OK, I've got one for ya. Let me see if I can remember it. OK. How many Polacks does it take to change a light bulb?

I'm guessing one to hold the light bulb, and ninety-nine to turn the house. Isn't that it?

... Uh... let's see. So the Pope says to this guy who's dressed like he's homele-

"I thought I told you to get out of here yesterday." Yeah, good one. Do me a favor and just shut up and drive, will ya?

......

Gaaaah! This sucks! This really fuckin' sucks! Ugghhh! Why am I stuck playing fuckin' errand boy with you? That's what I really wanna know! That lousy prick Dutch! I hope he dies!


...? What? Why me?

I have to work on the boat all day. And Benny's gonna be busy with the electronics. Oh, right. Revy's just lying around in her room. You can take her with you.

Hmm... take Revy?

Hmm... that a problem?

No... But I can tell you she's not gonna wanna do then...

Sounds like somethin' that you two need to deal with. And it's got nothin' to do with me or the job. Start in this neighborhood. First head to Roan "Jackpot" Pigeon's place on Rachiada Street.


(laughs) Welcome, my sweet Rebecca! And here I thought you'd given up on me. So you finally decided to shake that fine ass of yours in the S&M show? I need you to be around, baby.

Fuck off, will ya, Roan? The only reason I'm here is because of my job, so don't start with that! I'm not into being tied up or tying other people up!

You haven't changed. You look so good you'd be great for either, I'm tellin' ya good. It's a real shame. So, what brings you here today?

Uhh, right. Regarding the goods you ordered from-

You ordered booze for this place, right? We've got 1500 bottles for ya. They're in warehouse five at the harbor.

Now this is what I'm talking about. What! Tax sure has gone up on these, it's killing me! How's a brother supposed to make a dime? Shit... Oh yeah, what's up with your friend who looks like he never seen a pair of titties before?

Oh, him. He's a rookie at our place. He's got nowhere else to go, so we had no choice but to take care of him.

Hmm... Looks like you're in for a rough ride, brother. You ever need anything, don't be shy.

Later Roan. Don't forget about the money, all right?


(sigh) So the shipment's going to be late, is it? You could have told me that over the phone, but instead you came all the way here?

Yeah, I hear ya. Tell that to Dutch.

Makes no difference. I've got to finish fifteen of these today, so I won't be getting out anytime soon. No.

Hmm.

Huh?

Yup... I should've gotten a part-timer to do it. I'm seriously losing my mind... I have a meeting tonight, too. Some more idiots selling drugs without permission again. What a pain in the butt...

Hold on a sec! Is she taking it up the ass?

Sure is... Oh, if you guys hear anything about that, I'd appreciate it if you let me know. I'll thank you properly.

Yeah, if we hear anything. I'm sure we'll be back pretty soon. Good luck with the rest.

Somebody shoot me...


Gaaaah! This sucks! This really fuckin' sucks! Ugghhh! Why am I stuck playing fuckin' errand boy with you? That's what I really wanna know!

Well, only one more stop and we will be done. Let's see... Receive firearms on order from Sister "PW" Deegan of the Rip-Off Church.


Hello.

Hey, yo, bitch! It's Rebecca from the Lagoon Company! Open this fuckin' door, you old skank! Hello!

Ah, hello. Hello! Open the door, you old skank! Ah, ah, hello! Hello! Open the door, you old skank! I'll kill you! I'll kill you!

You've always been too damn loud. Just put those in the shed for now, you got it?

But these are cleaned items. Are you sure that's where you want them?

It's OK. It's what the Sister wanted. Hey, Two-Hands, that's the chapel. I can't let your kind walk through there. Over here. Follow me.


Oh my... This certainly is a surprise... I never thought I'd see the day when Dutchy-Boy would send you on an errand.

That's none of your business. Now I want you to to tell us if you got the goods we ordered, Sister.

Right, new items from the eastern Europe arriving by way of Cambodia. Oh, but one item. Unfortunately, we're still waiting to receive the ARWEN 37 grenade launcher you ordered.

Now don't kid around, Sister.

Hmph.

The reason we ordered everything through you is because we need all of those items for the next job.

Well, quite frankly, we do have the item. It's just that a different customer is saying they need it immediately. I'm sure you can see my dilemma here. However... Lagoon is a good good customer, so I wouldn't mind handing it over to you despite the inconvenience. But I'd like a better deal for us or a discount on your services.

Don't fuck with us, Sister. Why don't you do the smart thing and play this one by the book, so everyone will be happy. You wouldn't wanna account your money with your feet, would ya?

I wouldn't make idle threats if I were you, Rebecca. If you insist, then why don't you bring Dutch-Boy around?

(growls)

That's all I have to say. There's nothing before, nothing after.

Step off, Eda, you limp-wristed bitch.

Let's see how much you talk, with a hole in your head.

(slurps) Ah. This is very good tea, Sister. Sister uhm...

It's Sister Yolanda, young man.

It's been a very long time since I've had tea that wasn't from a tea-bag. Is this W&M? Or perhaps this is... Fortnum and Mason?

My! You're very knowledgeable, aren't you? You're right, this is W&M. There's nothing nicer than a good cup of tea.

Yes. It takes a company with that kind of history and dedication to deliver such flavor without fail.

Rock, will you shut the fuck up!?

That's true for any company even if their products differ, am I right in saying that?

Hmm... I don't quite see it. What exactly are you getting at, young man? What is your point? Are you trying to imply that it's also true for illegal firearms? I'm afraid we won't have much of a negotiation if you get too hasty.

I'm talking about the drugs.

Huh?

That's what I'm getting at, Sister. Lately, drugs are being distributed outside the agreed-upon routes, did you know that, Sister? Hotel Moscow and other mafia in the city have made every effort to find the source. They've looked everywhere they could think of, but the culprits still haven't been found. And that's because there's a blind-spot - somewhere they shouldn't have to look. For instance, those who can freely cross borders under the auspices of the Church. Or NGO members who don't even know they're being used as mules. It strikes me that these people are being overlooked. Sister Eda. Why did you have those men leave the clean linens in the shed? Aren't cleaned items normally taken to the living quarters?

Young man, you can't make statements based on mere conjecture. You make it sound like the stuff's coming from this place.

It's just a hypothesis. Also, we could talk about weapon shipments. The amount of weapons entering and leaving this place - they don't seem to add up, if you know what I mean. That's easy to figure out with a little research. It was dangerously easy to see, actually. One last thing. The Lagoon Company is of course on friendly terms with Hotel Moscow, but I wouldn't say we necessarily work together, either.

Hmm... (chuckles) I see your point. If you improve your timing a bit, then you'll really take shape. Eda.

Yes, Sister?

He's a bit rough, but he passes. Add the ARWEN to the list.

OK.

Dutchy-Boy has a good eye. I can't imagine where he found you. It's almost time for mass. I apologize, but you'll have to be on your way. Young man. Come visit us again sometime soon.

You got lucky, this time.

Go to hell, bitch.

Pff!

My dear. You could learn a thing or two from that young man, you know. In the end, waving your gun around doesn't work. You'll never do good business like that. (laugh)

Go fuck yourself.


BLACK
LAGOON


Oh, man... We should've timed this a little better. It's crowded. Let's eat before it gets cold.

I don't want to eat.

Try it. The meal will make you feel better.

Why don't you give me the keys? I'll go home on my own.

If you do that, I can't get back.

Why don't you walk?

That's not going to happen.

Know what? You should go back to Japan. You're just not cut out for this.

Well, you're the one who invited me.

Yep, really fucked up there.

I wonder. Maybe you can tell me who kept the church from becoming a bloodbath today? It's just like that old lady said, you can't solve everything with a gun.

I'm warning you... You better watch what you say, Rock.

You've been like this ever since the submarine.

Humph.

Was it our talk?

Who cares! I told you never to talk about that again.

Revy. I'm not going to apologize anymore.

(gasps)

(slurps)

I musta misheard you. You better hope I did, otherwise you're a fuckin' dead man.

Is that so? In that case, I'll say it again! I didn't make any mistake! I've nothing to apologize for! That's what I'm saying!

That's a shame... You just stepped on a non-negotiable, big ass fuckin' landmine.

Duh... Wha-? Waahh!

Like I said... a real shame. There's just one last thing I need to ask you. What do you want on your tombstone, cocksucker?

Why don't you write, "There's no cure for a fool with a gun."?

Well, Rock, goodbye. See ya.

(growls) See that? There are some problems you can't solve with a gun.

(growls) You bastard!

Who are you calling "bastard"!? My name is Rock! You got that?! Fuck! I've had more than my fill of this shit! I've had enough! I thought I was done with kissing ass for a living, but here I am at the ends of the Earth, now I'm supposed to be kissing your ass?! What kind of sick joke is this?!

You fuckin' spoiled, arrogant son of a-

It's ROCK! And arrogant? Who the hell are kidding?! Why don't you try taking a good look at yourself!? Aren't you supposed to be some kind of outlaw, a wild pirate?! But as soon as you open your mouth, all I ever hear you talking about is, "Money, money, money"! You'd think you'd be some hard-ass villain after the big prize, but you end up scavenging off corpses instead! Is there any fucking limit to how greedy you can be!? Are you really that pathetic?! Don't you have any pride left in you?!

You really think you can judge me, Mr. White-Collar!? What do you know about my life, huh?! What the hell do you know about me?! Go on! Why don't you tell me!? A guy like you who spent his life in a safe little bubble has no idea what I've been through!

You're right. There's no way I can know that. I'm not you, after all. But still, let me ask you this: Other than the fact that I'm white-collar, what do you know about me? It doesn't matter who you are, or how you live. We all have to suffer, right? You have no intention of understanding that! Instead of owning up to things, you'd rather play the part of the tragic heroine. That's the most cowardly thing about you, Revy.

SHUT UP! It's convenient for you to see it like that! God damn it! This isn't one of those cheap picaresque Hollywood films you love to talk about! There are no heroes in this life!

(siren approaching)

And what's all this about pride? Fuck your pride! Look around you! It's shit as far as the eye can see! I hate to break it to you, but there is no fuckin' Robin Hood!

(siren wailing)

If there's no Robin Hood, then why don't you become Robin Hood? It's got to be better than feeling sorry for yourself, crying about your hard life.

Shut up. Shut the fuck up, dammit! I'm serious! I'll kill you!

Then do it. Keep chasing your tail like a dog, if that's what you want. If you kill me here, then you'll just end up proving me right.

That's all I know how to do!

(panting) Did you forget, Revy? ... The reason I ended up here, my bosses calmly cut my life away. I was an afterthought, and all for what - to protect their dirty money, their expense accounts, their place at the boardroom table. When you first invited me in, it was like waking up from a long sleep. My life had become the rush-hour commute, the fake laughing, lowering my head, risking my life to score points. And all of that was fine as long as I had a place to drink after work and a batting cage nearby. And then, just like that, none of that mattered anymore. The one person who shook me awake - the one who invited me in... it was you, Revy. What concerns me now, is that the one woman who showed me all of this is acting just like the people who betrayed me. I'm not gonna stand by and let that happen!

...I don't know what you're talking about. Goddammit. Ah, fuck it. You're a real pain in the ass, you know that? An idiot like you won't live long.

We're both idiots and we both suffer. Just leave it at that!

I'm pretty sure you're the biggest idiot here. Dumbass.

Getting mad!

Oooh, sounds scary! What're you gonna do, write a memo or somethin'?

Hey, you two!

Why don't you mind your fuckin' business?!

(siren blaring)

Surprise, surprise. I hear someone's making a ruckus at the market, and it turns out to be you again. Revy. This town isn't your private shooting gallery. Discharging your weapon without any concern for who's watching. And I'm the poor slob who's got to put out the fire.

Isn't that why we give you all those fat envelopes? Do I complain to you about my job, Chief?

I'm not saying don't do it, I'm just saying do it where no one's gonna see you. As long as you do that, I don't care if you kill people or play hide the apple for that matter. Outta sight, outta mind means that I don't have to cancel my golf dates and I can work on my short game in peace. Anyway, I'm bringing you in. There's paperwork to be taken care of on our side.

Fine by me.


Damn engine is giving me trouble. Urgh...

Drown your sorrows?

Thanks.


Hey Chief, don't go stealing our car.

I don't want that piece of shit. Come get it later.

Hey Rock.

Hmm?

Just one thing. Let me ask you this and there won't be any more trouble. So, um, I just wanna know which side you wanna be on...

Me? ...I'm right here where I'm sitting, Revy. I'm not anywhere else.

Rock. Give me a light.

Light? The cops got the lighter.

What are you talking about? You got one in your mouth.

Mm? Hm...

What a fucked up day that was...

No shit...

Damn... I'm so tired. I wanna go home and sleep.

Yeah...


<Preview>
They're planning to sell me off somewhere, aren't they?

Even if there is no justice, the world's gonna keep on turning.