## David's Punishment

Post by Jay Feely » Thu Jul 08, 2010 12:16 am

In the city of Houston, Texas lives a boy named David. He was considered to be a brat to his sister Andrea and Nicki. He would always sneak in their room, and make a mess of their clothing. David was 16 and has not matured at all, and neither his parents nor his sisters could discipline him. David was about to learn the hard way that messing with people would lead to dire consequences.
At Thanksgiving, David ate well, and then walked to his room to play videogames. He immersed himself into the game, that he hardly noticed anything else. His sister Andrea calmly walked into his room, and tackled his brother. Now David was strong, as he managed to regain control and escape from her grasp, but he was grabbed from behind by Nicki. Nicki twisted her brother's arm behind his back, causing extruiating pain to the point where he simply surrendered to the girls. Andrea had discovered a bag full of rope and several handcuffs in the basement, and had brought them up to David's Room. She quickly bound David's hands behind his back. He was ordered to march to the Girl's room. To prevent escape, each girl held one of David's hands, and even threatened to punch him in the guts should he not behave. David complied, and prompty marched to his Sister's room. The Sisters shoveled David into the room, and closed the door
Andrea then untied David's hands, but not before ordering him to sit down on a chair. David refused, and tried to escape through the door, but he found that it was locked, and he was forced back into the chair, where Andrea tied David's hands behind his back, and Nicki tied David's ankles to the legs of the chair. David was unable to move an inch through his sister's tying.
Then, David screamed, when he noticed that his sisters had got out their make up kit. Andrea used nail polish to paint David's toes pink. Nicki used blush on David's checks and applied lipstick. Andrea added some masura and even some eye shadow. David was stunned when he looked into the mirror to see a girly side of him. The girls weren't quite finished though, as they took pleasure in teasing their brother throughout the day.
David was reluctant to bully his sisters again, after he was untied six hours later. He became a gentlemen to his Sister's plan to rehabilate David. However, this would not last, as David would once again return to his evil side six months later. Keep tuned for more stories about David later on. Hope that you enjoyed this story, and let me know how to improve it or give me feedback.
You will have to subdue me to restrain me. I been a bad boy so make sure you torture me too with anything but pain.

### Re: David's Punishment

Post by ducttapeboy001 » Thu Jul 08, 2010 2:36 am

The plot and the story is good, but the way you wrote is not much appealing, you should have written it in first person, where you are david, then it would have been more imersive for the reader.
I suggest you continue in first person.
it makes me GLaD, Im not you
And believe me Im still alive
Im doing TUGs and Im still alive.
I feel fantastic and Im stilll alive
You'd be EVIL if you're GLaD

### Re: David's Punishment

Post by OverLooker » Thu Jul 08, 2010 4:19 am

it was a good story but they sould have gagged him
"Mmmmppphhhhhhh"

### Re: David's Punishment

Post by Jason Toddman » Thu Jul 08, 2010 5:36 am

My only real criticism is that you rushed through the story as is if it were a hiomework assignment you wanted to get over and done with rather than something you thought of as a pleasure to write. A story generally is only as much fun for someone to read as it apparently was for the author to write. Take your time with stories like this; give it all the details it needs (such as how people are feeling when something is happening) and you'll have a story that gets only positive feedback and may be read over and over again for years.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

### Re: David's Punishment

Post by Jay Feely » Sun Aug 01, 2010 2:01 pm

> Jason Toddman wrote:My only real criticism is that you rushed through the story as is if it were a hiomework assignment you wanted to get over and done with rather than something you thought of as a pleasure to write. A story generally is only as much fun for someone to read as it apparently was for the author to write. Take your time with stories like this; give it all the details it needs (such as how people are feeling when something is happening) and you'll have a story that gets only positive feedback and may be read over and over again for years.

Thank you for your piece of advice. I will take my time with my next story.
You will have to subdue me to restrain me. I been a bad boy so make sure you torture me too with anything but pain.

### Re: David's Punishment

Post by Jason Toddman » Sun Aug 01, 2010 2:08 pm

I'm glad someone takes my comments as well meant. A different attempt with someone else today was far less well received.
Good lick with your stories; I look forward to reading more of them.
BTW this story brings back memories; the same thing happened to me - more than once - only it was George's sister who did it to me. I'll tell that story eventually.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...