## The first adventures of John and Alex.

Post by Tugsfan » Sat Jun 22, 2013 7:01 pm

This is a request of tman
((Sorry for the grammar faults, i'm chilean))
John and alex were walking to the home of Alex
Alex is a boy of 12 years, 5'3, 130 lbs, blond with blue eyes, he's in uniform
John was a 12 year old guy too, 5'5 135 lbs, dark skinned, with brown eyes, he too is in uniform
The uniform consisted of a gray pants, short-sleeved white shirt and black vest, all with black shoes.
When Alex and John come home, the both kick his shoes and they now are in socks and uniform. John and Alex went to watch TV alex bedroom, and saw a movie about a mummy, when it finish alex says:"
-if that mummy was alive because he did not escape, why not slipped from the cloth strips eh?
-Alex you think that it's easy, it isn't, the Egyptians knotted so well, you can not go out.-said John
'Well, in that case, because we didn't try!- Shouted Alex
Alex How to test?-said John
-I mean, you wind it me me in something like the Egyptian, and I try to escape
-It will not be dangerous??
-No way - said Alex
-Then it's a deal - said John.
The two shook hands.
-Well, i'm thinking about duct tape.
-Ok. Thats, fine.
-I have some in the garage
Meanwhile john had an idea for mummify alex and grab, along with the duct tape a roll of saran wrap, and go again upstairs.
-Well, now hands in your chest like the Pharaons, and legs together-Said John.
-Nothing more than duct tape??-said alex
-Only a roll of saran wrap.
-Saran mmmppphhhh-alex said before heis shouted by a strap of duct tape and knocked out by a hit in the pit of the stomach and john start his job putting out alex socks and start saran-wraping his feet and legs.
When John finish with the legs, alex was nearly to put out the strips of duct tape when alex taped his wrists against the chest leaving a impotent Alex shouting nearly mummified.
If you like it let me know please, feedback is very important, this is my first story, a request of tman, and the first starring of my OC, Alex and john.
Last edited by Tugsfan on Sun Jun 23, 2013 12:56 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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### Re: The first adventures of John and Alex.

Post by Tugsfan » Sat Jun 22, 2013 8:56 pm

Chapter two
John doesn't see very interested in alex reactions and he start covering alex upper body with saran-wrap.
MMMPHGPHGPHGPHG-Muffled Alex
-Shut up alex, this is funny isn't it?
-MMMMMPPPPPHHHGHGHGHHHG
-Doesn't matter, i'm feeling very well doing this -Said John when he start covering the chest of Alex.
-MMMPPPPhHHHH.
John finish saran-wrapping alex chest, and start duct-tapping the ankles, down and above the knees, and retaped the arms with ten strips over alex chest. Then he peel off the ducttape of alex mouth.
-Please, I'll be quMMMMPPPPHHHH-John introduce over alex mouth his own sweaty socks that john pulled out before and duct-taped alex mouth with twenty strips and took again the saran wrap.
MMMMMPPPPPHHHHH
-Please, isn't it a very funny thing.
MMMPPPPHHH
-Oh, you're a crying baby -Said John before start wrapping Alex head in saran wrap, and open holes on the nostrils for let alex breathe.
MMMMMPPPPHHH
John duct tape the forehead of alex, leaving alex now totally mummified, without warning of scaping
-Here are the rules, you have twenty minutes to scape, if you can't, remember that tomorrow is holidays, i'll sleep over here, and you'll be my hostage all the holidays!!!
MMMPPPHHH
What will pass to alex the mummy?, can he freed before twenty minutes? discover it in chapter three of "The First adventures of John and Alex"
Last edited by Tugsfan on Sun Jun 23, 2013 12:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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### Re: The first adventures of John and Alex.

Post by drawscore » Sat Jun 22, 2013 10:44 pm

This is not bad. For improvement, I would recommend line spacing between paragraphs. (Every time the speaker changes, it's a new paragraph).
Next, since you admit a deficiency in English, I would suggest that you poll the board for someone who has a good command of English, who can proofread, and make corrections. Do this through back channels (private messages).
English is a rough language for those that do not speak, read, and write it naturally, so do not feel bad about your lack of English skills. Like any other skill, it will improve with work and practice.
Drawscore

### Re: The first adventures of John and Alex.

Post by Tugsfan » Sun Jun 23, 2013 12:59 pm

Thanks drawscore for the suggestions, hope that you like the adventure
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### Re: The first adventures of John and Alex.

Post by Tugsfan » Fri Jun 28, 2013 12:11 pm

Thanks for the feedback Drawscore.Hoping that you like the story, here we are with the part 3.
Chapter 3.
Alex is mummified in the center of his bedroom, by his friend John, Alex don't know the surprise that john has to his best friend, John already left the bedroom and alex try to scape, but he can't move more than one centimeter out of the original place before john come.
-Hello Mummy, do you like your straps -say John
-MMMMPPPPPHHHH
-I have something for you Alex!
-MMMPPPHHH???-Muffled Alex.
-Look at this -Said john before showing a scissors over alex face, making alex very happy thinking that john will freed he.
-MMMMMPPPPPHHHH.
John freeds alex bare soles, and start tickling them
MAHAHAAHAPPPMAPAPAPMPPPPPHAHAHAHA.
-Look out who's ticklish alex -Said John when he continue tickling without mercy.
MHAHAHAHAMMPPHAHAHAHAAH.
John stops tickling alex feet, and then he starts with the mummified belly of alex. Making him squirm more than before.
MHASHAHAHAHMAHAHAHAHHHAAA
-Do you like it?
MMMMMMPPPPPHHHH
John stops tickling alex when he heard a sound coming from the kitchen
-I'll come back in a moment alex
What would be that sound? Will alex scape before john come back?? Discover in the Part 4 of "The first adventure of John and Alex"hat would be that sound? Will alex scape before john come back?? Discover in the Part 4 of "The first adventure of John and Alex"
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### Re: The first adventures of John and Alex.

Post by Tugsfan » Sun Jul 21, 2013 5:47 pm

When John goes downstairs, he goes to the kitchen, but when he opens the fridge a rag with a swett smell was pulled over his face.
MMMMMPPPPPHHHH-John screams, but he fell unconcious before the first minute pass.
Very well- says the captor - one down, one to go.
The captor left John in the couch hogtied, and go upstairs, where he find a mummified and sleeping Alex, and he only apply a little time the rag.
-MMMMPPPHHH?!?!?!?!?!- gag-talk Alex before blacking out.
-Two down...-He say when he was carrying Alex next to John, and start mummifying John like Alex.
When John wakes up, he feel something wrong. When he tries to move, he discover that he was mummified like he a hour before mummify alex.
-MMMMPPPPHHHMMMPPPHHH!!!!! - Say John.
He tried to scream and struggle but it was less and less effective, he feel next to him a mummified Alex.
-MMMMPPPHHH MMMMPPPPHHH - Said Alex.
Then they feel footsteps and hear a door being open and they start struggle.
-MMMMPPPPHH??? - The two try to say.
- little babies, did you miss me??.
Then the kidnapper unwrap the boys face and ungag them, and then they two see the worst thing that would pass in all world.
Sarah, Alex sister kidnap them.
Sarah was a tall girl of 5'7, red long hear, white skinned, and she wears a pair of bluejeans, a red tanktop and a white jacket, finishing with knee length boots.
-When do you get here sis? - Asked Alex.
-In the morning, and i wait for you all day, and when i see that boy tying you, i think in bring you here to my new flat with your new friend and held you captives here all the weekend!!!
-Wait, what!!!! Captives of you all the weekend!!! - Say Alex and John.
-Yeah!!!.
What'll pass to Alex and John being captives of Sarah?? Discover it in Chapter Five of The First Adventures of John and Alex.
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### Re: The first adventures of John and Alex.

Post by El_Llama » Mon Sep 09, 2013 9:40 am

Love it! I can't believe I let a good mummy story slip past my gaze back in June :3 (forgive me if this counts as bumping a topic, but it's nice to leave some feedback)
As Abraham Lincoln once said: "People are often misquoted on the internet!"

### Re: The first adventures of John and Alex.

Post by Jason Toddman » Tue Oct 15, 2013 7:17 am

Any plans to continue? It may give me ideas for my own wrapped-like-a-mummy story I've been doing on and off the last year and a half (also based on a request by tman, as a matter of fact).
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

### Re: The first adventures of John and Alex.

Post by tman » Thu Oct 17, 2013 9:21 am

This is a great story thanks again
Boys tied up can look AWESOME

### Re: The first adventures of John and Alex.

Post by Tugsfan » Mon Nov 18, 2013 6:19 pm

I think that in december i can cntinue properly. Now im finishing my school year :p
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### Re: The first adventures of John and Alex.

Post by Tugsfan » Mon Dec 23, 2013 8:49 am

(Sorry if this count of bumping but....)
Who wants me to continue this story?
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### Re: The first adventures of John and Alex.

Post by Hienhien88 » Mon Dec 23, 2013 11:22 am

I would really like you to continue this story it is really too good in fact I'd love to find me mummified lol

### Re: The first adventures of John and Alex.

Post by Tugsfan » Tue Dec 24, 2013 11:48 am

I need two more people and I'll write and post the next part
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### Re: The first adventures of John and Alex.

Post by xtc » Fri Dec 27, 2013 7:51 am

Not a good idea to set conditions
However, I think you should continue but I echo the previous suggetsion that you should look for a sub-editor to give the next episode the "once over" beofre you post it.
Boxer shorts are cool,
but little speedos rule!
More by the same author: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=22729

### Re: The first adventures of John and Alex.

Post by Tugsfan » Fri Dec 27, 2013 7:23 pm

> xtc wrote:Not a good idea to set conditions
> However, I think you should continue but I echo the previous suggetsion that you should look for a sub-editor to give the next episode the "once over" beofre you post it.

I want to know if the people miss my story so I decided to see and wait and I am writing the next part and wait for the feedback to publish it
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### Re: The first adventures of John and Alex.

Post by Jason Toddman » Sat Dec 28, 2013 12:23 am

> Tugsfan wrote:I want to know if the people miss my story so I decided to see and wait and I am writing the next part and wait for the feedback to publish it

Well, good luck with that. Usually I find such an attempt to be counter-productive because it can actively annoy some readers. As for me, when i write several chapters of something and get little or no feedback, i just say to hell with it and discontinue the story altogether.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...