## Best way to get over an ex?

Post by SephySJ » Thu Dec 06, 2012 3:35 am

A friend of mine is having a lot of trouble getting over his old girlfriend. They were pretty close but she didn't feel the same way about him that he did about her, and he's been pretty down ever since. On the one hand, he's using his time to better himself; hitting the gym, learning a new language, stuff like that. I think he's going to try and win her back though. He told me she's going to France for 6 months, and I think he reckons if he's changed when she gets back then they can start over. I know that's probably a mistake, and I told him he'd be over her in 6 months anyway, but he seems really in love, and I don't want to be that guy who tells him to just get over it, because I know from personal experience break ups are never easy.
So I was wondering if any of you have any tips I could give him? Should he abandon all contact, stop trying to be friends with her and seek out other women? Or should he give trying to get her back a shot? Do any of you have similar stories? And how did you handle it?

### Re: Best way to get over an ex?

Post by SamanthaBoundx » Thu Dec 06, 2012 7:56 am

The only way to get over an ex is to cut contact with them completely. It's the hardest thing in the world to do if you still love them, but you need to take them out of your life completely. Delete their number, get rid of them from Facebook, just give yourself no way to contact them - and ask them not to contact you in return.
He needs to give himself space to experience all of the emotions that come with a break up - the sadness, the bitterness, the confusion. If he doesn't have time to feel his way through it on his own, he won't be able to come to terms with it and he won't get over her.

### Re: Best way to get over an ex?

Post by ana-tie91 » Thu Dec 06, 2012 9:35 am

completely agree with samantha...it's the hardest thing for sure and i had my big share of this...can't say i have any other suggestion as an_what, an expert? _ cus it's totally him who can handle it, and first thing is WANT to...which is still only easy on saying! i can't and even not in a place to advise (as a matter of fact i'm in middle of same situation) so see what was wrong in that relationship, something isn't really fixable ...for one she doesn't love u? how u can change it?...and if u could by what cost? ruining ur dignity? it may even get worse
again i'm not in a place to talk but i guess the best is to move on and forget her...

### Re: Best way to get over an ex?

Post by The Black Falcon » Sun Dec 09, 2012 8:32 am

It's pretty tough. I myself just finished going through the five stages of grief from ending things with my last girlfriend. Like your friend is now, I started off in denial, convincing myself that things were just temporary and that we'd soon be back together, and that "breaking up" didn't really mean "breaking up" since I was so convinced we were a special case (pity me, I know). Then of course comes the anger and the bargaining (despite the fact that she already had a new guy a couple months after we broke up), and I was still feeling the grief as recently as this September. The acceptance didn't really come until I started talking to the girl who would become my current girlfriend.
Basically, what I'm saying is that your friend just needs time to go through all of the five stages. It's not a quick or easy process by ANY means, but it's something that has to be played out in completion. No matter what you say, he's still going to want her back. Time is the great healer, though, and he'll probably be over her by the time she comes back, and he will have inadvertently made himself a better person for his own sake rather than hers. If you're still looking for advice, I'd say tell him to take some time for his own. Hang out with friends, keep bettering himself if it makes him feel better, but enjoy life as a single man. It'll pay off with time.
College student by day. Crime-fighting vigilante by night.

### Re: Best way to get over an ex?

Post by KennyBoy » Sun Dec 09, 2012 3:30 pm

I would advise spending time with other girls, he will probably feel guilty at first but emphasise that it is only as friends and soon he will 'forget' about her (When I say forget about her I mean he will no longer be madly in love with her), if he spends a lot of time around other girls, even as friends, he will feel better as he will have replaced her. Once he has done this by all means be friends with her but at first it would be best to talk to her as little as possible as regular talking will generally make it worse and also harder on him as he may think he has a chance. Another possible idea is to play a sport as he will spend a lot of time with other people and working hard to improve his game. I don't know if this is his first break up but if it is then it is natural for it to be a lot harder for him but he really needs to get out there and move on, especially at the age of 21! (ish, just guessing here, I'm figuring he is about your age and I noticed your description said you were 21)
Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

### Re: Best way to get over an ex?

Post by SephySJ » Mon Dec 10, 2012 7:01 am

Thanks for all your advice guys, he seems to be getting on with life, I told him the best thing to do was to keep himself occupied and he agrees. He is 21, good guess Ken, though it's not his first relationship, it is his first love, and when you spend virtually every day with someone who you love and then all of a sudden they're gone it really takes the wind out of your sails, so I'm giving him a break. Though my break up wasn't the same as his is now, I still understand what he's going through in a way and am prepared to listen to him when he needs someone to talk to; we're roommates so I guess I have to if I want to or not I am hoping though that in 6-7 months time he'll be over her, though whether he'll want to get with other women is another matter. He does hang out with a few girls but they're all pretty mediocre compared to his ex. I suppose when you go out with someone who you love and idolize your standards go up a lot, which is good. He'll also save a shit ton of money without a woman to destroy his wallet.