At The Old Barn:Edited re Moderator Suggestions

Postby Janet » Tue May 20, 2014 1:28 am

AT THE OLD BARN

JACKIE: Oh my goodness! What happened in here? Why, David; who did this to you??

DAVID: JACKIE!!! THANK HEAVENS!! I met this girl; she said her name is Dorothy. We talked and went out for a walk. She’s a delightful humorous girl always flighty and kidding around! We decided to come out to this old abandoned barn and look around. There was this rope hanging here, and she says, “Hey, lookie there, David! Lemme tie you up!” I wasn’t worried at all; she’s only a girl; the rope wasn’t very long; and the idea thrilled me! But WOWW! In just fifteen seconds she had me completely helpless to resist; and in another fifteen seconds she finished me up! I couldn’t move! And I couldn’t believe it! Then she put her arms around me, real tight! And gave me a whopping kiss, and said “Whatcha gonna do, now, Sweetie?!” I almost passed out! So this was why she wanted to tie me up!! She backed off, just a bit, and was watching me, kinda strangely. This time, with a very quieter warm loving smile, another kiss, the same way; but this one was an absolute atomic bomb! BOOM! I was reeling! Then she suddenly turned around and said, “Don’t go far, Sweetie! I’ll be back in a jiffie!” And she disappeared down the ladder in a flash! That was hours ago! Oh Jackie; I’m afraid something has happened to her!

Bitterly scolding David, all the way, Jackie comes over to him and
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gives a quick tug to the pretty little master bow “Dorothy” had tied, with her pretty little fingers, and David is popped loose from the beam! And his wrists can now be untied, which she does, in another few seconds! David is free! Draping the cord over the beam, and almost crying, she says

JACKIE: Oh David!! You need someone to watch over you!
And I’m the sweet, pretty little girl who loves you, and wants the job!

At those words, David almost swoons, again! . . .

DAVID: Jackie, I - I ADORE you! I always have, ever since we were in grade school!

I-I know that that doesn’t sound very convincing right now, at the moment you saved my life after some other girl had just seduced me.

JACKIE: That’s true, David, it doesn’t! But it doesn’t have to! Because I’ve known it all those years! We girls aren’t that stupid, you know! I was longing every minute to hear you to say it! But I knew --- you just didn’t have the courage! And so you just kept me in tears all that time!

And thank you “Dorothy!” for finally squeezing it out of the idiot!! Why didn’t I ever think of that!?

DAVID: Maybe it’s because you WERE that s . . . Oops! I’m sorry!

JACKIE: IT’S A GOOD THING FOR YOU, THAT YOU ARE!! One more crack like that, and I WILL tie you up again! And wash your mouth out with soap! I think I see a bucket over there right now . . .

DAVID: I’m curious: How on earth did you manage to untie me so quickly? I felt like it was going to take someone at least a week to get me loose!

JACKIE: Tee-hee! When I was a little girl, I used to play tie-up with my bigger brothers! They were going to show me how superior little boys were to little girls! But like any little girl, I quickly showed them otherwise! I quickly learned, both how to tie them up, and how to get loose myself! After that, they never got loose again! Until I made them beg me, for 10-20 minutes, coaching them on the exact words they had to say to me! And then, they had to kiss me!! “OOOOO!!” they cried! And if one of them didn’t kiss me ‘correctly,’ I would make him start all over, while both of them remained tied up until he did it! They soon learned how to kiss me ‘correctly’! OOO!!! DID THEY EVER!! It was sooo much fun! And they loved it too; although of course they would never let on! Because they would always be back, a couple of days later, asking me to play again, so “they could get even.” Yea, sure! Of course, that never happened, for more reasons than one!

We grew up loving each other, more and more, long after those days had passed! Now, they’re both VERY happily married and gone! --- sniff!

To answer your question, David, I read, and learned, that no one who has been tied up correctly can ever get loose! The simplest method only takes about a 5 ft length of rope, depending on the captive’s size and the object to which he’s to be fastened, and two knots. The first knot ties his wrists; and the other is a master knot, tied anywhere where he can’t reach, with the ends from the first knot pulled tightly to it, making it impossible for the first knot to be untied until the master knot is first released. We girls love to tie the master knot as a pretty little bow! Which the girl can pop loose with a quick tug of her fingers, when she’s ready to release him! It can all be done in thirty seconds! To loose him takes even less time, by merely popping the master bow and then untying his wrists! I saw instantly that that’s how “Dorothy” had tied you, and I had you free in 20 seconds!

DAVID: Wow!! But, Jackie, did you really just happen to stop by the roadside to take a picture? I know it was God Who saved me. But I’m suspecting that it wasn’t just an accident on your part, either!

JACKIE: You’re right, David! I won’t lie to you! I had been trying to find you frantically for two hours! When we get out to my car, you will see there’s no camera there; there never was. And you will also see there’s a package for a gun I bought! I have it in my dress, loaded and ready to shoot, right now! I asked a lot of people a lot of questions, searching for you. When I learned about Anna’s background, and the evidence that you were probably together, I was terrified! Since your car was still at the coffee shop where you met her, you wouldn’t be too far away. This old barn quickly became the first bet! If I found you together, and that she had harmed you, I was going to kill her!

DAVID: Am I EVER thankful nothing like that happened, even if she had harmed me! I feel so sorry for her; and anxious for her! I’ve been praying for her since I met her. When we talked, God opened the way for me to give her the Gospel! I KNOW THAT SHE WAS HEARING IT! And I’m convinced she isn’t “bad” at all. In fact, I know that somewhere down in her poor heart there’s a wonderful girl in there! I KNOW that she would never have left me to die in here, nor that she would ever do that to anyone else, either. --- I know it from that strange look on her face before she left me, along with what you’ve now told me about her. Unless something happened to her! And I was, and am terribly worried about that.

I’m worried sick for her: even if she’s “ok” --- where can she go; what can she do? I don’t think she has a thing to her name! What kind of future can she have? She probably has no home, no money, no transportation, no chance to get a job, no friends, unwanted everywhere. What will she do???

JACKIE: Yes, David; you’re right! Some of the people I asked commented on that! Some said that Anna’s victims were safer and happier in her hands than they were in their homes!! If that’s insanity, I’m beginning to think it’s a kind we could use more of in the world! Now, I’m feeling soooo guilty and ashamed and sad about the thoughts of murder I had toward her. Surely the only dangerously and murderously insane are the people running our country and the world. (2 Corinthians 4:4)

I want to see her! SOO much! DAVID!! ----WE could help her!! I just KNOW it! God has blessed both of us with more than the means to save her! And how wonderful that would be for us if we could!

In fact, now I’m sooo happy that she did kidnap you!!! Strange as that may sound! That was God’s loving hand, from start to finish! You are probably the only hope the poor girl has ever had in her life! And she certainly must know it! Even apart from that you gave her the Gospel, which is by far the MAIN thing, I’m sure you gave her a lot more, besides! Like a dash of REAL love and friendship, which she probably had never known before! You are SUCH an innocent sweetie! If any boy could melt a girl’s heart, you surely must have melted hers! About her immediate intentions, and much more, about her whole life! But that could be even more disastrous to her, if she doesn’t get saved! It could easily push her to her suicide! You certainly did her far more good in those two hours than the whole pile of atheist psychiatric quacks she had been under for the past years. In fact, YOU’RE PROBABLY THE ONLY PERSON SHE EVER MET WHO EVER DID DO HER ANY GOOD!

I am sooo happy for you, for us! I can’t even believe it!! But I’m so worried about Anna. WE’VE JUST GOT TO FIND HER!! What must she be thinking right now??

Anna, who had tied up David and left him there, had been listening at the bottom of the ladder to the loft. After hearing enough to know that she was no longer in danger from them, she quietly came up to the loft

ANNA: Well, Jackie; I can tell you one thing! She’s even ten times happier than you are, right now!

DAVID: Look!! She’s here!!!

JACKIE: Anna!! Oh how wonderful!! You did come back!!

ANNA: No; I never left! No way I ever could have; like you already said, I could never have left David alone and helpless in here even for 10 minutes! Anything could happen to him in that 10 minutes! I think I would have given my life to protect him. Just as you proved you would have given yours!

Jackie, when you pulled up by the roadside, that wasn’t David you heard crying; It was ME!

JACKIE: Yes; of course I knew it was a woman, and I knew that she would be you. And how THAT TERRIFIED me! What else would your weeping mean, than that something terrible had happened???

ANNA: I was so relieved that now I knew I wouldn’t have to go back and face David to let him loose. That helped me stop crying. But at the same time, now I was TERRIFIED of you!

But you are right about everything else you said! Both of you are! As we came to the barn, I felt so strange; I was loving the wonderful things David was telling me about. I was loving him! Such a thing had never happened to me before! I don’t know why I went ahead and seduced him, anyway, as I always do --- I guess it was momentum. But while I was tying him up, everything inside me was tearing apart! I was sooo guilty, so unhappy, so ashamed, so afraid. Then came those two kisses! They were explosions! Especially that last one --- and seeing the treacherous effect I was having on him, as I had done so often before, which affected me even more than him, except in the opposite way. He was sooo wonderful and trusting and delighted, like an innocent (although naughty!) little boy; I was so wicked, and treacherous, and sick, and worthless, and unwanted, except by the people I was betraying. But at the same time, they even more overwhelmed me in REAL love for him!

I couldn’t face him anymore; I had no right to even be near him, this wonderful, beloved Child of God; and I now knew very well that’s what he was! THIS was no “toy” I was playing with THIS time, as I had thought all men were. I think my mother taught me that, one of the few things she ever did teach me. I was terrified! I was in DANGER! How angry his Heavenly Father must be at me!!! And getting angrier, by the second! Any moment, and He would have had enough!! I had to run for my life! NOW! And yet, I - I --- oh, I was sooo mixed up!

I didn’t know what to do! There was also another reason I had to get away from him: in just another minute he would see me in tears!
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Blinded by the tears, I started down the ladder; and I almost fell!!! As I recovered, somehow, the thought came to me how terrible that would have been! If I had fallen from that height, both of us would probably have died! He going to Heaven and me going to Hell! And the shame and hurt and pain to so many others it would have caused, when our half rotted bodies would eventually be found.

And then, another thought, a warm loving thought, came into my head, and into my heart!! His Heavenly Father, of Whom I was so terribly afraid, HAD JUST LOVINGLY SAVED MY LIFE! I KNEW IT!! He actually LOVED wretched, wicked ME!!! --- HE LOVES ME! EVERY BIT AS MUCH AS HE LOVES DAVID!!!! I don’t know if it was my hand or His that caught the rung of the ladder just in time.

DAVID: It was His, just as He caught Peter walking on the water toward Him, when Peter started to sink: “Known unto Him are all His works from the beginning of the world.” (actually the word means “ages” but what difference does it make) He loved us before any of us were born, and He planned every detail of this little event even back then. (Acts 17; Romans 8:28-30). Although Peter was already saved, at that moment; and you probably weren’t as yet. We don’t know when either really happened! And it doesn’t matter at all! IMO both of you had been saved already before you were born! (Romans 8:28-30)

ANNA: --- Oh, how WONDERFUL!!!! ---

At the bottom, I had to get as far away from David as quickly as possible, because I was about to break out bawling; and I certainly couldn’t let him hear that. At the front of the barn I collapsed in a pile of straw and wept, for about two hours! (Jackie, you roared right past me, to my horror; just after I had finally stopped, and by the Grace of God you didn’t see me! I knew God had saved me again!! --- and you too, come to think of it! - - - how did you ever get through that fence so quickly, without tearing that lovely dress? And half your skin, to boot! Can it be that you actually jumped over it?? Or that God carried you over it?)

JACKIE: Hmmm. I don’t have any idea, either! Maybe He just parted the fence for me, like He did the Red Sea. Such things have happened before!

ANNA: While I wept in that dirty straw pile, what David had told me was working, like nothing ever had before in my life, just like you said, Jackie! “Dorothy” whom I now thoroughly hated, was gone forever! So was Anna, because she had now become a new creature saved by God, Who gave her to Believe, and understand that “Christ had died for her sins according to the Scriptures” as David had taught me. And now, Anna is every bit as much His beloved Child as you and David are!!!! OHHH, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

DAVID: Anna; we are even happier than you! Because we’re selfish! Paul called the Philippians his “joy and his crown.” And that’s what you just became, for us! Thank YOU!! You are now among the most valuable treasures we will ever have: for Eternity!! And even thank you Dorothy! (as you know, and I can’t deny it, I adored that!) But Jackie’s question still remains: What will you do now? Where will you go? How will you live?

ANNA: I don’t know at all, but I know God does --- I have no worries at all about it!!! He’s got something for me and it’s gonna be more wonderful than anything I’ve ever even dreamed of before! That’s another thing I also learned in that wormy straw pile, from what David taught me!

DAVID: Yes, you can say THAT again!! As you are going to see in the next few minutes!! But you should be aware it’s not always going to seem that way. “In THIS world, ye shall have troubles . . . but be of good cheer through them; I have overcome the world” our Lord Jesus said.

JACKIE: Meanwhile Anna, David may have escaped from you; but he’s not gonna escape from ME! He doesn’t know it; but I’ve been working on wedding plans ever since the moment I found him tied up in here! I knew then --- that he was mine! (What a wonderful way to get a man!! I should have learned that when I made my brothers kiss me!)

ANNA: {tee-hee!}

JACKIE: And, YOU fit right into those plans! Because, if David agrees (and you do, David!! --- or else!!), God says that WE ARE ALREADY MARRIED, RIGHT NOW! And that means we start living together this very evening! And that means that YOU, Anna, now have a home this very evening, as long as you need it, the one I won’t be needing any more!

DAVID: I certainly do agree, Honey; to put it overmildly! And you’re right, that means we ARE married this very moment. And can now live together. Because God has said “what GOD hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” However that doesn’t mean we’re not going to make it “official” in the “proper manner.” I HAVE SPOKEN, and you will obey! (Just to keep Jackie from getting any more bossy, Anna!)

ANNA: {tee-hee!}

JACKIE: You haven’t seen ANYTHING yet, Buster!

DAVID: But that will come later, of course: we start living together, tonight! And I more than agree that YOU, Anna, will have the home Jackie is giving you, as long as you need it.

JACKIE: But only UNTIL we find that man for you, that God is going to give you!

DAVID: And Anna will have no problem winning him when he comes along!!! She’s already got that down to a “Tee-Hee!” I can certainly testify to that!

JACKIE: DAVID!!! You watch your mouth!! I’m warning you!! Just you wait till I deal with you tonight!

ANNA: Even without a rope!?

JACKIE: Well, we’ll get you that, too; if you need it! In fact I have one that you can use; but I’ll need it for tonight! As you can see, David is already getting too sassy!

ANNA: I’m not so sure! Those were Dorothy’s skills; but she died, somewhere between where she kissed David, and the straw pile!

DAVID: Anna, you need to know something: and BEWARE! Dorothy is not dead!!

JACKIE: DAVID!!! As far as YOU’RE concerned, SHE CERTAINLY IS!!

DAVID: Even though, thank the Lord, you have crucified her! ( Galatians 5:24). She’s still waiting, and watching out there, ready to grab you again, the next time you let your guard down and stray from the Lord! She will be around, for the rest of your life on this earth, until you are finally fully delivered from her when you depart and go to be with the Lord!

JACKIE: That’s right! It’s Romans 7B. God calls her “The Old Man!”

DAVID: Wow, Honey; you ARE smart! In spite of the fact that God doesn’t call her “The Old Woman”! (or “the old bag,” for that matter! And there’s a reason for that!) ---

JACKIE: --- ????????? ---

ANNA: {tee-hee}

They’re down by Jackie’s car, now. David lifts each girl right over the barbed wire fence!!! He tells each of them, “raise your legs, and hold your dress up, so it doesn’t snag in the fence!” And then he lowers each of them gently down on the other side!

ANNA: ---OHH MY GOODNESS!

JACKIE: Why David!!! ARE YOU EVER STRONG!!---

ANNA: Unbelievable!

DAVID: Strange; I guess I wasn’t that strong when “Dorothy” and I came here alone?

JACKIE: David, you Sweetie!

Jackie takes the pistol from her dress, empties out the cartridges; puts everything back in the package, and gives it to David.

JACKIE: David, Honey, are you grown up enough NOW to have something like this? I’ve certainly proved that I’m not!

DAVID: Thank you, Honey! But what you’ve just proved is that you are! As I’m sure Anna agrees! But I think that Anna should have it, when she’s in her house alone. She surely has some dangerous enemies. And what’s even worse, those enemies will be ladies! Ten times more dangerous than men!

JACKIE: DAVID!! I’ve warned you!!! Do you want your mouth washed out with soap, right now??? It’s a good thing for you that I don’t have any here! Or a rope!

AND, speaking of a rope

How is it that you didn't notice that that rope ‘Dorothy’ tied you up with in the loft was brand new?! And soft and cuddlie!? At least that proves you weren’t raised in a barn!!! Even if you are a farmer!

DAVID: - - -?????????

ANNA: Tee-hee!

But my goodness, as to the gun, I should say not! That would look just great, after I had just been released, to have to kill someone! Or even threaten someone. To say nothing of my now being a Child of God. As you said, not even Dorothy ever did anything like that, thanks to Him! And God has proved twice today, very definitely, that He’s all the protection I’ll ever need! Besides, no one who might be after me will know where or who I am, thanks to you two!

DAVID: Sorry, Anna! Everyone in this county is going to know where and who you are, when you become Jackie’s bridesmaid! For the most glorious and beautiful wedding that has ever occurred in all of earth’s history!! And if you don’t rope in 13 wonderful men from that, I’ll be greatly mistaken!

ANNA: But how awful that would be to have to CHOOSE between 13 men, who really loved me! Especially when no one ever loved me before, that I know of! I don’t think I could bear to do that! I only want ONE! And I want him to know before we even meet, that he’s the only one! It didn’t bother Adina; but it certainly would me!

JACKIE: She’s right, David! Let’s pray to find God’s man for her before our wedding even takes place!

They drive to David’s car and the girls follow David to his farmhouse.

David and Jackie decide that they will take David’s farm, and Anna will live in Jackie’s house, for as long as she needs. Among many other things, they will move Jackie’s prime things over tomorrow. Most of the furnishings (except those things intimately precious to Jackie); will be Anna’s. They’ll have access to most of Anna’s belongings such as clothing, which are in a storage at her home town, Reedsville, and they’ll go to get those out tomorrow, or the next day after. She doesn’t have much.

DAVID: Anna, do you have a drivers license?

ANNA: No. I wasn’t old enough, even for Drivers Ed, when they put me away.

DAVID: Well, tomorrow we’ll stop by and pick up a Drivers’ Handbook for you to study, to get a Learner’s Permit. Then we’ll get you a car, and teach you how to drive it, and pass your license test.

JACKIE: But for tonight, at least, it’s beginning to look best that you stay with us!

ANNA: Ohhh! WONDERFUL! I wanna stay with you forever! And learn more and more and more and more of God’s Word, the Bible! Which you two together know more of than anyone I’ve ever heard in my life! But - - - on second thought, I know how you two must want so much to be alone together for ”the first night of your honeymoon!” Ohhh, what you are giving, for ME!!

DAVID: You needn’t worry about that!! There are three bedrooms. One will be yours (you choose); and one is already OURS!

And about half an hour before your bedtime we’re going into ours!

JACKIE: And after I get David tucked in properly, no one is coming through that door; not even you!

DAVID: Unless there’s a fire, or a tornado, or a riot, or a nuclear attack!

JACKIE: Or, if you come down with the sniffles!

ANNA: Oh my goodness!!! Now you’re calling me your very own dear little DAUGHTER!! --- Less than 2 hours after you would have SHOT me in the wormy straw pile! --- Oh, you dear WONDERFUL PEOPLE!! And, before you’re even married! Oops, sorry; You ARE married! Ohh! I am soooo happy! I’m about to explode, again! I’m so weepy and happy I can’t even thank you!

DAVID: You’ve already done so, five times! Are you trying to drive us nuts, like Count Almaviva did to Dr. Bartolo?

ANNA: Tee-hee! You can’t toy with me on that one, David! I KNOW that opera! (or I should say, Daddy? --- I never had a Daddy! That I ever knew. Mom drove him out, with her ‘men are nothing but toys’ philosophy, and all the other typically hideous things of unbelievers. So like any other unsaved man, he left her, for another woman, before I ever got old enough to know him. Oh, I want that poor unhappy woman to get saved, like I was! ). It’s the “Barber of Seville!” How I adored it!

JACKIE: How wonderful! That means we have scads of music that you’re going to adore! And they’re yours, as well as ours! Hey; that brings up something else! Do you sing?

ANNA: If I may say so; I certainly do! Been hard to find anything worth singing though. I loved things like The Chuckwagon Gang when I could get them. And songs in elementary school, like “Comin through the Rye” A number of people heard me sing, now and then, and later someone in the hospital told me that I was “a fantastic coloratura!” I had no idea what a coloratura was! When I did find out, I discovered that I could match the vocal ranges and the astounding staccato runs of any of them I ever got to hear! Like Ingeborg Hallstein, Roberta Peters . . . And I feel sure I could learn their beautiful artistry as well --- since I really feel it and adore it so much! But I realize that would take long training and instruction and work . . .

JACKIE: Things are falling into place, one after the other! I’m on the University faculty, in voice and drama!

DAVID: And WOWEEE!! Just wait till you come to Church with us, Sunday!

JACKIE: DAVID!!! THERE is someone who needs Anna - - - right now! BIG TIME!

DAVID: Hey!! You’re right again, as usual! OH, YEAHH!!! Hey, Jackie, how about calling Jorg right now? Tell him what we think we’ve got here; and set up an audition with him for Anna!

Does that sound ok with you, Anna?

ANNA: Ohh, David!! I’m afraid I’m about to explode again! I know very well that every thought you have for me will be better than anything I’d ever dreamed of! But --- I hate to be rude --- I’m just overwhelmed with curiosity, and joy, and expectation! Who is this George; and what’s it all about??

DAVID: Jorg (by the way, it’s J-o-r-g, not G-e-o-r-g-e, [which is his last name!]) --- he’s the head of our Church’s little traveling music group, with a few really gifted instrumentalists and singers. They travel quite often on tours, and do VERY WELL! They’re well known and in demand everywhere! And people get saved everywhere they go! I mean REALLY SAVED; not like the usual evangelistic meetings. Have you’ve ever heard of Cesare Siepi? ---- ohhh, have I EVER! --- Well, George’s voice is often compared to Siepi’s! (Like Joseph Shore’s to Jerome Hines) (Shore and Hines are tremendous power basses; George and Siepi are beautiful artistic basses, with the power to boot, when they need it) The group is sort of like your Chuckwagon Gang (which, as you know, has neither a coloratura, nor a real bass), although more oriented toward the classical. THEY BADLY NEED A COLORATURA!! And if they ever found one, particularly one with the gifted actress personality and godliness that you have --- oh, WOW!!! Talk about an “explosion!”

JACKIE: David, I just got off the phone with Jorg. I told him everything Anna told us, and everything we know about her. He wants to take the day off, from his work, and come right over tomorrow morning, and help us with everything, and especially work alongside Anna! To chat with her, play music together as they work, and sing together with her as songs are being played. He will bring a bunch of them over he would like to try her out on, and see how far along Anna might be, as a singer, actress, and Christian.

And He’d like to take her for a few hours to drive her over to Reedsville and get her things out of storage with his pickup, if that’s ok with us. He figures that’ll involve about 4 hours, or more, if they might get to visit with Anna’s “poor unhappy mother.” (if you caught that from Anna; and I know you did, you wonderful Sweetie!).

ANNA: Jackie, you wonderful lady! There’s no way you ever could have killed me; or anyone, not even close! You couldn't even hurt someone's feelings!!

JACKIE: Why Anna, thank you! I needed that! David, Jorg knows that if YOU’RE impressed with Anna, he has no question that he’s going to be! He has no doubt about it! If he thinks more audition is necessary, he wants her over to his place before Church on Sunday morning, to have breakfast with him! And if he thinks no more audition is necessary, he wants her over to his place before Church on Sunday morning, to have breakfast with him! Then, he and Anna will come together to your Sunday School class.

DAVID: That ok with you, Anna?

ANNA: Oh, David!!! How can you ever ask??? You KNOW I’m utterly delirious!

JACKIE: It’s because David is so loving and sensitive and considerate! He’s been learning it all from Jorg, for years!

David; I don’t think Anna has any night things! And her dress! I hate to say this, Anna; but it looks like something that you’ve been wallowing around in a filthy old straw pile in! We’ve got time! Let’s go get those things taken care of! Plus get some of my own things over here for the night,

DAVID: and then go out for supper at the Olive Garden!

JACKIE: Ohh, yea!!! And let’s see if we can’t get Jorg to join us?! I’m getting sooo anxious for him and Anna to meet! I can hardly wait!!

DAVID: Hmm --- I’ll bet a hundred to one he can’t either!

JACKIE: It sure does look that way to me! Jorg is sooo lonely --- I can see it! Although with his success, and so many loving friends, it does seem unbelievable! Anna, I’d bet a hundred to one! --- YOU’RE that SPECIAL one he needs! And you need him! And you’re both smart enough to see that, from the Lord Jesus!

DAVID: I think you’re right, Jackie; I fear we’re going to lose our new dear little daughter already, very soon! But she will still be our joy and crown, forever! Still, don’t put your house up for sale, just yet!

JACKIE: Just what do you mean, MY house, YOU DUMMY!? Have you already forgotten that we’re married?? After I get done with you tonight, you won’t forget THAT again!!

ANNA: (--- Tee-Hee!!! ---)

DAVID: Will that make Anna his big sister? or his auntie?? Or both at once??? Or something else????
And what will it make Jorg?

JACKIE: --- ????????? - - - Now YOU STOP CONFUSING ME!!! - - - This is no time for that!

ANNA: (--- Tee-Hee!!---)

JACKIE: Besides, it’s not my time yet, for a few days! That’s why I need to use the rope tonight!
But, we’ve got to get going!! Does Jorg have your cell phone number?

DAVID: ??????? --- It’s OUR cell phone number!!! I thought you just emphatically THREATENED me,
that WE ARE NOW MARRIED!!

ANNA: (--- Tee-Hee! ---)

DAVID: YOU need to call him again! --- right now!

JACKIE: I haven’t even learned it, yet! YOU need to call him again --- right now! I’ll take notes!

ANNA: (--- Tee- Hee! ---) And so will I!! Please, Daddy! Be sure to turn on your speakerfone!
I’ll wanna take over THIS call myself, if you two remain this flustered!



Last edited by Janet on Tue May 27, 2014 12:07 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Re: At The Old Barn

Postby Jason Toddman » Tue May 20, 2014 9:30 pm

Well... hmmm... you evidently put a lot of effort of this, and i hate to criticize a new poster unduly harshly, but, well, to put it kindly, my first reaction to reading this was... WTF?! :shock:
This is without a doubt one of the weirdest, most convoluted stories I have ever seen... here or anywhere. I'm still not sure what the hell it was all about (sounds more like a rabid religious rant than a TUGs story; especially after the first quarter of it or so), or why the story text changes font colors virtually every paragraph. The colors don't seem to correlate with the speaker, or points-of-view (which themselves seem to shift randomly and it's often unclear who the heck is talking/thinking), or show any consistency i can detect whatsoever, and simply add confusion to what is already an extremely chaotic read.
Much of it doesn't even seem to have much to do with TUGs after the first few paragraphs.
I can't help but wonder if you were tripping out on acid when you wrote this!
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

Re: At The Old Barn

Postby SelenaGfan » Tue May 20, 2014 11:18 pm

I stopped reading when I saw bible quote.If I want a religious lesson I'll go to church.
The different color text is a pain in the ass to read also.

Re: At The Old Barn

Postby Janet » Wed May 21, 2014 5:53 am

Thanks so much for your response. You also "evidently put a lot of effort into this" and I do appreciate that.

Jason Toddman wrote:Well... hmmm... you evidently put a lot of effort of this, and i hate to criticize a new poster unduly harshly, but, well, to put it kindly, my first reaction to reading this was... WTF?! :shock:

As will be the case with by far the majority of persons reading it. The Bible, which I can prove is true (please ask for my URL on this, if interested) tells us there are two classes of people in the world: those who Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, and those who don't. And each of those classes finds the other "alien" to put it mildly, by nature. Those who don't believe in Him constitute the vast majority.

This is without a doubt one of the weirdest, most convoluted stories I have ever seen... here or anywhere. I'm still not sure what the hell it was all about (sounds more like a rabid religious rant than a TUGs story; especially after the first quarter of it or so)

Every story contains stuff that doesn't sound entirely TUG. I've found elsewhere that many who are interested in TUG are VERY interested in the realities behind it, some of which I was addressing (admittedly I didn't do the best job of it, because of my inexperience here, especially with the software). I've been asked questions many times about TUG and Christians, and I came here hoping for a chance to answer such questions. If there's no such audience in this group I will after a time leave; if there is, please consider that that audience also has a right to exist and communicate (so far, you seem to have done so: thank you!)


, or why the story text changes font colors virtually every paragraph. The colors don't seem to correlate with the speaker, or points-of-view (which themselves seem to shift randomly and it's often unclear who the heck is talking/thinking), or show any consistency i can detect whatsoever, and simply add confusion to what is already an extremely chaotic read.

You are very right; the coloring didn't come out as I wanted; but that's solely because of both my inexperience with the software; and because I felt rushed after being thrown back to square one numerous times. As above. I intended story-teller's comments to all be in green; David's comments in blue, Jackie's comments in heavy bold pink, and Anna's comments in light italic pink.

I thought, and still think, that is a better idea than no color coding which everyone else uses, as in the long run it avoids many extra words needed in identifying the speakers, such as "David then said," etc.

Much of it doesn't even seem to have much to do with TUGs after the first few paragraphs.

Then I think you were missing suggestions that were there. And again EVERY TUG story MUST include real life, which is not TUG specifically, if the author really has anything to say. There's a lot more involved in TUG, and there are different types of TUG, than just having every line specifically about it.

In my mind my TUG was a love story. A beautiful love story, in which a victim of a broken home and subsequently of quack psychiatry was saved by people who unlike everyone else showed and had real love to her. Beautiful people, and TUG was the tool involved in it.


I can't help but wonder if you were tripping out on acid when you wrote this!

FYI, I'm like Thomas Edison --- I have better use for my brain than to destroy it like that.

But again, thank you for your intimate comments.

Bob
Christ Died to Save You


Re: At The Old Barn

Postby xtc » Wed May 21, 2014 8:20 am

As it says in the King James version of the Holy Bible: He that passeth by, and meddleth with strife belonging not to him, is like one that taketh a dog by the ears. (Proverbs 26:17)

So I'll simply confine myself to nature study: cuckoo - - - cuckoo - - - cuckoo . . .
I knew I'd hear one sooner or later.
Boxer shorts are cool,
but little speedos rule!

More by the same author: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=22729

Re: At The Old Barn

Postby bondagefreak » Wed May 21, 2014 12:27 pm

Well...this story is definitely one of a kind, I'll grant it that.
In the years I've been here I've never seen anything like this.

I'm not gonna comment on the content, but Bob, please don't use a different font for each paragraph...it's extremely distracting and makes for a very chaotic text.
Image

Re: At The Old Barn

Postby Janet » Wed May 21, 2014 12:50 pm

bondagefreak wrote:Well...this story is definitely one of a kind, I'll grant it that.
In the years I've been here I've never seen anything like this.

I'm not gonna comment on the content, but Bob, please don't use a different font for each paragraph...it's extremely distracting and makes for a very chaotic text.


Thank you, sir, for reading it (evidently you're one of the very few who did), and for your gracious comments.

I'm seeking to head into an analysis of "love bondage" with it, in answer to many who have asked me about it, from a Christian perspective, in other forums, in case there may be those of similar questions in this forum.

I plan to make it my next post, as soon as I find whether it's advisable here, as a sequel to this post, or better in another section, or not at all, depending on responses I receive. I think I have something real to offer to some here.

As to the color coding, I'm sorry, as I said to the moderator, that it didn't come out right, due to my inexperience with the soft ware. I still believe that it is clearer and takes up less space, if I do it right, than the traditional methods of identifying the speakers. Please see my response to the moderator.

Thanks again!

Janet
Christ Died to Save You

Re: At The Old Barn

Postby chadmc90 » Wed May 21, 2014 1:00 pm

I can only agree with the above writers. The colors, especially the blue, is too much. Blue against a black background is the worst combination to use because it's simply too hard to read, especially for guys. If you are gonna use a color scheme, the blue needs to be changed. A much paler blue would even be better.
Check out my latest story A Cowboy's Dream!

Feedback highly appreciated! Feel free to Private Message me if you prefer to not post on the public forum!

Re: At The Old Barn

Postby Jason Toddman » Wed May 21, 2014 1:04 pm

The Bible, which I can prove is true (please ask for my URL on this, if interested) tells us there are two classes of people in the world: those who Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, and those who don't. And each of those classes finds the other "alien" to put it mildly, by nature. Those who don't believe in Him constitute the vast majority.
Ever think there's a perfectly good reason for that?
I myself have no beef with Christianity, or Christians, or indeed any religions and those who honestly believe in them. But there is a time and place for everything. This site is for TUGs stories; not for religious proselytizing. You can include religious themes in your stories if you want, but I suggest you make them more readable and interesting or people will simply ignore and avoid your posts.
I'm the one who approved your story. I almost didn't, it was such a chaotic mess. But finding nothing truly objectionable about it (such as i would have with, say, depiction of the rape of a child) I let it in. But I didn't read it very carefully; just enough to make sure it contained nothing that violated the rules. But for the most part the colors and the weirdness put me off and made my eyes glaze over.

Every story contains stuff that doesn't sound entirely TUG. I've found elsewhere that many who are interested in TUG are VERY interested in the realities behind it, some of which I was addressing (admittedly I didn't do the best job of it, because of my inexperience here, especially with the software). I've been asked questions many times about TUG and Christians, and I came here hoping for a chance to answer such questions. If there's no such audience in this group I will after a time leave; if there is, please consider that that audience also has a right to exist and communicate (so far, you seem to have done so: thank you!)[/color]
That is true; you and the audience do have that right. We also have the right to pass over you if we find your stories unappealing and comment on things we don't like about them. Hopefully none of us will be too rude about it, but if i were you I'd prepare myself for some harsh comments if your stories are all as hard to read through as this one is.

You are very right; the coloring didn't come out as I wanted; but that's solely because of both my inexperience with the software; and because I felt rushed after being thrown back to square one numerous times. As above. I intended story-teller's comments to all be in green; David's comments in blue, Jackie's comments in heavy bold pink, and Anna's comments in light italic pink.
I thought, and still think, that is a better idea than no color coding which everyone else uses, as in the long run it avoids many extra words needed in identifying the speakers, such as "David then said," etc.

Then i suggest the next time you make a note of such ahead of time to us know. An alternate and clearer method might be to simply write it like a play. If David is speaking, write David: before his dialog. If the dialog is his thoughts instead of spoken, perhaps italics will make that clear. Might be easier than trying to color-coordinate your stories, and cosistency will make your stories less difficult to read.
Much of it doesn't even seem to have much to do with TUGs after the first few paragraphs.

Then I think you were missing suggestions that were there. And again EVERY TUG story MUST include real life, which is not TUG specifically, if the author really has anything to say. There's a lot more involved in TUG, and there are different types of TUG, than just having every line specifically about it.
Could be; as I said I didn't do more than gloss over it to make sure there was nothing that violated the rules here; especially as it was 1 am when i saw the thing and was ready for bed!

In my mind my TUG was a love story. A beautiful love story, in which a victim of a broken home and subsequently of quack psychiatry was saved by people who unlike everyone else showed and had real love to her. Beautiful people, and TUG was the tool involved in it.
Well, my interpretation of it was... something different. The dialog sounded like something from one of those "Oh John... Oh Marsha" radio lays from the 1930's, it sounded so contrived and corny.


Christ Died to Save You
The first two words are true enough; the rest i have my doubts about. But tell you what; don't try to re-convert me to Christianity and I won't try to tell you what my opinion of Christian "logic" really is.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

Re: At The Old Barn

Postby Jason Toddman » Wed May 21, 2014 1:06 pm

chadmc90 wrote:I can only agree with the above writers. The colors, especially the blue, is too much. Blue against a black background is the worst combination to use because it's simply too hard to read, especially for guys. If you are gonna use a color scheme, the blue needs to be changed. A much paler blue would even be better.

Something is wrong if you're reading it against a black background. You may need to check your board setting or browser setting; as mine is a white background with a light blue framework.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

Re: At The Old Barn

Postby bondagefreak » Wed May 21, 2014 1:08 pm

Jason Toddman wrote:
chadmc90 wrote:I can only agree with the above writers. The colors, especially the blue, is too much. Blue against a black background is the worst combination to use because it's simply too hard to read, especially for guys. If you are gonna use a color scheme, the blue needs to be changed. A much paler blue would even be better.

Something is wrong if you're reading it against a black background. You may need to check your board setting or browser setting; as mine is a white background with a light blue framework.


Nothing wrong with it Jason. In the User Control Panel, under "Board Preferences" you can choose which forum skin/style you prefer.
I too use the black and lime green skin (AKA "Lucid Lime"). IMO it's the sharpest of the avaiable choices.
Image

Re: At The Old Barn

Postby chadmc90 » Wed May 21, 2014 1:15 pm

bondagefreak wrote:
Jason Toddman wrote:
chadmc90 wrote:I can only agree with the above writers. The colors, especially the blue, is too much. Blue against a black background is the worst combination to use because it's simply too hard to read, especially for guys. If you are gonna use a color scheme, the blue needs to be changed. A much paler blue would even be better.

Something is wrong if you're reading it against a black background. You may need to check your board setting or browser setting; as mine is a white background with a light blue framework.


Nothing wrong with it Jason. In the User Control Panel, under "Board Preferences" you can choose which forum skin/style you prefer.
I too use the black and lime green skin (AKA "Lucid Lime"). IMO it's the sharpest of the avaiable choices.


Oh yea I forgot you can change the theme for this site. Yea I have looked at them all but the Lucid Time is the only one I feel comfortable with. The others are really hard for me to get used to.
Check out my latest story A Cowboy's Dream!

Feedback highly appreciated! Feel free to Private Message me if you prefer to not post on the public forum!

Re: At The Old Barn

Postby xtc » Wed May 21, 2014 2:00 pm

Yep, I use the "lucid Lime" skin as well. But, if we're complaining about the incompetent use of colour and fonts rather than the poor (I've said "MIlls & Boon" before but it doesn't travel across the pond), confused writing and the fact that a proselytising fundamentalist is using the site for his/her own ends, I think we're missing the point.

Jason, you are,as ever, a very tolerant man and I thank you for it; but I'm afraid I've picked up the dog by the ears (Prov. 26:17 - Just a reminder for those who don't know their Bible) Other respondents have also betrayed considerable indulgence and acceptance, as we do as a community. I love them for it. But . . .

As a deeply religious man who does not, I think, shove his beliefs down people's throats, I object to this naive, fundamentalist preaching. If it was well written and well argued, it would be better (and I might even enjoy it). It would still not belong here. Even worse is the dreadful standard of the writing. English and its offspring and co-eveoleved languages have structures that make the writing of it comprehensible, the jelly-bean presentation is simply lazy and badly handled, not to mention unreadable.

I think I'd better stop there. This would not be the first topic to get more attention than it deserved.

PS By the way, this would not be the first site from which I have been damned from the pulpit.

Xtc
(Unsaved Pagan)
Boxer shorts are cool,
but little speedos rule!

More by the same author: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=22729

Re: At The Old Barn

Postby chadmc90 » Wed May 21, 2014 4:07 pm

xtc: I opted out of commenting on the subject material because I don't want to be dragged into a potential religious conflict. I only added my stylistic opinion to help the author in future stories if she chooses to do so. I'm stopping here with this comment....
Check out my latest story A Cowboy's Dream!

Feedback highly appreciated! Feel free to Private Message me if you prefer to not post on the public forum!

Re: At The Old Barn

Postby Janet » Wed May 21, 2014 6:24 pm

Jason Toddman wrote:Those who don't believe in Him constitute the vast majority.

Ever think there's a perfectly good reason for that?

Oh, no: I never would have thought it. I'm 77, with a university degree in the sciences, a lay pastor for about 15 years, active in debates for years, a highschool science and Bible teacher for over 20 years . . . And the Bible deals directly and specifically with why, to that question, in at least 3 directed Passages.

I'm the one who approved your story. I almost didn't, it was such a chaotic mess. But finding nothing truly objectionable about it (such as i would have with, say, depiction of the rape of a child) I let it in. But I didn't read it very carefully;

Please, as a friend, I wish you would. There's more to it than "a chaotic mess" which you will not get, unless you do.

just enough to make sure it contained nothing that violated the rules. But for the most part the colors and the weirdness put me off and made my eyes glaze over.

Every story contains stuff that doesn't sound entirely TUG. I've found elsewhere that many who are interested in TUG are VERY interested in the realities behind it, some of which I was addressing (admittedly I didn't do the best job of it, because of my inexperience here, especially with the software). I've been asked questions many times about TUG and Christians, and I came here hoping for a chance to answer such questions. If there's no such audience in this group I will after a time leave; if there is, please consider that that audience also has a right to exist and communicate (so far, you seem to have done so: thank you!)

That is true; you and the audience do have that right. We also have the right to pass over you

It seems to me that these two statements are self contradictory

if we find your stories unappealing and comment on things we don't like about them. Hopefully none of us will be too rude about it, but if i were you I'd prepare myself for some harsh comments if your stories are all as hard to read through as this one is.

Then i suggest the next time you make a note of such ahead of time to us know. An alternate and clearer method might be to simply write it like a play. If David is speaking, write David: before his dialog. If the dialog is his thoughts instead of spoken, perhaps italics will make that clear. Might be easier than trying to color-coordinate your stories, and cosistency will make your stories less difficult to read.

I will hitherto try to adopt your suggestions: thank you. With some rare exceptions, where coding seems almost essential to me.


Could be; as I said I didn't do more than gloss over it to make sure there was nothing that violated the rules here; especially as it was 1 am when i saw the thing and was ready for bed!

As above, as a friend, please give it another shot!

Christ Died to Save You
The first two words are true enough; the rest i have my doubts about. But tell you what; don't try to re-convert me to Christianity and I won't try to tell you what my opinion of Christian "logic" really is.


You're more than welcome to do so. I've received over 60 years of it; I can take it!

Your friend
Janet

Re: At The Old Barn

Postby Janet » Wed May 21, 2014 6:30 pm

Janet wrote:
Jason Toddman wrote:Those who don't believe in Him constitute the vast majority.

Ever think there's a perfectly good reason for that?

Oh, no: I never would have thought it. I'm 77, with a university degree in the sciences, a lay pastor for about 15 years, active in debates for years, a highschool science and Bible teacher for over 20 years . . . And the Bible deals directly and specifically with why, to that question, in at least 3 directed Passages.

I'm the one who approved your story. I almost didn't, it was such a chaotic mess. But finding nothing truly objectionable about it (such as i would have with, say, depiction of the rape of a child) I let it in. But I didn't read it very carefully;

Please, as a friend, I wish you would. There's more to it than "a chaotic mess" which you will not get, unless you do.

just enough to make sure it contained nothing that violated the rules. But for the most part the colors and the weirdness put me off and made my eyes glaze over.

Every story contains stuff that doesn't sound entirely TUG. I've found elsewhere that many who are interested in TUG are VERY interested in the realities behind it, some of which I was addressing (admittedly I didn't do the best job of it, because of my inexperience here, especially with the software). I've been asked questions many times about TUG and Christians, and I came here hoping for a chance to answer such questions. If there's no such audience in this group I will after a time leave; if there is, please consider that that audience also has a right to exist and communicate (so far, you seem to have done so: thank you!)

That is true; you and the audience do have that right. We also have the right to pass over you

It seems to me that these two statements are self contradictory

if we find your stories unappealing and comment on things we don't like about them. Hopefully none of us will be too rude about it, but if i were you I'd prepare myself for some harsh comments if your stories are all as hard to read through as this one is.

Then i suggest the next time you make a note of such ahead of time to us know. An alternate and clearer method might be to simply write it like a play. If David is speaking, write David: before his dialog. If the dialog is his thoughts instead of spoken, perhaps italics will make that clear. Might be easier than trying to color-coordinate your stories, and cosistency will make your stories less difficult to read.

I will hitherto try to adopt your suggestions: thank you. With some rare exceptions, where coding seems almost essential to me.


Could be; as I said I didn't do more than gloss over it to make sure there was nothing that violated the rules here; especially as it was 1 am when i saw the thing and was ready for bed!

As above, as a friend, please give it another shot!

Christ Died to Save You
The first two words are true enough; the rest i have my doubts about. But tell you what; don't try to re-convert me to Christianity and I won't try to tell you what my opinion of Christian "logic" really is.


You're more than welcome to do so. I've received over 60 years of it; I can take it!

Your friend
Janet

Re: At The Old Barn

Postby bondagefreak » Wed May 21, 2014 7:09 pm

No, please! No such debate here.
If you must do so, open up a thread on the "Jump in the Fire" section.

This is a forum about TUGs, not about Christianity and it's "right" or "wrongs".

Janet, all I have to say is that if you intend to post stories in this fashion and get preachy, get ready for lots of negative feedback. Sorry to disappoint, but I HAVEN'T read the story. I just glazed over it and nearly suffered an epileptic attack when I started scrolling down the text at full speed.

Definitely not my cup of tea, sorry.
Hopefully readers on other TUG communities will see your work in a different light.
Image

Re: At The Old Barn

Postby Kyle » Wed May 21, 2014 7:25 pm

I don't often comment on others' stories, but I feel kind of compelled to comment on this one and make a few remarks.

-The first thing I noticed, like everyone else, was the color, which simply didn't work out well. That's already been discussed so I won't rehash it very much, but I had to copy and paste it to Word and changed all the text to black to read it, otherwise I probably wouldn't have made it past the 3rd or 4th paragraph.

-Your writing style is kind of hard to understand. All the dancing around in the dialogue makes it hard to figure out who's speaking sometimes. It's nice to see a bit of character but I think it went a little too far.

-What I understand of the story, it had some promise, but I'll be honest, I'm not sure I completely understood what was going on (see the last comment).

-I'm a Christian myself, so the Christian discussion doesn't bother me personally. But I really can't figure out how all of this meant the main guy and girl are somehow married? I feel like I must've missed something in the story somewhere. But I do have to say, if you want to start a discussion about Christianity and TUGs, the General Chat is a better place for it. Somebody actually did start a similar topic some months back over there.

It was an interesting story, certainly unique. I don't think you have to change your entire writing style but it would be easier to understand what's going on if there were some differences.

Re: At The Old Barn

Postby Jason Toddman » Wed May 21, 2014 9:15 pm

Just a few points to clarify my own position on things.
I don't have a problem with stories that involve religious beliefs that I do not believe in myself; provided that they are well-written. This one was not. Imo, what ruined this story was not the overt religiousness but the fact that it was not even remotely coherent. Even putting aside the business of the various-colored fonts, it's a huge mish-mash and one i have no intention fo wading through again unless it goes through a massive re-write to greatly improve its readability.
I agree with Bondagefreak about the debate angles, and was in act going to suggest doing so in Jump in the fire rather than here myself - but he beat me to it because i had to be away for a few hours. But if you want to post a topic about your religious beliefs there, you're more than welcome to. In act, if you look you'll find you wouldn't be the first one to do so. But please, do not do it in story posts - especially those started by someone else - because that's not likely to go over well here.
I used to be a Christian myself. I was a long time giving it up. I did so however because my primary academic interest is science, and blind faith and the scientific method just do not mix well together. Add to that that the Bible conflicts with itself on numerous occasions, and that the people who wrote its various parts had their own religious and political agendas, it's become harder and harder to take it at face value. But most of all... I found myself disliking and disagreeing more and more with other Christians on their intellectually challenged, rigidly close-minded and logically (and sometimes even morally) bankrupt views on such things as evolution, climate change, who goes where when they die, race relations, politics, and oh so many others I can't list them all here without starting a rant. And again, this is not the proper forum for that. Start a topic in Jump in the Fire though and we can talk - provided you are at all intellectually honest.
Speaking of which:
ME: That is true; you and the audience do have that right. We also have the right to pass over you
JANET: It seems to me that these two statements are self contradictory
The fact that you cut off the rest of what I said (if we find your stories unappealing) - and thus changing the context - doesn't help. Is this how you always debate people who disagree with you? I hope not, as I debate only with intellectually honest people. I won't waste my time with those who are not honest, and moreover have only contempt for such who are not.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

Re: At The Old Barn

Postby Janet » Thu May 22, 2014 3:57 am

Ok; I plan to reply on "jump into the fire" and another forum which has been suggested to me. The title planned is your "Intellectually Honest People." It will contain quotes from you and from "xtc" with replies. Out of what I think is courtesy, I won't mention either of you by name until/if you want to identify yourselves in reply.

But it may be a day or two.

Janet

Re: At The Old Barn

Postby Janet » Thu May 22, 2014 4:54 am

Kyle wrote:I don't often comment on others' stories, but I feel kind of compelled to comment on this one and make a few remarks.

-The first thing I noticed, like everyone else, was the color, which simply didn't work out well. That's already been discussed so I won't rehash it very much, but I had to copy and paste it to Word and changed all the text to black to read it, otherwise I probably wouldn't have made it past the 3rd or 4th paragraph.

-Your writing style is kind of hard to understand. All the dancing around in the dialogue makes it hard to figure out who's speaking sometimes. It's nice to see a bit of character but I think it went a little too far.

Your kind criticism accepted --- thank you. I like your "it's nice to see a bit of character" which no one else noted. But I'm not convinced anyone else really read it at all, as a number of the critics admitted. As you've probably seen, I've informed Jason that I will seek to adopt his suggestions, largely, although I still think the color coding is best, if it hadn't gotten screwed up by my unfamiliarity with it, and being rushed, as I said.

-What I understand of the story, it had some promise, but I'll be honest, I'm not sure I completely understood what was going on (see the last comment).

-I'm a Christian myself, so the Christian discussion doesn't bother me personally.

The understatement of your second clause here is an interesting subject of discussion --- maybe later.

But I really can't figure out how all of this meant the main guy and girl are somehow married?

In order to avoid the false attack that the post was a "religious dialogue," etc, which it obviously was not, I would mention two things:

(1) This is a FICTIONAL TUG STORY. In such, there is no reason whatsoever to accuse the author of "preaching" what his fictional characters are saying. That is SOOO obvious; and yet totally ignored by ALL of the critics of it. (and for that matter, I'm told it belongs somewhere else. Pray tell, just where is that "somewhere else?")

(2) I didn't go into discussing PROOFS of any of the statements or beliefs made by the, again, fictional characters. This was deliberately because of the fact that if I had, it would look more like a "fundamentalist diatribe." It was NOT, contrary to their false and dishonest claims.
I say dishonest, BECAUSE THEY KNOW THAT!

The characters ARE depicted as real Christians, who do exist in the world, and who have every right to exist in the world, contrary to what all my vitriolic critics believe. What is wrong with that (I'm not asking you, of course, but them)?.


I feel like I must've missed something in the story somewhere.

As above, at the risk of repeating myself, you didn't --- I had left it out.

Also, this is a point I myself am not entirely sure of yet! At this time, I'm about 85% sure of it, from the Bible. Thank you for asking about it! If I could have your email addr, or some other way to answer this point I'd love to answer with my thoughts and studies on it.


But I do have to say, if you want to start a discussion about Christianity and TUGs, the General Chat is a better place for it.

But, unless I'm wrong (I haven't looked into that forum yet) it wouldn't allow "At The Old Barn" at all, would it? Which was the WHOLE reason for my coming here. THIS is one of the places where "every creature" is found, rather than there.

Somebody actually did start a similar topic some months back over there.

It was an interesting story, certainly unique. I don't think you have to change your entire writing style but it would be easier to understand what's going on if there were some differences.

One of my required courses as a certified teacher was "Advanced Composition," at University of Cal. at Davis. I made an A in it. I also scored a percentile in somewhere in the 80s in Writing, given to Graduate Students from the "Princeton Graduate Record Examinations" or something like that --- I've forgotten. With my background knowledge in those subjects, I remain of the opinion that the attackers of my writing ability don't know what they're talking about there, either. This is substantiated by a critical look at their own writings

Re: At The Old Barn

Postby Jason Toddman » Thu May 22, 2014 7:29 am

although I still think the color coding is best, if it hadn't gotten screwed up by my unfamiliarity with it, and being rushed, as I said.
You can of course edit your post to fix the mistakes. I suggest changing one person's set of dialog with a particular color at a time, so it's easier to keep track of which color you are using. Perhaps then the result will not look so 'rushed'.

The understatement of your second clause here is an interesting subject of discussion --- maybe later.
And preferably somewhere else than on this thread. PMs exchanged between you two or the Jump in the fire forum would do nicely.



(1) This is a FICTIONAL TUG STORY. In such, there is no reason whatsoever to accuse the author of "preaching" what his fictional characters are saying. That is SOOO obvious; and yet totally ignored by ALL of the critics of it. (and for that matter, I'm told it belongs somewhere else. Pray tell, just where is that "somewhere else?")
We've mentioned this before; Jump in the fire. There is a fine line between having your characters say something and saying something through your characters. If you're as experienced a writer as you say, you should know this as well as I do.

(2) I didn't go into discussing PROOFS of any of the statements or beliefs made by the, again, fictional characters.
Good. because such proofs do not belong here in a story thread. Jump in the ire, yes. Here, no; not unless they are essential to the story AND interesting for the average reader here to read.

This was deliberately because of the fact that if I had, it would look more like a "fundamentalist diatribe." It was NOT, contrary to their false and dishonest claims.
I say dishonest, BECAUSE THEY KNOW THAT!

Are you a mind reader then? If you are entitled to your opinions, so are we. If you cannot deal with that without insulting us, you're writing stories for the wrong site. I can't speak for others, but i am a religiously tolerant person. State your honest beliefs all you like. But don't be a troll about it, and don't cry when people state their honest beliefs.


The characters ARE depicted as real Christians, who do exist in the world, and who have every right to exist in the world, contrary to what all my vitriolic critics believe. What is wrong with that (I'm not asking you, of course, but them)?
Exist in the world, yes. Exist as characters on this site preaching than engaging in TUGs? That's another matter. As I said, this is a forum for TUG stories; not for religious proselytizing. If you cannot understand the difference, again you're in the wrong place.


But I do have to say, if you want to start a discussion about Christianity and TUGs, the General Chat is a better place for it.
But, unless I'm wrong (I haven't looked into that forum yet) it wouldn't allow "At The Old Barn" at all, would it? Which was the WHOLE reason for my coming here. THIS is one of the places where "every creature" is found, rather than there.
You're not wrong. This would not be suitable there; not in its current form, anyway.

One of my required courses as a certified teacher was "Advanced Composition," at University of Cal. at Davis. I made an A in it. I also scored a percentile in somewhere in the 80s in Writing, given to Graduate Students from the "Princeton Graduate Record Examinations" or something like that --- I've forgotten. With my background knowledge in those subjects, I remain of the opinion that the attackers of my writing ability don't know what they're talking about there, either. This is substantiated by a critical look at their own writings
That kind of attitude won't win you friends here. I used to be a professional editor, but you don't see me throwing that into people's faces.
Do you want to be artistic - or do you want to get your point across clearly? Some people can do both. Imo you are NOT one of them.
I have known many writers, including Isaac Asimov. Most good and great writers I have known or heard of were always willing to listen to constructive feedback and try to examine and fix the flaws others saw in their writing styles. The fact that you seem defensive rather than willing to admit that maybe the rest of us know something that you do not is, in my professional opinion, NOT a good sign.
That trait is, btw, another reason I left being a Christian. Your "I-know-best" attitude is much too common among the 'devout' religious crowd (as opposed to normal, reasonable religious folks, with whom I have no problem).
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

Re: At The Old Barn

Postby Janet » Thu May 22, 2014 8:43 am

You: Most good and great writers I have known or heard of were always willing to listen to constructive feedback and try to examine and fix the flaws others saw in their writing styles.

I have already done this, at least 3 times. Why do you not acknowledge that fact?

Janet

Re: At The Old Barn

Postby Jason Toddman » Thu May 22, 2014 10:52 am

Janet wrote:You: Most good and great writers I have known or heard of were always willing to listen to constructive feedback and try to examine and fix the flaws others saw in their writing styles.

I have already done this, at least 3 times. Why do you not acknowledge that fact?

Janet

Because you have so far shown no evidence that are you are listening and are willing to fix said flaws. Instead you have responded in a purely defensive manner. That's all you did here as well. Not even a simple "Okay, I'll think about it." Even Harlan Ellison - a real pain-in-the-GD-ass as a person and the most contentious man I have ever met but undeniably a great writer - does that much... well, with the few people he respects anyway.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

Re: At The Old Barn

Postby Driverman » Thu May 22, 2014 10:59 pm

This has been an interesting conversation. To chime in with my two cents worth...

I am also a professional writer, but as Jason noted about himself, I don't feel the need to boast about it or list my credentials and follow that with an arrogant statement that anyone critical of my work doesn't know what they are talking about. A good writer realizes that something as esoteric as this piece may have it's place in the world with a niche audience, but the general masses are going to be turned off by it. A writer worth their salt would also accept that rather than try to defend it in a back and forth that will go round and round 'til kingdom come. This piece will never appeal to a mass audience.

I'm not going to get into the religion bit except to say that you are completely wrong about one point... I am a non-religious, non-spiritual person, and not once in my life have I thought of religious people as "alien" as you put it. People can believe however they want and it's no skin off my back, and I have respect for people who believe differently than I do. I would never attempt to categorize an entire group of people the way you did, nor would I ever say they are wrong and I am right. Again, that is arrogant.

Finally, I am curious, and if it's none of my business please tell me and I will let it go, but I noticed you signed your first response to Jason as "Bob" but you are "Janet" for you signature name and elsewhere. By which name should we refer to you?

Good luck to you and I hope you are able to find that niche audience that would appreciate your efforts!

Re: At The Old Barn

Postby Janet » Fri May 23, 2014 3:17 pm

Driverman wrote:This has been an interesting conversation. To chime in with my two cents worth...

Thank you Driverman --- appreciated.

I am also a professional writer,

And I am not . . . I only made reference to required courses and tests I had taken.

but as Jason noted about himself, I don't feel the need to boast about it or list my credentials

It is significant, I think, that this "boasting" was not addressed to Jason. And, to the person to whom I was writing, and in its context, maybe I'm wrong, but I don't see it as boasting, but rather explanatory to that person's suggestion that he "didn't think it might be necessarily required that I adopt a different writing style . . ." Jason took those comments as to himself in his replies on the matter. The idea, to whom I was writing was, "What other writing style should I choose, and why? This is the style I was taught, and scored highly in (focus, etc)." I'm sorry it got lifted out of the context I spoke it in. And I continue this into your next statement . . .

and follow that with an arrogant statement that anyone critical of my work doesn't know what they are talking about.

That is NOT what I said! I had certain specific persons in mind, one in particular, and pardon me for not double checking on this, here, THAT is the way I put it. Your characterization is false. The difference, as Mark Twain once put it, "the difference between lightning and a lightning bug." And I don't doubt that you're well familiar with that, being a professional writer.

A good writer realizes that something as esoteric as this piece may have it's place in the world with a niche audience, but the general masses are going to be turned off by it. A writer worth their salt would also accept that rather than try to defend it in a back and forth that will go round and round 'til kingdom come. This piece will never appeal to a mass audience.

That is true of the whole website. Why pick on and single out me? What I wrote, IMO, was a beautiful love story involving TUG. Neither I nor anyone else should expect what they write to be well received --- even in this way-out forum. I HAD SOMETHING TO SAY; and as I said, as soon as I decide NO ONE wants to hear it, I'll be gone. I came here looking for friends of like interests, as we all do. So far, I think I've found one. That isn't good enough statistics to stay much longer.


I'm not going to get into the religion bit except to say that you are completely wrong about one point... I am a non-religious, non-spiritual person, and not once in my life have I thought of religious people as "alien" as you put it. People can believe however they want and it's no skin off my back, and I have respect for people who believe differently than I do. I would never attempt to categorize an entire group of people the way you did, nor would I ever say they are wrong and I am right. Again, that is arrogant.

To begin with, that is a statement of fact, found in numerous places in the Bible, the Word of God, Who made us, and the world. It is not my own characterization, although it has been vividly shown repeatedly here. People can include football, sports, opera, movies, politics, in their TUGs, fully blasting forth their opinions of all the same. And almost never do you hear (except perhaps for politics) the irrational hatred, scorn, etc you can see I have received because my fictitious characters were involved with the Lord Jesus Christ and the Bible. "The world will hate you; know that it hated Me first" It is not arrogant to point to truth, especially when it's as obvious to anyone who looks, as it is here.


Finally, I am curious, and if it's none of my business please tell me and I will let it go, but I noticed you signed your first response to Jason as "Bob" but you are "Janet" for you signature name and elsewhere. By which name should we refer to you?

Janet


Good luck to you and I hope you are able to find that niche audience that would appreciate your efforts!

Thank you! I think I've found possibly one, so far --- and that is about the ratio I expected at the beginning