There always comes a time, when we as people in a growing society, must accept our place and merge into world via the shells that are provided for us. Such is the case of Ritsu. Upon his shoulders lies the future of his family, the loins of the next generation of his family name, Sagiri, and the potential for great fame and fortune. In life, we forget at times that we are given a choice, and that those choices ultimately lead to the next and concurrently, our futures. Here is such a choice.
Chapter 1: One Too Many
No... no, no, no, no, I must be going insane. I never should have... I never should have even met him. My name is Ritsu Sagiri, a 1st year at Seira Academy, an all boys private school somwhere along the coastline of eastern Japan. I'm slightly higher than average, about 5'8" with a slender frame and mid-length wavy black hair. It's the middle of March, and we've just been excused from school due to a fire alarm; however, I took refuge in a nearby restroom after crossing paths... with him again.
"Look at yourself, Ritsu, and consider this: he's a man, just like yourself." I kept trying to tell myself to calm down, but my heart would not stop racing. I felt like on the verge of tears. "Not again... I won't consider it. Ever!"
The bathroom doors flung open and I quickly hide my tears behind my sleeve. "Oi! Ritsu-kun!!" A familiar voice.
"Eh? Arakawa-san?" I opened my eyes to see my friend, Arakawa standing in the doorway. He's about the same height as me and build, but with short brown hair with bangs that cover part of his face.
"Ah, Ritsu-kun if you're found on school grounds, the teachers are gonna get so pissed. Everyone's gone back to the dorms, so we should head back too."
"Oh, alright. Sorry Arakawa-san. Let's go stop by the school store - it should still be open, right?" Oh and before I go further, Arakawa Karagane is my childhood friend. I'm not crying about him but I know he'd throw a fit if he discovered what I was truly worried about.
"Can you cover me today? I forgot my wallet in my room," Arakawa had his arms behind his head as he walked, with his happy-go-lucky grin.
"Sure.. just don't forget to pay me back this time!!"
"Aw, it was just one time!" I heard him nag on about our past transactions but my mind drifted back into what happened earlier. "Oi.. Ritsu."
"Eh?" I jolted up.
"You're really quiet today... did something happen again?"
"... No, not exactly..."
"It better not be Shigure-san, I swear to God.."
"..."
"Listen, Ritsu-kun, although I still don't understand it myself, it was still hard for me to believe it when you came out to me last wee-"
"SHHH why are you so loud, Arakawa-san??" I had told my best friend last Sunday when he came over to my room that I've been having... strange feelings when I see certain boys on campus.
"Ritsu-kun... with your pretty boy looks, you could have any girl if you put your mind to it. Everytime we go to the mall, there's always some group of chicks giggling and blushing at the sight of you."
"You're there too, Arakawa.."
"Even when I'm not! I see at a distance those girls... and yet... you seem to notice only boys... why?"
"I told you, I don't know. I have no problem with girls... but I'm too afraid to talk to any of them. It's the same when I see cute guys... I just can't-"
"Yeah yeah, you can't control yourself. But you told me before, you're always getting hurt because you end up falling for these straight guys... no offense, but we don't actually have any intentions of switching over to your side."
Arakawa couldn't have been more true. Before I told Arakawa, I've confessed my feelings towards two of my friends before... I realized I had only gotten close with them in the hopes that they would think of me more than a friend. But... once I confessed, they cut off all ties with me. They were my good friends too, so it hurt to lose them... "And that's why I can't let the same happen again. I'm not losing Shigure-kun."
"Have you been hanging around with him lately, Ritsu-kun?"
"No... I can't even look at him..."
"Get over your crush and move on! It won't help on you to dote on someone who will never love you that way."
"But what if-"
"It doesn't work that way. You've known Shigure for what? A year? We both know that he's as straight as you or- well, as me at least."
Truth was... I really hoped that this was just a phase. I never intended to be gay. I didn't want to. Sure, the world is becoming more accepting of homosexuality, but it didn't mean that I've always wanted to become... part of it. But for some reason, I'm only turned on to guys, especially skinny fit guys, like you see in manga or comics. And before I knew it, all I would hope to see in my favorite TV shows were cute guy characters... tied up. Bondage became my thing, my fetish... Since I turned 13 (I'm 16 now), I've fantasized having a friend that would play with me, that I could have adventures with, and pretend with. I'd gotten Arakawa into playing tie up with me, but ever since he found out about my secret.. he's given it no thought.
Anyways, I had hoped that I would grow out of this. I told myself that I'd get a boyfriend, have sex, and then be over with this phase in my life. I'd marry a nice girl and have children the old-fashioned way and live a normal and stress-free life. God, that's what I wanted. But the thought of me being with a boy that I like.... really gets me going.
"Ritsu.. if you know what's good for you, don't tell Shigure what your feelings are. I don't want to see you hurt again."
"Thanks Arakawa... don't worry so much about me though, what about you?"
"Ehh?? I'm not ga-"
"I MEANT THIS" annoyed, I pointed to the convenience store. The closed sign was hanging from the doorknob.
"Oh shit! Even the store is- Ritsu, do you have food in your room??"
"Yeah, I'll heat you up something."
"Thank you!!"
As we walked down the pathway to our dormitory, I had a lot to consider. I'll just ask... if we can hang out tomorrow.... yeah that should be fine. I took out my phone and shot Shigure a text.
ME: HEY ARE YOU FREE TOMORROW AFTERNOON?
As quick as lightning, I felt a vibration.
SHIGURE RYUBASA: YEAH.
ME: WANNA GO HANG OUT?
Buzz.
SHIGURE RYUBASA: SURE.
I hated his quick and short replies...
"Ritsu? Who're you texting?" Arakawa was lurking over my shoulder.
"Ah... just a classmate!" I slid my phone into my pocket. Yeah... tomorrow I'll be sure to set some boundaries for myself. Just play it cool, Ritsu...
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Sorry for the slow (and rather non-intimate) start! I'll be sure to add in more TUG references as the story goes along tho!