Houdini Dream by James Elusinius
Doug and Scott were having a coffee with their friend Ashcan, the talking
recovering alcoholic lion.
Doug had recently had a dream that he wanted Ashcan to interpret. The lion
was famous for parsing dreams, signs and portents.
The first thing the boys asked Ashcan about was about a homeless woman
who accosted them on the way to the coffee shop.
“She asked us if we were sons of Adam” said Scott. “Do you know any
sons of Adam?” asked the boy. Ashcan replied by saying “Doesn’t ring a
bell. I’ve met a few too many sons of bitches though!”
After the boys got through chuckling at this, Doug told Ashcan about his
dream.
“It started in the Union meeting hall” began Doug. The boy described
how he was doing an escape trick for the Brotherhood of Bound and
Gagged Boys and Hobbled Hostages. “I was a union organizer!”
Doug was performing a dangerous escape trick that had daunted even
the great Houdini. He was to be chained up and gagged and hung
upside down in a water tank.
He described how he had Little Mark do the honors with the
restraints and gag. Mark had shown an unusual skill and dexterity
imprisoning Doug in his bonds,
Little Mark had especially prepared a bandage gag that the little
scamp had spelled out “Bourgeoisie Oppression” as “Burgwazie
Oppresshun.” Ashcan smiled at this.
Doug had said that since he was doing an under water escape,
all he was wearing was a pair of red racing swim trunks with
the letters IWW on the backside.
“Does that have something to do with the internet?” asked
Doug. Ashcan scratched his mane and said Hmm. Coukld
be.”
After Little Mark inserted the gag in Doug’s mouth, the
boy was lowered into the tank by Mike Houston’s cousins
Digby Dallas and Andy Austin. Doug had only a few minutes
to escape.!
Doug was up to the task. Suddenly acquiring a dexterity
and skill he had scarcely imagined, the plucky boy began
to extract himself from his deadly fetters. He then released
himself from the apparatus holding him in the tank.
Doug then described how he climbed down the tank,
dripping wet. He then removed the gag from his mouth.
When he unwound it from his mouth, he displayed it to the
audience in the union hall. The message on it had magically
changed to “Solidarity forever!” The crowd cheered!
“We all started singing union song like Union Maid and Peat
Bog Soldiers. I even did a solo with the Joe Hill song”
related Doug proudly. Ashcan was impressed.
“So then what happened?” asked Ashcan. Doug then
described how Mike Houghton requested that he sing
Over the Rainbow from the Wizard of Oz.
Being an amiable lad Doug agreed. The audience liked
it, but after Doug sang it, something strange happened.
Mike told Doug “You know that Judy suffered don’t
you?” Doug agreed. But after Doug nodded his assent,
Mike Houghton and his pals grabbed Doug and took him
outside to some nearby railroad tracks, and bound him fast
to them! After tying Doug down, Mike told Doug "Judy
suffered so now its your turn!"
“I bet Mike Houghton was a Pinkerton or a railroad
dick!” said Ashcan angrily. “I don’t know about the
railroad but I know he’s the other part.” said Scott.
Doug then described how he struggled on the railroad
tracks in vain. Suddenly he spotted a train coming!
The train was fast approaching. All the Houghtons,
Houstons and other miscreants were on the train.
They were all singing “On the Aitcheson, Topeka and
the Santa Fe!
“So then what happened?” asked Ashcan, clearly
on edge.
“Well” said Doug, “Just as the train was about to run
me over, a giant shaving cream mushroom cloud
erupted!”
“Shaving cream ?” puzzled Ashcan. “Shaving cream ?”
said an amazed Scott.
“Shaving cream,
be nice and clean,
shave every day and you’ll always look keen!”
sang the trio.
“No seriously Ashcan. What does this mean? asked
Doug sincerely.
Ashcan pondered for a few minutes and then said
“Well Doug, I think this means that…” But before
the lion could complete his sentence, he was interrupted
by a rather impudent barking collie dog.
It was Lassie! Ashcan listened to the dog’s
barks and knew something was wrong.
Doug was frustrated. He really wanted to know
the meaning of his dream! “Has Timmy fallen
down the freaking well again?” said the boy bitterly.
“I’m afraid that its worse then that.” said Ashcan
Timmy’s fallen off the wagon again! I have to do an
intervention.”
The boys understood. Timmy was one mean kid when he was
liquored up. Besides Ashcan was a member of AA and he took
his obligation to help other recovering alcoholics seriously.
The boys parted company with Ashcan.
They would get back with Ashcan after Timmy was sobered up.
Besides, Doug was going to help Scott get ready for that
night’s oration festival. Scott was going to recite Barry
Goldwater’s speech to the 1964 Republican convention
while doing somersaults in a pair of metallic gold swim
trunks.
It would all be topped off by Little Mark and Chris Rogers
juggling flashlights to Katchurian’s Fire Dance!
End.