Jason Toddman wrote:drawscore wrote:[A]ttempting to meet someone thru the Internet is only for the truly desperate AND totally hopeless[.]
I do agree there's not a large chance of success for a heterosexual man in posting a bondage-related personals ad for a woman, or responding to one by a woman. There is a lot of competition, and you have to have something that really makes you stand out over the other guys.
However, general dating sites like OK Cupid are another thing. There are quality people on those sites, not just the desperate and hopeless. My advice has always been to find a person you would like to have a relationship with first, and then see if TUGs can be a part of that. It's worked quite well for me.
I have been with a woman for 13 years now who first saw me in a completely vanilla setting. She was attracted to me, but didn't do anything at the time. A few years later she saw a post I made on a BDSM-related mailing list that made her realize that I was the same person she had seen and liked before. She sent me a note asking if I'd like to meet. While the Internet was how we first arranged a meeting, it was not how we first met. Her email wouldn't have happened if she had not first met me in a conventional social setting and been attracted.
If you are in a reasonably large metropolitan area, you can probably find "munches" - gatherings in a restaurant to meet with like-minded people.
http://www.fetlife.com has groups all over the country where people arrange such meetings. There's no guarantee that you'll meet the TUG partner of your dreams there, but it does give you a chance to meet potential partners in a safe public setting where you can get to know each other as people first. When the mutual attraction and interest is established,
then you can start talking about who is going to tie whom.
Many large cities have social and educational clubs - Eulenspiegel in New York, The Black Rose in DC, Threshold in LA, Society of Janus in SF, BESS in Baltimore, just to name a few. (A very large resource list can be found at
http://www.angelfire.com/ms2/BDSMINFOPAGES/Chapter10.html.) If you live in such a city, going to meetings is a great way to meet and get to know like-minded people in a safe setting.