Summer Illusion of Steel (鋼鉄のサマー・イリュージョン)

(ミテマスヨー)
Masatami:
Oh, what a beautiful girl.
So elegant and free. So graceful and delicate.
She shines brighter than the sun...
I want to meet her... I want to talk to her.
Washio:
To whom are you referring, Master?
Masatami:
That girl, Washio...
Washio:
But, Master Masatami.
Masatami:
Didn't you hear me?
I said I want to meet her.
Washio:
Ugh... Yes, Master.
Masatami:
Oh... that lovely girl...
That girl is like... She's like a thrilling, beautiful,
white silverfish that suddenly appears on my bookshelf.
Kaname:
It's so hot...

*[語  句]

(相良式防犯術)
Kaname:
I don't believe it!
They make me go buy the food?
Where did everyone run off to?
Kyoko:
Kaname!
Kaname:
Huh?
Kyoko:
You're so slow! How far did you go?
We've already gone out for a swim and come back.
Kaname:
Wasn't that a little careless?
Kyoko:
All right! Watermelon!
Kaname:
You guys left our stuff without someone to guard it.
All our wallets and things are in there, you know.
Sousuke:
No need to worry about that.
Kaname:
Huh?
Kyoko:
Now, let's split that watermelon!
Sousuke:
This is a classic trap.
If someone carelessly moves the bags the safety pin will pop out, and trigger a blast.
Any thief who would try to steal our bags would surely have learned a harsh lesson.
Kaname:
Of course.
So you neglected the fact that our wallets and bags would also have been blown up with this high pathetical thief.
Kaname:
You're such a...
Sousuke:
But if we set the example that "stealing will be dealt with severely like this,"
we can also contribute to the local anti-crime measures. It's a small price... Agh...!
Kaname:
Huh! Stop splitting hairs would you?
Mikihara:
She's not as crisp as she usually is.
Shinji:
Even her comeback lacked bite.

*[語  句]

(スイカ砕き)
Kyoko:
Never mind that. Let's get down to the business!
Now let's bust this thing open!
Kaname:
Fine, fine...
Kyoko:
Okay, who's gonna start?
How about you, Sousuke?
Mizuki:
A-Ha-HA, This'll be interesting. Go ahead!
Sousuke:
What do I do?
Kyoko:
You split the watermelon open with a CRACK, while blindfolded.
Sousuke:
That's it?
That's too easy.
Mizuki:
That's some big talk.
Kyoko:
Okay then, let's get the blindfold!
Mikihara:
And spin you around.
And round and round and round and round.
Kyoko:
And round and round. That should do it.
Okay, now begin!
Mikihara:
To your left, Mr. Sagara.
Kyoko:
All right, good luck!
Shinji:
Ah... No, not that way, Sousuke?
Mizuki:
No, no, let him go!
Kaname:
Oh, brother! They're acting like a bunch of children.
Huh? Wow?!
Mikihara:
Hey, what's the matter with you?
It seems like you've been down ever since we arrived here today.
Kaname:
Aw...
Mikihara:
Could it be sunstroke? Or perhaps something that you've eaten?
Kaname:
Ah... No, I'm fine honestly.
Mikihara:
Well, all right. If everything is fine.
Kyoko:
Hey, where are you going?
Shinji:
This way!
Mizuki:
He is not good at all.
Shinji:
Sousuke, I told you it's this way. Where are you going?
Kaname:
That jerk, he didn't even say a word...
When I worked out this new bikini and everything...
I felt pretty confident about my looks.
Kyoko:
Huh?
Sousuke:
A bull's eye. What a simple game.
At this level of difficulty, I... Huh...!
The others are not to blame for this. Accidents tend to happen in this kind of game.
Besides watermelon juice is harmless. You're in a bathing suit. It doesn't matter if you get dirty.
Just take a shower. It's not a prob... Eek?!
Kaname:
I'll show you a bull's eye!

Mikihara:
That was more...
Shinji:
...powerful than usual.
Mizuki:
Too powerful!
Kyoko:
Ah... Kaname?

*[語  句]

(仕事とはいえ変態大変です)
Kaname:
Huh... Sure, I knew he was that kind of guy, but...
that attitude... He really makes it tough to be confident...
Washio:
Excuse me.
Kaname:
Huh?
Washio:
Are you busy, young lady?
Kaname:
Ah...?!
Washio:
Care to go for a cup of tea?
Kaname:
Oh, uh, no, no thanks... Oh, I'm really not that kind of...
Washio:
Please reconsider. If you refuse my offer, I will be forced to disembowel myself.
Kaname:
A-Hahaha, that's quite unique pick-up line. It's pretty funny but...
The truth of the matter is I prefer man who are more, well how do I put this, um, slender.
Washio:
Then there isn't a problem.
My Master happens to be slender.
Kaname:
Master?
Washio:
Yes, he is waiting over there.
He has instructed me to tell you he'd love to meet you.

*[語  句]

(使用したスイカは美味しく頂きました)
Kyoko:
Mizuki, pass the salt.
Mizuki:
Here you go.
Shinji:
This watermelon's delicious, huh?
Mikihara:
Mr. Kazuma, we're saving that for Miss. Chidori.
Shinji:
Okay.
Kyoko:
Yeah, speaking of which, she hasn't come back yet.
Sousuke:
Yes, that's quite a long shower for simply washing off some watermelon juice.
Mizuki:
Am... Are you saying that because you believe it?
Sousuke:
What do you mean?
Shinji:
Sousuke, you mean you really don't know?
Sousuke:
Hm... A traffic accident, sudden illness, stepping on a land mine,
finding and trailing an old enemy, and kidnapping.
The most likely option is... Ah! The land mine?
Kyoko:
No, stupid! Kaname is mad at you.
I mean, we're also partly to blame, but you're the one primary at fault,
and you're the one she is really mad at, so you should be the one who go and try to find her.
Sousuke:
Hm... All right, I'll do it.
Shinji:
I wonder if he really gets it.
Kyoko:
He really is such a dimwit.
Mikihara:
I hope they can reach a reconciliation...
Mizuki:
Ah... Just leave them alone.

*[語  句]

(お帰りくださいませ旦那様)
Kaname:
Oh... Places that have money REALLY have money...
Washio:
This way please.
Kaname:
Oh... Right.
Lifeguard:
Hey! Hey! What do you think you're doing?
C'mon, get down from here! You get me in trouble!
Kaname:
Just how big is this place?
Washio:
Now please wait one moment.
Kaname:
Wow... So this is... a real rich person's place... Aw...
Masatami:
This is... really real!
Kaname:
Huh!
Masatami:
Ugh!
Kaname:
Yes, it's real!
Masatami:
I-I'm truly sorry...
I was just so incredibly happy. I forgot myself for a moment...
Kaname:
Who are you?
Masatami:
I am Masatami Hyuga.
Please forgive me for bringing you here in such an ungracious manner.
Normally I would have certainly extended an invitation to you in person,
but my doctor hasn't been allowing me to leave the house.
So I've been convalescing here.
Kaname:
You mean you're the master of this house?
Masatami:
Yes...
Kaname:
Frail, rich boys... they really do exist!
Masatami:
I'm sure that the sudden series of events have been very perplexing for you,
but, if you like, would you care to have a cup of tea?
Kaname:
Well I... I don't know about that...
Wow, he's cute... Am... Sure, I will take that cup of tea.
Masatami:
Really?! Thank you!
I'll have someone prepare it right away. But, Um...
Kaname:
Kaname. I'm Kaname Chidori.
Masatami:
Um, Miss Kaname... Oh, what a beautifully elegant name!
Like a quiet unassuming slug, the sound of your name crawls into my ears and soothe my souls.
Kaname:
Huh... A slug?
Washio:
Pardon me, Master Masatami.
Masatami:
Yes, Washio?
Washio:
You have a visitor.
He is saying something about receiving intelligence that a girl named Kaname Chidori must be here.
Kaname:
Sousuke?
Washio:
What shall I do?
Masatami:
Um... Is he a friend of yours?
Kaname:
Huh? Um... He's a...
Masatami:
Miss Kaname?
Kaname:
Grrr... He is nothing but a sick pervert!
He keeps on following me like some kind of stalker.
Masatami:
A sick... pervert? Really?
Kaname:
Yes, the sickest pervert ever!
Masatami:
You heard her?!
We cannot let such degenerates in here! Get rid of him!
Washio:
As you wish.
There is no one fitting that description.
Sousuke:
Please check one more time.
She's a sixteen-year old Japanese female just over one hundred sixty-five centimeters tall.
Long hair wearing white bathing suit. Physically fit with an ideal physique. Never given birth.
Accessories for today are a red ribbon, colored manicured nails...
Washio:
She isn't here. Please leave.

*[語  句]

(園芸革命)
Sousuke's comrades:
She's been captured?
Sousuke:
Collect. Though I don't have the full details, that much is certain.
If we don't rescue her, her life will be in danger.
Shinji:
You're exaggerating.
Mizuki:
Isn't this just another one of your mix-ups?
Sousuke:
Wishful thinking is deadly.
If we just stand idly by, then she...
Kaname:
No! Please! No! Stop! Stop!
Sousuke:
Aw... Damn scumbags!
Kyoko:
Sousuke, you're not thinking of something real dirty now, are you?
Sousuke:
Chidori! Don't die!

*[語  句]

(3人揃えばなんとやら)
Kaname:
Hm... It's good!
Masatami:
I'm truly pleased that you enjoy it.
Kaname:
This is really great. And this view here.
Sousuke... I wonder what he's doing now...
Masatami:
Something's the matter, Miss Kaname?
Kaname:
What? Uh, no, I was just thinking...
Masatami:
If you're concerned about that pervert, there's nothing for you to worry about.
This mansion is guarded on all fronts by double and triple layers of security.
So no normal person would be able to sneak their way in here.
Kaname:
No normal person... right.
Washio:
Pardon me, Master Masatami.
Masatami:
What is it, Washio?
Washio:
There are signs of an intruder on the cliffs.
I believe it's the pervert.
Kaname:
Huh?
Masatami:
What's the... Who is this man?
He's scaling the cliffs where the security is the weakest?!
Kaname:
Huh...
Masatami:
Aw, Miss Kaname! Please don't let this worry you.
Sameshima! Hyodo!
Sameshima & Hyodo:
You called us, Master Masatami?
Masatami:
Finally!
Miss Kaname, please allow me to introduce them.
You already know my driver, Washio.
Kaname:
Huh?!
Masatami:
The tall one is my cook, Sameshima.
The knife he uses to chop the ingredients he once used to chop up people.
The other one is my gardener, Hyodo. He is a master of the crossbow.
He could hit a target a hundred meters right between the eyes.
Along with Washio, they double as my bodyguards.
All three are professional warriors who have served in the French Foreign Legion.
Kaname:
Touche...
Masatami:
Washio, Sameshima, Hyodo.
Guards:
Yes.
Masatami:
Eliminate the intruder at once! Use caution!
Guards:
Master.
Kaname:
Aw... Wait a sec. Actually Masatami, you know...
Masatami:
Actually? Actually what?
Kaname:
I am... I'm not sure...
Guards:
Actually what?
Kaname:
Am... Ahahahaha... Best of Luck!
Guards:
Leave it to us, Miss Kaname!

*[語  句]

(御庭番衆)
Kaname:
Ahahaha... Huh? Huh?!
Masatami:
I'm surprised.
It seems Washio and the others have taken a shine to you.
Kaname:
A shine?
Masatami:
Yes, they've always been very curt to other guests, but today It's like something that a fire inside them.
Kaname:
Aw... And I'm pouring grease on it.
If this is how it's gonna be, I hope they can drive Sousuke away.
Sousuke:
Ugh... Agh...
Hyodo:
Whoof...
Say your prayers, you dirty freak! ...Huh? ...Ugh!
Sousuke:
Wait for me, Chidori!

*[語  句]

(おもひでボロボロ1)
Masatami:
Please don't worry, my bodyguards are the best in the business.
Kaname:
A-Hahahaha... Oh yeah, Masatami.
You mentioned that you've been recovering from some kind of illness, didn't you?
Are you still not feeling well?
Masatami:
No, I'm doing fine now. By sick I'm in a psychosomatic illness.
My doctor calls it an autonomic imbalance.
Kaname:
Oh, I've heard of that.
It's when you get constipated or have diarrhea from stress, right?
Masatami:
Um... Y-Yes, in my case, I mainly get migraines and shortness of breath.
So I can't concentrate on my studies.
Kaname:
Hm... This maybe too personal a question, but what could cause you to get all stressed out that way?
Masatami:
Aw... Well... I guess I'll tell you since it's you after all.
Kaname:
Uh-huh, well go for it!
Masatami:
I had a cousin six years older than I that I used to play with all the time when I was really little.
She and I were in love with each other, and when I was five, we vowed that we would marry when we got older.
She was sweet and very beautiful girl.
Two months ago, however, that cousin was involved in a traffic accident...
Kaname:
And your cousin died?
Masatami:
She got tangled with the flower shop track and the love with the driver!
Kaname:
What?!

*[語  句]

(登場シーンでの高笑いと長台詞は雑魚フラグ)
Sameshima:
W-WA-HA-HA-HA!
You must be some freak if you were able to get past Hyodo. Although!
We'll have to see if you can get past me?
I will give you one word of warning and then be silent!
Not a single person in the past has escaped my whip-like slash attack with its long reach!
I'm Sameshima the cook! When I was a mercenary, I went by the nickname of Sammy the Slash... Ugh!
Sousuke:
Wait for me, Chidori!

*[語  句]

(おもひでボロボロ2)
Masatami:
My cousin suddenly eloped! And without me!
Kaname:
Aw...
Masatami:
The other day, a postcard arrived from the Netherlands.
It read, "I'm very happy. You should come visit us sometime..."
She betrayed me, and then she had the gall to do THAT!
Kaname:
So... you're saying that's the entire reason for your illness?
Masatami:
T-T-The ENTIRE REASON?!
I was betrayed by the woman I trusted the most!
I can't trust anyone anymore not if they're going to let me down like that!
Kaname:
But it was a promise you made when you were five?
Masatami:
A promise is a promise! No matter what age!
And she tricked me! She cut me down to the bone!
You see, and forget this, HUH?! FORGET IT!
I'M GONNA CUT HER TO PIECES!
Kaname:
Come on now...
Masatami:
Oh... I apologize.
Whenever I start thinking about this, I just get so bent out of shape.
BUT I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE TRICK ME! I HATE IT SO MUCH I COULD DIE!
Kaname:
Aw, well... Everybody has things that make them mad just thinking about them, you know what I mean?
Masatami:
You're absolutely right. I just knew you'd understand the way I feel.
Miss Kaname, you're truly a remarkable girl.
Kaname:
A-HA, A-Ha... A-Hahaha...

*[語  句]

(着膨れしているに違いない)
Sousuke:
Agh...!
Washio:
Foo! You, fool!
Those sorts of projectiles have no effect on me!
Hm...! You missed! Ga... What?! AGHhh!
Masatami:
What was that?!
Washio:
Agh... You are a formidable opponent.
You launched a grenade knowing that this would happen even calculating the trajectory of the debris?
Sousuke:
No, I accidentally shot a live round instead of firing a practice round.
Washio:
Damn you, you freak!
Sousuke:
Wait for me, Chidori!

*[語  句]

(釘バットエンド)
Masatami:
Could it be that Washio and the others...
Kaname:
Don't tell me it didn't work...
Masatami:
Uh, ha, ha, Miss Kaname, stay where you are!
And even if the freak shows up I swear... AGHhhhh!
Kaname:
Oh...
Sousuke:
Chidori! You are here.
Kaname:
No, I'm not!
Masatami:
You, sick freak!
As long as I'm here, you won't lay a finger on Miss Kaname!
Aghhhh...! Ugh... How did you... Huh...
Sousuke:
That weapon is good for nothing but decoration.
If you're going to fight, use something like this instead.
Masatami:
Ahh...
Kaname:
Huh!
Masatami:
Ahh...
Sousuke:
C-Chidori, that hurt.
Kaname:
Will you just shut up?! And knock it off already!
I've had enough of your insensitivity...
Sousuke:
H-Hold on! I came here to rescue you.
So... you weren't being tortured here?
Kaname:
Tortured? What are you talking about?
I was having tea with him, so you don't have to butt in...
Masatami:
Miss Kaname...
Miss Kaname, I thought you told me that... that this guy was chasing after you.
Kaname:
Um-huh... Oh... Well... I was planning to tell you...
Because I figured you maybe had the wrong idea... So... Yeah... I mean...
I'm sorry, he's really a friend of mine...
Masatami:
So after all that you were just making fun of me too...
Kaname:
Um... I didn't mean to...
Masatami:
But you WERE, weren't you!
While I was scaring up to save you, you were secretly mocking me! You betrayed and tricked me!
Well, good job! I believed you, but you took my sincerity and tra... Ahhh...?! Ugh!
Kaname:
Sousuke?!
Sousuke:
I don't know the details, but this is your own fault.
You surrounded yourself with incompetent subordinates and allowed your judgment to be clouded.
If this were a battlefield, you'd be dead ten times over.
Kaname:
That's not the problem... Huh? Wow?!
Sousuke, wait!
Masatami:
Miss Kaname...
Sousuke:
Though, I admit you had some courage facing me in order to protect Chidori.
That took some guts.
Masatami:
Aw...
Sousuke:
What you lack now is the right frame of mind to control your emotions.
Don't deceive. Don't be deceived. Don't show weakness, show your spirit!
That is all. Farewell!
Kaname:
Aw, Hey! Sousuke, you're not gonna...
Sousuke:
Not a problem!
Kaname:
Ugh!
Washio:
Master Masatami!
Sameshima:
Master Masatami, you're all right?
Washio:
Master Masatami, where did that freak go?
Masatami:
He took our guest and left with her.
Guards:
He took Miss Kaname?!
Masatami:
Let them go...
Washio:
Huh?
Masatami:
Washio, I may very well have been too naive.
Washio:
What?
Masatami:
So "Don't show weakness, show your spirit," huh?
If you don't, you won't be able to protect the woman you love. Now I know.

*[語  句]

(器物損壊とか無視した綺麗なまとめ)
Kaname:
I should at least send him a letter of apology.
Sousuke:
Why do you need to apologize?
Kaname:
'Cause he's probably torn up.
Kids his age can get hurt really easily. Trust me I know.
Wasn't it like that for you too?
Sousuke:
I've been injured.
Kaname:
Ha-ha-ha-ha, Typical, Sousuke.
But when all is said and done, you did come to rescue me, didn't you?
Sousuke:
Correct.
Kaname:
So... you were worried... about me...
Sousuke:
Of course I was.
Kaname:
Huh... sorry...
Sousuke:
As long as you're all right...
Kaname:
Hm... Ha-ha...

(次回予告)
Kaname:
Come to think of it, why is this series called "FUMOFFU" anyway?
Sousuke:
There is a very good reason for that.
The truth will be revealed in the next episode.
Kaname:
So that's why, next time you should tune in for...
"The Hamburger Hill of Art" and "Single-Minded Stakeout!"
I bet the idiots on staff were actually cackling when they picked the name, weren't they?
Sousuke:
Actually, you're right.
Kaname:
Aw...

*[語  句]