John and sara

Postby jkingx » Wed Apr 23, 2008 8:41 am

quickly this is a story that i worte a while ago and i was the 1 of the main charecters so i will talk like it's real alot but it isn't. Well it was a normal day of school at first then i ran into the girl i like she and her mother are staying wit me and my mom :D so she said c u tonight and walked away. Now we have been friends since we were kids and over the years are moms got closer. Now a quick discription of the charecters john(me) about 5'6'' football player pretty muscular and thin I have medium dark brown hair that is always put up in the guido spike. Sara is about 5'3'' she is a cheerleader she is thin and not really muscular. So when i got home Sara was chillin on the couch she said our parents went out i jus said cool and said that i was going to get changed and i was going out she said now ur not allowed to i was just like um yea right it's friday jus cause u don't got life don't mean i don't since i was held back 1 year in school im allowed to drive so i got changed into jean shorts and a gunie T. i grb my key and left when i got home it was pitch black and sara jumped on top of me and used chloro form to knock me out. when i woke up she was standing there in just her bra and panties and said our parents are going away for the whole week so looks like this week ur all mine and i was happy if you know what i mean so she sat down on the bed and kept puing her brests in my face and then the bell rang she went to get it and it was my friend ross caling me to go n chill she said i wasn't home i said yea i am roos im in my room help she said fuck i forgot a gag so he pushed her aside and helped me and then i fixed my hair and we went to hit some clubs when i got home me and ross were smashed and sara's old boyfriend came over i heard mmmmghmmmmmmgghhhhhmmmggghh
so i ran upstairs and their was sara notin on and her x and he was getting rdy to have fun so i punched him i got into a huge fist fight and he was a hockey play so that didn't help me any nicer the hocky players in my school think they are better then the football players but he was a big fighter on there team so he was holding his own but i was smashed so i really wasn't gettin hurt finally i knocked him out and through him outside and we left sara like that mostly because we forgot.
ill end here until next time let me know what you think.

Postby Fesselfan » Tue May 27, 2008 6:33 am

You may wish to take a look in here:

http://www.tieupgames.net/viewtopic.php?t=177

Quite frankly the lack of any proper form resulted in me reading not the story.

Cheers

FF
There are 10 kind of people in the world.
Those who understand binary numeral system, and those who don't.

Postby ReaderG » Tue May 27, 2008 12:33 pm

I agree with fesselfan, not worth trying to read.

Also, your poll didn't last very long, but my vote would be NO.
Gerry

Postby Boundgal08 » Tue May 27, 2008 12:44 pm

i have to agree, that the mixture between words, and text form words, can be off putting for people, and so dont read it, but for the sake of it i did, and it is interesting your story, but it would be better, if you made it fully english and nor txt form everynow and then.. but overall interestin story, just watch how you write it