## Let it snow

Post by averagegeek » Tue Feb 17, 2015 2:07 am

Let it Snow
Hello, My name is Toby, this is my first story here, so please leave me any feedback, positive or negative, I’d really like to expand my writing, so anything is welcome. I hope you enjoy.
As I said, my name is Toby, and this story happened back in Colorado, just a tad bit east of the Rocky Mountains. It was a small town, where one knew most of their neighbors which we will call, for the sake of privacy, Greenwood. This was the town where I grew up with my parents, Mr. and Mrs. Frey. It was a very pleasant place with a wonderful atmosphere. A place I enjoyed immensely.
In this particular adventure of mine it was winter, and by winter I mean November, as winters were often long here. It was the first weekend of the school year that there was snow on the ground, probably about 6 inches or so, enough to have fun, without being too cumbersome. At the time I was at the age of 7 or so, and was personally quite excited for the weekend where I would inevitably be playing in said snow with my friends, who lived in the same neighborhood, as most kids who went to my school did. The weekend for me began that Friday at school when the snow began falling.
Now, some background on me I suppose is in order, as otherwise much of this story will make no sense. I have always been, and still am, tall and somewhat thin, with brown hair and blue eyes, giving me a rather average appearance. In school I was not the most popular of children, I had my handful of friends who I was close with, but most others were rather neutral towards me, except one boy about my age. His name was Ian, and we never got along much, in fact we at one point became sworn enemies, but that is in fact another story.
Back to the story at hand, my friends got off at the same stop as I did on Friday, all of excited for the sledding , snowman building, snowball fighting, snow angel making, and inevitable drinking of my mother’s undeniably immaculate hot cocoa. We made it into my house to get toboggans and the like when a note slipped out of my school backpack. Written in letters from magazines (I can only assume the writer had been watching too many movies lately) was a note from Ian. We gathered around to read it, stumbling over the mismatched letters which in basic terms told me that as of 4:35 pm he had declared war on me, and to make sure I didn’t get cold feet (Ha! Cold Puns!), he had Natalie. Now, to clarify, Natalie Mint was the girl whom I had a crush on for the longest time. In fact, pretty much everyone except her knew I liked her, it was kind of sad sometimes. But that was enough to inspire my imagination to make me play hero for a while.
So my two stoic friends and I armed ourselves. I suppose I should go into details about them: the first was Joe, a short redhead kid who was quite a bit stronger than I, and loyal to a fault. The second was Arty, who was about my height, and was considered the brains of our little outfit. Anywho, we armed up with our dart guns and foam swords, extra darts, and a bag of basic survival items: duct tape, marshmallows, extra darts, and a box of bandaids.
Now, I know what many of you are thinking; I’m here for a Tie Up Game, not fake army! And to you I say wait, because it is coming very soon.
We set out at 4:30, heading to the neighborhood pond, a common play area and battleground for us kids. It offered a nice little patch of woods along with a creek where we would always make forts. This was most likely where Ian and his goons were hiding out waiting for us. So we made our way there, using Arty’s binoculars to scout out the place. We found them in a clearing on the woods, along the creek bed which had long since dried up. Ian was standing about with about six or seven older boys, since he was closer to their size. Now that I knew where he was, I focused on finding Natalie. I found her against a tree. She was dressed for the weather, a white jacket with pink stripes, along with a pair of black pants and boots. Upon further inspection, I realized her arms were behind her back and she was held to the tree with a jump-rope around her waist. Her ankles too were bound with another jump rope. If I wasn’t already in the mood to play hero, I was now. The stage was set, the villain had the damsel, It was time. We moved closer quietly, since Arty convinced us that charging in blindly would just get us caught, so he suggested we try something a bit cleverer. He suggested that two people distract them while the other saves her.
It was elected that I should save her, and so Joe and Arty went off to make a distraction. As I snuck closer, using the trees as cover I could hear Ian taunting her.
“Please let me go, I’m getting cold.” She pleaded with him, sounding quite sad.
“Why don’t you call your boyfriend to let you loose?” he had sneered, at that age, saying that someone was boyfriend or girlfriend was mortifying.
She blushed and looked away, too embarrassed to say anything. I watched as he tickled her a bit, causing her to jerk and strain against her bonds. Her face was crimson with embarrassment “Please..” she begged pitifully, looking up hopefully.
Ian was only egged on “you gonna cry? Cry for a hero you baby!” looking back, these insults were childish and pointless, but at the time, we were children.
But what Natalie did next surprised him. “TOBY!” she yelled, at the top of her lungs. I was filled with pride that of all people she had called for me. Yeah, I felt awesome.
Ian was less impressed by her cry for help, and chose to silence her with her own pink scarf, cleave gagging her with the cotton material, reducing her cries for help to pathetic mumbles. Then, to add insult to injury he added “you’re still a dumb baby!”
Before I had a chance to charge in there valiantly, the distraction began. Arty and Joe began to dance into the clearing making chicken noises at the older boys. It was the perfect action to draw the attention of our enemies. The older boys pursued my friends instantly, and they bolted off into the trees to escape. I immediately took advantage and ran to her, getting to work untying the knots on the rope tying her to the tree, which was challenging thanks to the handles. As I did this I spoke to her, saying things I heard all the heroes say in the movies, things like “I’m here now” and “its going to be alright” or “I’ve got you.” Anywho I got the knots undone, only to find her hands and ankles were bound separately I got to work immediately and managed to get them undone, and then removed her make shift, placing it back around her neck where it belonged, and for this I earned the embrace of a damsel and the words “I knew you’d come!” however my victory was short lived, as Ian and the older boys returned they were not happy about my little rescue, so with her hand in mine, we fled, meeting up with my friends at a crudely planned rendezvous point.
Natalie went home after this, and we walked here there, before returning to my house for some of my mothers famous hot cocoa and to relive the moments of our decisive victory. The rest of the weekend we spent in our little battle, though it was the only time that weekend that I got to rescue Natalie, it was not the first time, nor would it be the last.
Thank you all for reading, I hope you enjoyed it and leave me your thoughts. Hopefully the next story will be up soon.

### Re: Let it snow

Post by xtc » Tue Feb 17, 2015 4:23 am

Hi,
Welcome to the league of TUGs writes. You have a fine, light style for this type of story and I hope you'll share more with us.
May I suggest, as so many of us do, that you leave line between paragraphs. The board seems to remove the paragraph formatting that writers often choose to use to make their lives easier so it is necessary to physically insert an empty line (<enter> twice).
There are minor blips (but so there are when all of us write) but I counsel you to beware of unfortunate juxtapositions: So we made our way there, using Arty’s binoculars to scout out the place. We found them in a clearing on the woods, I don't think you meant that you found the binoculars in the woods!
Write on. You already have an entertaining approach to your writing and, as our friend Drawscore says so often, writers improve with practice.
Wassail!
Xtc
Boxer shorts are cool,
but little speedos rule!
More by the same author: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=22729

### Re: Let it snow

Post by viking » Wed Feb 18, 2015 12:27 pm

well written story, but i have to agree with xtc about leaving lines between paragraphs. it will make it a lot easier to read and less confusing.
however i am not going to say anything about any other spelling mistakes.
English isn't even my mother language so obviously i have a lot of them myself (i actually discovered just recently the difference of a blond and a blonde).
but beside of that i thought it was well written and it was great to see a good old innocent childhood story, they have started to become a little rare around here lately so i'm looking forward to see the next one.
Once a scout, always a perverted pyromaniac with a fetish for knives and duct tape

### Re: Let it snow

Post by FelixSH » Wed Feb 18, 2015 12:54 pm

Welcome here, and thanks for the story.
I guess you had fun writing this down, it shows in your writing. I laughed a few times while reading, and I appreciate the small sense of nostalgia that I felt (though that might be just me reading things into your writing). Anyway, I am looking forward to more of your childhood adventures.

### Re: Let it snow

Post by LordNelson » Fri Feb 20, 2015 3:07 am

When I was young I too dreamed of rescuing the damsel. Then I realized that the villain has more fun and I traded my white hat for a black one. Looking forward to hearing more about Natalie (and you too of course)

### Re: Let it snow

Post by drawscore » Fri Feb 20, 2015 5:44 pm

This is old, and I've posted it before, but just for grins and giggles, here are the RULES FOR WRITERS:
1. Don't use no double negatives.
2. Make each pronoun agree with their antecedent.
3. Join clauses correctly, like a conjunction should.
4. About them sentence fragments.
5. When dangling, watch your participles.
6. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
7. Just between you and I, case is important.
8. Don't write run on sentences they are hard to read.
9. Don't use commas, which aren't necessary.
10. Its important to use apostrophe's correctly.
11. Try not to ever split infinitives.
12. Correct spelling is essenshul.
13. Proofread your writing to see if any words out.
14. A preposition is a poor word to end a sentence with.
15. Don't be redundundant.
Drawscore