In The Moonlight (F/F)

Postby BlackWingedAngel » Thu Apr 01, 2010 11:46 pm

Alright so this is my first attempt that this. Feedback and much guidance would be greatly appreciated.

I'm a girl
I want to be the submissive victim

I am such a total bondage newb

Re: In The Moonlight (F/F)

Postby Suestruggles » Fri Apr 02, 2010 12:01 am

Well it's a good start, descriptive, nicely split into paragraphs to make reading earier but one or two spell check mistakes.

Please do carry on, it sounds awsome.
Sue

Fit to be tied, wants to struggle.

Re: In The Moonlight (F/F)

Postby jennybond » Fri Apr 02, 2010 1:59 am

A good start I'm looking forward to reading more. :big:
It only gets tighter if you struggle...

Re: In The Moonlight (F/F)

Postby C.Sully » Fri Apr 02, 2010 5:24 am

The begining is promising, cant wait to read more !

Re: In The Moonlight (F/F)

Postby Boundgal08 » Fri Apr 02, 2010 10:00 am

Good start to the story, hope to read more soon! :D

Cheers,
BG
BOUNDGIRL!
Probably the kinkiest woman you will ever meet!
I am a switch, I like to put a man in ropes and also have a man put me in ropes!
I am the 'Queen of bondage'

Re: In The Moonlight (F/F)

Postby Spreadeagle » Fri Apr 02, 2010 2:19 pm

Yeh good start. Lookin forward to the next installment
Always looking for new TUG buddies :)

Re: In The Moonlight (F/F)

Postby BlackWingedAngel » Tue Apr 13, 2010 12:11 am

Sorry this too so long, school is kicking my butt as finals are about a month away now. -.-;

    Melissa de Moray knew exactly what people thought of her as. She was stern, strict, completely unapproachable. She had carefully cultivated that impression for years. Now wasn't the time to worry about that however. Now was the time for all of her careful planning to come to fruition. "No squirming or screaming Samantha," she ordered pulling her briefcase towards her. She opened the locks with one hand, pinning the girl's hands together with her other hand. Inside the briefcase were ropes, several rolls of duct tape, a ball gag, and other little toys which she would be glad to use later. That was for later though.

    She pulled out one of the shorter pieces of rope and began to wrap it tightly around Sam's ropes. The girl began to squirm under her. "M-Miss de Moray..." Melissa shook her head ignoring the girl. She could gag her as soon as she had her hands secured. She pulled the rope around tight before cinching it several times. She tied the knot up away from the reach of Sam's desperately reaching fingers. "Miss de Moray, please..."

    She shook her head again. "Now now, can't have you alerting any stragglers," she admonished gently pulling out the blue ball gag. It matched Samantha's eyes. A detail that Melissa hadn't noticed before. She couldn't help but enjoy that fact as she brought the ball down in front of Sam's mouth, holding the straps. "Open up," she ordered. Sam's head drew back. Melissa let go of one of the straps and caught Sam's face by the chin, pinching her cheeks between her fingers to keep the girl's mouth open. A sound came out of Sam's mouth was that was muted by the ball being pushed in. Sam began to squirm under Melissa as she grabbed the straps and buckled them tightly behind Melissa's head. Melissa lifted her butt up so that she was still leaning over the girl, but not sitting on her. She flipped over Sam who was squirming and moaning against her gag. "Still so loud," Melissa admonished shaking her head. She grabbed out a roll of duct tape and pulled some away from the roll before pressing it onto the ball gag, pressing the gag further into Sam's mouth before she began to wind the roll around the girl's head. Sam tried to keep her head pressed to the floor, but Melissa was stronger. She simply pulled Sam's head up by the hair and pushed the roll behind her when Sam refused to behave.

    "There, much more quiet."
I'm a girl
I want to be the submissive victim

I am such a total bondage newb

Re: In The Moonlight (F/F)

Postby OGgrl93 » Tue Apr 13, 2010 4:41 am

Very good so far. Can't wait to read more! :D

Re: In The Moonlight (F/F)

Postby chloroformmeplease » Tue Apr 13, 2010 11:27 am

It is a nice story and I can't wait to see what happenes next. You did ask for feedback and such but how do you feel about critism of grammar,spelling and punctuation?

I've said it before we all make mistakes and often they are mistakes that are easy to overlook. I have gone back after writing a story and edited careless mistakes. Silly little typos or misspelled words. So if you don't mind some constructive critism let me know. By all means do continue your story and also future ones at that. :bound:
Treat others as you wish to be treated. Having said that I will not sit idly by while someone is disrespecting another just because they think they are better than everyone else.

Re: In The Moonlight (F/F)

Postby BlackWingedAngel » Tue Apr 13, 2010 12:02 pm

chloroformmeplease wrote:It is a nice story and I can't wait to see what happenes next. You did ask for feedback and such but how do you feel about critism of grammar,spelling and punctuation?

I've said it before we all make mistakes and often they are mistakes that are easy to overlook. I have gone back after writing a story and edited careless mistakes. Silly little typos or misspelled words. So if you don't mind some constructive critism let me know. By all means do continue your story and also future ones at that. :bound:


I would love constructive criticism and suggestions. :big:
I'm a girl
I want to be the submissive victim

I am such a total bondage newb

Re: In The Moonlight (F/F)

Postby chloroformmeplease » Tue Apr 13, 2010 8:59 pm

BlackWingedAngel wrote:
chloroformmeplease wrote:It is a nice story and I can't wait to see what happenes next. You did ask for feedback and such but how do you feel about critism of grammar,spelling and punctuation?

I've said it before we all make mistakes and often they are mistakes that are easy to overlook. I have gone back after writing a story and edited careless mistakes. Silly little typos or misspelled words. So if you don't mind some constructive critism let me know. By all means do continue your story and also future ones at that. :bound:


I would love constructive criticism and suggestions. :big:


You wrote: Sam sat in her desk waiting for it all to end. Since you asked for constructive criticism and by the way as I said we all make mistakes I did spell criticism wrong in my first reply to you. In any case Sam sat at her desk probably not in her desk.

You also wrote: She pulled out one of the shorter pieces of rope and began to wrap it tightly around Sam's ropes. The way you wrote this it would seem that the ropes in question in fact belong to Sam and not her teacher. I looked back to see if she had started to tie Sam up yet but in the first chaper I saw no mention that she had begun to tie her up yet.

You put many commas in the first paragraph where they actually did not need to be. I do like thos story so do not get upset at what I have pointed out. I hope you continue to write this story plus many more. The story is good. We all make mistakes and I often have to go back to the beginning of my stories to refresh myself on names and events that have taken place. Typos are so very easy to do and we all make typos all the time. I get on a roll where my mind works faster then my fingers do so I make careless typos all the time. Sometimes I catch them and sometimes I don't. I also notice sometimes I forget how to spell something it's like some sort of mental block. In any case as I said please keep on writing. We can't enough of stories and / or writers here. Glad you are writing. :bound:
Treat others as you wish to be treated. Having said that I will not sit idly by while someone is disrespecting another just because they think they are better than everyone else.

Re: In The Moonlight (F/F)

Postby BlackWingedAngel » Sun May 30, 2010 2:34 pm

Sorry this took so long DX School and real life suck!

    Sam squirmed trying to pull her hands out of their bondage as Melissa stood up and walked back to her suitcase. She wasn't sure what to think in this kind of situation. She had secretly dreamed of it, but it was a secret for a reason. No one could have known that she wanted this which made her question Ms. de Moray's motives. Melissa reached down and tugged at Sam's shoes bringing her attention sharply back to the teacher. She tried to pull away only to find that her efforts helped Melissa as she pulled off the girl's shoes first than her slacks. Sam moaned softly against her gag, a pleading look on her face as Melissa bent her leg at the knee and began to wrap rope around it tightly. She cinched it between her folded her leg before moving onto the next one and repeating the tie despite Sam's struggles. Melissa finished off the her little student present by tying Sam's ankles loosely together.

    Melissa stood back and surveyed her handiwork before sauntering over to the door and turning off the light and locking the classroom door. She walked back over to Sam and knelt beside the young woman trailing a hand down Sam's cheek. Sam whipped her hand away and Melissa sighed. "Alright then darling," she said with a sigh. "If that's the way you want it..."

    Melissa slid her hand under Sam's black shirt and began to caress her smooth stomach tracing small patterns. Surprised, muffled snippets of laughter came from under Sam's gag as she squirmed trying to pull away from Melissa. As she lightly tickled Sam's stomach, Melissa began to slowly unbutton Sam's shirt. She stopped when there were only three left and began to fondle Sam's size C breasts through her black lace bra. Sam continued to squirm under her teacher until they were joined by soft moans. "That's it princess," Melissa teased. She bent over Sam and began to kiss her through her gag as she continued rubbing and squeezing Sam's breasts.
I'm a girl
I want to be the submissive victim

I am such a total bondage newb

Re: In The Moonlight (F/F)

Postby Nicole » Sun Jun 06, 2010 4:14 pm

please continue...pretty please? :D