Got caught, need help

Postby whatever747747 » Wed Feb 17, 2010 6:38 pm

I'm male, 21, live with my parents and grandparents (financial issues)

For about a year I've been doing self-bondage. Usually very late at night, when I know everybody's asleep. I take all precautions I can (specially doing it only when the grandparents are not at home - fortunately, it's rather often), and for that year it worked. But Murphy's Law can never be fully prevented, and today it hit.

My mom got up and came to my bedroom to ask about why my dad's PC was being noisy - something that trivial. She caught me lying on the floor on top of my robe, with my legs tied criss-cross to my waist, and a homemade ballgag in my mouth (made of a huge knot wrapped in tape). Fortunately my hands weren't hogtied yet, but that didn't make the situation any better. Neither did having a bunch of ropes and a roll of tape around.

As much as I explained her it was a fetish and not abnormal at all, she went about how scared she was, how she thought I'm not normal for doing this, how strange it was for me to opt for this instead of going out clubbing to get a girlfriend (which obviously has nothing to do with it). I asked her not to tell my dad, to which she replied "I'll think about it", so it's safe to assume she will. And so she left. One hour later I'm writing this topic.

Any feedback is appreciated, hopefully it'll get through to me before they send me to a shrink. They're capable of that.

Re: Got caught, need help

Postby asdf2e » Wed Feb 17, 2010 7:20 pm

Oh man the classic nightmare a lot of us may worry about... I did when I lived at home and did self-bondage stuff. Overall, while it might be embarrassing its not of course abnormal or something on its own that signals to your parents you need therapy. You did the right thing explaining it to her. I can see how your mom, if she has no clue about TUGs or similar stuff, freaking out. Its a shocking visual. So if it comes up again, tell her... for sure... you totally understand her reaction. Assure her you're safe about it and.. if she talks about it in the context of you doing with others, that its something consensual.

My mom never "caught me" but she found rope and stuff later and we kind of had a similar talk. She didn't freak out or judge me. In fact she pretty much treated it as a non-issue...

Parents are different and if your mom (or dad) are really negative about it, you just have to try your best to assure them its not a big deal..

If its just HER problem or worry and your own embarrassment, you don't really need therapy. You may live under their roof right now... maybe she'll stipulate you can't do that sort of thing while there... hmm... I guess that's their right... but it shouldn't be any of their business to push therapy or make you feel "strange" unless you agree with them its a problem... If YOU thought it was a problem, then sure... try therapy. But most likely, you're just a normal freak like the rest of us.... LOL....

good luck, I've kind of been there... my mom was more accepting... but parents are different... :)

Re: Got caught, need help

Postby Scottstud94 » Wed Feb 17, 2010 8:59 pm

EVERY person hear fears or has feared this sorta thing. Unfortunately you got caught. So my advice:
1. Your 21 you don't have to go to therapy if you choose.
2. Your secret should remain a secret with your parents and they will likely as not try to avoid judging you.
3. Just play it cool, like it's secondary. Explain how some people are born a little different, and you by chance have a turn-on. So what?
Good luck, keep us informed.

Re: Got caught, need help

Postby sarobah » Thu Feb 18, 2010 6:30 am

At first I was going to suggest that you tell your mother “At least I’m not an axe murderer” but that would be frivolous.
Instead I will give an instance from my own experience. When my mother found out I was into real bondage and not just juvenile tie-up games, she was shocked. Not because she thought it was “sick” but she couldn’t understand why someone like me, an outspoken feminist, could be so submissive. She finally understood when I explained that (1) guys like to get tied up as well – she thought it was just a girl thing; (2) it can be empowering to be tied up; (3) anything that gives pleasure and isn’t destructive to self or others cannot be anything but good. But it took a while for her to get the message.
So my advice, for what it’s worth, is to be adamant that this is your life and you make your own choices, and she should respect that even if she does not approve our understand.
But be sympathetic, because she is dealing with something that is totally outside her normal experience.
And I shouldn’t worry about a shrink even if it came to that. Unless he/she is a complete unprofessional idiot, a psychiatrist or psychologist won’t condemn or try to “cure” you.
Words, like Nature, half reveal and half conceal the soul within.

Re: Got caught, need help

Postby anjell » Thu Feb 18, 2010 8:03 am

Look at the bright side of it now you don’t have to worry about being caught. don’t make a fuss that she should not tell any one, if you do it would only make it sound like you were doing something wrong. It may be embarrassing now but in the long run it well be better if someone you knew and trusted knew any way. Just remember she is your mother and in time she well understand.
Let's use all the colors.
Dust 'em, Pix!
Yup! That tasted purple!

Re: Got caught, need help

Postby Nuclearo » Thu Feb 18, 2010 4:28 pm

This really is only as much of a big deal as you make it. This is just like getting caught masturbating. It happens, it's embarrassing, but unless your parents are really extreme mostly nothing would come of it. Even if they take you to a shrink, he would just tell them that it's normal. My parents once saw a bondage movie I downloaded some years back. They threw some weird comments at me, asked me if I was a masochist, and it mostly blew over some days later.

I say don't worry. Being nervous won't help you.
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Re: Got caught, need help

Postby whatever747747 » Thu Feb 18, 2010 6:26 pm

Hey guys,

Turns out everything worked out for the best. Me and mom had a talk tonight. She just said she was worried about where it'd take me given how alien this concept is to her (yeah, I did skim close to sarobah's murderer comment both yesterday and today :) ) But in the end, words of reassurance coupled with her saying basically "I don't want to see you like that again" and me agreeing (meaning that if I do it again, I should do it more discretely, and I know how - although now it'll take a bit to get me in the mood again after this) amended things. Oh, and she didn't talk to my dad about it, which makes it so much more comfortable to me.

And yeah, I was a wreck that night, because she was a wreck, thus we built it up against each other. Sleeping fixed it and all paranoias about shrinks and whatnot.

Thanks everyone!

Re: Got caught, need help

Postby sarobah » Thu Feb 18, 2010 7:42 pm

Sweet.
:D
Sarah
Words, like Nature, half reveal and half conceal the soul within.

Re: Got caught, need help

Postby haloguy » Sat Feb 20, 2010 7:51 am

GOOD!!! now you are one step closer to completing your DESTINY!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! jk