Why we like to be helpless

Postby Soul_Rebel » Thu Aug 05, 2010 6:14 am

Despite loving TUGs all my life, I am still constantly bothered by the why's of it all. I have attempted to understand what draws me so strongly to thoughts of tying and gagging women, or even of being tied up myself. I want to know why we like to be tied up.

Now, I believe, I have come to a mild comprehension.

It's dark, you're in a small locked room. Tied to a chair, you have no ability for escape. There is nothing to be done about the situation; your are not in control.
The most freeing things can be found in restriction. No one is truly free until they realize that they are not free whatsoever.

This behavior is repeated by others in (subtlety) different ways. Those who use large amounts of depressants or alcohol, people who suffer from self-induced depression; making them feel unable to deal with everyday life, as well as those who blame everything on others.

Originally, I thought it had to do with responsibility. However, now I see that it is textbook escapism. We need to take a break somehow, and this cannot be done unless in a no-mind set. If there is nothing which can be done, the mind is allowed to empty.

I want to hear other's interpretations as well!
Whips and chains may break my bones, but ropes and gags excite me!

The image in my avatar is the work of Vonnart

"Duct tape makes you smart." - Michael Weston

Re: Why we like to be helpless

Postby Fesselfan » Thu Aug 05, 2010 6:22 am

Some good thoughts :-)

When looking especially at the D/S aspects of it all...human has been a group animal for hundreds of thousands of years. Such a group could only work- and improve- if there is i.e. a chain of dominance. You can still see that these days in wolves and other animals. They don't all have equal rights etc.

Well..now humans had 10 thousand years of civilisation, consciensce and all that which lead to wonderfull things like humanism and the atomic bomb. However, deep in our subconsciousness still lies the herd animal instict. As I see it, BDSM in part caters to this subcionscious level.

Cheers

FF
There are 10 kind of people in the world.
Those who understand binary numeral system, and those who don't.

Re: Why we like to be helpless

Postby Fesselfan » Thu Aug 05, 2010 6:25 am

p.s.: another fine explanation is, of course:

"Because I like it". :odd:


Cheers
FF
There are 10 kind of people in the world.
Those who understand binary numeral system, and those who don't.

Re: Why we like to be helpless

Postby xtc » Thu Aug 05, 2010 8:21 am

I prefer the other fine explanation.
xtc
Boxer shorts are cool,
but little speedos rule!

More by the same author: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=22729

Re: Why we like to be helpless

Postby bondageb0y » Thu Aug 05, 2010 1:10 pm

A good option would simply be using wikipedia or google rather than making imaginary theories about it. If you want the short answer:

-Domination/being dominated

Re: Why we like to be helpless

Postby gagged-cowboy » Sat Aug 07, 2010 2:19 am

I like to be helpless because when i am bound and gagged thats the only moment i feel truly free (i know its kind of paradox).

Re: Why we like to be helpless

Postby chloroformmeplease » Sat Aug 07, 2010 8:22 am

Whenever just about everyone I know personally comes to me with their problems or simply needing advice or my opinion or point of view it tends to make me feel I need a break from that everyday life situations. I wish to be free from the things I think about day after day.

Almost every job I 've held I ended up being a supervisor because of my ability to lead and get others to follow and also to solve problems without getting upset or nervous about it. I am usually calm in situations where I find others get nervous and can't think in a proper manner. All of this also made me want to take a break from being the leader. I always looked for a woman I thought had dominant traits and enjoyed being in control to be in a relationship with. Not that I wish to be dominated all the time. I simply like the feeling of her taking control behind closed doors.

In my everyday world I am not passive whatsoever. Someone mentioned wolves which in fact are more human like than any other creature other then humans. They have a chain of command and of course the leader is the alfa male. In my circle of friends and family I am considered that alfa male. I am aggressive and I let no one push me around. I arrive at this after going through some very strange things in my younger years. A paradox perhaps one might even say it is ironic since I was dominated by many women when I was younger. I still enjoy that but not on a day to day basis.

Yes being bound and gagged and even spanked or whipped is an escape from life's humdrum situations and stressful situations also.

Of course there is also the sexual stimulation I get from being dominated. I cannot have that kind of a relationship with a woman who is not into tying me up and gagging me among other things that come with BDSM. I find it otherwise boring without that aspect.

People in high power positions are known to be some of the biggest players in the BDSM world. I suspect it is their escape from it also. One could argue any of what has been said in this thread but it all boils down to what makes us tick individually. So some may agree and some may not but for those who do agree you know exactly what we are all saying here.
Treat others as you wish to be treated. Having said that I will not sit idly by while someone is disrespecting another just because they think they are better than everyone else.

Re: Why we like to be helpless

Postby Jason Toddman » Sat Aug 07, 2010 9:27 am

I myself do not think real world stress has mjuch to do with it for me personally. I've enjoyed being tied up since I was a little kid, and even years before my cousins and friends started sitting on me (about the time I turned 13) I was fantasizing about similar things being done to me while tied up. I have enjoyed being helpless as far back as I can remember, despite one time being left tied to a tree in my undershorts all night and getting almost eaten alive by a horde of mosquitoes when I was 7 or 8. You'd think that would break any enjoyment I'd get out of being tied and helpless but if anything it made those desires stronger. Later it was coupled with a desire to be tormented/dominated by my friends as well; it's harder to feel more helpless than *that*! At least, in any setting that's still reasonably safe.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

Re: Why we like to be helpless

Postby Jay Feely » Thu Sep 02, 2010 6:22 am

Because it allows us to give up control of our bodies to someone we trust. Trust is the key word in my first sentence. If we just have a random stranger tie us up, it eliminates the fun and pleasure from it. Also, tied up games should not be forced. Instead, people should always ask before tying up someone. Some of my stories has the element of forcibly being tied up, but in real life, I would not tie up someone without their permission. In some occasions, such as suprise birthday parties, tying up someone and kidnapping them could be fun for them, but again you need to know if they like it or not.
You will have to subdue me to restrain me. I been a bad boy so make sure you torture me too with anything but pain.

Re: Why we like to be helpless

Postby dreadnaught3200 » Thu Sep 02, 2010 11:25 pm

In my humble opinion, I don't think there is any one right answer. Thanks to the obvious fact that everyone is different, it is logical everyone who enjoys the feeling of helplessness (Or dominance for that matter) enjoys it for different reasons.

According to Freud, fetishes, like all other aspects of the personality, are developed during childhood. And since fetishes aren't passed genetically (At least not form what I've read) it's reasonable to assume that a sexual fetish is triggered by some kind of outside circumstance. In my case I think it developed for three reasons. A: I've always suffered from chronic anxiety. B: I have this weird self-imposed sense of responsibility for people. C: I've always found guidance/instruction from strong female figures in my life. Bondage satisfies all of these. Given the age old paradox: Restriction of Freedom equals emancipation from responsibility. You can't do anything you have to stress over. You can't take responsibility for your partner, they have to take responsibility for you. And (For someone like me) there's a woman to set me strait.

But this is just me, its different for everyone. Maybe some like it just for the sensation of being restrained, others just for the thrill of it all. Who knows?

And I think its totally normal for people like us to grapple with this question. In a way, I think that writing TUG stories is just an extension of that.
There's a permanent tension in music isn't there? On one hand you have three chords, you know, four four and three chords. Then there's the people like me, who say "Well, why don't we add a fourth chord and put it in five four?" - Bill Bruford

Re: Why we like to be helpless

Postby Jason Toddman » Fri Sep 03, 2010 5:06 am

I can relate to much of what you say, Dreadnought. For example, I also have an over-developed sense of responsibility for other people and anxiety issues. And for some reason, being tied up and dominated makes me feel extremely liberated. Certain fantasy characters I created long ago for instance acquire superhuman psychic powers when they are tied up - they are so liberated that their astral bodies can traverse time and space while their normal bodies remain bound. This fantasy is a reflecton of the way I personally feel (felt) when I am (was) tied well by someone I knew would take good care of me.
Such times were in fact often the only times when I felt like a whole person.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

Re: Why we like to be helpless

Postby SamanthaBoundx » Mon Sep 06, 2010 12:32 am

I've aslways had a submissive personality, not just in the bedroom but in the real world aswell - I like to please others and allow other people to take control because I don't feel capable to do that myself. For me, ironically, I enjoy being dominated because being treated liek that makes me feel looked after - odd, I know, but it's a situation in which I don't have to worry about anything because someone else makes all of the decisions for me and I have no say in them, which I really enjoy. Similarly, I know that my partner gets a lot of pleasure out of it, which makes me all the more appreciative of such experiences.

Another reason why I enjoy it is because it's a release. All the time, whether you're at work or at a party or with friends, whatever you're doing and whoever you're with, you usually have to act in a certain way. You have a kind of brain filter that stops you doing things that would be socially unacceptable like biting someone or singing the alphabet backwards jsut because you can. Now, I'm not saying those are things you would necessarily do while enjoying a TUG (or at least not for me, each to their own. . .), but the idea is when you're in that situation, you're doing something that's normally viewed as so crazy, so unacceptable that youcould do anything and it wouldn't matter. If you wanna go by fruedian theory then it's just you, your partner and you're animal instincts of aggression and sexual drives.

My third and final reason, much more simple and obvious than the others, is just that it feels good! I don't know whether it's natural or whether it's been nurtured, but to me, NOTHING matches the feeling of my wrists cinched together above my head with a nice, mouth filling gag between my lips, writhing and moaning and waiting for a little bit of pleasure!

Gee, that was a lot longer than I intended it to be, sorry! Haha!

Re: Why we like to be helpless

Postby Jason Toddman » Mon Sep 06, 2010 6:01 am

I know exactly how you feel with that last. About the only real difference between you and me in our liking for TuGs is that my personality is generally submissive only when am tied up. In RL as well as online, I am nowhere near that submissive, as some people on this board can attest to when I've had the occasional disagreement (or full blown fight) with them. Strangely, I am far less willing to endure verbal/psychological abuse than I am to endure physical abuse.
Yet conversely I am extremely mild-mannered when playing TuGs with friends, which is how I developed my peculiar favorite fetish in the first place I suppose.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

Re: Why we like to be helpless

Postby dreadnaught3200 » Mon Sep 06, 2010 10:08 am

As I said before, every case is different, but I'll venture a gross generalization in this case, and I think that the only real difference between you two is simply gender. The stereotype of having a man in the dominant position and woman in the submissive position is well grounded in fact. In one study I read it said that females were less likely to develop a sexual fetish than men and out of the ones who did a very high percentage (Something in the region of 80 to 90 percent. I don't remember exactly) preferred being in the submissive role. Meaning a truly dominant woman is harder to find than you might think. Way disproportionate to the amount of guys who want to be dominated. Damn

Whereas guys who tend to be submissive, generally have normal (So to speak) characteristics outside of the sexual realm and crave submission as a release of those norms. Which seems to sum up Jason's situation quite well.
There's a permanent tension in music isn't there? On one hand you have three chords, you know, four four and three chords. Then there's the people like me, who say "Well, why don't we add a fourth chord and put it in five four?" - Bill Bruford

Re: Why we like to be helpless

Postby Jason Toddman » Mon Sep 06, 2010 10:55 am

I think that's probably the kindest interpretation of my case that i've heard (or read) in quite some time. Thank you. :big:
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...