Ukyo:
Mr. president, our circulation has dropped into single digits.

President:
Just give me the numbers, please.
How many newspapers did we sell this week?

Sakyo:
Two copies.

President:
That's all?

Ukyo:
Yes, sir.

President:
Ukyo, did you buy a newspaper?

Ukyo:
I did, sir.

President:
And Sakyo, what about you?

Sakyo:
Of course.

President:
So, you're saying no one outside of the newspaper club bought one?

Ukyo:
Well, Yes, unfortunately that does seem to be the case, sir.

President:
This is quite a predicament.
Next week's edition will be our last paper of the first semester.
If we don't come up with better results before summer vacation, the club will be shut down before the end of the school year.
Oh, by the way, how's that other club doing?

Ukyo and Sakyo:
Well, sir.

Ukyo:
The host club's photo collection, "I Love Love Love Tamaki Special," sold out as soon as it went on sale, all 1000 copies.

Sakyo:
"Moe Moe Ouran Diaries, Vol. 8," the dojinshi put together and published by Renge Hoshakuji also sold out as soon as it went on sale.
It's already in its second printing.

President:
I should have known.
They're the ones who have the most power here at Ouran.

Host club members:
Welcome back, ladies.


Haruhi:
"Covering The Famous Host Club!"


Girl:
But, we can't do this, Tamaki.
There are so many girls who love you and If we get any closer I'm afraid that they're all going to hate me for it.

Tamaki:
Princess, these beautiful hydrangeas will keep us hidden from the others.
You don't need to worry.
For this moment, I belong to no one but you, my love.
The spirits of the hydrangeas will keep our rendezvous a secret.

Girl:
Oh, Tamaki, I yearn to be with you!

Tamaki:
Princess!

Girl:
Oh my!

Girls:
Sorry, Kaoru.

Kaoru:
No way, I lost again?

Hikaru:
Now, go easy on him, Princesses.
Kaoru is quite the crybaby.

Kaoru:
Hikaru!
That's not true!
I am not a cryba...

Hikaru:
Oh, so you're gonna deny it, huh?
What about when the two of us are alone playing punishment games?
Tell us what happens then, Kaoru.

Kaoru:
But, that's because you...

Girl:
Wow I've never noticed that the courtyard had such a lovely stream.

Kyoya:
It's called a yarimizu channel.
It is said that during the Heian era, people would better experience the seasons by watching the petals or autumn leaves that drifted along the water.
I had it specially made for all of you, hoping it would express my desire to spend all four seasons with you.
So, then what do you say, ladies?
This fall, there's an autumn leave's tea party with a limited number of invitations.

Girls:
Oh, sign me up!

Honey:
Now watch, as we work together to eat soba!
Uh-oh.

Girls:
He is so cute!

Haruhi:
It's so peaceful.
Guess I'm finally getting used to this.
Took me long enough.
It's been this way since I started school here.

Tamaki:
Haruhi, duck!
Hikaru!
You came this close to snuffing out the light of Haruhi's life.

Haruhi:
So much for it being peaceful.

Hikaru:
Hey, it's your fault for not catching the ball in the first place, boss.

Kaoru:
Yeah, who knew he'd be so bad at kemari?
So much for him being the Genji of Ouran academy.

Tamaki:
What?

President:
If we want the newspaper club to survive, I'm afraid we are going to have to ask them for help.

Ukyo:
No, Mr. President!
It's too dangerous to get involved with those guys!

Sakyo:
He's right.
Not only would the club get shut down but you could be expelled!

Tamaki:
You think so?
Well, check this out!
Starlight Kick!!

Hikaru:
What?

Kaoru:
So fast!

Hikaru and Kaoru:
Take care of yourself!
Bye.

President:
Calm down.
There's nothing to worry about.
We have no choice but to ask them for help.
However, that doesn't mean I'll fall victim to their...

Ukyo and Sakyo:
President!

Tamaki:
Really, we're terribly sorry about that.

President:
Don't worry.
It's no big deal.
Could've happened to anyone, right?
Just a ball flying through a window and hitting me upside the head.

Tamaki:
Please accept our apology.

President:
Well, this works out perfectly.
I was just thinking about approaching the host club about a cover story.
I don't suppose you'd be interested.

Haruhi:
I didn't know we had a newspaper club.

Hikaru:
It's more gossip rag than newspaper.

Kaoru:
Yeah, like a trashy tabloid.
It's filled with stories about scandalous love affairs, family power struggles, and junk like that.

Hikaru:
It's just a lame gossip rag that specializes in stirring up scandal.

Hikaru and Koaru:
And everyone knows it's all lies, so nobody reads it any more.

President:
You know, I guess we have kind of lost sight of the truth because we've been so worried about drawing more in readers.
It's a shame we're just now realizing our error.
Now that the paper is at risk.
We finally realize what we should have been reporting to the students of Ouran.
Help us, please.
For our last paper of this semester, we'd like to do an up-close special edition revealing the charms of Ouran's host club members.
I'm begging you.
Without your help, our club will close.

Tamaki:
You can count on us.
On behalf of the host club, I...

Kyoya:
We'll have to decline.

Tamaki:
But Kyoya, he got hurt because of me!
What's the big deal?

Kyoya:
Sorry, we have a policy prohibiting us from sharing any personal information with anyone other than our guests.
But we'd be more than happy to pay any medical expenses related to your injury.

Kaoru:
And another thing.
What makes you think we'd want to help you spread more rumors and gossip?
We've got a reputation to uphold.
And you'd just ruin it.

Hikaru:
Besides, you guys cause a lot of trouble for other people.
And who'd want to get mixed up with that?

Haruhi:
It's scary how much they don't realize about themselves.

President:
I understand.
Well, I guess you really can't erase the sins of the past, can you?
People won't even give you the opportunity to try and redeem yourself.
Aah!!
My head is killing me.

Ukyo and Sakyo:
President!

President:
I'm okay.
Don't worry, you two.
Oh no, I'm getting dizzy again.

Ukyo and Sakyo:
President!

President:
No wait. I'm fine... aah!!

Ukyo and Sakyo:
President!

President:
I guess all we can do at this point is disband with grace.

Tamaki:
No, you don't have to!
You can always make a fresh start.
We'll help.
We will rally the power of our host club, and we can re-establish the newspaper club together!

Hikaru and Koaru:
Well count us out.

Hikaru:
You're way too trusting, boss.
We can't just go along with everything you do forever.

Kaoru:
Yeah, we've had enough.

Kyoya:
We're leaving too, Tamaki.
We're holding an evaluation meeting, mostly about you.

Tamaki:
Hold it!
How can you be so heartless?
These men are about to lose their club.
Don't you feel sorry for them?
Their family is breaking up!
As your president, I demand you help them!
And that is a direct order!

Kyoya, Hikaru and Kaoru:
We're not going to do it!

Hikaru:
Well, he's obviously upset with us.

Kaoru:
Yeah, he hasn't even changed clothes.

Kyoya:
I hate it when he ignores us when we're right in front of him.
He's such a child.

Honey:
Nah, Tama-chans's just a lonely guy, you know.

Tamaki:
A club is like a family.
Their family is about to be broken up.
I feel sorry for them.

Haruhi:
I hate to give in, but would it really be that bad to help them out with their newspaper?

Hikaru:
What?

Kaoru:
Hey, since when are you taking his side?

Haruhi:
Since never.
Just listen, okay?
I know any moment now he's gonna look over here with those puppy-dog eyes he uses when he wants something and none of us will be able to say no, and so he'll win.

Hikaru and Kaoru:
Let me guess.
You're speaking from experience, aren't you?

Haruhi:
Besides, maybe I'm wrong, but isn't this the kind of thing you guys usually go for?

Hikaru and Kaoru:
Well no.
This seems like more trouble than it's worth.

Haruhi:
What about you, Honey senpai?

Honey:
Count me out.
I have this cake to eat.
And Takashi sticks with me, right?

Mori:
Hm.

Haruhi:
Those are the eyes.

Hikaru and Kaoru:
Puppy-dog eyes.

Kyoya:
There will be some conditions.

Tamaki:
Woof!

Kyoya:
The outline for their article will be submitted by us.
Interviews are strictly prohibited.
And it is vital that our clients' identities be kept confidential.

Tamaki:
Woof woof!

Kyoya:
Do we agree?

Hiakru:
Well, if you think it's cool, Kyoya sanpai,

Kaoru:
then we do too.

Honey:
I'll do it since Kyo-chan says it's okay.

Mori:
Hm.

Haruhi:
That's the shadow-king for you.

President:
Of course.
If you'll allow us to cover you, we promise to observe your conditions.

Kyoya:
Well then, you may start tomorrow.

Precident:
Excellent.

Kyoya:
So how is that bump on your forehead feeling?

President:
Oh, that.
It's no big deal.
I hardly feel it any more.
I owe a lot to this bump, because without it we'd never have come together for this article.

Kyoya:
That's true, but we're still very sorry it happened.
I've brought you a little something as an apology of sorts.
This is a first-aid kit, made by my family's company.

President:
Thank you.
I appreciate it.

Kyoya:
No problem.
Please excuse me.

President:
Oh, it just dawned on me.
You family runs the Otori group, right?
They manufacture medical equipment, don't they?

Kyoya:
We mostly deal with hospital management.

President:
I am so glad that we'll been working together.
My father is a president as well, of the Komatsuzawa publishing firm.

Kyoya;
Yes, I am well aware of that.
So, being president of the newspaper club is your way of preparing to take over the family company?

President:
Well, yes, to an extent.
But I have this younger brother.
He is a bright young man, and my father is very proud of him, you see.
So now my father's decided to turn future management of the company over to my younger brother.
Thereby passing over me, the eldest son, first-born.
However, if I'm able to finish my third year at Ouran academy as the president of a successful newspaper club, I think he may reconsider my candidacy as his successor.
Do you understand?
I cannot allow this club to fall apart, no matter what.

Kyoya:
Please excuse me.

Ukyo:
Mr. President, are we to assume you're trying to win over Kyoya Otori?

President:
But of course.
My only real enemy here is Tamaki Suou.
Originally I had planned to use the power of the school newspaper to become popular here at Ouran academy.
But then Suou showed up and started his stupid host club and suddenly he became the big man on campus.

Ukyo:
But, President, that's not what Sakyo and I heard.

Sakyo:
Yeah, I thought the newspaper you printed before was just as unpopular as it is now.

President:
That's enough.
It only takes one call to mother and I can have all business between our publishing firm and your families cut off.
They've obviously got special standing.
They're not affiliated with any sports or cultural clubs.
They don't even have an advisor.
All they do in that club is fake romance.
Those poor girls who visit them are being suckered.
It must be Suou's way of flaunting his power.
Using his parents' authority to let he and his buddies do whatever they want with those girls.
All of those host club members including Kyoya Otori were supposed to be my underlings.
Tamaki Suou, he's more shrewd than you'd expect.
He may seem like a friendly guy.
He's got the act down.
But I'm positive he's got a dark side.
I'll dig until I'll find something scandalous that'll teach him a lesson!


Tamaki:
The Daruma doll fell over!
The Daruma doll fell over!
The Daruma doll fell over!
The Daruma doll fell over!
The Daruma doll fell over!
The Daruma doll fell over!
I saw you move, Hikaru and Kaoru...

Sakyo:
President, what on earth are we witnessing?

Ukyo:
Could it be some kind of new religion?

President:
Why are you asking me?
How the hell should I know?

Tamaki:
You know, I can't blame you for being shocked.
I was unfamiliar with it myself.
But it's a commoners' game.
They have a wide variety.
And none of them requires spending any money.
All you need is a few friends to play with.

President:
And what does this have to do with our coverage of the host club?

Tamaki:
You need to learn friendliness.
If you want to clear the negative reputation of the newspaper club and attempt to capture the hearts of your readers, you must try to be more down to earth.
I can just imagine the headlines now.
The handsome boys of the host club enjoy commoners' games.
With pictures of us frolicking in the scenery of early summer, it will be the perfect facelift for your front page and it gives you the chance to show that a certain commoner's happier now reliving his childhood here with us!

Haruhi:
Great, he's looking at me.
I should probably start acting like I'm happy to be here.

Ukyo:
But President, I don't think I understand what he's saying.

Sakyo:
Are you sure that this guy isn't just a complete idiot?

President:
Don't let your guard down, just yet.
This is all part of his strategy.
The commoner in question.
Perfect.

Haruhi:
Why can't this just be over?

President:
You're Fujioka, right?
You wouldn't mind if I asked you a few questions, would you?

Haruhi:
Um, Sure.

President:
So, why did you join the host club?

Haruhi:
Well, um honestly I joined because I was forced to.

President:
You are an honor student on a scholarship, correct?

Haruhi:
Yeah, I am.

President:
So in other words, the fact that you're a member of this club is just another example of how the Suou family loves to flaunt their power.

Haruhi:
Say what?

President:
Now if you would, please tell me all about Tamaki's dark side.
If you can help me out here, I just might be able to set you free.

Haruhi:
Sorry, but as far as I can tell, he doesn't have a dark side.

President:
That can't be right?
You expect me to believe that a group of high schoolers actually enjoys playing these childish games?

Haruhi:
I don't think it's that weird.

President:
You've gotta be kidding me.

Hikaru and Kaoru:
Chop!

Host club members:
Now come and get us!

Tamaki:
Hey wait!
That's not where you're supposed to cut, you know!
Next we're playing can-keri.
And you're it, okay, Kyoya?

Kyoya:
If I must.

Tamaki:
Starlight Kick!!

President:
If you honestly think I'm going to fall for the same trick again, you've got another thing...

Ukyo and Sakyo:
President!

Tamaki:
Haruhi, come with me!
Run!

Haruhi:
I don't think he has a dark side.
Could he?
Now that I think about it, I don't know anything about Tamaki senpai's family.

Kyoya:
One... two... three... four... five...

President:
Damn it.
I refuse to put up with his shenanigans any longer.
You pay for this, Tamaki Suou.

Kyoya:
Six...

Haruhi:
Did you get us lost, senpai?
We are lost, aren't we?

Tamaki:
Look, Haruhi.
I found a great hiding place over here!

Haruhi:
Yeah, we're totally lost.
So we're stranded until someone finds us?

Tamaki:
Woof?

Haruhi:
Great.
It's a good thing you made Kyoya senpai it.

Tamaki:
Woof woof.

Haruhi:
Are you messing with me?

Tamaki:
Woof.

Haruhi:
You know, I never thought I'd be playing these silly games again once I got into high school.

Tamaki:
But don't you think this is fun?

Haruhi:
I guess.
But I haven't played any other stuff since I was an elementary student.

Tamaki:
Yeah?
I see.
It's new to me.
When I was growing up, I've never really had any friends of my age.
My mother would get sick very easily.
I was always worried about her.
So, I didn't go out and play much.
Instead, I would do my best to cheer her up.
I'd always sit beside her to play the piano.
That's probably why now I love playing these silly games with all of you.
It's a lot of fun!
We should do this again some time.

Haruhi:
I think so, too.

President:
I'm writing the article.

Ukyo:
But wait, Mr. President.

Sakyo:
It's too dangerous to write gossip about Suou.
You don't have any evidence, sir.

President:
Who needs evidences?
All I have to do is expose him.
Everyone will see it.
If I set my mind to it, I can imagine any number of articles that would cause a commotion among the idiots at this academy.
I'm going to expose Tamaki for the twit he is.

Kaoru:
So we were right all along.

President:
You, two.

Hikaru:
Well, I guess it was pretty obvious.

Kaoru:
The boss is the only one who hasn't caught on yet.
He can be really dense when it pertains to anything about himself.

Hikaru:
I should warn you.
If you threat him, there will be consequences.

Kaoru:
Are you ready to have the Hitachiins and every other club members' family as your enemy?

President:
I knew it.
You're nothing but his lackeys.
Tamaki's holding his parents' power over all of you.

Honey:
That's not true.
We don't hang out with Tama-chan because of his parents.
We love him.
We all like being around him and that's why we choose to be here.

Kyoya:
He may be a hopeless idiot, but even so...

Tamaki:
Kyoya, let's start a club together.
Why hello there, Haninozuka senpai.
I know this is sudden, but I was wondering if you'd join a new club I'm starting.
Morinozuka senpai.
You kid seem to have a lot of free time.
If you ever get bored, you should come join our new club.

Hikaru:
Well?

Kaoru:
What will you do?

Honey:
Please leave Tama-chan alone, okay?

President:
I'll get you all.
It's not just about him anymore.
I'll write an article that'll ruin all of you!

Kyoya:
Go ahead.
Be my guest.
Although, what do you think we should do about this little disk?
You see, it's been here since yesterday and it recorded everything.

Ukyo:
President.

Sakyo
Just give up already.

Kyoya:
Let me explain it to you in terms you can understand.
You would do well to remember that the Otori group and the Hitachiin family alone own enough stock to remove your father from his position as president of the Komatsuzawa publishing firm.
However, we would never do something like that.
We are not like you.
What we strive for is fundamentally different.

I found you.

Haruhi and Tamaki:
Woof!

Tamaki:
Where's the newspaper club?

Hikaru and Kaoru:
They had to cancell.
Something came up.

Hikaru:
They said they're going to focus on writing respectable articles.

Kaoru:
So maybe they'll get by without having to shut down.

Tamaki:
Oh really?
That's good news.

Honey:
Let's hurry back to the club room and eat some cake!

Mori:
Yeah.

Tamaki:
That does sound good.
Cake, cake!

Haruhi:
Kyoya senpai, I was wondering.
Is the Suou family really that big a deal around here?

Kyoya:
Well, the foundation of their business lies in corporate finance.
But they do have some extensive real estate as well.
You've heard of the Roy Grand Hotel and the Outo Theatre.
They also have a hand in other things, like school management, for example.

Haruhi:
I didn't know that.
Which school?

Kyoya:
Why, Ouran academy.
You've been here long enough that you should at least know what the chairman of the school board's name is.
You know, if you think about it, you're able to attend school here because of financial aid you received from Tamaki's family.
You should be grateful to them.

Tamaki:
Haruhi!
Hurry it up, or we're going to leave you!
I would hate for you to end up lost again.

Haruhi:
Huh?


Tamaki:
What happened?
Haruhi has gone missing?!

Haruhi:
No, I just got a summer job in Karuizawa.

Tamaki:
Then, my refreshing self will come visit you!

Haruhi:
Next time, "The Refreshing Battle in Karuizawa!"

Tamaki:
The ouran host club will be waiting for you.

Host club members:
We'll see you then.