## Am I too old?

Post by Torquemada » Fri Dec 17, 2010 4:27 pm

I've made a few posts on here trying to find someone to play TUGS with, but I never get any replies.
I was just wondering, as I'm in my late 30s, if it's just because I'm a bit too old. I know we have a lot of teenagers on this site, who are obviously too young for me, but I can't be the only one here around my age.
Of course, it could just be the fact that no-one is interested in me. I'll have to have a little cry in the corner if that's the case.

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by pinochio892000 » Fri Dec 17, 2010 9:04 pm

well, actually in my opinion, age is not the important thing int TUGs... We all come here cuz we have the same interest (that we wanna be captor or captive, right?)
And somehow i guess ur post is not the only one post in the finding-friend section . If so, people often randomize and choose one of a million posts and unluckily u r not their random number. Just think in simple way
Ok, hope u got ur luck in time
P.S Merry Christmas

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by Jason Toddman » Sat Dec 18, 2010 7:49 am

Don't feel too bad, Torquemada. I'm in my fifties myself and still not the oldest one here (though I gather there aren't too many older than me). So it isn't all kids.
But I gave up looking for TUGs partners years ago because of my own age and various health and trust issues I've had with the last few partners I had, and do not travel much anymore (though I was in your neck of the woods [London] in 1982 - when you would've definitely been too young!). Also, everyone seems to be looking only for people who young, really fit, and have movie star looks - and I am currently none of these. Nobody wants to meet an aging, ordinary Joe like me it seems. It's sad but it's the way things are. But at your age you should still be able to find someone. Good luck.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by anjell » Sat Dec 18, 2010 1:17 pm

Dont worry about it to much you well find some one when the time is right. Way i look at it the older the more fun it can be. I just think of the things i can learn. So age is not a factor for every one.
Let's use all the colors.
Dust 'em, Pix!
Yup! That tasted purple!

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by Jason Toddman » Sat Dec 18, 2010 10:02 pm

> anjell wrote:Dont worry about it to much you well find some one when the time is right. Way i look at it the older the more fun it can be. I just think of the things i can learn. So age is not a factor for every one.

Maybe it's time I took a trip to Newfoundland.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by viking » Sun Dec 19, 2010 12:51 am

you can never be to old for anything if you ask me.
like pinochio892000 said, there is many of those wanna meet posts, and people who are interested are just picking out random ones. i don't think that many cares about your age as long there is someone to tie up or get tied by. the trick is to find somebody who is interested and also somebody who lives not to far away.
bigger change for them to be interested in the travel if it's a short distance.
Once a scout, always a perverted pyromaniac with a fetish for knives and duct tape

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by Torquemada » Sun Dec 19, 2010 4:18 am

Thanks for all the replies. It does give me some hope. Mind you, I keep posting personal ads on every bondage site I know about (boundforum, fetlife, collarme, etc) without any luck, but maybe my dream woman is out there somewhere.
I do sometimes wonder if I'm unlucky living in the UK, it seems to me that more people are into bondage in America, but maybe that's because of the amount of people in that country.

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by pinochio892000 » Sun Dec 19, 2010 5:37 am

> I do sometimes wonder if I'm unlucky living in the UK, it seems to me that more people are into bondage in America, but maybe that's because of the amount of people in that country

That's silly, there r many bondage fan in UK and US... I always wish i were born in UK or US so i can find partners around me... U know, in some country, really hard to find a right partner to play with (such as mine )... So, mostly I play self-TUGs but this doesn't mean I've never been tied up by someone (Well, just once but I keep finding now )
Anyway, good luck to u

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by Torquemada » Sun Dec 19, 2010 7:03 am

> pinochio892000 wrote: U know, in some country, really hard to find a right partner to play with (such as mine )...

What country do you live in then? If you don't mind me asking?

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by Janbound » Sun Dec 19, 2010 7:07 am

Torq. What's this age thing. I didn't even learn about bondage and tying up games until I was in my 30s

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by Torquemada » Sun Dec 19, 2010 7:23 am

> Janbound wrote:Torq. What's this age thing. I didn't even learn about bondage and tying up games until I was in my 30s

I'm the opposite, I started when I was about 11 or 12, a girl across the street introduced me to being tied up. I just haven't managed to find someone else to play with now I'm older (I still want to be tied up, but I'd like to tie someone else up as well).
Also, with the age thing, I was mainly wondering if I was too old to find someone on this particular site, rather than in general.

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by cellofello » Sun Dec 19, 2010 5:10 pm

> Torquemada wrote:I was mainly wondering if I was too old to find someone on this particular site, rather than in general.

I don't think this site has the number of users needed to give you a good shot at finding a partner a reasonable distance away, even though you're in a large city. But frankly, unless you're looking for a professional dominatrix (which I gather you're not), I wouldn't spend much time looking on any bondage site. Women who are explicitly looking for kink partners have a lot of men to choose from. I don't think it's your age per se. It's that you need to be really exceptional in some way (and not necessarily in looks) to make yourself stand out from the competition.
I've had a very high rate of success in finding women who are interested through ordinary relationship channels. If you can find a woman (or man, for anyone reading this whose interest lies in that direction) who likes you for you, I really think it's easier to then get them interested in playing tie-up games with you than it is to find someone who is specifically looking for a bondage partner and is interested in you above and beyond all the other people they have to choose from.
Have you tried okcupid.com? There are match questions about interest in bondage. See if you can find someone who generally appeals to you, but also has a relatively high kinkiness score. But unless their profile is explicit about looking for bondage, I wouldn't focus on that first. I'm a complete person, not just a bondage person - and I think that most women looking for a relationship are looking for a complete relationship, not just a bondage relationship. You need to approach them as complete people. If you come on as if you only see them as a means to fulfill your bondage fantasies, I would say based on my observation that you're not likely to do as well even if you are young and handsome. I go for smart, witty, and playful over physically beautiful. And most of the women I know who fit that category feel the same way.
I'm 55, and still have women (even younger ones) interested in me. Admittedly, I am still in good shape and have all my hair. But I firmly believe that it's my personality, not my body, that is the decisive factor in attracting them. So don't count yourself out because of your age.

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by PetSilkenvixen » Mon Dec 20, 2010 8:07 pm

Trussed me, you're nowhere NEAR too old!
I'm older than you
And I know TUG players in ALL age groups! So don't worry
And feel free to drop me a line sometime!
Christyne

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by Jason Toddman » Mon Dec 20, 2010 9:34 pm

Oh well... as I said, I gave up looking years ago for reasons having nothing to do with my age.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by PetSilkenvixen » Tue Dec 21, 2010 7:09 am

> cellofello wrote:I'm 55, and still have women (even younger ones) interested in me.

Are you really?? And here I was thinking I was the oldest!
I'm 39, for the 11th time
And still VERY active in bondage play and roleplay!
Christyne

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by cellofello » Wed Dec 22, 2010 2:33 am

> PetSilkenvixen wrote:

> > cellofello wrote:I'm 55....

> Are you really?? And here I was thinking I was the oldest!
> I'm 39, for the 11th time

Jason Toddman has also been 39 a few more times than you, young whippersnapper. (Or maybe you're the whippersnappee.)

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by Jason Toddman » Wed Dec 22, 2010 6:54 am

> cellofello wrote:

> > PetSilkenvixen wrote:

> > > cellofello wrote:I'm 55....

> > Jason Toddman has also been 39 a few more times than you, young whippersnapper. (Or maybe you're the whippersnappee.)

Just one time fewer than yourself, apparently. But there are a couple of others older than *you* are too; but I'll forbear to name names.
It's good you can find TUGs at your (our) age. Though I am not quite as in shape as you probably are and definitely do NOT have all my hair, I could probably find TUGs partners if I really tried. But my (extremely) poor social skills and certain other factors (that hopefully do not apply to Torq or most other people here) make that highly improbable for me, and in any case trying to recreate the kinds of experiences I had as a teenager would be impossible and therefore unsatisfying to me personally.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by MissTieMeUp » Mon Feb 28, 2011 5:26 pm

> cellofello wrote:

> > Torquemada wrote:. I'm a complete person, not just a bondage person - and I think that most women looking for a relationship are looking for a complete relationship, not just a bondage relationship. You need to approach them as complete people. If you come on as if you only see them as a means to fulfill your bondage fantasies, I would say based on my observation that you're not likely to do as well even if you are young and handsome. I go for smart, witty, and playful over physically beautiful. And most of the women I know who fit that category feel the same way.

I totally agree with this statement so not sure if this is still relevant but since I am new to this site thought I would add my comments. As a female sub tugette I would like to find the complete package including someone who wants to tie me up on a regular basis. But I also want to do other things with my partner so as to enjoy all that life has to offer. As I near 40 I realize it's hard to find someone who you are compatible with in other areas. Glad to hear that not all men go for physical beauty. I find that a lot of guys I have even mentioned TUG's to in a casual sense seem to want the big boobs and long hair, fake porn star wanna be. I have and am neither, I am in great shape and would consider myself (at least I hope my stories show that as they are my personal fantasies down in writing) a lot of fun, def 'playful', love to dress and act sexy (yes I am confident in me) but am also a working proefssional with varied interests and would hope that all would work in my favor. Oh and I love shoes!! haha but I know and am sure a lot would agree with this, that to be a willing captive as I truly enjoy you really have to have that trust factor and that does take some time to build, and yes I do agree that while there has to be some initial attraction for a parnter, for me a common love of TUG's, trust, kindness and loyalty are what I look for (the rest is too personal to put down) so hope your search was fruitful!
Last edited by MissTieMeUp on Tue Mar 01, 2011 6:21 am, edited 1 time in total.
Rainbow rope & a white cleeve gag are my BFF's

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by Fesselfan » Tue Mar 01, 2011 12:33 am

Well, I'm i my mid-30ties, too.
So you are not alone
Just one tip from me about finding partners (for TUGs as well for the rest of the life)...forget about searching them online.
Online, you (usually) find 90% fakes and wannabes. Go out, in the reality...and stand to your dreams.
If you date a nice lady- tell her about your likes. If she doesn't like it- no loss...there are hundreds more women outside there.
Just take the courage and don't hide, that's the most important thing.
Nowadays, I don't seek bondage partners anymore...after all, I am married now to my main bondage sub And I have a couple of more I regulary play with.
But back when I was single, I didn't have big problems at all in finding partners for the ropes. You really just need to muster the courage to do it. No girl/woman will find you if you hide yourself.
Cheers
FF
There are 10 kind of people in the world.
Those who understand binary numeral system, and those who don't.

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by markusthe1st » Tue Mar 01, 2011 2:03 pm

You're definitely not too old, not by a longshot! I once knew a grandmother in her 70s that liked to get tied up. No, I never lashed her, but it was the strangest conversation I ever had in the checkout at a grocery store! I mean, how strange is that?
Finding someone that enjoys TUGs is not an easy thing to do. Doing so online complicates things greatly, but is often the best place to start - it has worked for me more often than trying to find someone in person. I used to frequent alt.net, and have met couples that were interested in playing/sharing TUGs-type (mostly related to BDSM roleplay, and power exchanges) scenarios. The thing about online vs. in-person is that online it's WAY easier to get your desires out in the open upfront. In-person, it could take a while before you find out a potential TUGs-mate thinks you're "wierd" or "sick" for bringing it up. And if you're falling for them already, well that just plain sucks! You want someone to like you for you - but if having a partner to share TUGs with is an important part of you, then it has to be identified upfront.
The problem is that there are a LOT of flakes online. I'm in my forties, take really good care of myself, working out regularly. I'm not a movie star by any stretch, but I'm not Quasimodo either - more like somewhere in between. I'm a professional and expect others to at least have some level of civility. I always insist on sharing photos upfront (to see if there's at least an initial attraction), and am not into S&M or anything heavy. Even with being upfront and honest about myself and what I expect/want/desire, you'd be amazed at how many people still lie with old or just blatantly false pics.
The real "trick', if there is one, is to be yourself - honest and upfront, and find someone who likes you. The person that cares for you will also try to please you - even if it means getting tied and teased every once in a while. The whole shebang!
What I'm trying to say, is don't give up. The right person is out there (for everyone) - and good luck!
Walk the mile first... then have the fun!

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by cellofello » Wed Mar 02, 2011 4:48 am

> MissTieUup wrote:Glad to hear that not all men go for physical beauty. [...] I am athletic but would consider myself (at least I hope my stories show that as they are my personal fantasies down in writing) a lot of fun, def 'playful', love to dress and act sexy (yes I am confident in me) [...]

I won't deny that physical attractiveness will help catch my initial attention faster, but ultimately (as Dorothy Parker put it), "Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes to the bone." Believing you are attractive really does help other people to see you as attractive. People with self-confidence have a very different body language than those who lack it, and body language absolutely affects how other people respond.
A very dear friend of mine (as well as occasional tie-up partner) is just a few years younger than my 55, almost certainly north of 400 pounds (though that's on a 6'3" frame), and has a face that, if you saw it in a photograph, most people would consider ugly. But she is witty, playful, and carries herself with the attitude, "I'm a sexy woman. If you can't see it, that's your loss, not mine." She is also the person who made me understand the expression "generous to a fault." (She's married, though her husband doesn't mind her playing with me, lives some distance away, and unfortunately has some health problems, or we'd play more frequently.) Any guy who can't get past her outward appearance is missing out on one of the most beautiful (where it counts) people in the known universe. Their loss indeed!
I have no idea if you're in my area, and even if you were, my dance card is pretty full. But from what little I've seen, if I were in the market I'd definitely be interested in talking. So good luck to you in finding a guy who can give you what you want both in and out of the dungeon.

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by MissTieMeUp » Wed Mar 02, 2011 7:32 am

> cellofello wrote:I have no idea if you're in my area, and even if you were, my dance card is pretty full. But from what little I've seen, if I were in the market I'd definitely be interested in talking. So good luck to you in finding a guy who can give you what you want both in and out of the dungeon.

Well I am not anywhere near your area but thanks for the good luck wishes, I might need them.
Rainbow rope & a white cleeve gag are my BFF's

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by chloroformmeplease » Thu Mar 03, 2011 2:21 pm

I have seen so many UK based websites about bondage that I find it hard to believe that you cannot find anyone. Most of the sites and forums I have seen the majority of the people on them were from the UK.
I would love to visit the UK for just such a thing. I think the English are less in hibited then Americans when it comes to bondage. I just feel that when it comes to fetish they feel more free about it.
In any case it is just my opinion as I have never actually been to the UK but someday I plan on a visit.
Treat others as you wish to be treated. Having said that I will not sit idly by while someone is disrespecting another just because they think they are better than everyone else.

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by Rope_guy » Thu May 12, 2011 1:41 pm

I am in my late 40s myself, and I sometimes wonder if people who do not outgrow their fascination with bondage by a certain age are perverted in their thoughts. I still like what I call the damsel-in-distress type bondage, seeing a pretty girl tied up awaiting rescue, light rope bondage done for romantic reasons or as foreplay, and bondage done strictly for fun, which this site is mostly supposed to be about. I have never liked BDSM or the hardcore stuff. I haven't had an opportunity to tie up a partner or friend in a long time, but such thoughts keep coming to me from time to time. I guess you can never really outgrow this kind of thing.

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by MissTieMeUp » Thu May 12, 2011 7:21 pm

> Rope_guy wrote:I am in my late 40s myself, and I sometimes wonder if people who do not outgrow their fascination with bondage by a certain age are perverted in their thoughts. I still like what I call the damsel-in-distress type bondage, seeing a pretty girl tied up awaiting rescue, light rope bondage done for romantic reasons or as foreplay, and bondage done strictly for fun, which this site is mostly supposed to be about. I have never liked BDSM or the hardcore stuff. I haven't had an opportunity to tie up a partner or friend in a long time, but such thoughts keep coming to me from time to time. I guess you can never really outgrow this kind of thing.

eeks perverted? I think fun, TUG fantasy's are healthy and keep things fun and anything but safe and boring. I personaly would hate to be saddled with a 'vanilla' man for the rest of my life and would love the person that I am with to always have TUG's on their mind in an intimate playful setting (or even better a sneak attack at times) just like I have (except of course I'll always be the DID ) and up for anything. I have never outgrown my love of bondage and really hope I never do.
LONG LIVE TUG's
Rainbow rope & a white cleeve gag are my BFF's

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by NickyGirl » Sat May 14, 2011 3:05 pm

Nope! I don't think you can ever be too old!
I take TUGS drawing requests -- just PM me or ask on any picture thread I post.

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by sarwrductan » Thu May 19, 2011 11:18 am

Laughing out loud ...well alriiiiiight people!... That's what I like to hear!....heh-heh-heh-heh...What spunk!...What spirit!....I'm 56 and still experiment with self-ties when ever art heritis will allow me. laughing still
Those who walk forward always looking back, don't see that which makes them stumble

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by PetSilkenvixen » Fri Nov 25, 2011 3:52 pm

Know when you're too old to play TUGs? When you're dead!
Christyne

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by RopeGirlUSA » Mon Jan 16, 2012 4:03 pm

i dont know if there is a "too old". if you enjoy it, you enjoy it! it isnt an age thing. of course, the age of the partner is important, relative to yours

### Re: Am I too old?

Post by truly_trussed » Mon Jan 16, 2012 4:37 pm

If we oldtimers do participate in TUGs we may feel like we're teenagers again. It's all in the mind.