki's daddy:Oh you.
Saiki's daddy:I hate for you to become as wide and deep as Pacific Ocean.
Saiki's mommy:I can't you like a fish hate air .
Saiki's daddy:You suck.
Saiki:Well they're still passionate now but it's a little different.



The Disastrous Life of a Psychic (Part 2)



mommy:Gorge yourself guys I made it XXXX
daddy:hey, hey, hey…
mommy:Is it good, Kuu? oh honey would you like something else?
daddy:No because I bet it's just the other shoe,
mommy: XXXX
daddy:that is not even from the same pair!

Saiki:XXXX for a years
daddy:hey Kusou. Use your powers to turn this old shoe into a steak for daddy

Saiki:so in case you forgot this pathetic dudes - my dad Kuniharu Saiki.
he's lazy and irresponsible and asks for help with everything in his life, but surprise surprise, the more I help, the more
useless he gets, so lately I've stopped doing him many favors.

Saiki:so in case you forgot this pathetic dudes - my dad Kuniharu Saiki. he's lazy and irresponsible and asks for help with everything in his life, but surprise surprise, the more I help, the more useless he gets, so lately I've stopped doing him many favors.

daddy:What? How dare you take your mother's side in this XXXX get idea how many shoes i after licking XXXX .

Nothing better than Italian loafers XXXX.

Saiki:So you do like to eat shoes.

Daddy:Alright, I'll eat it, it stinks, what did you do to this shoe, are you trying to…
Saiki:i’m pretty sure that's how they always smell, dumb.

Mommy:Hey Ku. You know just remember what i always said, please don't use your powers for evil.

Saiki:this is my mom, Kurumi Saiki.
Mommy:you must only use your powers to help those in need. or those people who you are certain genuinely nice.
Saiki:she is the big reason why I haven't let my gifts turned me to the dark side. she is caring soul, well, to me.
Mommy:but feel free use your power to hurt your Daddy.
Saiki:she kind of has a dark side herself.

Mommy:Don’t eat Kusuo’s dinner you thieving, son of a bitch. now that work taking the outside.

Saiki:In truth i can break up this fight whenever I feel like it, but this is something they're going to have to work out themselves.
Coffee-flavored jelly? Hmm...Doesn't taste bad.
Earthy with slightly citrus XXXX.
Don't let the name fool you folks, this jelly is a mature dignified treat, better still when you add just a splash of whole milk, it becomes an entirely new flavor sensation, and that hit a decadence everything I ask for in my dessert.

Daddy:you wanted to eat jelly that bad?
Forget the jelly, we got bigger problems. Your mother turned into a monster.
Mommy:Stop running for me.
Daddy:.......my only hope is to stop her reign of terror. Do it ! save the demon.
Mommy:XXXX.
Daddy:what? hey. Kusuo.

Saiki:I've got the weirdest parents, I really don't care about stopping another pointless fight, but I can't help myself.
Mommy:So now you're on your dad side? XXXX.

Saiki:why do I say it's pointless? just wait.

Mommy:and with nothing to do with either of you again.
(That ‘s a lie. Truth is I love them.)

Saiki:No matter how hard they try, the voices in their hearts always bubble up, in other words all these fights they have are a sham.

Daddy:Alright ! Well I hate you both too, so there. Yeah I said it.
(Just kidding you know I love these guys I want to snuggle.)

Saiki:Like I said, another pointless fight.
There is one person here who has real reason to be upset me, those weirdos interrupted my dessert, i guess only a psychic can fix this.

Daddy & Mommy:(love you)
Daddy:wait did you just say you love me?
( is it really possible she loves me back?)
Mommy:what? no, it's you who said it.
(oh no. I thought I just thought that but did I say it? and what does “she loves me back” mean? he loves me?)
Daddy:so you did say it, you just admitted to thinking it out loud.
(is it possible that I love her so much I’ve started hearing things?)

Mommy:He love me so much?
Daddy:huh? she can hear me too?
Mommy:what? yeah...he did say it.
Daddy:not out loud...what?
Daddy & Mommy:Kusuo!

Saiki:Forced shared telepathy.
I use my psychic powers to link their minds at the neural level.
in other words, thanks to me they can now hear each other's talks.

Mommy:Turn it off right now ! XXXX
Daddy:XXXX that I still love her is my worst nightmare.
Daddy:I love you dear.
Mommy:I love you too.
Saiki:cool the end
Daddy:I'm sorry honey.
Mommy:No i sorry.
Saiki:Hey...normal people are complicated, at least now I can finish my dessert in peace.

Mommy:XXXX.
Daddy:You did nothing wrong honey, it was all my fault for giving so angry with you and breaking all the doors and windows in the house.
Mommy:Let’s setting right. The token of our renewal passion. Is it good?
Daddy:It is mature dignified treat delicious.

=

=

The Worst of the Worst! Riki Nendou


Saiki:This is my high school PK Academy , 542 kids walk these hallowed hall. Despite the school relatively small size, no one knows about my power, if they did know all hell would break loose.


back when I was in kindergarten, I was undefeated in rock paper scissors, which shouldn't surprise you, since you know that I can hear people’s thoughts. some kids would cheat, so I just tied them so they never win. in lawless kindergarten all battles are fought with rock paper scissors.


Teacher:Okay, Kusuo let’s play rock paper scissors, if i win you have to show your XXXX with the other students.


Saiki:even against the teacher, I always won, and won, and won. It’s quite a shock. after that she disappeared from the school entirely, I followed up that incident but even more success and it took a while for things to finally died down so I learned it's best to stop using my powers in public, now I only do it when it's absolutely necessary and when I'm sure no one else is looking, and the way I do that is to use my telepathy. within 200 meters I can sense anyone.


Nendou:Guess who?


Saiki:Well that used to be the case, there's one guy my powers always failed a spot.


Nendou:hey there buddy.


Saiki:Riki Nendou. The guy no one likes but he strangely taking a liking to me, that doesn't bother me, what does bother you is the fact that no matter how hard I try I can't read this guy's thoughts, and believe me everyone has thoughts I can read like this guy...or this guy…I can even read the minds of animals when it comes to Nendou, forget it. I finally figured out why that is, Nendou is a moron, you can't read a mind if there's nothing on it, which is kind of scary.

schoolmate:He pass out !

Nendou:Waaa! My pal ! XXXX, are you dead?

Saiki:well he's not a bad person XXXX. I mean I don't think so. okay I take it back easy.


Teacher:what do you think you're doing, take him to the nurse. 

Nendou:what? the nurse? okay right.

Teacher:hey Saiki why don't you go with the two of them, I don't trust nindo to find that.

Saiki:Damn it.

Nendou:Uh-huh is the nurse dead too? that's weird. if so l have to do mouth-to-mouth on you myself.

Saiki:Please, don't.

Takahashi:I don't need mouth-to-mouth you stupid idiot.

Nendou:You better.Well it's like to see.

Takahashi:cross out better, i was faking. Was it worth XXXX i got kissed by you

Nendou:Well, to makes you feel better i'm sad too, you were my first kiss

Saiki:you only making it worse, Nendou.

Takahashi:Now everyone's gonna think they do when i heard love.

Saiki:I absolutely guarantee no one is thinking that.

Takahashi:hey you better not tell anyone my fainting spell was is a fake.
(I can't tell them that's my first kiss right, don't do.)don't tell anyone.


Saiki:don't tell what that you faked being sick or that now I know you shared your first kiss with Nendou. if it's the sick thing, you are too late.

Matsuzaki:I heard it all. So your fainting was a con job?

Takahashi:(Whoa! It's PE teacher Matsuzaki !)that’s not what happen. Sir , it is all he force me to collab so we can skip out of the principal speech and I was harebrained enough to listen.

Matsuzaki:Nendou is that all true?

Nendou:What?

Saiki:I mean this on Nendou isn’t a half bad idea .

Matsuzaki:huh Saiki, What are you doing here? Takahashi, he also part of this?

Takahashi:yeah , sure.

Matsuzaki:That’s it. i want you both to my office.

Saiki:Dragging me into this is a bad idea pal.

Nendou:hold on a sec teach, his fame is real. to eager and say sick, he gots the hair braid.

Saiki:holy crap he's dumb he thinks hair braid is a real thing?

Nendou:what, isn’t that right?

Matsuzaki:...the holy hair, water hair braids. hair braids is a deadly virus that affects the victim to his follow.

Saiki: he's dumb too.

Nendou: let’s take your temperature, see if you have a fever what my mom always does for me.

Takahashi:come on, do you know i don’t have a fever I'm not even sick.

Matsuzaki:ninety two point eight Celsius. Go call the ambulance now !

XXXX

Saiki:Pyrokinesis , my ability to manipulate fire. oops I melted the tip, better hide the evidence.... he saw!!

Nendou:you...have a fever too ?!

Nendou:you could be XXXX

Saiki:like i said, Nendou is a moron.

=

=

Shun Kaidou, AKA The Jet-Black Wings


Kaidou:I'm Shun Kaidou. an 11th grader at PK Academy, at least that's my cover story, in reality a force called black beat swells in my right arm, but they are trying to steal this powers from me and create a new world order. I'm referring to the dark reunion, but with my power I will protect the world, I the Jet-Black Wings.


Saiki:his body's grader eleven but his mind's grader eight.


Classmate X:did you hear a deadly snake escaped from the local zoo.

Classmate X:there's a poisonous snake on the loose?


Kaidou:are you boys sure it escaped? an animal attack is just the kind of plan they’ve come up with, fear not I the Jet-Black Wings, am never fooled by their evil deception, someone must have sent that snake free on purpose.


Classmate X:hang on! you know the guy who did this Kaidou?

Classmate X:some wanna be super villain XXXX.


Kaidou:No, I'm Jet Black Wings the hero, the feelings are a secret organization named Dark Reunion and this escaped snake thing is the first thing in their evil plots sort mankind.


Classmate X:Dark Reunion ? jeez. never heard them.


Kaidou:once again the fate of the world has fallen into our super-powered laps a psycho boy.


Saiki:he doesn't realize I actually do have super powers, this is all just play-acting for him.


Kaidou:Saiki, what's your read? I don't like this one bit. the snakes I've named murder tracker of snake, it's likely no ordinary snake.


Saiki:that's quite a dramatic name

Kaidou:it's also likely that Dark Reunion genetically-engineered murder tracker of snake, specifically to kill people.

Saiki:he fond of saying likely.

Kaidou:we're running out of time here Saiki, the world's counting on us to stop that story


Classmate X:good news they caught the snake.

Classmate X:that's a relief, where did they find it?

Classmate X:at the school’s front the gate, just kind of lay it on the ground half dead.


Kaidou:is it possible Saiki and i aren’t the only student’s that has superpowers?


Classmate X:...why was it half dead?

Classmate X:some first graders have been whipping it around.


Saiki:that's one weak-ass murder snake.


Classmate X:sounds like XXXX Dark Reunion this time.

Classmate X:Be careful what you saying, there an all-powerful secret society.

Classmate X:who knows what Dark Reunion when they sort mankind.


Kaidou:go ahead and laugh, this is a calm before the storm. Dark Reunion is coming, I tried to warn you XXXX.

Saiki:He’s going to the bathroom to cry. well, I better go with him.


Classmate X:...superhero, it's like he's in elementary school, once time he said there's a monster in his arm, XXXX , watch out. there is something in there


Classmate X:SNAKE !


Saiki:I saw that snake coming, you know because I'm psychic. I could help them, but I have to help myself, so i will just stay here until things calm down, speaking of calm down. Speaking of calming down, Kaidou should stay here for a while too. now back to that snake attack…


Classmate X:XXXX


Nendou:what a bunch of ball.

Classmate X:when did you get in here?

Nendou:you guys ball still a XXXX?

Classmate X:worry about yours?

Nendou:might feel weird.

Classmate X:obviously they do, but snakes on your XXXX

Classmate X:Nendou!


Saiki:calm down it didn't bite through the fabric.

voice-over:the power of clairvoyance by crossing his eyes, Kuosou is able to remotely view his location.


Kaidou:everybody get down, I'll take care of this snake.

Classmate X:Kaidou ! what are you doing ?

Kaidou:alright murder tracker snake, time you face me the Jet-Black Wings. Let’s go.

Classmate X:that’s the real pose.

Classmate X:XXXX

Classmate X:So we having a fake superhero fight a real poisonous snake now?


Saiki:Kaidou may look confident right now, but he has no idea what to do.

Kaidou:why did I think I could fight a snake, so stupid. oh no i am screwed. I love you Mommy, take this Judement Light of…

Saiki:sorry Kaidou I'll be handling this part myself.

Kaidou:Thunder!


Saiki:I'm sorry I said you have the body of an 11th grader and the mind of a eighth, you don't have real powers but you certainly have real courage.


Kaidou:i really do have superpowers.


voice-over:thus the great snake attack came to an end .


Teacher:I don't care for this new attitude of yours Kaidou

Kaidou:you better watch what you say teacher, pleasant thing to get blasted with a Judegment Light of Thunder?

Teacher:that's it go to the principal's office.

Saiki:he got more immature, I take back everything I just said.

=

=

Intelligent and Beautiful! Kokomi Teruhashi


hey a pretty girl there's no one better at getting people's attention

Teruhashi:my name is Kokomi Teruhashi, and not to sound arrogant, I'm an example of perfect pretty girl, again I'm not trying to be a jerk, I'm just stating a fact. but the most part I don't make a habit of boasting about my flawless good look.

Stranger:hey you want to go out with me sometime

Teruhashi:if i really a average pretty girl... how about you go to a pig farm and kiss of them.
I'd probably say something like that, but I'm perfect. I'm sorry but I have to study for a test tonight.


Stranger:oh good luck


Teruhashi:so not only am i beautiful on the outside, i am beautiful on the inside, and you know what that means right? it means I'm invincible.

that guy is in my class, what his name? Sega? Sato? Saiki ! Kunio Saiki, oh you look so alone, poor thing, i should go say hi and brighten his day.remember I'm not just pretty on the outside I'm also perfectly pretty on the inside.


Saiki, hi, I couldn’t help but notice you look sad.


perfect, now he has a memory of me to cherish of his rest life, not only did you get to be seen talking to the prettiest girl in school while out in public, she is the one who's rushed over to you, I bet you've fallen in love, that's okay, even though we are on separate social levels, it's a natural response to my beauty, how else so you supposed to react to perfection.


that’s it ?! you supposed to panic XXXX touching me. oh i get it, he’s uncomfortable showing his emotions in public, that's the only way to explain - non reaction. XXXX about me. okay that shy guy, i give you another chance because I'm not just beautiful, I'm nice, I'm the perfect pretty girl.


Saiki ! so you’re XXXX ignore girl?


He don’t even stop? WOW, WOW, am i invisible? am i dead? oh I know. he’s so used to being alone and miserable, he's probably convinced himself that any pretty girl who talk to him are just illusions. WOW, I'm gonna have to prove to him I really give the happiest day of his life.


Saiki don’t leave me alone !


He dodged? XXXX illusion, why would him just XXXX around me? it’s possible that he's so in love even touching my illusion would be too much. it’s very flattering to know that i mean so much to this poor pathetic boy .


Saiki:oh brother, why does this chick from school keep following.

Teruhashi:Saiki ! Hi !

Saiki:here she comes, the one things this arrogant girl won’t consider is that i’m ignoring her. though to be fair, i was the kind of guy she thinks i am. “ Oh wow ! it’s Teruhashi ! “ i probably would be just like that… Nendou, too. “ Wow, it’s Teruhashi ! “ she is very pretty in fact everything Teruhashi thinks about herself is actually true. that’s what makes her so dangerous, she really does attract attention, and because i don’t like attention, i don’t want her around me.


Teruhashi:do you mind if i tag along with you, i promise it would be fun Saiki.


Saiki:Nendou ! this is bad, she thinks I think she's fake but if he acknowledges her, I have no choice but to acknowledge her too, I'll be checkmated by social convention. “oh wow I didn't know you were there” simply can't let that happen, I'll disappear into the crowd, he didn't see me, that was a XXXX.


Nendou:I could swear I just saw my best friend.


Teruhashi:ah? oh no, where did Saiki go? what’s going on?


Saiki:see? i accidentally teleported, the people around me didn't seem to notice my vanishing but of course Teruhashi knows something is off . well maybe it's best if you think I was the illusion.


Teruhashi:Nendou ?

Nendou:oh wow, hey there Teruhashi.

Teruhashi:do you know where is Saiki XXXX?

Nendou:what? buddy? no . i haven’t seen him.


Teruhashi:it’s like he disappear. is it possible he's a figment of my imagination? "there's so much in love with me that you see illusion of me." Oh my gosh! No! It can’t be! Don't tell me that I'm… What are these feeling coming over me,I think I'm falling in love...oh Saiki?!


Saiki:Oh wow, Teruhashi.