Haruhi:
Well, here we are.

Kyon:
Hm? Doesn't that mean we shouldn't be going in?
Even little kids would avoid shooting in a spot like this. Except for the stupid ones, that is.

Haruhi:
Don't just stand there. Hurry up and climb over already.

Kyon:
Oops, forgot. She's really stupid.

Haruhi:
Come on, Mikuru. Hurry up.

Koizumi:
The fence is rather high, it might be too difficult for everyone to climb over. Would you have a solution for us?

Kunikida:
Wow, that gate's gotta be really old.

Taniguchi:
Am I gonna have to play a sea monster or something?

Tsuruya-san:
The lake didn't always have this fence around it.
You know people used to fall in a lot.

Kyon:
Thank God, they're all so clueless.


Haruhi:
There, that'll do the trick. So this is the scene where Mikuru gets cornered by the baddie.
She can't use her beam 'cause Yuki neutralized it.
Well, the cue cards are done. Here, hang on to this for me, kid.

Taniguchi:
Huh?

Haruhi:
Mikuru, are you ready?

Mikuru:
Yes...

Haruhi:
Come on! Louder!

Mikuru:
Yes!

Kyon:
I feel your pain.

Haruhi:
Okay, here we go. And... action!

Mikuru:
E-Even in times like this, I won't ever run away!
You, you're an evil bad alien! And... now, you'd better leave this planet at once!

Haruhi:
Cut!

Yuki:
For he is very valuable to us, you see.
And while we're seizing him and his hidden powers, we will also invade the earth.

Haruhi:
Cut!

Mikuru:
I-I won't let you get away with that! I will risk my own life to stop you!

Haruhi:
Cut!
See? You're starting to get the hang of it. Good job!
Okay, come here for a sec. I gotta talk to you about the next shot.

Mikuru:
Okay...

Kyon:
I hope we get out of here soon before anybody in the neighborhood notices we're here.

Tsuruya-san:
So that's your video camera, huh?
I bet you got a lot of goofy shots of Mikuru on there?

Kyon:
I don't see what's so funny. There's a lot of damaging stuff in there.
What if Miss Asahina stops coming to school because of it?

Haruhi:
We're back. And we're gonna be kicking things up a notch.
Check it out! Cool, huh?

Kyon:
Oh God, no! It's gonna be a repeat of what happened yesterday. This is bad!

Haruhi:
Go ahead, Mikuru. I don't care what comes out of the Miracle Mikuru Eye R.
Whatever it is, make sure it's destructive!

Mikuru:
Ah! Miss Nagato!

Haruhi:
Oh, come on, Yuki! You're supposed to be an evil witch!
Stop whipping out the wrestling moves!
Well, I guess this works, too. Whatever gets more viewers.
Hey, Kyon! Why aren't you rolling? This is Yuki's concept. Don't waste it!

Kyon:
It's not a concept.
This is racy stuff. I shouldn't be shooting this, but...
Put the target in the center and hit "record"... No, I mustn't, I mustn't!


Mikuru:
You'd better leave this planet at once!

Haruhi:
Oh, geez, I can't believe we lost another contact.


Yuki:
My mistake. I disabled the laser function she had access to, however, a high frequency molecular cutter was activated.

Koizumi:
That looks like damage from a monofilament attack.

Mikuru:
Oh, no. I'm really sorry about that.
But, um, what did you inject me with this time?

Yuki:
I altered the phase of your dimensional cycles, and generated a force field around your body which alters gravitational waves.

Koizumi:
I understand. For the time being, it looks like it's been taking care of.

Kyon:
Yep, still don't get it.

Koizumi:
As for what happened to the fence, the others seem to think it was old and fallen apart.
And thankfully, it was the only thing that got damaged.

Kyon:
Yeah, but what are we gonna do?
I mean, if we keep shooting this thing, I'm scared that something really bad's gonna happen.

Koizumi:
Regardless, we can't interfere with the completion of the film.
Can you imagine what Miss Suzumiya would do if we try to force her to stop shooting it?

Kyon:
I don't care.

Koizumi:
I guarantee she wouldn't be happy at all, and closed space would be torn apart by the Shinjin.
You have to understand Miss Suzumiya is having so much fun, she just can't help herself.
And in the way, this is a chance for her to play God.
The process of putting the movie together is Miss Suzumiya's way of creating a world that functions according to her will.

Kyon:
Selfish as ever, I see.

Koizumi:
Of course, Miss Suzumiya doesn't realize any of this is happening.
She thinks she's creating a fictional world for the story of a movie.
However, I believe that subconsciously she's so passionate about it, she's actually starting to change the reality of this world.

Kyon:
Fiction, he says.

Either way you slice it, we get a bad ending.

Koizumi:
If we have to choose between stopping the shoot or seeing it through to the end, I would strongly recommend we finish it.

Kyon:
Even if Miss Asahina turns into some kind of Superwoman?

Koizumi:
Compared to having a Shinjin appear, it's a small price to pay.
Think about it. Wouldn't it be easier to do with abnormal phenomena one at a time, as opposed to having the world rebuilt from scratch right under your feet?

Kyon:
If you ask me, it's all pretty much the same thing, isn't it?
Here's another option for us to consider. We can knock Haruhi out cold and wake her up after the festival's over.

Koizumi:
That's a frightening thought to consider.
But if you were prepared to take responsibility for the outcome, I wouldn't get in your way.

Kyon:
I don't think my shoulders can handle the weight of the world.

Mikuru:
Umm... I don't want you to worry about me. I'll be okay and find a way to get through this.

Kyon:
I am in awe of her selflessness.


Haruhi:
These are the characters you guys play.
Here's the deal. Since Mikuru is the hero, she doesn't believe in hurting innocent people.
Yuki takes advantage of this, and uses her magic to get you guys to attack her.
Since Mikuru wouldn't hurt you guys, she gets beaten up.

Tsuruya-san:
Mikuru's gonna get beaten up.

Haruhi:
Here's what you do. The three of you are gonna throw Mikuru right into the lake.

Taniguchi:
Wait a second. You wanna throw her in there? The water might be warm, but it's cold out.
Besides, that water's pretty filthy.

Mikuru:
But, but, Miss Suzumiya, couldn't we do this in a pool?

Haruhi:
No one said that shoot was gonna be easy. So, suck it up already.
You have to make these kinds of sacrifices, especially if they're gonna help us get the realism we're after!
You can't let something like this stand in your way. You have to overcome it!
This is a big step up for you as an actress!
See what I'm saying? Good. Get ready.

Kyon:
Hang on!

Mikuru:
I... I'll... Okay, I'll do it!

Haruhi:
That a girl! Yes!
That's why I picked you to be a brigade member!

Mikuru:
Oh...

Kyon:
Miss Asahina...

Haruhi:
One, two, three!

Kyon:
Heaven protect her.

Koizumi:
What's happened? Just grab my hand. It's okay.

Kyon:
Good grief. We've gotten enough crap here to open up a pawn shop, but we don't have a towel for her?
What's up with that?

Haruhi:
Hm, this could work for the scene where they meet.
You can feel the awkwardness between Itsuki and Mikuru.

Kyon:
Really? Looked like Koizumi was just acting like he always does.

Haruhi:
We're moving on to the next setup.
It's the scene right after Itsuki saves Mikuru, where he picks her up and carries her back to his house.

Kyon:
Hang on! That makes absolutely no sense at all.
What happened to Nagato, Taniguchi, and the others?
The audience is gonna get totally lost if they just disappear from the story.

Haruhi:
Oh, be quiet. The audience is gonna be so wrapped up in the story, they'll be fine with it.

Kyon:
No, they won't. You just wanted to see Miss Asahina get tossed in the lake!

Tsuruya-san:
My house isn't too far from here, and Mikuru looks like she's freezing.
Is it cool if she changes clothes 'cause she might be enough catching a cold?

Haruhi:
That's a great idea! Can we use your house for our next location?
It's the perfect place to shoot the scene where they get all friendly with each other.

Tsuruya-san:
Yep. Go ahead, knock yourself out.

Kunikida:
What do you want us to do?

Haruhi:
You can go home. I'm done with you.

Kyon:
Congratulations, you guys have been sacked.
It looks like you're about as important to Haruhi as a bunch of spent BBs, which isn't such a bad thing if you wanna know the truth.

Tsuruya-san:
Ta-dah! Here it is!

Kyon:
Ginormous!
What sort of evil things do I have to do to live in a place like this?


Tsuruya-san:
So anyway, this is my room. You guys can wait here 'til Mikuru's done with the bath.

Kyon:
Wow, this place makes my bedroom look like a cat condo.

Haruhi:
Great room! This is a perfect location.
Oh, yeah. Hey, Tsuru, I wanted to ask you something.
When you get the drink...

Kyon:
Uh... Hm?


Tsuruya-san:
Sorry to keep you waiting! Here you go!

Haruhi:
Thank you.

Mikuru:
Thanks for waiting. Sorry I took so long.

Tsuruya-san:
Here you go.

Koizumi:
Thank you very much.

Kyon:
Am I being tested here or something?
Miss Asahina, that outfit is absolutely criminal.

Tsuruya-san:
Here you go. Drink up.

Kyon:
Thanks.

Mikuru:
Thank you.

Kyon:
Watching her take a sip is another direct hit to my libido.

Haruhi:
Okay, let's knock this one out.

Kyon:
And with that, we started shooting.
In the shot, Koizumi carried the "pretending to be unconscious Miss Asahina" into the room.
For some unknown convenient reason, there was a futon spread out on the floor.

Haruhi:
Go, Mikuru. Start waking up.

Koizumi:
Are you awake now?

Mikuru:
Yes. But, um, I don't know where I am.

Koizumi:
You're in my room now.

Mikuru:
Thank you for taking care of me.

Kyon:
She seems a little too sexy. Is that acting?

Haruhi:
Bring your faces closer together.
Yeah! Now, Mikuru, close you eyes. Koizumi, put your arm around her.
All right! Now push her down and kiss her!

Kyon:
Hold it!
This is going too far. Why is this scene happening anyway? What is this?

Haruhi:
It's a love scene, of course.
We have to have one to pad out the picture's run time.

Kyon:
You crazy! Are we shooting a movie for a late-night TV or what?
And why are you suddenly getting into it, Koizumi?
If this thing ever screens at the school festival, I guarantee you're gonna get a ton of hate mail cramming your shoe locker the next day.
I'll even write some myself!

Tsuruya-san:
Mikuru, you're so weird!

Kyon:
Normally, I disagree, but she is acting a little strange.
Her eyes are all glazed over and her cheeks are flushed.
She looks like she'd like Koizumi do whatever he wants.
This isn't funny anymore.

Mikuru:
Hey, Koizumi, I feel hot and my head's all heavy...

Kyon:
Geez, it's like somebody drugged her or something. Ugh...!

Tsuruya-san:
Sorry! I sort of spiked her juice with a little bit of sake.
I was told it would help her loosen up and act better.

Haruhi:
Humph!

Kyon:
It's not right to get people loaded like that!

Haruhi:
Just look at her. She's sexier now than ever before.
Don't listen to him, kiss her. Go ahead. Kiss her right on the mouth.

Kyon:
Don't do it, Koizumi!

Koizumi:
Madam Director, I hate to say it, but I'm feeling a little overwhelmed.
Besides, it looks like Miss Asahina's reached her limit, too.

Mikuru:
No, I feel fine! Let's keep shooting...

Haruhi:
Oh geez. This won't do.
Man, I can't believe you get so plastered from just a little sake.

Kyon:
I can't believe you made her drink it.

Haruhi:
Come on, snap out of it.
You call that a reaction? Whenever I tap on your head with this thing, you have to straighten out your back. That's the rule.
Let's try it again, okay? Now focus.

Kyon:
Cut it out!
How is that supposed to help? And how is any of this gonna fit in the movie?

Haruhi:
Huh? What's your problem?
I don't have to tell you how I'm gonna use this. That's my business.

Kyon:
You can't tell me because you have no idea. Stop making excuses!

Haruhi:
Yeah, like you know anything.
You don't even know what this movie's about, how dare you make selfish demands!

Kyon:
You're the one who's being selfish here, you're just hitting Miss Asahina because you want to!
How dare you treat her like that!

Haruhi:
Don't you talk to me like that! Who do you think you are?
This is called story and it's important for my movie! Get it now?

Kyon:
It's not important! Now what? This sucks! Miss Asahina is not your toy!

Haruhi:
Shut up! It's important to me! And I can treat her like a toy if I want to!
Wha... What is it? What is your problem anyway, huh!?
You just have to do what I tell you!
I'm the brigade leader! I'm the director!
Whatever, do what I say or get out!

Kyon:
Let go, Koizumi. I don't care if it's a person or an animal.
If they won't listen, they deserve to be smacked!
If she doesn't learn her lesson now, she's gonna grow up to be some kind of lonely freak!

Mikuru:
Stop it! Don't!
Stop fighting, stop it.
Or else, never mind, it's classified anyway...


Tsuruya-san:
I'm sorry, Kyon. I got a little carried away.
You don't have to worry about Mikuru.
I'll take her home or have her stay tonight.


Koizumi:
I always thought of you as being more rational than you were back there.

Kyon:
Yeah, so did I.

Koizumi:
The good news is that closed space hasn't appeared.
It looks like Miss Suzumiya's subconscious was able to control itself this time.

Kyon:
Awesome, less work for you.

Koizumi:
By the way, if you're free, there's a place I'd like to take you to.

Kyon:
And what if I said no?

Koizumi:
I don't think this should take too long.


Koizumi:
Do you remember what Miss Suzumiya said yesterday?

Kyon:
How am I supposed to remember all the crazy stuff she says?

Koizumi:
When you see this, I'm sure it'll come back to you.
I think they've been like that ever since this morning.

Kyon:
Did someone come out here and paint 'em all or something?

Koizumi:
No, that's the natural coloring of their feathers. There's no mistaking it.

Kyon:
Well, maybe all the gunfire yesterday scared the heck out of them.

Koizumi:
Even if that were really the case, do you think this is what would happen?

Kyon:
Yeah, I know.


Haruhi:
It would be so awesome if the pigeons were all white, but I guess it doesn't matter what color they are.


Kyon:
Apparently, it did.

Koizumi:
Here's my perspective on the situation.
Miss Suzumiya's special, however, at one point, she was given her godlike powers by someone or something else.
Ultimately, she's just an ordinary human being as opposed to a divine being.
Her presence in this world is proof of that.

Kyon:
Oh, that's a new spin on things.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you say something before about how Haruhi was a God?

Koizumi:
Oh, really? Did I say that?

Kyon:
Don't mess with me.

Koizumi:
Of course, I'm only kidding.
Miss Suzumiya is the one who can create the world around us, and at the same time, she can destroy it.
Perhaps the reality we're currently in isn't working as efficiently as it should.
And perhaps the only person who has the power to fix this failed world of ours, is the one we've come to know as Miss Suzumiya.

Kyon:
Yeah, sure.

Koizumi:
Consider this, if she's creating all the strange phenomena to fix whatever's wrong with the world, then our attempts at covering it up might be preventing that change from taking place.

Kyon:
Hmph. So what?

Koizumi:
It means we could be in a lot of trouble, that's what.
When Miss Suzumiya changes this world to a version that's functioning properly, do you think there would still be a need for us and our special abilities?
Or will we be considered the bugs in the program and exterminated?

Kyon:
Who knows?

Koizumi:
Honestly, with all its faults, I like the world the way it is.
It's been built, piece by piece, by so many different people, from ancient times to the present.
If I had my way, I wouldn't change a single thing about it.
That's why I do what I can about Miss Suzumiya in the situation she puts us in.

Kyon:
I wonder if this world is really worth all the trouble you're going through.

Koizumi:
Oh, I thought you of all people felt it was.
Otherwise, you wouldn't have come back from closed space that one time, or am I mistaken?

Kyon:
Well, who knows? I don't.

Koizumi:
It's out of character for me to be so presumptuous.
And for a second there, I might've sounded like I was inferring that we were the protectors of this world. Please forgive me.


Koizumi:
Rather than being angry today, it seems Miss Suzumiya is too busy feeling sad.

Kyon:
Really? Why's that?

Koizumi:
I thought you of all people would know why. I don't mind explaining it, though.
Miss Suzumiya always thought that no matter what happened, you'd be right there by her side.
Even though you'd sometimes complain, you alone would forgive her.

Kyon:
Yeah. Well, the only one who could forgive her now would be a martyred saint.

Koizumi:
Do you think you could say something to Miss Suzumiya to cheer her up?
If you don't, she might continue to get depressed, and then something much worse than closed space could appear.
I don't even wanna think about what would happen to the world if, well, she were to sink into a deep depression.

Kyon:
So you're telling me to go cheer her up?

Koizumi:
You just need to get back together with her again.

Kyon:
Yeah. See, that's why you're wrong. I was never "with her" to begin with.

Koizumi:
Oh, well. I thought that you would've cooled off a bit more by now, I guess I was wrong.

Kyon:
The reason I got so angry yesterday was because I couldn't stand watching Miss Asahina getting abused and degraded like that.
But it's not the only reason. I could've been suffering from a calcium deficiency.
So, before bed last night, I downed a liter of milk, and it seemed calm me down a little bit.
It could've been a placebo effect, though.


Taniguchi:
Yeah, "movie," what a joke.

Kunikida:
Don't listen to him. He just upsets 'cause he wanted to hang out with you guys and Miss Suzumiya some more.
He even canceled his plans on that day.

Taniguchi:
Don't tell him that, you jerk.
So anyway, you can just forget about me helping out on anymore on your stupid projects.
Movie? Yeah, right.
Nobody's gonna watch that trash, for reals.

Kyon:
You're the last person I wanna hear that from.

It's not like I can't imagine it, though. But hearing a guy like him say it really pisses me off.
At least Haruhi is doing something for the school festival.
She's trying to get involved. Can you say the same about yourself?
Who cares if it's stupid? At least she's trying to make something.
Look at you. You're just sitting there and complaining.
Man, that really pisses me off.
Why am I so angry about it, though?
I wonder... Is it because I suddenly found the passion for making movies or something?

Kunikida:
Is there something wrong, Kyon?
Miss Suzumiya looked upset, too. Did something happen?

Taniguchi:
Lover's spat, whatever.

Kyon:
I get it now. I do what Haruhi tells me to do, and then I go out and complain about it.
There's no difference between me and Taniguchi.
I mean, I got so mad at the stuff he was saying just now, but how's it any different from what I've said before.

Dammit!

Taniguchi, you bastard. Thanks to you, I've realized something and I'm not happy about it!
And now, I'm gonna go do something I know I'll regret.
Dammit, dammit, dammit!

Hey, Haruhi.

Haruhi:
What do you want?

Kyon:
We're gonna finish this movie, and it's gonna be awesome.

Haruhi:
Well, of course, it will. I am the director, after all!
Everyone knows it's gonna be awesome. I certainly don't need you to tell me that.

Kyon:
Man, talk about her mood swing...
Oh, well. Things get weird when Haruhi is grumpy. So I guess this really is for the best.

Haruhi:
Here we go!


Koizumi:
You could've at least tried to pick a better way to say it to her.

Kyon:
Sorry.

Koizumi:
Not only is she back to her old self, now she's even more powerful than ever.

Kyon:
Sorry.

Koizumi:
We won't be able to cover things up for much longer.

Haruhi:
Can you believe how perfect this is?
I was just thinking about a scene with cherry blossoms.
This weird weather came along right in the nick of time!
Let me see your victory pose!
I know, we need to find ourselves a cat.

Kyon:
A cat?

Haruhi:
Yeah, every witch needs a familiar, right? And nothing seems familiar like a cat!
I wonder if there was a black cat around here.

Kyon:
Wasn't Nagato supposed to be playing an evil alien in this thing?

Haruhi:
You won't need details. I need a cat for this movie, so let's find one.
How about it, Yuki? Do you know any place around here where we can find a bunch of stray cats?