This is an entirely true story. The names of the people involved were changed to respect their privacy. And yes. They are both members of this site. BE WARNED: This isn't 100% TUGs. I'm just kinda ranting right now.
It was approaching autumn, but that didn't mean much in Arizona. It didn't get cold until about November in the valley. I had been on facebook for nearly an hour and was getting ready to sign off when I got a message from someone I didn't know. I opened it and suddenly went wide-eyed with what I read.
"Hi. I'm just wondering... are you (username) on yahoo answers?" I got excited. I had written several little blips and asked for people's opinions on yahoo answers. I had a lot of positive feedback and thought this was a fan of my work. I answered that I was indeed (username). The next response sent me into a panic: "Oh cool. I saw your handgag question."
My heart froze. I had completely forgotten about that. My first question on yahoo had been a request to find other people interested in handgags and it had been years ago. I asked him how he found me. I wasn't intelligent as I youngin. I'm still pretty stupid. But nothing tops this.... My email address was my name... the same name that was on my facebook. No wonder he found me so easily. My face flushed red and my whole body shook. I looked around my house, praying to God that no one was watching me. I hurriedly typed an excuse:
"Oh.... Yeaaaaaaah. I was a kid. I was into that kinda stuff back then. Lol." Good. I played it off cool. Smooth. But I was still horrified. I went to block him.
"Haha. Yeah. I was just wondering if you were still looking for someone." I paused. What? Other people were into this? I looked around again. Clear.
"Um. Yeah, kinda. I mean, I stopped looking, but I'd always love to... um.... yeah. Why? You like em too?" I hit the send button.
"Heh. Yeah. I haven't met up with anyone in a while and you looked interesting. I was wondering if you wanted to." My heart started racing again. "YES!" I wanted to scream. But meeting a total stranger off the internet? That would be the most dangerous thing I've ever done in my whole life. (Lol. So innocent and sweet hearted back in those days. I was even a virgin). Well, in short, we hit it off, me and... we'll call him Brent (cuz I like that name). He and I got to talking about things other than H.O.M. and TUGs. We hit it off instantly. I called him my Insta-buddy. He seemed to like the idea. We exchanged numbers and texted endlessly. Or... I texted endlessly. He laughed at my jokes and made very witty comebacks. I felt, for the first time, to have found someone who was the perfect best friend.
It's at this point that I should inform you that I've been struggling with my sexuality for years prior to this. Lots of depressing crap and blah blah blah. I'm gay. At the time I met Brent, I knew I was gay, but I was still in the closet. That's a lot of pent up emotions and feelings. Yet even through all of that... I didn't think of him in a sexual manner. I thought of him as possibly the best friend I could have ever had... Ha.
Anyway, he came over, met my family (I hadn't been removed from my home yet. My parents weren't informed I was gay until a few months later). We had fun playing xbox with my brother, who insisted (most annoyingly) to being in the room to make sure we didn't hurt "his baby". Anyway, after we had some awkward moments and (what I thought was) fun time just hanging out, he left. This set the stage for me to be able to visit him frequently. Brent is hardcore Christian. That sat well with mum and dad. So we decided to hang at his place.
I sat on the bed, he on the chair by the desk. The room was small and laundry was everywhere. Typical college kid. Brent was two years older than me. He said I was two years more mature than others of my age. (18 or 19. I forget which) We laughed, talked, listened to music. He showed me some music he had composed on the computer. I showed him some of the manga I had drawn. We talked on and off about handgags. Eventually I confessed to having met another person- oh yeah. (Having gained confidence from my first meeting with Brent, I met another person I met on a gay dating site. Ugh. It was awkward). I talked to Brent about how this guy and I just sat and nothing happened (a true statement). Brent made a nervous laugh.
"Aw, what the heck," he said, waving his hand through the air. He jumped up and before I could figure out what was happening, his hand was cupped around my mouth and he pulled me down next to him on his way onto the bed. I lay there for a very brief moment completely stunned before I let out my nervous giggle. It muffled perfectly in his hand. The thing I had waited years for was here. Thank God. He explained that he didn't want to just talk and not end up doing anything and be all awkward and stuff. I laughed into his hand, getting more and more excited. I'm sure I had boner trying to pitch a tent in my pants. I pray he didn't notice. Though if you're reading this... pffff ahahahahaha! Anyway...
We lay there on his bed. His hand clamped on my mouth firmly. I moaned "Mmmmmph!" into his hand. Perfect. Simple and perfect. I still wasn't interested in him as a sexual partner, unless you counted this as sex. o_o Freaks. But I felt relief. I had a friend that was willing to do this? We had to be best buds now. This was deep and personal. Neither of us wanted anyone to know. It was private. That made us special. Not gay-special. Maybe a little retarded-special, yes. But we were friends that weren't... ashamed of each other. Ya'know?
After an hour, we sat up. I pretended to stretch my neck and make it look like I had been exhausted. No idea why. I just did. Then I turned on him. I was much less graceful about it. I'm pretty sure I hit his glasses. Ha. And not going to lie here. If YOU are reading stop.
He was hot. And for a flickering moment, I had him. My right left arm rested under his head and held on to his left wrist. My right hand was pressed firmly on his mouth. I could smell his hair gel. I looked down his body. Not the most impressive, but does it need to be when it's all yours? It was hot. The shapes, the contour of his figure, everything. Even the bulge (which I'm sure he'd deny). I held him firmly. It was perfect. He moaned into my hand. My eyes rolled back and I stifled a sigh of ecstasy. Suddenly I remembered that he was straight. I lurched back into the present. His pathetic half-struggles against me, hot though they were, were not meant to arouse me. And so, I forced my feelings down. I'm glad I did. I like him better as a best friend.
I held him against my chest for about an hour. His mouth firmly clamped into my palm. Each moan and vain struggle sent sensual tingles up my arm, but instead of turning me on and/or giving me sexual pleasure, they made me laugh. It was funny. Not sexual. It was cool. Chill. I was laid back. I was having fun. He was having fun too. We were tug buds.
We had a handful of sessions after that day. Only a handful. If we weren't at the arcade, we were handgagging or zip-tying each other. He even used his very last bit of bondage tape on me. Then, sometime around then, he confessed that he didn't feel right about TUGs. Thought they were too sexual. It's hard t be a perfect Christian when you're indulging in stuff like this. Or at least that's what his idea was. I guess it made sense. I actually completely understood. I agreed not to do any TUGs with him anymore. We weren't hanging out as much after that. It was a little depressing. Disconcerting.
Around this time I lost my virginity to the douche I was talking about earlier. You know? The second guy I met via internet. It wasn't entirely voluntary, but it wasn't rape. I lost it. Everything I had been hiding exploded out at my parents and I ran away to Tucson to clear my head. Actually, my friend basically abducted me because I was on "suicide watch". Depressed? Yeah, but not enough to die over it. Pffft. Anyway, I came out to Brent. He seemed indifferent, but uncomfortable. Yet we made jokes about it. He asked if I thought he was hot. 8 of 10. Ha ha! We were still buds. But my parents weren't please. They gave me less then two months to find a new place to live. The only place I found that would actually work with my budget was a place I had been with a random guy I hooked up with a few months after the running away fiasco. I knew it was a bad idea. I felt like I was going to be expected to be this guy's sex slave or something. I told my concerns to Brent. He wasn't pleased or helpful. Being gay had surely changed his viewpoint of me. He refused to talk to me after that. Said he couldn't be around me or talk to someone in my position because it made it hard for him to want to be a good Christian.
"Besides, we both know we only saw each other for tugs," he texted me once.
"I didn't," I said back. We stopped talking. And eventually I became my hook-ups boyfriend, who is now my ex after he moved to Maryland. I had no where to go but my friend's house in Tucson (the friend who had taken me in after I lost my v-card). So that's where I am now. And what sucks is that I haven't met anyone else who likes to just chill and handgag. I hafta suck someone off or let them up my man hole just get tied up. It's a little disappointing, but maybe that's all I'm worth now anyway. After all, if the Christians don't want me, who will? (Note: I was and still am Christian. I'm just a sinner too)
If you made it this far, thank's for reading. Sorry for ranting. And yes. The title is a hint to this guy's username. We have since apologized to one another. But I don't think we'll ever be friends.