Narrator:
Akihisa Yoshii, a peculiar young man, who is quite particular about things he does.

Akihisa:
Down the hatch.
Nothing like salt water soup, and I got sugar water for dessert.
I'm going all out tonight..

Narrator:
The degree to which he is particular seems to be lowering every day.

Akihisa:
Yeah?!

Akira:
Long time no see. What's up?

Akihisa:
Great... My sister...


-- OP --

-- Episode 9: "Kisses, Breasts, and Ponytails"


Narrator:
Akira Yoshii. E cup.
She's Akihisa's sister [who/and] lives abroad.

Akihisa:
Why did you come here dressed like that, Akira?!

Akira:
Why in the world are you yelling at me right now, Aki?
You're being silly.

Akihisa:
Says the girl wearing a robe!

Akira:
If you'd shut up, then I could tell you why I'm wearing this.
Just so you know I actually have a very good reason.

Akihisa:
I'm sorry. Please go ahead.

Akira:
You see, I had to carry my heavy luggage from the airport all the way to the train station without any air conditioning at all.

Akihisa:
Mm.

Akira:
When I finally made it on the train, I was absolutely disgusted to see how sweaty I'd become.

Akihisa:
Mm-hm, mm-hm.

Akira:
While I haven't seen you in such a long time, I wanted to make sure I looked my best.
I wouldn't want you to think bad of me.

Akihisa:
Mm-hm.

Akira:
In order to take care of the sweat, I changed into a bathrobe because they're so highly absorbent.

Akihisa:
What? That's messed up!

Akira:
This way, I was able to reunite with my baby brother while maintaining the sweat free appearance of a dignified older sister.

Akihisa:
That's even more messed up!

Akira:
It's a good thing, the train was rather empty.
If it'd been more crowded, I would've been thoroughly embarrassed.

Akihisa:
Wait, where did you change?

Akira:
You should know, the reason I came back was to take care of something important.

Akihisa:
Uh...

Akira:
I need to investigate how you've been handling being alone for the past few months.
Then I can determine whether or not I should allow you to continue living by yourself.

Akihisa:
What?!

Akira:
When you first started staying here without any adult supervision, I gave you two rules to follow.
I'm assuming you still remember what they were.

Akihisa:
Are you gonna be mad if I say "no"?

Akira:
Of course, I won't.

Akihisa:
Well, good! In that case I...

Akira:
Why get mad when I can just give you a kiss?

Akihisa:
Remember them both!

Akira:
And the kiss I have in mind will ruin my chances of ever getting married.

Akihisa:
That is not even a little funny.

Akira:
It really isn't. Relax.
I'm the one who die alone.

Akihisa:
How am I supposed to relax?!

Akira:
That's a good point.
I mean you'll spend the rest of your life feeling guilty for what you've put your poor spinster sister through.

Akihisa:
I remember them, I swear. Please stop this!

Akira:
Good.
And why don't you tell me what they are?

Akihisa:
Uhm... they are...

Akira:
Oh, Aki. Close your eyes.

Akihisa:
Ahh! I can only play video games 30 minutes a day!
Illicit sexual relationships are forbidden!

Akira:
I'm so sorry.

Akihisa:
Was I wrong?

Akira:
No, you're right. I just can't kiss you now.

Akihisa:
You shouldn't be sorry for that!

Akira:
It's a lot cleaner than I thought it would be.

Akihisa:
Why? I've never really been that messy?

Akira:
Yes, but as they say, you're at that age. I was expecting your room to be buried underneath two thousand dirty books by now.

Akihisa:
I can't afford two thousand dirty books?

Akira:
So, basically you have at least one.

Akihisa:
Ah!

Akira:
A deduction of 20 points for a semi-illicit sexual relationship.

Akihisa:
What're the points for?

Akira:
I'm scoring you based on those conditions to see if you've earned the right to continue living alone.
For the final score, I'll average everything here with your next test at school.

Akihisa:
Great!
Now I have to make sure I get at least 20 extra points on my midterm exam.
That way, it will cancel out those points.

Akira:
Don't get ahead of yourself yet, any other illicit sexual relationships I should know about.

Akihisa:
If so, what would that score be?

Akira:
If you are caught holding hands with a girl, subtract 100 points.

Akihisa:
100 points!

Akira:
If you were to take girls out to the movies or treat them to crepes, or even if they make you lunch or waffles or anything to that effect, that would be minus 50,000 points.
What's the matter?

Akihisa:
Nothing.

Akira:
I understand you're a healthy young man.
It's not your fault you don't know what to do with your body yet.

Akihisa:
Hold on a minute, I never said that.

Akira:
Don't worry. I'll allow you a little fun.
Illicit sexual relationships with girls are against rules.
But illicit sexual relationships with guys, that's perfectly fine.

Akihisa:
It's not perfectly fine!
And quit saying illicit sexual relationships, you're creeping me out!

Kubo:
Oh, star light... star bright.

Akira:
Not good.
Your scores are much worse than I expected them to be.

Akihisa:
I tried really hard in my own way.

Akira:
Trying hard is only a means to an end.
If all you do is try without ever accomplishing anything, what's the point, little brother?
Failing is failing, no matter how you look at it.

Akihisa:
Thanks. That's just what I wanted to hear.

Akira:
Get better grades, and I won't have to nag you.
Just one decent score would be helpful.

Akihisa:
Well, you're not perfect. Not at everything.

Akira:
What're you talking about?

Akihisa:
Cooking.

Akira:
Making food has nothing to do with academics.

Akihisa:
But it's important for life.
Besides...

Akira:
If you keep this up, I'll be forced to kiss you until you shut your mouth.

Akihisa:
I'm sorry, I was wrong.


Shouko:
Yuuji, I want to see your cellphone.

Yuuji:
What for?

Shouko:
I saw a show last night that said you can tell if your partner's cheating by looking for specific clues on their phone.
Give me!

Yuuji:
Hell no.
Ahhh! My eyes! You can't give laser surgery with your fingers!
Oh, my god. Did you...

Shouko:
Fine. Be that way. I don't mind taking it by force.

Yuuji:
Hey! What the hell are you doing?!

Shouko:
I heard it was sexy to be naked with only a guy's shirt on.

Yuuji:
Yeah, that's for chicks! Not a dude!

Shouko:
Let me be the judge.

Yuuji:
Okay! I give up!
Take it! You can have the phone!

Shouko:
Are you sure?

Yuuji:
You don't have to sound so disappointed!
Geez... Here.

Shouko:
Yuuji, your e-mail, you get more from Yoshii than from me.

Yuuji:
Yeah, so what?

Shouko:
That means you're having a love affair with Yoshii.

Yuuji:
Are you kidding me?!

Akihisa's message:
Can I stay overnight at your place?
I kinda don't wanna... go home tonight.

Yuuji:
Ugh... Wait a sec...
Shouko, I... Argh!!

Akihisa:
Taken care of.


Hideyoshi:
Good morning, Akihisa.

Akihisa:
Hm?

Hideyoshi:
What happened to you?
It's weird but you look a lot healthier than you normally do.

Akihisa:
Yeah. I got to eat actual food this morning.

Narrator:
Akihisa sold his manga and video games to a second-hand shop and got money to buy food.

Akihisa:
Even if it just gets me through Akira's stay, at least she'll think I'm taking care of myself.
Otherwise, she'll take more points away.


Akihisa:
No pants day, huh?

Yuuji:
No, it's not "no pants day," you idiot!
I got punished because of your super weird e-mail!

Akihisa:
There was nothing weird about my e-mail.

Yuuji:
Why don't you try reading it out loud then?

Akihisa:
Can I stay overnight at your place?
I kinda don't wanna... go home tonight."

Minami:
Of course, now it seems so obvious!

Mizuki:
You're not supposed to experiment until you're older!

Kubo:
That's just obscene, Yoshii!


-- EYE CATCH --


Mr. Nishimura:
Uhm... Uhm... Yoshii.
Go to the nurse's office.

Akihisa:
Why do you always think I'm sick when I'm studying?!

Minami:
So what happened, Aki?
I mean, why are you studying all of a sudden.

Akihisa:
Uh...

Mizuki:
You're acting a little strange today.

Akihisa:
Really?
I don't know what you're talking about.

Hideyoshi:
Wow. You've got quite the well-prepared lunch today.

Akihisa:
I know, nice for a change.

Minami:
Looks pretty good.
Who made this for you anyway?

Akihisa:
Oh, I made it.

Minami:
Liar.

Mizuki:
Yeah, that's not true.

Akihisa:
What? I am not lying!

Mizuki:
Someone super talented had to make this.
Maybe it was Yuuji or Kouta.

Minami:
Tell us the truth, Aki. Come on!

Mizuki:
Just confess. Who really made it for you?

Akihisa:
I think I'll just leave it to your imagination.

Yuuji:
Akihisa, you don't have to go home today.

Minami:
Why do the good ones always play for the other team?

Mizuki:
No, I refuse to believe it!

Kubo:
I'll never forgive you!

Akihisa:
What'd you imagine?!
And why the hell is Kubo in our class room?

Yuuji:
Hey, so I was wondering...
Why do you wanna stay over at my place anyway?

Akihisa:
What?
Oh, I just thought we could study to get...

Yuuji:
Don't lie to me.

Akihisa:
You didn't let me finish!

Yuuji:
Midterms are coming up.
I guess getting a group together to study isn't a bad idea.

Akihisa:
Really?

Yuuji:
Let's do it over at your place.

Akihisa:
No, no, no, no!
My place! Today isn't good!
No, not at all!
It's not good at all!

Hideyoshi:
Pretty sure he's hiding something.

Yuuji:
Should probably check it out.

Kouta:
Get to the bottom of this.

Akihisa:
No, you got the wrong idea!
It's just messy! Very messy!

Mizuki:
That's okay. I'll help you clean!

Akihisa:
No, I'll do it...
Needs to be something a girl wouldn't want to touch.
The mess is bad. It's two thousand dirty books!

Mizuki:
I'll still help!

Minami:
We can get rid of them!

Kouta:
Yeah, I'm in too!

Akihisa:
Dammit! That isn't what you were supposed to say!


-- EYE CATCH --


Akihisa:
So, uh, we're really doing this then?

Yuuji:
Look, dude.
We just wanna know what you're hiding.

Hideyoshi:
You've been acting rather suspicious all day.

Kouta:
I bet he's got a secret girlfriend.

Minami:
Is that true?!
What's the secret girlfriend?

Akihisa:
Uhm, you should ask Kouta.

Mizuki:
Calm down, Minami.
You know Yoshii would never even dream of dating someone behind our backs like that.
Isn't that right, Yoshii?

Akihisa:
Why are you squinting?

Yuuji:
Well, it's time to find out there's probably nothing going on.
That's your cue, Akihisa.
Open the door.

Akihisa:
I don't wanna...

Yuuji:
Do you wanna get pantsed like I did?
This is your choice.

Kouta:
If you could look up at the sky with tears in your eyes, that'd be great.

Akihisa:
What for?!
So you can profit from my pain?!

Mizuki:
You know what else.
I mean, to make it more marketable.
You should have him unbutton his first two buttons.

Akihisa:
I am not a product to be marketed!
Fine, I'll do it! I'll open it if you leave me alone!

Mizuki, Minami:
Your shirt?

Akihisa:
No, the door!
Ahhhhh!
I can't even make something up to explain this!

Minami:
No, I think we know what's going on here.

Kouta:
I'm so jealous I could kill him.

Mizuki:
This is not a very good thing, Yoshii.

Akihisa:
Uh...

Mizuki:
You bought a bra size that would never fit you.
Smaller cup would be better.

Everyone:
She's refusing to face it.

Minami:
Hey, what's that?

Hideyoshi:
A cotton pad for makeup, I think.

Mizuki:
Wrong... Must be a fish cake.

Everyone:
A fish cake?

Kouta:
Look!

Yuuji:
Hm?
Dude, that's definitely something a chick would eat.

Akihisa:
Are you all right, Himeji?

Mizuki:
I can't keep denying this any more!

Akihisa:
Seriously, underwear and makeup are okay, but one stupid lunch sends you over the edge?

Akira:
Hello, I see we have company.

Mizuki:
Ah! An older woman?

Minami:
With huge boobs!

Mizuki:
How can you be so cruel...?

Minami:
You are tearing out my heart!

Akihisa:
I don't even understand what you're saying right now.
All right.
I'll tell you the truth.
She's my older sister.

Everyone:
Your sister?!

Akira:
That's right. I'm Akira Yoshii.
Thank you.
It's very nice of you to be friends with my extremely stupid brother.
I'm sure it's not easy, unless he usually isn't this rude.

Akihisa:
Wow, she looks normal even if she's being mean.
I'll take it!

Yuuji:
Hey there, I'm Yuuji Sakamoto.

Kouta:
I'm Kouta Tsuchiya.

Hideyoshi:
And I'm Hideyoshi Kinoshita.
People usually assume I'm a girl, but I...

Akira:
You're a boy, aren't you?

Hideyoshi:
You're the only one who's ever recognized me as a guy!
That's amazing!

Akira:
Well, it's kind of obvious, there's no way my stupid, ugly, good-for-nothing little brother would be able to get girls to be friends with him.
Although I must say the two of you are rather strange looking boys.

Akihisa:
Why are you so rude all of a sudden?!
Go back to being nice, okay?
All three of them are girls

Hideyoshi:
Ugh... How many ways can I put it?

Akira:
Girls, really?
When did you start bringing girls into this home?
And what do you do with them when they're here?

Akihisa:
Crap!

Akira:
Illicit sexual relationships with girls gets you 200 points taken away.

Akihisa:
Nooooo!

Yuuji:
Akihisa...
It hasn't been easy for you either, has it?

Akihisa:
Yuuji...

Akira:
However, I will allow illicit sexual relationships with boys though.

Akihisa:
It's not like that!

Akira:
In fact, I'm gonna give you 10 points.

Akihisa:
Oh, like that's supposed to make me happy?!

Yuuji:
Hey, Akihisa, since we came here uninvited, we can at least help you make dinner.

Akihisa:
Thanks!
That'd be cool, man.

Minami:
I can help.

Mizuki:
Maybe I can cook!

Everyone:
Urgh...

Akihisa:
No way, we'll be fine.
You stay here.

Yuuji:
Yeah, we got it.
Thanks for offering!

Mizuki:
Really? Are you sure?

Akihisa:
Hey, Sis. Keep them company.

Akira:
Sure.
Would you all like to see some old photos of Aki?

Minami:
Yeah, I mean, if that's okay.

Akira:
Let's see the embarrassing ones first.

Akihisa:
Anything but those!

Kouta:
We're gonna live.


Yuuji:
So then, what're we making?

Akihisa:
Looks like we have everything we need to make paella.
Believe it or not, it's actually my favorite dish.

Yuuji:
Hmm... Convenient.
Did she know we were coming over?

Akihisa:
No. She can't cook to save her life either.
Must've bought too much by accident.

Yuuji:
Yeah, put it over there.


Akira:
Okay, here we go.
These are pictures of Aki taking a bath when he was two.

Mizuki:
Ah. Look, he's adorable!

Akira:
And these are pictures of Aki taking a bath when he was four.

Minami:
Oh, he fell asleep!

Akira:
These are pictures of Aki taking a bath when he was seven.

Mizuki:
This was in elementary school, right?

Akira:
These are of Aki taking a bath when he was ten years old.

Akihisa:
Wait a sec!
How come I'm always taking a bath?!

Akira:
These are of Aki taking a bath when he was thirteen.

Everyone:
Ooh...

Akihisa:
Wait... Why did you all get quiet?

Akira:
And these are of Aki taking a bath yesterday.

Akihisa:
Nooooo!
When did you take those?!
Please don't look at my private parts!
Please don't look! Please don't look at them!

Yuuji:
Come on, bath boy.
You've got some cooking to do.

Akihisa:
Noooooooo!


Hideyoshi:
This looks delicious.

Akira:
Look at that. You made paella.

Akihisa:
Is it okay?
I thought that's what you bought all those groceries for.

Minami:
It smells really good, Aki.

Mizuki:
Wow, I had no idea you could actually cook.
That's super neat.

Akihisa:
Ahhh!
How do you not know?!

Akira:
Oh, no. Aki's yelling again.
That's not very nice.
Minus 10 points.

Akihisa:
This is all your damn fault!
Gah, why do you hate me?!
It's like you're doing your best to stress me out!

Akira:
Aki, you know as well as I do that I could never hate you.

Akihisa:
What?

Akira:
I care about you as a woman.

Akihisa:
Why are you doing this?!

Akira:
There's an old famous saying that goes like this:
The dumber the child, the cuter.

Yuuji:
Give it up, Akihisa.
Seems to me, she loves you more than anyone else in the world.

Akihisa:
But Yuuji, wouldn't that mean she thinks I'm the dumbest person in the world?

Minami:
So what if she does, Aki, I happen to think you're the dumbest person in the whole world, too!

Mizuki:
So do I!
You're stupider than anyone else on this entire planet in my opinion.

Akihisa:
Stop it!
Why are you going out of your way to hurt my precious feelings!

Hideyoshi:
Wow, you really are an idiot.


Akihisa:
Okay, now that dinner's finally over, we should study.

Akira;
If you'd like, I can help all of you.
I really don't mind.

Mizuki:
Are you sure?

Akira:
I went to school overseas and got a degree in education.
So I'm kinda trained for it.

Minami:
Where overseas?

Akihisa:
Just in Boston, Massachusetts.

Yuuji:
You kidding me!
Do you mean... she went to Harvard?

Minami, Mizuki:
Ah!

Yuuji:
Interesting...
She got the good genes.

Akihisa:
What is that supposed to mean, you jerk?!

Akira:
Look, what I found under Aki's bed today.
They must be for reference purposes.

Akihisa:
But those are my ultimate of top secret, secrets!

Akira:
Unfortunately, I'm going to have to take away 60 points.

Akihisa:
So, you're subtracting 10 points per book?

Akira:
No, you're losing points for not having dirty books about sisters.

Akihisa:
Oh, is there no end? This is brutal!

Akira:
They look like Phys Ed. references to me.

Akihisa:
Stop! I can't share those with them. They've been used!

Akira:
Aki tends to study by focusing on very specific subjects.
Apparently, he likes a subject of girls with big breasts and ponytails.

Mizuki:
Ah...
All right then, let's get to that studying, shall we?

Minami:
And just what are you doing to your hair, Mizuki?

Mizuki:
I thought I'd just tie it back so it doesn't get in my way.

Minami:
Oh, here, I can do it for you.

Mizuki:
Ow, you're hurting me, Minami!
Please stop the pain!
I don't need your help!

Akihisa:
Wait a sec, your hair doesn't normally get in your way.

Akira:
Another 100 points to be deducted .

Akihisa:
What?!
How come?!

Akira:
Trust me, little brother, one of these days, you'll understand why.

Minami, Mizuki:
Hehene...

Hideyoshi:
Are you all right, man?
What're you looking for?

Kouta:
The other 1,994 books.

Akira:
You thought I was serious?


Mizuki:
Hey there, good morning, Yoshii.

Minami:
What's up, Aki?

Akihisa:
Huh?
Hey, girls. Morning.
Did you change your hairstyle, Himeji?

Mizuki:
Oh, yes. I just wanted something different.

Akihisa:
Did you change your boob style, Minami?

Minami:
No way! They just grew over night!

Akihisa:
Seriously?

Minami:
Yes, seriously?
I'm still growing!

Kouta:
Can't allow you to disgrace the female breasts with such a impertinence.

Minami:
Hmm...

Mizuki:
Yesterday was fun, wasn't it?

Hideyoshi:
You managed to get some studying done, too.

Akihisa:
Yeah, but it looks like I won't be allowed to live alone.
I wish she'd go back to America.

Minami:
You shouldn't talk that way about your family.

Yuuji:
She seemed pretty cool to me.

Akihisa:
Hm? Yeah, right.
She always takes away points and tries to kiss me.
I think this is all just because she hates me.

Mizuki:
That's not true at all.

Akihisa:
Mm-hm.

Mizuki:
Yoshii, your sister loves you.
It's pretty obvious.

Akihisa:
So she really does think I'm stupidest?

Mizuki:
Don't be silly.
Her only reason for being here is to make sure you're okay, which just goes to show how much she cares about you.
She traveled all the way here from America for you.
She didn't have any other reason, did she?


Akihisa:
Maybe they're right about my sister.
What should I make for dinner?
She hasn't been back home for a while now.
I know what I'll cook. Japanese food.

I'm home!
Please tell me you have clothes on.

Akira:
Very funny.
How was your day? Good?

Akihisa:
It's okay.
I'll get dinner started here in a second.

Akira:
Dinner?
Not so fast, Aki.

Akihisa:
Aren't you hungry?

Akira:
Your midterms are coming up soon.
Think about this.
Should you be wasting your time making me dinner?

Akihisa:
Well, no. I guess I shouldn't.
But you came all this way so I foun...

Akira:
You didn't think.
You're mistaking the means for the end again.

Akihisa:
Huh.

Akira:
The reason I came back here was to check on you and make sure you were okay.
If you're wasting time on me, you're pretty much wasting my time as well.
On top of that, I don't want you to use me as an excuse when your grades suffer.
You don't have to cook for me, I'm doing just fine.
In fact, I'll make us dinner while you study.
How does that sound?

Akihisa:
Sounds pretty stupid to me!
What's your problem?
All you ever care about are those dumb test results!
Fine. I'll go study then!

She's so stupid!
I'll make sure I get a good grade.
That'll shut her up!


Akihisa:
Oh, come on... What's...

Mizuki:
Good morning, Yoshii.
How are you?

Minami:
Hey, what's up, Aki?

Akihisa:
Please don't talk to me.
The stuff I memorized and crammed into my head might come out.
When's the Ides of March?

Minami:
Okay...

Mizuki:
Guess, we'll let you study.

Mr. Nishimura:
All right.
We're about to begin the test!
Ready. Begin!

Akihisa:
I can do this.
Question 1. 334 BC! The last king of the Achaemenid Empire of Persia was...
Alexander the Great!
Next!

Akira:
I bet he's taking the test right now.
Well then, I suppose I should start too.

Akihisa:
Right. I did my best.
I can't believe I have time left over to double-check my answers.

Mr. Nishimura:
Okay. Put your pencils down.
Losers in the back, collect the answer papers.

Akihisa:
Ah!
Goodbye, sweet life all on my own.

Akira:
Really?
Alexander the Great is my brother.
You put the first answer where you should've put your name, so every answer you put down was off by one.

Akihisa:
Please! Don't call me Alexander the Great anymore!

Akira:
How about Darius III?

Akihisa:
Why do you always have to humiliate me like this?!
I could've gotten a decent score if I hadn't screwed that simple thing up.

Akira:
Do you think they'd forgive you if you made the same mistake on a college entrance exam?

Akihisa:
No...
But I really did try my hardest.

Akira:
You keep saying that.
Remember our talk about trying being a means to an end.

Akihisa:
Yeah, I do...

She is ruthless.

It's a mess in here.
Wait, she can't cook!
These look like failed paella dishes.
I wonder. Was she practicing making my favorite meal?

Akira:
Trying hard is only a means to an end.
If you become proud of the effort itself, you're mistaking the means for the end.

Akihisa:
For real?
She's so stupid.


-- ED --


Akihisa:
Hey, Akira.

Akira:
Yeah?

Akihisa:
Thanks for everything.
And... I really do love you.

Akira:
You do?

Akihisa:
Of course I do, but only as a sister.

Akira:
That's sweet, but I'm still not going to ignore your test score.

Akihisa:
Well, that sucks.

Akira:
So, Aki...

Akihisa:
What?

Akira:
I was thinking that maybe one of these days, I can make dinner for you.

Akihisa:
Really?

Akira:
Really.
But only if I feel like it.

Akihisa:
Yeah, I guess that's fair.
Hey, Akira...

Akira:
Yes, Aki?

Akihisa:
Do you know what the best spice in the world is?

Akira:
Hmm...
How should I know? I don't cook.
Fine, I give up.
Tell me what is the best spice.

Akihisa:
That's a good question.


<Preview>


Mr. Fukuhara:
Question 10.
Name the Japanese novelist who introduced the "Adolescent Detective Gang" and the "Mystery Man of Twenty Faces" to the world.

Akihisa:
The thief is among us!

Mr. Fukuhara:
It's not me.

Akihisa:
Next Time, "Prep Tests, Mysterious Thieves, and Love Letters."

Mr. Fukuhara:
This will be on the test.