## S&M makes me uncomfortable?

Post by mikeybound » Wed May 15, 2013 6:36 am

I've noticed that behavior in tugs that seems cruel or painful makes me feel disturbed and upset, especially when it isn't clear what's consented to and what's improvised. I feel like this is a double standard of mine, all things considered. How should I deal with this? I don't wanna be one of those types that judge people.

### Re: S&M makes me uncomfortable?

Post by FelixSH » Wed May 15, 2013 9:04 am

Don´t worry about it. I, too, have a problem with the more hardcore stuff. I guess every person has some line, where everything beyond that line makes the person uncomfortable.
Just don´t judge these things, or the people who like it. As long as we are only talking about fantasy, everything is ok, and no one should be judged for his fetishes, especially not on a site like this one.

### Re: S&M makes me uncomfortable?

Post by SamanthaBoundx » Wed May 15, 2013 9:40 am

It's fine to feel uncomfortable about something or to personally dislike something - the important thing is just that you don't judge those who do enjoy it.
I think the important thing to remember is that s&m is generally pretty much entirely consensual - just like tugs. Because there's so much scope for things to go wrong, people involved in s&m activities will generally discuss their preferences, what they're comfortable with and what they're not comfortable with in great detail in advance. So even if within a scenario, it doesn't seem like someone is giving consent or that the dom is just improvising what to do without checking it with their sub first, chances are it's already been okayed outside of the situation. Also remember that consent doesn't necessarily mean saying, "You are allowed to do this specific thing to me" - it can also be a case of merely saying "I want you to do whatever you want". Just like in bondage, where subs sometimes actively don't like to have any say in what happens to them, subs involved in s&m will feel the same way. It probably just seems non-consensual to you because you probably don't understand why people enjoy being in pain (which is fair enough - I can't say I really understand it either). But from what I can tell, the more hardcore the activity, the more likely it is that the people taking part will be incredibly careful about setting out their boundaries beforehand.
Obviously if consent blatantly hasn't been provided in the situation and the sub isn't happy about it, then you have every right to feel disturbed and upset about it. But no more disturbed and upset than you should feel if you were to hear about a standard bondage situation in which consent wasn't given and the sub clearly isn't happy about it.
Basically, just try to keep an open mind. It's fine to not like something and know that it's not something you would want to engage in - but at the end of the day, a fetish is a fetish and people don't exactly choose to have them, so it's important not to judge people simply because it's something that they DO enjoy. Maybe try talking to someone who is into it who would be able to explain why they enjoy it? I'm sure there are plenty of people on this board, and having more direct contact would help you to understand it a little more. And if you just can't get your head around it then that's fine too - just avoid commenting on it, to make sure that you don't upset or offend anyone

### Re: S&M makes me uncomfortable?

Post by mikeybound » Wed May 15, 2013 10:53 am

I actually tried talking to the author of a story that got this reaction from me. He replied and said he'd answer my questions, but he was in the middle of a tug. I imagine he's been a bit tied up recently.

### Re: S&M makes me uncomfortable?

Post by Lake Lover » Wed May 15, 2013 6:23 pm

Well, Mikey, how the heck can anyone not be judgmental about a person who does something that really seems nuts to you? I dislike a lot of things-- for instance cutting, and scat play, and gut punching. There are lots of other actions which roil me, too. I have never seen any of those activities in real life where I was present. I have seen some in videos. When I do see it, its a major turn-off for me, and yes, I strongly feel the person performing such acts is wrong, maybe crazy, and I don't feel a bit guilty for my feelings toward them!

### Re: S&M makes me uncomfortable?

Post by Fesselfan » Wed May 15, 2013 10:19 pm

What's the problem? Don't do things you dont like, wether it is S&M or collecting stamps. After all, its your free time (no matter how restrained you might be during it) so why spend it with things you don't like?
Cheers
FF
There are 10 kind of people in the world.
Those who understand binary numeral system, and those who don't.

### Re: S&M makes me uncomfortable?

Post by NemesisPrime » Thu May 16, 2013 8:43 am

> mikeybound wrote:I actually tried talking to the author of a story that got this reaction from me. He replied and said he'd answer my questions, but he was in the middle of a tug. I imagine he's been a bit tied up recently.

I personally feel that the author you're talking about has already given his consent because what was said in the thread was even though he dispised it at the time he smiled afterwards admiting he liked and was okay with it.
Now in said thread I didn't like the idea of the shock collar on hs foot as that doesn't really jive well with me but afterwards from his POV at least there were no hard feelings and they had a good time so in my book it's all good and was even stated that the collar was tested on various settings so as not to cause too much pain.
I understand your feelings though Mikey and while it may make you uncomfotable that's just their version of TUGs though it does tend to cross into kink terratory more than once imo.
Everyone speaks in multiple languages...But gag talk is universal and a sock in your mouth is the perfect translator!

### Re: S&M makes me uncomfortable?

Post by mikeybound » Thu May 16, 2013 9:59 am

Not just that but the knocking out. It's fine as a fantasy, but real life is a different matter. When they covered his nose and mouth to make him unconscious, he didn't struggle because he was afraid of falling in his head. This seems like dangerous behavior. They also exploit a weakness of his that was supposed to be a secret. How are people okay with this stuff being done to them?

### Re: S&M makes me uncomfortable?

Post by NemesisPrime » Thu May 16, 2013 11:00 am

> mikeybound wrote:Not just that but the knocking out. It's fine as a fantasy, but real life is a different matter. When they covered his nose and mouth to make him unconscious, he didn't struggle because he was afraid of falling in his head. This seems like dangerous behavior. They also exploit a weakness of his that was supposed to be a secret. How are people okay with this stuff being done to them?

Some just are. People have certian ablities that allow them to adapt to those kinds of situations and enjoy them. Now to exploiting of a weakness is reperhenseable because you're right it was meant to be a secret but from the discriptions it seemed they don't expolit it from the get go but on this point I do agree.
At least with the shoulder pads he evens the odds a bit.
Everyone speaks in multiple languages...But gag talk is universal and a sock in your mouth is the perfect translator!

### Re: S&M makes me uncomfortable?

Post by mikeybound » Thu May 16, 2013 11:33 am

Did yo miss the part about falling on his head? He said he was afraid he'd get paralyzed.

### Re: S&M makes me uncomfortable?

Post by NemesisPrime » Thu May 16, 2013 12:00 pm

> mikeybound wrote:Did yo miss the part about falling on his head? He said he was afraid he'd get paralyzed.

Yeah I read it but he was limp at the time as stated and he said it was only a few steps.
Everyone speaks in multiple languages...But gag talk is universal and a sock in your mouth is the perfect translator!

### Re: S&M makes me uncomfortable?

Post by mikeybound » Thu May 16, 2013 12:31 pm

He said that's all it takes to paralyze a guy. And if he was limp why would he say he was worried about struggling?

### Re: S&M makes me uncomfortable?

Post by NemesisPrime » Thu May 16, 2013 1:13 pm

He said he WASN'T worried about struggling because since he was limp he was no point.
Everyone speaks in multiple languages...But gag talk is universal and a sock in your mouth is the perfect translator!

### Re: S&M makes me uncomfortable?

Post by mikeybound » Thu May 16, 2013 5:29 pm

> NemesisPrime wrote:He said he WASN'T worried about struggling because since he was limp he was no point.

This here.
"I then flipped upside down in the air and got stuck to my wall upside down unable to move at all partially out of fear as I knew even a drop of a few inches, head first can paralyze you. They all started laughing. Rory then pinched my nose, causing me not being able to breathe at all, I did not resist as I was too scared of falling, and I blacked out."

### Re: S&M makes me uncomfortable?

Post by SamanthaBoundx » Thu May 16, 2013 11:43 pm

To be fair, if it's the potential for serious damage/death that bothers you about s&m, then I don't see why bondage doesn't bother you too? Because so many people practice it unsafely. Just on this website, there are endless stories of people gagging themselves overnight (suffocation, anyone?) and people saying how they like to tie their subs so tightly that they couldn't escape if they tried (yay, nerve damage ftw!). But because we're all so used to hearing stuff like that on here, we all shrug and go, "Oh, okay, cool" - but when you think about it, they're actually incredibly dangerous things to do.
Granted the activities in the story you're describing sound very dangerous and potentially non-consensual (although I haven't read the whole thing, so I'm not sure?) - in which case it would make me very uncomfortable too. But there is also a scary amount of standard bondage stories on here where the practices sound very dangerous and potentially non-consensual too - just a little less obviously so. Just remember that most people who engage in BDSM are generally incredibly safe - although the intention is to cause pain, they make sure to do it in a way that limits actual damage. Which is an important distinction to make. After the whole 50 Shades Of Grey thing blew up, there have actually been a load of really good documentaries about people and professionals who live the S&M lifestyle - it might be worth watching one for a better understanding of what it's all really about?

### Re: S&M makes me uncomfortable?

Post by SamanthaBoundx » Thu May 16, 2013 11:43 pm

Sorry! Accidental repost!

### Re: S&M makes me uncomfortable?

Post by henry1001 » Sun May 19, 2013 6:00 am

> NemesisPrime wrote:He said he WASN'T worried about struggling because since he was limp he was no point.

I have a name you know...
Safety is what matters in anything tug related... It should always be prioritized.
You are unique, Just like everybody else!

### Re: S&M makes me uncomfortable?

Post by NemesisPrime » Sun May 19, 2013 6:51 am

I agree, that's what this whole thread has been about James/Alex. (depending on who's in control)
Everyone speaks in multiple languages...But gag talk is universal and a sock in your mouth is the perfect translator!

### Re: S&M makes me uncomfortable?

Post by mikeybound » Sun May 19, 2013 7:38 am

> henry1001 wrote:

> > NemesisPrime wrote:He said he WASN'T worried about struggling because since he was limp he was no point.

> I have a name you know...
> Safety is what matters in anything tug related... It should always be prioritized.

Assuming this is James, didn't you say you were worried about hurting yourself?