Alyssa and Olivia taken by surprise

Postby randomentity » Tue Aug 07, 2012 4:18 pm

Nice story! I like the morals lol. Huge improvement on your writing style! :) The punctuation and paragraphs are very helpful.

Now to make even better stories, more detail is never amiss! :) Such as more detailed conversational exchange between characters, a little information on the 'setting/environment', and a description of the character's looks, vague or in-depth at the author's whim. (Again, just to be helpfully constructive lol), but definitely, the improvements already are very good! :)