## The average senior year girl... [FF/m]

Post by Mudkipp » Tue Nov 02, 2010 9:03 pm

[Prior note: The original post was edited, so ignore the first 6ish comments, it was about my skill in the English language]
Evelyn, my classmate, had just text-ed me to come online on msn with the excuse of her being bored. So I fired up my laptop and sat down behind my desk.
We were always talking about the most random things over the chat, basically simply being good friends. Instantly when my laptop had finished the starting up process a chat window popped up:
[Evelyn]: Finally! That took you a while...
A small smile formed on my face, I had always liked the way she talked. She had this tone of dominance in her voice and had an amazing talent of transferring that tone into her writings.
[Me]: Sorry! You know my laptop is slow... So your bored eh?
[Evelyn]: Yes I am, any cool ideas?
[Me]: Actually....
[Me]: No.
[Evelyn]: Pfff..
[Evelyn]: Hey! I'm home alone, why don't you come hang out here! we could watch a movie or something.
Go over to her house? My mind pondered the question while my eyes found her display picture. Evelyn was one of the few good looking girls in my senior years class. The red and black jacked she had recently bought in full attention. The top button loose revealing her chest just enough to get a glimpse of her necklace. Her dark hairs spiralled down her neck in light curls untill they met the same red and black jacket. She looked stunning.
And yet she was asking Me, of all her friends, to come over and watch a movie with her?
[Evelyn]: Well?
My mind snapped out of it's thoughts, confusion.
[Me]: Well, I don't know..
[Evelyn]: You don't know? After all the time we've friends, you're not scared rite?
[Me]: Of course not!
I immediately wrote back to her. Of course I'm not scared. Am I?
[Evelyn]: Perfect! then I'll see you in 30 minutes!
[System]: Evelyn has logged off.
I silently cursed myself for being such a coward, I was going to watch a movie with a friend. That's all! Evelyn lived just 3 streets away from my house so I cleared up my mind and rolled my bicycle out of the garage, starting to cycle towards her house. Within sixty seconds I had arrived at the front door, "Just a movie, with a friend" I repeated a dozen times in my mind while I locked my bike. "Why am I scared? I don't like her do I? not like that.."
"Just a second!" I heard a voice say through the door, Evelyn must of seen me coming as I hadn't even dared touch the doorbell yet. She pulled the door open and slipped back up the stairs which were directly next to the door. "Come in!, Just changing real quick!" I heard her shout down the stairs. Slowly I made my way inside, shutting the door behind me, which immediately fell back into it's lock.
There I stood, trapped, my eyes scanning the new environment. "Trapped? what was I thinking, this isn't a serial killers house or something". Something about Evelyn made me nervous, or insecure. "I like her, don't I?". Ohh, I could kill myself!
"Ehm, ok.." I replied to her politely while waiting in the hallway.
The sound of Evelyn walking across the wooden floor upstairs was echoing down the hallway sometimes followed by a low giggle, why was she giggling? I got confused again, she was home alone wasn't she?
"Ok, you can come up now!" She yelled down the stairs. I shook the cobwebs from my mind and slowly made my way upstairs. The stairway lead into another small hall with five different doors, but one caught my eye immediately. "Evelyn" It said with a little sign. After three polite knocks, I entered her room.
Last edited by Mudkipp on Thu Nov 04, 2010 9:48 pm, edited 5 times in total.

### Re: And it all started as a dare... [FF/m]

Post by Opinionated » Wed Nov 03, 2010 11:40 am

Welcome to our page!
I am certain you will not only find the rules but more than that, English speaking folk who know your language too.
Please give us your email address so we can write directly to you to help you.
Ask too if you can have our email addresses.
I am not certain but I am guessing it isn't against the rules to post here in your language. Will someone please confirm that.
You will find help translating at -
http://www.altavista.com
where you see: Babel Fish translation tool
I have used Babel Fish before. I hope it will help.
Good luck!
Now, will other English speakers join me in helping this person?
"Sometimes in quiet desperation you realize it's never gonna be the way it was." - Carole King
"You've just been lonely too long." - Carly Simon

### Re: And it all started as a dare... [FF/m]

Post by xtc » Wed Nov 03, 2010 1:24 pm

By all means post. Your English seems to be no worse than that of some of the rest of ours! Beware using translators like Babelfish. I use it myself but I always translate the phrases back into English afterwards to make sure that there has been no mis-translation.
Even better, when I needed my Dutch language checked, the fine Chris12 checked it over for me and Likho has been trusting enough to ask me to check out his excellent, lively writing.
May I suggest that you let us know your native language. Perhaps someone with an understanding of it might be able to offer support.
Oh yes,
Welcome.
xtc
Boxer shorts are cool,
but little speedos rule!
More by the same author: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=22729

### Re: And it all started as a dare... [FF/m]

Post by xtc » Wed Nov 03, 2010 1:47 pm

PS The long-suffering Jason Toddman also checks out my American language!
Wassail!
xtc
Boxer shorts are cool,
but little speedos rule!
More by the same author: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=22729

### Re: And it all started as a dare... [FF/m]

Post by Mudkipp » Wed Nov 03, 2010 2:58 pm

Hey,
I wasn't trying to post in my native language, I was merely excusing myself for the fact that my English won't be perfect.
The story is almost done and I will post it up here, probably tonight, so you guys can read it!

### Re: And it all started as a dare... [FF/m]

Post by Opinionated » Wed Nov 03, 2010 4:04 pm

"Your English seems to be no worse than that of some of the rest of ours!"
-- should have been obvious to me xtc; I'm sorry.
"Beware using translators like Babelfish. I use it myself but I always translate the phrases back into English afterwards to make sure that there has been no mis-translation."
-- I hear you. The little bit of German in which I'm versed makes it crucial to translate back to English what was translated out. The translation tool itself exhorts the user to put what's being converted to into as near as correct the structure and syntax apparent, by idiom and otherwise, what is peculiar to its destination.
"May I suggest that you let us know your native language."
-- yepper
Thank you xtc !
"Sometimes in quiet desperation you realize it's never gonna be the way it was." - Carole King
"You've just been lonely too long." - Carly Simon

### Re: The average senior year girl... [FF/m]

Post by Mudkipp » Thu Nov 04, 2010 2:24 am

Posted a small piece of my story in the original post.
I hope you like it as my writing style might differ from the ones I've seen here, and there for posting a small piece to see if you guys like it!
Feedback please! (Also grammar checks if needed so!)
P.s my native language is Dutch & Irish

### Re: The average senior year girl... [FF/m]

Post by Jason Toddman » Thu Nov 04, 2010 6:42 am

Just two thngs:
1. To xtc: No suffering involved. It's been a pleasure to help you with the relatively few times you've actually asked for my help on relatively mnor points. You give the inaccurate impression to others though that you've occupied a great deal of my time, which is hardly the case.
2. What's all the flap about translation? Presumably the original post has already been modified before I saw it, because it is perfectly understandable to me with no need for translation. Too bad it wasn't left intact though, because now there's no basis of comparison. Anyway, so far so good Mudkipp; please keep going with the story.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

### Re: The average senior year girl... [FF/m]

Post by Z » Thu Nov 04, 2010 8:06 am

> Jason Toddman wrote:Just two thngs:
> 1. To xtc: No suffering involved. It's been a pleasure to help you with the relatively few times you've actually asked for my help on relatively mnor points. You give the inaccurate impression to others though that you've occupied a great deal of my time, which is hardly the case.
> 2. What's all the flap about translation? Presumably the original post has already been modified before I saw it, because it is perfectly understandable to me with no need for translation. Too bad it wasn't left intact though, because now there's no basis of comparison. Anyway, so far so good Mudkipp; please keep going with the story.

The first post was originally just Mudkipp talking about how he was going to write the story and he was worried about his translations (or something like that) He then went back and edited the first post with this story exactly how you see it now.

### Re: The average senior year girl... [FF/m]

Post by Jason Toddman » Thu Nov 04, 2010 8:47 am

Oh. Okay. Thanks for the heads-up, Z. At my age I start to worry that I missed something that should have been obvious, I guess.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

### Re: The average senior year girl... [FF/m]

Post by xtc » Thu Nov 04, 2010 9:11 am

FaÃ®lte.
Don't worry about your writing not being in the style we're used to. It would be boring in the extreme if all the stories on this site were written in the same style.
Please continue as soon as you are ready; it's very entertaining so far.
Wassail!
xtc
Boxer shorts are cool,
but little speedos rule!
More by the same author: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=22729

### Re: The average senior year girl... [FF/m]

Post by Chase Ricks » Thu Nov 04, 2010 10:40 am

Even I agree it is the way the writer puts their thoughts or memories into detail is better then always worrying if they spelled things wrong the first time. That is what spellcheck and dictionaries are for. Please continue.
From whence I came and whence I went heaven said I was too evil and sent me to hell. Demons and devils succeeded in breaking my soul.

### Re: The average senior year girl... [FF/m]

Post by Mudkipp » Thu Nov 04, 2010 9:45 pm

Updated it with a small piece. keep in mind this is basicly my first story ever haha.

### Re: The average senior year girl... [FF/m]

Post by xtc » Fri Nov 05, 2010 2:13 am

I like it!
May I suggest, however, that you post replies in the same strand rather than editing the original post. I know editing leaves a nice, tidy story but I'm not sure if it will show up as a new post. It would be a pity if readers (or at least I) missed out on your storytelling on account of this.
Wassail!
xtc
Boxer shorts are cool,
but little speedos rule!
More by the same author: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=22729

### Re: The average senior year girl... [FF/m]

Post by Mudkipp » Fri Nov 05, 2010 2:24 am

I like to keep it in once piece for an nice and easy read, I can keep the people updated with a simple reply which notes that i've added a new piece.

### Re: The average senior year girl... [FF/m]

Post by xtc » Fri Nov 05, 2010 2:41 am

Fair enough, thank you.
Boxer shorts are cool,
but little speedos rule!
More by the same author: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=22729

### Re: The average senior year girl... [FF/m]

Post by Opinionated » Fri Nov 05, 2010 6:32 am

Please someone, what is a mudkip? Showing stupidity here.
"Sometimes in quiet desperation you realize it's never gonna be the way it was." - Carole King
"You've just been lonely too long." - Carly Simon

### Re: The average senior year girl... [FF/m]

Post by linkedin » Fri Nov 05, 2010 9:20 am

Haha i wouldn't worry too much opinionated, its a Pokemon and an online sensation for some bizarre reason.
Also please continue this story