February 19, 2004
It feels weird starting another dairy at 14, but have so many... thoughts. My english teacher, Mrs. Flemings, says journal writing is "An excellent way of discovering oneself." Yeah I don't bout all that. Damn it though I have no idea what else to do... what's the worse that could happen? My kid sister finding it... second thought, that WOULD be pretty bad. Alright enough stalling, gonna start.
I... guess it started at school, during 4 period lunch. It started out normal enough. Me, Kate, and June were having lunch. You know nothing special, Until Ben walked in. Ha, Kate buried herself in her lettuce. She liked him and we knew it. So naturally we teased her. We didn't say or do anything differently then usual, I guess Kate didn't want to hear it. So she reached out and grabbed my mouth with her hand.
It made me feel so... numb. I heard June laughing at us and continue her teasing. I... frozen. I don't how to described what it was I was feeling. I mean I can describe how Kate's palms where soft and warm over my lips and how her fingers pintched my cheeks. I was feeling so much more though...everywhere. I don't know how to describe it.
It didn't there though. Later that day in History, we watched some dumb movie. It somehow tied into some war, I don't know. I hate history. In the movie though, the girl got caught by the army guys... and they tied her up and tied up her mouth too. It was weird, they took a cloth and pulled it past her teeth and knotted it behind her. I'd seen stuff like this before... but it was different that day. All I could think about was Kate's hand on my mouth and that strange feeling that made it hard to move. I couldn't tell if I liked it or not. I still can't
Then it happened again after I got home from school. My sister was watching that dumb movie, small soldiers. I walked in on the part where the blonde girl was tied to the chair. I'd seen that movie, and that, a gazillon time. That day though, everytime I hear her scream into the tape that covered her mouth, made that feeling come back. Stronger with each scream.
I don't what's going on with me, cuz now I can't thinking about. I doubt writing in this stupid thing will help, but who know