Announcement:
Next up is the inter-club relay race.

Starter:
On your mark! Get set!

Kyon:
Here I go!

Yuki:
Here.


Haruhi:
Darn it. I wanted to come from last place and pass everyone at the end, but thanks to Yuki, we blew 'em away and left 'em choking on our dust.

Koizumi:
It was a fantastic effort though. I just hope the track team doesn't lose their confidence because of our excellence.

Kyon:
Come on, guys. This isn't funny at all. Everybody's gonna think we're weirder now than ever they did before.

Although it's a little late to be worrying about that.
And yes, the outfits and headbands with odd phrases were all Haruhi's idea, but I bet you knew that already.
Why are we doing this again?
Okay, that's it. Can I change out of this thing now?

Taniguchi:
You and Miss Suzumiya's band of freaks are still the weirdest cats in school.
It's epic stuff, my brother, keep up the good work, ya hear?

Kyon:
Cut it out. I'm doing everything I can to be as low-profile around here as possible.

Taniguchi:
Running in that outfit was definitely low-profile, sir.

Kyon:
Well, it wasn't easy, let me tell you.

Taniguchi:
Yeah, I think you're sort of missing the point.

Kunikida:
I bet they're gonna stick a picture of you wearing that in [the] year book. Can't wait to see that.

Kyon:
Gimme a break already.

Girl A:
Huh?

Girl B:
Who's that?

Girl A:
Ew!

Girl B:
Craps!

Taniguchi:
Did you see the one with the ponytail? She's such a cutie pie.
Yes, she likes me, (xxx)

Kunikida:
(xxx), I think (xxx)

Kyon:
Our never ending endless summer vacation had ended, and here we were, Second Term and having an athletic festival.
Of course, Haruhi wasn't gonna sit still on a beautiful day like today, just look at the poor souls left in the wake.
Yeah, that's Haruhi. She sure loves her festivals, doesn't she?


Kyon:
Our bizarre day of athletic festivities was over. It was the beginning of a new month and our school art festival was right around the corner. And as you can see, everyone was busy getting ready for it.
By the way, if you're wondering what me and Haruhi's class were doing, check out the board. Yep, we [worst out] decided that our class project was gonna be some kind of survey.
Ever since Ryoko Asakura [called on call xxxx] left back in the spring term, there wasn't anyone crazy enough to take over the leadership duties of our class.

Haruhi:
We're going, Kyon.

Kyon:
So, with a level of disinterest bordering on apathy, I found myself once again trudging over to the clubroom.
Why?
Well, I'll tell you one, it's all because the girl who's marching along beside me said the following..,

Haruhi:
I can't believe our project is gonna be a survey. That's gotta be the dumbest idea I've ever heard.
Why did they have to go and pick the least fun thing to do?

Kyon:
Well, maybe you should've said something about it when you had a chance.
Didn't you see that class, and that look on Mr. Okabe's face? It was like someone had died.

Haruhi:
Uh, whatever. It wasn't like I was gonna participate in anything the class was doing anyway.

Kyon:
Hm. Although, I think I remember you having something to do with our class winning the track and field championships.

And if I'm not mistaken, weren't you the one who entered every event and won all of them? That was you, wasn't it?
You took part in most of the track-related competitions and won all of them, right?
Or was that someone else?

Haruhi:
This and that are two different things. I'm talking about the school art festival.
It's like the most important super event we get in a year.

Kyon:
Oh, it is, is it?

Haruhi:
Absolutely! And this year, we're gonna do something so cool. It's gonna blow everyone's mind!

Kyon:
The look on Haruhi's face when she said that, full of confidence and shining brightly, it must've been what Hannibal looked like as he crossed the Alps during the Second Punic War.

Haruhi:
It's the school art festival! So get with the program and act more excited about it.
This is the only chance we get to experience this as tenth graders.

Kyon:
I know, I got it. But I just don't see the point in getting all riled up about it.

Haruhi:
But if you don't get all riled up about it, there's no point in doing it.
All the school festivals I've ever been to were like that.

Kyon:
Did you guys go all out at your old junior high or something?

Haruhi:
Not even. They were all pretty lame.
That's why I want all my high school festivals to be exciting.

Kyon:
Then, what'll it take to make this one exciting for you?

And please explain it so that I can understand.

Haruhi:
Oh, all right. I'll tell you about it when we get to the clubroom.

Kyon:
The scent of lavender.

Mikuru:
Oh, hello there.

Kyon:
I thought the flowers were blooming.

Mikuru:
I'll go prepare some tea, okay?

Kyon:
Oh, don't trouble yourself.

Haruhi:
Stop it. You look like a dirty old man.
Hey, Mikuru. Where's Koizumi?

Mikuru:
He hasn't come by yet. I think he's running late.

Haruhi:
Mikuru, what's holding up the tea?

Mikuru:
I'm bringing it now!

Haruhi:
Mikuru.

Mikuru:
Y-Yes?

Haruhi:
Don't you remember all that stuff we talked about before?

Mikuru:
Huh? What do you mean?

Haruhi:
I mean, whenever you serve tea, you have to try to make sure you're tripping and stumbling at least a third of the time.
You know you're not acting like a klutzy maid at all!

Mikuru:
Huh? Oh, s-sorry...

Kyon:
What's up with her? Does she think all maids have to be clumsy or something?

Haruhi:
Don't worry. Today is your lucky day. You get to go and practice on Kyon.
Your goal is to get the cup to land upside-down on his head!

Mikuru:
Really?

Kyon:
Miss Asahina, Haruhi's the only person who's gonna think a joke like that is funny.

You should know that by now.

Haruhi:
Hey, dummy, I never joke about stuff like that. I am always super serious!

Kyon:
If that's the case, then we're in big trouble.

Haruhi:
All right, Mikuru. I'll demonstrate the proper technique, and then it's your turn.

Mikuru:
But I... Huh?

Kyon:
Hey. Hold it.

Haruhi:
Hey, you! Stop interfering!

Kyon:
Are you crazy? I'm not gonna just sit here and do nothing while you pour boiling water on my head?

Haruhi:
Humph!

Mikuru:
Here you are.

Kyon:
Oh, Nagato.
If she made Taniguchi a cup, he'd cherish it for three days.

Koizumi:
I'm sorry, everyone. Homeroom ran a little late today.
I hope our meeting wasn't delayed too long because of my tardiness.

Kyon:
Wait, what meeting?

What's he talking about?

Haruhi:
Yeah, I forgot to tell you, but I let everyone else know about it at lunch today.
I guess I just figured I'd tell you whenever.

Kyon:
How come you have the time to go to their classrooms and tell them? I sit right in front of you all day long, telling me couldn't be any easier.

Haruhi:
Yeah, like it even matters. The problem isn't so much when you found out about it, it's what you're going to do about it!

Kyon:
Was that supposed to be profound?

Haruhi:
The SOS Brigade's gotta start thinking now about what we're gonna do next.

Kyon:
Are we talking about "now", "now" or "later"?
And by "we", did you mean we as in us or we as in you?

Haruhi:
Everyone in here's gonna participate. This is an SOS Brigade event, after all.

Kyon:
And by that you mean...?

Haruhi:
We were just talking about it--the school art festival. What else is going on around here?

Kyon:
Right. Well, that's something the whole school's involved in.
And if you're so hot and bothered about being the main attraction, you should've signed up to be on a festival staff.

They probably can use all the help they can get.

Haruhi:
That's a total waste of time!
We have to do something that's up to SOS Brigade's standards.
I worked hard to build this brigade into the coolest thing the school's ever seen.
Everyone knows about us, we've got a reputation to uphold.

Kyon:
It's easy for you, 'cause all you do is come up with crazy schemes. Miss Asahina and I have to suffer through them.
Koizumi just sits there, smiling like a weirdo, and Nagato never helps the brainstorming.
I'm the normal one here, she should consider that for a change.

Haruhi:
We have to do something that lives up to their expectations.

Kyon:
Now what exactly does anyone expect from the SOS Brigade?
I know, let's take a survey and find out.

Haruhi:
Hey, Mikuru. What's your class gonna do?

Mikuru:
My class? Umm, a yakisoba café.

Haruhi:
I bet that means you're gonna be a waitress, huh?

Mikuru:
How did you know about that? Everyone in my class said I'd be perfect for it.

Haruhi:
Hmm... What about you, Koizumi?

Koizumi:
Well, my class decided it would be fun if we put on a play.
But we're debating whether to do a classic or something original.

Kyon:
Now they sound like a lively bunch of people. And pretty annoying.

Haruhi:
Oh... And Yuki?

Yuki:
Fortune telling.

Kyon:
Really?

Yuki:
Yes.

Kyon:
Nagato telling fortunes? Or telling futures?

Oh, I got a great idea! How about this?
Let's mix everything together and do a survey-cafe-fortune telling theater.

Haruhi:
Stop being a dork, and let's get this meeting started already.

Kyon:
Not sure what you want us to look at. There's nothing written on it yet.

Haruhi:
Just hold your horses.
Hey, Mikuru. Since you're the secretary, make sure you write everything down.

Mikuru:
Uh... okay.

Kyon:
I didn't know Miss Asahina was our secretary.
I doubt anyone knows, 'cause it's something Haruhi just came up with.

Haruhi:
We, the SOS Brigade, are gonna show a movie at this year's festival!

Kyon:
Huh?

I have absolutely no idea what goes on inside that head of hers.
And I don't wanna know. This is typical Haruhi, however...

How in the heck is this a meeting? It's like you're on a soapbox giving a political speech.

Koizumi:
This is normal for us.

Kyon:
Too close!

Koizumi:
It looks like Miss Suzumiya decided on what we were gonna do right from the beginning.
And negotiations are out of the question.
But I wonder why she decided on a movie.

Kyon:
Maybe she saw a really bad flick on TV last night, and then the movie was specially horrible, it could've put her on a lousy mood or something.

Haruhi:
You know, there's something I've always wondered about.

Kyon:
I wonder what's inside your head.

Haruhi:
How come on TV shows when they get to the last episode someone dies?
That always feels really fake to me. I mean, their death's so convenient. It's weird.
I guess that's why I can't stand shows or movies or anything where a character dies at the end.
I would never make a movie that ended like that.
Mmhmm. That's what I mean. Now do you get it?

Kyon:
What do you mean "that's what I mean"?
All you said was that we're gonna be showing a movie.
Where is this movie coming from?

Haruhi:
Oh, Kyon. You're not very smart, are you?
We are gonna make our own movie, and then we're gonna show it at the school art festival.
And the credits's gonna read "Presented by the SOS Brigade"!

Kyon:
When exactly did we become the movie club?

Haruhi:
What are you talking about? We're still the SOS Brigade.
Nobody said we turned into the movie club.

Koizumi:
I think I understand what's going on.
She's saying we're going to shoot our own movie, and then screen it during the art festival.
That's the plan, isn't it?

Haruhi:
That is the plan!

Mikuru:
But, um... why did you decide to shoot a movie?

Haruhi:
If you really wanna know, I was having trouble falling asleep last night.
I turned on the TV, and this crappy movie was on.

Kyon:
I knew it.

Haruhi:
It had to be the worst movie I've ever seen in my whole life.
It was so bad for a sec that I was thinking about crank-calling the director.
And that's when it hit me, "If that's the best they can do, I can definitely make a better movie!"

Mikuru:
Uh-huh?

Haruhi:
So I figured "What the heck? Let's go for it!"

Kyon:
If you wanna be a director or a producer, that's fine with me. Good for you, God speed and so on and so forth.
But some of us might have other things we'd like to do, you know?

Haruhi:
What do you mean?

Kyon:
What would you do if we said that we didn't feel like doing this?
I mean, think about it, you can't make a movie with just a director.

Haruhi:
Don't worry about that. I'm almost done with a script.

Kyon:
Yeah, I don't think you understood what I was talking about there.

Haruhi:
Oh, come on. Don't sweat the small stuff. Just follow my lead like always, and everything will be fine.
You don't have to worry about anything at all.

Kyon:
I'm worried.

Haruhi:
Just leave everything to me. I'm gonna plan the whole thing out.

Kyon:
Now I'm really worried.

Haruhi:
I said we're doing it, and that's that. Stop being so annoying.
Our goal is to be voted the number one event of the festival.
Maybe then, those jerks on the student council will recognize the SOS Brigade as a legitimate club.
No! We're gonna make 'em recognize us.
And to do that, we're gonna need to get the public on our side!

Kyon:
And how are we gonna pay for all this?

Haruhi:
We'll just dip into our funds.

Kyon:
What funds?

Haruhi:
We got the literary club's money.

Kyon:
But that's their money for their projects. You can't just decide to take it.

Haruhi:
Yuki, is it okay if I have your money?

Yuki:
Yes.

Haruhi:
Listen up, people!
Whatever your classes are doing, this is more important.
If anyone thinks different, we'll talk about it after the festival.
The director's will is supreme! Got it?

Kyon:
First she's the brigade leader, and now she's the director.
What'd she wanna be next? Please, please don't say god.

Haruhi:
Okay, we're done for today.
Since I'm producing this thing, I've got a lot to think about.
We'll go over all the details tomorrow.

Koizumi:
This isn't such a bad thing.
If you wanna know the truth, I'm actually quite relieved this is happening.
It's not like we have to catch a space monster for a slide show, or shoot down a UFO and make an exhibit out of it.
Besides, I'm a little curious to see what kind of movie Miss Suzumiya wants to shoot.
This should make for an interesting festival. Very interesting, indeed.

Mikuru:
Um? D-Did you want something?

Kyon:
Nothing. Just wondering what kind of costume Haruhi is gonna bring in next. That's it.

Shooting a movie, uh-oh.

A movie, huh?
To be honest, I was kind of interested in the idea. Not as much as Koizumi, though.
I guess at the very least I should try to be more psyched about it.

After all, I doubt anyone's expecting much.


Kyon:
I take back everything I said. I shouldn't have been psyched.
Because the next day after school, I became very, very sad.

So what exactly am I supposed to do on this thing?

Haruhi:
Take a look. It's on the board.

Mikuru:
Am I really supposed to be the heroine? Because if it's possible, I'd like to play a part that's less prominent...

Haruhi:
No way! You're gonna play the flashiest role ever.
Besides, you're kind of the Brigade's mascot.
Oh, and you might wanna start practicing your autograph.

When we have the premier, I bet you're gonna get a swarm by a ton of fans!

Kyon:
Where are you gonna hold the premier?

Mikuru:
But I've never acted anything before.

Haruhi:
Don't worry about a thing. I'm an awesome director.
I am a little concerned about Yuki and Koizumi, though.
They know this project takes priority, but they're still in class.
I have to give them a warning for showing up late.

Kyon:
It's a little odd that me and Miss Asahina were here on time and ready to go, though.

Hm? Miss Asahina, is it okay that you're here not at your class's meeting?

Mikuru:
Mmhmm. Since I'm just going to be a waitress, all I have to do is get fitted for my costume.
I'm kind of looking forward to it. Actually, I can't wait.

Kyon:
Miss Asahina's blushing smile proved that she's gotten used to cosplaying.
Well, at least now, she'll get to wear the proper costume for the proper occasion, more than she does for the SOS Brigade anyway.

Haruhi:
If you really wanna be a waitress. I can totally make that happen.
I got a bunch of costumes I can bring in for you. Just let me know, okay?
By the way, Kyon, what's the one thing every movie has to have before you start shooting?

Kyon:
Hm. Hmm... I guess it would be an original idea and a passion to tell a compelling story.

Haruhi:
No, you need a camera. How are we gonna shoot a movie without a camera?
I wasn't looking for one of your abstract answers.

Kyon:
That's fine, but I didn't wanna give you an answer that sounded too practical, either... whatever.

Haruhi:
Here's what we're doing next. Our mission is to go find ourselves a video camera.

Kyon:
Hm?

Mikuru:
M-Miss Suzumiya, there's something I have to do, so c-could I go back to my class?

Haruhi:
Shut up and sit down.
There's no need to worry.

Kyon:
I've yet to find any occasion when you told us not to worry and we really didn't have to worry.

Haruhi:
Look. It's not like I'm gonna use your body to pay for the stuff we need.
I just need your help today, that's all.

Kyon:
You're gonna tell us what you need her for.
If you don't, Miss Asahina and I'll refuse to get out of these chairs to help.

Haruhi:
We have to go look for sponsors.
They'd take us more seriously if we had the lead actress there.
And you're gonna come, too. I need some help carrying stuff.


Kyon:
It's supposed to be fall now, but the temperature hasn't cooled off.
I guess the planet has finally gone completely insane, 'cause it forgot to switch the season in Japan over to fall.
After we finished walking down the hill, we hopped on a local line, and took it for about three stops.
Our destination wasn't too far from the place with the cherry trees where Miss Asahina and I had that talk a while ago.


Haruhi:
We're here.

Kyon:

We are, indeed.

I guess this is the store she's planning on getting all our equipment from.
I wonder how she's gonna do it, though.

Haruhi:
You guys wait here. I'm gonna go inside and talk to the guy.
Here, hang on to this.

Kyon:
Okay.

I swear, if Haruhi does anything even remotely suspicious, I'm gonna grab Miss Asahina and split.
I should probably warn that relatively pleasant-looking man that nodding his head at whatever Haruhi saying is a very, very bad idea.

Mikuru:
I wonder what she's doing?

Kyon:
Dunno. She's probably asking about one of the high-end digital cameras he sells, knowing how she operates, I bet she's trying to get it for nothing, too.

She's definitely someone who would try to do something like that.
She's such a pain. Haruhi thinks her ideas and opinions are absolute.
And sometimes, she even thinks other people share her warped views about things.
Well, actually that pretty much happens all the time, so I guess you could say she just doesn't get it.
If you wanna go faster than the speed of light, make sure Haruhi is on your spaceship.
She'd just ignore the laws of relativity for you.

Mikuru:
Look. I think they finished.

Haruhi:
Ta-dah!
Our first mission was a success, and we're right on schedule.

Kyon:
I wanna know how you managed to get an expensive camera like this for free.
I hope you're not doing something crazy like blackmailing that poor old guy.

Haruhi:
No way. I just explained our situation to him, and he gave it to me.

Kyon:
If that's what really happened, tell me what you said. I want one, too.

Haruhi:
All I did was telling him we wanted to shoot a movie, then he just gave me the camera. No problem.

Kyon:
There's no problem now, but I have the feeling there will be later.

Haruhi:
Oh, stop worrying so much.
All you have to do is be my subordinate and do whatever I tell you to do.
Come on! Let's go to the next store.


Kyon:
I was beginning to understand.
Whenever Haruhi pointed at us, she was actually pointing at Miss Asahina.
I think the idea was for Miss Asahina to be the currency for all of the stuff Haruhi was getting.
I wonder if I should tell her.

Haruhi:
Ta-dah!

Kyon:
Now what you get?

Haruhi:
Weapons. Here.

Kyon:
What am I gonna do with these?

Haruhi:
We're gonna use them for our action scenes.
Nothing's more entertaining than flashy gun-fighting action.
In fact, I was even thinking we could blow up a whole building.
Which reminds me, do you know any place where we can get some dynamite?
How about that shop on the corner?

Kyon:
How would I know?
I'm pretty sure you can't buy it online, though.
What am I supposed to do with all this stuff anyway?

Haruhi:
It's too late to go back to school with it now, so just take it to home.
Don't forget to bring it to the clubroom tomorrow, though, okay?

Kyon:
Really?

Haruhi:
Yeah, really.

Kyon:
That's her special SOS Brigade smile, the one you don't see in class too often.
When I see that smile, I know I'll be doing damage control after some catastrophe she caused.
I'm like the "anti-Straw Millionaire"?

Mikuru:
Excuse me.