Postby Fesselfan » Thu Nov 12, 2009 5:14 am
Hello Christian,
this actually could have been a nice story. What spoiled it (for me!) is the fact that it reads as if it was rushed out in two minutes.
Tips:
1st at least use a spell checker (I do it for my stories, too, as english is not my primary language)
2nd paragraphs are your friend, not your enemy
3rd take your time. More detail- let the story develop instead of slamming it in the readers face.
As it stands now, all potential of that story is wasted. I am sure you can do better!
Cheers
FF
There are 10 kind of people in the world.
Those who understand binary numeral system, and those who don't.