To be perfectly honest I'm not sure how much I agree with you as far as how much "Nature" and "Nurture" define our dominant/submissive traits... But I suppose this board isn't really the best place to talk about it.
Oh, I don’t know, I think it’s a fascinating topic... although I am no expert. There’s no doubt that both nature and nurture play a role; it’s the relative contribution of each that I think is the mystery.
Though as far as guys go, having a submissive personality does not necessarily go hand in hand with being submissive sexually. In fact, it's quite the opposite. When I described myself as a submissive guy, I meant that entirely in the context of bondage. I'm certainly not the most aggressive man in the world, but I would not describe myself as a pushover.
I’m not quite sure what you mean (although this may be due to my being both sleep and caffeine deprived at the moment) when you say it’s just the opposite. I take it you’re referring to what the dominatrix explained, and that I can totally agree with.
Now I am not really qualified to respond to your main point since I can only address this from a female point of view, and from my specific perspective. Nevertheless, my situation is actually rather similar to yours. I am very assertive/aggressive in my professional and social life – I wouldn’t say dominant or domineering, but only because I’m often dealing with others of the same type. I am, however, extremely submissive in my personal relationships. However, I don’t believe it’s the “craving for release†that motivates me, and maybe that’s where men and women are different. I feel more natural (more “feminineâ€) in my submissive private state and somewhat alien (more “masculineâ€) in my assertive public persona.
Concerning bondage, I have a theory that these inclinations (And I don't mean this to be derogatory) are a deviation from the standard sexual model that occurs at some point during adolescence.
It’s funny, I used that same word (“deviationâ€) in the original draft of my post, with a footnote: “And
deviation is employed in the strictly statistical sense.â€
What I'm trying to figure out is the conditions that causes this to occur.
In my case, my personal upbringing conditioned me to be strong and independent, which is true (mostly) for both male and females in modern society. Submissiveness is therefore no longer the accepted norm for either sex. So yes, something causes some of us to deviate from that norm.
Interestingly, though, I’ve read that in the bondage lifestyle submissive males outnumber submissive females, whereas in “mainstream†culture it’s the opposite. That’s why I believe that for submissive men it’s nurture overcoming nature and for submissive females it’s
vice versa. I’m certainly not saying that the bondage lifestyle is “unnaturalâ€, just that it is not the norm.
Actually, I don’t think I’ve made things clearer, so I shall leave it at that.
~ Sarah
Words, like Nature, half reveal and half conceal the soul within.