<Opening>

Walker:
The Dollars?

Erika:
That's the angel who flies through the sky, flashing her panties, singing "Pi-piru-piru-piru".

Asanuma:
And yo, don't use too much.
If she don't wake up, they're gonna take it out of our pay.

Kyohei:
They're kind of a mystery. We don't know a whole lot about them, either.
But since you're here, I'll tell you what we do know...

Masaomi:
They're sort of like a color gang, but no one knows what color they are.
What's the point, right?

Walker:
The new Dengeki Bunko series hit today.

Erika:
We each get 10 copies for other reasons.

Walker:
Yeah, other reasons.



Saburo:
Ha ha ha ha ha! Think that you can just slip away? Wrong!
And turning right!

Kyohei:
A real man uses his abs.

Walker:
This is the first time we've done something like this since we joined the Dollars, right, Kyohei?

Kyohei:
Hey, sit your ass back down.

Erika:
About the Dollars, they're not an angel that flies through the sky, shouting "Pi-piru-piru-piru", flashing her panties, right, Dotachin?

Kyohei:
I told you don't call me that!

Asanuma:
Huh, we lost 'em.

Morita:
They're insane!

Kyohei:
I think it's time that we had a little chat... about those human experiments you pricks are involved with.

The name's Kyohei Kadota. And if there is one thing I really hate, it's being called Dotachin.
Now let's back this up, to where it began 8 hours ago.



Kyohei:
The story you're about to hear is now known as the legendary Kazutawno incident.

Tanaka Taro:
The girl who went missing was a classmate of mine. Well, a friend of a friend, to be exact...
To be honest, I've never actually met her at all.

Setton:
What? You're saying you had a friend go missing?

Kanra:
It seems a lot of people have been disappearing lately. Rumors about these cases are everywhere right now.

Setton:
You do like rumors, Kanra.

Kanra:
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
All the rumors I've heard are about illegal foreigners, or maybe a runaway new to the big city.
Basically, they're people that nobody can trace when they disappear.

For some reason, most of these incidents have occurred between Ikebukuro and Shibuya.
And once they're gone, that's it. They're gone for good.

Taro Tanaka:
You serious?

Kanra:
Oh, but there's another rumor that's even scarier. Get this.
They say the reason they're never found is 'cause they're taken by the Dollars. When they're done with them, they eat them!

Taro Tanaka:
What?



Hasim:
Hmm?

Kanazawa:
Digging the rusty sign.

Asanuma:
This is it. This must be the place the intel broker mentioned.

Morita:
Has to be. Looks like a good place to find the illegals to me.

Kanazawa:
All right, let's get busy and start earning some of that cash!

Man:
Kazutawno! Kazutawno!

Kanazawa:
Shut up! You scared, huh? You scared now!? Even more scared!

Morita:
Nice! Teenage girls! 20 percent extra!

Asanuma:
No, stick with the usual. I don't wanna go getting greedy and have you-know-who show up.

Morita:
You mean, the Headless...

Asanuma:
I say we just bag this guy today.

Kanazawa:
Hm? What's up?

Morita:
You don't think he's a few fries short of a Happy Meal?

Asanuma:
Who cares? It's a human.

Kanazawa:
Fine, but he's clearly got some wear and tear. They won't pay a full price for him.
Yo.

Asanuma:
Well, hey there, meal ticket.

Kazutawno:
You see me? I Japanese! I look a just alike you, right?
But, people say I look a foreign! I'zo sad! Why you think that they pick on me?

Morita:
We're not getting richer off this one.

Kanazawa:
And, what the hell does "I'zo" mean?



Erika:
So, if you really think about it, without a little-brother helper-fairy character like Yuta, he's really just a masochistic wolf with a hair fetish.

Walker:
No, no, no. He's more like a cross-dressing boy than little-brother type.
I'd prefer a little-sister helper-fairy. Or older sister. Either way.

Saburo:
Can you guys not talk about that shit when we're eating?

Erika:
Dotachin, let's grab some food! Hungry, hungry!

Kyohei:
Hey.

Walker:
Wow, check it out!
You do this all yourself, Kyohei? It's so hossome!

Saburo:
This john's bigger than my apartment.

Kyohei:
Yeah, it's huge.
They said the concept is a high-class floor show and a laid-back environment.

Saburo:
Humph.

Erika:
All right, let's get going.
This day only comes once a month, we don't wanna miss it.

Kyohei:
Right.

Erika:
Who's that?

Kyohei:
It's Kazutawno. He says "I broke a plate".

Saburo:
So what? Get a new one.

Erika:
Time for the dollar store!

Kazutawno:
I'm Japanese! You make a mistake!

Erika:
Maybe he screwed up his kanji and really meant to say that he'd been kidnapped.

Saburo:
There's no way!

Asanuma:
Come on! Make him shut up already!

Kanazawa:
On it.



Simon:
It's good! It's fresh!

Mikado:
So then, you heard that rumor, too, huh, Anri?

Anri:
I did.

Masaomi:
Don't worry about it. That whole thing's a bunch of BS.

Mikado:
Yeah, exactly! Just because Mika has gone missing, it doesn't mean she was actually kidnapped.
I mean, I really doubt some gang grabbed her or killed her and then tried to...

Masaomi:
Ever heard of something called tact?

Mikado:
I screwed up.

Simon:
Here we are. Nigiri-sushi for three.
It's okay. It's fish sushi. Our sushi not made from human, even on half-price day! Go on, but...

Masaomi:
Now he is talking about this?
Simon! I think your banner outside fell down!

Simon:
My banner?

Mikado:
Yeah, I saw it, too! Let's go fix it! I'll help.

Simon:
What? Well, just so you know, it's true.
Corner sushi shop does use human meat on half-price day! Scary, scary!

Walker:
Saburo, wanna itasha out your ride? Come on, it'll be so cool!

Saburo:
Wanna die?

Kyohei:
Italian cars are too expensive. Buy local.

Erika:
One more mantis shrimp peeled please!

Walker:
Yellowtail and horse mackerel please!



Tom:
What a dick!

Shizuo:
Without a doubt.

Asanuma:
What kind of a freaking jackass spills a whole bottle on himself?

Morita:
It's no good. I can't... keep going...

Asanuma:
Stay awake till we drop off the goods.

Morita:
Ah, this blows... My eyelids won't stay open!

Asanuma:
Watch the road!

Kazutawno:
Uh, excuse me.

Asanuma:
What?

Kazutawno:
You're, well, he why you're sleepy.
Throw him away like trash and you'll get better.

Asanuma:
Huh?



Erika:
Kazutawno, we brought you some sushi!

Saburo:
Yo! And we brought you a plate from the Russia Sushi place.

Walker:
Wh-What the hell?

So, I'm guessing "I broke a plate" isn't what he really meant to tell us.

Kyohei:
No...

Walker:
He meant a bowl!

Kyohei:
Argh!

Erika:
Dotachin. Simple kanji converter.

Kyohei:
What has he done now?

Saburo:
He had to have been taken by the lowlifes who traffic humans. He's gone for good now.
How the hell am I gonna get by without Kazutawno around?
He's the only thing in my life that was ever any good!

Kyohei:
We all like Kazutawno, but for Saburo, the idea of losing him was especially hard.
No one can fill his shoes. It kinda bums me out that not even Erika, Walker, or myself can be there for Saburo like that.

If he was kidnapped right when that email came, then it wasn't that long ago.
We're gonna find him before they drop him off, I promise you. And we'll bring him back.

Saburo:
And how are we gonna do that?

Hasim:
I know!
I hid, but I saw the car they drive.

Erika:
Hasim!

Walker:
You're it!
You're the perfect little-brother type helper-fairy character!



Shinra:
Yeah, I got it.
If and when she finds these guys, make sure she gets the foreigner and keeps him out of harm's way.

Kyohei:
Exactly. We have no idea when they're supposed to hook up with their buyer and drop him off.
So we're trying to get him as soon as possible.

Shinra:
Okay. It's a black van, right? Do you have the license plate number?

Kyohei:
Yeah, you ready?

Shinra:
No, uh, gimme a sec.
Okay.

Kyohei:
Thanks for everything, Hasim.

Hasim:
Sure.

Erika:
Do you like sushi?

Hasim:
Yeah!

Kyohei:
See ya.

Hasim:
There wasabi?

Erika:
Yah, sure!

Saburo:
Don't worry, kid. Russian wasabi isn't spicy.

Walker:
Don't lie to the little guy like that.

Kyohei:
Let's go.

Saburo:
Yeah!

Shinra:
Black van, okay? Here's the plate number for ya. Be careful!

These guys are just hired guns for some evil corporation. They're basically henchmen.
They kidnap individuals who won't be tracked like foreigners and then hand them over for cash.
The people they take are probably being used as subjects for all kinds of ugly things.

Celty:
It's no different than cannibalism.

Namie:
Our guys on the street haven't turn much in this month.

Yoshida:
Well, it seems our subjects have become a little bit cautious-

Namie:
I don't want excuses.
If our guys can't produce more, they're fired.

Yoshida:
But chief...

Namie:
Or perhaps, you would like to become a subject? Go now.

Seiji...

Celty:
You idiot!

Shinra:
Sparkling naked! Totally surprised! Let's dance together into...

Kyohei:
We looked everywhere we could think of for that black van and Kazutawno.
We thought for sure we would find him and save him.
We pulled out every trick we had, but after all that, we still came up with nothing.
A sense of dread started to creep in. I began to wonder if I'd ever hear his classic lines again.
I've heard his timeless phrases so often. It always takes me back to being a kid.
I figured when I grew up, those words would become a thing of the past.



Kazutawno:
We are got the tickets! You need a tickets!

Kyohei:
That's right. Kazutawno was the last of a dying breed.
As a matter of fact, it was this guy here who gives Saburo the biggest thrill of his entire life...
Tickets to see Ruri Hijiribe. Saburo has a mad love for this goddess. He's by far her biggest fan.
Kazutawno set him up with front row tickets to a show no one was able to get tickets to.

We've gotta find him, if for no other reason than our respect for Saburo.

Erika:
Dotachin, what are you talking about?

Walker:
And just who to?

Kyohei:
Well, uh...

Erika:
You know, I was thinking, why don't we try to call his cell phone? You never know he might still have it on him.

Walker:
Yeah, and if we can reach him, maybe we can negotiate with the kidnappers.

Izaya:
Sushi love! Especially fatty tuna.

Kyohei:
What the hell? Who's this?

Izaya:
Oh, it's you, Dotachin!
I was just walking and came across this guy sleeping, so when his phone rang, I answered.
Hm? Where am I? I'm out in front of Taishoken in south Ikebukuro.
Why? Because Russia Sushi's got a special today.

Shizuo:
Izaya! Stay out of Ikebukuro!

Izaya:
Well, it seems Shizu-chan has found me. See ya!

Shizuo:
Izaya!

Saburo:
Wake up! Wake up, damn it!
Come on! What the hell is wrong with you? Wake up already!

Kyohei:
Hey, back in the bag with those. You'll put him to sleep for good.

Erika:
But the longer we wait to find Kazutawno, then...

Walker:
She's right! The longer we wait means the closer they get to killing him!

So, what's the plan?

Kyohei:
I'm gonna have his buddies tell us exactly where that drop off place is.

Morita:
They should be here any minute now.

Asanuma:
The higher-ups will be coming, so look sharp.

Morita:
Alright.

Kazutawno:
Look it! Me a Japanesa! Why can't you see that you are making a mistake (xxx)?

Morita:
Ah, let it go.

Asanuma:
So on your birth certificate, you're saying it says Japanese on there, huh?

Kazutawno:
The rub is there, you see? It's a burnout during fiery air raids.

Asanuma:
Oh, come on! You're not that old!
Yeah?

Kyohei:
Hey, man. It's me.

Asanuma:
Oh, Kanazawa. You finally wake up?

Kyohei:
Yeah, sorry. I'm on my way now.
But, uh, I forgot where we're supposed to meet.

Asanuma:
Man, you got crap for brains.

Kanazawa:
Hey, who are you guys?

Everyone:
We're... the Dollars!

Kanazawa:
Dollar...

Saburo:
That's right! And don't you forget it!

Kanazawa:
I'm so sleepy...

Kyohei:
Let's go!
The reason all of us joined the Dollars is pretty simple.
Saburo, Walker, and Erika just took to me. And before I knew it, we were hanging out all the time.
I have no idea what they see in a guy like me. Together, we were a pretty ragtag group.
And then, one day, I got an email on my cell.
It said "Do you wanna join the Dollars? There're no rules or restrictions. Just say you're in, and you're part of the Dollars."
It was an odd invite. But everyone said the Dollars were weird, at the very least, different.
I kinda thought the email was a joke, but I agreed to join, anyway. And the next day, they sent me a URL and a password.
When I logged in, my username was displayed right there, on the Dollars website.
No one, including me, has ever seen or met the leader. We don't even know who it is.
There're several smaller cells within the larger group, each being part of a vertical hierarchy. But no one has any idea who's on top.
And, since there's no one at the top shouting down orders, I don't feel like I'm working for anyone.
But, I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't at all curious as to who's behind this organization.
Just between you and me, I've got my suspicions on who that guy may be.
I bet you anything it's that asshole who started calling me Dotachin.

Izaya:
Hmm, fatty tuna is the best. Hm?
Getting colder. You won't find what you're looking for there.

Shinra:
Ahhh! Oh, crap, Celty... I'm sorry...



Morita:
So then, how much you think they'll give us for him?

Asanuma:
Hell, I guess we're not getting too much.

Morita:
Yeah, you're probably right.

Think that's the boss?

Asanuma:
Gotta be.

What the hell?

Kyohei:
Kazutawno!

Saburo:
Kazutawno! We're coming! Hang tight!

Asanuma:
Prepare to meet your doom!

Morita:
You're dead!

Erika:
Wow, classic line!

Walker:
Who says "meet your doom"?

Morita:
Th-The Headless Rider!

Asanuma:
But we played it safe and took an old guy!
Listen! We won't do it anymore, I swear! Please!

Kyohei:
What the hell?
Kazutawno!

Kazutawno:
Dotachino!

Erika:
Hey! Stop 'em!

Saburo:
Ha ha ha ha ha! Think that you can just slip away? Wrong!
And turning right!

Celty:
Should I just go home?

Saburo:
Yo, time for you to cough up where it is you're dropping off your goods.

Walker:
Ah, come on. It's no fun at all if we don't get to torture them a little first.
Here, you can pick any of these books you want.

Erika:
And then, we'll torture you exactly like they do in the book.

Saburo:
Whatever, you guys can have your fun, but no gasoline in the car this time, okay?

Asanuma:
Gaso what?

Kazutawno:
Saburowno! A time for the morning ritual!

Asanuma:
Okay, fine! I'll talk!
I'll tell you everything, just let me outta here!

Kyohei:
Yagiri Pharma, huh?

Saburo:
That's a big-ass corporation.

Walker:
You guys really think that's true?
You really think they experiment on humans in there?

Kyohei:
Sitting there, looking at the front of the building, it did seem pretty hard to believe.
But that said, most things generally do have two sides to it.
Especially in Ikebukuro, there's stuff hidden around here that would blow your mind.

Come on, what do you say we go get something to eat?

Saburo:
Aye, man!

Kazutawno:
We go for breakfast at Russia Sushi!

Erika:
Yeah, perfect! Let's go!

Saburo:
Then it's decided!

Namie:
Of course to you, you can take all the money you want.
It's no problem.

Seiji:
Thanks a lot, Sis.

Namie:
Bye, Seiji.

Seiji:
Let's go.

Kyohei:
And that's the legendary Kazutawno incident.
For us, we're just glad we got our friend back safe and sound.
It's as simple as that.



<Preview>

Shizuo:
Noisy, annoying, and pissing me off.
When my anger boils over, my body starts to act on its own.
There's no regard for my own well-being.
Next time: Bad-ass Dude.
But I absolutely hate violence!