TEN MEN IN A TUB (6)
Court Procedure
The shotgun blasts continued to approach but that didn't deter the Brethren; there was formal business to be transacted. Chris took the floor again. "Brothers, is it your desire that we free our Novices?" The affirmative cry finally brought some comfort to the Novices. Brothers, is it your desire that our Novices be allowed uniform?" The cry was more equivocal but it was eventually decided that the newcomers would be allowed their football shorts again - with underpants.
It took some time for Stumpy and Jake to free Clive from his bonds, Jake even suggested that they take him back to the water butt and dunk him until the tape came loose of its own volition. Clive was considerably relieved when his proposal was over-ruled but that disappointed noise showed Stumpy's mischievous side.
As the Novices were released and each took his turn to go to the well and clean himself up a bit, what passed for "packed lunches" were consumed. They should really have tried to get sponsorship form Messrs Nestlé, Mars and Coca-Cola.
It was time for Big Brother to move things on so Chris stood and announced, "Silence in court. HIs Honour Judge Stumpy presiding. Please be upstanding." He'd been watching too much bad American TV. All the established Brethren stood as, once they had cottoned on, did the Novices whilst Stumpy rose to his full, but not very impressive, height and walked grandly to a construction of straw bales at the end of the barn.
"Please be seated."
"Anyone having business with His Honour this morning should speak now or for ever hold his peace." Chris liked the grandiose ceremonies that the Brethren had evolved but they had certainly been drawn from a variety of sources.
There was always a Court. After all, it would be unjust to bind a Brother unless he was guilty of some misdemeanour, wouldn't it? "Who has occasioned the requirement for a forfeit?" Stumpy, whose turn it was to preside, was every bit as verbose as Chris. The Brethren looked round accusingly until Glenn and Ryan came to kneel in front of His Honour.
His Honour looked at Glenn. "Prisoner at the bar," I told you they drew from a variety of sources, "How do you plead to being the last to arrive?"
"Guilty, your Honour." It was always advisable to confess.
"Does anyone have anything to say in the prisoner's defence?"
Ryan spoke up pointing out that it was he who was, in fact, the last to arrive but the judge dismissed that as being merely a matter of fact and called for more pleas. Various Brothers agreed that, at the time, Glenn had been the last to arrive but thought that he had already acquitted himself with honour. Glenn, who still bore certain minor bruising, was glad of the support.
"Gentlemen of the Jury, do you find the prisoner guilty or not guilty?" It would not do to skip that formality and all the Brethren decided that Glenn was guilty.
Stumpy took the temperature of the gathered company and came to the correct decision. "This court finds the prisoner guilty as charged and, in the light of time spent being tortured already, grants an absolute discharge." What a fine judge!
Ryan's trial followed much the same lines and he was also discharged. There was a serious danger of the rest of the day being a bit of a waste of time. Unless . . .
"Anybody else having any business to bring before My Honour, speak now." This was the Brothers' opportunity to bring before the court anyone who was suspected of a misdemeanour or to trump up any charges that they thought might hold.
Chris put his hand on Gary's shoulder in an old fashioned 'you're nicked' posture. "Novice Gary, I arrest you for attempting to flex your muscles in order to prevent Brother Francis tying you efficiently." Following a rhythmic chorus of, "On - your - knees, on - your - knees . . ." a rather confused Novice knelt before the judge. Chris presented his evidence and the court spent no time finding the defendant guilty. That was one victim.
"Quite right." opined Brother Francis, "You deserved that." He spoke too soon as Glenn put his hand on his shoulder.
"Brother Francis, I arrest you for repeated attempts to deprive the Brethren of their rightful sleep." By the time the innocent looking guy had knelt before the judge, he knew his was a lot cause. Stumpy decided it would save time if he just found him guilty by acclamation. It wasn't the first time. So that was two victims who would require tying.
Being a fair system of justice, the next step was the appeals process. "Prisoner Worth, do you wish to appeal?"
"Oh, no." said Francis grinning and shaking his head. He was guilty and knew better than that. Spoilsport!
Thank god for Gary; he knew no better and tried pleading his case. In spite of being a newcomer and claiming to be in ignorance of what was expected of him, his appeal failed spectacularly.
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It was time for sentences. As he had expected, Francis was condemned to be gagged and 'tied to the stake at His Honour's Pleasure'. Gary was ignored while Francis stripped ready for punishment.
"Hold on those are your swimming trunks." Indeed Francis had taken the precaution of donning his gold swim-briefs with the two broad white stripes on the sides.
"Oh, come on - Brothers - wasn't it obvious that I was going to be tried and found guilty of snoring? Can you blame me?" Indeed the Brothers couldn't blame him and agreed to allow him not to have to change into his underpants. Francis grinned. Stumpy said that he could be punished for being improperly dressed afterwards. The prisoner's grin sank immediately and he decided to cut his losses and shut up.
There followed some discussion of which guilty party should be addressed first. Even Gary managed to predict that the term "he's not ready yet" when applied to him was not exactly without its ominous overtones. "Just wrists and ankles while he's waiting." declared His Honour but, being the just arbiter that he was, he admitted Ryan's appeal to allow him to be blindfolded as well.
Once he had removed his red cotton shorts, leaving himself in just his white "jockey" briefs, Ryan and Glenn soon had the muscular, dark-skinned convict ready to be ignored for a while. His hands had been bound behind him and hitched up into the small of his back by the simple expedient of passing the rope that Ryan had used over his shoulders and knotting it off in front of his neck. In response to Gary's appeal Judge Stumpy ruled that it wasn't dangerous because: a, he wasn't going to be like that for long, b, there were plenty of Brothers to keep an eye on him and, c, as long as he held his hands as far up his back as he could, there was no danger in any case. He then reminded the appellant not to forget to remind him to sentence him for the unsuccessful appeal later. Gary was already learning about the pitfalls in the Brothers' system of justice.
Gary didn't bother appealing against the way that, once Glenn had cross-lashed his ankles, he continued to bind his thighs down to his forelegs using the rest of the rope. Shame really, because that wasn't what the judge had ordered and his appeal would probably have succeeded and Glenn would have found himself on trial. Ryan applied the finishing touch, blindfolding Gary with his neckerchief. Now he couldn't even enjoy watching Francis suffering.
The shotgun blasts continued to approach slowly.
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Francis was called over to the stake. That was one of several fir-trees that had been stripped of any side branches less than six feet from the ground. The manner of his bondage was routine for the Brethren; it was just question of whether the sturdy, but quite short lad was going to be standing or kneeling.
"Turn around, hands up." Big brother's instruction seemed to answer that. Chris went behind the "stake" and pulled his victim's hands towards him. His job was going to be to hold the prisoner's hands in place while Glenn rope-cuffed his wrists. The tree was too large to enable Francis to touch his fingers with his opposite hand but, once Glenn had finished, his still sparsely-haired armpits would be completely indefensible. Tying the cuffs was quite a protracted process that became more difficult towards the end as the cuffs tightened against the tree but Chris had been able to get out of the way long before that happened.
It's quite an ingenious tie really because Francis had the choice: stand up straight or try to slip his arms and their cuffs down the trunk of the tree until he could sit down. As an experienced member of the TUB Francis understood which of his courses of action was the wiser; he'd tried slipping downwards when he was a novice. Any prisoner that tried it soon found the trunk, as he slipped downwards, soon became too thick to allow any further progress leaving the unfortunate captive with his arms even more uncomfortably stretched and the choice of uncomfortable postures: he could either stand with his legs spread, stand with his knees bent or straight out in front of him or, the embarrassing option: try to stand up straight again.
Chris just took a short rope and wrapped it four times round Francis's left ankle and tied it off. Once the rope had been passed round behind the tree and the other end had been tied round the super-snorer's right ankle, he was left with his feet at least twelve inches apart. Glenn asked, "D'we really need to gag him?"
"Only if he drops off." laughed Chris. However, both boys knew that, once His Honour had sentenced the convict to be gagged, then he was to be gagged. Any other outcome would result in two more Brothers kneeling in front of Judge Stumpy. Francis opened up and Chris tied a bulky knot in his neckerchief and stuffed it into his mouth before his subject bowed his head to allow him to tie-off the none too efficient gag. The two tiers returned to enjoy Gary's punishment.
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As Chris and Glenn came back to the barn, Gary was still in position in front of the judge. "Prisoner at the Bar," Gary tried to look through his blindfold, "When you were tried for your unjustified attempt to avoid being properly bound, you appealed on the unjustified grounds that you were a newcomer who was ignorant of our ways. How do you plead?" Really, that was unanswerable so His Honour just proclaimed a 'guilty' verdict and reserved to himself the right to find Gary guilty of contempt of court. Gary wished he had just pleaded guilty.
"In addition, you unjustly claimed that you were being restrained in a dangerous fashion. Such appeals are considered to be attempts to escape justice. How do you plead?"
"Guilty, Your Honour." Gary was learning fast.
It's a good job that Stumpy was an intelligent and articulate member of the TUB or several opportunities might have been lost. "On the first count of feloniously flexing (Stumpy didn't always find the right word, but he usually sounded impressive.) in order to avoid being adequately bound, you will be staked out and left to the mercy of the elements. Do you wish to appeal?"
Gary shook his head and, suddenly remembering what was likely to happen if he didn't reply, he answered, "No, Your Honour". He was taking no chances.
"I shall open it to the court to decide upon two punishments suitable for an unsuccessful appellant." There followed a somewhat disorderly and, as far as Gary was concerned, worrying debate. The decision was made to leave the first penalty to fate.
"Order in court." The 'jury' fell silent. "I shall impose a suspended sentence in respect of the second appeal. (Surely membership of the TUB would count towards the boys' citizenship education these days.) The defendant will be bound in exactly the way already determined but fate will decide the first extra penalty.
Certain items were laid out round the blindfolded felon; one in front of him, one to his left and another to his right while Paul and Jake slipped a small, doubled over groundsheet under him. After the initial surprise, Gary managed to suppress any reaction. Paul took one corner, Glenn another and Chris and Glenn took the remaining corners of the groundsheet and awaited instructions.
"Let fate take a hand!" On Stumpy's call the four boys on corners started rotating the groundsheet, toppling Gary onto his side. "When the prisoner calls, 'Stop,' the ride will stop." Even in his confused state, Gary took that hint quite rapidly. The four 'turners' retired out of range before Ryan checked to see that Gary's blindfold was still effective. He adjusted it to his own satisfaction and His Honour issued his instructions. "The prisoner will attempt to crawl to a wall of the barn. He will NOT attempt to remove his blindfold."
Gary simply lay where he was as he took in his situation. Once he'd given it some thought, he realised that he should have appealed against having his legs doubled up and added Glenn's name to his newly inaugurated death list. The Brothers started chi-iking and Gary thought he would be wise to do as he was told although he could figure out no reason for why he was being made to do it.
His wriggling and writhing were certainly entertaining but, after a few minutes of dragging himself erratically across the floor of the barn, Judge Stumpy spoke. "The prisoner will stop." Gary did so. "Please raise the prisoner to his knees and let him see what fate has decreed."
Ryan slipped his neckerchief from Gary's eyes and re-tied it round his own neck. A puzzled Gary tried to gather his bearings and, as he looked around, he saw the loincloth that Adam had been wearing right next to him. For some reason, "his" jockstrap and his own red shorts also seemed to have been scattered round the barn. "Order in court!" Silence fell.
"Fate has decreed that Novice Gary Churn shall be staked out in a loincloth." Gary knelt open-mouthed looking at the humiliating garment. Adam really had a smirk on him. Once he had come to terms with his fate, Gary asked for permission to address the court.
"Oh goodie, he's going to appeal!"
"Silence in court."
"Your Honour, no, I know that I have to accept the court's decision but," the Brothers were waiting; surely the Novice was about to incriminate himself in some way, "does that mean that, If I'd touched my shorts, I could have put them back on?"
"Yes, of course," Gary looked annoyed, "But you'd have no pants." Ryan was grinning. Glenn pointed out that, although it was obvious what would happen if Gary had "chosen" the jockstrap, he invited the prisoner to guess what he would have had to wear if he had headed into the gap where no garment lay. Gary's eyes widened before he heaved an enormous sigh of relief.
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"OK, Novice Gary, decision time: you can get yourself ready or you can chicken out, it's up to you." As Chris was speaking, he was untying Gary's arms while Glenn freed his legs. He was glad to be able to flex his legs once more.
Gary stood, gave himself a prolonged shake and bent down to collect the loin cloth which he then strapped round his waist and adjusted it, but not quite to his satisfaction before slipping out of his briefs. "OK. Do your worst."
The latest shotgun blasts seemed to be circling the barn as they continued to grow gradually nearer.
Gary was escorted to where the TUB had a permanent staking out area that could be guaranteed to be in the shade for most of the day. He had ropes attached at his wrists and ankles before he was allowed to sit and arrange his clothing as best he could. He was efficiently staked out but the Brethren couldn't possibly stretch him as tightly as they had his fellow sufferer. The next shotgun blast made everyone jump.
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The old aristo hove into sight and Rommel greeted his old friends. He also greeted some new ones. Francis's girly squeal was really quite spectacular. When the rotty put his paws up on Francis's shoulder, he was obviously pleased to see him. "Rommel, down! Dirty bugger. Bad dog."
Clive and Adam were introduced and he introduced himself to a considerably perturbed Gary. "Don't worry, at least he can't shag YOUR leg - not all the while you're lying like that." That was quite mild as the ancient landowner was renowned for his casual use of the worst possible expletives quite calmly but prolifically like most of his class. Rommel pushed his nose home as Gary made an attempt at a vertical take-off. "Don't worry, it just means he likes you. C'm eahh! Sit."
Chris asked Mr V. (actually Lord V. but he didn't like such formalities) what all the noise had been about. "Bloody American tree rats, fucking nuisance they are, they're not even proper squirrels." With that, a further report consigned another little woodland creature to that Great Pine Tree in the Sky. "Want some of this flaming vermin for your backwoods cooking or don't they teach you anything useful like that these days?" The next shot missed. The boys declined politely.
Rommel headed off to play with his new friend once more. Gary squealed. "Tell him to fuck off. Talk sternly to him." In spite of his surprise at hearing such language being spoken in such a cut-glass accent, Gary was prepared to try anything.
"Go away!"
"No, properly, be firm. Say what I told you to say . He understands that."
"R-rommel, fuck off!"
"There, you see, you just have to know how to talk to him." Rommel chased off into the wood to persecute some innocent denizen of the woodlands or the other but both Gary and Francis kept nervous eyes all around them.
"Oh well, must go, furry little fuckers won't shoot themselves. Used to get a tanner a time for a tail, you know. Behave yourselves, boys." I think it can be safely said that, as far as his Lordship was concerned: once met, never forgotten.
"Does he always swear like that?" Gary was amazed. Isn't it surprising how youngsters are always amazed when older people use the same language that they do?
"No, he's sometimes REALLY offensive."
"Oh well, now that Rommel's met you, you've got a friend for ever." Gary still wasn't convinced and he only wished he could see what was happening behind his head in case he returned with more friendly greetings from that direction.
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"Your Honour, is the court still in session?" Chris was being formal.
Stumpy indicated that he would hear any business as soon as he was installed on the official hay bale again. "Silence in court."
"Your Honour, I wish to make an appeal." At this everybody's ears pricked up. An appeal was so often just the precursor of a tie up opportunity. It was unusual, though, to appeal when there was no pressing case to do so. "Novice Gary should be released due to his having suffered far greater torments than he was sentenced to." A debate ensued and His Honour called for a vote. Surprisingly, the vote went in favour of releasing the Novice.
"What about the suspended sentence?"
"And the contempt of court?" Garry's newly kindles hopes dwindled
The Great Judge rose to his full, and still not very impressive, height on his throne and delivered his judgement. "The court is aware that Novice Gary still has to serve a suspended sentence that has yet to be decided and that he is also due to face trial for contempt of court. We are also aware that Brother Francis has." to suffer a penalty for being improperly dressed. I don't think we need a trial for that." There was general assent for that statement. "Order, order in court. This court has decided that, if we tie up the guilty parties now, we might have no one to tie up at the next meeting." Viewed in that light, the Great Judge's verdict met with general approval.
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Gary was released and by now Francis was getting fed up with missing out on the action and managed to expel the inefficient gag and call out to his Brethren.
"That's another crime! Bring him before the judge."
"Oh, crap!" The Brethren decided that Brother Francis could pay both penalties (IF he's found guilty, of course) next time. Ryan re-applied his gag and the rest of the Brethren went about the business of tidying up before adjourning their meeting.
Things were more or less in order when Big Brother called the meeting of the TUB to order. Brother Francis was freed and the three novices and he were told to get into uniform. Francis even ensured that he replaced his swimming costume with underpants just in case anyone called him up for another uniform infringement. The Novices' uniforms were inspected to see that they conformed to requirements and even the fussiest Brother could find no fault. Indeed, Novice Clive felt rather embarrassed when Glenn pointed out that he looked like a demented French Scout which, indeed, he did. He'd got his mum to convert an old pair of tan coloured trousers into shorts for him and his mum's idea of what shorts should look like was somewhat extreme. Even for those day's Clive's shorts were short. It didn't help that, as well as being a choir-boy, Clive looked angelic in short trousers.
There was a lot of good-natured ragging of the Novices and many questions answered but all good things must come to an end and Chris chimed up. "Members of the Tie Up Brotherhood will come to order." He paused for Paul to stop talking as he was explaining something to his brother.
"Oops, sorry, Big Brother."
"That's prefectly alright, Brother Smith Senior. Don't forget to present yourself in front of the court next time will you?" Both Smith brothers grinned. Both grins carried different implications.
"Our meeting must have its formal ending. Here we go." All the Brethren stood. "My term as Big Brother runs out today and I hereby invite the next Brother on the list to take over the next meeting. Brother Glenn, do you accept?" The Big Brother Elect nodded his assent.
"My last act as Big Brother until it is my turn again is to call for the final promise." The final promise was always the same: an affirmation that, whatever had been done to a Brother in a meeting, it would not be held against the perpetrators outside the barn. In spite of their affirmations, Gary wondered if he couldn't make just a little exception for Glenn and Adam was still considering mentioning that scratch to Ryan's mum.
THE END