Haruhi: We're moving on to the next scene. In this one, Yuki, I want you to use your magic to zap the heck out of Mikuru.
Kyon: Your answer should be "no"! There's absolutely no way I'd let you hurt Miss Asahina with your powers. Look at her, she's so terrified, she's turning blue and shaking like crazy.
Haruhi: Oh well. I guess we'll have to use CG effects in this scene. Hey, Kyon, don't forget to make a couple of beams come out of Yuki's wand, okay?
Kyon: How am I supposed to know how to make a visual effect like that?
Haruhi: Okay, Mikuru. I want you to scream and then fall down like you're in pain.
Mikuru: Ahh. Ahh.
Haruhi: Hmm... We need a scene with pigeons.
Kyon: What?
Haruhi: There's a shrine nearby. We're going there next. I wanna shoot Mikuru walking heroically as pigeons fly all around her. It would be so awesome if the pigeons were all white, but I guess it doesn't matter what color they are.
Kyon: Can't you read Japanese? What am I supposed to be shooting?
Haruhi: Kyon, that's the shot! Hurry up! Roll the camera! Don't just sit there! Look heroic!
Shinto Priest:
Hey! What do you think you're doing!
Haruhi: Yah!
Kyon: Uh-oh!
Haruhi: Retreat!
Haruhi: Oh, Mikuru. You don't eat much, do you? You'll never get any bigger if you don't eat more. If your boobs are the only things growing, you'll only appeal to a small fan base. You need to get taller.
Kyon: She'll grow up, all right. I don't know how many years it will take, but Miss Asahina is gonna grow up to have a face and body so fine. She could be a contender for the Miss Universe pageant. But I doubt she knows that yet.
Hey, Haruhi, what are you gonna do if that priest decides to file a complaint with our school? Koizumi is wearing his uniform today, and that's pretty much a dead giveaway.
Haruhi: I don't worry. It's gonna be okay. Besides, jackets like that are common. If the priest says something, we'll just play dumb.
Kyon: Once we show this movie to everyone, our cover's gonna be blown. I mean, I seriously doubt there're that many waitresses coming out to the shrine just they can run around with the pigeons.
Anyway, what's next? Where are we shooting?
Haruhi: I'm thinking we go back to the park and shoot some more. I just realized that we didn't get enough footage for the fight scene. I wanna get Mikuru running for her life through the forest with Yuki chasing her. Then, we could have Mikuru fall off a cliff, but Koizumi just happens to be walking by and saves her at the last minute.
Kyon: What a slapdash way to come up with the story. Wait, what if she really does make Miss Asahina fall off a cliff? You should fall off instead. Why don't you wear her costume and be her stunt double? You're not as busty as Miss Asahina, but still...
Haruhi: Hey, what are you thinking about? If you think I'm gonna put on her waitress outfit, you've got another thing coming.
Kyon: She's a mind reader?
Koizumi: Is anyone else going to be in the movie, or just the three of us?
Kyon: Don't ask stupid questions.
Haruhi: You've got a point. Three characters might not be enough. Thanks for the heads-up, Koizumi. I almost miss that one. You just got more screen time.
Koizumi: Oh, wow. Thank you.
Kyon: Serves you right. He goes stirring up a hornet's nest. You get what you deserve. Notice, I didn't say anything.
Haruhi: Before the boss can be defeated, the good guys have to beat up a bunch of minions first. A minion's gonna work, though?
Kyon: Minions are good.
Haruhi: I know, right?
Kyon: Taniguchi and Kunikida. The perfect supporting characters, ultimate minions.
Haruhi: A lot of bad stuff has to happen to Mikuru in this movie. After all, the theme of the story depends on how hard she suffers. She has to overcome horrible odds before she can have a happy ending. And the more we can make Mikuru suffer in the movie, the bigger the payoff is gonna be in the end.
Kyon: What's with that look she just gave me? Does she really think I'm gonna let this happen to her?
Kyon: Later, we returned to the park in the woods for more fun.
Haruhi: We're not gonna use the guns in the next scene. I was hoping for something cooler and flashier, but ours don't shoot smoke or flames. They're just not realistic enough. Mikuru, you stand here. Yuki, you're over here. Don't move from your marks. I wanna shoot you guys staring each other down, okay? Grab the reflector board, Koizumi. And action!
Kyon: What the!? Action? All you did was telling them to stand there. What kind of action were you expecting out of them anyway?
Haruhi: Oh, come on! You call this a battle scene?
Kyon: What do you expect? They're just standing there.
Haruhi: What is your problem? Just because you're cute doesn't mean you have the right to slack off, you know. There are lots of other girls who are just as cute who'd kill for your spot. If you don't get with the program, you're gonna be left in the dust by someone even younger and cuter!
Kyon: What's she talking about?
Haruhi: Do something, Mikuru! At least try shooting a beam out of your eye.
Mikuru: I can't do that!
Haruhi: That's the whole point of your left eye being a different color. I didn't just make it blue for no reason. There's incredible power hidden inside that eye. That's what the beam's all about. It's the Mikuru Beam. So start firing in it!
Mikuru: I can't!
Haruhi: Get into it, fire it!
Mikuru: I can't fire it!
Kyon: You idiot! Hey! Cut it out!
Haruhi: What are you doing!
Kyon: I said, cut it out!
Haruhi: Let go!
Kyon: Stop! Calm down! What, are you crazy? People can't fire beams from their eyes.
Haruhi: Humph! I know that. All I was trying to do was get her to act like she could really shoot a beam. It's hard to believe she's the hero when she's not that into it. You never get it when I'm joking around.
Kyon: That's because your jokes never turn out to be jokes. What if Miss Asahina actually does shoot a beam out of her eye, what happens then, huh? You can't, can you?
Koizumi: If I might make a suggestion, maybe after we shoot the scene, we can figure out the CG part.
Mikuru: Thank you.
Kyon: And who's gonna do that?
Haruhi: That's what I was gonna do anyway. I didn't like that last take. So we're gonna do it again. When you strike this pose, you're gonna shout, "Mikuru Beam!"
Mikuru: Uh... is this right?
Haruhi: No, it's like this. And you gotta shut your right eye like this. Okay, Mikuru. Go for it.
Mikuru: Mi-Mi-Mikuru Beam...
Haruhi: Ah! You gotta do it louder than that!
Mikuru: Mikuru Beam!
Haruhi: Don't be shy. Louder!
Mikuru: Mi-Mi-Mikuru Beam!
Haruhi: Project from your diaphragm!
Kyon: The stars from the families watching us are starting to hurt.
Haruhi: Okay, good! Let's do this for real! Unleash the beam!
Mikuru: Mi-Mi-Mikuru Beam!
Kyon: What!?
Haruhi: What's up, Yuki? How did you end up back there? You were at your mark.
Wait! Stop! Cut!
Mikuru: Miss Nagato!
Haruhi: What are you doing, Yuki? Stop!
Kyon: Nagato, what are you doing!?
Haruhi: That's not in the script!
Kyon: Come on! Get off her! Are you all right? Huh?
Haruhi: Uh, what do you guys think you're doing? If it's not in the script, then knock it off. Huh? Mikuru, what happened to the contact lens?
Mikuru: Huh? It's not there?
Kyon: At times like this, you ask the person who looks like they know what's going on.
Nagato, do you know what happened to the contact Miss Asahina was wearing?
Yuki: I do not.
Kyon: Liar.
Haruhi: Maybe it fell out when you two were struggling. Oh, it's gotta be around here somewhere?
Kyon: You could at least help us look.
Koizumi: It's all right, it could been blown away by the wind. That's what I think.
Haruhi: What happened? Did it break? That's weird. It must've been cheap. Hm. Oh well, it's the Photo Club's equipment, so go figure. Just tape up the back, Koizumi. That should fix it for now.
Koizumi: You got it.
Haruhi: If you don't have the contact lens, then the shots aren't going to match up. What do we do now? I've got an idea! We could have her eye color change right after she transforms!
Mikuru: T-Transform?
Haruhi: Of course! It's not realistic if you're always in the same costume. You need an alter ego.
Kyon: There's something unreal about people who want realism in their fiction.
Mikuru: I think that's a wonderful idea. I'd really like to wear some normal clothes for a change.
Haruhi: That's what we do: when you're in normal mode, you wear the bunny girl outfit.
Mikuru: What!? W-W-W-Why!?
Haruhi: Well, because that's the only other outfit I brought along. Besides, if you wore your normal clothes, it wouldn't look as cool on the big screen.
Mikuru: I...
Haruhi: Wait! Hold that thought, I just got another idea. Mikuru's alter ego is a bunny girl who's got a job at the mall, getting customers to come in and shop at the stores. And she only transforms when she senses danger. That's when she changes into a battling waitress. What do you think? Pretty cool, huh?
Kyon: What about the realism you were talking about before?
Haruhi: Come on, let's go.
Kyon: Your efforts are appreciated.
Okay, you wanna explain the deal with all the ad-libbing?
Yuki: Here.
Kyon: So you were the one who took it.
Yuki: A laser.
Kyon: Hey, Nagato. Your explanations tend to be a bit short. Do you think you could try maybe talking for at least, I don't know... ten seconds?
Yuki: It's a narrow spatially coherent beam of light invisible to the eye.
Kyon: Got it. A narrow spatially coherent beam-y... thing-y... Sorry, I'm even more confused now.
A laser?
Yuki: Yes.
Koizumi: Well, that's unexpected. May I? There's nothing unusual about this contact lens.
Kyon: What are you looking for?
Koizumi: Would you please show me the palm of your right hand?
Kyon: Huh?
Koizumi: Sorry, I didn't mean you. I meant Miss Nagato.
Yuki: It broke through my shield.
Kyon: You act like it's no big deal. Just looking at it hurts.
Yuki: It was strong. I had to act fast.
Koizumi: Did the laser beam that damaged your hand come from Miss Asahina's left eye?
Yuki: Yes.
Kyon: "Yes"? That's it?
Yuki: It will repair itself.
Kyon: You gotta be kidding! Miss Asahina was just shooting particle beams out of her eye?
Yuki: It wasn't a particle beam. Cohesive beam.
Kyon: Laser, maser, marker-light FAHP, whatever! They're all the same to us normals.
The thing I'm having trouble with is that she has the ability to fire off heat rays.
Yuki: It's not a heat ray. Photon laser.
Kyon: Again, we don't need to get all scientific about it.
Koizumi: Do you think Miss Asahina’s always had the power to do something like this?
Yuki: No. Currently, Mikuru Asahina is a normal human being. She is no different from anyone else.
Koizumi: Could there be some sort of tiny mechanism inside?
Yuki: It is a simple cosmetic accessory.
Koizumi: This is amazing.
Kyon: If Nagato hadn't stepped out when she did and blocked the laser beam Miss Asahina shot at us, it would've gone right through the camera lens, then it would've gone through my eye, cooked some stuff, and then come out the back of my head. Not a pretty picture.
Koizumi: Miss Suzumiya was the one who caused it. She wanted to have a Mikuru Beam in her movie, so reality changed and provided one for her. Very interesting.
Kyon: Wait a second. Nobody cast a magic spell on that contact lens. So, even if Haruhi wished for it, how could a killer beam come out of it?
Koizumi: That's easy. Miss Suzumiya doesn't need magic spells or strange technology. All she has to do is believe something exists, and it will.
Kyon: Yeah, but she wouldn't really expect a beam to come shooting out of her eye.
Koizumi: Yes, that's true. Miss Suzumiya has enough common sense, no fact from fiction. However, it's also true that the common sense of this world doesn't really apply to her. Today's incident is most likely the result of the phenomenon of some sort. I think that... Uh-oh, she's on her way back now. We'll have to continue this discussion a little later...
Haruhi: Would you stop complaining, geez? Act like an actress! To get on the fast track to the blue ribbon award, you can't be so shy about stripping! Sorry to keep you guys waiting.
Kyon: Zoom in! Confirmation obtained. It's the real Miss Asahina.
Haruhi: What are you doing? You're not supposed to be shooting anything unless I tell you.
Kyon: Yeah, I know. I didn't press the record button. I was just focusing the camera.
Haruhi: Okay, okay, everyone! Listen up now! Let's make this happen!
Kyon: I shot footage that was supposed to be "Day in a life of Mikuru Asahina" stuff, but I'm still not sure what kind of life she's supposed to have. And after making poor Miss Asahina run this way and that...
Haruhi: Hmm... I'm not feeling a whole mountain in the background thing. We're gonna go in the town!
Kyon: Oh, geez. So, Miss Asahina wore her bunny girl outfit until the sun went down. In fact, all she ever did that day was walk around in her costume, not that I'm complaining. Asking for "permission to film" was a foreign concept to Haruhi. In her mind, she was "free" to shoot wherever and whatever she wanted. Then, her notion of what "free" actually was was similar to the domination of the papacy during the age of Pope Innocent III or something. She doesn't get what "free" means.
Haruhi: Hmm. Yeah, that's good for today.
Kyon: That was a long day. But tomorrow's Sunday, so I get to chill out.
Haruhi: Okay, see you tomorrow. You know the drill, same place, same time, same everything.
Kyon: She said like it's no big deal. I hope she gives us time to change our clothes.
Haruhi: What was that? We're on a tight schedule. We can't take it easy for even a second! You're gonna have plenty of time to kick back once the art festival is over. Consider your calendar's booked until we get this thing finished! Here. We're gonna do our best to make this movie awesome. Actually, since I'm the one directing it, this movie's awesome. This is practically guaranteed! Everything else depends on how hard you guys work. Make sure you're on time tomorrow. If anyone shows up late, I'm gonna bust some heads!
Koizumi: Don't worry, I'll take care of telling Miss Asahina, okay?
Kyon: Now what are you talking about?
Koizumi: The laser, of course. Beams won't shoot out of her eye if she doesn't change the color. On second thought, perhaps we should take further precautions against it. I'm sure she'll cooperate with us. After all, beams are dangerous things.
Kyon: Oh, man. Nagato keeps jumping in and saving my life.
Taniguchi: You totally lied! What's the deal, Kyon? Where's Miss Asahina, huh? The only reason I came is 'cause you said she was gonna be here. I don't see her, do you? I want my eye candy, bro? Where is she?
Haruhi: What are you talking about? You're the hero in this thing! Thirty percent of this picture's success is riding on you and that bunny tail! Oh, the other seventy percent is on my genius, yeah, whatever!
Taniguchi: Yeah, all I'm seeing is Suzumiya's angry face. It's a scam, man!? What the hell!?
Kyon: Then, stare at Nagato, just die already.
Kunikida: I kinda think that costume looks pretty cool on Miss Nagato.
Tsuruya-san: Hey, Kyon! So what's up with Mikuru?
Kyon: Looks like Miss Tsuruya's been tricked into being an extra, too.
Haruhi: How dare you expect me to ever finish this thing! And you can't put the brakes on it!
Tsuruya-san: What are we supposed to be doing today, huh? I was told to show up if I wasn't doing anything. Hey, so what's that say on Miss Suzumiya's armband? Ooh! What's the video camera for? Hey, what's up with Yuki's crazy outfit? Koizumi's looking super hot today. Wow!
Kyon: What a spaz.
Haruhi: What did you just say? Your stomach hurts? Idiot! Seriously, what are you, still in junior high school or something!? You've got thirty seconds to get over here.
Kyon: Miss Asahina appears to be suffering from a sudden bout of shut-in syndrome.
Haruhi: Oh, well! I'm gonna have to go get her. Where is that bag?
Koizumi: I think I can understand Miss Asahina's apprehension. It looks like she might actually become a real-life version of the transforming heroine she plays. A laser beam shooting out of her eye is a bit much, though. Anyway, not to worry. It's safe to say we won't have to do with any strange beams again.
Kyon: And why is that? Uh...?
Koizumi: Miss Nagato gave us a hand with it.
Kyon: What did you guys do to Miss Asahina?
Koizumi: She neutralized the laser beam. I'm not sure how, though. Unlike some of the other TFEIs terminals out there, Miss Nagato isn't very talkative.
Kyon: Okay, what's a TFEI?
Koizumi: Just an acronym my organization assigned to them. Its meaning isn't anything important, though. But as far as Miss Nagato's concerned, I have to admit she's the most unusual, compared to the other TFEIs, that is.
Taniguchi: Anyway, it was pretty dark that night, I was on the way home from the store, and I passed this taxi parked by the curve.
Kunikida: Oh, yeah.
Taniguchi: So, I'm looking at it, and you know the light that tells you if it's "available" or not? I could've sworn it said "love".
Kunikida: You don't see that everyday.
Taniguchi: Before I could take a closer look at that thing, it drove away. So I'm standing there, right? Then I realized that sign didn't say "love," love's what's missing from my life.
Kunikida: Well, you never know. Maybe the sign really did say "love". Maybe it was a private taxi.
Kyon: I never thought we'd have to rely on these two Einsteins. Unbelievable.
Haruhi: Pretending to be sick, you have to be ashamed of yourself! You're shooting today. Period!
Tsuruya-san: Heya, Mikuru! Wow, you're looking super sexy in her dress!
Mikuru: I'm sorry I'm so late.
Kyon: Oh, that's okay. I don't mind.
Tsuruya-san: Heya, Miss Suzumiya!
Mikuru: Sorry about yesterday. I don't know what happened I just started firing lasers all over the place.
Kyon: Oh, don't worry. You didn't hit me or anything. Hm?
Mikuru: I was bitten.
Kyon: Really? By what?
Mikuru: Miss Nagato. She injected some nanomachines into me. And now nothing's gonna come out of my eye anymore. Thank goodness.
Kyon: What did she inject you with?
Mikuru: Nanomachines. Last night, her and Koizumi came over...
Tsuruya-san: Whatcha whispering about, huh? Ooh, you're so cute, Mikuru! I wanna keep you as my pet!
Kyon: Don't stare. You'll wither her cuteness.
Haruhi: I've got our location for today. There's a big lake by Koizumi's house. That's perfect for the next scene. Come on, everyone. There's a ton of movie left to shoot.
We're moving on to the next scene.
In this one, Yuki, I want you to use your magic to zap the heck out of Mikuru.
Kyon:
Your answer should be "no"!
There's absolutely no way I'd let you hurt Miss Asahina with your powers.
Look at her, she's so terrified, she's turning blue and shaking like crazy.
Haruhi:
Oh well. I guess we'll have to use CG effects in this scene.
Hey, Kyon, don't forget to make a couple of beams come out of Yuki's wand, okay?
Kyon:
How am I supposed to know how to make a visual effect like that?
Haruhi:
Okay, Mikuru. I want you to scream and then fall down like you're in pain.
Mikuru:
Ahh. Ahh.
Haruhi:
Hmm... We need a scene with pigeons.
Kyon:
What?
Haruhi:
There's a shrine nearby. We're going there next.
I wanna shoot Mikuru walking heroically as pigeons fly all around her.
It would be so awesome if the pigeons were all white, but I guess it doesn't matter what color they are.
Kyon:
Can't you read Japanese?
What am I supposed to be shooting?
Haruhi:
Kyon, that's the shot! Hurry up! Roll the camera!
Don't just sit there! Look heroic!
Shinto Priest:
Hey! What do you think you're doing!
Haruhi:
Yah!
Kyon:
Uh-oh!
Haruhi:
Retreat!
Haruhi:
Oh, Mikuru. You don't eat much, do you? You'll never get any bigger if you don't eat more.
If your boobs are the only things growing, you'll only appeal to a small fan base.
You need to get taller.
Kyon:
She'll grow up, all right.
I don't know how many years it will take, but Miss Asahina is gonna grow up to have a face and body so fine.
She could be a contender for the Miss Universe pageant.
But I doubt she knows that yet.
Hey, Haruhi, what are you gonna do if that priest decides to file a complaint with our school?
Koizumi is wearing his uniform today, and that's pretty much a dead giveaway.
Haruhi:
I don't worry. It's gonna be okay.
Besides, jackets like that are common.
If the priest says something, we'll just play dumb.
Kyon:
Once we show this movie to everyone, our cover's gonna be blown.
I mean, I seriously doubt there're that many waitresses coming out to the shrine just they can run around with the pigeons.
Anyway, what's next? Where are we shooting?
Haruhi:
I'm thinking we go back to the park and shoot some more.
I just realized that we didn't get enough footage for the fight scene.
I wanna get Mikuru running for her life through the forest with Yuki chasing her.
Then, we could have Mikuru fall off a cliff, but Koizumi just happens to be walking by and saves her at the last minute.
Kyon:
What a slapdash way to come up with the story.
Wait, what if she really does make Miss Asahina fall off a cliff?
You should fall off instead. Why don't you wear her costume and be her stunt double?
You're not as busty as Miss Asahina, but still...
Haruhi:
Hey, what are you thinking about?
If you think I'm gonna put on her waitress outfit, you've got another thing coming.
Kyon:
She's a mind reader?
Koizumi:
Is anyone else going to be in the movie, or just the three of us?
Kyon:
Don't ask stupid questions.
Haruhi:
You've got a point. Three characters might not be enough.
Thanks for the heads-up, Koizumi. I almost miss that one.
You just got more screen time.
Koizumi:
Oh, wow. Thank you.
Kyon:
Serves you right.
He goes stirring up a hornet's nest. You get what you deserve.
Notice, I didn't say anything.
Haruhi:
Before the boss can be defeated, the good guys have to beat up a bunch of minions first.
A minion's gonna work, though?
Kyon:
Minions are good.
Haruhi:
I know, right?
Kyon:
Taniguchi and Kunikida. The perfect supporting characters, ultimate minions.
Haruhi:
A lot of bad stuff has to happen to Mikuru in this movie.
After all, the theme of the story depends on how hard she suffers.
She has to overcome horrible odds before she can have a happy ending.
And the more we can make Mikuru suffer in the movie, the bigger the payoff is gonna be in the end.
Kyon:
What's with that look she just gave me? Does she really think I'm gonna let this happen to her?
Kyon:
Later, we returned to the park in the woods for more fun.
Haruhi:
We're not gonna use the guns in the next scene.
I was hoping for something cooler and flashier, but ours don't shoot smoke or flames.
They're just not realistic enough.
Mikuru, you stand here. Yuki, you're over here. Don't move from your marks.
I wanna shoot you guys staring each other down, okay?
Grab the reflector board, Koizumi.
And action!
Kyon:
What the!?
Action? All you did was telling them to stand there.
What kind of action were you expecting out of them anyway?
Haruhi:
Oh, come on! You call this a battle scene?
Kyon:
What do you expect? They're just standing there.
Haruhi:
What is your problem?
Just because you're cute doesn't mean you have the right to slack off, you know.
There are lots of other girls who are just as cute who'd kill for your spot.
If you don't get with the program, you're gonna be left in the dust by someone even younger and cuter!
Kyon:
What's she talking about?
Haruhi:
Do something, Mikuru! At least try shooting a beam out of your eye.
Mikuru:
I can't do that!
Haruhi:
That's the whole point of your left eye being a different color. I didn't just make it blue for no reason.
There's incredible power hidden inside that eye. That's what the beam's all about.
It's the Mikuru Beam. So start firing in it!
Mikuru:
I can't!
Haruhi:
Get into it, fire it!
Mikuru:
I can't fire it!
Kyon:
You idiot! Hey! Cut it out!
Haruhi:
What are you doing!
Kyon:
I said, cut it out!
Haruhi:
Let go!
Kyon:
Stop! Calm down!
What, are you crazy? People can't fire beams from their eyes.
Haruhi:
Humph! I know that.
All I was trying to do was get her to act like she could really shoot a beam.
It's hard to believe she's the hero when she's not that into it.
You never get it when I'm joking around.
Kyon:
That's because your jokes never turn out to be jokes.
What if Miss Asahina actually does shoot a beam out of her eye, what happens then, huh?
You can't, can you?
Koizumi:
If I might make a suggestion, maybe after we shoot the scene, we can figure out the CG part.
Mikuru:
Thank you.
Kyon:
And who's gonna do that?
Haruhi:
That's what I was gonna do anyway.
I didn't like that last take. So we're gonna do it again.
When you strike this pose, you're gonna shout, "Mikuru Beam!"
Mikuru:
Uh... is this right?
Haruhi:
No, it's like this. And you gotta shut your right eye like this.
Okay, Mikuru. Go for it.
Mikuru:
Mi-Mi-Mikuru Beam...
Haruhi:
Ah! You gotta do it louder than that!
Mikuru:
Mikuru Beam!
Haruhi:
Don't be shy. Louder!
Mikuru:
Mi-Mi-Mikuru Beam!
Haruhi:
Project from your diaphragm!
Kyon:
The stars from the families watching us are starting to hurt.
Haruhi:
Okay, good! Let's do this for real!
Unleash the beam!
Mikuru:
Mi-Mi-Mikuru Beam!
Kyon:
What!?
Haruhi:
What's up, Yuki? How did you end up back there? You were at your mark.
Wait! Stop! Cut!
Mikuru:
Miss Nagato!
Haruhi:
What are you doing, Yuki? Stop!
Kyon:
Nagato, what are you doing!?
Haruhi:
That's not in the script!
Kyon:
Come on! Get off her!
Are you all right? Huh?
Haruhi:
Uh, what do you guys think you're doing? If it's not in the script, then knock it off.
Huh? Mikuru, what happened to the contact lens?
Mikuru:
Huh? It's not there?
Kyon:
At times like this, you ask the person who looks like they know what's going on.
Nagato, do you know what happened to the contact Miss Asahina was wearing?
Yuki:
I do not.
Kyon:
Liar.
Haruhi:
Maybe it fell out when you two were struggling.
Oh, it's gotta be around here somewhere?
Kyon:
You could at least help us look.
Koizumi:
It's all right, it could been blown away by the wind. That's what I think.
Haruhi:
What happened? Did it break?
That's weird. It must've been cheap.
Hm. Oh well, it's the Photo Club's equipment, so go figure.
Just tape up the back, Koizumi. That should fix it for now.
Koizumi:
You got it.
Haruhi:
If you don't have the contact lens, then the shots aren't going to match up. What do we do now?
I've got an idea! We could have her eye color change right after she transforms!
Mikuru:
T-Transform?
Haruhi:
Of course! It's not realistic if you're always in the same costume. You need an alter ego.
Kyon:
There's something unreal about people who want realism in their fiction.
Mikuru:
I think that's a wonderful idea. I'd really like to wear some normal clothes for a change.
Haruhi:
That's what we do: when you're in normal mode, you wear the bunny girl outfit.
Mikuru:
What!? W-W-W-Why!?
Haruhi:
Well, because that's the only other outfit I brought along.
Besides, if you wore your normal clothes, it wouldn't look as cool on the big screen.
Mikuru:
I...
Haruhi:
Wait! Hold that thought, I just got another idea.
Mikuru's alter ego is a bunny girl who's got a job at the mall, getting customers to come in and shop at the stores.
And she only transforms when she senses danger.
That's when she changes into a battling waitress.
What do you think? Pretty cool, huh?
Kyon:
What about the realism you were talking about before?
Haruhi:
Come on, let's go.
Kyon:
Your efforts are appreciated.
Okay, you wanna explain the deal with all the ad-libbing?
Yuki:
Here.
Kyon:
So you were the one who took it.
Yuki:
A laser.
Kyon:
Hey, Nagato. Your explanations tend to be a bit short.
Do you think you could try maybe talking for at least, I don't know... ten seconds?
Yuki:
It's a narrow spatially coherent beam of light invisible to the eye.
Kyon:
Got it. A narrow spatially coherent beam-y... thing-y...
Sorry, I'm even more confused now.
A laser?
Yuki:
Yes.
Koizumi:
Well, that's unexpected. May I?
There's nothing unusual about this contact lens.
Kyon:
What are you looking for?
Koizumi:
Would you please show me the palm of your right hand?
Kyon:
Huh?
Koizumi:
Sorry, I didn't mean you. I meant Miss Nagato.
Yuki:
It broke through my shield.
Kyon:
You act like it's no big deal. Just looking at it hurts.
Yuki:
It was strong. I had to act fast.
Koizumi:
Did the laser beam that damaged your hand come from Miss Asahina's left eye?
Yuki:
Yes.
Kyon:
"Yes"? That's it?
Yuki:
It will repair itself.
Kyon:
You gotta be kidding! Miss Asahina was just shooting particle beams out of her eye?
Yuki:
It wasn't a particle beam. Cohesive beam.
Kyon:
Laser, maser, marker-light FAHP, whatever! They're all the same to us normals.
The thing I'm having trouble with is that she has the ability to fire off heat rays.
Yuki:
It's not a heat ray. Photon laser.
Kyon:
Again, we don't need to get all scientific about it.
Koizumi:
Do you think Miss Asahina’s always had the power to do something like this?
Yuki:
No. Currently, Mikuru Asahina is a normal human being.
She is no different from anyone else.
Koizumi:
Could there be some sort of tiny mechanism inside?
Yuki:
It is a simple cosmetic accessory.
Koizumi:
This is amazing.
Kyon:
If Nagato hadn't stepped out when she did and blocked the laser beam Miss Asahina shot at us, it would've gone right through the camera lens, then it would've gone through my eye, cooked some stuff, and then come out the back of my head. Not a pretty picture.
Koizumi:
Miss Suzumiya was the one who caused it.
She wanted to have a Mikuru Beam in her movie, so reality changed and provided one for her. Very interesting.
Kyon:
Wait a second. Nobody cast a magic spell on that contact lens.
So, even if Haruhi wished for it, how could a killer beam come out of it?
Koizumi:
That's easy. Miss Suzumiya doesn't need magic spells or strange technology.
All she has to do is believe something exists, and it will.
Kyon:
Yeah, but she wouldn't really expect a beam to come shooting out of her eye.
Koizumi:
Yes, that's true. Miss Suzumiya has enough common sense, no fact from fiction.
However, it's also true that the common sense of this world doesn't really apply to her.
Today's incident is most likely the result of the phenomenon of some sort.
I think that... Uh-oh, she's on her way back now. We'll have to continue this discussion a little later...
Haruhi:
Would you stop complaining, geez? Act like an actress!
To get on the fast track to the blue ribbon award, you can't be so shy about stripping!
Sorry to keep you guys waiting.
Kyon:
Zoom in! Confirmation obtained. It's the real Miss Asahina.
Haruhi:
What are you doing?
You're not supposed to be shooting anything unless I tell you.
Kyon:
Yeah, I know.
I didn't press the record button. I was just focusing the camera.
Haruhi:
Okay, okay, everyone! Listen up now! Let's make this happen!
Kyon:
I shot footage that was supposed to be "Day in a life of Mikuru Asahina" stuff, but I'm still not sure what kind of life she's supposed to have.
And after making poor Miss Asahina run this way and that...
Haruhi:
Hmm... I'm not feeling a whole mountain in the background thing.
We're gonna go in the town!
Kyon:
Oh, geez.
So, Miss Asahina wore her bunny girl outfit until the sun went down.
In fact, all she ever did that day was walk around in her costume, not that I'm complaining.
Asking for "permission to film" was a foreign concept to Haruhi.
In her mind, she was "free" to shoot wherever and whatever she wanted.
Then, her notion of what "free" actually was was similar to the domination of the papacy during the age of Pope Innocent III or something.
She doesn't get what "free" means.
Haruhi:
Hmm. Yeah, that's good for today.
Kyon:
That was a long day. But tomorrow's Sunday, so I get to chill out.
Haruhi:
Okay, see you tomorrow.
You know the drill, same place, same time, same everything.
Kyon:
She said like it's no big deal.
I hope she gives us time to change our clothes.
Haruhi:
What was that? We're on a tight schedule. We can't take it easy for even a second!
You're gonna have plenty of time to kick back once the art festival is over.
Consider your calendar's booked until we get this thing finished!
Here. We're gonna do our best to make this movie awesome.
Actually, since I'm the one directing it, this movie's awesome. This is practically guaranteed!
Everything else depends on how hard you guys work.
Make sure you're on time tomorrow.
If anyone shows up late, I'm gonna bust some heads!
Koizumi:
Don't worry, I'll take care of telling Miss Asahina, okay?
Kyon:
Now what are you talking about?
Koizumi:
The laser, of course. Beams won't shoot out of her eye if she doesn't change the color.
On second thought, perhaps we should take further precautions against it.
I'm sure she'll cooperate with us.
After all, beams are dangerous things.
Kyon:
Oh, man. Nagato keeps jumping in and saving my life.
Taniguchi:
You totally lied! What's the deal, Kyon? Where's Miss Asahina, huh?
The only reason I came is 'cause you said she was gonna be here.
I don't see her, do you? I want my eye candy, bro? Where is she?
Haruhi:
What are you talking about? You're the hero in this thing!
Thirty percent of this picture's success is riding on you and that bunny tail!
Oh, the other seventy percent is on my genius, yeah, whatever!
Taniguchi:
Yeah, all I'm seeing is Suzumiya's angry face. It's a scam, man!? What the hell!?
Kyon:
Then, stare at Nagato, just die already.
Kunikida:
I kinda think that costume looks pretty cool on Miss Nagato.
Tsuruya-san:
Hey, Kyon! So what's up with Mikuru?
Kyon:
Looks like Miss Tsuruya's been tricked into being an extra, too.
Haruhi:
How dare you expect me to ever finish this thing! And you can't put the brakes on it!
Tsuruya-san:
What are we supposed to be doing today, huh?
I was told to show up if I wasn't doing anything.
Hey, so what's that say on Miss Suzumiya's armband?
Ooh! What's the video camera for?
Hey, what's up with Yuki's crazy outfit? Koizumi's looking super hot today. Wow!
Kyon:
What a spaz.
Haruhi:
What did you just say? Your stomach hurts?
Idiot! Seriously, what are you, still in junior high school or something!?
You've got thirty seconds to get over here.
Kyon:
Miss Asahina appears to be suffering from a sudden bout of shut-in syndrome.
Haruhi:
Oh, well! I'm gonna have to go get her. Where is that bag?
Koizumi:
I think I can understand Miss Asahina's apprehension.
It looks like she might actually become a real-life version of the transforming heroine she plays.
A laser beam shooting out of her eye is a bit much, though.
Anyway, not to worry. It's safe to say we won't have to do with any strange beams again.
Kyon:
And why is that? Uh...?
Koizumi:
Miss Nagato gave us a hand with it.
Kyon:
What did you guys do to Miss Asahina?
Koizumi:
She neutralized the laser beam. I'm not sure how, though.
Unlike some of the other TFEIs terminals out there, Miss Nagato isn't very talkative.
Kyon:
Okay, what's a TFEI?
Koizumi:
Just an acronym my organization assigned to them.
Its meaning isn't anything important, though.
But as far as Miss Nagato's concerned, I have to admit she's the most unusual, compared to the other TFEIs, that is.
Taniguchi:
Anyway, it was pretty dark that night, I was on the way home from the store, and I passed this taxi parked by the curve.
Kunikida:
Oh, yeah.
Taniguchi:
So, I'm looking at it, and you know the light that tells you if it's "available" or not?
I could've sworn it said "love".
Kunikida:
You don't see that everyday.
Taniguchi:
Before I could take a closer look at that thing, it drove away.
So I'm standing there, right? Then I realized that sign didn't say "love," love's what's missing from my life.
Kunikida:
Well, you never know. Maybe the sign really did say "love".
Maybe it was a private taxi.
Kyon:
I never thought we'd have to rely on these two Einsteins. Unbelievable.
Haruhi:
Pretending to be sick, you have to be ashamed of yourself!
You're shooting today. Period!
Tsuruya-san:
Heya, Mikuru! Wow, you're looking super sexy in her dress!
Mikuru:
I'm sorry I'm so late.
Kyon:
Oh, that's okay. I don't mind.
Tsuruya-san:
Heya, Miss Suzumiya!
Mikuru:
Sorry about yesterday.
I don't know what happened I just started firing lasers all over the place.
Kyon:
Oh, don't worry. You didn't hit me or anything. Hm?
Mikuru:
I was bitten.
Kyon:
Really? By what?
Mikuru:
Miss Nagato. She injected some nanomachines into me.
And now nothing's gonna come out of my eye anymore. Thank goodness.
Kyon:
What did she inject you with?
Mikuru:
Nanomachines. Last night, her and Koizumi came over...
Tsuruya-san:
Whatcha whispering about, huh?
Ooh, you're so cute, Mikuru! I wanna keep you as my pet!
Kyon:
Don't stare. You'll wither her cuteness.
Haruhi:
I've got our location for today.
There's a big lake by Koizumi's house. That's perfect for the next scene.
Come on, everyone. There's a ton of movie left to shoot.