## Pool Torment f/m

Post by Jon Snow » Fri Mar 25, 2016 4:47 am

Intro -
This is a fictional story about a lost bet.
A boy loses a bet with his girlfriend and refuses to pay the penalty.
So his girlfriend decides she has to punish him herself.

### Re: Pool Torment f/m

Post by Jon Snow » Sun Aug 14, 2016 9:19 am

Part 1 - Characters
Jimmy, 15, friendly and nice, if a little cocky.
Short brown hair, blue eyes.
Frances, 14, feisty and passionate.
Long black hair, green eyes.

### Re: Pool Torment f/m

Post by Jason Toddman » Sun Aug 14, 2016 10:07 pm

Why don't you wait until you have something actually worth reading before you post anything? You seem to do this quite a lot, and it is getting rather annoying.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

### Re: Pool Torment f/m

Post by Jon Snow » Thu Aug 18, 2016 5:49 am

We've had this discussion before.
This is the way I update my stories, and it works for me.
As I have said before, I have seen people start stories in massive chunks and then abandon them.
I have a methodology that stops me getting bored.
It's either wait for each part, or read the start and never see the finish.

### Re: Pool Torment f/m

Post by Jon Snow » Thu Aug 18, 2016 6:24 am

Also, I understand that it might be annoying to see a story having been updated and only see a summary being posted, but isn't that exactly the same as seeing a story updated and realising it was just a comment, not another part of the story?

### Re: Pool Torment f/m

Post by Jason Toddman » Thu Aug 18, 2016 8:04 am

No, it's not. I can see your logic and wondered such things myself but it's not the same thing. And I've been getting complaints about it too.
So kindly stop starting new stuff and get on with writing the stories you've begun first.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

### Re: Pool Torment f/m

Post by chadmc90 » Fri Aug 19, 2016 9:54 am

Okay, let me tell you what I think on this.
I get there's stories that don't get continued, but that's mostly because they don't get great feedback or the writer is too busy with other things. From what it seems, you barely post anything noteworthy for it to be called a decent story.
You need to slow down, focus on the details, and put in effort to make a GOOD story rather than try to have SEVERAL poorly written stories. No one likes reading vague stories with bland characters and little plot development. Time given to writing good stories is paramount, and if that means going a week without an update to provide a quality chapter then so be it. Your readers will highly appreciate a well written stories over several poorly written and rushed stories.
I'm not trying to put you down, but rather I'm trying to help you understand the readers feelings. Don't waste their time and they'll reward you generally.
Check out my latest story A Cowboy's Dream!
Feedback highly appreciated! Feel free to Private Message me if you prefer to not post on the public forum!

### Re: Pool Torment f/m

Post by Jon Snow » Sat Nov 05, 2016 5:22 am

Part 2 -
Frances was very angry.
She was sitting at the edge of her local pool in her skimpy hot pink bikini, her feet dangling in the water.
She had chosen her outfit well, knowing that it would help keep her boyfriend Jimmy's eyes on her.
That had been the plan, at least.
But apparently it hadn't worked.
Because Jimmy was paddling in the water, chatting to a pair of gorgeous blondes.
Frances sighed.
She loved Jimmy, she did.
He didn't mean to flirt, she knew he didn't.
He just let other girls get to him more than he should have.
Eventually, she decided she'd had enough.
Frances stood up and walked over to where Jimmy was.
She slipped into the water and swam up behind him, wrapping her arms gently around his neck.
Jimmy grinned.
"Hey there, beautiful. Miss me?"
The two blondes scowled and swam away.
Jimmy looked after them in confusion, making Frances subtly shake her head.
She had no idea how Jimmy never realised that the girls chatting to him all the time were flirting.
"I have a challenge for you," she said, whispering into Jimmy's ear.
Jimmy, a sporty sort, perked up at the sound of that.
"What sort of challenge?" he asked, his curiosity piqued.
Frances hid her smile by leaning against his neck.
She had him right where she wanted him.
If this went to plan, Jimmy would never look at another girl again.
"It's more like a bet, really," she said. "I bet that you can't beat me in a race from one side of the pool to the other."
Jimmy scoffed. "Easy."
His cockiness amused her almost as much as it irritated her.
Her boyfriend was a lovely, sweet guy, but prone to arrogance.
"Hold on a second, tough guy," she purred, putting a finger in the centre of his chest. "We need to set the stakes."
Jimmy grinned. "If I win?"
Frances fixed him with a seductive smile, wrapping her legs firmly around his waist as she did so.
"You can do whatever you want with me tonight, at my house."
Jimmy's eyes boggled. "You mean...?"
Frances' eyes flashed. "Anything..."
Jimmy looked so excited, Frances almost hated to break his bubble.
Almost.
She gave him a wicked grin and tightened her legs.
"Of course, you have to do whatever I want if you lose..."
Jimmy raised his eyebrows. "You mean I'll be your love slave?"
Frances cocked her head. "Is it a deal?"
Jimmy paused.
Then he nodded.
"Deal."

### Re: Pool Torment f/m

Post by Jon Snow » Thu May 18, 2017 2:54 am

Part 3 -
Frances walked with her boyfriend to the deep end of the pool.
She held her head down to hide her smile.
Jimmy, with his sports and athleticism and male ego, thought he had this contest in the bag.
But it had been rigged from the start.
As they reached the end of the pool, they found two unused lanes.
"First to three laps?" Jimmy suggested.
Frances nodded.
She didn't trust herself to speak without laughing in triumph.
As she curled her toes over the edge of the pool, Frances thought about how much work she'd put into her legs.
She was a gymnast, and she did martial arts part-time as a hobby.
But, most catastrophically, she went swimming regularly.
She had known what she was doing when she made the bet.
Poor Jimmy didn't stand a chance.