I'm asexual, but I have a fetish for being handcuffed. Can you relate? What are your fantasies regarding handcuffs?

Postby MegaX1231 » Sat Apr 02, 2016 7:16 pm

Okay, so just to be clear: I am asexual. This means that I have no interest in sex nor do I feel sexual attraction towards people. And growing up, I was very sheltered and innocent. Hell, I didn't even discover masturbation until last year (I'm twenty).

But even asexuals can have fetishes, and mine pertains to a specific kind of self-bondage— that being handcuffs. Now, it's hard to really express this or find anything or anyone to relate to regarding this, because most of everything concerning bondage has some semblance of sex or torture or whatever. And I have no interest in that.

Simply put, I just like to fantasize about being handcuffed. The simple sight of handcuffs "gets me off", so to speak. My ideal fantasy is to spend an entire day with my hands chained behind my back with a chain attached to leg cuffs, thereby further hindering my movements; and to top it all off, with my hands and arms restricted further by padlocking a black box over my cuffs and padlocking my cuffs to a belly chain.

An alternate scenario would be similar, with everything I just described, except my hands are cuffed in front and tightened via black box, with the chains tethered to my belly chain and leg irons. To add to this, and to top it all off, perhaps add a collar and chain my hands to this, so that I can barely move my arms an inch and I can't even stretch. So much so that I can't even push my glasses up my nose if they so happen to slip (although that's unlikely, seeing that the arms curl around my ears pretty snugly).

I don't view this as sexual, really, since I don't fantasize about doing this erotically or with someone. I just find the idea of being so restricted in my movements that I can't even stretch my arms so enthralling. I kind of like the sensation of not being able to stretch my limbs and having my body encased in cold, steel bonds.

Oddly enough, I still don't have access to handcuffs and I desperately want to obtain all of this stuff. But I still live at home, and I don't want to be caught. Someday, though, I will definitely fullfill this hopefully.

There wasn't a point to this post. I just wanted to express this to someone. I feel like a complete freak and I feel so dirty sometimes because of this. I still think sex and pornography is gross, and I have no desire for either. But I have one Achilles' heel. Obviously, I keep this a secret from everyone, so I needed to talk about it.

If anyone can relate or understand this, feel free to talk to me.

Re: I'm asexual, but I have a fetish for being handcuffed. Can you relate? What are your fantasies regarding handcuffs?

Postby Jason Toddman » Sat Apr 02, 2016 8:03 pm

Well, I can relate to a point. I am also asexual, but I do enjoy some mild torture like tickling or slapping without any sexual activity involved. Frankly i find merely being restrained to be kind of boring, but I've no real appetite for sexual activity either. Mild non-sexual degradation however fascinates me no end.
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Re: I'm asexual, but I have a fetish for being handcuffed. Can you relate? What are your fantasies regarding handcuffs?

Postby TUfriend » Sun Apr 03, 2016 8:26 pm

Okay, so I literally just did a presentation yesterday on asexuality myths and misconceptions. After doing a lot of research I feel like there's a lot of flexibility in the asexual and aromantic spectrums. For example, a lot of asexuals are not aromatic, meaning they still want a romantic relationship but don't have a sexual attraction to anyone. Additionally, many asexual people have sex and even have a sex drive. Usually this means they still want sex, but they aren't sexually attracted to the person they are having sex with.

Asexual people are also just as kinky as allosexual (not asexual) people. For many people, that means they don't view their fetishes as sexual. But for many other asexuals, they do view their fetishes as sexual.

What it all comes down to is that asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction. In other words, if you find yourself never saying/thinking: "I want to have sex with that person," then congratulations, you may be asexual. But if you do identify as asexual, you can do anything that allosexual people do and still identify as asexual.
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See my most recent TRUE story, "SPL Initiation", here.

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Re: I'm asexual, but I have a fetish for being handcuffed. Can you relate? What are your fantasies regarding handcuffs?

Postby TUfriend » Sun Apr 03, 2016 8:29 pm

As for your question, I find that my fantasies are sort of all over the place, but what I really want is a romantic partner who I can feel really close to before I embrace my kinky side with anyone.
Heil Toddman, the Wonderful Wizard of Odd
I'm a nerd with a dangerous side.

See my most recent TRUE story, "SPL Initiation", here.

Read my most recent FICTIONAL story, "The Birth of a Whovian", here

Re: I'm asexual, but I have a fetish for being handcuffed. Can you relate? What are your fantasies regarding handcuffs?

Postby cellofello » Sun Apr 03, 2016 9:37 pm

MegaX1231 wrote:I feel like a complete freak [...]


Being a freak just means you're extremely unusual. That doesn't automatically make you a bad person. Einstein was freakishly intelligent. Usain Bolt is freakishly fast. Nothing to be ashamed of there.

You're not seeking to do something to someone else without their consent. You're not seeking to torture animals. So even if you are a freak, you're not an _evil_ freak. But frankly, interest in bondage is common enough that I really don't think it should qualify as freakish.

... and I feel so dirty sometimes because of this.


_You_ have nothing to feel ashamed of, because you're not doing (or looking to do) anything wrong. Shame on those who would tell you that your desires are something to be ashamed of.

Re: I'm asexual, but I have a fetish for being handcuffed. Can you relate? What are your fantasies regarding handcuffs?

Postby Sealherlips » Thu Apr 07, 2016 3:07 am

You "get off" with handcuffs? Surprise! You're not asexual.

Re: I'm asexual, but I have a fetish for being handcuffed. Can you relate? What are your fantasies regarding handcuffs?

Postby TUfriend » Thu Apr 07, 2016 8:24 am

Sealherlips wrote:You "get off" with handcuffs? Surprise! You're not asexual.


This is a misconception. Asexual people can be as kinky as non-asexuals, and many asexuals masturbate.
Heil Toddman, the Wonderful Wizard of Odd
I'm a nerd with a dangerous side.

See my most recent TRUE story, "SPL Initiation", here.

Read my most recent FICTIONAL story, "The Birth of a Whovian", here

Re: I'm asexual, but I have a fetish for being handcuffed. Can you relate? What are your fantasies regarding handcuffs?

Postby Sealherlips » Thu Apr 07, 2016 9:06 am

Then congratulations, they're not asexual. Asexual means you have no sexual drive. I've noticed most "asexual" people are just anti social attention seekers.

Re: I'm asexual, but I have a fetish for being handcuffed. Can you relate? What are your fantasies regarding handcuffs?

Postby Jason Toddman » Fri Apr 08, 2016 8:04 am

Sealherlips wrote:Then congratulations, they're not asexual. Asexual means you have no sexual drive. I've noticed most "asexual" people are just anti social attention seekers.

I beg to differ. I may be asocial, but i am not anti-social by any means. Anti-social refers to people who actively seek to harm others. Asocial merely means one prefers to isolate themselves. I am of the latter persuasion. And in real life at least seeking attention is just about the last thing I would want to do, and even here not so much. Perhaps at one time... perhaps. But certainly not now.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

Re: I'm asexual, but I have a fetish for being handcuffed. Can you relate? What are your fantasies regarding handcuffs?

Postby Sealherlips » Fri Apr 08, 2016 9:09 am

Jason Toddman wrote:
Sealherlips wrote:Then congratulations, they're not asexual. Asexual means you have no sexual drive. I've noticed most "asexual" people are just anti social attention seekers.

I beg to differ. I may be asocial, but i am not anti-social by any means. Anti-social refers to people who actively seek to harm others. Asocial merely means one prefers to isolate themselves. I am of the latter persuasion. And in real life at least seeking attention is just about the last thing I would want to do, and even here not so much. Perhaps at one time... perhaps. But certainly not now.


Whoa anti social means you seek to harm others? Literally everyone I know is misusing the term.

Re: I'm asexual, but I have a fetish for being handcuffed. Can you relate? What are your fantasies regarding handcuffs?

Postby Jason Toddman » Fri Apr 08, 2016 9:59 am

I'm not sure if you intended to be funny/sarcastic or not but you are correct, actually. There are many dozens of words that don't mean what a majority of people think they do, and this happens to be one of them.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

Re: I'm asexual, but I have a fetish for being handcuffed. Can you relate? What are your fantasies regarding handcuffs?

Postby MegaX1231 » Fri Apr 08, 2016 6:33 pm

Not to start an argument here, but asexual simply means that you have no sexual attraction towards other people. It does not mean that you don't have a libido. Asexuals are capable of being "turned on", because it's a physiological function that our bodies can't control. Now, as previously discussed, you can have kinks. In my case, handcuffs: The thought of doing anything sexual with someone involving bondage or handcuffs repulses me, and I have no desire to have sex. I have always thought of sex as gross and weird. It's just the object or the sensation I get from being confined in said object that gets me excited. That's how my mind works. Now, asexuals can have romantic interests in people, which I do. But The minute sex comes into the picture, I want no part of it. Cuddling in bed is my limit— fully clothed, I might add.

It's also important to note that asexuality is very much a spectrum, and how one asexual feels about sex is not necessarily the way another asexual feels. Some may feel repulsed by sex; others may simply merely lack the attraction to someone. It's a complicated concept to explain to people because, well... How do you explain a lack of something?

There are many misconceptions, so if you're confused and have questions, I'm more than happy to answer. However, I can't speak for every asexual, because it is a spectrum. But asexuals can have fetishes or kinks. They just probably go about exploring those kinks in different ways.

Re: I'm asexual, but I have a fetish for being handcuffed. Can you relate? What are your fantasies regarding handcuffs?

Postby Jason Toddman » Fri Apr 08, 2016 8:16 pm

MegaX1231 wrote:Not to start an argument here, but asexual simply means that you have no sexual attraction towards other people. It does not mean that you don't have a libido...

I'd say that's the best explanation i've seen here yet. it certainly describes me pretty well. I'm not particularly interested in sex but i still get aroused as hell when i am tied up and when... well... certain other conditions also are in play.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

Re: I'm asexual, but I have a fetish for being handcuffed. Can you relate? What are your fantasies regarding handcuffs?

Postby Sealherlips » Fri Apr 08, 2016 9:09 pm

MegaX1231 wrote:Not to start an argument here, but asexual simply means that you have no sexual attraction towards other people. It does not mean that you don't have a libido. Asexuals are capable of being "turned on", because it's a physiological function that our bodies can't control. Now, as previously discussed, you can have kinks. In my case, handcuffs: The thought of doing anything sexual with someone involving bondage or handcuffs repulses me, and I have no desire to have sex. I have always thought of sex as gross and weird. It's just the object or the sensation I get from being confined in said object that gets me excited. That's how my mind works. Now, asexuals can have romantic interests in people, which I do. But The minute sex comes into the picture, I want no part of it. Cuddling in bed is my limit— fully clothed, I might add.

It's also important to note that asexuality is very much a spectrum, and how one asexual feels about sex is not necessarily the way another asexual feels. Some may feel repulsed by sex; others may simply merely lack the attraction to someone. It's a complicated concept to explain to people because, well... How do you explain a lack of something?

There are many misconceptions, so if you're confused and have questions, I'm more than happy to answer. However, I can't speak for every asexual, because it is a spectrum. But asexuals can have fetishes or kinks. They just probably go about exploring those kinks in different ways.


By that logic, people into bestiality are "asexual."

A-prefix meaning not. So asexual literally means not sexual. At all. In any way.

Re: I'm asexual, but I have a fetish for being handcuffed. Can you relate? What are your fantasies regarding handcuffs?

Postby Jason Toddman » Sat Apr 09, 2016 5:40 am

Sealherlips wrote:
By that logic, people into bestiality are "asexual."

A-prefix meaning not. So asexual literally means not sexual. At all. In any way.

No no no no no. I don't think you're really following what MegaX is saying at all. You don't need to have a sexual attraction to someone/something to get an arousal. i was getting arousals before i was even ten years old just by other kids tying me up - and even stronger ones when they sat on me. But there was no real desire to have actual sex with them; not then and not since. And i'm sure they didn't have sex on their minds those first few years either. It was just something kids do to one another. I simply got into being the captive more than most. That's not sex; but it felt like it was.
That's not to say i haven't had sex with those who for whatever reason wanted that with me; i have had such numerous times in my teens and twenties and it was an interesting experiment/experience. But I was always far more aroused just being tied up and sat on by my partner of the time than i was engaging with an explicit sex act with them - even when they were doing all three at the same time. Something like fellatio for instance was interesting to me only as long as i was tied up and my partner was straddling my chest. In any other situation where I am not being sat on at least (whether tied or not), fellatio holds no interest for me whatsoever.
I can most definitely get aroused; it just isn't sex per se that arouses me.
Bestiality on the other hand is most definitely sexual. And most likely no fun for the animal. But that's a whole other topic.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

Re: I'm asexual, but I have a fetish for being handcuffed. Can you relate? What are your fantasies regarding handcuffs?

Postby FelixSH » Sat Apr 09, 2016 9:43 am

MegaX1231 wrote:If anyone can relate or understand this, feel free to talk to me.


Bondage and dress clothes turn me on, but it's completely detached from any interest in sexual intercourse. I do have fantasies which include other guys, but they are only interesting as fantasies. I love cuddling too, but I don't have any interest in sex. I mean, I'm not disgusted by it, but there is just no desire there at all. Compared to that, I totally want to be tied up. Again, sex isn't included there at all, I just want to be restricted without being able to get out on my own.

So, yeah, there is no need to feel like a freak (but I understand that it's not easy to shake this feeling off). We might be a bit different than the norm, but there is nothing wrong with this difference. It's ok not to care about sex and it's ok to still have fetishes. People are different in many ways, and as long as no one is unwillingly hurt, these differences aren't a bad thing.

Also, I didn't really get masturbation until I was 25, so in case this worries you, don't mind it. There are always people who bloom later in some ways.

Re: I'm asexual, but I have a fetish for being handcuffed. Can you relate? What are your fantasies regarding handcuffs?

Postby Jason Toddman » Sat Apr 09, 2016 6:11 pm

FelixSH wrote:
MegaX1231 wrote:Also, I didn't really get masturbation until I was 25, so in case this worries you, don't mind it. There are always people who bloom later in some ways.

That's not even a record. I didn't take it up until I was about 33... so obviously I never did it at all as a kid either. It just didn't interest me.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

Re: I'm asexual, but I have a fetish for being handcuffed. Can you relate? What are your fantasies regarding handcuffs?

Postby TUfriend » Sun Apr 17, 2016 8:15 am

I can't even masturbate to porn because the idea of people having sex just doesn't interest me. Asexual people have sex all of the time, whether it's to please a partner or for other reasons.
Heil Toddman, the Wonderful Wizard of Odd
I'm a nerd with a dangerous side.

See my most recent TRUE story, "SPL Initiation", here.

Read my most recent FICTIONAL story, "The Birth of a Whovian", here