Does anyone feel weird?

Postby Ecstasy » Fri Jan 06, 2012 2:51 am

Okay.. It is really nice to be all tied and gagged for the moment. But does anyone really feel weird? I've been feeling weird and I don't know what to do.. Help.

Re: Does anyone feel weird?

Postby Elusive_lady » Fri Jan 06, 2012 10:10 am

Ecstasy wrote:Okay.. It is really nice to be all tied and gagged for the moment. But does anyone really feel weird? I've been feeling weird and I don't know what to do.. Help.

I think bondage, like anything else, feels more normal the more you experience it.

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Postby GoneGoneGone » Fri Jan 06, 2012 11:17 am

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Re: Does anyone feel weird?

Postby trammel » Fri Jan 06, 2012 11:53 am

BinderUK wrote:Truthfully? Sometimes yes, I do feel weird about it. I have a certain amount of self-loathing when it comes to bondage though. I accept that it's something I like but a lot of the time I wish I didn't. It may be becoming more socially acceptable but it still seems like a pretty messed up fetish to me. That said, I guess most fetishes are pretty messed up!


It's not necessarily a fetish. I found the following definition of fetish on the marriage bed website:

An individual with a fetish either can't have sex, or can't enjoy sex, without engaging in the fetish or fantasizing about it. Common fetishes are items like leather or high heels, activities like spanking, a man dressing up as a woman, or an inordinate fascination with body parts like feet or certain sized breasts. It's often hard to draw a clear line, since a preference is not a fetish until it becomes required for normal sexual function. For example, some people have an oral sex fetish, but most who enjoy oral sex do not have a fetish and can have sex without it.

Therefore, a preference for tie up games is probably not a fetish, but can become one if it goes too far or you feel you need it or else. If it is a true fetish, you probably are wierd and may need counseling. Otherwise, if it is a preference, just enjoy it. That realization has been quite freeing for me (no pun intended). If it is not a fetish for you, just enjoy it. As I have pointed out, what is more wierd: Jumping off a bridge with only a bungee cord or being tied up for an hour or 2?

Re: Does anyone feel weird?

Postby Elusive_lady » Fri Jan 06, 2012 11:56 am

BinderUK wrote:Truthfully? Sometimes yes, I do feel weird about it. I have a certain amount of self-loathing when it comes to bondage though. I accept that it's something I like but a lot of the time I wish I didn't. It may be becoming more socially acceptable but it still seems like a pretty messed up fetish to me. That said, I guess most fetishes are pretty messed up!


It's not messed up, and you are normal.
We all have our reasons for liking what we like. It's only when it becomes a problem--like interfering with relationships--then we might have a problem.

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Postby GoneGoneGone » Fri Jan 06, 2012 1:55 pm

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Postby GoneGoneGone » Fri Jan 06, 2012 1:58 pm

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Re: Does anyone feel weird?

Postby Elusive_lady » Fri Jan 06, 2012 3:32 pm

BinderUK wrote:Also, apologies to Ecstasy. I feel like I've hijacked your thread a bit, and that wasn't my intention!


She's normal too!

Re: Does anyone feel weird?

Postby Elusive_lady » Fri Jan 06, 2012 4:21 pm

SteveLuis wrote:Sadly for me I think I need the idea of bondage or the act itself to engage in sexual activity; my girlfriend has been fine about it all but I can't help but think she thinks it's wierd on some level.

She tied me up to a chair for the first time a few days ago and I was really enjoying it but then sometimes I just think wow this is really strange. I keep finding myself wanting to ask her to tie me tighter than she does but then I fear that would sound really wierd.

I really do love bondage but like the author of this thread I'd probably choose not to have it as a preference if I could because normal sex isn't really a possibility for me or requires a lot of effort/fantasising about bondage whilst engaging in it.


Bondage is normal. TUGS is normal.
It's possible, maybe probable, that you enjoy it more than she does. All that means is you can't do it every time you become sexual with her.

Maybe you should ask if she would like to be tied up?

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Postby GoneGoneGone » Fri Jan 06, 2012 4:48 pm

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Re: Does anyone feel weird?

Postby trammel » Fri Jan 06, 2012 9:10 pm

BinderUK wrote:Ron - seriously, your first port of call for a quote relating to psychology/science is a faith based site? Even wikipedia would have been better. Fwiw, fetishes are not always required for 'normal sexual function', they can just be an enhancement. Also, thanks for deciding without ever having spoken to me before that I'm potentially weird and need counselling. Nice touch.



That's not at all what I said. You said that and grossly misquoted me. Yes, it is a faith based site but I think the definitions are valid, likely based on definitions from the American Psychological Association as opposed to the always reliable Wikipedia.

As to whether you need counseling, nothing you have said up until now indicated that but, if the shoe fits...! I'm not saying the shoe fits, but you seem hyper sensitive so if the definitions hit too close to home then, well, you be the judge.

BTW, that "faith based website" goes out of its way to maintain scientific and theological accuracy. It is very well researched.

Re: Does anyone feel weird?

Postby Ecstasy » Fri Jan 06, 2012 9:40 pm

Haha, well yeah. I really don't know what to say now. It's weird to some and not weird to some. Maybe it's just becoming a trend like pointed out before.
Well, even I'd like to permanently quite it if I can.
Thanks guys. For replying :)

Re: Does anyone feel weird?

Postby Elusive_lady » Sat Jan 07, 2012 3:27 am

Ecstasy wrote:Haha, well yeah. I really don't know what to say now. It's weird to some and not weird to some. Maybe it's just becoming a trend like pointed out before.
Well, even I'd like to permanently quite it if I can.
Thanks guys. For replying :)


To be honest, it troubles me a bit to hear anyone say they would give up TUGS or bondage if they could. This isn't like smoking or drinking--you aren't going to get hurt, unless you're getting tied up by the wrong person, or aren't taking any precautions.
Both bondage and TUGS are normal. Most couples under 30 at least consider trying bondage, and most kids play some kind of TUGS. It's no more strange for adults to play TUGS than it is for adults to watch football or basketball,...which, like TUGS, are pretty much kids games too.
I think that what makes some uncomfortable is that since bondage obviously has sexual overtones, to some so does TUGS. Most people don't discuss their sex lives outside the bedroom. If they are playing TUGS with someone they would never have a sexual relationship with (a sibling, or same-sex for hetrosexuals) that could feel weird. But I think if you can tell the difference between TUGS and bondage you should be able to play TUGS without guilt, and enjoy bondage without guilt.
Really, there's nothing wrong with either.

Re: Does anyone feel weird?

Postby Ecstasy » Sat Jan 07, 2012 4:24 am

That sounded quite like an encouragement. Thanks! It's just that, I was new to it and I really don't remember how it started :P but anyways. I don't think I would give up on it.
No more guilt.

Since when are you into TUGs, if I can ask?

Re: Does anyone feel weird?

Postby Elusive_lady » Sat Jan 07, 2012 4:39 am

Ecstasy wrote:That sounded quite like an encouragement. Thanks! It's just that, I was new to it and I really don't remember how it started :P but anyways. I don't think I would give up on it.
No more guilt.

Since when are you into TUGs, if I can ask?


TUGS--playing tie up games without sexual overtones--since childhood, in games like Cowboys and Indians, and later as a teenager just to see if I could get free on my own. And I still do that today at times.

Bondage was a bit later.

Re: Does anyone feel weird?

Postby Ecstasy » Sat Jan 07, 2012 5:23 am

Wow! That sounds like a long! :D

Re: Does anyone feel weird?

Postby Elusive_lady » Sat Jan 07, 2012 5:56 am

Ecstasy wrote:Wow! That sounds like a long! :D



It was, lol!

Re: Does anyone feel weird?

Postby trammel » Sat Jan 07, 2012 6:36 pm

I certainly felt weird about it for years until I learned some of the things Elusive Lady pointed out. It is really pretty normal but, like so many things, can be carried too far which is the distinction I was trying to point out. That's what I like about this site, it's not the extreme fetish bondage which, in my opinion, really does cross the line and indicate a problem. I think the Marriage Bed site does a good job of laying out what the difference is, as do the definitions under each section in this site. Anyway, I've engaged in tie ups since my grandma tied me up as a joke at about 5 years old and as recently as last night with my wife. Spent 2 hours tied to a chair. We don't do anything all that elaborate, just hands tied behind my back and handcuffed to the chair. Great stress reliever!

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Postby GoneGoneGone » Sun Jan 08, 2012 8:01 am

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Re: Does anyone feel weird?

Postby Fesselfan » Mon Jan 09, 2012 5:05 am

For me, I wouldn't want to drop my bondage fetish even if someone offered me a million for it. I am very glad with the way I am- including all abnormal stuff.
In fact, "normal" to me is the synonym for "boring". A lot of people are "Normal" already, so why should I?
And I am pretty sure my wife thinks the same...she would surely be totaly disappointed if I stopped tying her up and abusing her ;-)

Cavat: don't let others tell you how you should be. Just be.


Cheers

FF
There are 10 kind of people in the world.
Those who understand binary numeral system, and those who don't.

Re: Does anyone feel weird?

Postby cellofello » Tue Jan 10, 2012 1:18 am

Fesselfan is exactly right. Remember: Einstein, Mozart, and Martin Luther King were also not normal.

As long as you're not doing something hurtful to someone else without their consent, it's not anyone else's business. If someone else objects to what I do in private, I consider it their problem for being narrow-minded, not mine.

Re: Does anyone feel weird?

Postby Elusive_lady » Tue Jan 10, 2012 4:02 pm

I still say bondage is the new vanilla. :)

Re: Does anyone feel weird?

Postby trammel » Wed Jan 11, 2012 5:41 am

A true fetish when lived out is self destructive and does harm others whether you believe it or not. That is why it is important to have boundaries which delineate healthy and unhealthy.

For years I thought I was weird, in fact I thought something was wrong with me. Why on Earth would I enjoy tie up games? To be clear, I have always enjoyed games, being tied up, and trying to free myself. I have not taken it to extremes. However, I really do enjoy it and that just seemed weird. One of the biggest helps to me was the overview and several discussions on the marriage bed site, as well as this site which is generally (not always) within boundaries I have drawn for myself.

I really have no interest in more extreme forms of bondage. Much of it I find to be pretty disgusting, in fact. I have a lot of interests and hobbies. A lot. If this is your only one, perhaps you need to expand your horizons! Otherwise, have fun!

Re: Does anyone feel weird?

Postby markusthe1st » Thu Jan 12, 2012 10:37 am

I've wrestled with this question on and off my whole life. Ultimately it came down to the question: Can I get turned on without bondage? I felt if I couldn't, I was somehow broken. Of course I could, but for a long while I didn't want to - and didn't have to.

While this was going on, I noticed bondage becoming more accepted - night clubs giving classes and demonstrations, television shows like Ricky Lake having demonstrations, handcuffs and bondage kits for sale in Spencers, for example.

If it's your aphrodisiac, be thankful you have one! As long as you don't try to hurt anyone or let your bondage desires become your be-all, end-all, then go for it! In the end, you don't want to be with anyone that doesn't accept that side of yourself, because you'll keep seeking in your heart for someone that does.
Walk the mile first... then have the fun!

Re: Does anyone feel weird?

Postby rugas » Fri Jan 13, 2012 12:18 am

I do feel weird of course yes!.... I always did, even though I've never renounced to do tugs (I couldn't cause it's part of me)... anyway I was saying I've always felt weird, especially when I was teen, but actually also now... but perhaps now I'm a bit more relaxed (just a bit) and try to meet (I mean chat) someone like you sometimes helps

... but I can confirm... "in your heart you keep seeking for someone like you"

Re: Does anyone feel weird?

Postby Fesselfan » Fri Jan 13, 2012 12:22 am

A true fetish when lived out is self destructive and does harm others whether you believe it or not.


Sorry, but this is one of the more stupid statements in this thread. Just because *you* feel that your fetish is harming your life, don't assume that everyone thinks that way.
In fact, I see my fetish as an enrichement.

Cheers

FF
There are 10 kind of people in the world.
Those who understand binary numeral system, and those who don't.

Re: Does anyone feel weird?

Postby trammel » Fri Jan 13, 2012 3:14 am

Fesselfan wrote:
A true fetish when lived out is self destructive and does harm others whether you believe it or not.


Sorry, but this is one of the more stupid statements in this thread. Just because *you* feel that your fetish is harming your life, don't assume that everyone thinks that way.
In fact, I see my fetish as an enrichement.

Cheers

FF


“Stupid”, eh? So, you live in a vacuum?

IF you are giving undue attention to "any object, activity, etc, to which one is excessively or irrationally devoted” (dictionary definition) and IF that is getting in the way of healthy relationships with others, then yes, it is destructive and IF you are in such a situation and in denial about being in such a situation, then you do need serious help. This is why it is important to distinguish an unhealthy fetish from an activity which is reasonably healthy and recreational.

Truth is, few if any of us live in a vacuum. Our actions inevitably affect others. Acting as if we do live in a vacuum is ultimately unwise, arrogant, self centered and “stupid”, as you put it.

This is not to say you or anyone else is in need of help. Nor is it to say that enjoying tie up games is unhealthy. I certainly don’t believe it is unless it becomes an unhealthy obsession. What is problematic is going through life with blinders on, behaving like a tornado and not caring what or whom you damage.

In response to the original question, failure to give consideration to whether or not you are behaving responsibly and whether or not your actions are negatively affecting others would make you weird and, ultimately, in need of professional help. Otherwise, tie away!

Re: Does anyone feel weird?

Postby Fesselfan » Fri Jan 13, 2012 3:23 am

Just one Question:
Whom do I hurt by living out my true fetish?

To the rest.-.. you already answer yourself with all your "IF"s. I agree with you- a fetish *can* be destructive and unhealthy. However, your original statemt was it *always* is.
There are 10 kind of people in the world.
Those who understand binary numeral system, and those who don't.

Re: Does anyone feel weird?

Postby trammel » Fri Jan 13, 2012 4:13 am

Fesselfan wrote:Just one Question:
Whom do I hurt by living out my true fetish?

To the rest.-.. you already answer yourself with all your "IF"s. I agree with you- a fetish *can* be destructive and unhealthy. However, your original statemt was it *always* is.


There is a difference between a preference and a fetish as defined above in quotes. A full all-out fetish is problematic and does affect others negatively. So, are you engaging in an all consuming fetish or merely a hobby you really really like?

Re: Does anyone feel weird?

Postby Fesselfan » Fri Jan 13, 2012 4:49 am

There is no universally accepted definition for "fetish", even less one which says it has to be destructive. And no- religious blended definitions are void for me. But that's another can of worms.
As a start, you might want to take a look at the (at least halfway) good article in wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_fetishism


excempt:

A sexual fetish may be regarded as an enhancing element to a romantic/sexual relationship "achieved in ordinary ways (e.g. having the partner wear a particular garment)" or as a mental disorder/disorder of sexual preference if it causes significant psychosocial distress for the person or has detrimental effects on important areas of their life

If a sexual fetish causes significant psychosocial distress for the person or has detrimental effects on important areas of their life, it is diagnosable as a paraphilia in the DSM and the ICD.[2] Many people embrace their fetish rather than attempting treatment to rid themselves of it.


As you see, a fetish not neccessary destructive.
There are 10 kind of people in the world.
Those who understand binary numeral system, and those who don't.