In the Year 2016

This is the completion,
the restoration of what
Man's mind has lost.

Instrumentality
continues.

However, there is not
enough time to show
the entire process.

Therefore, for now, we will
examine one mind, that of
the boy, Shinji Ikari.

Instrumentality

CASE 3

Shinji Ikari

FEAR

Asuka: I fear that I will disappear.

Shinji: I can disappear, because I am unworthy of existing.

Rei: Why do you think this?

Asuka: Because I am worthless.

Shinji: I am unwanted. A useless child. You don't care about me
anyway, do you?

Misato: Using that as an excuse is no different than running away.
What you truly fear is failure, isn't it? You fear that you
may be hated by others. You fear acknowledging that weakness
even to yourself.

Shinji: How can you criticise me, when you do the same thing!

Misato: You're right. At the core we are all the same.

Ritsuko: Our minds lack something basic.

Asuka: And we fear that lack.

Rei: We fear it.

Misato: And that is why we are attempting to become one.

Asuka: We will melt with and fill each other.

Rei: This is the instrumentality.

Fuyutsuki: Mankind cannot live without being surrounded by others.

Ikari: Mankind cannot live alone.

Ritsuko: Although you yourself are always unique.

Kaji: That is why life is hard.

Asuka: That is why life is sad and empty.

Misato: Thus, you want the close physical and mental presence of
others.

Rei: That is why we wish to become one.

Fuyutsuki: The human soul is made of weak and fragile elements.

Ritsuko: The body and mind are made of brittle components as well.

Ikari: And so via the instrumentality mankind must fill and
complement each other.

Why?

Ikari: Must you ask? Because there is no other way to exist.

Really?



Rei: Why do you exist?

I don't know.

Asuka: Maybe I exist to find out why I exist.

Rei: For whom do you exist?

Asuka: For myself, of course.

Shinji: Maybe for myself.

Is that true?

Rei: Are you happy being alive?

Shinji: I don't know.

Rei: Are you happy being alive?

Asuka: Of course I'm happy.

Rei: Are you happy being alive?

Misato: I don't want to do anything except be happy.

Kaji: Do you hate being sad?

Shinji: I don't like it.

Kaji: Do you hate enduring pain?

Misato: I don't like it.

Kaji: It that why you run away.

Misato: Yes. Do you blame me? What's wrong with running away from
something that hurts?

Shinji: I mustn't run away.

Rei: Tell me why you mustn't run away?

Shinji: Because, escaping from reality can be painful.

Rei: Even though you're running from something more painful.

Shinji: I couldn't bear it.

Asuka: As long as you know what the pain is, it can be endured.

Misato: That's correct. If the pain is too harsh you can escape it.

Rei: If you really hate it Shinji, you can still run.

Shinji: No, I won't. I'm tired of escaping. Yes, I mustn't run away.

Misato: That is true. That it because you are now aware that running
only brings you more pain.

Asuka: This is because running away can be far worse.

Rei: That's why you do not wish to escape.

Shinji: Because if you run away nobody will respect you. Don't leave
me alone. Don't desert me, I'm begging you.

Ritsuko: There he goes again, depending upon others to do everything
for him. That's a sad survival mechanism, isn't it?

Shinji: So what! It's better than being left all alone.

Asuka: Because you fear being hurt.

Misato: You try to make yourself believe that, don't you?

Kensuke: You're not the only one who gets hurt Shinji.

Toji: Everybody feels pain, you aren't the only one.

Hikari: It's just easier for you to think that it's true, isn't it?

Shinji: Shut up! I don't care! Why should I? Nobody cares about me!

Misato: Once again you've abandoned all sense of self value, of self
worth.

Rei: I have nothing.

Asuka: There you go again, saying that you have no worth at all.

Misato: Do you believe that by not expecting anything you won't get
hurt either?

Asuka: Is that how you sustain your pathetic ego, by asking others to
praise you?

Shinji: Nobody accepts me.

Misato: That's not true. You just believe that is so.

Shinji: And so, that's why I must pilot the Eva.

Misato: Again that is merely your point of view. You've been trying to
convince yourself that you worthless since the very beginning.

Shinji: But I have to! I've got to do it!

Kensuke: No, that's not true. You don't have to.

Toji: No, you just think you do.

Shinji: No you're wrong. My life is pointless otherwise.

Asuka: And that's why you pilot the Eva?

Shinji: Piloting Eva gives me an identity, a purpose.

Asuka: Piloting Eva gives me an identity, a purpose.

Shinji: I had no value before I became a pilot. The fact that I now
pilot an Eva justifies my presence here.



Asuka: I have no other value.

Rei: I have no other value.

Shinji: I have no other value. No other value at all.

Value?

Shinji: I perceive no value in myself.

Thus...

Shinji: I hate myself.

Asuka: You little worm. I hate you! I hate you!

Toji: Me too! I hate you too!

Kensuke: I hate everything about you.

Hikari: I'm sorry but, I hate you.

Ritsuko: I hate you!

Hyuga: I hate you.

Aoba: I hate you.

Maya: I hate everything about you.

Kaji: I hate you.

Misato: Oh Shinji, I hate you.

Shinji: See, everyone hates me! Every person in existence must hate
me!

Rei: No, that's just what you imagine.

Shinji: Yes! But that must be it, because I hate myself!

Rei: Because you hate yourself no one respects you.

HATE!

Asuka: I hate you! I hate you! I hate everything!

Shinji: But, they praise me. They're nice to me. When I pilot the Eva
they treat me better.

So, you were happy?

Shinji: Other people are being nice to me for the first time?

But were you happy?

Rei: Which is your true feeling?

Shinji: I don't know, or is it, perhaps that both are my true
feelings.

Misato: So that's why you pilot the Eva?

Shinji: Because I have no choice, I only have the Eva.

Rei: Otherwise you cannot retain your own identity?

Misato: In fact Eva Unit One is part of your sense of being.

Ritsuko: But if you depend only on the Eva, then the Eva will become
your only identifier.

Kaji: Eva will become your only value.

Misato: Without that value, you, the real you, will be erased from
this existence.

Shinji: I don't care! I had no other value to start with anyway. I was
learning to play the cello, but that didn't help me either.

Asuka: You just didn't discipline yourself, I didn't have to do that.

Shinji: But now that I can pilot the Eva.

Asuka: No. Soon you may lose your identity, as I have. Soon you may
lose Eva and your self worth.

Why do you pilot Eva?

Shinji: I pilot it because that's all I can do.



TITLE



Neon Genesis Evangelion
EPISODE :26

The Beast That Shouted "I" At The Heart Of The World



Shinji: Rain. Dark shadows of gloom hang above me. That's how I feel.
This isn't how I want it to be.

Rei: The setting sun, the ending of life. This is not, how I wish
it to be.

Asuka: Morning, the beginning of a day, another terrible day. I wish
this wasn't the way it is.

Shinji: Blue sky. Something warm, something, unfamiliar, something
that fills me with horror. I don't want this. I don't want it
to be this way.

Asuka: I hate everything!

Misato: What do you want, Shinji?

Do you fear anxiety?

Asuka: What do you want, Shinji?

Do you want
peace of mind?

Rei: What do you want, Shinji?

Don't hate me!

Child-Asuka: Don't hate me, please!

Shinji: What I fear is,

Rejection

Rei: What I want is,

Another's touch,
another's respect

Shinji: Can I stay next to you?

Rei: May I stay here?

Asuka: Do you like me?

Do you love...

...your Mother?

Child-Asuka: You wanta go where your mother is?

Asuka: No.

Child-Shinji: Don't you wanta go be with your father?

Shinji: No, I don't.

Child-Rei: Why?

Because,
I'm afraid.

Shinji: Because I'm afraid of being hated.

Asuka: Because my identity might start to disappear.

And So?

Misato: What is it that you wish for?

Dissolution of
Anxiety.

Rei: What is it that you want?

Erasure of
Loneliness

Yui: You're very insecure, aren't you?

Shinji: To become secure I have to have...value. I wanta be worth
something. I wanta be worth enough to attract the attention of
others.

You seek your own value.

Yui: But your value is something you have to find for yourself. You
have to find it, Shinji.

That's why I pilot Eva.

Shinji: I have no value without it.

Asuka: My life is worthless without it.

Rei: Then what are you?

Shinji: Then what am I? What am I?!

Shinji: Wait. What is this? This is me. This is the shape that lets
others recognise me as myself. It is my symbol for myself.
This is and this is and this is as well.

Shinji Ikari

Shinji: Representations, everything is merely a description not the
real myself. Everything is simply a shape, a form, an
identifier, to let others recognise me as me.

What am I?

Shinji: But then, what am I? Is this me? My true self? My fake self?
What is it that I am?

Rei: You are you. There is little difference between how you
interpret yourself and how the others interpret you.

Shinji: Right. My clothes, my shoes, my room. These are all parts of
what makes up myself.

Rei: These things are connected through your consciousness.

Shinji: So what I think is me, is me. What I recognise as self, is
myself. I'm no more and no less than the sum of my self
awareness. But I don't understand myself. Where am I? What am
I? What am I?

You wished for a wall,
a barrier to seal off
your world.

Shinji: Nobody understands me.

Asuka: What are you stupid?! Of course nobody understands you! Nobody
can ever understand you!

Misato: The only one who can take care of you and understand you is,
you, yourself.

Rei: So you must take care of yourself.

Shinji: But I still don't understand myself, I don't even know what it
is that makes me myself. How can I love myself?

You are afraid.

Rei: You are still unstable.

Misato: That is, the present you,

Asuka: And the people around the present you,

Rei: And the environment that surrounds the present you.

Misato: None of these elements of reality last forever.

Asuka: Time continues to flow and time brings change.

Rei: Your earth is in a state of constant change. You're capable of
change anytime your mind perceives these changes.



Shinji: What is this? A world of nothing. A world with nobody in it.

Shinji': This is the world of perfect freedom.

Shinji: Freedom?

Shinji': Perfect freedom. A world in which you have no restriction.

Shinji: Is this really freedom?

Shinji': Yes. This is what it is.

Rei: However, this world has nothing in it.

Shinji: Unless I do something.

Misato: Right. Unless you do or think of something.

Shinji: But, I don't know what to do or think of.

Rei: He is uncertain.

Asuka: He has no self image to orientate himself.

Shinji': There's nothing solid here.

Misato: It is a world in which there are no obstacles, no anything.

This is true freedom?

Kaji: This is a world in which you can do anything you wish.

Misato: And yet, you are still afraid, aren't you?

Fuyutsuki: Don't you know what it is that you want to do?

Shinji: What should I do?

Ikari: Let me give you a restriction.

Asuka: There, now you have a top and bottom.

Rei: But you have lost a degree of your freedom.

Misato: You may no longer fly, you must stand upon the earth.

Kaji: But now you feel easier, don't you?

Hyuga: Because you have less to trouble your mind.

Aoba: And now, you can walk.

Maya: This is happening because you will it to be.

Shinji: Is this my will?

Ritsuko: This world with the floor is the only thing around yourself.

Toji: But now, you can move around anywhere you wish to within it.

Kensuke: You could even turn the world upside down if you wanted to do
that.

Hikari: And your perspective within your world is constantly changing.

Kaji: It changes with the passage of time.

Fuyutsuki: You can change yourself as well.

Ikari: Because the thing that forms your shape is your mind and it's
interaction with the world that surrounds you.

Ritsuko: You can do anything here, because this is your world.

Misato: This is the shape of your reality.

What is reality?

Shinji: What is this? An empty space? An empty world? A world where
nothing exists but myself? But with only myself, I have
nothing to interact with. It's as if I'm here, but not here at
all. It's as if I'm slowly fading out of existence.

Why?

Yui: Because only you are here.

Shinji: Only myself?

Yui: Without others to interact with, you cannot truly recognise
your own image.

Shinji: My own image?

The image of myself?

Misato: That's right. In the act of observing others, you may find and
recognise yourself.

Asuka: You self image is restrained by having to observe the barriers
between yourself and others.

Rei: And yet, you cannot see yourself without the presence of
others.

Shinji: Because there are others, I can perceive myself as an
individual. If I am alone, then I will be the same without
others. For if this world is only of me then there will be no
different between me and nothing.

Misato: By recognising the differences between yourself and others,
you've established your identity as yourself.

Rei: The very first other person is your mother.

Asuka: Your mother is a different individual.

Shinji: Right. I am me and she is she. But are you really sure that
the perceptions of others form my true self.

Misato: It's true, Shinji Ikari.

Asuka: Has it taken you this long to realise that? What an idiot!



Asuka: It's about time you got up, you idiot.

Shinji: Oh, it's you, Asuka?

Asuka: What the hell does that mean?! Can't you appreciate that I
went to the trouble of coming to wake you up personally?! I
don't here any words of appreciation for your oldest childhood
friend.

Shinji: Ah, thanks, let me sleep a little more...

Asuka: Hey, get up you! It's time to get up you dork! Agggr! You
stupid pervert, I didn't mean to get that up!

Shinji: I can't help it, it's morning. I gotta, I gotta take a whizz or
something.

Asuka: Ahh! Don't point it at me!...

Yui: Oh my, Asuka's so sweet to come pick him up every morning and
he doesn't appreciate it.

Ikari: Hmm. Is that so, dear?

Yui: Yes dear. And you have to get ready too.

Ikari: I'm always ready, dear.

Yui: Gosh, you are just like Shinji.

Ikari: Are you ready?

Yui: Anytime. I am the one who gets complains from Prof. Fuyutsuki
if your late for the meeting.

Ikari: That's true, he's your biggest fan.

Yui: Oh, you! Cut that out and get ready.

Ikari: Yes dear.

Ikari (thinking): She must be obeyed.

Asuka: Hurry up!

Shinji: Gees, you're such a pain in the ass sometimes. Is this what
happens when you start your period?

Asuka: What?! What did you say?! (slap).

Shinji: Ow!

Asuka: Mrs. Ikari, we're leaving now.

Shinji: See you later, mum.

Yui: See you, sweety! Come on dear, put the newspaper down.

Ikari: Ahem! Alright.



Shinji: Hey, isn't a new student starting today?

Asuka: Yeah, that's right. Since this city's going to become the new
capital, there are a lot of people moving in. It's no wonder
we're getting so many new kids.

Shinji: Oh, that makes sense. I wonder what she's like? Oh I hope
she's got a great butt!

Asuka: Hmmh!

Rei: Oh crap! I'm late! I can't be late for the first day!

Shinji: Oh ooo...!

Rei: Oh ooo...! Oh, I'm sorry, I'm really in a hurry kid.

Shinji: Hmm.

Rei: I'm really sorry, bye, see-ya!...

Shinji: Oh...

Asuka: Hmmh!



Toji: Wow! So did you see her panties, then?!

Shinji: Well it wasn't a good look really, just a little flash.

Toji: Ohh! I can't believe it that your the one who has all the
luck! Aggh! What'd you do that for?

Hikari: Exactly what were you just talking about, Mr. Suzuhara! It's
time to put that idle butt of yours to work, change the water
in the flower vases!

Toji: Oh, she's mean...

Hikari: Did you just say something?

Shinji: Poor Toji's so carpet bagged. It's sad isn't it?

Asuka: Look who's talking.

Shinji: Hey, are you saying that I'm?!

Asuka: I'm merely reporting [a fact/the facts].

Shinji: How so?!

Asuka: It just is, accept it!

Shinji: Hey, why do you treat me like this?!

Asuka: Hey, that hurts you idiot!

Kensuke: The calm, the peace and tranquility.

Toji: Oh yeah! It's Miss. Misato, our teacher!

Three Stooges: Wow!

Toji: Oh she's gorgeous.

Three Stooges: Oh yeah! Look at that! Yeah!...

Asuka & Hikari: Just look at those Three Stooges, have they no shame.

Hikari: Alright, stand up. Bow. Sit down.

Misato: Listen up, dudes! We've got a new blue haired babe here to
introduce herself.

Rei: My names Rei Ayanami. How's it hanging!

Shinji: Ahhw!

Rei: Ahh! You're the jerk who was staring at my panties!

Asuka: Hey! What'er you mean by that?! You're the one who was
flashing them, you know!

Rei: Who are you? And why are you defending him? Are you riding his
baloney pony?!

Asuka: No, we're just really good childhood friends, you shut up!

Hikari: Be quiet you two! We're in a class, not a bar!

Misato: Hey, this is more entertaining than class. Go on I wanta see
how this turns out.

Students: Laugh.

Kensuke: Hey Shinji. You didn't tell me you were getting it with
Asuka.



Shinji: I see. So this is another possibility. Another possible
reality. This current myself is the same way, it's not the
true myself, I can be anyway I wish to be. I see. And myself
who is not an Eva pilot can exist as well.

Misato: If you take that into consideration, then perhaps this world
isn't that bad.

Shinji: Still, the reality itself might not be bad, but I could still
hate myself.

Hyuga: But it's your mind which takes reality and separates it, into
what's bad and hateful.

Aoba: It is only the mind which separates reality from truth.

Maya: Any new position from which you view your
reality, will change your perception of its nature. I's all
literally a matter of perspective.

Kaji: There are as many truths as there are people.

Kensuke: But there's only one truth, that is your truth. That's the
one that's formed from whatever point of view that you choose
to view it from. It's a revised perception, that protects you.

Toji: That's true. And one can have a perspective that's far too
small.

Hikari: However, a person can only see things from the perspective
that they choose to see them from.

Asuka: One must learn to judge things via the perceived truths that
one receives from others.

Misato: For example. Sunny days make you feel good.

Rei: Rainy days make you feel gloomy.

Asuka: If you are told this is so, then that is what you believe is
so.

Ritsuko: But you can have fun on a rainy day as well.

Fuyutsuki: Your truth can be changed simply by the way you accept it.
That's how fragile the truth for a human is.

Kaji: A person's truth is so simple, that most ignore it to
concentrate on what I think are deeper truths.

Ikari: You for example, are simply unused to what it is to be liked
by others.

Misato: You've never learned how to deal with fearing what others feel
about you and so you avoid it.

Shinji: But, don't the others hate me?

Asuka: What are you stupid?! Haven't you realised it's all in your
imagination, you megadork!

Shinji: But, I hate myself.

Rei: One who truly hates himself, cannot love, he cannot place his
trust in another.

Shinji: I'm a coward, I'm cowardly, sneaky and weak...

Misato: No, only if you think you are. But if you know yourself, you
can take care of yourself.

Shinji: I hate myself. But, but maybe, maybe I could love myself.
Maybe my life could have a greater value. That's right. I am
no more or less than myself. I am me. I want to be myself. I
want to continue existing in this world. My life is worth
living here!

All: Yeah! (applause)

Misato: Congratulations!

Asuka: Congratulations!

Rei: Congratulations!

Ritsuko: Congratulations!

Kaji: Congratulations!

Hikari: Congratulations!

Kensuke: Congratulations!

Toji: Congratulations!

Pen-Pen: Congratulations! (in penguin)

Hyuga: Congratulations!

Aoba: Congratulations!

Maya: Congratulations!

Fuyutsuki: Congratulations!

Ikari & Yui: Congratulations!

Shinji: Thank you, all.

Thank you to my father

Good bye to my mother.

And to all of the children...

Congratulations!