Squid Girl > 01a. How About an Inkvasion?

Squid Girl:
You'll pay for this. Mankind will pay.
So, now you'll have to suffer... the squid inkvasion... of your rotten surface world!



Eiko:
Hey, Sis, yakisoba ready?

Chizuru:
It sure is, Eiko. Here you go.

Eiko:
Here're those beers you ordered.

Customer:
I'll have a beer too!

Eiko:
You got it.

Squid Girl:
Listen up, humans. And listen good.
This land structure is now the base of operations for my inkvasion of mankind.
What's wrong? Shark got your tongues, scaredy-fish?
Well, there's no need to worry, minnows.
I'm not gonna gill any of you right now.
I'm just gonna make you suckers my dedicated servants.

Eiko:
All right. That's enough.

Squid Girl:
What do you want, human? Where do you ink you're taking me?
I demand to know!

Eiko:
Who are you and why are you dressed like that?

Squid Girl:
By squiddy, I guess I forgot to introduce myself.
I'm emissary of the sea. I am Squid Girl!
That was a disappointing reaction.

Eiko:
Why are you here at our shop?

Squid Girl:
Because it's the closest one to the ocean, silly.
From this base I will proceed to inkvade mankind!

Eiko:
And why do you really need to invade mankind?

Squid Girl:
That should be obvious!
Humans have forgotten how much the sea has done for them.
And have casually polluted it in pursuit of their own selfish desires.
Humans are cephastrophically bad for all those who live their lives in the ocean.
That's why I'm going to punish all of you! I'm gonna protect the ocean!

Eiko:
That's cool, but, today's kind of a busy day, you know.
I've got a lot of work to do. Maybe some other time.
See ya and be careful getting home!

Squid Girl:
Okay. Thanks a lot. See you later.
Hey, wait just a kraken minute!
You're fishing for big trouble if you think I'm just bluffing here!
Listen to me, sucker fish!

Chizuru:
Here's a yakisoba order. Please take it to table three right away.
This soy ramen's for table five.

Squid Girl:
Huh? Umm, yakisoba table three, ramen table five...

Customers:
Can I have some chopsticks?
Can I get some water please?
I'll have another one of these!
Abura soba and gyozas over here.

Squid Girl:
Hold your seahorses, will you.

Customers:
I want two strawberry flavored shaved ices.
A highball.
Peperoncini.
Deep fried chicken and pork dumplings.
And a rice bowl.

Squid Girl:
Okay, okay.

Customer:
Could you take this away, please?

Squid Girl:
Yeah, all right.

Customers:
Two yakisobas to go.
I'd like to return this swim ring.
Ice cream, please.
Three gyozas.
I need to pick up my things.
Do you have a shower here?

Squid Girl:
Oh my tentacles...
I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

Eiko:
Don't touch that! You could cut yourself on that.
We don't want any injuries.

Squid Girl:
I messed up. But insquid of scolding me she showed concern for me.
She looks scary but she's surprisingly nice.

Eiko:
Go on. I've got this covered. You deal with orders.

Squid Girl:
Right. I'm your squid.
Wait a minute. What's wrong with this picture!?
I'm not here to work a stupid job! I'm here to exact punishment by inkvading humanity!

Eiko:
Find. All right. Whatever you say.
But if you're not gonna work then go home and stop distracting us.

Squid Girl:
This isn't a game. This is serious. I've really come here to inkva--

Eiko:
Yeah, yeah, I know. To inkvade humanity.
How many customers do you think we have in there today?

Squid Girl:
How many... a lot? A big boatload?

Eiko:
We have thirty at the moment.
If you can't even handle that many what makes you think you can handle invading all of mankind?

Squid Girl:
Huh?

Eiko:
A successful invasion means you'll have to figure out how to rule 6.4 billion people on the planet by yourself.

Squid Girl:
Billion...

Eiko:
How many did you think there were?

Squid Girl:
Well, only about a thousand or so...

Eiko:
And you thought you'd be able to handle a thousand people?
You also realize that if you go up against humanity you'll have to take on the world strongest military powers.
Can you handle that all on your own?

Squid Girl:
What the gill is a military?

Eiko:
Are you serious? Do you have firearms?

Squid Girl:
These?

Eiko:
How about missiles?

Squid Girl:
You mean miso?
Stop messing with me! I don't know what you're talking about!
I've never set tentacle on the surface before!

Eiko:
Now she can't even deal with one mosquito and she's gonna invade mankind?

Squid Girl:
Oh, yeah. I'll show you what happens when I really get kraken!
Watch that spot!
Did you see that? I've got the tentacles so get it done!
Well then, it looks like that was so scary that you can't even speak.

Eiko:
You, jerk!
You busted a big hole right the wall of our store!

Squid Girl:
Why should you give a fin? I mean, this place is mine now anyway.

Eiko:
It is not yours!
Let me get this straight.
You can move these things around at will?

Squid Girl:
You bet your beak I can! They have speed, power, reach and delicacy.
My eight arms and two tentacles never fail to precisely hit their target.
Easy as catching slow fish in a barrel.
Humph. Of course that's just squid common sense, you know.

Eiko:
Not for any squid that I've ever seen.
So, you said you're gonna make this place your base of operations?

Squid Girl:
Yeah, I did.

Eiko:
Fine by me.

Squid Girl:
Really? You mean that?

Eiko:
Sure.

Squid Girl:
I don't understand why I have to work my gills off for you.

Eiko:
To pay for the hole. It puts those tentacles to good use.

Chizuru:
This is great. It's nice to have a new employee.

Squid Girl:
Oh, squid is me!