Holiday Hog Tie

Postby elusinius » Sun Dec 01, 2013 8:49 am

Holiday Hog Tie by James Elusinius

It was all becoming one big cluster frack. First, a rival Scout organization burned down the
Scout house.

Doug and his friends could not understand why some lunatics suddenly started calling them
“Satan Scouts” and began to harass them. After some nasty graffiti and vandalism, the nut
jobs had managed to destroy the Scout House. It was little satisfaction to the boys that the
vandals got nasty burns themselves in the process.

Some nice people offered to rebuild the Scout house. A boy named Eustace had designed a new
one. Eustace had two dads in the construction industry that liked the traditional Boy Scout’s new
semi civilized new membership policy.

Even Charlie was not opposed to having Eustace join them as he saw that the plan for the rebuilt
Scout House included an improved eating facility. “They’ll pry our new breakfast nook from my
cold dead hands!” vowed Charlie. Even Little Mark began to dance a jig, and sang “No more shit
on a shingle ever!”

Of course, the boys wanted to help fundraise for the facility. They decided to go to their local mall
in Perra Loca Florida and sing Christmas Carols to raise money. There, they ran into an unfortunate
circumstance.

After getting permission from the mall manager to sing, the boys set up their area and planned to
perform the Little Drummer Boy as their first number. They didn’t have a band so they got a CD
of karaoke carols that they would provide the words to.

Little did the lads know that there was a reservoir of untapped loathing of that song that no adult
would openly admit to.

As the boys began to sing they saw a strange madness begin to form in the eyes of their audience.
They began to jeer them, and mumble obscenities at them. The boys were very nonplused!

A lady they had recognized as the librarian from their middle school shouted “Seize them!” The boys
were then summarily grabbed and held down by several of the shoppers and store keepers. A man
from the Postal outlet brought out a skein of strong twine, and began to cut it into lengths suitable
for trussing up helpless lads.

Doug, Scott, Charlie, Ronnie, Allan and Little Mark were then tightly bound and hogtied with
the twine. Doug noticed that the shoppers were rather enthusiastic in trussing them. They
seemed to possess a tying ability that made them looks like mere amateurs!

A man from the mall’s linen shop provided some long terracotta napkins as gags. They had been
knotted before being thrust into the boys mouths. They were tied so tightly that boys looking
like chagrined chipmunks after the knots were finished.

The boys rocked and writhed helplessly in their bonds. Pitiful squeaks emerged from their
stopped mouths. They feared this would be the preliminary to a ghastly Scout pogrom!

That did not occur. However, what happened next would send the boys into therapy for
a long time. The boy’s karaoke player was seized. The customers placed another CD
into it and began to sing ACDC’s “Highway To Hell”. Other heavy metal anthems followed.

The customers and shopkeepers began to shout “To hell with Christmas!” and “Die, Tiny Tim, Die!”
The mall Santa exited out an emergency exit and didn’t stop until he got to New
Jersey!

The shoppers began to laugh fiendishly and talk of impaling people on spikes
of holly and garroting folk with Christmas ribbons. The lads still feared for their
lives.

Little did the maddened revelers notice that Eustace, who had missed the start of
the boys caroling because of a late bus had seen the shoppers’ madness. He then
went down the street and called his uncle to bring rescue!

Eustace’s uncle quickly rounded up a posse of Leather men. They burst through
the entrance to the mall and demanded to know what the frack was going on!

They confronted the shoppers and asked them if the boys had said their safe words.
One man said that they had just repeats no over and over again. A leather lawyer
named Bernie Bernstein said “Well, no is the universal safe word! Habeus their
corpuses right now or prepare to become corpses yourselves!”

The boys were quickly released. Their cupid’s bow lips were freed from the tight
gags that silenced them.

Bernie negotiated a writ of forbearance that compensated the boys for their ordeal
and left enough money over to build the new Scout House!

Of course Doug and his friends became a little gun shy of Christmas and other
Abramaic hijinks and began to embrace the teachings of the Flying Spaghetti
Monster. Charlie even started to learn the mysteries of pasta cooking!

The boys all recovered from their ordeal with only the slightest and briefest
forays into alcoholism and became right as rain. As a topper, the Rope Fairy
left them those really bitchin’ British racing gags in their holiday stockings.

The End

Re: Holiday Hog Tie

Postby xtc » Tue Jan 21, 2014 3:54 am

This was a bit if fun. Thanks for entering. Do you often continue the adventures of Drawscore's characters ( I know it was alright with him)?
I'd be happy to red some more.
Boxer shorts are cool,
but little speedos rule!

More by the same author: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=22729

Re: Holiday Hog Tie

Postby elusinius » Fri Jan 24, 2014 6:07 pm

I have done more than a few stories about his crew.

Thank you for the feedback. I do plan to do more.

James