Haruhi>10. Remote Island Syndrome Part 1

Kyon:
Okay, I wanna know what you've got up your sleeve.

Koizumi:
Nothing. Really, there's nothing.
I know that the organization doesn't have anything to do with this, although I did report it to them.
Now we're just going on a little retreat.

Kyon:
A little retreat that you set up.
I'm just making sure nothing funny's going on.

Koizumi:
Miss Suzumiya was interested because it's a deserted island that's privately owned.
She said it was a closed circle or something.

Kyon:
Okay, what's a closed circle?

Koizumi:
Like in mysteries.
It's a situation where all contact with the outside world has been cut off.

Kyon:
Like a cabin in the mountains during a blizzard, or someone who can't get back to civilization because a typhoon destroyed the bridge.

Koizumi:
Exactly.
A personal group of people get trapped because of their surroundings.
In other words, they get closed in.

Kyon:
And How does that tie in this retreat we're taking?

Koizumi:
We're going to a deserted island.
It's the perfect closed-circle setting when you think about it; all we need is a storm to whip up around us, and voila, much better than a cabin in a blizzard.

Kyon:
You might be wondering why I'm chatting with Koizumi on the deck of the ship in the middle of the ocean.
This all started as I was recovering from getting my final exams back.
In other words, Black Monday.
On that fateful day, the SOS Brigade had a meeting.



Haruhi:
Good! Everyone's here.
Now, today's meeting is super important.
If any of you happened to show up after me, I was thinking of making that person "it" whenever we play kick-the-can forever.

Kyon:
Naturally, I had no idea we were having an important meeting today.
Huh...

Haruhi:
I decided, during the summer break, the SOS Brigade's going on its very first retreat!

Kyon:
Going on a retreat?

Haruhi:
Yep! Retreat.

Kyon:
What good is that gonna do any of us?

Haruhi:
And Koizumi's already planed our destination.

Koizumi:
Correct.
It just so happens that I have a distant relative who's incredible wealthy.
He has so much money that he actually bought his very own deserted island and built a summer house on it.
In fact, the construction was finished on it not too long ago.

Kyon:
Hm?

Haruhi:
Koizumi, get ready to hit the roof!
For your distinguished service and dedications to the Brigade, I'm promoting you to the rank up, Deputy Chief!

Kyon:
Uh...

Koizumi:
I gladly accept.

Kyon:
No, I'm not jealous!

Haruhi:
We'll have a luxurious three nights and four days on a deserted island!
And I'm sure we're going to find something very interesting waiting for us there.
In fact, I've already figured out what my role in this adventure is!



Koizumi:
Now then, let's think about detectives for a minute.
The great detectives in mystery novels always seem to find themselves getting involved in one incomprehensible situation after another.
Why do you think that is?

Kyon:
Because if they didn't, you wouldn't have a story.

Koizumi:
That's right. No story.
The cases are entirely fiction.
They exist only in a surreal world of that story.
Although maybe it's better if we don't get too wrapped up in a meta-fictional conversation just here.
I mean, after all, Miss Suzumiya seems pretty gung-ho about throwing herself into a world like that.

Kyon:
Come to think of it, she created the SOS Brigade to do just that.

Koizumi:
If you're in search of surreal happenings like the kind of mystery novels, you need to go some place that has the right environment for that kind of things.
When you think about it, that's how every single one of the great detectives in fiction got involved in their cases.

Kyon:
Yeah, but, there's no way we just stumble across a case that easy.

Koizumi:
True. Nothing ever happens in reality like a dozen stories.
However, the island we're heading for right now is a spot that everyone in the world would think the perfect place for a gruesome murder mystery.

Kyon:
Everyone in the world, huh?
What the heck of the world do you've got that spot?

Koizumi:
Look at this way; wherever a great detective goes, a strange case is practically guaranteed to happen.
See, it's as if all great detectives have a kind of supernatural power that attracts all the cases to them.

Kyon:
Are you sane?

Koizumi:
I always act with a reasonable amount of sanity.
All the stuff about great detectives, closed circles and stuff aren't my personal views on the subject.
I was merely pointing out the way Miss Suzumiya was thinking.
In other words, well, she wants to be one--a great detective.




Haruhi:
Hmm... this one!
So close!

Kyon:
What's close? We're playing Old Maid?

Haruhi:
Hurry! Next one!

Koizumi:
Too bad.

Kyon's Sis:
Hey, do you wanna know something?
My big brother Kyon tried to leave me at home.

Kyon:
That's because I didn't intend to bring you in the first place.

Kyon:
Hm! Huh? Uh!

Kyon's Sis:
Hehe...
No!


Mikuru:
We're all happy you're here now!

Kyon's Sis:
Yay!

Kyon:
She won't be any trouble, I promise.

Thanks to Miss Asahina's smile, the kid was off the hook.

Haruhi:
How much longer 'til we get there?

Koizumi:
It'll take about six hours by ferry.
Then, an acquaintance will be waiting to pick us up on when we arrive at the port.
From there, we'll board a private cruiser and it'll be another hour on the water.
A deserted island with a towering mansion will be waiting for us at the end of our trip.
I've never actually been there, so it'll be interesting to see what the mansion looks like.

Haruhi:
I bet it'll be a really strange building.
Hey, do you know the name of the architect who built it?

Kyon:
Why do you care?

Koizumi:
Never really thought to ask about that.

Kyon's Sis:
Yay! I'm out first!

Mikuru:
Amazing!

Koizumi:
Come to think of it, I did hear the architect they commissioned the design was somewhat famous.

Kyon:
Perfect. Somewhat famous.
For starters, if the mansion is anything like what Haruhi's expecting, I'm sure it's totally weird.
It'll probably look like something Antoni Gaudi built after drinking himself so stupid and staying up for three days straight.

Haruhi:
An island! A mansion!
It's the ideal location for the SOS Brigade's summer retreat!
Hmm...
Ho-ho!
I'm the third to get out!
How about the loser has to buy drinks for everyone else?
I'll take a can of one-hundred percent fruit juice please.

Kyon's Sis:
And I want some cola!

Koizumi:
And I'll be having a royal milk tea.

Kyon:
Hey, you haven't won yet, buddy.

Haruhi:
Yup, deserted islands are all about weird happenings.

Kyon:
I hope nothing happens.
I hope nothing happens.

Koizumi:
I'm not too sure about that.
Whether or not anything weird actually happens... I'm hoping that this trip will at least be a fun one for us all.

Haruhi:
Hey Mikuru, and Little Sister! Let's go up to the deck!
Maybe we'll see a monster squid or something.

Kyon's Sis:
Sure!
Squid, squid!

Kyon:
If a giant squid shows up, Nagato'll have to deal with it.
Oh brother...

Haruhi:
You dork, are you sleeping?
Come on, wake up!
Are you just gonna sleep through our entire trip?

Kyon:
Huh?

Mikuru:
I just took a picture of you waking up.
And I took a couple of you sleeping.
You were sound asleep, weren't you?

Kyon:
Really?
Why would Miss Asahina wanna take pictures of me sleeping?
Maybe she wants to put a picture of me in a cute frame, keep it next to her bed, and every night just before she drifts off to sleep, she...

Haruhi:
What's with that goofy face?
You might wanna stop, 'cause you look like a moron.
I've temporarily given Mikuru the responsibility of being the SOS Brigade's photographer!
It's important to maintain a record of the Brigade's activities for future generations.
But I decide what pictures to take.

Kyon:
Why would anybody care what I look like when I'm sleeping or when I'm waking up?

Haruhi:
Well, you're sleeping, the rest of us are on an important mission and I'm gonna use the pictures of you loafing as a warning to future generations.
You got it?
For a lowly member to lie around snoring while his leader is awake is against morals, orders and the rules of the Brigade!

We moved out, people!
A mysterious island awaits us.

Kyon:
A Mysterious island, indeed.
It's not Panorama Island or Infant Island, is it?
I hope this island doesn't float away or start to swim.
That'll gloom my day.(xxx)

Koizumi:
It'll be all right.
It's just a typical desert island.
Believe me, you can relax because there aren't any monsters or mad scientists anywhere--I'll promise you.
In fact, I'll guarantee it.

Kyon:
Guarantee that all you want.
I still don't trust you.



Koizumi:
Mr. Arakawa, it's been a while since I last saw you.
Miss Mori, thank you for coming to meet us.
I'm sorry for troubling you both.
Now, I'd like to introduce the two of you to my incomparable group of friends.

Arakawa:
The boat will be taking us right over here.
It should only take us about half an hour or so to reach the master's island.
My apologies in advance for any inconvenience.

Haruhi:
You kidding, I don't mind at all!
The more remote, it is the better!
Another half hour? Take as long as you need.
A deserted island in the middle of the ocean's exactly what I'm looking for!
Hey, you two should be totally excited about this.
This island's got a mansion and a suspicious looking butler and a maid!
What's with you guys?
I bet you maybe find two islands like this in Japan tops!

Kyon:
There aren't even two.

Mikuru:
Oh wow, that's so amazing.
I'm really looking forward to this.

Kyon's Sis:
Wow!

Kyon:
I wonder if Miss Asahina's trying to pick up some maid-is-this from Miss Mori.
She's looking at her so intensely.

Haruhi:
So, does that house on the island have some kind of cool name?

Mori:
I'm sorry?

Haruhi:
House of Black Death, Lira Manor, Koketsu Castle--the mansion has to have a name like that, right?

Mori:
No, it doesn't.

Haruhi:
Maybe, it's got a dungeon full of funky contraptions, or the architect died unnaturally, or a room where if you sleep in, you die a horrible death, right?

Mori:
No, there isn't.

Kyon:
Way to kill the mood.

Haruhi:
Hey, does the master of the house wear a mask 'cause he's horribly disfigured?
Or maybe there're three psychotic sisters living there.
Or maybe everyone's disappeared!

Arakawa:
No, not at all.
At least, not yet anyway.

Haruhi:
But there's a good chance something weird like that'll happen at some point right?

Arakawa:
There's always possibility, yes.

Haruhi:
Wow, I think I see it!
Is that the mansion?

Arakawa:
Yes, that would be it.

Haruhi:
Uh... it looks so normal.

Kyon's Sis:
Someone's waving at us.

Haruhi:
Who's that?
He looks too young to be the master of the house.

Koizumi:
He's also been invited to stay a few days.
That's Mr. Yutaka Tamaru, the master's younger brother.
I remember meeting him once before.

Kyon:
Thanks for the heads up.
You think you could let us know about these things ahead of time?
This is the first I've ever heard about any other guests.

Yutaka:
Welcome!



Keiichi:
Oh, welcome everyone!

Haruhi:
On behalf of my colleagues, I would like to thank you for inviting us to your home.
It's truly an honor to be able to stay in such a grand estate of yours, sir.
We appreciate your kindness and generosity.

Keiichi:
My, oh my.
I have to say, you're quite different from what Itsuki's told me.
Indeed, I think I was expecting someone who was more direct!

Haruhi:
You were?
It's really cool to meet you, Mister master!
Let's cut to the chase.
Has anything strange ever happened in this house?
What about the island?
You hear any stories from the locals?
Do they have a spooky name for the island?
Are they afraid to come near it?
That's the kind of stuff I'm into!

Keiichi:
Hahahaha.
Sounds like you have quite a hobby there although I've yet to see anything strange happen here.
Construction on the house was finished the day before yesterday.
And as for the island, I don't recall anyone saying it was haunted.
After all, it was deserted.
Now, why don't you all come in and make yourselves at home.
The mansion's western style, so feel free to keep your shoes on.

Mikuru:
Wow, what a lovely room!

Haruhi:
Oh, it's okay.

Koizumi:
It's nice we each get to have our own room instead of having the share.
By the way, the doors do have locks, right?

Keiichi:
Of course, and they're not automatic locks, so you won't get stuck in the hall.
However, I would appreciate it if you didn't lose your keys.

Mikuru:
If you want, you can stay with me in my room.

Kyon:
Only if you behave, you got that?

Kyon's Sis:
Okay!

Haruhi:
It's suspicious because nothing looks suspicious.

Kyon:
And if it looked suspicious to begin with, well, then what?

Haruhi:
It'd be suspicious, of course.
Jeez.

Kyon:
In other words, to her, everything including things that aren't suspicious are suspicious.

Haruhi:
I got it!

Kyon:
Got what?

Haruhi:
The culprit!

Kyon:
What culprit?
What are you talking about?
Look, nothing's even happened yet.
We just got here.
Okay?

Haruhi:
My gut says it's the owner of this house, Keiichi did it!
And the first victim will be Mikuru!

Kyon:
Would you stop saying stuff like that?
We're the guests.
Can't you just act like a normal high school student?

Haruhi:
I guess you're right. Maybe we should go swimming.
We got the whole ocean to ourselves down there, so we might as well take advantage of it, right?

Kyon:
Oh, man...
Although I'm sure Haruhi would never seriously wish for anyone to die.
It's scary to hear her go off like that.



Kyon:
This moment is the best part about this whole trip.
Now, this is what having a retreat by the sea is all about.
Hm?

Koizumi:
You know, we all have different ideas what's fun.
Person should spend their time on vacation doing the things they like.
That's especially true for Miss Suzumiya.
We need to keep her occupied so that she doesn't get bored.
And we wouldn't want that to happen now, would we?

Haruhi:
Kyon, Koizumi, come on! Stop sitting around and get over here!

Kyon's Sis:
I'm coming too!

Over here, over here!

Mikuru:
Uh.

Kyon:
Too many beach balls!

Mikuru:
Huh?



Kyon's Sis:
That was so much fun today!

Haruhi:
Wow, this is so delicious!
Who made all this?!

Keiichi:
I'm glad you like it.
The butler Arakawa is also the head chef around here.

Haruhi:
I'd like to personally thank him.
Please call him when he is done.

Yutaka:
Wow, she sure eats a lot.

Mori:
Would you like something to drink?

Mikuru:
What's wrong?

Kyon's Sis:
I don't like bell peppers.

Kyon:
If you wanna grow up to be like Miss Asahina, then you're gonna have to eat them.

It's not often we get to eat this good.

Keiichi:
Hahaha.

Haruhi:
Wow, I can't believe this is free!
I just wish the school cafeteria had spread like this--it would be like heaven!

Kyon:
So, after living it up, courtesy of Mr. Tamaru's hospitality, we were able to get through the first day without anything terribly scary happening.

Kyon's Sis:
Here we go!

Kyon:
Now, if the story ended there, it would've been perfect.
No such luck though...



Kyon:
The next morning, as if on cue, a huge storm rolled in.

Arakawa:
The master's not what you call a morning person, and he tends to be difficult when he wakes up.
Please excuse his absence at the table in the mornings.
And I do appreciate your understanding in the matter.

Haruhi:
Great, that's just our luck.
A typhoon hits us as we're starting our vacation.

Koizumi:
The storm seems to be moving fairly quickly.
Things'll be back to normal in a couple of days.
You'll see it'll disappear as quickly as it appeared.

Kyon:
It's strange, though.
I don't remember hearing anything about a typhoon yesterday.

Whose head did this massive storm come creeping out of?

Haruhi:
Okay, what we've got here is a deserted island in the middle of a storm.
This is a rare opportunity.
We might even experience something weird.
Awesome.

Kyon:
Taking the boat out today was not an option.
The waves are just too big.
Now, thanks to Haruhi's wish, we found ourselves the unwilling guests trapped on a spooky deserted island.
A closed circle?
No way.

Since we couldn't go outside, we decided to spend the day in the game room, which was in the mansion's basement.

Haruhi:
Here is my super ultra miracle eccentric serve!

Kyon's Sis:
Hey, whatcha reading?
Is it good, huh?

Kyon:
I call "reach"!

Haruhi:
Ron!
My hand's worth 10,000 points.

Koizumi:
That is definitely a full hand, Miss Suzumiya.

Kyon:
Good, we're not playing for money.

Keiichi:
I'm glad to see you all having a good time here.

Yutaka:
If you guys don't mind, can I sit in for a hand?

Mikuru:
Please.

Kyon's Sis:
What do you mean really "catch and see" is?

Keiichi:
Please excuse me everybody, I'm afraid I have some work that needs to get done.
Enjoy yourselves.

Kyon:
Keiichi and Yutaka Tamaru, Mr. Arakawa and Miss Mori, they seem normal even though they're acquaintances of Koizumi's.
We need a couple of more characters before something strange can happen.

Haruhi:
I call "Reach"!

Brigaders:
Who is the king?

Haruhi:
I am the king!
Okay, Number two. You have to turn around, look back at us, and say "I love you."

Mikuru:
Who has Number two?

Nagato:
I love you.

Haruhi:
No, not like that Yuki!
You have to say it with more feeling, all right?

Nagato:
I love you.

Haruhi:
Go on, Kyon.
Show her how to do it.

Kyon:
Why do I have to?

Haruhi:
It doesn't matter why.
It's the king's orders, okay?

Kyon:
I lo...

Haruhi:
Psyche!

Kyon:
Selfish king--that's typical Haruhi for you.

I thought I'd be able to skip the rest of this chapter of adolescence with little more than a laugh.
But that's not how the dealer cut the deck.

Mikuru:
I love you, I love you a lot.

Kyon:
Now, I don't know who this dealer is, or what kind of deck he was cutting for that matter.
But if I knew who this dealer was, I make sure they'd never shuffle cards or cut the deck for the rest of the year.



Kyon:
Hey, Haruhi... ah!

Haruhi:
What a wimp.
You should expect pillow fights when you're on a retreat!

Kyon:
Where does that girl get her energy?
She was up all night!

Koizumi:
Pillow fights, huh?
No wonder Miss Suzumiya was going through all the rooms--it looks like she went around and confiscated all the pillows on the second floor.

Kyon:
She's stealing all the weapons before the battle, huh?

Kyon's Sis:
We've got out the pillows.

Haruhi:
Hm! Uh...

Koizumi:
Mr. Arakawa, is there anything wrong?

Arakawa:
I sent Mori up to Mr. Yutaka's room a while ago.
When she came back down, she told me that he wasn't there.

Koizumi:
He isn't in the house?

Arakawa:
His bed hadn't been slept in, and we looked for him in usual places, but I'm afraid he is nowhere to be found.

Koizumi:
Have you gone to Mr. Keiichi's room and checked with him?

Arakawa:
Yes, well, we tried calling the phone to the master's bed room, but there was no answer.

Haruhi:
What's that?
Did you say that Mr. Yutaka's missing, and Mr. Keiichi isn't answering his phone?

Arakawa:
Ever asked to summarize, yes.
That's exactly what I said.

Koizumi:
We should probably check Mr. Keiichi's room.
Mr Arakawa, do you have a key?

Arakawa:
The master's chambers are different from the other rooms.
Unfortunately, he is the only one with the keys to it.
It's a precaution.
He brings work-related documents to the island.

Koizumi:
We'd better go up to his room and try knocking.

Haruhi:
Come on, Kyon. I've got a bad feeling about this.
Yuki, Mikuru, let's go guys.
Stay here, Little Sister, we'll be right back.

Koizumi:
Mr. Keiichi, Mr. Keiichi!
If you're here, answer us!
No good, it's locked.
I don't think we have a choice.
We're going to have to break the door down and get in this room.
We can't waste any more time talking.
He might be in trouble.

Kyon:
All right.

Arakawa:
Very good, sir.

Kyon:
Breaking down doors like this only happens in the movies, right?

Impossible... You're joking, right?