Joke

Postby xtc » Tue Apr 19, 2016 1:41 pm

Having a REALLY crappy day.
Tell me a joke.
Boxer shorts are cool,
but little speedos rule!

More by the same author: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=22729

Re: Joke

Postby AlexUSA » Tue Apr 19, 2016 2:05 pm

Why when tropical cyclones are dissipating are they said to be going Napoleonic?

Because they're Blownaparte!
I rite on a tabblit, so speling errurs will hap pin free quintly.

Re: Joke

Postby xtc » Tue Apr 19, 2016 2:40 pm

That's what I need: class!
Thanks, friend.

Q. What's the difference between a a street trader and a dachshund?
A. One bawls his wares on the road and the other . . .
Boxer shorts are cool,
but little speedos rule!

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Re: Joke

Postby Jay Feely » Tue Apr 19, 2016 4:03 pm

A man hears knocking at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?’
You will have to subdue me to restrain me. I been a bad boy so make sure you torture me too with anything but pain.

Re: Joke

Postby truly_trussed » Tue Apr 19, 2016 6:05 pm

Mom's cleaning the bedroom of her 13 year old son. She finds a porn magazine hidden away. Specifically S&M porn. She's very upset and shows it to her husband. She asks what are we gonna do. Dad puts his hand to his chin a ponders. After a few minutes he says "I don't know what we're going to do but I'll tell you what we're not going to do. We're not going to spank him!" :spank; cheers

Re: Joke

Postby Jason Toddman » Tue Apr 19, 2016 6:28 pm

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To prove he wasn't chicken.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

Re: Joke

Postby xtc » Wed Apr 20, 2016 3:04 am

Thank you, gentlemen.
Boxer shorts are cool,
but little speedos rule!

More by the same author: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=22729

Re: Joke

Postby 31acujoker » Wed Apr 20, 2016 4:24 am

What do a gun without a firing pin and a council worker have in common?

They don't work and they can't be fired (bu-dum tssss!)
"A thing is not beautiful because it lasts"
- The Vision

Re: Joke

Postby Domination » Wed Apr 20, 2016 11:35 am

Why do babies use baby walkers...

Because they're WALKables...

Ba-dum-tss
Woah, don't mind if I do.

Re: Joke

Postby xtc » Wed Apr 20, 2016 12:00 pm

Did you hear about the woman who sat on the bacon slicer? Disaster!
Boxer shorts are cool,
but little speedos rule!

More by the same author: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=22729

Re: Joke

Postby SolidSnickerdoodle » Wed Apr 20, 2016 1:10 pm

I went to a zoo and the only animal they had was a dog.
It was a shih tzu.
There is only one God, and his name is Death. And there is only one thing we say to Death: Not today.

Re: Joke

Postby xtc » Wed Apr 20, 2016 1:22 pm

Q. How do you cook sausages in the jungle?
A. Put them under a gorilla.
Boxer shorts are cool,
but little speedos rule!

More by the same author: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=22729

Re: Joke

Postby drawscore » Wed Apr 20, 2016 4:49 pm

Do you know the difference between toilet paper and the shower curtain?

Oh! So you're the one!

Re: Joke

Postby riplord » Wed Apr 20, 2016 7:43 pm

How much dirt is in a hole 3' wide,3' deep and 3' across?

None! There's no dirt in a hole!

Re: Joke

Postby Domination » Thu Apr 21, 2016 12:03 pm

What is 0 ÷ 0.

Haha.
Woah, don't mind if I do.

Re: Joke

Postby xtc » Thu Apr 21, 2016 12:43 pm

Not a joke but basic mathematics:

0 ÷ 0 is undefined because, division being defined as the inverse of multiplication, there is no solution to the expression 0 × n ≠ 0.

Sorry about the large type, I'm not shouting, it's just that the smaller type wasn't clear. HONEST!
Boxer shorts are cool,
but little speedos rule!

More by the same author: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=22729

Re: Joke

Postby AlexUSA » Thu Apr 21, 2016 12:59 pm

I know some off-color math jokes, but kids are reading this... :P
I rite on a tabblit, so speling errurs will hap pin free quintly.

Re: Joke

Postby xtc » Thu Apr 21, 2016 1:16 pm

AlexUSA wrote:I know some off-color math jokes, but kids are reading this... :P


Yeah! Now let's talk about the different degrees of infinity. :twisted:
What a good job I can't get א and its subscripts to print properly!
(א) Ooooh Look, it worked!
Boxer shorts are cool,
but little speedos rule!

More by the same author: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=22729

Re: Joke

Postby Domination » Fri Apr 22, 2016 11:00 am

;-; I'm not undefined... Hey I'm clever too.

2-1 = 0
Woah, don't mind if I do.

Re: Joke

Postby 31acujoker » Sat Apr 23, 2016 12:56 pm

Please don't bring maths into this guys, it was the bane of my high school existence :P
"A thing is not beautiful because it lasts"
- The Vision

Re: Joke

Postby Domination » Sun Apr 24, 2016 6:02 am

Hah. Algebra.

Get it?
Woah, don't mind if I do.

Re: Joke

Postby Thatworm » Sun Aug 14, 2016 12:20 am

Omg algebra, geometry, who uses everything the school teaches us, besides + and -. In the "real world" they always tell us, "it makes it quicker". If someone is going to buy something and they give you money, let's say... thousands, they're either rich af, or they're trying to buy the whole cash register, there you go, take all the money out of there, I don't got nothing to give you, just take the whole thing

Re: Joke

Postby fluffymammal » Tue Aug 16, 2016 12:27 pm

Three engineering students debate what kind of engineer designed the human body.
One student says, "Obviously it was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another says, "No, it was definitely an electrical engineer. Just look at all the nerves!"
The last one says, "Are you kidding? It was a civil engineer for sure. Who else would route a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Re: Joke

Postby xtc » Tue Aug 16, 2016 2:20 pm

I like that one!
Boxer shorts are cool,
but little speedos rule!

More by the same author: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=22729

Re: Joke

Postby xtc » Tue Aug 16, 2016 2:26 pm

To a mathematician, π is the ratio between the circumference and the diameter of a circle.
To a scientist, it's about 3.
To an engineer, it's not big enough to worry about.
Boxer shorts are cool,
but little speedos rule!

More by the same author: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=22729

Re: Joke

Postby chadmc90 » Tue Aug 16, 2016 2:29 pm

fluffymammal wrote:Three engineering students debate what kind of engineer designed the human body.
One student says, "Obviously it was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another says, "No, it was definitely an electrical engineer. Just look at all the nerves!"
The last one says, "Are you kidding? It was a civil engineer for sure. Who else would route a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"


That one was great! :lol:
Check out my latest story A Cowboy's Dream!

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Re: Joke

Postby chadmc90 » Tue Aug 16, 2016 2:30 pm

xtc wrote:To a mathematician, π is the ratio between the circumference and the diameter of a circle.
To a scientist, it's about 3.
To an engineer, it's not big enough to worry about.


Lol. I can relate to the third one...
Check out my latest story A Cowboy's Dream!

Feedback highly appreciated! Feel free to Private Message me if you prefer to not post on the public forum!

Re: Joke

Postby Oohmynameisblue » Tue Aug 16, 2016 2:57 pm

Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each only one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says: ‘I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.’

Clever and funny at the same time

Re: Joke

Postby Oohmynameisblue » Tue Aug 16, 2016 2:58 pm

A bus driver turns up very late to an interview.

"Sorry I'm late."
"You're hired!"

Re: Joke

Postby Oohmynameisblue » Tue Aug 16, 2016 3:00 pm

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer. ‘This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it you.’ The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, ‘Which do you want, son?’ The boy takes the quarters and leaves. ‘What did I tell you?’ said the barber. ‘That kid never learns!’ Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. ‘Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?’ The boy licked his cone and replied, ‘Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!'