## Scared of self

Post by Boocola » Sat Oct 01, 2016 2:45 am

Is there anybody here that's afraid of what they are capable of?
Given the question I give an example, my sister started throwing punches at me with her friends cheering her on , whlie I was blocking I didn't plan on doing anything, but as soon as I cleared, I tossed her over my shoulder without thinking about it, that freaked me out, I was 16.
Another example I was 18 my sister threw soda at my glasses I tossed them on the kitchen floor behind me, she started throwing punches at me I stepped on my glasses spun around she still kept throwing punches at me, once I got on the carpet, I tossed her over my shoulder, backing up, my dad was complaining about soda on his couch, my sister threatened to have me arrested, my dad said not without a witness, he's not.
When my sister was pregnant with my nephew she attacked me a year earlier I used the first fight as an example to get her to stop punching me saying I'm not going to fight back I didn't want my instincts hurting her or my nephew.

### Re: Scared of self

Post by xtc » Sat Oct 01, 2016 3:09 am

Hi, Boocola. You accidentally posted this twice. I have removed the copy.
Boxer shorts are cool,
but little speedos rule!
More by the same author: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=22729

### Re: Scared of self

Post by Boocola » Sat Oct 01, 2016 4:04 am

Thank you

### Re: Scared of self

Post by Boocola » Sat Oct 01, 2016 4:37 pm

LMAO

### Re: Scared of self

Post by Jason Toddman » Sat Oct 01, 2016 5:34 pm

> SilentAlarmBNG wrote:I'd me more afraid of your sister than yourself.

That's precisely what I was thinking. Sounds like it was self defense each time. Now, if you went around judo tossing her for no reason that would be different, but this? Sounds like your sister is the abusive sort. You didn't state if she was younger or older but if older than doubly she was the one at fault. Whether or not the father is in the picture,I worry most about how she treats your nephew.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

### Re: Scared of self

Post by Boocola » Sat Oct 01, 2016 6:48 pm

My sister is 18 months younger then me, she was in a tagging crew back then, she got out when my nephew was born, my nephew's father went to prison eight months before he was born.
I love my sister even when she was fighting me, one time she kicked my groin three times I wrestler her to the ground trapped her in a cradle until she gave up.

### Re: Scared of self

Post by Lake Lover » Sun Oct 02, 2016 3:19 am

I don't know what motivates your sister, but if she attacks you once more you should tell her it is time she becomes a good example for her child and you absolutely do not want her to attack you again. Those actions will taint the child for life.

### Re: Scared of self

Post by Jason Toddman » Sun Oct 02, 2016 4:30 am

I don't want to sound mean but it sounds to me your sister has some major issues and needs counseling or therapy.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

### Re: Scared of self

Post by Mmph Squad » Sun Oct 02, 2016 5:31 am

Yeah if you restrain someone who is hurting you without hurting them, I think it's clear you're being the bigger person and negotiating the situation pretty well.
To tie or be tied? I'm not one to care as long as there are gags!

### Re: Scared of self

Post by Boocola » Sun Oct 02, 2016 5:30 pm

My sister was raped by a man that I never trusted, I remember that day, drew a comic book about it, took me fifteen years to realize what happened that day, I got home from school, I had to use the restroom, the ice cream monster,(he delivers ice cream), I saw him pushing away from a wall, with a picture frame swinging on the wall, I had to use the restroom, I walked through the kitchen, heard someone taking a shower, I knocked on the door and asked my sister when she was going to get out she said she was almost done, when she got out I went to the restroom, while I focused on my aim, I heard a door slam shut, I didn't investigate it, after finishing up, I went back to my room, read star wars heir to the empire, forgot about the door slamming until I heard it again, this time I went to see what it was, my sister was crying in her room, I asked her if she was okay, she cried out telling me to leave her alone, I was still dealing with my mental disability, so I thought it was something else, two years later, I found out that he raped my sister his daughter, my step mother and slept with his son, If my sister told me what happened I would have done something to the ice cream monster that I would have to live with.
Last edited by Boocola on Mon Oct 03, 2016 2:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

### Re: Scared of self

Post by MisterTheEdge » Mon Oct 03, 2016 3:51 am

If you can throw people without thinking, I think you are just fine. Being thrown can hurt depending on the fall and landing, but it is a defensive maneuver that is meant to stun without much physical impact on your part and it less violent. If you were to punch her in the throat without thinking, then I'd worry about your own violence against others.
Mister The Edge
Give me a hell yes!
http://www.11thprincipleconsent.org

### Re: Scared of self

Post by Boocola » Mon Oct 03, 2016 10:53 am

Handstrikes, I can control, when I block, my instincts uses the momentum of my attacker.

### Re: Scared of self

Post by MisterTheEdge » Mon Oct 03, 2016 11:38 am

Good instincts!
Mister The Edge
Give me a hell yes!
http://www.11thprincipleconsent.org

### Re: Scared of self

Post by Jason Toddman » Mon Oct 03, 2016 12:57 pm

> Boocola wrote:My sister was raped my a man that I never trusted...

And you didn't share that rather relevant detail before, because?...
That would at least tend to explain her violent tendencies, perhaps towards males in general. The fact that she had a boyfriend who wound up in prison could in fact be related to this. Sounds to me even more important that she get therapy to deal with her issues if she has not had any already. i just hope she's not the type who would take her aggressions out on her own son. Whether you think she is capable of such or not, it sounds to me like this would be a matter of grave concern.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

### Re: Scared of self

Post by Boocola » Mon Oct 03, 2016 1:41 pm

She is not like this now, Tasha, my sister is married she has four kids, two kids are adults, my nephew has a daughter with his girlfriend, her other two kids are under 5 years old, now she helps me financially.
This thread was never about her it's about the demon living inside of me, she helped me realize that I can't control it, so I took precautions to control it, Now I can't live without my demon. I wanted to know if anyone else had the same problem.

### Re: Scared of self

Post by Boocola » Mon Oct 03, 2016 4:34 pm

> SilentAlarmBNG wrote:

Really...really...reeallly...REALLY.

### Re: Scared of self

Post by Jason Toddman » Mon Oct 03, 2016 8:38 pm

> Boocola wrote:She is not like this now, Tasha, my sister is married she has four kids, two kids are adults, my nephew has a daughter with his girlfriend, her other two kids are under 5 years old, now she helps me financially.
> This thread was never about her it's about the demon living inside of me, she helped me realize that I can't control it, so I took precautions to control it, Now I can't live without my demon. I wanted to know if anyone else had the same problem.

Well, as long as that demon doesn't make you turn all green and muscular and start throwing cars and tanks around, it's probably manageable. In any case, assuming you do not go around starting fights or otherwise picking on people yourself, i don't really see the problem here. what you describe so far sounds common enough, so i don't know what you mean by the demon living inside of you. Assuming you are not trying to be literal, everyone has a dark side to them they keep hidden from everyone else. That's what we call acting civilized; the operative word being acting.
If you really think there is literally a demon living inside of you on the other hand... well... then your very sanity is in serious question.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

### Re: Scared of self

Post by Boocola » Mon Oct 03, 2016 9:43 pm

This is becoming to personal, let's just say I've had the same mentally since I was a kid, I had to do something or I would be kid living in a man's body, my instincts help me my mind grow and yes I do have an alter ego to help with being an adult. I can also mimic people I meet. Now with the internet I can meet people from around the world.
It's great for telling stories

### Re: Scared of self

Post by Jason Toddman » Tue Oct 04, 2016 7:12 am

> Boocola wrote:This is becoming to personal, let's just say I've had the same mentally since I was a kid, I had to do something or I would be kid living in a man's body, my instincts help me my mind grow and yes I do have an alter ego to help with being an adult. I can also mimic people I meet. Now with the internet I can meet people from around the world.
> It's great for telling stories

Well, that's not too unusual for creative people I guess. I often mentally (in my head only) roleplay being someone else - usually some kind of scifi or fantasy person - either for writing new stories about them or simply passing the time. It's harmless as long as one always knows it's actually pretend. It's when the person seriously forgets it's not pretend that it can be a problem.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

### Re: Scared of self

Post by Boocola » Tue Oct 04, 2016 12:07 pm

Yeah I know, I create my characters in video games, I write stories about them, It all started when I was a kid using my imagination to rescue a princess like in the legend of Zelda, it sort of grew grew from that into science fiction stories from star wars, flying the fighter to rescue the princess, soon I thought why can't she escape by herself and just fly in the pick her up

### Re: Scared of self

Post by Boocola » Tue Oct 04, 2016 12:51 pm

Attachments

### Re: Scared of self

Post by Boocola » Wed Oct 05, 2016 1:01 am

Quick question, how many think I should have let my sister beat me up, not blocked her attacks, just become a vegetable.

### Re: Scared of self

Post by Jason Toddman » Wed Oct 05, 2016 6:16 am

> Boocola wrote:Quick question, how many think I should have let my sister beat me up, not blocked her attacks, just become a vegetable.

Maybe you should create a poll based on that, but personally from what you have described your reaction was quite balanced; neither too passive nor too aggressive. You merely defended yourself without - from what I can tell - using more force then necessary. Imo had you let her hit you without any resistance; it's likely she would simply have attacked you more often than she actually did. Likely much more often - and probably more viciously too. Bullies and abusers are like that, and whatever her excuses or reasons it sounds to me like she was being one or both of those.
Is there a reason for this soul-searching? One gets the idea you feel guilty about something; perhaps a detail you left out. I say this because you sound like you are blaming yourself for something. I used to blame myself for my brother committing suicide, even though the actual reason had nothing to do with me. People often blame themselves for something that they have no control over, and i just wonder if something similar is going on here.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

### Re: Scared of self

Post by Boocola » Wed Oct 05, 2016 2:21 pm

Your right, I do feel guilty, guilty that I survived the car accident that left a scar behind my left ear, two broken legs, crushed lungs and a speech problem, I feel guilty that my cousin's friend got murdered instead of me, if I can save just one life it will make the hell I'm going through worth it.