## Does being a "sub" in bedroom make you a "sub" in general?

Post by capturedsuperhero » Wed Jan 11, 2012 4:26 pm

Hi all
Geting a bit deep now, just thought i'd share my musings with like minded people.
Bit of personal history:
From a very early age I had a love of superheroes. So in my very early teens i had detailed dreams and fantasies about me as a superhero, and any females in the fantasy would take the Catwoman/Poison Ivy role, teasing and catching the hero.
Over time this developed my interest in bondage and when I was 15-16 i got my first computer in my bedroom which meant that i was free to search whatever i wanted. This started as simple "Wonder Woman in bondage" and started a heavy interest in girls tying up girls. Then at some point (probably as i shot through puberty) this developed into me wanting to be tied up, first by women, then it devleoped (possibly as i got more desperate) into also wanting to be tied up by men.
I've had a couple of bondage experiences in my life bu the main one came at the end of uni when i let a classmate tie me up in his bedroom and he spanked and tickled me. I'm not gay but being tied up was a massive turn on and he ending up giving me a hand job. I'm 25 now and that was 5 years ago.
So for many years i've had an online very submissive persona and i'm worried it's affecting how i am in general. I used to be a lot more outgoing but my self esteem at the minute isn't fantastic and i let guys at work and friends talk down to me or ignore me. I've also started to be quite pessimistic, constantly feeling pathetic and a failure.
However, i know I'm slim, good looking, funny and a genuinely nice guy so i should be feeling a lot more confident.
I don't have a girlfriend at the minute (although I know a few girls are interested i'm always either too nervous to approach them or i think it wouldn't work out long anyway) and despite a very active social life (playing football, gym etc) i do get very lonely so it makes me come online more often and play that submissive role.
My question is that the more you push an online submissive persona, the more submissive you become in your general day to day life?
End on a joke:
If quizzes are quizical, what are tests?
Arrogant Superhero here, Looking for a Nasty Villain!!!!

### Re: Does being a "sub" in bedroom make you a "sub" in genera

Post by fabolous1024 » Wed Jan 11, 2012 6:50 pm

I think there may be something to this but I'm not totally sure. I know some very timid people who are timid online and off. It seems like a bit of a chicken/egg thing. On the other hand, I know people who are completely different online vs. offline. Some people I know can be very domineering online but very weak and quiet in real life (I think the internet allows them that 'hiding behind a computer screen' freedom). I also know people who are very quiet online and off. I know people who are the opposite on and off as well. Of course, I've never ever ever seen someone who is domineering offline but quiet and submissive online.
It sounds like you have the typical problems that people with a lack of confidence have. Confidence is not mainly a function of your looks/likeability/achievements; it's more complex. It's not about knowing you're good looking or likeable, it's about not being afraid of trying things and being able to deal with the probable consequence. And when I say probable, I really do mean that instead of possible. I have a friend who is a cool guy but is deathly terrified of talking to girls. His problem is a fear of rejection and I constantly tell him that he will be rejected, many times, and the only people who are really happy in this world are the ones who go through all the crap to get to the good things at the end.
The same idea is probably applicable to your problem with friends and your coworkers. Are you afraid of something that might happen if you did not allow them to speak to you like that?

### Re: Does being a "sub" in bedroom make you a "sub" in genera

Post by markusthe1st » Thu Jan 12, 2012 10:14 am

Being submissive in general is a personality trait. How you choose to give power to that trait is entirely up to you. I've known some pretty powerful women in my time that on the surface seemed quite dominant - until they received that certain look or forcible tone that is, and the eyes go down instinctively.
I've also known men and women that were lifestyle submissives in that being a "sub" was their entire net worth. They lived for their Masters, and would do anything they said. Of course, they had to, because lifestyle subs (of the extreme I'm talking about - there are many levels) need their Masters/Mistresses to survive. If their "owners" are not so nice, they can live a pretty degrading existence. Ultimately what they do is give up all their responsibilities, and the fun that can come with them, to someone else.
So, the choice of what type of sub you want to be and how much power you give to that side of yourself is up to you. It will always be your life in the end.
Walk the mile first... then have the fun!

### Re: Does being a "sub" in bedroom make you a "sub" in genera

Post by fratboydanny » Fri Jan 13, 2012 4:39 am

Ahh, testical?
Seriously, the quick answer to your question is no. I've known guys who are submissive when it comes to getting tied up but are otherwise strong and dominant personalities outside the bedroom or playspace. Produce that rope or show a gag and they melt. Conversely I've met some guys who I wouldn't even notice but get them alone and they were very dominant and demanding. You just never know and one does not automatically mean the other.