Postby Fesselfan » Fri Jun 13, 2008 4:07 am
You asked my opinion...
first, your story mixes violence and killings and tie-ups in a way I don't like, and in my opinion doesn't belong here, either.
second, it is extremly poorly written, up to a point where it is hardly identifiable what you want to say at all. It's even worse than your last stories in that regard. There are tips on this forum for storytellers- you should take a look at them.
third, the parts identifiable read like a childs wanna-be-bad-rapper wet pretender dreams....and I frankly can't care less about that.
A bit harsh my critic? Maybe yes, but you asked. It's a very weak story to me, better improve next time.
Cheers
FF
There are 10 kind of people in the world.
Those who understand binary numeral system, and those who don't.