the burglars surprise

Postby viking » Wed Jan 23, 2013 1:45 pm

it was a cold saturday night in january, the snow was falling and everything was silence. except for the cat staring at him from across the street Jim was the only person around as far as he could tell.
he had kept on eye at the mansion in front of him for some time now, a car pulled out about 30 minutes ago, he knew that the people who lived there used to be gone every saturday and they would be for several hours.
"alright, i can do this" he said to himself as he took the pantyhose out of his pocket and pulled over his head, hoping he was prepared enough as he slowly sneaked up on the house.
he walked around and searched for the easiest solution to get inside.

"the balcony perhaps?"
he started to climb up along the wall underneath the balcony and realized how cold the snow was on his bare fingers. it was a long climb but seemed to be the only way up.
as he had managed to get about half the way the became to much, his fingers got numb and he loosened his grip.

"luckily the snow will give me a soft landing" he thought as he felled down straight into the wheelbarrow filled with frozen soil.
Jim lay there and gasped for air trough the pantyhose that was covering his face and tried to see if he could still move his legs.
after a few minutes he managed to get up on his feet again. that's when he noticed the backdoor that was open and a couple of footprints in the snow that seemed like more than one person had recently walked out...
"what the...?"
well, this was his chance. Jim could just walk in trough the door if he wanted too but then again who could it be that had walked out of there and how long ago was that, he didn't see anyone walk out the door and nobody had seemed to notice him either.
but what the hell, he was planning to rob this house and this was his chance so he took it while he had and walked in.

the first room Jim came into was the kitchen where he found huge surprise.
a young girl probably about 17 years old with dark hair and blue eyes was sitting in a chair. she was wearing a red sweater and jeans, she had a scarf around her mouth and brown ropes that was tied around her ankles, knees, waist and below her breasts, as well as her arms was tied behind the back of the chair.
"holy mayonnaise!" Jim shouted.
the girl tried to say something trough her gag but it was not easy to understand.
Jim slowly moved towards her and removed the scarf, she spitted out another one that was stuffed in her mouth and said "who are you and what are you doing here?"
she looked strangely at him and continued to speak "and why are you wearing lady's underwear on your head?"

"i was about to ask you the same thing... except for that underwear part"
the girl sighed and said sarcastic "oh, how rude of me. my name is Wendy, and right now i'm a little bit tied up as you can see. now do you mind telling me what you are doing here?"
Jim was as confused as he could get and carefully answered "uh, i am Jim the burglar and i was going to rob this place"
Wendy seemed to be a little shocked but it did not take her long to answer "wow... well to bad for you there has already been two other burglars here"
"what? what do you mean"
"let's take it from the start shall we" Wendy continued "you see the people who lives here are going out every saturday night and they are usually gone for a long time, and i am the regular babysitter. today i had some extra homework i had to study so i sent them to bed early, and short after two burglars came in and they tied me up to this chair. they left with everything that is worth something about ten minutes before you got here."

aha, that explains the open door and the footprints Jim thought. the door must have been badly locked the whole time he was trying to climb up the balcony and the wind must have opened it right after he got up from the wheelbarrow.
still Jim was disappointed "dammit" he said "i must be the worst robber on the planet" as he sat down in one of the kitchen chairs.
Wendy turned her head towards him and said "oh, well don't feel so bad, you just had a little bad luck" then she smiled and said "i bet that the next house you try to rob will be a much better success".
"this is the 8th house this week that i fail to rob" he said with an angry tone.
"oh... what happened at the other 7?"

"the first house was heavily guarded by dogs" he started explaining
"is that why you got a big hole in your pants, around your butt?" Wendy asked.
"no, i will get to that later. the second house i was going to get help from my brother, but he is so stupid he managed to push the alarm when we first got in there"
"wow" Wendy said before Jim continued "yeah wow, and that is not all, he was so stupid that he forgot that he was supposed to wear the pantyhose on his head so he actually pulled it on his legs instead... and to make it even worse he didn't wear ANYTHING underneath... at all..."
once again Wendy interrupted "before i forget to ask, why are you wearing that pantyhose on your head?"
"to cover my face, i couldn't get a proper mask. anyway, the third house didn't have any dogs they had a cat instead".
"why is that a problem?"
"because i'm allergic, as soon as i got in there i could barely breath so i had to run out again A.S.A.P. so i could get some fresh air. the fourth house was no problem at all except for one thing, i didn't know that nobody lived there"
"well, it could have been worse" Wendy said as she shrugged her Shoulders (at least as much as she could considering how she was tied up and all).
"it gets worse too, you see the fire department was going to use this house in training for how to handle a house that was burning so shortly after i got in there i noticed that the whole place was on fire including the door i came in by. in the fifth house it appeared that the owner was home, and he was the typical redneck who has a fetish for guns... and THAT is why i got a big hole in my pants around the butt".

Wendy's eyes widened "ouch".
"yeah ouch, that's exactly what it was" Jim said "the sixth house was a rather old one it's only a block away from here"
"oh yeah, the haunted one" Wendy said "we usually joke about it at school how it is filled with ghosts and stuff and then we dare each other to go in there"
"girl, let me tell you something. that is not just a joke, it really is haunted. the reason why that housed failed was because the ghosts scared the crap out of me"
Wendy looked at Jim as if he was some kind of weirdo or something.
"IT'S TRUE!"
"okay, sure... what about the last house? how did that fail?"
Jim was quiet for a short time.
"i forgot my pantyhose..." he said quietly.

"oh, you really had some bad luck. i almost feel sorry for you" Wendy said.
"really, you do?"
"just almost"
"anyway, now i can add failure number eight to my list: somebody got there before me and i ended up using the tied up babysitter as a psychologist, and not to forget about how i might have broken a couple of bones trying to get in there"
"what? how did you do that, does it have anything to do with the noise i heard before you got in?"
"well, i tried to climb up the balcony and felled down in the wheelbarrow below it"
"why did try to climb it, wouldn't it been easier to take the stairs?"
"what stairs?" Jim said.
he slowly got up and went outside in the could again, looked at the balcony and followed it around the corner where there it was.
Jim's face was filled with tears as he got back indoor, realizing how much trouble he could have avoided.
he sat down in the chair again and slammed his face down at the table several times as he cried "stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid".

Wendy didn't know what to do, here she sat all tied up and a burglar was crying in front of her because he realized how much he had messed up.
after a while Jim just sat still with his head resting on the wet table after all the tears he had cried.
"oh cheer up lad" Wendy suddenly said and Jim looked up on her
"you see, Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best.
And, always look on the bright side of life" she started to sing "Always look on the light side of life"

"is this supposed to help me feel better?" Jim said angry.
"well is it working?"
Jim wiped the tears out of his eyes and said "actually yeah, a little".
"good, now i'm gonna be nice to you, if you just leave i will pretend that none of this ever happened and not call the police on you or tell the owners of this house, i will just tell them about the burglars who stole anything"
"you know what, that actually seems like a really good deal. i will leave now"
"and another thing Jim, try to find something else you can do instead of robbing people, it's obvious that you suck at it"
"and what do you suggest i should do then Wendy?"
"well, your stories are actually kind of funny. how about stand up comedy?"
"yeah... that was not a bad idea at all" Jim said as he left trough the door "thank you Wendy, you have been big help".

as he shot the door Wendy realized one thing "hey Jim! could you please untie me before you leave? JIM?!"
"who is Jim?" a voice behind Wendy said.
it was the kids she was babysitting.
"oh hey guys, did you manage to hide the loot?" she said to them.
"yes" the 11 year old boy said "after we went outside we walked to the garage".
"yeah, and then we hided to loot we stole behind some old wheels" the 9 year old girl said "i see you managed to get the gag off"
"yep, but you sure did some good work on the rope. you think you could untie me now?" Wendy said to the little kids standing there.
"sure Wendy" both said together as they started to untie the ropes.
"thanks guys, you were great burglars"
"can we play this game next saturday too? this was one of the funniest games we ever played with you" said the 11 year old boy.
"but next time i want to be the victim" the girl said "how about if i am a princess that gets captured by the evil pirates or something"
Wendy smiled and said "that sounds fun, i'm sure we can come up with something"

the next saturday Wendy was once again hired to babysit the kids, and just like promised she would play another game where the girl would be captured by the evil pirates.
and if you wonder what the parents always went out for each and every saturday night it was because they was going to the local comedy club that used to have stand up comedy every saturday.
and when they got back home this time they told Wendy about how great this new stand up comedian was, apparently it was some guy named Jim who had been a big hit.
Jim was quiet for a short time.
Once a scout, always a perverted pyromaniac with a fetish for knives and duct tape

Re: the burglars surprise

Postby Jay Candice » Sun Jan 27, 2013 2:13 am

I appreciate the variety of stories we have here, not just ones solely based on being tied up. Thanks for this new addition, Viking.
In the end, it matters not how many breaths you took, but how many took your breath away.
-shing xiong

We are not retreating, we are advancing in another direction
-General Douglas MacArthur

Fall down seven times, stand up eight
-Japanese Proverb

Re: the burglars surprise

Postby gagged-cowboy » Mon Jan 28, 2013 1:23 pm

Wow, great and funny story, viking. Thank you