## TUG Psychology

Post by LastOfTheAmericanGirls » Thu Oct 13, 2011 9:39 pm

This is just something I figured out for my neighbor and I regarding our interest in TUGS. He usually is the one tying me up, and likes to be in control. I prefer being the one tied up. I realized it actually stems from the amount of control we have in our home life. His parents are very controlling, and micromanage every aspect of his life. So with me, he likes being able to assert control. For me, I'm in a lot of leadership positions at school, and my parents are constantly encouraging me to take on new responsibilities, so I have a lot of pressure in my daily life. So I enjoy not having to worry about control in TUGs, because I'm not the one in charge, and there's no pressure on me to come up with the rules and be in charge.
Anyone else interested in the psychology of TUGs in general, or why they themselves are interested in them outside of sexual reasons? (Not that it doesn't turn me on.. )
They used to tie you up!
It's a living
I didn't recognize you without the handcuffs

### Re: TUG Psychology

Post by rugas » Thu Oct 13, 2011 11:01 pm

very interesting analysis...
though sometimes I think it could be more a native thing in despite of the environmental influence...
for example (please don't laugh...) when I was child (I mean 3 or 4), I used to enjoy wrapping myself in a little carpet...

### Re: TUG Psychology

Post by sarobah » Fri Oct 14, 2011 4:12 am

Although my motivation also has to do with control issues, itâ€™s in a different way. I have a very assertive, controlling personality in my â€œpublicâ€ life â€“ first at school, now at university â€“ and have always been an overachiever (almost to the point of obsessive). Surrendering control, through TUGs, is for me not so much a release from the pressure (I like pressure) but a way of exploring and testing my limits. So as strange as it may seem, I feel powerful when Iâ€™m tied up and helpless.
I have always been fascinated by the dynamics of having, exercising and sharing power, and it took me a while to realize that the recurring theme in my TUGs stories, both the fictional and the true-life tales, is what I call the inverted power dynamic. This is where the person who normally has the dominant role, control or power in a relationship is captured, tied up, etc., by a subordinate. It includes scenarios like the bound babysitter, the boss in bondage, the tied-up teacher. For me personally, it was being tied up by my little brother.
So to me TUGs are like a door to self-discovery. Being taken completely out of my comfort zone (i.e. having the control) brings me closer to understanding myself without any frills, props or supports... if that makes sense.
~ Sarah
BTW. Rugas, is that where the â€œrugâ€ comes from?
:o)
Words, like Nature, half reveal and half conceal the soul within.

### Re: TUG Psychology

Post by rugas » Fri Oct 14, 2011 2:32 pm

no no....it comes from my real surname... actually is how my friends usually call me and I'm still wondering if it was a good idea to use this nickname here

### Re: TUG Psychology

Post by TUfriend » Fri Oct 14, 2011 4:50 pm

I agree, I love being tied up, and my parents couldn't care less what I do with my life.
Heil Toddman, the Wonderful Wizard of Odd
I'm a nerd with a dangerous side.
See my most recent TRUE story, "SPL Initiation", here.
Read my most recent FICTIONAL story, "The Birth of a Whovian", here

### Re: TUG Psychology

Post by Games_Bond » Sat Oct 15, 2011 11:07 am

This is indeed a very interesting topic. Kudos LastOfTheAmericanGirls on getting it started.
I'll start with my own experience. I very much prefer being submissive in tugs; being tied down and giving up control. I find it hard to draw any correlation (or inverse correlation) with my real life. That is partly because even I find it hard to describe exactly how I think. I am both predictable and random, sensible and stupid, confrontational and timid - you get the idea. But if I look deeper, I find that the one thing I seem to respond negatively to is any attempt to control me. This manifests in several ways. For example, my immediate family reckon (incorrectly) I am lazy, one reason being they find it hard to get me to do things for them. This is strange, since I will do practically anything for anybody else. This was an observation of mine, not of anyone else. I eventually concluded that the reason was my family demand and expect from me, whereas others ask. That seems to make a huge difference. This leaves it open to suggestion that my enjoyment for being tied down is an "inverse of life", as has been discussed, since in life I refuse to be manipulated or controlled. In fact, I am somewhere on the control freak spectrum.
There is certainly a lot of evidence to support "inverse of life". For example, it is rather common for feminists to enjoy submissive fantasies or tendencies. On the other hand, I'm sure evidence to the contrary could be dug up too.
Sarobah, as ever, has a good insight, and her point about a "different kind of control" is interesting. I certainly believe that I internally feel that TUGs can be used as a means to establish how much you trust someone - are you comfortable being tied down by Person X? No? You don't trust them. You also learn a lot by the boundaries you set them: you obviously trust them not to push boundaries, but the more "rules" you give them, the less you probably trust them because they need to be told. I never gave my girlfriend boundaries when she tied me up, simply because I knew full well she would never go too far. It is interesting how relationships with people that we indulge in TUGs with develop, and to an extent are different with those we do not. Only a couple of people know how much I like TUGs, some know I'm "up for it" but don't know I'm "into" it, and some friends (even those who are good friends) will never know. Again, as Sarobah says, there's an element of self discovery.
I hope all this waffle makes a useful contribution

### Re: TUG Psychology

Post by sarobah » Sat Oct 15, 2011 4:50 pm

> Games_Bond wrote:This is indeed a very interesting topic. Kudos LastOfTheAmericanGirls on getting it started.

Agreed.

> For example, it is rather common for feminists to enjoy submissive fantasies or tendencies.

As a strong feminist, I can attest to this.
I read an analysis once which claimed that men with dominant personalities tend to have domination fantasies (i.e. reinforcing their natural tendency) while females with dominant traits tend to have submission fantasies. Itâ€™s a generalization, but it fits me â€“ although I take it a step further by living out my fantasies, albeit by separating my public and private personas.

> TUGs can be used as a means to establish how much you trust someone - are you comfortable being tied down by Person X?

As someone who normally overanalyzes everything, I hadnâ€™t really thought of this, but itâ€™s a very interesting insight. My partner has never really understood the appeal of TUGs or the submissive part of me. His own personality is strong but not dominant. So by â€œplaying alongâ€ with my tie-up games and slavegirl fantasies, he is validating the trust I put in him by my surrendering control to him.
(â€œValidatingâ€ is not really the word Iâ€™m loking for, but at the moment Iâ€™m suffering from caffeine deficiency.)

> I knew full well she would never go too far.

The problem with my guy is that given his own way, he wonâ€™t go far enough. So I end up â€“ as the saying goes â€“ topping from the bottom. :o(
But I will use todayâ€™s insights against him next time heâ€™s not in the mood for play. :o)
~ Sarah
Words, like Nature, half reveal and half conceal the soul within.

### Re: TUG Psychology

Post by Games_Bond » Sun Oct 16, 2011 1:22 am

> The problem with my guy is that given his own way, he wonâ€™t go far enough.

Yup, that was the problem with my girl too, to be fair. Pretty easy to trust them if they go nowhere near the boundaries of their own volition

> I read an analysis once which claimed that men with dominant personalities tend to have domination fantasies (i.e. reinforcing their natural tendency) while females with dominant traits tend to have submission fantasies.

Yes, I think that is probably a good generalisation. Men who tend to like control can tend to prefer it in whatever context. I'm not saying they couldn't enjoy it if submission was thrust upon them, but they probably wouldn't be comfortable until they did find themselves enjoying it. Not that any of us would want to degenerate (if that is the word) this discussion into the psychological differences between men and women, but there does seem to be an interesting divide contrasting the predispositions of male chauvinists to feminists.
The facts I refer to tend to be remembered from reading texts at University. Obviously, the texts and studies we were doing at the time weren't focusing on TUGs specifically, and we only spent one week I think on S&M, the most closely related subject from the course. So relevant studies from which to pick and choose are limited

### Re: TUG Psychology

Post by bookl0ver » Sun Oct 16, 2011 12:19 pm

so i've a lotta free will at home but have rles but i prefer being the tier. so how does that work?
DIRECTIONER FOR LIFE!
NIALL HORAN'S FUTURE WIFE
Also addicted to slash. ^,^

### Re: TUG Psychology

Post by LastOfTheAmericanGirls » Sun Oct 16, 2011 12:39 pm

> bookl0ver wrote:so i've a lotta free will at home but have rles but i prefer being the tier. so how does that work?

You're secretly a boy.
Just kidding: It probably means you're accustomed to freedom, and like that, but also, being younger, you long for the day when you can assert that freedom as control (being an adult).
They used to tie you up!
It's a living
I didn't recognize you without the handcuffs

### Re: TUG Psychology

Post by bookl0ver » Sun Oct 16, 2011 12:42 pm

still dont get it
DIRECTIONER FOR LIFE!
NIALL HORAN'S FUTURE WIFE
Also addicted to slash. ^,^

### Re: TUG Psychology

Post by Games_Bond » Sun Oct 16, 2011 2:19 pm

It's quite late so I'm not gonna go into a long analysis here but...
1. Perhaps you don't really need to understand everything just yet (or ever, really)
2. Generalisations necessarily mean that there will be exceptions.
Therefore, there is no necessity that your life even affects your TUGs preferences, or that you are breaking any rules by your predispositions.

### Re: TUG Psychology

Post by bookl0ver » Sun Oct 16, 2011 2:21 pm

ok fair enough ta gamesy
DIRECTIONER FOR LIFE!
NIALL HORAN'S FUTURE WIFE
Also addicted to slash. ^,^

### Re: TUG Psychology

Post by dreadnaught3200 » Sun Oct 16, 2011 10:33 pm

Oh sweet! I have to jump into this one.
Now, Iâ€™ve said this a few times on this forum, but Iâ€™ll say it again. I donâ€™t think there can be any one reason that weâ€™re into TUGS. From what Iâ€™ve observed, it seems that TUGS is the one truly unifying thread that runs through this group. So it is only logical to assume that our reasons for having this little quirk as a varied as the group itself.
I mean, some people are interested in TUGS on a purely sexual level. Others on a purely plutonic level. Some people are fascinated by the mechanics and techniques of bondage. Others just like feeling helplessâ€¦ The list goes on and on.
However, personally Iâ€™ve always found the dynamics of power exchange to be particularly interesting. Much like Sarobah. And as Iâ€™ve thought about it, itâ€™s become clear to me that the bondage scenario is a very psychologically complex situation. There are many elements that function simultaneously, which is what I think makes the experience so electrifying. Now, if I may, Iâ€™d like to point out three of those that I find particularly interesting.
1. Instinct. This one isnâ€™t talked about a whole lot, but I think its important. We humans have a highly developed set of survival instincts. Since theyâ€™re so deeply buried beneath the veneer of civilization we tend to forget about them, but theyâ€™re still there. Paramount among these is the avoidance of vulnerability. Most of the time weâ€™ll do just about anything to avoid being physically (Or emotionally for that matter) vulnerable. And letâ€™s face it, you canâ€™t get much more vulnerable than when someone else has bound you hand and foot. Not only that, in the bondage scenario weâ€™ve submit ourselves to this willingly. In so doing weâ€™re violating perhaps every survival instinct we have. Which, Iâ€™m willing to bet, is why helplessness feels so damn cool!
2. Role play. Ok, this one sounds simple but itâ€™s actually more complicated than most people give it credit for. Itâ€™s a strange quirk of the human mind that we sink into our given situational roles a little too easily. Especially when it comes to things like power exchange. I talked about this a bit in the story cycle that I posted a while back. But Iâ€™ll run it down again. At Stanford university in 1971, a guy named Philip Zimbardo carried out a rather notorious experiment which has come to be known as the â€œStanford Prison Experimentâ€. A bunch of students built a prison in the basement of the psychology building and were randomly assigned to be guards and prisoners. The students sunk into their roles of prisoners or guards almost immediately. The guards became aggressive, domineering and in some cases abusive. The prisoners became withdrawn, depressed and docile. Even Zimbardo himself, in his role as prison superintendent got sucked in. The experiment got so out of control it had to be stopped a week early. Now, this experiment is usually cited in regards to prisons. But I think its completely relevant to the captor/captive relationship that weâ€™re so fond of. All the guys at Stanford knew what they were doing was role play. But once theyâ€™d committed to their roles, it consumed them. In our case, if the captor and captive both commit to the roles they are playing, it can feel very real indeed. The same goes for master and slave. When someone is bound, or enslaved they are released from all personal responsibility. When you sink into that role, it can really feel like you donâ€™t have any responsibilities anymore. Power exchange is no trifling thing.
3. Topping from the bottom. (Sorry Sarobah, I couldnâ€™t figure out what else to call this) Now this one IS as obvious as it sounds. Iâ€™m going to assume that some people here used to watch CSI back when it wasâ€¦ you knowâ€¦ good. Well, one of the most fascinating characters on that show was the vaunted Lady Heather, a highly intelligent dominatrix. While explaining her profession to the team she said something that caught my interest. â€œThe submissive is truly in control of the situationâ€, or something to that effect. The more I think about it, the more I think sheâ€™s right. When youâ€™re tied up, you are completely helpless and completely dependent. Assuming that the bondage situation is consensual (which it always should be) the top must take complete responsibility for the bottomâ€™s well being. This means that for however long you posses them, your entire life will have to revolve around them, taking care of whatever needs they may have. However, more importantly, knowing that someone is willingly taking on that responsibility must mean that they really love/want you. We all want to be loved. Knowing that someone cares enough about you to take all your responsibilities onto them self must mean that they do indeed want you. And to put it frankly, we all want to be wanted.
Wow, I didnâ€™t mean to go on for that long. Oh well.
There's a permanent tension in music isn't there? On one hand you have three chords, you know, four four and three chords. Then there's the people like me, who say "Well, why don't we add a fourth chord and put it in five four?" - Bill Bruford

### Re: TUG Psychology

Post by Chase Ricks » Sun Oct 16, 2011 10:45 pm

I simply must fully agree with your explanation on why rping aspects of bondage are so addictive dreadnaught3200. For many years when rping/ cybering online I have always gotten more excited then usual when I get to sub or dom the other person. It allows me to unleash my hidden subdued persona to the point it has now become simply a second nature to me.
While not everyone may agree with me on this, I also find it helps out when doing certain story series to literally change into my characters mindset to be able to experience how my victims/ oppopnents feel as they go against me. I believe that this aspect has helped my writing rise to a brand new higher level then it used to be so long ago.
From whence I came and whence I went heaven said I was too evil and sent me to hell. Demons and devils succeeded in breaking my soul.

### Re: TUG Psychology

Post by sarobah » Mon Oct 17, 2011 2:09 am

Some excellent analysis in this thread.
I want to add three more ideas, all from the point of view of the â€œsubmissive.â€ I hope this makes sense â€“ unlike when I wrote my previous post, I am now suffering from caffeine overdose.
The dynamics of power exchange can be as complex as any aspect of human relationships.
I wrote previously: â€œâ€¦ men with dominant personalities tend to have domination fantasies (i.e. reinforcing their natural tendency) while females with dominant traits tend to have submission fantasies.â€
That statement was made specifically in the context of feminism, but of course it can be generalized into other (non-gendered) situations as well. I have mentioned in other threads that it takes strength to be the submissive (i.e. in TUGs, the bindee rather than the binder) since it is the submissive who gives up control, puts trust in the dominant and must be prepared to go outside of his/her comfort zone.
Surrendering (or being captured), subdued and bound is a conscious act of will, which means in essence that the loss of power can itself be a form of empowerment.
There is another sense in which being the submissive partner is empowering. To take an example from my own experience: In addition to bondage games, I have a slavegirl role-play, in which fantasy tends to bleed into my everyday reality and identity. (After all, there are discreet ways in which I can act out my character in public which is not so easy to do with bondage.) The fundamental, psychological attraction for someone like myself (who has an otherwise dominant personality) is reaffirmation â€“ that I am so appealing to my partner that he will take me as his slave. Iâ€™m sure the same mentality applies in bondage situations.
An interesting aspect of bondage and submission in the context of sexual relationships emerged in a study Iâ€™ve read, in which the subjects, both men and women, responded to a â€œforced submission fantasy.â€ The analysis focused on which elements of the fantasy â€“ e.g. the force, the sexual component, the emotional content â€“ affected the appeal of the fantasy. The one element whose removal had little effect was the force. In other words, the force was an instrument or device rather than the key ingredient in the fantasy. How itâ€™s relevant here (in the discussion of TUGs) is that the conclusion of the study was that the appeal of forceful submission in tie-up games is not a sign of pathology but can be a normal ingredient in a relationship.
~ Sarah
Words, like Nature, half reveal and half conceal the soul within.

### Re: TUG Psychology

Post by vantran » Tue Oct 18, 2011 10:03 am

TUGs are therapy for me after a day's work.

### Re: TUG Psychology

Post by bookl0ver » Tue Oct 18, 2011 10:07 am

LOL. Tugs r fun and entertainment for me. I wouldn't mind if my parents punished me by tying me up either but no such luck
DIRECTIONER FOR LIFE!
NIALL HORAN'S FUTURE WIFE
Also addicted to slash. ^,^

### Re: TUG Psychology

Post by vantran » Thu Oct 20, 2011 1:15 pm

I dont play dom or sub. TUGs are just excitement