A girl's thoughts on sweaty socks and service dominance

Postby Starlight » Sun Nov 20, 2016 9:57 am

Hello, everyone. This is something I've noticed is very prevalent on the site and I felt like it's time to address it.

Service dominance. For those of you who don't know what service dominance is - it's basically when you do things to your sub/bottom depending on what he/she wants (because doing what you want without consent or negotiating is a serious overstep and potentially even criminal).

The sub/bottom basically gets what he/she wants based only on his/her specific kinks.
From my experience topping/domming my girlfriend, this can be for better or worse and let me explain why.


Pros:

Knowing full well your sub/bottom loves what you're doing gives you the power to potentially tease the shit out of them and usually also removes doubt that you're doing something bad or wrong. If you're in an intimate relationship with this person, it could be a real turn on even if it might not be your biggest kink.

It might open up new doors for you as it turns out you actually DO like it.
Your sub/bottom totally owes you a favor. Lol.


Cons:

It might not be your thing at all and you will feel uncomfortable the entire time. This is not okay either. Don't forget to never consent to something you really don't want to do. It's okay to say fuck no.

It could mess up with your domspace if the sub/bottom wants something that really can't get you into the state or mood. You won't enjoy it and it will barely even feel like playtime. Chances are your sub/bottom will notice and the whole session is ruined.



There are probably many others but these were the ones I could come up with on the spot.

So why do I claim it's common on this site? Well, if you look at it, a lot of people here are probably either young, new to the scene or live entirely on fantasies and roleplaying (which is quite far from the real world, USUALLY). And no, I'm not trying to act like an "arrogant know-it-all", I'm just trying to be a bit frank...

I know there are lots of people here who DO want to find partners or introduce their current partners to bondage and if possible I would like to share
what I have experienced and what I know to help those who are still searching.

So far, my experience with service dominance has been very good as it not only converted my girlfriend, but also opened up new paths for our sessions. But it has had its downs too.

You see, I've always been a really big fan of being gagged whereas my girlfriend hasn't (partially because she is asthmatic). And two or three years ago, I realized I absolutely LOVE being gagged with someone's panties, socks or anything that carries a personal aroma that isn't MINE.

The first time was an AMAZING experience for me. I really can't explain the million thoughts going in and out of my mind together with that unfamiliar taste. It is VERY similar to when you visit your friend's house and it smells completely different from your own, except this time it's in your mouth - it's humiliating - and it's there to STAY.

Obviously, I got the idea from watching several bondage videos on the internet, and slowly but steadily I grew to like it. So I was very eager to introduce the idea to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she wasn't really super enthusiastic about it at first, but after a few times I'm almost certain something changed. Maybe she noticed what an effect it had on me because her attitude towards it changed completely. And I couldn't be happier, of course.

Then a year ago or so, I realized a relatively big kink of mine was sweat, which was EXTREMELY contradicting at the time since I usually hate being sweaty, or hate it when other people are. But combined with ropes and gags it totally turned me on and I couldn't really understand why. I just learned to accept it. Lol.

It was at this time I also came across videos and stories with sock gags and high heeled shoes being tied or taped over the face (there are many of those out there I realized). And obviously, I was also very eager to introduce this to my girlfriend.

This she totally did NOT understand at all. Especially since it was coming from me because I'm usually very picky about picking up dirty clothes from the floor that she throws there. Along with the fact that she thought it slightly "eeww" because, well, hygiene. Nevertheless, she agreed to try.
I insisted (quite selfishly) that I wanted to try having the socks and the shoe be "somewhat" sweaty, implying she would wear the socks at the gym at least.

FIRST OFF I just want to say that the HIGH HEELED SHOE tied over my nose was a HUGE let down at first. It honestly didn't even smell of anything other than leather and it made my nose itch like crazy. Also, I don't like the smell of leather so it kind of made me nauseous.

However, as I started trying to force myself into thinking "Holy crap, it's her shoe, gosh this is so humiliating, gosh it smells awful and I can't do anything about it, ugh mommy pls help me" (I didn't really think exactly like this but you get the point), it slowly started to work for me (but it took a few sessions).

During this time my girlfriend realized she enjoyed teasing me with her feet instead. Like, having them in my face. And ironically, at first I thought this was "eeww disgusting" which is also very contradicting I know. But I learned to like it too because my girlfriend looked like she thoroughly enjoyed it.

The socks were awesome too, but it took a while until we realized we couldn't use them straight from the gym workout since they weren't even smelly then (my clothes never get smelly no matter how much I workout in them though, sorry guys). We had to wait a few days (and we would preserve them... for reasons). Honestly, it was a bit ridiculous, but worth it.

It might not be the most super saltiest disgustingest eew ew ggrrmphmph im going to killllll you when i get out of this experience like most stories describe it here, but it can certainly be something cool if you are willing to play along.



Anyway, what do you guys think about service dominance. Good? Bad?
Normally, I would actually think its rather bad because I can see how it can take away the "magic" from a session or a relationship. Because I know I've been extremely lucky with my girlfriend and I'm not expecting everyone else to have the same kind of luck.

Re: A girl's thoughts on sweaty socks and service dominance

Postby cellofello » Wed Nov 23, 2016 5:12 am

Starlight wrote:Anyway, what do you guys think about service dominance. Good? Bad?
Normally, I would actually think its rather bad because I can see how it can take away the "magic" from a session or a relationship. Because I know I've been extremely lucky with my girlfriend and I'm not expecting everyone else to have the same kind of luck.


There is no One True Way. It all depends on what works for the people involved. For a lot of people, including myself, part of the fun is experiencing their partner's reactions. People like that may be able to service top and derive enjoyment from what they're drawing from the partner, even if the specific activity is not their favorite. And if it comes to materials to use, unless the top has a specific fetish in that regard, it can be a completely "I don't care" detail with no bearing on the top's enjoyment.

I'm a switch tending bottom. I'm OK with being a service top when I'm playing that role. When I'm on the bottom, my primary interest is being tightly and inescapably bound and gagged. I'm not into pain for its own sake. But the feeling of not being in control is a turn-on, so within my limits I am happy to let the top surprise me, even with things I really don't like (but can tolerate) rather than handing over a shopping list of things I want to happen. There's also the personal challenge of being able to take what the top is dishing out. So at least to some extent I can function as a service bottom, doing things/having things done to me that I don't find inherently interesting, as long as my limits are respected.

And who knows? I might be surprised to find I like something I hadn't really considered. E.g., I didn't know I would like violet wands until someone pulled one out and used it on me. I don't see why the same couldn't apply to a service top, finding that they really enjoy the specific activity the bottom asked for, even if it wasn't on their radar before.