Advice please.

Postby dreadnaught3200 » Thu Jan 06, 2011 10:52 pm

Hey Guys

I went for a walk with a really good friend of mine a few weeks ago and I had decided that I was going to admit my bondage fantasies to her. I figured out of all my friends she'd understand and maybe, just maybe, there was the chance she was into it too. So I went, we had a few beers, talked about... everything... and went for a walk, and finally when she said something about carrying secrets around that we didn't tell anybody I saw my chance. So I said yes, and she immediately started demanding I tell her what it was. After a few deep breaths I said: "I have a pair of handcuffs in my room." She was a little shocked, basically saying she never would've seen that coming from me in a million years. She didn't admit to sharing my interests so I assumed she didn't. We didn't talk about it much further.

That night, I could hardly sleep, I felt like I had blown an opportunity and hadn't told her everything I meant to. So at about two in the morning I sent her an e-mail basically saying what I wanted to mention but didn't. I asked her if this was something she was interested in. I get an e-mail back saying that it is, but she didn't really feel like it was appropriate for her to talk about her own interests at that point. So I wrote back basically saying that I had never tried bondage and would really like to. But I made it clear that I wanted to try it as friends and there wasn't anything sexual about it.

Well... After an epic game of e-mail tag that lasted about two weeks we went for another walk. She said (After avoiding the subject considerably) she was "on the fence about it" and that in her experience it had always been sexual and she thought that since I'm one of her best friends she thought it would be awkward. "So should I take that as a no?" I asked her. She replied "Yes. For now." I smiled and didn't tell her how disappointed I was.

So my question for you guys is this: Can you think of any way I can change her mind? Essentially to convince her to play a TUG rather than think of it like a sexual bondage thing.
There's a permanent tension in music isn't there? On one hand you have three chords, you know, four four and three chords. Then there's the people like me, who say "Well, why don't we add a fourth chord and put it in five four?" - Bill Bruford

Re: Advice please.

Postby BoundTight1 » Thu Jan 13, 2011 1:32 am

If all she has done was Bondage/ TUGs with sexual themes it's harder but not imposible... What Might work is the Option of a fully clothed session..... If you have not gotten her to say yes by now... Thats all that comes to my mind at this point unfortunatly...

Re: Advice please.

Postby Jason Toddman » Thu Jan 13, 2011 2:28 pm

If you're the kind who likes being handcuffed rather than handcuffing the other person, it might be relatively less difficult to get her to try this with you. Perhaps if you ever watch a DVD alone together when there's no chance ayone barging in on you, you could ask her if she'd be willing to handcuff (or tie) you to a chair until the movie is over. Or if even that is too much for her, ask her to simply gag you or blindfold you! Perhaps if you start slow and easy like that, she'll get more interested on ramping it up one notch at a time. Slow and steady wins the race, and all that sort of thing. It workedfor me once anyway (though the other person was a guy and he had already expressed curiosity in TUGs).
If you prefer being the tier though, this will likely be a LOT more challenging!
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

Re: Advice please.

Postby SamanthaBoundx » Thu Jan 13, 2011 3:07 pm

To be honest, a lot of people do only see TUGs as a sexual thing. The one time I allowed a "just a friend" to tie me, although I enjoyed it at the time, I rather wished I hadnt afterwards - it definitley turned out to be one of my worst experiences. I'm afraid that if this girl views TUGs as a merely sexual thing, then there isn;t much you can do to change that.

It's not a completely hopeless situation - there is a chance that she might change her mind. But I definitely think it has to be on her terms - when and IF she decides that she wants to. Any encouragement may make her feel pressured and she may end up doing something she regrets - and if you care about this girl, would you really enjoy doing something when it was abvious that she wasnt??

(Sorry to come across as a little miserly! Wish you the best of luck in her changing her own mind independently anyway!)

Re: Advice please.

Postby dreadnaught3200 » Fri Jan 14, 2011 1:51 am

Ok well, when I talked to her about it, she said that she "Had no idea how non-sexual bondage worked" (That's what I started calling it). My response was "It's basically the same, but the clothes stay on." So a "Clothes on" session was precisely what I was thinking of. And fortunately, I would certainly rather be tied than be the tiee, but... so does she. But I told her that I'm flexible and since she's in general a pretty easy going person, I imagine she is as well.

Anyway, I think Samantha is right. I told her that if she wasn't comfortable with it and that it wasn't something she wanted to do, I'd rather her just say no than to go through with it and the whole time be wishing she hadn't. So I think all I can really do is wait and drop subtle hints if the situation presents itself.

Thanks for the tips everybody.
There's a permanent tension in music isn't there? On one hand you have three chords, you know, four four and three chords. Then there's the people like me, who say "Well, why don't we add a fourth chord and put it in five four?" - Bill Bruford

Re: Advice please.

Postby SamanthaBoundx » Fri Jan 14, 2011 5:51 am

Brilliant way to handle it ^^ I hope that she comes round to the idea at some point and wish you the best in your TUG endeavours xD

Re: Advice please.

Postby Jason Toddman » Fri Jan 14, 2011 7:59 am

I agree with Samantha. Friends are too precious to risk losing for something like this. Better a good friend than an unenthusiastic TUG partner any day!
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

Re: Advice please.

Postby james14 » Sat Jan 15, 2011 2:46 am

Very true- Any of my ladies that i have tied up have said they like it- I have not asked them straight out but use the " What do you really like or want someone to do to you"- and assured them that I wont laugh or walk off. To be honest if a person does not like being tied then it is not , as you say.pushing the point and losing a freind.