A serious question

Postby chloroformmeplease » Sat Aug 14, 2010 9:03 pm

I was wondering who in this forum is ashamed or embarassed by their TUG's or other fetishes they have? If so,why?
Treat others as you wish to be treated. Having said that I will not sit idly by while someone is disrespecting another just because they think they are better than everyone else.

Re: A serious question

Postby ropendope » Sat Aug 14, 2010 10:21 pm

Im not ashamed but sometimes i wonder whats so great about a girl with her hands and legs pinned together.

Re: A serious question

Postby Writer » Sat Aug 14, 2010 10:44 pm

I guess I could be ashamed of myself for liking something that is affiliated to pain and torture if not in the context of a game. Sometimes, I feel as if I go against my morals by playing, and that makes me feel bad. Dunno if I should stop or go anymore...
Tie me up, put a sock in my mouth, I promise I won't struggle~

Finding aura is a difficult task

Re: A serious question

Postby Nuclearo » Sat Aug 14, 2010 10:55 pm

Depends on what you'd call "ashamed". I personally think there's nothing wrong with it and never thought badly of myself for liking any of my fetishes. On the other hand, there's shame as in not wanting people to know, because you know that a lot of people do consider this as something "shameful". The fact that I hide it, that does give me some shame.
Join our irc channel!! http://chat.mibbit.com/#tugsnet It's fun!!

Re: A serious question

Postby Jason Toddman » Sun Aug 15, 2010 10:44 pm

In my case, where I have numerous fetishes that I am fully aware are considered by many to be nothing short of perverted, I'd have to say that shame about my self identity has been a life-long problem. It has greatly affected my self confidence and self esteem and made me shy around new people - a tendency already aggravated by having Asperger's Syndrome. This is one of the reasons why I have not actively particpated in TuGs for many years, even though I still enjoy them and fantasize about them. The totality of my fetishes I fear would be overwhelming for most people - even perhaps most Tuggers - even though I am generally passive. Especially the sitting part, which for me is by far my strongest fetish (even stronger than TuGs themselves are for me).
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

Re: A serious question

Postby Fesselfan » Mon Aug 16, 2010 12:54 am

Well...ages ago, in my puberty, I felt ashamed for what I like. However...one might argue that in that phase of life "being ashamed" is the default.

Today, I don't feel ashame for my kinks anymore. I accept that not everyone likes them, some are appaled by them- but that's something different. I know the fact that things I like are not "mainstream" or "vanilla"- but again this has nothing to do with shame, just with the way you talk bout such things with others.

Cheers

FF
There are 10 kind of people in the world.
Those who understand binary numeral system, and those who don't.

Re: A serious question

Postby Boundgal08 » Mon Aug 16, 2010 5:53 am

I am not ashamed or embarrased about my kinks, they are my own personal choices, and if its something I like its something I like, other people's opinions don't matter to me, I have loved it for many years and only a select few know of my kinky ways, my mum being one at first yes she was a little sceptical about it, and she did ask me 101 questions about it, but then she got used to the idea, though we don't play much any more, we still enjoyed our times playing together. My best friend also knows of my kinks and she used to play tie ups with me everyday. Two of my other friends used to play tie ups with me, but of course they do not know of my kinks, as we have all grown out of that 'play thing' now. I don't think anyone else knows about it really... my ex bf knew about it, and he also liked bondage... so it was good both ways I guess.
But as I said I am not ashamed of my likes... its my choice and I will simply fulfil my needs! :)

BG
BOUNDGIRL!
Probably the kinkiest woman you will ever meet!
I am a switch, I like to put a man in ropes and also have a man put me in ropes!
I am the 'Queen of bondage'

Re: A serious question

Postby chloroformmeplease » Mon Aug 16, 2010 6:30 am

I just wanted to make some comments after seeing the replies I have received thus far on my questions.

I think when you are a kid say between 6 or maybe 7 until your early teens it is easier to play harmless tie up games with your friends. it is actually not out of the ordinary to play such games. Most children have done this at one time or another with their friends. Some people grow up still liking this type of play while others never give it another thought.

Someone mentioned that by hiding their fetishes it gives them shame to hide them. Just as I see that people should not wear their hearts on theirs sleeves they should also not advertise their fetishes to the public or perhaps even to people who are close to them. I don't think it is also a fear that you will be judged I simply see it as just a part of your life that does not need to be broadcasted to others. Of course there are those who fear being judged. I would have to say in my opinion the people that fear being judged are younger people in their teens or twenties.

I seriously think once you begin to get older you care less about being judged. Please note that I say this as a general statement as not all people will feel this way. As for me I seriously do not care who knows what my kinks are and I fear not about being judged. Most who know me know I have kinks but they are puzzled often to figure out what they are. They never actually come right out and ask me because perhaps they fear to tread there as I do not.

As you go through life you experience more therefore you learn more about yourself and others around you. Most people have some sort of fear but if your fetish is harmless then why fear it or be shamed of it. I have learned to embrace my fetishes which is part of the reason I joined this forum. It is a nice feeling to know you are not alone and that people from all over the world have similar fetishes. I understand it would be easier if these people all lived within traveling distance from you.

I know that when you are younger it is harder to understand your fetishes and also harder to obtain things you need to play them out. The major thing is always trust the person you are playing with and make sure you do not go overboard and hurt someone. I am not talking about spanking someone just make sure you do not permantently damage them and never push them too far if they are not on your level of play yet.

I would like to see our community on this board be one that helps one another when we feel like freaks or just out of place. One more point I wish to make is that you would be surprised at some fo the people you know personally that are also into TUG's or other fetishes and they too feel they cannot share it with anyone. Thus you are not alone and it will surprise if you ever do find out just who is into what.
Treat others as you wish to be treated. Having said that I will not sit idly by while someone is disrespecting another just because they think they are better than everyone else.

Re: A serious question

Postby haloguy » Mon Aug 16, 2010 6:41 am

I am not exactly ashamed about anything, I would be embarrassed if someone besides one of my friends in the know found out.

some of my fetishes I would not divulge to anyone but on this board when everyone here is known only by their username or first name

Re: A serious question

Postby chloroformmeplease » Mon Aug 16, 2010 10:06 pm

haloguy wrote:I am not exactly ashamed about anything, I would be embarrassed if someone besides one of my friends in the know found out.

some of my fetishes I would not divulge to anyone but on this board when everyone here is known only by their username or first name


Main Entry: ashamed
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: regretting, remorseful
Synonyms: abashed, apologetic, bashful, blushing, chagrined, compunctious, conscience-stricken, contrite, crestfallen, debased, demeaned, discomfited, disconcerted, distraught, distressed, embarrassed, flustered, guilty, hesitant, humble, humbled, humiliated, meek, mortified, muddled, penitent, regretful, reluctant, repentant, shamed, shamefaced, sheepish, shy, sorry, stammering, stuttering, submissive
Antonyms: bold, defiant, immodest, not sorry, shameless, unregretful, unremorseful, unself-conscious

My point being that ashamed and embarrassed mean the same thing.
Treat others as you wish to be treated. Having said that I will not sit idly by while someone is disrespecting another just because they think they are better than everyone else.

Re: A serious question

Postby Fesselfan » Mon Aug 16, 2010 10:16 pm

It could very well have something to do with age...or more specifically, with maturity. If you watch the members of this board for example, you see (almost) the whole spectrum: "old hands", young curious, wannabes, shy ones...and so on.
Fantasies about tying are not that uncommon, though- a not-too-small percantage of the people have them. In fact, once ones own "fog in the mind" has lifted, it's not very hard to find someone to share the fetish.
If you look at all these "I cannot find someone" people, you will notice that (generalisation!!!) most of them make the same mistake.

Cheers

FF
There are 10 kind of people in the world.
Those who understand binary numeral system, and those who don't.

Re: A serious question

Postby Jason Toddman » Mon Aug 16, 2010 10:38 pm

Fesselfan wrote:If you look at all these "I cannot find someone" people, you will notice that (generalisation!!!) most of them make the same mistake.


That's a bit of an oversimplication, FF. It isn't just a matter of finding people who are into TuGs. It's a matter of finding ones you can trust and find appealing (and who find you appealing as well) without telling the whole town/city about your fetishes in the process. Some people like to keep their liking for TuGs (and whatever other fetishes they have) a secret from everyone else, you know. And perhaps some of us don't want to be tied by people just because they show an interest in doing so either. It'd be nice if we could just put an ad and the paper and get a response from the perfect Tugger, but the real world isn't like that! Maybe if you're a kid it is (it's easy when you're a kid!) but for older adults like me meeting new people for TuGs isn't easy at all!
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

Re: A serious question

Postby chloroformmeplease » Mon Aug 16, 2010 11:25 pm

When I mentioned not playing with just anyone who is into TUG's also I was referring to someone you could trust to not hurt you or that would let you go after the playing part was over. Now that I see some posts about trust and finding someone I cannot limit the trust factor on what I originally meant about trust. I see you also need to find someone you can trust to not tell the entire town that you have a TUG fetish.

Granted I am not ashamed of any of my fetishes but yes at the same time I do not need my reputation tainted in any way. What I mean is if my reputation is heard of before they meet me I do not need or want to be defined by others according to my fetishes. Discretion is always welcome and expected when I indulge my fetishes and fantasies.

It is ironic that is speaking for myself anyways, that I think when you are younger TUG's is easier because you are not thinking so much of a sexual nature as you are when you get older. I mean if being tied or tying someone gets you sexualy aroused when you are older you might find it harder to find someone suitable for your needs yet at the same time you might be more open about your fetishes. I say leave your mind open to the possibilities of finding someone you never thought would enjoy the same things you enjoy. People are trying to hide their fetishes because they are either ashamed or have ti protect their reputation for whatever reason. Most people do however give off certain vibes or even talk about being tied up jokingly. I find those people are either curious about it or already into it.

I always tell my friends who say they are having difficulty in their sex life with boyfriend or girlfriend to buy some handcuffs,rope,gags and a small whip and hoop it up a little bit. Some variety and some spice never hurt anyone. I also joke about handcuffs and the like often but I never tell them which side of the spectrum I am on. Ok I can't say never because when asked I do tell but of course not everything. If they want to know about me they have to share themselves also. I have one friend like that and her and I talk all of the time. I hope we do some more pics again soon. I would love to be tied up by her this time and not just handcuffed.

I would like to keep this thread going for people who need to talk about TUG's and other fetiishes also. Perhaps we can all support one another.
Be well my fellow tuggers. :big:
Treat others as you wish to be treated. Having said that I will not sit idly by while someone is disrespecting another just because they think they are better than everyone else.

Re: A serious question

Postby Fesselfan » Mon Aug 16, 2010 11:41 pm

Much truth in these lasts postings.
I still say it's like so many matters in life- many complications come from ones own mind and attitude.
Things with TUGs are not much more complicated than in "vanilla" there. You need to trust somone, you (most likely) don't want something private spilled all over town. You want someone with whom you share the right vibrations.
Some people have no problems finding a partner, others have...and some are inable to life a partnership. Nothing different with TUGers here, either.
If you want to be "sucessfull", you need self conscience...and the ability to accept a refusal.

Here comes the main problem IMHO many "TUG" people have: they are insecure. Yes, they feel that somewhere they want a certain something. But what exactly? And do they really want to live it out? Have they accepted it a 100%?
These are- of course- understandable questions, especially at the beginning of the journey. However, often this insecurity is felt by others...and in general, people prefer other people who are at least somehow self-secure...

Cheers

FF
There are 10 kind of people in the world.
Those who understand binary numeral system, and those who don't.

Re: A serious question

Postby chloroformmeplease » Tue Aug 17, 2010 5:29 am

True FF which is why so many women lately who lack self confidence are attracted to me. The thing is I do not wish to be in a codependent relationship. I want a woman who knows what she wants and is not shy about getting it.

I always seek a woman who is secure not only about her fetishes, ie TUG's etc but in her everyday vanilla life. I have an ex-girlfriend who wants to be with me. She wants to know what I want from her on an intimate level. She is expecting an email from me listing the things I like and I of course not talking about camping,fishing or long walks on the beach or riding my motorcycle.

I have played with her before but that was some years ago when we were together. It seems as though everything we do I figuratively have to take her by the hand and lead her to different things. One might say I have an opportunity to mold her into whatever I wish. I don't want that I want someone who is secure enough to do this on their own and not have to be scripted by me. One can explain their fantasies to others but if said person does not already have this inside of them to perform tug's or any other private fetish as it were it will not satisfy the person scripting it. I was with someone else other then the person I already referred to and started to mold her as well. Right smack dab in the middle as I am tied up she removes the gag from me and says, "what do you want me to do now"? Sorry but what a buzz kill it was to me. I told her to untie me and let me go as I was no longer into it. She got upset and complained that she was new to this and didn't know what I wanted even after I explained myself to her and now years later I find myself on the same road with a different person.

I guess I want somewhat of what I experienced in my younger years only not 24/7 as it was then. I still find myself seeking a strong mature in nature woman who stands upon on her own heeled two feet and does it with grace and strength.

I also consider myself a well spoken person and please do not take this wrong as I am not boasting nor am I being cocky either. The first woman I spoke of sends me emails which read like this.
"hi i just wanted too say what you said two me was oddvieous and I'm not stewpid so don't treet me like i am".
I at the very least wish the woman in my life to be literate as well.

Anyways finding the right one is hard enough in the vanilla world never mind tug or fetishes but that complicates it all the more and I agree 100% percent. We all have fantasies and some of ours are more vivid then others are the bottom line is do you actually wish to live them out?

I asked her what her fantasy was and she said it is to have sex on the beach. She gave no details or anything to go with that whatsoever. I am sorry but wanting to have sex on the beach is not a sexually fantasy it is merely a location in which to want to have sex. Then I probe further to understand she likes the fear of being caught so now I see it is a fetish not a fantasy. I do not wish to do this anywhere that someone will be watching me. I am not into that but perhaps some of you are and I don't knock it is simply not for me.

Where I come from if you get caught and arrested for that and found guilty you then must register in your town as a sex offender. Then wherever you move you must continue to do the same. This would get you kicked or social circles as well as volunteer work in your community and ruin your reputation forever not to mention your name would be on a list for all to see on the net and in your post office. I explained this to her and she told me I should live a little. She is being immature about it. Because I am a secure person this seems to be the type of woman that is attracted to me. Yes it is very difficult when I live in a society where well to do women seem to be more attracted to guys who have nothing going for them and these women wish to save them. Yes all of this is connected to the questions I first asked in this thread. They all intertwine with one another through others thoughts and experiences and opinions.

In short when picking a tug partner please use your head and discretion. Don't play with someone you are unsure of just to have your fun because in the end it will not be worth it.
Treat others as you wish to be treated. Having said that I will not sit idly by while someone is disrespecting another just because they think they are better than everyone else.

Re: A serious question

Postby Chris12 » Tue Aug 17, 2010 7:05 am

I'm not really ashamed because it isn't a fetish to me just some harmless pranks

Re: A serious question

Postby anjell » Wed Aug 18, 2010 7:47 pm

as...ham...ed what is this word you speak of it is not in my vocabulary.
Let's use all the colors.
Dust 'em, Pix!
Yup! That tasted purple!

Re: A serious question

Postby chloroformmeplease » Wed Aug 18, 2010 9:05 pm

anjell wrote:as...ham...ed what is this word you speak of it is not in my vocabulary.


What are you talking about?
Treat others as you wish to be treated. Having said that I will not sit idly by while someone is disrespecting another just because they think they are better than everyone else.

Re: A serious question

Postby anjell » Wed Aug 18, 2010 9:14 pm

i have never been ashamed of any thing i have ever done/thought. hence why the word would have no meaning to me.
Let's use all the colors.
Dust 'em, Pix!
Yup! That tasted purple!

Re: A serious question

Postby chloroformmeplease » Thu Aug 19, 2010 1:43 pm

anjell wrote:i have never been ashamed of any thing i have ever done/thought. hence why the word would have no meaning to me.

I was thrown off by the way you typed it. As if you were given me some hidden meaning or something. Some people are ashamed or confused about their fetishes and with good reason. Society frowns upon such things and they try to make people look like outcasts of some sort.
Treat others as you wish to be treated. Having said that I will not sit idly by while someone is disrespecting another just because they think they are better than everyone else.

Re: A serious question

Postby Kyle » Thu Aug 19, 2010 3:44 pm

Ashamed? No. I would be embarrassed if someone found out and I wouldn't want to have to deal with someone judging me. It would be embarrassing but the main thing is it would be annoying to deal with. So far, excluding people I know only online, only 2 people know for sure about my...interest. Another one probably has an idea but I haven't dared ask in case they haven't put 2 and 2 together.

Really though, unless you do this specifically as a game, it's not something I think you should be advertising in the first place. You shouldn't be ashamed of it but everyone doesn't have to know it either.

Re: A serious question

Postby Jay Feely » Thu Sep 02, 2010 5:30 am

All of my friends support it, so no, I am not ashamed at this moment, but at my younger teen life, I was for the following reasons:

1. I did not had a girlfriend yet, so it just seemed weird and abnormal.
2. Most of my friends had other hobbies not related to bondage, and it was embarrassing for me.
3. My parents were not very supportive of my fetish life, as they were pure Christians and it went aganist their religion.

Now, I try to hide it from my parents, while making friends who does like bondage and torture and interrogation scenes so I am able to pursue it while maintaining my composure.
You will have to subdue me to restrain me. I been a bad boy so make sure you torture me too with anything but pain.

Re: A serious question

Postby josh » Thu Sep 30, 2010 5:56 pm

haloguy wrote:I am not exactly ashamed about anything, I would be embarrassed if someone besides one of my friends in the know found out.

some of my fetishes I would not divulge to anyone but on this board when everyone here is known only by their username or first name


thats how i feel, not ashamed of what i like, but i would be embarresed. I have pondered on the thought of why public and sociaety's opinion's matter so much. didnt get much. i like what i do and what i like. i guess the world of teenagers in high school just arnt as ready to accept that as I might have hoped.

Oh, and for my fetish, i like girls feet alot.
also tying (obivious) and tickling.