About a month before my sixteenth birthday I was on top of the world. There was a girl in my neighborhood that had let me tie her up several times. There were also a few I hadn’t captured yet but I was optimistic that maybe someday an opportunity would present itself. Then my world came crashing down.
Two streets over lived a family; a single mom, two sons and a very pretty daughter named Chantal. One day the two boys tied Chantal to a chair. They gagged her. Then they violated her in several horrible ways. Word soon spread through the neighborhood.
If it had just been a rumor there would have been a possibility that it had been greatly exaggerated with each retelling or maybe it might even be untrue. But it wasn’t a rumor. The boys themselves thought that what they had done was a big joke and they were telling all of their friends, in great detail, what they had done.
The story soon made it beyond their friends. All the neighborhood kids heard about it and before too long the adults knew too. The boys were no longer bragging; they had disappeared from the streets. The last anyone heard was that Chantal had been taken to the hospital. No other details were available. The family vanished but the damage had been done.
The boys had destroyed their relationship with their sister, their mother and quite possibly any other family they may have had. The physical harm done to Chantal was the least of her problems. Injuries eventually heal but the emotional and psychological trauma would be with her forever. What the mother went through I cannot even imagine.
They had created a shockwave that destroyed their family but the aftershocks that rippled through the community afterwards knocked me down also.
I was terrified. I had been TUGging one of my sister’s friends. What if she started thinking about what might have possibly happened to her while she was at my mercy? What if she thought of me as being another one of those monsters? What if she went to her parents and told them what had happened to her?
What could I do next? There was no way any girl was going to let me tie her up now. Even the one that had I tied already might forget about how it was just for fun and she might be imaging the horrors that I wanted to subject her to.
For weeks I had a sick feeling in my gut as I waited for the knock on the door. A visit from her angry father or even worse, a policeman would have destroyed my world as effectively as those boys had ruined theirs. I accepted the fact that my tie-up games were done but the fear that my past deeds could catch up to me bothered me for a long time.
It was ten years, almost to the day, before I tied anyone up again. Even after all that time when I was done I was shaking so bad I could hardly untie the knots. It had been fun for both of us but would she still feel that way tomorrow or next week.
We all try to keep what we do a secret out of fear of those who wouldn’t understand. The only ones who share our world are our victims (for lack of a better word). For the most part they are also part of our world and have the same desire to keep it private. There are others who have come and gone but understand that it was all in fun.
What is frightening is the possibility that a seemingly willing captive may actually be feeling too intimidated by our enthusiasm to voice any resistance. When we get caught up in our games the excitement that we feel may be misinterpreted as aggression. Someone who appears to be playing along may actually be too scared to say no.
No one can know what motivation led those boys to do what they did to their sister. It’s not likely they did it for the same reasons that we do but to people outside of our community it all looks the same. We are all walking a narrow path and one misstep can have drastic results.
We have to remember that on shows like CSI and Criminal Minds people that get tied up usually end up dead or at the very least seriously messed up. It is media like this that forms the public’s perception of what we do. I suppose the main messages that I am trying to deliver are;
1- Choose your partners carefully.
2- Don’t get carried away in the moment and do something stupid.
3- Don’t cross any boundaries that you and your partner have established.