Vector5227 wrote:[Fetlife is n]ot a very helpful site...
It can be if you use it correctly (and you don't live in the middle of nowhere). Look for groups devoted to your interests and participate. More importantly, look for groups that have announcements for munches and events in your area. True, you won't have much luck if you live in rural Kansas. But many large (and even medium sized) cities have munches where people can meet at a restaurant and socialize and get to know each other face to face. Large cities may have play spaces. A couple of weeks ago I went to a dungeon in Baltimore. I played briefly with one young woman, and would have played with another if there had been another hour in the evening. There is a good chance we will do something the next time I am up there, in mid-December.
OK Cupid is a general dating site, but it has kink-related questions and lets you search for women who might be compatible.
BTW, maybe you shouldn't be so quick to dismiss those 50-year-old women! For one thing, if you're looking for a domme, they probably have a lot more experience than most of the ones your age. Some of them are cougars who go for much younger men. Check out The Cougar Den group on Fetlife; it has over 10,000 members. And many of them are still quite attractive (and under 50) - though I have always found that if I click with a woman mentally, looks really don't matter. If you're willing to be open to the possibilities, you might just have an amazing experience.