“I hope the Sarlaccian tea is to your liking, Senator?†Nute Gunray oozed. “It takes over ten seasons to harvest the spices that give the tea such a succulent or rather Sarlaccant flavor,†boosted Gunray, taking a savorful sip of the steaming beverage.
“MMMPPPPHHH!†protested Padme, tightly cleave gagged and strapped to the X post of durasteel. “My apologies,†Gunray mocked. “I forgot, you’re rather ‘tied up’ at the moment.†“Mmmpphh,†responded padme angrily. “Well at least you can enjoy the smell,†Gunray offered, holding the steaming cup of tea up to the senator’s nose.
“MMMUUGGHH!†Padme responsed, wrinkling her nose in distaste. “Oh well,†Nute stated, resigned to the fact that Sarlaccian tea wasn’t to everyone’s taste. The nemodian was seated at a cargo container made into a makeshift table in between the senator and that annoying twilek jedi. He set his cup back on the container and took a nibble of the tasty Alderaanian pasty laid before him.
“Is the shuttle ready yet?†he asked the droid sergeant who was serving a dual role as a waiter holding a teapot and ready to serve in whatever capacity.
“Soon, sir,†chirped the sergeant. “Good,†Nute responded, I can’t wait to get off this frozen rock pile of a planet.†But all in all, Gunray was in a good mood. The mission was a success; he had the adegan crystals, the explosives were set, and most importantly, Senator Amidala and the twilek were his helpless captives. What could go better?
Gunray’s question was answered by a commotion at the cavern entrance. Battle droids scampered as a tall, imposing metallic entity made his presence known.
“DURGE! What are YOU doing here?†explained Gunray, rising up so suddenly he spilled his tea all over his robes.
“Viceroy Gunray, Count Dooku thought I could be of assistance to your eminence,†the bounty hunter boomed, carrying a HUGE Blastek rifle.
“First Ventress, now this!†Gunray protested.
“I feel you will find my appearance here more agreeable when you see what I have brought you.†Durge pulled on a cord he was trailing and the battered visage of Yoda emerged, floating helpless within the blue energy of a beam projector. “Count Dooku thought you might need the help. And as soon as I landed, lo and beyond, what should I find but this jedi. After a heroic effort on my part, if I do say so myself, I emerged the victor.
NO PLEASE NO, thought padme, looking on in absolute despair. Aalya had regained consciousness and strained mightily at her bonds, trying with all her heart to get free and come to the jedi master’s aid. Her efforts failed and her eyes watered up with grief.
“Ah, marvelous,†the viceroy beamed He just imagined what praise and reward would be lavished on him by Count Dooku when he found out that he, Viceroy Nute Gunray, had personally captured the great jedi master, Yoda, himself!
“Uh, there was an annoyingly chatty protocol droid, as well,†Gunray remembered. “What of him?â€
“The droid put up a valiant and brave fight,†Durge eulogized . “ I deactivated him.â€
“Excellent,†Gunray congratulated. “Place the diminutive jedi master with his dear lady jedi and the senator.†Yoda gave padme and aalya a weary and brave look of reassurance to keep their hopes up but the two women were hard put to join in his hope. Things were looking their most bleak.
“Excuse me, sir,†a battle droid approached Gunray. “Message from Count Dooku†the holonet activated and Count Dooku’s imposing form filled the room.
“Count Dooku, wonderful news!†Gunray bragged. “I have managed to capture Yoda… and Durge helped a little†he added, deciding to be generous and throw the bounty hunter a bone.
“Durge?†wondered Dooku, perplexed. “I didn’t send Durge.â€
“Wha…†began Gunray when the bounty hunter’s mask clanked to the ground, revealing the familiar face of a certain protocol droid.
“OH DEAR!†3PO exclaimed
“USE YOUR BLASTER,†exhorted Yoda, giving the women a wink. As battle droids rushed to surround 3PO, the golden droid lifted the immensely heavy and powerful blaster and pulled the trigger. Blaster bolts filled the cavern like wild wombats as 3PO fired every which way, the blaster jumping spasticly in his twitchy metal hands. Battle droids were taken down left and the right and the ones still functioning were frantically running to and fro in panic.
“Think it best to cover we seek,†Yoda said, deactivating the beam projector with a flick of his mind and freeing padme and aalya of their bonds with a mere sweep of his hand.
“Master yoda, I should have never doubted you,†padme beamed, giving Yoda her best mischievous smirk. “I should have known that the most formidable opponent in the galaxy is… a protocol droid with a blaster.â€
“DROID SERGEANT!†Gunray yelled, cowering in the corner. “DO SOMETHING!â€
The droid sergeant, who was cowering in the corner with him, depressed the stud on his arm, sending in the destroyer droids.
Twelve destroyer droids immediately surrounded 3PO, their shields rasied and their blaster cannons trained on him.
“OH DEAR ME!†3PO shrieked “I SURRENDER!†he said, abruptly raising his blaster, but in sheer panic and fear his finger jerked on the trigger. Laser shots peppered the ceiling, bringing down huge stalactites… directly ONTO the heads of the destroyer droids. The multi-ton stone daggers easily punctured the destroyers’ shields, impaling the droids and ripping them in half. The remaining droids scampered to avoid the rock missiles, crab walking into one another in the tight quarters. Their shields collided and then…overloaded. The de-stabilized shield energy caused a chain reaction of explosions that took out their remaining ranks, their innards becoming deadly shrapnel that plowed through a platoon of chameleon droids that had just decloaked.
Soon, a deathly silence pervaded the room and when the smoke cleared, only ONE droid was left standing- C3PO!
Nute Gunray looked up from his hiding place to see padme, aalya and yoda staring down on him, the jedi master standing on a crate to give him the proper height advantage.
“I GIVE UP! The viceroy pleaded, wringing his hands. “Why, viceroy, you say the sweetest things,†padme smirked.
“Mistress padme, mistress padme, are you alright?†C3PO inquired, hurriedly walking towards the senator in his awkward stiff manner, servo motors in overdrive.
“Alright? 3PO I’m WONDERFUL! MY HERO! She declared, planting a big kiss on C3PO's cheek. "OH MY!" the droid declared, steam, rising out of his neck joints!