Saikiran590 wrote:Hello,
Greetings,
Here im male(22 years) slave or submissive, want to get tied up by females(mistress), im from a country where there is no knowledge about Bondage and BDSM, here I dont have any experience but still want to do as slave or submissive in shows or any websites, can any one help me out?
Thanks in advance..
Starlight wrote:@Cellofello: I'd say it's moreso that the light bondage that is way more common in the states (like the kind of bondage you see in videos) doesn't really exist in Europe (or at the very least, is really really not very popular or common during workshops and is mostly practiced in the bedroom). The hardcore stuff (vacuum beds, latex, heavy bondage suspensions shiz, think Germany haha) exists in America too of course. The style is different, however. The gag is honestly what usually symbolizes the "american" style, usually panties or a ballgag.
Starlight wrote:@Cellofello: I'd say it's moreso that the light bondage that is way more common in the states (like the kind of bondage you see in videos) doesn't really exist in Europe (or at the very least, is really really not very popular or common during workshops and is mostly practiced in the bedroom). The hardcore stuff (vacuum beds, latex, heavy bondage suspensions shiz, think Germany haha) exists in America too of course. The style is different, however. The gag is honestly what usually symbolizes the "american" style, usually panties or a ballgag.
Since a lot of people practice Kinbaku in Europe, they mostly use a piece of rope and it's more for the aesthetics and not the purpose of gagging someone. It's more "emotional", intimate and artistic. And quite honestly, it's not my thing at all but I do enjoy watching it on the stage.
@Boundsub: Finding people is really not hard, but finding the right one is (and that goes for everyone). A lot of people are polyamorous, meaning they want to have more than 1 partner. Some people are cool with that, some aren't. Don't ever let anyone tell you what is right or wrong about that. Being gay, you need to be a bit cautious though. If you stay on kink communities, I guess it's fine as long as you go to munches.
Just don't end up on the more dating/DTF/fuck buddies kinda sites. A lot of these people tend to swarm the kink communities too; they don't realize the difference between a community and whatever they're looking for. These people are usually not really into BDSM (or have just read 50 shades), don't really respect it, or just want to tie you up and fuck you because why not. Just be catious if you feel you're around people who just want to fuck your brains out, that's all. Not to be judgmental but I've noticed a lot of gay (especially men) people are very freaking horny very freaking often.
Best of luck.
Quick story. I have a friend who is into bondage. I let him tie me up a few times - he thought of himself as dominant. He used to be the kind of guy who just went to work, came home and watched netflix. Didn't really do much, didn't really go out every Friday, collected Animes. Really nice guy. He lives in a small town and told me there are probably no events anywhere near him anyway. I told him to go to one of these communities and it didn't take long until he found out that there actually was an event he could go to. He was thrilled, and a bit nervous of course. He went to the munch, everything went well. He told me he was just being himself.
The first rope meeting he met a woman whom he clicked with. They tied each other there (he was still a rookie at shibari) and afterwards they decided to have a private meeting at her place.
Fast forwarding - he now meets her regularly and has become her sub (she's apparently rather dominant). They're doing a lot of BDSM-ish games and he has realized he really has a "girly" side which she noticed and asked him about. Now she forces him to do embarrassing stuff like wearing girly clothes while doing chores for her, that kinda stuff.
He's doing better than ever, he told me.
This all happened over about 2 months.
So yeah, people. Anything can happen - you just have to be willing to try. Life is life. Things change.
I would have never thought I'd be in a relationship with a gorgeous, amazing and intelligent girl when I was in high school and had a boyfriend.
Nor would I ever have imagined to be hogtied and gagged on her bed during our first date. Shit, time flies.
Starlight wrote:@cellofello:
Yeah, it is a bit generalizing to say either is more hardcore than the other. But the "light bondage" that a lot of bondage video producers make used to be from the states and that kinda made it easier for that scene to grow there. I mostly base my assumptions on what my friends have been telling me. I know a lot of people who are into the scene in the States and I've been in touch with some (one of the bondage producer/models being JJ Plush who does a lot of typical "american bondage").
cellofello wrote:
I like JJ Plush's videos! She tends to do a lot of mouth-stuffed tape gags, which I like - done correctly, it is the most effective way of gagging someone. And her bondage is pretty tight when she has a flexible model. How did you happen to come into contact with her, if you don't mind my asking?
I'm wondering if one of the dividing lines in videos is storyline vs. no storyline. The less hardcore videos IMO usually seem to have some sort of storyline - kidnapping, robbery, jealous girlfriend/wife vs. the other woman, etc. The more hardcore ones in my experience just go straight into the bondage and other activities, with no reason why the top is tying the bottom other than the bondage itself. That's not an absolute - some of the "gentler" videos also have no real story - but I'm thinking of sites like the one with a spider at the start of the videos. (Those are so explicit that I won't mention its name. The TUGs Videos section specifies no adult content, and we are in the non-adult TUGs Talk.)
Does that tendency hold true in European-made videos? I have not seen many of those.
Vector5227 wrote:Ok... Guess it's just a matter of putting myself out there huh..?
Vector5227 wrote:Yeah... I recently went on a site for this exclusively and I was blown away by the ratio of Dommes to make subs. I think for every Donne their must have been about 30-40 male subs... It's crazy. But yeah, I've been talking to a girl on another site and we're almost at the point of meeting in person and seeing how that goes, but, and this is just my luck, she hasn't responded in a long time... So I'm kind of stuck.
cellofello wrote:Starlight wrote:@Cellofello: I'd say it's moreso that the light bondage that is way more common in the states (like the kind of bondage you see in videos) doesn't really exist in Europe (or at the very least, is really really not very popular or common during workshops and is mostly practiced in the bedroom). The hardcore stuff (vacuum beds, latex, heavy bondage suspensions shiz, think Germany haha) exists in America too of course. The style is different, however. The gag is honestly what usually symbolizes the "american" style, usually panties or a ballgag.
Thanks for your answer.
The US is a very large country, so it's quite possible things are different in other areas of the country than my own. I've heard (though cannot confirm from personal observation) that the scene in San Francisco is as hardcore as anyone could want. There is also a difference between what I consider "the scene" (enthusiasts who belong to BDSM groups and go to munches and play parties) and people who just do it in their own bedrooms without making it a part of their social lives in the wider world. At least around me, there are lots of shibari and suspension enthusiasts in the scene. I've seen the occasional vac bed. Since those are kind of expensive and are more susceptible to damage than other toys, I've never seen a club that had one as part of its equipment - only individuals who graciously brought one to a play party to demonstrate. I will say that I've only seen a few heavy rubber enthusiasts here.
Should you ever get to this side of the ocean, feel free to hit me up for suggestions on finding the scene here so you can judge for yourself. Even if it's not in the DC area, I have contacts for other parts of the country.
BoundSub wrote:
I'd be interested in your take on finding a scene as well.
I do agree that most non scene bondage enthusiasts in the US focus on Western style bondage which leans towards the lighter side of the bondage spectrum IMO. In the BDSM scene (from my limited experience of the gay BDSM scene in NYC and now Chicago that is) I also didn't see much rubber gear, vavbeds etc... Rubber and heavy bondage actually seems more common in Europe, especially Germany and northern Europe. Even when I went to Folsom East last year. Most guys had on those harnesses which are very popular (trendy?)
Add to the fact that a large percentage of younger gay/ bi guys interested in bondage have become more and more drawn to puppy play (which unfortunately I'm not really into so I'm out of the running as a potential play partner in their mind) and trying to navigate the BDSM scene seems even that more confusing and fragmented...But hopefully I'm wrong and have a feeling most people into bondage aren't part of the "scene" for various reasons. Thankfully, I'm into all sorts of bondage but even then finding a scene for me and like minded guys has been difficult for some reason. I guess it's a matter of putting yourself out there more just like anything else.
Starlight wrote:I can tell you that most serious dommes really values intelligence over anything. Intelligence to know how to socialize, to know your limits, to understand your limits.