Bondage Jokes

Postby skybird137 » Tue Feb 18, 2014 10:26 am

Rather than having bondage jokes posted in individual topics, it would be best if they were kept to one list. Hopefully this one.

This is the first:

The organisers of the Olympic games decided not to add Bondage to the event when they were told that every competition would end in a tie...

Re: Bondage Jokes

Postby ebascoray » Tue Feb 18, 2014 5:51 pm

Oh, nice one, Skybird...nice one...

Re: Bondage Jokes

Postby LordNelson » Tue Feb 18, 2014 6:39 pm

The commentator for the Olympic ice hockey was driving me crazy. Every time the player with the puck couldn't get past the other team he would say "she's all tied up". I had my hopes up but never saw a single instance of bondage on the ice.

Re: Bondage Jokes

Postby OldTUGger » Tue Feb 18, 2014 7:36 pm

What did the palindrome expert say after he saw "East of Eden?"

"Egad, no bondage."

Re: Bondage Jokes

Postby skybird137 » Fri Feb 28, 2014 12:05 am

How can you tell if a submissive has a good sense of humour?

Because they always love a good gag...

Re: Bondage Jokes

Postby Soul_Rebel » Sat Mar 01, 2014 5:56 am

A husband comes home to his wife tied up with zip ties and gagged. Alarmed by the situation, he quickly moves in to pull the cloth out of her mouth. When he does, she looks at him and says casuallu, "oh, don't worry honey, it was only a gag!"
Whips and chains may break my bones, but ropes and gags excite me!

The image in my avatar is the work of Vonnart

"Duct tape makes you smart." - Michael Weston

Re: Bondage Jokes

Postby petraspeds » Wed Mar 05, 2014 2:56 pm

The world escapology contest ended in a tie.

well that was a truly awful gag wasn't it.

Re: Bondage Jokes

Postby LordNelson » Wed Mar 05, 2014 5:58 pm

I came home the other day and my wife said 'Tie me up and gag me and you can do anything you want.'

So I tied her and gagged her and went out for a round of golf and a few drinks with the boys.

I should get out of the hospital next week.

Re: Bondage Jokes

Postby petraspeds » Thu Mar 06, 2014 8:43 am

We fancied a kinky night so me and my husband tied each other up tight. Then we didn't do anything as we tried to get out.

Re: Bondage Jokes

Postby Soul_Rebel » Thu Mar 06, 2014 1:51 pm

petraped wrote:We fancied a kinky night so me and my husband tied each other up tight. Then we didn't do anything as we tried to get out.


That reminds me of this cute picture;
Image

"Lucy lost a lot of weight this past season, hasn't she? Did she exercise?"

"No, she just tapes her mouth shut between meals. Notice that new scarf she always wears at work?"

Image
Whips and chains may break my bones, but ropes and gags excite me!

The image in my avatar is the work of Vonnart

"Duct tape makes you smart." - Michael Weston

Re: Bondage Jokes

Postby petraspeds » Fri Mar 07, 2014 5:51 am

Love the cartoon

Re: Bondage Jokes

Postby petraspeds » Mon Mar 10, 2014 7:38 am

I think I'm dyslexic I found myself trying to order handcuffs, nipple clamps and a ball gag from the Marks and Spencer website.

Re: Bondage Jokes

Postby skybird137 » Sun Apr 27, 2014 12:09 am

The problem with writing a good bondage story is that you first have to work out the kinks...
Calling Fifty Shades of Grey a Bondage Story is like calling Titanic an Iceberg Movie...

http://skybird137.deviantart.com

Re: Bondage Jokes

Postby skybird137 » Tue May 20, 2014 6:18 am

Why are navy personnel so good at knots?

Because they have a lot of military subs...

Re: Bondage Jokes

Postby skybird137 » Mon Jun 30, 2014 8:15 am

The Polish waterbondage team were disqualified when the referee spotted them sneaking on a sub...

Re: Bondage Jokes

Postby Soul_Rebel » Sat Jan 03, 2015 8:37 am

She said, "gag me with a spoon." I told her I thought a napkin would work better.
Whips and chains may break my bones, but ropes and gags excite me!

The image in my avatar is the work of Vonnart

"Duct tape makes you smart." - Michael Weston

Re: Bondage Jokes

Postby tony2 » Sat Jan 03, 2015 11:29 am

OwwwOh ---- Keep going guys -- your score is all tied up!

Actually, hats off to you all. The Pun is actually the hardest form of humor to create, and you all are doing fine!
If you believe in yourself enough -
nobody else will figure out you're faking it.


ANTS viewtopic.php?f=85&t=22496
Talk is cheap viewtopic.php?f=78&t=21971

Re: Bondage Jokes

Postby PetSilkenvixen » Sun Jan 04, 2015 2:06 pm

A guy came home from work and went to the bedroom. When he went in, he saw his wife laying on the bed, her hands and feet tied to the corners, tape over her mouth. Smiling, he took off his tie, got undressed, laid down beside her . . .

He slowly took off her gag to kiss her, and she said, "You idiot, we've been robbed."
Christyne