Hesitations ( inspired from a novel from Dino Buzzati )

Postby Chapelier Fou/ Mad Hatter » Sat Nov 22, 2014 2:50 pm

Hesitations ( inspired from a novel from Dino Buzzati : The Wind )
i am a frenchman, english is not my native language, this story is a translation from a story i wrote on Jeux de Liens ( in french of course), i lent my story to a friend who is a translator, but i didn't receive its correction by electronic message, so feel free to suggest some corrections to my grammar, i'm not very keen on the use of preterit, plusperfect and present in an english story

I was waiting her next to the coast of the river, near this small cove on my skiff I know she’ll arrive soon, in fact i am sure of this, she makes me waiting her, I am watching for her arrival ,listening the leaves rustle. Setting on, setting off, spinning around, the wind is like my heart. Because today I will throw myself into the pool, she will feel the caress of ropes.
Like always she cames by my side without me being able to see her coming, she sprang out from the earth or rather the water with her frank smile, she’s radiant. With ease she raises on board with her container.

But as soon as we made eye contact, she figured it out with this devilish intuition that women own that I have something in my mind.
I’m not very sure about this, she might didn’t want to try, she wouldn’t feel any pleasure, she would stay indifferent.

I rather talk about the usual nothings, some linkable anecdotes, I continue talking when she lies herself next to me , she figured it out.
‘’Where are we going ? ’’ she asked me calmly.
Undulations were made by her fingers brushing the water.
‘’ But nowhere’’ I answered
Indeed it’s true, we remain here because we have decided about nothing, the wind is blowing, I could ask her to tie her wrists but she might name me a freak, spit on my face and never speak to me, only wind would remain, no better forget about it.
‘’ Listen ‘’ she said while sitting next to me, there she looks a little bit shy.
I dread what is she going to say, that she had found everything about my hobbies.
Proposing that she keep her hands behind her back ? She would reject me, that scared her, she will run away. No please say nothing.
“I want to say’’, she pulled herself “ it has been a while…”
A gust of wind take out the ending of her phrase.
“Pardon ?”
I played with her hair, looking absorbed.
“ You know” She was turning inward “ there are tastes and colours that shouldn’t be discussed…”
What could I do ? What would I do ? Throwing myself on her, gagging her and keeping her at home forever ?
No no no it’s all wrong ! I want to see complicity in her eyes not fear !
“God please” I pleaded him cowardly “ make her talk about the music in car, what we’ll be looking on Television, make her calm me.
But now she was launched, sliding towards the precipice of franchise.
“Bondage” she add after a long pause” do you know that ?
- I do” I said, the wind is now howling in the cove.
“ If she’s talking about it” I was thinking “ that means she doesn’t love me anymore, if she still love me, she would have say nothing. How to feel bad she’s a bird that travels, birds don’t like ca…
-I don’t know how to ask you.
-Ask what ?
-If you would accept to t…”
She takes a r… out of her container and presents it to me.
“You want me to t…
-Yes that’s what I want”
I take her in my arms and she l…
I hold her, she give herself up. Her face was r…
She breathes:
“Yes, f…”
It was so easy. I tied her f… then b... her elbows than I took a g… from my c… I g…. behind her n… I hear … the m… the m…mmph.
I am a native frenchspeaker not an englishspeaker, so i might make some huge mistakes in grammar. Sorry

Re: Hesitations ( inspired from a novel from Dino Buzzati )

Postby jsherwood » Sun Nov 23, 2014 2:05 am

not easy to read.

Re: Hesitations ( inspired from a novel from Dino Buzzati )

Postby SelenaGfan » Sun Nov 23, 2014 4:35 am

jsherwood wrote:not easy to read.


I agree not easy to read and why the spaces at the end?

Re: Hesitations ( inspired from a novel from Dino Buzzati )

Postby jsherwood » Sun Nov 23, 2014 7:53 am

SelenaGfan wrote:
jsherwood wrote:not easy to read.


I agree not easy to read and why the spaces at the end?


guess it's google translate or something.

Re: Hesitations ( inspired from a novel from Dino Buzzati )

Postby Chapelier Fou/ Mad Hatter » Sun Nov 23, 2014 11:53 am

Well Dino Buzzati is Italian http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dino_Buzzati his way of seing the world is rather pessimistic, in "the Wind" it's the story of a man waiting his girlfriend and who is almost certain his girlfriend is deceiving him ( i"wont spoil the story any longer :mrgreen: ) and at the end of the story the wind is taking away some part of the words and thoughts.
The novel " the wind " is in some kind of collection called in frenc "le K" http://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Le_K

I feel sorry when someone suggests i haven't translate it by myself ' and i can assure it wasn't easy :bound: ), :roll:
Well here is the story in its original version ( french ) and thre is the link of the story http://www.jeuxdeliens.fr/viewtopic.php?f=12&t=1215

Je l'attendais au bord de la rivière, près de cette petite crique sur ma petite barque je savais qu'elle allait bientôt arriver j'en étais même sûr, elle se faisait attendre, je guettais son arrivée en écoutant le bruissement des feuilles. Se levant se couchant se tournant sans arrêt, le vent était à l'image de mes battements de coeur . Car aujourd'hui j'allais me jeter à l'eau, lui faire sentir la caresses des cordes sur son corps.
Comme toujours elle fut à mes côtés sans que je ne l'aie vu venir, comme si elle avait jailli de la terre ou plutôt de l'eau avec son sourire franc, elle est rayonnante. Et avec quelle aisance elle s'est hissée à bord avec son conteneur.

Mais dès que nos regards se sont croisés , elle devina immédiatement avec la diabolique intuition que les femmes possèdent que j'avais quelque code en tête.
Je n'étais pas vraiment sûr, elle n'en aurait sans doute pas envie d'essayer, elle ne ressentirait rien, ça la laisserait indifférente.

Je préférais me lancer dans les échanges sur les riens habituels, quelques anecdotes attachantes, je continuais de parler elle s'était allongée près de moi elle a compris.
<< Où allons nous ? >> demande-elle avec un calme.
Des ondes se formaient autour de ses doigts effleurants la surface.
<< Mais nulle part >> je lui réponds.
Et c'est vrai nous restions là car nous n'avions rien décidé, le vent soufflait, je pourrais le lui demander de lui attacher les poignets mais elle risquerait de me traiter de dérangé de me cracher au visage et ne plus jamais m'adresser la parole et il n'y aurait plus que le vent, non mieux vaut oublier tout ça.

<< Écoute un peu >> dit-elle en s'asseyant à côté de moi, il y a quelque chose de timide dans son visage.
J'avais peur de ce qu'elle allait dire, qu'elle aie tout découvert sur mes goûts.
Lui proposer quoi qu'elle garde les mains derrière le dos ? Elle allait me rejeter, ça lui avait peur, elle allait s'enfuir. Non s'il te plait ne dis rien.

Je me dominais, essayais de prendre un air détaché se préparer à la manière dont elle allait m'annoncer qu'elle me quittait.
<< Je voulais te dire, se lança t'elle, depuis un moment... >>
Mais une rafale de vent emporta la fin de la phrase.
<< Comment ? >>
Je jouais avec ses cheveux, l'air absorbé.
<< Tu sais, elle se refermait sur elle , des goûts des couleurs il ne faut pas discuter... >>
Que pouvais-je faire ? Qu'allait-je faire ? Me jeter sur elle et la ligoter, la bâillonner et la garder à la maison pour toujours ?
Non non non ça ne va pas du tout ! C'est de la complicité que je veux voir dans ses yeux pas de la peur !
<< Mon Dieu, suppliai-je lâchement en moi même, faites qu'elle me parle de la musique en voiture, du choix du programme à la télévision, qu'elle me tranquillise. >>
Mais elle était désormais lancée, elle glissait vers le précipice de la franchise.
<< Le bondage, me dit-elle après une longue pause, tu connais ?
- Oui >> Lui dis-je, le vent se mettait à hurler dans la crique.
<< Si elle m'en parle, pensais-je, cela signifie qu'elle ne m'aime plus, si elle m'aimait encore, elle n'aurait rien dis. Comment lui en vouloir ? C'est un oiseau qui voyage, les oiseaux n'aiment pas les ca....
-Et je ne sais pas trop comment te le demander.
-Demander quoi?
-Si tu voudrais bien m'a... >>
Elle sortit de son conteneur une cor... et me la présenta
<< Tu veux que je t'....
-Oui c'est ce que je veux >>
Je la prends dans mes bras et elle r...
Je la tenais, elle s'offrit. Son visage était ray...
Elle soupira:
<< Oui, e... >>
Ce fut tellement facile. J'attachai ses p... puis l... ses coudes puis j'ai pris un b... De mon c... l'ai b... derrière sa n... on entend ... le m... le m... mmmh.

Now here's the story by google traduction translated ( English Version)


I was waiting at the edge of the river, near the small cove on my little boat I knew she was going to happen soon I was even sure she was waiting, I watched his arrival listening to the rustling of leaves. Rising to bed without turning off, the wind was in the image of my heartbeats. Because today I was going to throw myself into the water, make him feel the caress of the ropes on his body.
As always she was with me before I only saw coming, as if it had sprung from the earth, or rather of the water with his frank smile, she is radiant. And the ease with which she has climbed on board with its container.

But as soon as our eyes met, she guessed immediately diabolical intuition that women have some code that I had in mind.
I was not really sure, it would have probably not want to try, it would not feel anything, it would leave indifferent.

I preferred to get into trading on the usual trifles, some endearing anecdotes, I continued to talk she was lying beside me she understood.
<< Where are we going? >> She asks with a calm.
Waves were forming around his fingers effleurants the surface.
<< >> But nowhere I reply.
And it's true we were staying there because we had decided nothing, the wind, I could ask him to tie his wrists but she could treat me bothered to spit in my face and never speak speech and there would be the wind, not better to forget all that.

<< >> Look a little she said, sitting down next to me, there was something shy in his face.
I was afraid of what she would say that she have discovered everything about my tastes.
Offer him whatever she keeps hands behind his back? She would reject me, that he was afraid she would run away. Not if it please do not say anything.

I dominais, trying to take casually prepare for the way she was going to tell me she was leaving me.
<< I wanted to say, she rushed you, in a while ... >>
But a gust of wind carried the end of the sentence.
<< How? >>
I played with her hair, the air absorbed.
<< You know, she was closing in on her, color tastes do not argue ... >>
What could I do? What would I do? I lay on it and tie, gag and keep at home forever?
No no no it does not! It's complicity I want to see in his eyes no fear!
<< My God, I begged loosely in myself, make it speaks to me of the music in the car, choice of program on television, she reassures me. >>
But she was now launched, it glided toward the precipice of the franchise.
<< Bondage, she said after a long pause, you know?
- Yes >> I told her, the wind began to howl in the creek.
<< If she talks to me, I thought, it means she does not love me, if she still loved me, she would say nothing. How to blame him? It's a bird who travels, birds do not like ca ....
-And I do not know how to ask.
-Ask What?
-If You would like me ... >>
She went out of its container and a cor ... presented me
<< You want me t '....
Yes that's what I want >>
I take her in my arms and she r ...
I held her, she offered. His face was ray ...
She sighed:
<< Yes, th ... >>
It was so easy. I tied her p ... then ... the elbows and then I took a b ... From my c ... have b ... behind her n ... means ... the m ... m ... hmm.

Please feel free to sugest some correction, i'm a frenchspeaker not a natural englishspeaker :quirk: cheers
I am a native frenchspeaker not an englishspeaker, so i might make some huge mistakes in grammar. Sorry

Re: Hesitations ( inspired from a novel from Dino Buzzati )

Postby xtc » Sun Nov 23, 2014 12:55 pm

How about someone offering to do a sub-ed? That might be a bit more supportive.
Boxer shorts are cool,
but little speedos rule!

More by the same author: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=22729

Re: Hesitations ( inspired from a novel from Dino Buzzati )

Postby Chapelier Fou/ Mad Hatter » Sun Nov 23, 2014 1:06 pm

What do you mean by sub-ed ? oh you mean a sub editor, well why not cheers , i've got a friend who i a translator but he is most of the time in the moon ? Any volunteers ? Image I would like to improve my skills in english
I am a native frenchspeaker not an englishspeaker, so i might make some huge mistakes in grammar. Sorry