Yuki:
I know of one.

Kyon:
And with that, Nagato took us to a spot behind her apartment building.

Haruhi:
Oh, look. They're not afraid of us.
Let's see, where's a black cat?
Oh well, then. This guy just is good.

Kyon:
She's changed the concept again.

Haruhi:
He's not exactly a black cat, but he's better than nothing.
Okay, Yuki. This is your brand-new familiar.
I know you'll be good friends.


Kyon:
We started shooting again. Looks like it doesn't matter where we shoot anymore.

Haruhi:
Attack Mikuru with your weird powers!

Yuki:
Accept your fate.

Mikuru:
Ahh!

Haruhi:
Cut it! That's nice!
Wouldn't it be cool if your cat could talk? I mean, he is a witch's cat, after all.
He should make some snide remarks or something.

Kyon:
That's absurd.

Haruhi:
I think I'm gonna call you Shamisen. Come on, Shamisen, say something!

Kyon:
He's not gonna talk. Oh, please, Cat, don't talk.
Wait, "Shamisen"!?


Haruhi:
We've got some good stuff today.
Kyon, you're gonna be responsible for that cat.
Take him home tonight and teach him a couple of tricks by tomorrow.
Something simple like, I don't know, like jumping through a ring of fire.
Well, that's wrap-up for today, everyone.
We're gonna be shooting the big climax tomorrow.
The footage looks great and everybody's doing an awesome job.
Get some rest, and we'll hit it hard tomorrow.

Kyon:
Good work today. I'll go buy you some cat food later. Or maybe some dried sardines?

Shamisen:
Either one's okay with me.

Kyon and Mikuru:
Huh?

Kyon:
Hey, Nagato, was that you just now? I was actually talking to the cat.

Shamisen:
Well, you asked me a question, didn't you? That's why I answered.
Did I say something wrong? Or, we'd speak into someone else?


Koizumi:
Japanese bobtail. Quite a surprise, isn't it?

Kyon:
That's probably the last thing you should be surprised by.

Mikuru:
That's amazing. I never thought I'd see a talking cat...

Shamisen:
I don't understand why everyone here is so surprised that I'm talking.

Kyon:
He's a mutant cat. No, a cat monster.

Shamisen:
But looking at it from your perspective, I can see how the sounds I'm making might seem like human speach to you, people.
And if that's the case, how can you be sure that the sounds coming out of me means the same as the words you think I'm saying, it might be gibberish, you know?

Kyon:
But the fact that you're answering my questions is proof you understand what I'm saying.

Shamisen:
Look, it's possible that these sounds only happen to seem like answers to your questions.
Just because I reply to you doesn't mean I know what I'm talking about.

Kyon:
So, basically what you're saying is that even if two people are talking, it doesn't mean they're actually having a conversation.

Shamisen:
You know that's true. Even if two people are in a conversation and believe they understand each other, there's no guarantee they're truly expressing the ideas behind the words they're using.

Koizumi:
He's right. People can say one thing and mean another.

Kyon:
Oh, shut up.

Mikuru:
The cat does bring up a good point, though... doesn't he?

Kyon:
I'm sorry, but do you think you could stop talking, too?


Koizumi:
As it stands right now, the situation is pretty bad. It seems we've underestimated Miss Suzumiya's abilities yet again.

Mikuru:
Sorry, I don't think I understand.

Koizumi:
There's a chance the reality of the movie might very well become the new day-to-day reality of this world.
If Miss Suzumiya says to herself, "I'd like to shoot the scene where a giant meteor crashes," it might actually happen.

Mikuru:
What are we gonna do?

Koizumi:
We have to keep her from using her imagination from destroying our world.
As it is right now, she's unconsciously confusing what's real or what's not real.

Kyon:
It's hard to stop her when she's on a roll.

Koizumi:
Miss Suzumiya's strange powers are being filtered and given life through the world of the movie she's making.
If we wanna prevent anything bad from happening, we have to figure out how to make her accept that is all fiction, then we have to help her turn the story around into something more reasonable.

Kyon:
That's great, but how are we gonna explain the talking cat to her?

Koizumi:
I really don't think we should explain anything to her.
If we did that, we'd find ourselves in a new reality where every single cat would suddenly be able to talk.
But you see, something like that is impossible in our world.

Kyon:
What about the fact that you guys are here?

Koizumi:
True. The three of us wouldn't be sitting here with you if it weren't for Miss Suzumiya and her abilities.
The same goes for the talking cat.

Kyon:
Can't we do something about this?

Koizumi:
If this were a fantasy world, you wouldn't need explanations for all the phenomena around us.
But if we tell her that talking cats and Mikuru Beams exist, then the reality of this world will change.
Do you understand what that means?
The reality of our current world would suddenly change, it would turn into a place where supernatural phenomena exist and are the norm.

Kyon:
So, what are we gonna do?

Koizumi:
We just have to find a suitable ending to the movie--one that Miss Suzumiya will accept, of course.

Kyon:
Sure, if one exists.

Koizumi:
Oh well, actually.
There is one type of ending that can take any nonsensical plot and turn it into something that makes perfect sense to an audience.

Kyon:
Well, what is it?

Koizumi:
"It was a dream."
No joke, that was the ending I was talking about.

Kyon:
Do you honestly think Haruhi's gonna believe that?

Koizumi:
I didn't say it was gonna be easy. But if she believes that's the best way to end the movie, our problems will be solved.
The trick is to pitch the concept to her so that she accepts an ending where everything is explained as a dream, a lie, or a mistake.

Kyon:
You might think that's the best solution. And even I might be inclined to agree with you on that.
But what's Haruhi gonna say?


Kyon:
Here's the deal. No talking in the house.
You're a cat. You're gonna act like a cat, got it?

Shamisen:
Not quite sure what "act like a cat" means, but if that's what you want, I'll do my best.

Kyon:
Don't talk. If you wanna say something, say "meow".

Shamisen:
Meow.


Kyon's sister:
Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty!

Shamisen:
Meow.


Kyon:
There we go.
Okay, I guess I'll see you later, then.

Shamisen:
Yeah, you got it.

Kyon:
It was just a few days before the festival.
And an atmosphere of utter chaos was slowly spreading through the school, as if it was somehow connected to Haruhi's excitement.

Soldier:
Hurry! We've got to find the legendary Crystal Crescent Orb!

Dwarf:
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Kyon:
And if a couple of people from another world decided to show up, I doubt they'd feel out of place here.


Tsuruya-san:
Hey, Kyon! Mikuru wants to tell you something.
Go ahead, Mikuru, give it to him!


Mikuru:
Okay, umm, this is what I... Here!

Tsuruya-san:
It's a coupon for the yakisoba café our class is doing for the festival.

Kyon:
Thank you. I'll definitely come.

Mikuru:
And if you wanna bring some friends along, you can invite them, too.

Tsuruya-san:
Guess we'll be seeing you later.

Kyon:
Oh?

Mikuru:
Can we talk?

Kyon:
Is everything okay?

Mikuru:
It's just if I say what I'm about to say, it might sound like I don't trust Koizumi, but, um, I have to say anyway...

Kyon:
Uh-huh?

Mikuru:
It's just that, um... I don't think the same as him.
How do I say it, I've got... a different opinion about things than Koizumi.

Kyon:
Are you talking about his theory that "Haruhi is a God" or something?

Mikuru:
There's no doubt that Miss Suzumiya has the power to alter the reality of the present.
But I don't think she can change the actual structure of this world.
The world has always been this way.

Kyon:
So what you're saying is that you believe the completely opposite of what Koizumi told me.

Mikuru:
I'm pretty sure Miss Nagato has a different opinion, too.
Umm, I know this might give you a bad impression of Koizumi as a person.
I'm really sorry, but it's just that... You shouldn't believe what he says...
Wait! No, I didn't mean it that way.
Umm, I'm sorry, I'm no good at explaining things, and I'm not allowed to say much, but still I...!

Kyon:
I think I understand. You don't think there's anyway Haruhi could be a God.
Your explanation is way easier to understand than Koizumi's. That's for sure.

Mikuru:
Mmhmm. Thank you. Still, I hope you understand that I don't have anything against Koizumi as a person.
I just wanna be clear about that, okay?


Yuki:
This is what Mikuru Asahina believes to be true.
Haruhi Suzumiya did not create the world, the world as it currently exists has always been this way.
Psychic powers and time travel, extraterrestrial life forms and supernatural beings are all tangible elements within reality.
Haruhi Suzumiya's purpose is unconsciously discover them, her ability to do so activated approximately three years ago.
She's able to detect the unusual, but she can never recognize their existence.
That is because there are elements in place which prevent her from discovering the truth.
That would be us.

Kyon:
Haruhi never notices the weird things going on around her, do Miss Asahina and Koizumi have different reasons for keeping her in the dark like that?

Yuki:
Yes. Miss Asahina was sent by her superiors to this time plane to protect the time plane where she is from.

Kyon:
I think she just said something important, but she's so casual about it.

Yuki:
Itsuki Koizumi and Mikuru Asahina will never agree on their respective interpretations.
To them, any theory which diverges from their own disrupts the logic of their theory and negates their existence.

Kyon:
Ugh, hold on. I remember Koizumi telling me he didn't get his esper powers until three years ago. Is that true?

Yuki:
There is no evidence that what Itsuki Koizumi says is actually the truth.

Kyon:
She's right. There's no proof.
Koizumi's theory is just a convenient explanation for all the weird stuff that's happened to me.
So, who knows that's the truth?
The same goes for Miss Asahina's theory.
There's no guarantee her version of thing is the right one, either.

What's your opinion about it? Who's telling the truth?
And what about the stuff you were telling me before, you know, about auto-evolution?

Yuki:
Regardless of which theory I present you with, there is no way for you to determine it's truth.

Kyon:
Why not?

Yuki:
There is no guarantee that what I have been saying is the truth, either.
Not for you, anyway.


Kyon:
I don't get it. But who would?
Koizumi and Nagato need to figure out how to explain this to me so I can understand.

Soldier:
The orb! The orb is mine!

Soldier:
Come back here!


Kyon:
The only person who thought the shooting was going well was Haruhi.
Of course, this made the gloom on the faces of Koizumi, Miss Asahina and myself that much gloomier.
At some point during the day, the toy guns started firing water-bullets instead of BBs.
Haruhi brought different color contacts for Miss Asahina, which made her shoot even more dangerous things to me.
And each time she did, Nagato bit her.
A couple of days after the cherry trees started to blossom, the petals fell off.
The white pigeons at the shrine had turned into passenger pigeons, which have been extinct for a while now.
And even the season seemed to be completely out of whack.


TV:
The current high for Nikkei future has risen to 9,360 yen, with a low of around 9,250...

Kyon's sister:
Hey, Kyon! Your friend's here!

Kyon:
Hm?

Koizumi:
Hi.


Koizumi:
It's clear that Miss Suzumiya doesn't care about certain details like plot or foreshadowing.
And I doubt that she's even come up with the proper ending for the film yet.
Who knows the movie might end unfinished?

Kyon:
That could be a big problem, couldn't it?

Koizumi:
Only if the reality of this world suddenly becomes the fictional one.
You know, I've been meaning to tell you something, the organization I belong to and the group Miss Asahina's with aren't the only ones with theories centered around Miss Suzumiya and her powers.
There are many others.
I'd love to tell you all about the conflicts and bloody battles going on behind the scenes, or at least give you the condensed version.
There's alliance and betrayal, sabotage and sneak attacks, destruction and slaughter.
Each group brought in the fight to the death trying to survive.
Of course, None of it has anything to do with you or Miss Suzumiya. Don't you worry about that.
And I'd prefer it if Miss Suzumiya never found out about it, either.
I wouldn't wanna do anything that would cause her any pain.
If I held her up to my standards, I'd say Miss Suzumiya has a lovable character.
Oh, and so do you, of course.

Kyon:
Is there some reason that you're telling me all this stuff?

Koizumi:
There isn't any reason at all. Just making an observation.
It's not important anyway and not much fun to discuss.

Kyon:
You're right about that. I'm definitely not having fun.

Koizumi:
There's something else you should hear that won't be funny, either.
Have you ever wondered why Miss Asahina's a part of our little group? I mean, the real reason why she's with us?
Her role in all this is to entice you over to her side.
The only person, I know, who can get Miss Suzumiya to listen to them is you, isn't it?
You see, that's why it's so important to get a hold of you.
With her good looks, her childish behavior, and the way she constantly allows herself to be subjected to Miss Suzumiya's unreasonable demands.
It's all just an elaborate scheme to get your attention. You know?

Kyon:
Getting tired of your jokes now.

Koizumi:
Oh, I'm sorry.
I guess I don't have the talent to keep a joke going even if I started it.
I was kidding, of course. How's it going on?
The pressure of my class's play along with Miss Suzumiya's movie are starting to get to me. At least that's my interpretation.
And if closed space would appear on the top of all that, I think I'd probably pass out.
In fact, that's the reason for the request I'm about to make.
Please help. You have to try to put an end to all the strange phenomena that's been caused by Miss Suzumiya's movie.

Kyon:
Let me get this straight, you want me to make sure Haruhi thinks that everything she's been putting in her movie is the product of her imagination.
Is that right?

Koizumi:
Yes, exactly. But it'll only work if she believes it.
And it has to happen before we finish shooting the movie.
All of us are counting on you.

Kyon:
What the heck's with that guy?
He just made me responsible for everything.

Yeah, but still... I guess I can't just ignore it.
God, this is so annoying.

A movie is a movie, and reality is reality. They're two totally different things.
It's pretty obvious, so why is it up to me to convince her of it?
Koizumi said "the movie has to be a dream," but there's got to be another way.
Huh?


Kyon:
The next day, I cornered Haruhi and pitched the concept I had in mind.
Then after discussing it, she agreed.


Haruhi:
Okay, cut!
Great job, guys! We only have a couple of shots away from finishing this thing! Everyone's been great! I mean it!
Let's meet in the clubroom first thing tomorrow morning for a sneak preview.
Oh, Mikuru! Why are you crying?
Save those tears of yours for when you get the Palme d'Or or the Oscar!
We should all be happy we made this together!

Kyon:
The final battle between Mikuru and Yuki awakens Itsuki Koizumi's powers, and this deus ex machina power that no one understands knocks Yuki out in the space.
With that, the curtain rolls on our story. The end!

Koizumi:
Looks like it's finally over.

(Haruhi:
Come on, Mikuru, over here!

Mikuru:
Huh? But (xxx) we've done.)

Koizumi:
But now that we were done, it feels like it ended rather quickly, doesn't it?
You know that old saying, "time flies when you're having fun."
Although in our case, I wonder who was having fun.

Kyon:
Beats me.

Koizumi:
I hope it won't be too much trouble if I leave the rest for you to handle.
I can't stop thinking about that play I'm in.
Unlike a movie, rf I'm upon stage and I mess up a line, there are no second takes.
Oh, there's one more thing.
My organization's very grateful. They thank you. And I thank you, too.

Haruhi:
Okay, shout it loud!

Mikuru:
Our movie is gonna be a Hollywood blockbuster!
We'll win the golden bear and the golden lion cup!

Haruhi:
That was great! Now, point at the future!

Kyon:
Oh, brother...

Mikuru:
Okay...


Kyon:
To tell you the truth, up until the very end, I didn't have a pixel of an idea what kind of movie Haruhi was actually trying to make.
And I bet you already knew this, but there wasn't enough time to finish the visual effects, not that I was capable of doing stuff like that in the first place.
And Haruhi didn't like that.

Haruhi:
We can't show this picture until all the effects are done, so it's up to you!
Now figure it out!

Kyon:
But the festival's tomorrow. I'm running on fumes here.

Haruhi:
You can make the deadline if you'll work through the night.
Pull an all-nighter if you have to.
I'm gonna stay too and help you out.


Haruhi:
You can totally (xxx) the BBs!

Kyon:
When all is said and done, Haruhi wasn't much help at all.
To be perfectly fair though, I sort of fell asleep, too.


Haruhi:
Kyon. Kyon! Come on, wake up!
So, how did it turn out?

Kyon:
There wasn't any point staying over night. The thing still isn't finished.

(Mikuru:
...from the future!)

Haruhi:
Wow...
I'm surprised. Considering you did all the effects last minute, it's pretty good.

Kyon:
It wasn't me. Someone else must've done it.
Odds are Nagato. Next, Koizumi. Miss Asahina, doubt it.
Or, it could've been someone who hasn't shown up yet. There's a scary thought.

(Haruhi:
Mikuru, you have to get up and fight! Hurry!)

Koizumi:
Good morning. How did it turn out? I hope you didn't stay up too late.

Mikuru:
Good morning, everyone.

Haruhi:
Good morning, guys. Guess what we have to show you.
Made with blood, sweat and tears, it's a full-blown spectacle!

Mikuru:
Wow, you finished it.

Koizumi:
That's wonderful. Really.

Haruhi:
Now it's time for us to watch it together!


Haruhi:
Oh, Mikuru, you were so awesome!
I bet you're gonna have a lot of fans from this. They're gonna eat you up!

Kyon:
The art festival had begun, and there was nothing more for me to do.
All the fears we had about reality changing have disappeared.
I knew that for a fact because Shamisen stopped talking.
Oh yeah, that reminds me, it'd been a while since I've seen all the guys who were dressed kind of strange.
I don't think they were in any of the plays the other classes were putting on.
Who the heck were they anyway?


Kyon:
The movie ended with a bit of narration by Haruhi.
I convinced her it would be cool if she gave a speech about how the story wasn't real that it was all supposed to be fun.
Those were the magic words that canceled out everything that happened.

Haruhi:
This story is a work of fiction.
All character names, organizations, incidents and any other names, phenomena and such, are fictional as well. It's all made up.
Even if it resembles someone, it's probably just a coincidence.
Oh, except for the commercials! Shop at Ohmori Electronics and Yamatsuchi Model Shop for great deals. Stop by and buy!
Huh? I gotta say it again?
This story is a work of fiction. All character names, organizations, incidents and any other names...
Hey Kyon! Why do I have to say all this stuff anyway?
I mean It's totally obvious.


Kyon:
It might not seem like anything ever gets under Haruhi's skin, but the truth is, there's one thing that bothers her, "the world's too normal."
Now you're probably wondering what a person like her would consider "not normal."
The answer is the supernatural.
For example, she'd say, "Why haven't I seen a ghost yet? What's up with that?"
It's something I'm sure is always on her mind.

I've got something really important to tell you.

Haruhi:
Okay.

Kyon:
A while ago, you said you wanted to hang out with aliens, time travelers and espers, are you still into those things?

Haruhi:
Yeah, I am. But why are you bringing that up?

Kyon:
Because I know for a fact that aliens, time travelers and espers are real, and they're even closer than you think.

Haruhi:
Hm? Really closer than I think?
Well, the only people I can think of who fit that description would be Yuki, Mikuru and Koizumi.
I mean, could there be anyone closer to me than those guys?

Kyon:
Uh.., actually, that's pretty much exactly what I was gonna tell you.

Haruhi:
What? Are you crazy or something?
Do you honestly think I believe something as convenient as that?

Kyon:
Well, normally, that would be true.

Haruhi:
Okay, then. Fine. Who's who?

Kyon:
You're gonna love this. Yuki Nagato is an alien. She's the Data Integration Entity, or something.
Anyway, she's like an agent for this entity thing.
Oh yeah, humanoid interface! That's what she said she was.

Haruhi:
Really. How about Mikuru?

Kyon:
Miss Asahina is a little easier to explain. Here goes. She's a time traveler.
She's from the future and travels through time, a time traveler.

Haruhi:
What time is she from?

Kyon:
I don't know. She wouldn't tell me. Says it's classified.

Haruhi:
Aha, I think I got it.

Kyon:
So you believe me, then?

Haruhi:
Next, you're probably gonna tell me Koizumi's the esper in a group.
Am I right, or am I right?

Kyon:
Yeah! That's exactly what I was gonna say to you next!

Haruhi:
Mmhmm.

Kyon:
Mmhmm.

Haruhi:
Don't mess with me!

Kyon:
What a nut.
She picks the weirdest things to get all rational about.
Everything would be so much easier if for once she would just believe me.

Clark:
Th-Thanks, come again!

Kyon:
But it's probably for the best.
If Haruhi ever found out about all the strange phenomena happening around her, we'd all be in big trouble.
Oh, brother...