Ed:
Well, we're here.

Al:
Yeah.
What's the matter?

Ed:
What do you think is the matter? Once again I'll have to listen to Colonel Sarcasm. Tell me how I screwed up.
''Struck out on the Philosopher's Stone again, huh? How am I supposed to keep funding this goose-chase? Money doesn't grow on trees there, chief. Ed? Where'd you run off to? Oh wait, there you are! I couldn't see you there behind my paperwork, seeing as how you're so short and all.''
I know. We're already here so I might as well get the verbal abuse over with. Let's go. Al? Hey Al? Al!

Al:
Coming, Brother!

Ed:
What are you up to?
What was that?

Al:
Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only truth.


Havoc:
What's the problem, Breda?

Breda:
Havoc, be careful! It's on the loose! There's nothing protecting us! Over there! Over there!

Hawkeye:
Care to explain this, Falman?

Falman:
It is a dog, Lieutenant. Carnivorous Canine Mammal. I believe the scientific name is-

Hawkeye:
That's not what I'm asking, Falman. You need to loosen up.

Falman:
Yes, sir, Lieutenant Hawkeye. I will continue to work on that.

Fuery:
Sorry, sirs. I found him this morning. He was all on his own.

Falman:
M.S.G. Fuery!

Havoc:
So, you gonna keep him?

Fuery:
I wish I could, Lieutenant Havoc. But as I'm sure you're aware, there's no pets allowed in the NCO living quarters.

Hawkeye:
Well, that certainly doesn't mean you can keep him in the office, Kain.

Fuery:
I know it, I just... he was shivering out in the rain, and I felt sorry for him. You're higher-ups, you could keep him.

Falman:
Not me, I'm in the dorms, too.

Breda:
No way. I hate those beasts.

Havoc:
Don't worry. I'll take him off your hands. I like dogs.

Fuery:
Thank you, Lieutenant. He's really sweet.

Havoc:
Sure, I hear they're good when stir-fried. A few spices... Yes, sir, here in the east, they raise 'em as a delicacy, especially these plump ones.

Hawkeye:
Let's try to find him a better owner, okay?

Fuery:
Good plan.

Havoc:
Please, it was a joke.

Ed:
So, uh... Should I come back later?

Hawkeye:
Hey Edward, Alphonse! I guess this means you're back.
Strange.

Ed:
Excuse me. Al and I need to talk.

Hawkeye:
Edward, I believe you have a report to make.

Ed:
Thanks for the reminder, sir, I'll speak with the Colonel now.
Al, be rational. We don't have the means to care for it. You can't just go picking up any stray you see.

Al:
It's not any stray. He called to me. He's wet, and hungry. Can't we keep him?

Ed:
No, Al! Now go put it back where you found it!

Al:
Jerk! I hate you, brother! You're not even human!

Ed:
Come on, Al, don't run. Think of the kitten.

Al:
I know! I am! I'm the only one who is!

Mustang:
Wow, Ed. You really have made some bang for our buck.

Ed:
Don't start that with me, okay? You're the one who told me to go to Liore for a Stone that turned out to be fake.

Mustang:
That's true, but I didn't ask you to unseat their favorite prophet.

Ed:
Yeah, and now a town ripe for uprising is under the rule of the military again. Wait a minute! Is that what you were planning all along?

Mustang:
You know I've heard an odd rumor about Xenotime, and its land baron, Mugear. Apparently he's missing, and his mansion collapsed.

Ed:
Yeah Xenotime, now where is that again? That's a city, right?

Mustang:
Maybe I should have you file a report on the Red Water, too. I almost forgot. We had a little inquiry from a detective in Aquroya. So tell me. Is it true Psiren's a real ''ten'' under the mask?

Ed:
So you know everything I do, is that what you're trying to tell me? Great, I'm glad we had this talk.

Mustang:
Settle down, Edward. You could at least look like you're following orders.

Ed:
Why, so I can turn into another one of your toadies? We've got other objectives, you know.

Mustang:
Like the Philosopher's Stone? It's been three years, and you haven't gotten any closer.

Ed:
I'm going to find it, no matter what.
Colonel, tell me if the name Marcoh rings any bells for you. He's a doctor and alchemist who showed up in Xenotime with no background, five years ago. Apparently he cured the poisoning caused by the red water, which no one else could do, using some kind of alchemy. You always seem to know a little about everything, and the military's bound to have a file on someone that skilled.

Mustang:
The name isn't familiar, no. But I'll check on it.

Hawkeye:
Company, sir.

Mustang:
What brings me this pleasant surprise, Brigadier General?

Grand:
As of today, we'll be taking over this East HQ as our temporary Central Command.

Mustang:
May I ask what's wrong with the one in Central, sir?

Bradley:
I know, Mustang, I asked the same thing. Sorry for the hassle. Everybody at ease, now.

Mustang:
Fuhrer Bradley, welcome sir.

Grand:
Your job is not to ask questions, Colonel. The Fuhrer and his staff will run this place, both to operate as central command, and to observe the region. I trust you'll make us comfortable.

Havoc:
Look at all those chains. Those are for the silver pocket watches they only give out to State Alchemists, aren't they?

Breda:
Yeah. Means every one of these guys is a full-fledged alchemist.

Hughes:
Look, can you believe how big Elicia's gotten? She can even ride a tricycle now. She follows me everywhere on that thing, like my own escort of cuteness.

Ed:
Yep. You're the same as ever Major; nice and insane.

Hughes:
I've got more pictures. Want to see?

Ed:
Maybe later, okay? Anyway, if you knew this transfer was gonna happen, you could have warned Mustang.

Hughes:
Not a chance! I had to see the look on Roy's face. Oh, by the way... I'm a Lieutenant Colonel now. Got me in charge of Court Marshal investigations.

Ed:
Sounds fun-filled beyond belief. Shouldn't you be in Central, then?

Hughes:
Why, so I can work in a bunch of empty offices? All the major big-wigs are fleeing Central fast as they- Never mind. Uh... how's that search been going for the, uh-- You-know-what Stone?

Ed:
Well, we're closer, or I'd like to think we are. Right now I'm looking for a guy named Marcoh who might have answers for me. But I can't get Mustang to tell me what he's got on him.

Hughes:
Well, have you considered he might not have anything?

Ed:
No, Roy Mustang's hiding stuff from me. I can definitely tell.

Grand:
Did I hear you say the name Marcoh, Fullmetal?

Hughes:
Brigadier General Grand.

Ed:
The Iron Blood Alchemist. What do you want?

Grand:
What do you want with Marcoh? He's a filthy deserter. Six years ago, a brigade of State Alchemists were called on to neutralize the Eastern Rebellion. And Marcoh was in their ranks. But he went AWOL before the battle was done. The coward's been missing ever since.

Mustang:
A deserter? Don't know him sorry.

Ed:
Doctor Marcoh? Nope. Doctor Marcoh? Not here. Damn it! Wouldn't you know it, he's been erased from all the record books! Clearly Mustang knows, but he's not talking. I'll have to beat it out of him.

Al:
A fight? You couldn't get away with that.

Ed:
Your stomach purring?

Al:
Yes. I mean no. I mean... you know, it's still raining outside!

Hughes:
Ed, I forgot to mention something earlier, what with the pictures-

Ed:
Get to the point.

Hughes:
Fine. I will. Rude little... As I was saying, due to conditions, your Assessments will be held here, Ed.

Ed:
Assessments?

Al:
You mean, to renew his State Alchemy certification?

Hughes:
I'll tell you later about all your options.

Ed:
I've got it, Major!

Hughes:
Lieutenant Colonel!

Ed:
Seriously! I know the perfect way to show off my skills. Right?

Al:
Oh no.


Fuery:
Battle Assessment. Sounds weird.

Falman:
Does the army really do that?

Havoc:
Yeah, sometimes. The alchemists go up against each other in a mock battle. And they're graded on how they use their skills. I just think it's weird Ed actually requested it.

Falman:
Yeah, and picking the Colonel, that's a heck of an opponent to take by choice. Seriously, though. Who do you think would win, if they were both really giving their all?

Fuery:
Are you kidding? It's gotta be the Flame.

Havoc:
I don't know. You can't count out Fullmetal, either. The kid's a hero in this region. Then again, when you think about all the stories of Mustang during the Rebellion...

Fuery:
But why would Ed propose this to begin with? It's so risky.

Hawkeye:
I heard it was for a cat. The conditions are that if Ed wins, Mustang has to take care of it.

Fuery:
A cat? I guess that's bad news for this guy. I was hoping the Colonel would take him.
Sir?

Mustang:
Dog, huh? I love dogs!

Fuery:
Really? You mean it?

Mustang:
Of course. Dogs embody loyalty. They follow their master's commands above all else. Be a jerk to them, and they don't complain. And they never once beg for a paycheck. Trust me, Fuery, they're the great servants of man! Loyal Canine, How We Salute Thee!

Havoc:
Well, you're awfully manic today, sir. I figured that challenge would worry you some.

Mustang:
Come on, the Fuhrer knows it wouldn't be fair with me against the kid. I'd love to show off my valor, but there's no way he's gonna allow it.

Bradley:
That sounds like a very interesting fight. I'm going to allow the Battle Assessment.

Mustang
But Fuhrer...

Hughes:
Fuhrer's spoken, Colonel. You can use the Parade Grounds. That way you won't have to worry about all the collateral damage.

Grand:
What's wrong, Mustang? You're sure of your own skills, aren't you?

Bradley:
Go on, fight Fullmetal. I think it's going to be a lot of fun.

Mustang:
You can't say I didn't try to protect the kid. But I'll dutifully obey my orders, at least until I become Fuhrer and every one of them is obeying me.

Hawkeye:
Be more discreet about those declarations, sir. Some would call them treason.

Havoc:
She's right, chief. It's a presumptuous thing to say. You got a death wish, or something?

Mustang:
That's a stupid question, Havoc. I say it because it's true. And when I'm Fuhrer, there'll be changes. That day, all female officers will be required to wear tiny miniskirts!

Havoc:
You're a miracle, Mustang! I'll follow you the rest of my life!

Mustang:
Yes.

Hughes:
Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to the Eastern Command Center Festival, a guaranteed break from that soldier grind! Incidentally, take a look.
My daughter, who turned three this year! Isn't she adorable?
Oh no, don't fall on Daddy! Elicia!
And now, without further distraction, we move directly to the day's main event! In the red corner, the Flame Alchemist, and hero of the Eastern Rebellion. Colonel Roy Mustang, give it up!

Man:
Boo!

Man:
You just want a promotion!

Man:
Give me back my girlfriend!

Hughes:
In the blue corner, the Fullmetal Alchemist, and living legend of the people! Let's hear it for Edward Elric!

Man:
What? Where? I can't see him!

Man:
Working grade-schooler's more like it! Good luck, bean sprout!

Ed:
Don't call me small! I'll break down your feet and stick 'em on your head!

Al:
Calm down.

Ed:
Okay, Al, you're right. Today's a great day. The day I beat Mustang's pompous mug in front of the whole army and get some damn respect.

Al:
But we're indebted to him, brother.

Ed:
He's asked for it. Saying he knows all we do, acting like he'd let our secret out, then not telling me what I need to know!

Al:
So what's your strategy? I told you. A fist in his face!
This assessment means nothing to me. If I win, you'll tell me all you know about Marcoh. And let's not forget, you'll have a new cat.

Hughes:
Alchemists, get set. Ready, and fight!

Ed:
What?

Mustang:
Too slow.

Ed:
Damn it, that was a cheap shot!

Mustang:
''A soldier favors haste over cleverness,'' means there are no cheap shots, Edward. Strike quickly and you'll end it quickly, too.

Fuery:
Those flames are coming outta' nowhere. How does he do that?

Havoc:
Oh, this is the first time you've seen the Colonel fight? His right glove's made of special material, called ignition cloth. When he snaps, it makes a spark. After that, he uses alchemy to change the oxygen density in the air, and boom; bombs on command.

Ed:
Just wait till I stop running! Sorry.

Mustang:
Well I guess I can't torch you all. This is hard. He's such a small target.

Ed:
Who are you calling small?

Mustang:
If your opponent is of choleric temper, seek to irritate, and never fall for an enemy's taunts.

Man:
You've got to be kidding!

Mustang:
Okay, maybe I overdid it. Need more?

Ed:
Cheap shot!

Mustang:
Damn.

Ed:
Without that glove, you can't make flames anymore, can you? That's advantage Elric.

Mustang:
All war is deception. Think your enemy has a weakness, and it becomes his strength. Remember that.

Ed:
Just end it.

Mustang:
You don't have to ask.

Bradley:
All right. That's far enough. An excellent fight by two skilled alchemists.

Mustang:
We are honored by your compliment, Fuhrer.

Ed:
Don't stop us now. We're not done yet.

Bradley:
That may be true, but if I let you go on, it would be much harder for just the two of you to clean up.

Hawkeye:
They don't have a choice but to spend time together now. The Fuhrer ordered them both to fix the mess.

Mustang:
This is the reason I tried to avoid the fight, Ed.

Ed:
What happened? Why'd you hesitate at the end? I don't need anyone to cover for me. If you had time to beat me, you should have done it.

Mustang:
This goes back more years than I care to admit, but there was something called the Ishbal Rebellion.

Ed:
Part of the Eastern Rebellion, right? When the people of Ishbal clashed with the military?

Mustang:
I saw my share of really terrible things.
Doctor Marcoh, the deserter, he was the smartest one among us. I still think so, even now.

Ed:
Is that why you kept quiet about him, out of respect?

Mustang:
But maybe I was wrong not to tell you. You should pay him a visit. So you'll know for yourself.

Ed:
You mean he's alive? Colonel, you still haven't told me yet... Why you hesitated, and didn't finish me when you could. Never mind. You don't have to say.

Hawkeye:
Well, if you've got no other candidates... I guess I can handle him, Kain.

Fuery:
Really? That's awesome!
Sorry. Guess he's just relieved to have an owner.

Hawkeye:
Now, you won't be doing that again, will you, pup? See you've got a strict mommy now. The bathroom's out here. Got it, Black Hayate?

Fuery:
What's wrong with all you people?

Hughes:
About Liore, that desert town in Ed's report... Are you aware that General Hakuro's detachment has been dispatched over there? I hear it's turning into a pretty ugly civil war. Ed said their prophet, Cornello, had been removed as a sham, and the people would open their eyes. But a priest is still there, and going strong, and now he's calling his followers to this uprising. I can't say for sure if it's the same guy who Ed fought, though. You think you should send Ed in, to investigate?

Mustang:
Ed believes he saved that town. It's one of the first successes he had. I'll let him keep thinking that for a while. He'll learn the truth soon enough. We always do.

Ed:
After all the info the Colonel gave us on Marcoh, we can't ask him to keep this little guy, too. Equivalent Exchange, we'd end up owing too much.

Al:
Yeah. I know.

Ed:
I'm sorry, Al. It's just the best we can do.

Hustang:
So, isn't it about time you told me? I know you didn't all come here to observe us.

Hughes:
The bigwigs. They kept wearing the Fuhrer down, until he agreed to move us. It's the alchemist killer, Roy. There have already been five officer slayings in Central.

Man:
You won't win! They'll find you! You're a barbarian, nothing more!

Scar:
Time to head East.


Ed:
Fullmetal Alchemist.

Al:
Episode 14. Destruction's Right Hand.
I don't care about your cause, even if it's vengeance on all State Alchemists. I won't let you kill my brother.