Averi Land✝🐾 - No.

Averi Land✝🐾
Main-sneeding / 🗣main4-keeprunningoutofpinspace / No.
Incel Furvert Chud 12/26/2025 17:23
17:23
No.
Eurocyon 12/26/2025 17:23
ok
17:26
So context to this story, when I was younger I had an idea for a video game, with a complex religion system that was set in the new world. You were a conquistador and you were to race against another conquistador to find the city of gold. I had designed several character for that game and one cancelled DnD campaign later I was left with another character I had just sitting in my vault "Don Arturo". For this I have decieded to use these ideas sitting in my fault to create a book and here is the story (edited)
17:27
@Extra-sensory PURRception @ungen @hypercoasterfan
hypercoasterfan 12/27/2025 00:29
wah
Eurocyon 12/27/2025 00:58
https://docs.google.com/document/d/11Aj6smbeBTQKDI9Zg0j-3kviJoLVlNmpHQzsBnvV7ns/edit?usp=sharing
00:58
fuck it I am just gonna link the document @Extra-sensory PURRception @hypercoasterfan @ungen @Incel Furvert Chud
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Eurocyon 01/06/2026 03:25
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@Extra-sensory PURRception @hypercoasterfan
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Extra-sensory PURRception 01/06/2026 16:01
I'll do so now
Eurocyon
Click to see attachment 🖼️
Extra-sensory PURRception 01/06/2026 16:34
There are a few sentences where the narrator switches to present tense which is inconsistent with the rest. I don't see any other problems except for those that you've already excused as stylistic choices (edited)
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Extra-sensory PURRception 01/06/2026 16:38
In the screenshot that I replied to it's "The impending daylight approaches, and with it the beginning of my own journey drew every night." and I think there is at least one more before the dialogues start (edited)
Eurocyon
Click to see attachment 🖼️
Extra-sensory PURRception 01/06/2026 16:41
I also think that the start of the second section here needs improvement
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Extra-sensory PURRception 01/06/2026 16:46
The first sentence seems incomplete. I'm unsure how to describe it (edited)
16:46
Maybe it's just how it starts
Arcane BOT 01/06/2026 16:50
@Eurocyon has reached level 24. GG!
Extra-sensory PURRception 01/06/2026 16:51
You should be able to fix it by just reformulating it in some way
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