Haruhi-chan: Hi everyone! Drop what you're doing and grabs those opts ad pans 'cause it's time for Haruhi Suzumiya's simple cooking show.
Kyon: Yay!
Haruhi-chan: The topic for today's show is easy to make super nutritious healthy fresh rich simple and inexpensive cooking.
Kyon: Wow! That sounds ambitious and nutritious.
Haruhi-chan: For today's recipe we're going to have to boil some instant ramen.
Kyon: Hey! Isn't this supposed to be a healthy recipe?
Haruhi-chan: But you'll have to open the package first. Yuki…
Kyon: Ugh! That was unnecessary! That was completely and totally unnecessary!
Haruhi-chan: That sucks! It's all broken. Looks like damaged goods.
Kyon: Y'know the thing with the katana could also be to blame.
Haruhi-chan: Oh well, whatever. We can just skip the step where Yuki chops it all up into quarters.
Kyon: You were gonna throw it again?
Haruhi-chan: Next we place all of the pieces of ramen into a pot of boiling water. Then we're gonna cook for fifty hours.
Kyon: What? Cooking it for fifty hours isn't simple!!
Haruhi-chan: Don't worry about it, I've got a batched of it already cooked. It'll look simple to the audience but they'll never know the truth.
Kyon: That's not the problem!
Haruhi-chan: Mikuru! Bring the you-know-what over here.
Mikuru: Oh, okay! Waaaaaaah!
Haruhi-chan: Okay, we're gonna just move on and pretend that this batch has been boiling for fifty hours.
Kyon: Miss Asahina, duck down you're in the shot.
Haruhi-chan: We put the noodles in a bowl. Boiling them for fifty hours has turned them all mushy but here's the good thing, now they're easier to digest so they're even better for you.
Kyon: So, hang on a sec'. The noodles in that bowl were cooked the right amount of time but… Oh, never mind, I get where this is going.
Haruhi-chan: Let's set this aside for now and get ready to put on the finishing touches. I don't know about you but I'm tired. I'll be right back right after these commercials.
Kyon: Wait! We're got commercials?
Haruhi-chan: You can do it.
Kyon: Hey Nagato, what's up with the Katana anyway?
Koizumi: I can explain that! Miss Suzumiya wanted a really sharp kitchen knife to have on set today so I got in touch with my organization and they gave me that.
Kyon: Are you trying to get someone killed? I've never handled a real-life katana before, now that I'm holding one I sorta feel like cutting something.
Koizumi: If you don't mind, would you please point that at someone else for a while?
Yuki: Homing mode has been activated. You're now able to cut a target any way you wish.
Kyon: Yeah?
Koizumi: Why don't you try carving a human figure out of this daikon?
Kyon: Okay, here goes nothing…
Yuki: Carving a detailed form will cause a great deal of stress on your wrist. It is very dangerous for humans to use cutlery.
Koizumi: Yes, cutlery! His wrists were bending in all sorts of interesting ways weren't they. Can you handle it without incident Miss Nagato?
Yuki: Of course. I can carve miniature figures out of anything.
Koizumi: That's amazing.
Kyon: Okay, here I go again!
Koizumi: You don't know when to give up do you?
Kyon: Ha! After watching Nagato doing it I figured out exactly where I went wrong the last time.
Koizumi: Okay then, if you really want to.
Kyon: You have to do the cutting while the target's still in the air!!!
Koizumi: And he's spinning.
Haruhi-chan: Okay, we're back so let's hurry up and finish the soup already.
Kyon: She's bored.
Haruhi-chan: I got a bunch of healthy looking things here so I'm just gonna throw 'em in.
Kyon: That's too vague!!
Haruhi-chan: Cover it up and let the whole thing cook for five days.
Kyon: Five days!!!
Haruhi-chan: Okay Mikuru, try it again but without spilling.
Mikuru: The last time I messed up but this time I'm going to do my job properly.
Hi everyone! Drop what you're doing and grabs those opts ad pans 'cause it's time for Haruhi Suzumiya's simple cooking show.
Kyon:
Yay!
Haruhi-chan:
The topic for today's show is easy to make super nutritious healthy fresh rich simple and inexpensive cooking.
Kyon:
Wow! That sounds ambitious and nutritious.
Haruhi-chan:
For today's recipe we're going to have to boil some instant ramen.
Kyon:
Hey! Isn't this supposed to be a healthy recipe?
Haruhi-chan:
But you'll have to open the package first. Yuki…
Kyon:
Ugh! That was unnecessary! That was completely and totally unnecessary!
Haruhi-chan:
That sucks! It's all broken. Looks like damaged goods.
Kyon:
Y'know the thing with the katana could also be to blame.
Haruhi-chan:
Oh well, whatever. We can just skip the step where Yuki chops it all up into quarters.
Kyon:
You were gonna throw it again?
Haruhi-chan:
Next we place all of the pieces of ramen into a pot of boiling water. Then we're gonna cook for fifty hours.
Kyon:
What? Cooking it for fifty hours isn't simple!!
Haruhi-chan:
Don't worry about it, I've got a batched of it already cooked. It'll look simple to the audience but they'll never know the truth.
Kyon:
That's not the problem!
Haruhi-chan:
Mikuru! Bring the you-know-what over here.
Mikuru:
Oh, okay! Waaaaaaah!
Haruhi-chan:
Okay, we're gonna just move on and pretend that this batch has been boiling for fifty hours.
Kyon:
Miss Asahina, duck down you're in the shot.
Haruhi-chan:
We put the noodles in a bowl. Boiling them for fifty hours has turned them all mushy but here's the good thing, now they're easier to digest so they're even better for you.
Kyon:
So, hang on a sec'. The noodles in that bowl were cooked the right amount of time but… Oh, never mind, I get where this is going.
Haruhi-chan:
Let's set this aside for now and get ready to put on the finishing touches. I don't know about you but I'm tired. I'll be right back right after these commercials.
Kyon:
Wait! We're got commercials?
Haruhi-chan:
You can do it.
Kyon:
Hey Nagato, what's up with the Katana anyway?
Koizumi:
I can explain that! Miss Suzumiya wanted a really sharp kitchen knife to have on set today so I got in touch with my organization and they gave me that.
Kyon:
Are you trying to get someone killed? I've never handled a real-life katana before, now that I'm holding one I sorta feel like cutting something.
Koizumi:
If you don't mind, would you please point that at someone else for a while?
Yuki:
Homing mode has been activated. You're now able to cut a target any way you wish.
Kyon:
Yeah?
Koizumi:
Why don't you try carving a human figure out of this daikon?
Kyon:
Okay, here goes nothing…
Yuki:
Carving a detailed form will cause a great deal of stress on your wrist. It is very dangerous for humans to use cutlery.
Koizumi:
Yes, cutlery! His wrists were bending in all sorts of interesting ways weren't they. Can you handle it without incident Miss Nagato?
Yuki:
Of course. I can carve miniature figures out of anything.
Koizumi:
That's amazing.
Kyon:
Okay, here I go again!
Koizumi:
You don't know when to give up do you?
Kyon:
Ha! After watching Nagato doing it I figured out exactly where I went wrong the last time.
Koizumi:
Okay then, if you really want to.
Kyon:
You have to do the cutting while the target's still in the air!!!
Koizumi:
And he's spinning.
Haruhi-chan:
Okay, we're back so let's hurry up and finish the soup already.
Kyon:
She's bored.
Haruhi-chan:
I got a bunch of healthy looking things here so I'm just gonna throw 'em in.
Kyon:
That's too vague!!
Haruhi-chan:
Cover it up and let the whole thing cook for five days.
Kyon:
Five days!!!
Haruhi-chan:
Okay Mikuru, try it again but without spilling.
Mikuru:
The last time I messed up but this time I'm going to do my job properly.