Haruhi-chan > Episode 16

Haruhi-chan:
Hi everyone! Drop what you're doing and grabs those opts ad pans 'cause it's time for Haruhi Suzumiya's simple cooking show.

Kyon:
Yay!

Haruhi-chan:
The topic for today's show is easy to make super nutritious healthy fresh rich simple and inexpensive cooking.

Kyon:
Wow! That sounds ambitious and nutritious.

Haruhi-chan:
For today's recipe we're going to have to boil some instant ramen.

Kyon:
Hey! Isn't this supposed to be a healthy recipe?

Haruhi-chan:
But you'll have to open the package first. Yuki…

Kyon:
Ugh! That was unnecessary! That was completely and totally unnecessary!

Haruhi-chan:
That sucks! It's all broken. Looks like damaged goods.

Kyon:
Y'know the thing with the katana could also be to blame.

Haruhi-chan:
Oh well, whatever. We can just skip the step where Yuki chops it all up into quarters.

Kyon:
You were gonna throw it again?

Haruhi-chan:
Next we place all of the pieces of ramen into a pot of boiling water. Then we're gonna cook for fifty hours.

Kyon:
What? Cooking it for fifty hours isn't simple!!

Haruhi-chan:
Don't worry about it, I've got a batched of it already cooked. It'll look simple to the audience but they'll never know the truth.

Kyon:
That's not the problem!

Haruhi-chan:
Mikuru! Bring the you-know-what over here.

Mikuru:
Oh, okay! Waaaaaaah!

Haruhi-chan:
Okay, we're gonna just move on and pretend that this batch has been boiling for fifty hours.

Kyon:
Miss Asahina, duck down you're in the shot.

Haruhi-chan:
We put the noodles in a bowl. Boiling them for fifty hours has turned them all mushy but here's the good thing, now they're easier to digest so they're even better for you.

Kyon:
So, hang on a sec'. The noodles in that bowl were cooked the right amount of time but… Oh, never mind, I get where this is going.

Haruhi-chan:
Let's set this aside for now and get ready to put on the finishing touches. I don't know about you but I'm tired. I'll be right back right after these commercials.

Kyon:
Wait! We're got commercials?

Haruhi-chan:
You can do it.


Kyon:
Hey Nagato, what's up with the Katana anyway?

Koizumi:
I can explain that! Miss Suzumiya wanted a really sharp kitchen knife to have on set today so I got in touch with my organization and they gave me that.

Kyon:
Are you trying to get someone killed? I've never handled a real-life katana before, now that I'm holding one I sorta feel like cutting something.

Koizumi:
If you don't mind, would you please point that at someone else for a while?

Yuki:
Homing mode has been activated. You're now able to cut a target any way you wish.

Kyon:
Yeah?

Koizumi:
Why don't you try carving a human figure out of this daikon?

Kyon:
Okay, here goes nothing…

Yuki:
Carving a detailed form will cause a great deal of stress on your wrist. It is very dangerous for humans to use cutlery.

Koizumi:
Yes, cutlery! His wrists were bending in all sorts of interesting ways weren't they. Can you handle it without incident Miss Nagato?

Yuki:
Of course. I can carve miniature figures out of anything.

Koizumi:
That's amazing.

Kyon:
Okay, here I go again!

Koizumi:
You don't know when to give up do you?

Kyon:
Ha! After watching Nagato doing it I figured out exactly where I went wrong the last time.

Koizumi:
Okay then, if you really want to.

Kyon:
You have to do the cutting while the target's still in the air!!!

Koizumi:
And he's spinning.


Haruhi-chan:
Okay, we're back so let's hurry up and finish the soup already.

Kyon:
She's bored.

Haruhi-chan:
I got a bunch of healthy looking things here so I'm just gonna throw 'em in.

Kyon:
That's too vague!!

Haruhi-chan:
Cover it up and let the whole thing cook for five days.

Kyon:
Five days!!!

Haruhi-chan:
Okay Mikuru, try it again but without spilling.

Mikuru:
The last time I messed up but this time I'm going to do my job properly.