ef - a tale of memories. > 03. paradox

Chihiro:
From yesterday's me, to today's me. You only have a 13-hour memory span.
This is due to an accident that happened four years ago. Unfortunately, you lost your left eye as well.
Please accept the fact these events did happen.
I'm writing down what you need to know in order to live.
First, you must read this diary every morning. This is your memory. Everything about you is written in here.
Second, you must write in the diary every day. What you did, what you talked about, medical records... Be as precise as possible.

Renji:
And then, third, try to avoid contact with others as much as possible.
Someone may take advantage of your condition and do awful things to you.
Or conversely, you may cause someone a great deal of trouble yourself.
If you meet anyone, record their characteristics and information as accurately as possible.
Huh...

Chihiro:
At first, I described you as an older male student in a school uniform who comes to the train station around 3:00 PM.

Renji:
Me? Older?

Chihiro:
You see, time stopped for me. That was a little over four years ago now.

Renji:
Oh, I see.

Chihiro:
If you showed up in street clothes or before three o'clock, I wouldn't know who you were.

Renji:
Wow, that's rough.

Chihiro:
That's all I can let you read.

Renji:
Oh, sorry. I guess it is your diary.

Chihiro:
No. No, this diary is me.

Renji:
Thirteen hours... that's how long your memory span is?

Chihiro:
If I wake up at 7:00 AM, I can remember what happens until 8:00 PM.
But for every hour beyond that, I also lose an hour of memory.
By midnight, everything before 11:00 AM has been erased.
And at 7:00 the next morning, I don't remember anything that happened before 6:00 PM the day before.

Renji:
So hold on--then that means when you wake up, you've forgotten everything about me?

Chihiro:
No, that's not true.

Renji:
What?

Chihiro:
I can recall my most important memories over and over again.
And I can retain those same important memories for another 13 hours.
If I read my diary at 9:00 PM and recall an event before I go to sleep, I still remember it when I wake up.
Like spending time with you and the fact that I have a memory defect.
My life is very uneventful. I don't go to school, or have any friends. I really don't do anything.
If I just daydream at the station, there's nothing I need to remember.
There's no reason for me to live. It's very easy if I simply relinquish everything.

Renji:
Yeah, but if you do that, then...!

Chihiro:
I have nothing to offer anyone! So the least I can do is try not to be a burden.
That's my goal in life. But, it's not something that is that easy to do. I've become a burden just by living...
And the worst part of it all is every day I simply forget the fact that I was even a burden.
Renji-san, I'm going to tell you... I'm going to tell you a joke.

Renji:
A joke?

Renji:
I'm home.

Sumire:
Hi, welcome home! Your dinner's ready, sweetheart.
By the way, did you fill out a career path questionnaire while you were at school today?

Renji:
How'd you find out about that?

Sumire:
I heard about it from the other moms at my cooking class.
Isn't it a little bit early? You're only a freshman after all!

Renji:
Yeah...

Sumire:
What did you write down?

Renji:
I don't know.

Sumire:
You should just write down whatever you want to be. That'll be fine!

Renji:
If I knew what that was, then it'd be easy, wouldn't it?

Sumire:
Oh by the way, I have something I want you to take over to Kuze-san later for me, if you would please.

Renji:
Oh! Then is Kuze-san back?

Sumire:
Mmhmm. Take him the pot sitting on the stove. It's just some extra dinner that I thought he might like!

Renji:
Kuze-san!

Kuze:
Hey! How are ya, Renji?

Renji:
It's been a while, huh?

Kuze:
You're still a shrimp. Are you eating? Still looking pretty small to me.

Renji:
I haven't seen you in three months and that's all you can say?

Kuze:
Oh, is that dinner just for me?

Renji:
Yeah. My mom asked me to bring it over.

Kuze:
Thank God! Thank God! What's that sweet lady made for dinner?

Renji:
Uh, can I come in for a sec? I wanted to talk to you about something.

Kuze:
No prob. As long as you don't mind the naked lady laying there in my bed. She's nice.

Renji:
Then I'll come back later!

Kuze:
Hey, kiddo! It's not like either of us minds.

Renji:
Okay, whatever! But I still do!

Kuze:
Well, suit yourself. Something up?

Renji:
It's... nothing important. Don't worry about it.

Kuze:
If you're sure then. I'll bring over some souvenirs from my trip a little later.

Renji:
All right. You can leave the empty pot outside our door when you're done with it.

Kuze:
It's not a problem, kiddo. Okay, 'night, Renji. Sweet dreams.

Renji:
Welcome back, Kuze-san.


Renji:
I'll see you later!

Sumire:
Have a good day!

Renji:
Every day's the same--peaceful. But I know that because I remember everything from day to day.
I was happy to see Kuze-san yesterday. That's because I remember exactly who Kuze-san is.
But Chihiro forgets everything she did, who she met. She only has 13 hours at a time.
I continued seeing her for the simple reason that I wanted to be with her.
But every time Chihiro sees me, it's different. Because I'm a stranger every time.
She must feel so insecure and scared. But then...
I'll see you tomorrow.

Chihiro:
Yes, see you tomorrow.

Renji:
Is it okay for me to continue seeing Chihiro this way?

Himura:
If you wanna be with Chihiro, you had better brace yourself.

Renji:
I don't know what to do... I wonder if I'm taking Chihiro for granted.
Guess she won't be there today.

Chihiro:
I'm going to... I'm going to tell you a joke.

Renji:
A joke?

Chihiro:
Every single day, I try to think of different ways to disappear without causing anyone more trouble.
But I'm never able to think of a way.
It's not so much that I'm afraid of disappearing. Fear is an emotion that's easily forgotten.
However...

Renji:
However?

Chihiro:
My biggest fear is not losing my memory. That's not what I'm afraid of.
My biggest fear is... being forgotten.
I guess... I'm really kind of a coward at heart...

Renji:
A joke... huh? Isn't there anything I can do for her?
What can a knight do to protect his princess?
What would make her happy? There has to be something.

Chihiro:
I have a dream.

Renji:
A dream?

Chihiro:
I wanna write a story. I wanna try to create something that's totally mine.


Renji:
What are you doing here, Himura-san?

Himura:
I'm just a messenger. Chihiro couldn't come because... she caught a cold, so she sent me instead.

Renji:
She's not in the hospital, is she?

Himura:
It's just a cold. But I kept her in, just in case.

Renji:
I see.

Himura:
Why didn't you come yesterday?

Renji:
Huh?

Himura:
You promised you'd be here. Chihiro was waiting. Until midnight. Chihiro can't retain memories.
So she tries her best to keep her promises.
"See you tomorrow" is a precious promise that links her to a different her the following day.
She must have been so happy yesterday.
When I went to pick her up from the station, she refused to budge at all, saying that she had a date with you.
Chihiro can't even control her own existence. So she's usually very compliant. But I guess she's still human after all.

Renji:
I had no idea she'd...

Himura:
It's not your fault. Chihiro isn't able to make reasonable decisions.
And I failed as her guardian. That's all.


Hiro:
Yes? Hirono speaking. I have five pages to go.
What? An assistant? Don't need one. I've never missed a deadline, have I?
I'm working on it right now. Yeah. I got it. 'Kay, bye.
Ugh...
Huh?

Kei:
I have practice tomorrow morning so I can't come over to wake you up.
Please get up and go to school. If you cut class, I'll kill you. No joke.

Hiro:
But I'm up against a deadline.

Kei:
P.S. Chihiro has a fever. You'd better not get sick, either.

Hiro:
So, if I cut class, I'll die. If I don't, I'll die. I only have one option.

Kei:
Hey, Oni-chan!

Hiro:
Hey... training by yourself?

Kei:
No... everyone was late, so I left them behind.
Can I have a sip? So, what's up with you? It's so early.

Hiro:
I finished my manga by sheer will. I just turned it in.
I figured if I went to sleep, I'd never wake up in time for school.

Kei:
What's gotten into you, Oni-chan? Is it going to rain or something?

Hiro:
Look, I'm here, but I can't guarantee I'll stay awake.

Kei:
Then why even bother?!

Hiro:
She drank it all...

Kei:
But I'll give you credit for coming! Good job, Big Brother!

Hiro:
What the heck...?

Kyosuke:
Hey Hirono. Are you alive? What's up with you?

Hiro:
Ah... Can't you see? I'm dead...

Kyosuke:
You are always so burned out at the end of every month. Is it that time of the month?

Hiro:
Yes... It's that time...

Kyosuke:
It's tough, isn't it?

Hiro:
I'm going to get some sleep.

Kyosuke:
Cover up now!

Miyako:
Guess who! Who could this be?

Hiro:
You!

Miyako:
Don't get mad. It's just a cute prank! People do it all the time.

Hiro:
They cover the eyes, not the mouth!

Miyako:
Hmph, but that's just so boring!

Hiro:
So you wanna kill me for entertainment?!

Miyako:
Well you know, I'm really glad you're here, Hirono-kun.

Hiro:
Huh? Why is that?

Miyako:
Because... if you weren't here, I would never have found this lovely hideaway.

Hiro:
Oh, I see.

Miyako:
Hey, can I have that?

Hiro:
Sorry, it was a present from my sister. She gave it to me when I made it into this school.

Miyako:
Can I make a spare key?

Hiro:
No way! This is a precious place for my "alone time"!

Miyako:
By the way, Hirono-kun, what about work today?
Are you up against a deadline?
Is your editor ready to kill you and beat you to a bloody pulp?

Hiro:
Do you think I'd be at school if that was the case?!

Miyako:
Okay! Let's go!

Hiro:
Wait a second! To where?

Miyako:
To somewhere other than here!


Kyosuke:
This is so ordinary.

Club member:
What do you mean "ordinary"?

Kyosuke:
As in textbook. You see this type of work anywhere.

Club members:
That was intentional, obviously.

Well, personally, I think your visuals are a little too high-impact, Kyosuke.

Kyosuke:
What the hell's wrong with that, may I ask?

Club member:
All that high-impact stuff that you shoot tends to win things like special awards.
If we wanna win the grand prix, we really need something with more mass appeal.

Emi:
Kyosuke...?


Miyako:
Otowa is a fun place, even just to walk around!

Hiro:
I've lived here all my life. I'm sick of it.

Miyako:
But doesn't everything look different when you're with someone?

Hiro:
Not at all.

Miyako:
Otowa was an ordinary Japanese town once.

Hiro:
The big earthquake was pretty destructive. And then it was burned down in the war. It's an unlucky town.

Miyako:
Maybe that's why they rebuilt it into a totally different town.
Are you finished? Don't hold back. I'm treating this time.

Hiro:
I can't eat very much after pulling an all-nighter.

Miyako:
The weather is beautiful! Too beautiful to sit in a classroom, don't you think?

Hiro:
I bet you're the kind of girl who cuts class in all kinds of weather.

Miyako:
You bet!

Hiro:
Do you hate school?

Miyako:
Uh-uh.

Hiro:
Then... why?

Miyako:
Because this town is way more interesting than a classroom.

Hiro:
Huh?

Miyako:
I don't really hate school, I just hate being bored! I'd rather be somewhere having fun.

Hiro:
Look, I'm really not one to be saying this, but you should think about going to school sometimes.

Miyako:
You can't enjoy life if you're always worried about society's rules.
You know, you should do the things you enjoy doing too, Hirono-kun.

Mizuki:
Hiro-senpai!

Hiro:
Hayama.

Mizuki:
What are you doing here? I didn't expect to see you.

Hiro:
I could say the same thing about you.

Mizuki:
I'm on an errand today. I need to replenish my supply of manga!

Hiro:
You're really crazy about manga, aren't you?

Miyako:
Who's she, Hirono-kun?

Hiro:
Oh, she's an underclassman. Mizuki Hayama.

Mizuki:
Nice to meet you.

Hiro:
And this is my classmate, Miyamura... Miyamura...

Miyako:
Hirono, I hereby decree that henceforth you shall always call me "Miyako", hear me?

Hiro:
What on earth for?

Miyako:
You forgot my name so easily, my heart has shattered into a million tiny pieces!
I just don't know what I'm capable of doing right now.

Hiro:
Hey, Hayama. Does that sound like a threat or something to you?

Mizuki:
It's your own fault, you know that, right?
You should really never ever call your girlfriend by her last name.
Don't be so shy all the time, Hiro-senpai.

Hiro:
She's not my girlfriend!

Mizuki:
Are you serious?!
If you found a girlfriend, then Kei-senpai would be free for me!
That's what I was counting on!

Hiro:
What are you talking about?! Kei's not my girlfriend either!

Mizuki:
Oh...

Hiro:
Where's Miyamura?

Mizuki:
I think that... I think she just broke up with you.

Hiro:
I just told you, she's not my girlfriend!


Emi:
Kyosuke, I understand how you feel, but try to be a little more understanding.
Everyone's trying to win the film festival this year.

Kyosuke:
That's all they talk about.

Emi:
What?

Kyosuke:
All they care about is the contest. Why don't they just focus on what it is they really wanna do?

Emi:
And what about you? Are you focusing on what you really wanna do?

Kyosuke:
Who knows?

Emi:
Who knows...

Kyosuke:
When I look through the camera lens nowadays, I feel so uninspired.

Emi:
What do you mean?

Kyosuke:
I don't think that I know... what I really wanna do anymore.

Emi:
Kyosuke, we need to talk.

Kyosuke:
What?

Emi:
I think we need to stop seeing each other.
I don't understand you anymore! It's like I don't even know who you are.

Kyosuke:
You're right. Can you fill out my resignation form, club leader?

Emi:
Kyosuke...

Kyosuke:
The remnants of the earthquake... are still here.

Yuko:
You shouldn't be here, not in this time and place.
Don't look over your shoulder at the remains of the past.
Looking back is never the right path for anyone.

Kyosuke:
I never look back. Only straight ahead.

Yuko:
Really? I thought you were struggling to find your way. Isn't that so?

Kyosuke:
For now.
But deep down, I always knew exactly what it was that I wanted to do.
I only... I only film what I want!

Yuko:
And what is that?

Kyosuke:
I wanna capture... a dream.


Chihiro:
My cold isn't bad at all. But Himura-san won't let me go out. I wanna go see Renji-kun.

Kei:
You're going have to listen to Himura-san, Chihiro. You can't afford to get really sick.
Huh? Mizuki?

Miyako:
Stupid Hirono-kun...

Kei:
Excuse me! It's rude to yawn while watching someone practice! Wake the hell up!

Hiro:
Oh, sorry about that. My internal clock is off.

Kei:
Normal humans sleep at night and wake up in the morning!
I guess manga artists aren't human, are they?

Hiro:
We're probably not. Anyway, what was it you wanted to talk to me about so early in the morning?

Kei:
You cut class yesterday, didn't you?

Hiro:
Huh? Oh, that's right. I was up all night. I was exhausted.
I went home and slept pretty much all afternoon.

Kei:
Liar. I know. You were with Miyamura-senpai. Mizuki told me. You ran into her, right?

Hiro:
Just how do you know Miyamura?

Kei:
She's famous. You're the only one who doesn't know her, because you're never at school.

Hiro:
Really?

Kei:
Well, she's beautiful; all the guys talk about her; she cuts class;
and when she comes to school, she doesn't listen to a single thing the teachers are talking about!
She doesn't even answer when they call on her.
Your attendance record is really borderline, we both know that!
She doesn't even know the situation, yet she just drags you off!
That girl is nothing but a troublemaker!

Hiro:
Look, you really shouldn't talk badly about someone that you don't even know!

Kei:
So you know her well?! I guess you two have been hanging out all the time, is that it?!

Hiro:
That's not it! I just accidentally met her on Christmas.
I've hardly known her a whole month yet.

Kei:
Christmas...? Is that true?

Hiro:
What?

Kei:
You really did... you ditched me at Christmas to spend time with that girl, Miyako Miyamura...


Conveying my feelings in a story.
On the next episode of ef: a tale of memories: "honesty."
Is there a memory you never wanna forget?