Koizumi:
Lord Suzumiya, we have a report from the scout fleet.
The enemy's ships have been located.

Nagato:
Enemy fleet at altitude eight minutes twenty seconds.
Distance to our location is six point three astronomical unit at sixty percent light speed.
The enemy's fleet consists of approximately 15,000 ships.

Haruhi:
They're here.
We're gonna annihilate them.
All ships to battle stations!

Koizumi:
Aye, aye, ma'am!
All ships to battle stations.
Set all reactors to combat output.
Set all thrusters to first-stage speeds.
Three, two, one, ignition!

Mikuru:
Lo-Loading all cannons with super gravitational torpedoes...
And... um... load the super proton cannon, too.
Um... all cannons stand by to fire.

Nagato:
Maximum boosters.
Initiate electronic warfare.
ECMs, ECCMs are fully operational.

Haruhi:
Excellent!
All ships full speed ahead!

Kyon:
Hey, Haruhi. Don't you think it'd be better if you pull your ships back a little bit?
Your fleet shouldn't be so far in front of us.

Haruhi:
What are you talking about?!
I wanna shoot beams and missiles at the enemy, too!

Kyon:
Look! When you're playing shogi or chess, the king isn't the one who charges into enemy territory.

Haruhi:
Oh, yeah. Good thinking.
Okay, Kyon. You guys take care of it.
Go find the enemy leader and give him a good pummeling with your cannons.
And make sure you win!
I want you to take those fools from the Computer Club and beat the living daylights out of those geek boys!

Kyon:
Wouldn't it be better if we just raise the white flag now?
Well, I guess that's not gonna be an option today.



Kyon:
It is autumn now.
And the arts festival ended several days ago without incident.
Peace and quiet had returned to the campus.
You could say it was just another ordinary day.
Then again, I shouldn't be so quick to label an afternoon spent at the SOS Brigade headquarters as ordinary.
I mean, every day, I hang out with an alien, a time-traveler and an esper, and I'm still as sane and objective as ever.
Hm.. I wonder if that makes me special or something.
I'm sure Lacan's dying to have a word with me.

Koizumi:
You seem worried. Is something wrong?

Kyon:
Nope!
I was just thinking about how awesome I am for being able to cope with this absurd situation.
If you ask me, I think I'm due for a little praise.

Koizumi:
Yeah, you're right.
Well, would you like me to give you some words of praise, then?

Kyon:
You praising me won't make me any happier.
All it'll do is make me think you've got something up your sleeve.

Koizumi:
True enough.

Mikuru:
I'm sorry this took so long.
I bought a stem tea called Karigane.
It's the first time I've ever made it, so I hope I brewed it well.

Kyon:
Nonsense.
If the divine hands of Miss Asahina touched it, even tap water would taste better than melted snow from the Alps!

Mikuru:
I hope you like the flavor.

Koizumi:
By the way, where's Miss Suzumiya?

Kyon:
She's got clean-up duty.

Kyon:
It sure is peaceful if she's not around, isn't it.

Mikuru:
Yes, I'm coming.

Uh, it's the president of the Computer Club.

Chief:
Hm? Isn't your leader here today?

Kyon:
You guys want something?

Chief:
First, I want you to take this.
You'll find some game software on that disc.
Yeah, it's an original game that we designed and developed.
We had it on display at the arts festival.
Maybe you saw it?

Kyon:
I don't remember.

Kyon:
The only memory I want to retain from the arts festival is the image of Miss Asahina wearing that maid outfit.

Chief:
Really. Perhaps we were exhibiting it in the wrong place.

Kyon:
So, what did you guys want?

Chief:
That's right.
We've come here to challenge you and your Brigade thing!

Kyon:
Huh?

Chief:
A duel.
We fight a duel using our game!
Really, a duel!
We wanna duel against you guys!
A duel, a duel.
And with this, we're gonna put a stop to the SOS brigade's reign of terror over the....

Kyon:
I beg you. Please stop repeating the word "duel" over and over.
If Haruhi's ultra-sharp ears could hear you, you'd be as good as...

Haruhi:
Yaaah!

Club members:
Chief!

Haruhi:
So you want a duel?
Who are you guys, anyway?
Uh-huh, I bet you creeps are some kind of secret syndicate trying to muscle my SOS Brigade out of the way.
I won't let that happen!
Annihilating evil and shining light upon darkness is the sworn duty of a hero of justice.

Kyon:
Haruhi, you should listen to what people have to say before you kick them.

Haruhi:
Kyon, a duel is a duel from the very moment the word is mentioned.
Anything the loser says after that is just an excuse.
Huh? It's you guys?
Why are the Computer Club geeks picking up a fight with us?

Kyon:
That's exactly what they were about to explain to us before you took him out.

Haruhi:
Oh, they were, huh?

Chief:
Rotten SOS Brigade...
Whatever, we the members of the Computer Club hereby challenge the SOS Brigade to a duel!

Haruhi:
A duel, huh?

Club members:
Ah, Chief!

Kyon:
Come on guys, it's time to move the story along.

Haruhi:
Well, what's this all about?

Chief:
We made a game and we wanna fight you guys in it.
And if we win, you have to return it to us!

Haruhi:
What do you mean? Return what?

Chief:
You're not using it, get back our computer!

Haruhi:
But I use this thing all the time.
A couple of days ago, we cut our movie on it.

Kyon:
Actually, I did that.

Haruhi:
And we made our homepage with it.

Kyon:
Yep, did that, too.

Chief:
What are you talking about?!
You barely even update your homepage!

Kyon:
Uh-huh, so he's the guy who's always visiting our site.
That explains the camel cricket.

Haruhi:
Wait a second.
When I went over there and I said I wanted it, you said you gave it to me.
You remember it too, don't you Kyon?

Kyon:
You sure about that?

Chief:
The deal is off!
And besides, you bullied me into it!
In fact, I'm even willing to forget the mental trauma you inflicted upon me when you abducted my computer.
Yes, I wanna forget it.
We should both forget it.
Anyway, whatever, we wanna fight you, you got it?!

Haruhi:
Sure you got it.
If you wanna fight us so bad, then we accept your challenge.
Now then, what do you guys give us if we win?

Chief:
Well, let's see...
How about four brand-new laptops?
That's one laptop for each member.

Haruhi:
Are you serious?

Chief:
Oh, yes.

Haruhi:
Really?
I'm not gonna let you call it off if you change your mind.
You understand?

Chief:
Don't worry, you have my word.

Haruhi:
You're pretty confident, aren't you?
All right.
Now that I think about it, you guys don't have any girls in your club.
If you guys beat us, we'll give her to you.
How about that?

Chief:
Huh?

Haruhi:
I'm sure you guys can find a good use for Yuki. (xxxx)
Since you are putting up four computers against the one we have, Yuki helps to even out the stakes!

Chief:
Yeah, well now...

Kyon:
Nah, there's a big difference between the specs of four laptops and Nagato.
But you wouldn't know that.

Haruhi:
Really?
Then, do you want Mikuru instead?

Kyon:
Why don't you be the prize?
If you're gonna bet anything, how about you go ahead and bet your own body?
Stop being so selfish for once.

Haruhi:
What are you talking about?
Are you forgetting that I'm the divine and sacred figurehead of the SOS Brigade?
I'm your leader, dummy.
I will never give up this position except to the person I feel is the chosen one.

Kyon:
You mean, you're gonna stay here even after you graduate?

Haruhi:
What's gonna meet?
Who do you prefer?

Chief:
Well... I... yeah...

Haruhi:
I see. So that's how it's gonna be.
If you insist, you can have me.

Chief:
No! No, absolutely no, no way...

Haruhi:
Hm?

Chief:
The game is an online space battle simulator, five players versus five.
The battle will begin at four o'clock one week from today.
Until then, you should brush up on your skills.
We'll be disappointed if you're too weak.

Kyon:
He's acting like he's already won.

Haruhi:
How generous of you to give us our prizes in advance.
Um-hum.
After all, each Brigade member should have their own computer.

Kyon:
And she's acting the exact same way.



Kyon:
About this duel coming up, let's just try not to cheat, okay?

Koizumi:
Cheat? Us?

Kyon:
Yeah, this time around, all alien, futuristic and esper methods of cheating are one hundred percent completely off-limits, you got that?
We'll fight fairly and accept the outcome whatever that may be.
That is the best way.

Koizumi:
Then you won't mind if we just happen to lose the game.

Kyon:
That's right.
The only thing we're gonna lose is the computer we stole from them.
And I guess that's not such a big deal.

Although, if that does happen, I'm gonna need to relocate the Asahina gallery.

Koizumi:
Oh, I'm not talking about the computer.
Miss Suzumiya doesn't like to lose at anything ever, remember?
Whenever she feels like she's going to lose, she creates closed space.
And then, she lets those you-know-whats loose.
You'll be okay with that?

Haruhi:
Starting tomorrow, Mikuru, routine training gets extensive, so get ready. Stop. So you gotta get psyched and try to keep up.

Kyon:
I don't really care.
Besides, it's about damn time that girl learned a lesson.
What's up? You're creeping me out.

Koizumi:
No, sorry, I just got a bit jealous though.
I admit I'm a little envious of the invisible trust that exists between Miss Suzumiya and yourself.

Kyon:
I don't have any idea what you're talking about.

Koizumi:
Let's say we lose the game against the Computer Club next week.
And based on what you've already seen with your own eyes, you're choosing to believe that Miss Suzumiya won't create a closed space this time.
Well, that's because you trust her.
Then there's Miss Suzumiya, she believes you are the one who is going to lead our team to victory.
So she trusts you.
She's so confident she's going to win that she'll risk losing her own members in the wager.
That is trust.
Although she'd never come right out and say it, the truth of the matter is that between the two of you, there is the most ideal bond of trust I have ever seen.



Koizumi:
The Day of Sagittarius part Ⅲ, huh?

Kyon:
So there was a "part Ⅰ" and a "part Ⅱ" before this version?

Haruhi:
Lame. Sounds like they were going for something cool-sounding.
That doesn't make any sense though.

Kyon:
What are you talking about?
Is the SOS Brigade any better?

Well, at least, the game looks simple enough to play.
Each of the five players is given a fleet of 15,000 spaceships, which they are able to command from their own computer.
You win a game by destroying all the enemy ships or by blowing up the enemy leader's flagship.

Haruhi:
What's with this bright spot?

Koizumi:
That's your line of sight.
You can see enemies and obstacles only when they're inside that bubble.
In order to play, you'll have to send out scout ships from your fleet to increase your field of vision.
Basically, in order to win this thing, it looks like you need to find out where your enemy is(xxx), and take them out as fast as you can.

Mikuru:
So you can't see the enemy in the beginning?
Um, Kyon, I, uh... I'm not really good at stuff like this.
I don't think I understand it at all.

Kyon:
Hey, don't worry.
Just take your time, get used to the controls, and try and have some fun with it.

Haruhi:
This is not supposed to be fun!
We're gonna crush the Computer Club so hard, they won't be able to stand up!
Now let's get some training happening.
Naturally, I'll be commanding this outfit.
Now hut to it, battle positions!

Kyon:
At least, we've got Nagato on our side.
I take it back--we're dead.


Haruhi:
All ships, attack!

Everyone:
Ah!

Haruhi:
All ships, attack!

Everyone:
Ah!

Haruhi:
All ships, attack!

Everyone:
Ah!

Haruhi:
All ships, attack!

Everyone:
Ah!

Haruhi:
We've got beaten again!
Kyon, this rotten game's irritating me!

Kyon:
It's because you keep rushing in.
You don't just charge into a battle at the beginning.

Haruhi:
Jeez, this thing is such a drag.
I'd much rather play something easier to understand.

Kyon:
Is it just me, or are you having fun over there?
I meant what I said before, there's absolutely no cheating this time, okay?

Nagato:
...



Haruhi:
Today, the skies are clear and the waves are high.
This battle will decide the destiny of the empire.
And believe me, this is just the beginning.
We'll vaporize anything that gets in our way.
The SOS Brigade will make its name known to the ends of the universe!
One day, I'll talk to the board of education about creating branches of the SOS Brigade in every public school!
Obviously, we're going to win, but I still won't allow any slacking!
Now, pulverize them!

Kyon:
Whatever gives her that confidence,I want it.
Even if it's only two milligrams, I want it.

Haruhi:
Oh, really?
Do you want me to pump some into you?

Haruhi:
There. Bet that did the trick.

Kyon:
What good does it do to stare at me and make me uncomfortable?

Haruhi:
I charged my glare with a bunch of energy and sent it into you.
You probably felt something like your body getting warmer.
Maybe you're starting to sweat.
You feel it, don't you? You feel it?

Kyon:
No, I felt like my life was in danger.

Koizumi:
Looks like the game is about to begin.

Haruhi:
All ships, ahead!

Kyon:
Well, the game's begun.
And as luck would have it, we've just run across an enemy fleet.
Thanks to Nagato, we somehow manage to figure out the enemy's movements.
She scouts and fights the enemy simultaneously. Talk about bravery.
Miss Asahina, the gaming-novice, and Haruhi, the charging idiot, are completely useless.
It's five against three, and we are the ones outnumbered.

Koizumi:
The enemy is using the V-formation to try and lure us into their firing range.
I think we should counter with a defensive strategy.

Kyon:
Sounds like a great plan.
But what would Haruhi say about the strategy of yours.
What the...?
We're being attacked by another enemy fleet?
Where did these guys come from?

Koizumi:
They're going after my fleet, too.
How did they figure out where we were?

Haruhi:
What are you doing?
Hurry up and start retaliating!

Kyon:
I didn't need you to tell me that.
Starboard, ninty degrees. Open all cannons.

Koizumi:
Sounds like someone's getting serious about this game.

Kyon:
Enemy fleet in range!
Beam cannons, open fire!
Wait, hang on!

Kyon:
Damn, they've got away.

Koizumi:
Same over here.
They unloaded on us for a bit, then vanished into thin air.

Kyon:
The old hit-and-run tactic, huh?

Koizumi:
Whoa, they're back, other side.

Kyon:
They're just picking us off.

Haruhi:
What are you doing, slowpoke?
They're getting away!

Kyon:
I know, but I can't do anything to stop them.
Those jerks are hitting us from both sides!

Haruhi:
It's time to launch the G***dams!

Kyon:
Here I go... wait!

Mikuru:
Um... can someone please tell me where I am right now?

Haruhi:
I can't take this anymore!
Attention fleet, full speed ahead!
I'm gonna find the enemy leader and pummel him to bits!

Kyon:
What are you doing? Pull back!

Koizumi:
He's right, leave this to us.

Haruhi:
Out of my way!
The leaders are gonna duke this out one-on-one!

Kyon:
Fall back! We don't even know where he is!

Haruhi:
Then leave it to me--I'll find him!

Kyon:
I'm telling you, fall back!

Koizumi:
Let's calm down.
The enemy's shooting at us.

Mikuru:
Hey you guys! Where did everyone go?

Haruhi:
Move out!

Kyon:
I can't! I'm stuck here!
We're gonna lose this thing.
Huh? What the...?!

Koizumi
Wow, she split up her fleet.

Kyon:
You can do that?

Koizumi
I remember reading about it in the back of the manual.
Apparently, you can split your fleet up into twenty squadrons and control them separately.
The thing is, it isn't humanly possible to control so many squadrons at the same time.
So... nobody was doing it.

Kyon:
Isn't humanly possible, huh?

Mikuru:
Aren't you afraid you'll break the keyboard hitting it that hard?

Haruhi:
Anyone accepting defeat will be punished by running ten laps around the school--naked!
And you'll have to yell "Green Martians are chasing me" for the whole ten laps!

Kyon:
Uh... you know...

Hmm? Um, Miss Nagato... yeah. hi.
What exactly are you doing right now?

Hey, Nagato.

Nagato:
What?

Kyon:
I thought I told you before that we weren't gonna cheat this time.

Nagato:
I am not.
Currently, I am not engaged to manipulating special data.
I'm adhering to the rules of the game.

Kyon:
Ugh, you serious?

Nagato:
I am serious.
The Computer Club is the one that is cheating.

Kyon:
They are?
Then what are they doing?

Nagato:
They deactivated their scouting mode.
Since the beginning of the game, everything on the map including our positions has been visible.

Kyon:
It's amazing I understood what you just said.
They've got it fixed so that we can't see where they're hiding but they can see where we are.
It's no wonder they're killing us.

Nagato:
Yes. Since we started playing, we never had any options except losing.
I want to change that.

Kyon:
Okay, they've been cheating, I understand that.
However, if we start using magic to cheat back at them.
At the end of the day, we're no better than they are.
You get where I'm coming from?
In fact, we'd be worse than them.

Nagato:
I repeat, I am not disobeying your orders.
I would like to modify the program in a manner that is consistent with the current levels of Earth technology, ensuring equal playing conditions.
May I?

Kyon:
Are you doing this because you want to win?

Kyon:
Okay, let's do it then!

Nagato:
Done.

Chief:
Nice, very nice!
I was a little worried there when they fired up the squadron mode, but we've still got the advantage--we see them, but they can't see us.
Time to wrap this up.
Destroy them! Annihilate the SOS Brigade!
Wha...?

Club Member:
Chief! Scouting Mode has been activated!

Club Member:
They're attacking in our blind spot.
We can't figure out their movements!

Chief:
What are you idiots doing?
Deactivate Scouting Mode, turn it off!

Club Member:
We can't change it!
It's denied access.
We're locked out!

Chief:
That's... impossible.

Haruhi:
I got ya! Fire! Fire! Fire!

Kyon:
Say good night!

Haruhi:
Damn you, Kyon, that's my enemy!


Koizumi:
We've managed to destroy two of the enemy's fleets, and the others are looking a bit confused.
Thanks to Miss Nagato's squadrons, it looks like the tides of war finally turned in our favor.

Kyon:
Yeah, but the enemy leader's still out there.
So, how are we gonna take him out?

Nagato:
No problem. I'll force him in your way.

Chief:
D-Damn it!

Kyon:
Wow, he's driving his fleet right into our sights.

Koizumi:
Just like a mouse caught in a trap.

Mikuru:
Uh, am I supposed to shoot this thing?

Haruhi:
I don't get what just happened, but great job guys!
All ships, open fire!
Go out there and burn the enemy leader with all the fires of hell.

He's getting away!

Chief:
This can't be happening.
Glory to the Computer Club!



Chief:
I lost. We were beaten. I apologize now. I admit it. I'm sorry.
But I can't believe... I-I just can't believe the program was re-written during gameplay.
That's impossible...

Haruhi:
What are you mumbling about?
Whatever, you do remember your promise, right?
These laptops belong to the SOS Brigade now.
And I won't let you back out of it.

Chief:
Hey, um... tell me, I wanna know who did it.
Whoever cracked that program has to be some kind of super hacker.
Never mind, I think I know who it was.

If you ever have free time, I was wondering if you consider participating in Computer Club activities? Please!

Kyon:
Great. He's trying to recruit Yuki.

Haruhi:
Oh, hang on!
You can't just rent Yuki without my permission, got it?
She's the silent character in the SOS Brigade line-up.
And besides, I saw her first, so there.

Kyon:
Hang on.

Kyon:
I think that even someone like Nagato has to have other interests.
No, I can't be sure, but it looked to me like she was having fun pounding away on that keyboard.
Besides, I bet she gets tired of observing Haruhi all the time.
I know I would.
I mean, even a humanoid interface designed for contact with organic life forms needs a break every now and then.

Just do what you want, okay?
If you feel like going next door and playing around on their computers, it's totally cool.

Nagato:
Oh... Perhaps I will.

Chief:
Seriously? Oh, thank you!

Kyon:
There you go.

Haruhi:
I guess it's okay if Yuki's fine with it.
Oh, by the way, the Computer Club lost the game.
And as the losers, you have to do whatever the winners tell you to do.

Chief:
What?

Haruhi:
All you need to do is swear your absolute loyalty to me.
Oh, don't worry, I'll treat you nice.
And if you guys work really hard, I just might let you become a member of the Brigade.
Koizumi, draw up a contract for him to sign!

Koizumi:
As you wish, your Highness.