Jennie and Mikala

Postby lozzanozza » Thu Apr 16, 2009 9:55 am

Jennie: 14, tall, fair skin, long blonde hair, > Twin of M
Mickala: 14, tall, fair skin, long blonde hair>Twin of J

"Hey, that was my easter egg, you owe me one now!" Mikala shouted at Jennie
"Like hell was it yours, so no way will i get you one!" Jennie shaid smugly back
"Illget you, i will", and left grinning to herself. That night Mickala went inot her garage and got some of her dads duct tap, 3 rolls to be pricise, and a pair of her brothers socks.
She crept into her twin sisters room and pulled her out of her bed and clamped a hand over her mouth
"I told you id get you back" And stuffed a sock into her mouth and secured it in place with masses of duct tape, she continued to tie Jennies hands behind her back, her elbows (not too tightly), her ankles, knees and thighs. By this point Jennie was stuggling and making quite a bit of noise and because Mikala didnt want her parents t wake up she put Jennie back into her bed and duct taped the mattress around her like a sausage roll and rolled her onto the ground leaving her there.

Mikala set an alarm for 7:00, and hour before her parents got up and untied Jennie
"Well well, your not to tell mam or dad, ok?"
"I wasnt gonna you bitch, but wait for you turn you shit, i fucking hate you"

And Jennie pushed Mikala out of her room and all mikala could think was A Job Well Done

Re: Jennie and Mikala

Postby Fesselfan » Fri Apr 24, 2009 3:56 am

I have to say a "conditional yes".
I like the basic setting and premise. However, that is all which is there. IMHO the story needs much more fleshing out before being good. And a spell checker won't hurt, either ;)
So, if you manage to add in these parts: yes, the more the merrier.
If it stays that brief and nondescript: no, no need of it.

Cheers

FF
There are 10 kind of people in the world.
Those who understand binary numeral system, and those who don't.

Re: Jennie and Mikala

Postby ducttapelover » Tue May 12, 2009 4:21 pm

I definitly think you should do more. But he is right about the shortness add a backstory or add detil about the night is all.
Ducttape is the answer to any argument

Re: Jennie and Mikala

Postby lozzanozza » Sat Jun 06, 2009 10:56 am

Fesselfan wrote:I have to say a "conditional yes".
I like the basic setting and premise. However, that is all which is there. IMHO the story needs much more fleshing out before being good. And a spell checker won't hurt, either ;)
So, if you manage to add in these parts: yes, the more the merrier.
If it stays that brief and nondescript: no, no need of it.

Cheers

FF


Thanks guy :) how do you propose i add more detail, i am slighty confuzzled :)

Re: Jennie and Mikala

Postby lasse672000 » Sat Jun 06, 2009 11:19 am

I agree with FF. A spell check wouldn't hurt and please watch your language. Remember it's PG13. Other than that, please continue!
Whazzzz up!.

Re: Jennie and Mikala

Postby ducttapelover » Sat Jun 06, 2009 9:33 pm

You can describe the setting, character response or things like that
Ducttape is the answer to any argument