Ghost in the Shell S.A.C. 2nd GIG > Ex. Tachikomatic Days

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#01

Tachikoma: Comrades!
It's sudden news, but they've decided to make a sequel to Tachikomatic Days!

Tachikomas: Huh?

Tachikoma: Sequel? What're you talking about?

Tachikoma: Yeah, that's right.
They announced that they were gonna go with "CEO Jameson Strikes Back".

Tachikoma: I hear you, friend.
Geez, what a pain.

Tachikoma: Silly Tachikoma!
Who would wanna see anything other than us in action? I mean, come on!

Tachikoma: Do you even have any stories to share?

Tachikoma: You brought it up, you do the work.

Tachikoma: Um, well, that’s where I wanna start.
I'd like to build a story with you guys right now.

Tachikoma: Oh, I wish they'd shut up...

Tachikoma: Nobody xxx xxx nothing go on. (distant voice)

Tachikoma: No one xxx.

Tachikoma: What? But for us, it's all for one, one for all!

Tachikoma: Huh? ...Gweegh!!


#02

Tachikoma: Huh?

Tachikoma: What the?

Tachikoma: What happened just now?

Tachikoma: We didn't fall asleep, did we?

Tachikomas: Nah, couldn't have.

Tachikoma: Which means that...
Wait, don't tell me that that one...

Tachikoma: Maybe we should put some distance between us [and it].

Tachikoma: Yeah.

Tachikoma: Ah!? I- I stepped on something!

Tachikoma: Hey, stop! Don't move!

Tachikoma: What is this thing? Some kind of switch?

Tachikoma: "Reset the World"?

Tachikomas: What's that mean?
Ah, what was that!?
Huh?
Aaagh!


#03

Tachikoma: I'm back!
Geez, what’re they doing, hanging around in here with the light off?

Tachikoma: All together now!

Tachikomas: One two three!
The Major's bountiful bust and hips!
Bust and hips!
Bust and hips!


#04

Tachikoma: Gee, being a decoy sure is tough work.

Tachikoma: I really wanted to fire my main gun.

Tachikoma: A grenade would've been useless with its low initial velocity.

Tachikomas: Phew...

Tachikoma: Foolish Tachikomas!
We're tanks! Tanks!
What about that!? Why don't you dummies understand!?
I mean, what's the big idea that cutting loose with your main guns the way a tank should!?

Tachikoma: We've never hit the target.

Tachikoma: Wouldn't have had any effect.

Tachikoma: Yeah, what's the point?

Tachikoma: Silence! xxx tanks are far superior to advanced weaponry!

Tachikoma: Even so, the muzzle energy needed for something like that has got to be enormous.

Tachikoma: Come on, we don't have space for barrel reinforcement devices.

Tachikoma: We can’t boost the maximum pressurization limit?

Tachikoma: No way, not without an effective blocker mechanism.

Tachikoma: In that case, I guess we could always use shaped fragmentation shells.

Tachikoma: We’d probably be better off firing armor piercing rounds!

Tachikomas: Yeah!

Aaah!


#05

Tachikoma: I guess he gave us the slip.

Tachikoma: Yeah.

Tachikoma: Hey there, you two!
Now, this is what I call what pathetic sight!
Don't you feel ashamed and embarrassed as AI's, letting a full-body cyborg like that get away from you?
You need a lesson in how to fight a humanoid opponent, so watch closely, and I'm gonna show you how it's done!
Click it.

Ring announcement: Ready... Fight!

Tachikomas: You can do it! You can do it!/ Go for it! Go for it!

Tachikoma: Wait a minute! When I said "humanoid," this isn't at all what I meant!
I-I wanna request something that's human-sized!

Tachikoma: It's starting! Good luck! Remember, you got what it takes!

Tachikoma: There comes a time when an AI's gotta fight, even though he knows he's gonna die...
I think...
Aah! Forget this! Aaaagh!

Tachikoma: Get back in there!
Don't forget your tank warrior spirit!


#06

Tachikoma: How could I possibly beat something that three of us together barely managed to take down?

Tachikoma: Huh? Looks like round 2 is starting.

Tachikoma: Wow!

Tachikoma: Round 2!?
That's strange. I'm crying for some reason... Wow!

Ring announcement: Ready... Fight!

Tachikoma: No... Help me!
Hey? The iron giant isn't moving!
Don't scare me like... Gaagh! He is moving!


#07

Tachikoma: Now, then. I'd like to talk about the amphibious mer-Tachikoma that played such a major role in the offense against the Individual 11!

Tachikoma: Huh? You mean there was one of those?

Tachikoma: And away we go!
Instead of tires, propellers are now attached.
Therefore, our top speed depends on how much effort we put into it.

Tachikoma: Propellers? But it doesn't have a rudder.

Tachikoma: And in addition to the usual weapons, two torpedo launch tubes have been added.

Tachikoma: Wait a second. Doesn’t our oil go in those?

Tachikoma: Terrorists won't stand a chance against these.

Tachikoma: We won't be able to walk straight on those propellers, so they'd be useless on land!

Tachikoma: Hey, it's half Tachikoma and half fish, it's expected that it can only move halfway decently on land and in the water.

Tachikoma: This one’s hopeless...


#08

Tachikoma: Comrades! These times we live in could be best described as an age of food!
Which leads in to our topic for today, Machine Oil.
Let's use our keen sensors to guess which is Mr. Batou's natural oil!

Tachikomas: Yay!

Tachikoma: Guess correctly, and the lucky winner will get a year's supply of oil!

Tachikomas: Wow!

Tachikoma: Guess incorrectly, and there will be a penalty, of course.

Tachikomas: Awww!

Tachikoma: Here goes Tachikoma No. 1!
Gulp, gulp! Gulp! Gulp! Gulp! Gulp! Uh...
Mr. Batou's natural oil is... this one! ...Augh!

Tachikomas: Aww!

Tachikoma: He's so scary! Aaaagh!


#09

Tachikoma: Wha--!?

Tachikoma: It's CEO Jameson!

Tachikomas: And he's here to strike back!


Tachikoma: Bonk.


#10

Tachikoma: Wha--!?

Tachikoma: CEO Jameson!?

Tachikomas: He's back again!?

Bonk.


#11

Tachikoma: Comrades!
At long last, I, too, am now able to exert the full force of our new power!
The power of the Agent!
Observe!

Tachikomas: Ooh!

Tachikoma: And now, behold!
Behold the special power of the Agent!
Reset! The! World!

Tachikomas: Wow!


#12

Tachikoma: Ooh, it feels like I blacked out for a second.
Maybe I'm just imagining things.

Tachikoma: Hurry, show us that finishing move of yours!

Tachikoma: What kind of trick is it?

Tachikoma: He claims that it freezes time for us!

Tachikoma: No way.

Tachikoma: There you go, spouting that garbage again.

Tachikoma: Come on. Admit it, you can't do anything!

Tachikoma: He says that he's already stopped time once, but he is willing to do it again!

Tachikomas: Yay!

Tachikoma: Reset! The! World!

Tachikomas: Ohhh... Ah!


#13

Tachikoma: Grrr!

Tachikoma: Ah! That one's infected with a virus!

Tachikoma: Let's get out of here!
If it gets inside his Agent's firing range, we'll catch it!

Tachikoma: We ought to be far enough away by now.

Tachikoma: Yeah! ...Ah!

Tachikoma: What's the matter?

Tachikoma: Ahh!

Tachikoma: Ahhhh!


#14

Tachikoma: I-I know how to fight, if that's what they want! Hm?

Tachikoma: Grrr!

Tachikoma: Why, you little...!
Huh! I've practiced a special move for just such an occasion!
Behold! Finishing Move Rolling Thunder!
I'm getting dizzy! Ah! Oooh!
Oh, man... I worked so hard on that intro...


#15

Tachikoma: Okay, this time out, I'd like for us AI's to lend a helping hand to Mr. Togusa, because he's such a lousy shot!

Tachikomas: Woo-hoo!

Tachikoma: It works like this.
We'll make use of an agent’s ballistics program and incorperate our precise fire-control software into the shells that Mr. Togusa fires.
What do you think of this accuracy rate?
If he let us handle things, becoming a super-class A sniper wouldn't be out of his reach.

Tachikomas: Mm-hm, mm-hm.

Tachikoma: Without further ado, I'll show you how it's done.

Tachikomas: Huh? How it's done?

Tachikoma: Okay, let me demonstrate.

Tachikoma: Um, don't you think that target is a little large?

Tachikoma: That one's hopeless.


#16

Tachikoma: This time I’ll definitely give you a textbook example of target shooting!
Direct your attention there.

Tachikoma: Oh, it's a target. And the CEO.

Tachikoma: All about the thrills and suspense!

Tachikoma: You could just show us how it's done normally, you know.

Tachikoma: Okay, here goes Tachikomas!
Transform!

Tachikoma: Huh? Are you sure the textbook wasn't a horror novel?
Transform!

Tachikoma: Huh? Did you transform?

Tachikoma: It's not working.

Tachikomas: Transform!/ Transform!

Tachikoma: Watch this, you scum! Weapon!

Tachikoma: Aaaaaagh!

Tachikoma: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Hey you, halfwits? Did you see that?

Tachikoma: Oh, boy. Ahh!

Tachikoma: Ha-ha-ha...


#17

Tachikoma: Hey, check this out, everybody! Look and be amazed!
Believe it or not, the Major sent us a souvenir!

Tachikomas: Hmm...

Tachikoma: What's wrong? Don't you want any?

Tachikoma: It's just lying 'cause it wants attention.

Tachikoma: We're not falling for it.

Tachikoma: How irritating! I'm not lying, darn it!
Look, don't come begging for some later 'cause I'm not gonna give you any! Hmph!
Down the hatch it goes!
Hmm... Huh!?

Tachikomas: Hm?/ Huh?


#18

Tachikoma: ZZZ...

Tachikoma: Hey! Mr. Batou sent us some souvenirs!

Tachikomas: Really? What are they?

Tachikoma: Ta-dah! Premium German oil!

Tachikoma: Yay! Ya-hoo!

Tachikoma: Yippee! That's exactly what we've been waiting for!

Tachikoma: Huh? What's that one doing up there?

Tachikoma: ZZZ... ZZZ...

Tachikoma: Hmm...

Tachikoma: Oh, well. That means there's more for us.

Tachikoma: That's right.

Tachikomas: Cheers!
Gulp-gulp-gulp-gulp... Uh...


Tachikoma: Hic! Hey...

Tachikoma: Huh?

Tachikoma: My head, hic!...

Tachikoma: What?

Tachikoma: ...feels kinda light all of a sudden like I don't have a brain!

Tachikoma: What's going on here? Why are you clowns drunk?
Hm? Hmmm...
Hey, this is beer! This one is oil.
Mm-mm-mm. Mr. Batou, what were you thinking, buying liquor like this. You rascal. You...


#19

Tachikoma: This evening, what will echo through the night sky of Etorofu?
Cries of joy, or moans of shame?
We all are about to be treated to another grand fighting spectacle tonight here in this square ring carved out of the infinite reaches of cyberspace!
Will the world that spread out before the Tachikoma be the pure land of ultimate bliss or the hell of pandemonium?
What will be the outcome of this final showdown with the Arm Suit?
Even if you aren't one of the 120 million devoted Tachikoma fans, you'll get goosebumps just by thinking about it!


#20

Tachikoma: It's a miracle that these two fighters are still on their feet!
Can they even see each other's opponent?

Tachikoma: Uh?

Tachikoma: The Tachikoma is using his wires to leap above the Arm Suit!
And there it is! A brilliantly executed Tachi Spin Driver!
The Arm Suit has no way to fight his way out of this one!
Wait! What's this? Is he at the end of his rope?
Now, what!? Both fighters have collapsed to the mat pathetically at a time when they should be showing us what they're really made of!
Neither fighter is getting to its feet!
I realize that this is terrible timing, but it's time for us to sign off, everyone!
A dismal pall hangs over us here in cyberspace!
This has been Tachikoma, your color commentator for today!
We are so sorry to have to leave you [at this best of all possible times.]


#21

Tachikoma: I'd like to talk about the amphibious Tachikoma Mark 2 that played such a major role against the camouflaged ship.

Tachikoma: Geez, if we do the same gag twice, we either are gonna look like hotshots or come off with idiots!

Tachikoma: We estimate the Mark 2!
Ta-dah! Finally equipped with ultra high-speed propellers.

Tachikoma: It looks the same as the last time.

Tachikoma: How much faster this makes them is gonna dependent on us.

Tachikoma: But you know they can't be "ultra" high-speed!

Tachikoma: Now a vulcan cannon combined with the torpedoes upgrades their firepower.
This will let them turn that camouflaged ship into Swiss cheese.

Tachikoma: Excuse me, but don't you mean, turn itself into Swiss cheese?

Tachikoma: Well, it's a Mark 2, so it's only natural that it should be twice as useless, right?

Tachikoma: You mean to say that’s all there is?!


#22

Tachikoma: I'd now like take this opportunity to introduce the Tachikoma that helped Borma defuse the bomb.

Tachikoma: Aww! I bet he could see inside the bomb using X-rays or something! Geez, what’s the big deal!

Tachikoma: For your information, this latest Tachikoma model is packed full of 23 secrets!

Tachikoma: 23? That many?

Tachikoma: Let's see... Has 6 wire launchers along with 4 eyeball sensors.

Tachikoma: Hey, we have all of those!

Tachikoma: Well, any bullet bounces off of it, too, and it recovers immediately when it breaks down.

Tachikoma: You're so full of it!

Tachikoma: In that case, "Can We Have a Dream of Uncle Kumagoro?" will be promised the lead role in the Tachikomatic Days Special. Woo-hoo!

Tachikoma: Wait a minute. What do you mean, "special"?

Tachikoma: Oh, did I say that?

Tachikoma: You did!

Tachikoma: Are you sure you weren't implanted with virtual memories?

Tachikoma: Will there be one or not!? Spill it!

Tachikoma: Take care, everybody!

Tachikoma: Don't try to spin the issue! Waah!


#23

Tachikoma: What're you guys doing?

Tachikoma: Training!

Tachikoma: What for?

Tachikoma: Yeah, the auditions for the Tachikomatic Days Special, of course.

Tachikoma: No! Then, you mean the rumors were true?

Tachikoma: Yep! You got started too late.
The competition for the lead role is already well underway.

Tachikoma: I'm gonna get the lead.

Tachikomas: I will. I will/ No, I'm gonna get it!/I've been chatting there. Me! Me! Me!

Tachikoma: Sorry to keep you waiting, guys.
I have the preview for the special right here.

Tachikomas: You've got what!?

Tachikoma: It's being directed by the CEO.

Tachikoma: So, who's gonna star in it, then?

Tachikoma: That one.

Tachikomas: Huh!?
You're kidding!/ Why's sure it gonna be him?!

Tachikoma: For one thing, none of you guys went to Etorofu.
Anyway, let's pop it in and take a look!


#24

Tachikoma (narr.): By absorbing lost packets on the network, a Tachikoma undergoes a metamorphosis and becomes the even more vivid Tachiko-Man!

Tachikoma: ZZZ... Huh!?
I hear people... They're calling to me...
Haw! Super strings!


#25

Tachikomas: Uhh...

Tachikoma: That one was full of it before, but now its ego is out of control.

Tachikoma: The whole thing may be going downhill.

Tachikoma: Maybe it's ‘cause he hardly gets any lines.

Tachikomas: Huh?

Tachikoma: Ha-ha-ha-ha-hah!
Did ya really think? It's gonna be a hit!
Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Tachikoma: Ah! Put a sock in it, you no-talent hack!

Tachikoma: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Oh?
See you next time [again]!

Tachikoma: That's why I can't stand that one!

Tachikoma: Really bad impressions.

Tachikoma: True, but doing parodies could help our ratings.

Tachikoma: Yeah, if we just made a few changes, it would work.

Tachikoma: Uh-huh.

Tachikoma: Listen, you!

Tachikomas: Ahh!?/ We could have reached out to each other! I can see time itself!

Tachikoma: Everybody’s a comedian!
Needless to say, that one out here, too!

Tachikoma: Tachiko-Man, Tachiko-Man. Tachiko-Man, Tachiko-Man...

Tachikoma: Ah-ha-ha-ha!
This is what happens when you have no original ideas! Huh?
Hey, there's no one left, I zapped all of them.
I guess you can say they were all fall guys.
Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha.....


#26

Tachikoma: Hm? Where am I?
Can it be? Am I back in Tachikoma Paradise?
But if I am, then everybody else should be here, too, shouldn't they?
Am I the only one in this place?
Huh? Uh-oh, it's not there! No way! I don't have a halo!
Thank goodness...
Well, I guess it can only mean I didn’t end up in Paradise after all, but...
I wonder why the rest of ‘em aren't here?
Maybe I was the only one who survived, and the others all went to Paradise. Oh, that could be what had happened.
Oh, well. This way, I can hog all Mr. Batou's affection for myself.
I don't consider that such a bad thing.
Doh! Oh...
Hello. Who are you?
Huh? Are those... cherry blossoms?


I'm a Tachikoma.