## Feeling like a freak/ Fetlife problems

Post by Baconbits69 » Fri May 30, 2014 5:41 pm

On facebook I usually go on rants about stuff such as relationship problems, problems at work, and just other stuff in general.
I've wanted to go on a rant about my problems with being into TUGs for a long time now but I don't want to post it on facebook because I have family there and not everyone knows I'm into it. So i decided to post it on here and hopefully you guys can agree with me.
Well first off, I've had relationship problems because most of the time where the other person wasn't into it. then after a while we'd break up because they were just freaked out about it.
Then I'd chat with other friends and let them know I was into this and then later on they'd make fun of me whenever they get the chance.
Sometimes I would find a friend that would be into it or is very interested. It usually ended the same where we either never get a chance to have a tie up game and/or they would get tired of me constantly bringing it up.
Then people usually say for me to try out fetlife. And I do have a fetlife but I have a lot of problems with that website. not the website itself but with the people on there.
first I like to point out that I am a heterosexual male and only interest in tie up games/talk with women. there is an oversaturation of guys on there. let's say 80% of people on there are male. that leaves 20% of the site female (not including cross-dressers) about 15% of those females are lesbian and wouldn't talk to guys anyways. that leaves about 5% of females that i can actually talk to. but there are so many guys on fetlife that they're all messaging the same girls that i am that it'll probably months before they get to my message. now some of the girls are really nice when they do write back but they're rarely on. and the rest of the girls have such a superiority complex that I was actually blocked by someone just because I said hello in a message. "I have so many guys messaging me on here. don't be coming out with some boring ass message like that. waste of my time. goodbye" like what am i suppose to expect with women that are dominant as opposed to submissive.
So anyways, what are some of the hardships you all face with being into bondage. Am I the only one who faces things like this?
I'd like to hear some of your not so positive experiences.
wait what should my signature be?

### Re: Feeling like a freak/ Fetlife problems

Post by mikeybound » Fri May 30, 2014 7:59 pm

I really find it hard to believe that there's such a saturation of men and lesbians. Maybe it's just your local are.
Sad as it is, you really do have to make an impression on these sites. That one woman was kinda a bitch about it, but it's a valid point. Be more exciting and unique than just "hello", and while they're messaging a boringly average man they'll be thinking about you.
Also, if you live near an urban center, you could check out the local fetish clubs and munches. If there aren't any then maybe you could start your own.

### Re: Feeling like a freak/ Fetlife problems

Post by NemesisPrime » Fri May 30, 2014 9:44 pm

I'm not gonna mince words here. TUGs are something you are ether into or not. Also really? Fetlife has an over saturation of gays and lesbians? You must not look hard enough cause where I live, mostly hetero guys and gals.
Also, your painting with an overly broad brush. Now alot of my friends on there are gay but only because I CHOSE those friends.
Mikey's right man, much like when going for a job you have to make yourself stand out from the rest and be noticeable.
Everyone speaks in multiple languages...But gag talk is universal and a sock in your mouth is the perfect translator!

### Re: Feeling like a freak/ Fetlife problems

Post by Sealherlips » Sat May 31, 2014 7:06 am

The problem I have with Ferlife is the women are mostly female supremacists that talk out of their ass and expect men to worship them.

### Re: Feeling like a freak/ Fetlife problems

Post by Baconbits69 » Sat May 31, 2014 7:31 am

> mikeybound wrote:I really find it hard to believe that there's such a saturation of men and lesbians. Maybe it's just your local are.
> Sad as it is, you really do have to make an impression on these sites. That one woman was kinda a bitch about it, but it's a valid point. Be more exciting and unique than just "hello", and while they're messaging a boringly average man they'll be thinking about you.
> Also, if you live near an urban center, you could check out the local fetish clubs and munches. If there aren't any then maybe you could start your own.

Yeah fetlife is like a dating site and most daring sites have an over saturation of guys.
And it wasn't just hello. I kind of exaggerated that. It was a little bit more than hello. But I had more luck meeting people on Instagram.
And also the website doesn't have my hometown listed as an option so I'm not able to find around my local area. The area around me, so many males.
The bondage club though does sound pretty cool
wait what should my signature be?

### Re: Feeling like a freak/ Fetlife problems

Post by Baconbits69 » Sat May 31, 2014 7:35 am

> NemesisPrime wrote:I'm not gonna mince words here. TUGs are something you are ether into or not. Also really? Fetlife has an over saturation of gays and lesbians? You must not look hard enough cause where I live, mostly hetero guys and gals.
> Also, your painting with an overly broad brush. Now alot of my friends on there are gay but only because I CHOSE those friends.
> Mikey's right man, much like when going for a job you have to make yourself stand out from the rest and be noticeable.

Was that atypo? I never said over saturation in gays, just guys.
But yeah with my luck the women I did find were lesbian or bi but more on the lesbian side. The heterosexual women that I do find usually were hardly on.
You must have an awesome area though.
wait what should my signature be?

### Re: Feeling like a freak/ Fetlife problems

Post by NemesisPrime » Sat May 31, 2014 9:16 am

> Baconbits69 wrote:

> > NemesisPrime wrote:I'm not gonna mince words here. TUGs are something you are ether into or not. Also really? Fetlife has an over saturation of gays and lesbians? You must not look hard enough cause where I live, mostly hetero guys and gals.
> > Also, your painting with an overly broad brush. Now alot of my friends on there are gay but only because I CHOSE those friends.
> > Mikey's right man, much like when going for a job you have to make yourself stand out from the rest and be noticeable.

> Was that atypo? I never said over saturation in gays, just guys.
> But yeah with my luck the women I did find were lesbian or bi but more on the lesbian side. The heterosexual women that I do find usually were hardly on.
> You must have an awesome area though.

Not in my case since I'm more sexually attracted to males. Tis my lot. But there are plenty around where I live but something about Fetlife you have to know, it's a dating site for fetishists and that allows people to express their inner desires and wants. Sad it may be but alot of women are still oppressed in terms of discrimination thus sometimes leading to the development of a superiority complex and wanting to be treated like a goddess. It's not for me but there are other places you can go to as well. Here is a great place as well just look in the "TUG Buddies" section.
Everyone speaks in multiple languages...But gag talk is universal and a sock in your mouth is the perfect translator!

### Re: Feeling like a freak/ Fetlife problems

Post by Reidy » Sat May 31, 2014 12:00 pm

There are plenty on Fetlife who seem a bit full of themselves I agree. The amount of girls who will post their 'Wishlists' expecting guys to pay money to buy them gift is laughable really.
However, if you stick with it, there are some genuinely nice people on there. They might not be from your area (I speak to one local girl), but there are those who will give you the time of day and be worth making conversation with.

### Re: Feeling like a freak/ Fetlife problems

Post by Chris12 » Sat May 31, 2014 12:39 pm

I always got the comforting thought that everyone's first reacting to seeing bondage is to think, even if somewhere deep down ''Well that's hot''

### Re: Feeling like a freak/ Fetlife problems

Post by cellofello » Sun Jun 01, 2014 10:04 am

> Baconbits69 wrote:[...]I do have a fetlife but I have a lot of problems with that website. not the website itself but with the people on there.
> first I like to point out that I am a heterosexual male and only interest in tie up games/talk with women. there is an oversaturation of guys on there. let's say 80% of people on there are male. that leaves 20% of the site female (not including cross-dressers) about 15% of those females are lesbian and wouldn't talk to guys anyways. that leaves about 5% of females that i can actually talk to. but there are so many guys on fetlife that they're all messaging the same girls that i am that it'll probably months before they get to my message. now some of the girls are really nice when they do write back but they're rarely on. and the rest of the girls have such a superiority complex that I was actually blocked by someone just because I said hello in a message. "I have so many guys messaging me on here. don't be coming out with some boring ass message like that. waste of my time. goodbye" like what am i suppose to expect with women that are dominant as opposed to submissive.

First, Fetlife is not primarily intended as a dating site. There are specific groups for people in search of partners, but many groups are not at all oriented towards that.
I'm afraid the woman who blocked you has a point. Think of it from her point of view. She gets loads of messages. She has a life of her own to live; she can't reasonably be expected to answer each and every one. If you contact someone, you need to show that you have something to offer them that will make it worth their while to take the time to correspond.
There are also groups on Fetlife for specific areas. If you're in the Los Angeles area, there should be many opportunities for "munches" - social meetups at restaurants that give you a chance to meet others in person. You might also consider checking out threshold.org.
If you want to find a woman who's interested in tie-up games, I'd suggest giving OK Cupid a try. While there are bondage-specific questions, I've found that I have had pretty good luck "recruiting" first-timers.

### Re: Feeling like a freak/ Fetlife problems

Post by Terry » Tue Jun 03, 2014 3:40 am

I tried using Fetlife many times hut couldn't get into it. I have deactivated and re - registered quite a few times before. I don't go there now.

### Re: Feeling like a freak/ Fetlife problems

Post by Baconbits69 » Tue Jun 03, 2014 4:42 pm

> NemesisPrime wrote:

> > Baconbits69 wrote:

> > > NemesisPrime wrote:I'm not gonna mince words here. TUGs are something you are ether into or not. Also really? Fetlife has an over saturation of gays and lesbians? You must not look hard enough cause where I live, mostly hetero guys and gals.
> > > Also, your painting with an overly broad brush. Now alot of my friends on there are gay but only because I CHOSE those friends.
> > > Mikey's right man, much like when going for a job you have to make yourself stand out from the rest and be noticeable.

> > Was that atypo? I never said over saturation in gays, just guys.
> > But yeah with my luck the women I did find were lesbian or bi but more on the lesbian side. The heterosexual women that I do find usually were hardly on.
> > You must have an awesome area though.

> Not in my case since I'm more sexually attracted to males. Tis my lot. But there are plenty around where I live but something about Fetlife you have to know, it's a dating site for fetishists and that allows people to express their inner desires and wants. Sad it may be but alot of women are still oppressed in terms of discrimination thus sometimes leading to the development of a superiority complex and wanting to be treated like a goddess. It's not for me but there are other places you can go to as well. Here is a great place as well just look in the "TUG Buddies" section.

that makes a disturbing amount of sense.... ok maybe not disturbing but you know what i mean lol
wait what should my signature be?

### Re: Feeling like a freak/ Fetlife problems

Post by Baconbits69 » Tue Jun 03, 2014 4:44 pm

> Reidy wrote:There are plenty on Fetlife who seem a bit full of themselves I agree. The amount of girls who will post their 'Wishlists' expecting guys to pay money to buy them gift is laughable really.
> However, if you stick with it, there are some genuinely nice people on there. They might not be from your area (I speak to one local girl), but there are those who will give you the time of day and be worth making conversation with.

yeah I've seen it on instagram as well. i just deleted them.
hopefully though i can have your luck and find a tie up buddy again
wait what should my signature be?

### Re: Feeling like a freak/ Fetlife problems

Post by Fesselfan » Thu Jun 05, 2014 1:45 am

The usual "I can't find someone" rant.
I can tell you from my experience...it is not that hard to find a woman or girl who is into tie ups.
Important:
1) Be honest and open about it. As you have written...if you bring it up at a later point, it's an invitation for desaster.
2) Know what you want: this is the mistake 90% of the guys make. They are indifferent and project the image that they would take any girl.
3) Go out into the reality. Go to munches, go to BDSM events...make friends with similar interests. A bit overacted: online partner search is usually crap, no matter which site. (of course, it's good for making contacts, but that's all). A lot of folks in the online sites are pretenders- guys who act as gals, gals who act as if they are beauty queens, people who have zero experience but claim to be experts....yadda yadda yadda.
4) Be brave and not timid.
Cheers
FF
There are 10 kind of people in the world.
Those who understand binary numeral system, and those who don't.

### Re: Feeling like a freak/ Fetlife problems

Post by NoMeansYes » Thu Jun 05, 2014 1:48 pm

Fesselfan is spot on really, mainly that you ought to go to some events that are organised via fetlife. There will almost certainly be one or two near you. That's much much easier than chancing your arm sending messages with unoriginal opening gambits that the recipient will have already heard. Obviously this is much easier said than done especially if you don't feel that you'd be comfortable attending such an event. I guess it depends how much you actually want to meet someone.
Women receive many many messages per day on Fetlife, as they don't have to be particularly attractive at all to receive attention, they just have to be female, and some of the guys on there are desperate to the point of pursuing anything which roughly resembles a human female. Because of this they can be very picky about who they allow into their sphere of contact. Fesselfan is right about this too - the majority of men would take literally anything, and guess what...women have that figured out. Just be honest, and up front in your profile description.
It is kind of a mine field, and in general Men are just more up front and less worried (will I get raped/murdered etc.) about meeting up with strangers from "the internet", and even discussing fetishes online, but to give up hope is a bit premature. It requires work from you though, as I'm sure you are well aware.

### Re: Feeling like a freak/ Fetlife problems

Post by Fesselfan » Thu Jun 05, 2014 9:30 pm

I don't see it that negative. Speaking from my over-a-decade in BDSM and bondage in special, I never had that big difficulties finding a girl to tie up (finding a partner to share your life is a different can of worms, but not just because of ropes... )
There are scores of girl, too, who would like a partner for bondage but dont find one. They just look for it in a different way than most men do.
As a generalisation, most guys I met who complained that they don't find someone....well, I could understand the girls who didnt take them. They (the guys) were so insecure about what they want and what not- they literally radiated insecurity. And honestly...that is hardly someone you- as girl- would love to be helpless tied up by, wouldn't you?
Cheers
FF
There are 10 kind of people in the world.
Those who understand binary numeral system, and those who don't.