I think after yesterday, you know my methods a little, so I'll let you choose.
Option A
Using lots of your tights, tie you up nice and tight and then encase you from head to toe in a few layers of nylon. Then I'd finish by using some bright red tights to make a bow.
Option B
Duct tape. Lots of it. Shoulders to ankles will be covered in tightly wrapped tape. Then I'd wrap more around your mouth and head to keep you quiet. Like option A, I'd use some bright red duct tape to make decorative stripes and matching bow.
Which one do you like?