Submissive Guys

Postby dreadnaught3200 » Sun Jan 23, 2011 1:26 am

Hey Everybody I have a question to pose.

I would describe myself as a submissive guy, when it comes to TUGS what I really want is to be tied up by a woman. Which as far as I can tell is a huge psychological oddity, given that men naturally tend to be more domineering/aggressive than women. But that's another issue in and of itself.

A little while ago I was doing some reading about a mid-century Composer/Musician named Percy Grainger, who became infamous for his involvement in BDSM. (He was seriously hardcore, he had a room in his house that was covered with mirrors on every wall and on the ceiling so he could watch his wife whipping him from every angle)

Now I know that most people here (If not all) aren't that heavily involved in S&M. In fact I've noticed that people on this board tend to distance themselves from it. However it seems to me that bondage, as we practice it, can either be an element in a situation that's purely sexual... Or it's a mild form of S&M power exchange. And I would certainly put myself in the latter category as I really have no interest (At least at this point) for a bondage situation to lead to sex. So if we accept this, all the research that's been done on S&M becomes somewhat applicable to us.

Now this got me thinking: Percy Grainger spent his childhood years very much under the thumb of his very domineering mother. He later developed a severe need for submission to a woman. And every case of submissive guy's I've read about, all of them have been somewhat "Dominated" by a female figure in their life. Even in my own case, I grew up with a very loving, but very strong willed mother. More importantly, I've always been somewhat "Dominated" by my two older sisters.

So here's my question to the submissive men here: Do you have a strong female figure in your life that you would say you have been "Dominated" by in the past.
To Everyone Else: Do you know of any guys or women that are like this? Do you agree, do you disagree?



Oh and I'm asking this in the context of men who want to be dominated by women. Not that I mean to exclude you guys who prefer to be tied by other guys. But I don't know if your bondage leanings develop the same way.
There's a permanent tension in music isn't there? On one hand you have three chords, you know, four four and three chords. Then there's the people like me, who say "Well, why don't we add a fourth chord and put it in five four?" - Bill Bruford

Re: Submissive Guys

Postby sarobah » Sun Jan 23, 2011 10:50 pm

I will leave your main question to the guys, but I do find these two statements you make an interesting conjunction/juxtaposition:
dreadnaught3200 wrote:Which as far as I can tell is a huge psychological oddity, given that men naturally tend to be more domineering/aggressive than women... And every case of submissive guys I’ve read about, all of them have been somewhat “dominated” by a female figure in their life.

I agree with you here, but it may go some way towards an explanation. Females in general tend to be more passive/submissive than males, although how much is due to nature and how much to nurture (i.e. social and cultural conditioning) is a matter of major debate. Dominance, on the other hand, seems to be very much a masculine trait, again probably due to both nature and nurture. So in your situation (and I guess with many submissive guys) the “roles” have been reversed. That to me is strong evidence that social/cultural programming is stronger than whatever traits are “hardwired” into our brains or our DNA.
I know I’m stating the obvious, but I just think it’s interesting.
It’s also interesting that in my family the females are very assertive and independent, but my brother (three years my junior) has a very dominant personality. For that I credit/blame the TUGs he and I used to play together.

dreadnaught3200 wrote:In fact I’ve noticed that people on this board tend to distance themselves from it [i.e. S & M].

My suspicion is that this has more to do with the “standing orders” of the group (no hard-core bondage, torture, etc.) than the inclinations of the membership :o)

~ Sarah
Words, like Nature, half reveal and half conceal the soul within.

Re: Submissive Guys

Postby dreadnaught3200 » Sun Jan 23, 2011 11:42 pm

Finally! Input!

To be perfectly honest I'm not sure how much I agree with you as far as how much "Nature" and "Nurture" define our dominant/submissive traits. It seems to me that the traditional model of passive female and defensive/confrontational male stems from a sort of animalistic, instinctive family model. But I suppose this board isn't really the best place to talk about it.

Though I do of course agree with you that our social/cultural programming is a huge factor in defining our personalities. Though as far as guy's go, having a submissive personality does not necessarily go hand in hand with being submissive sexually. In fact, it's quite the opposite. When I described myself as a submissive guy, I meant that entirely in the context of bondage. I'm certainly not the most aggressive man in the world, but I would not describe myself as a pushover. Which is true of most "submissive" guys I think. I was browsing Youtube a few weeks ago and I came across this (Slightly ridiculous) video in which a dominatrix kidnaps a guy (and ends up murdering him if I remember correctly). It was kind of stupid, but the dominatrix character made an interesting statement. She described that her clientele were "Judges, cops, CEOs... Powerful men." and that "... what they craved was the feeling that someone else was in control and they were released from it". I think that sums up the situation perfectly.

Concerning bondage, I have a theory that these inclinations (And I don't mean this to be derogatory) are a deviation from the standard sexual model that occurs at some point during adolescence. What I'm trying to figure out is the conditions that causes this to occur. And I think your totally right that our socio/cultural background has a role to play.

sarobah wrote:My suspicion is that this has more to do with the “standing orders” of the group (no hard-core bondage, torture, etc.) than the inclinations of the membership :o)


Hmmmm, I got the opposite impression. But I could be wrong about that. Impressions are commonly incorrect. Anyway, thanks for your input.
There's a permanent tension in music isn't there? On one hand you have three chords, you know, four four and three chords. Then there's the people like me, who say "Well, why don't we add a fourth chord and put it in five four?" - Bill Bruford

Re: Submissive Guys

Postby sarobah » Mon Jan 24, 2011 3:27 am

To be perfectly honest I'm not sure how much I agree with you as far as how much "Nature" and "Nurture" define our dominant/submissive traits... But I suppose this board isn't really the best place to talk about it.

Oh, I don’t know, I think it’s a fascinating topic... although I am no expert. There’s no doubt that both nature and nurture play a role; it’s the relative contribution of each that I think is the mystery.

Though as far as guys go, having a submissive personality does not necessarily go hand in hand with being submissive sexually. In fact, it's quite the opposite. When I described myself as a submissive guy, I meant that entirely in the context of bondage. I'm certainly not the most aggressive man in the world, but I would not describe myself as a pushover.

I’m not quite sure what you mean (although this may be due to my being both sleep and caffeine deprived at the moment) when you say it’s just the opposite. I take it you’re referring to what the dominatrix explained, and that I can totally agree with.
Now I am not really qualified to respond to your main point since I can only address this from a female point of view, and from my specific perspective. Nevertheless, my situation is actually rather similar to yours. I am very assertive/aggressive in my professional and social life – I wouldn’t say dominant or domineering, but only because I’m often dealing with others of the same type. I am, however, extremely submissive in my personal relationships. However, I don’t believe it’s the “craving for release” that motivates me, and maybe that’s where men and women are different. I feel more natural (more “feminine”) in my submissive private state and somewhat alien (more “masculine”) in my assertive public persona.

Concerning bondage, I have a theory that these inclinations (And I don't mean this to be derogatory) are a deviation from the standard sexual model that occurs at some point during adolescence.

It’s funny, I used that same word (“deviation”) in the original draft of my post, with a footnote: “And deviation is employed in the strictly statistical sense.”

What I'm trying to figure out is the conditions that causes this to occur.

In my case, my personal upbringing conditioned me to be strong and independent, which is true (mostly) for both male and females in modern society. Submissiveness is therefore no longer the accepted norm for either sex. So yes, something causes some of us to deviate from that norm.
Interestingly, though, I’ve read that in the bondage lifestyle submissive males outnumber submissive females, whereas in “mainstream” culture it’s the opposite. That’s why I believe that for submissive men it’s nurture overcoming nature and for submissive females it’s vice versa. I’m certainly not saying that the bondage lifestyle is “unnatural”, just that it is not the norm.

Actually, I don’t think I’ve made things clearer, so I shall leave it at that.

~ Sarah
Words, like Nature, half reveal and half conceal the soul within.

Re: Submissive Guys

Postby cellofello » Tue Jan 25, 2011 1:25 am

Even among men, there are more submissives than dominants.

Some people appear to compensate - i.e., their public personality is one way, while their bedroom persona is opposite. That applies in both directions. Twenty years ago I had a very intense relationship with a dominant woman. She was not at all dominant in her professional life. However, there are also many people who are always submissive or always dominant. Also, when I say "appear to compensate," that's because I don't think that's necessarily the reason they are doing it. I prefer the "bottom" role in the bedroom, while in my professional life I am a more dominant personality. But I don't feel that I'm compensating for anything. I enjoy the physical sensation of being bound - it's like being tightly hugged. I also like the psychological role play of being a prisoner. When I use the term "bottom," BTW, I'm drawing a distinction between full submission - where I would be obeying without any physical restraints, only from a desire to serve/please - and "bottoming," where the primary focus is on the physical activity of bondage, spanking, etc., not the psychological interplay. The latter is my usual style. My relationship with the woman mentioned above was unusual (for me, that is) in that I was truly submissive to her.

As far as this occurring during adolescence, that's not always true. I have been into this since early childhood, and the feelings were definitely sexual (although I had no idea at the time what it was called). I know a fair number of other people who got an early start. I also have absolutely no memory of anyone doing anything to me that would have started me down this path. As far as I can tell, I was just wired this way.

Re: Submissive Guys

Postby Jason Toddman » Thu Jan 27, 2011 11:06 pm

dreadnaught3200 wrote:Now I know that most people here (If not all) aren't that heavily involved in S&M. In fact I've noticed that people on this board tend to distance themselves from it. .


Hmmm...,. you must have developed some selective reading habits if you can assert this and expect to be taken seriously. You certainly must not have read much of MY stories, nor stuff from Snobound, Chloroformmeplease, Jack Smith, and a few others. I definitely don't distance myself from S&M; I embrace it! Granted most of my stories are M/M, and yes I had a VERY strong-willed girlfriend when I was in high school, but I was passive long before that because I had an older brother who simply liked to tie me up and later on lived with two older cousins who liked doing that AND sitting on me too! The fact that I was around dominant peope didn't cause though; more likely I simply stayed around such people to get what I wanted... tied up!
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

Re: Submissive Guys

Postby dreadnaught3200 » Fri Jan 28, 2011 1:23 pm

Whoa! Hey!

Call it selective if you like, but as I said that's the overriding impression I've gotten from the majority of stories that I've read on this site. Nowhere did I say that this was a hard and fast rule. Yours and Chloro's and all the rest I would consider the exception rather than the rule. And that's totally fine. I like those stories! I don't really consider myself into S&M as my interests don't really go further than bondage, but hey each to his own. I think the whole point of a site like this is to help each other embrace their inner quirk!

Oh one more thing, I've noticed that most of your stories be they fiction or not (From what I've seen... Which isn't everything cause I unfortunately haven't had a lot of time to spend on the board over the last while. Which is very sad) are primarily M/M oriented. If you had a choice for a TUG would you prefer to be tied by another guy or a woman or both?
There's a permanent tension in music isn't there? On one hand you have three chords, you know, four four and three chords. Then there's the people like me, who say "Well, why don't we add a fourth chord and put it in five four?" - Bill Bruford

Re: Submissive Guys

Postby Jason Toddman » Fri Jan 28, 2011 1:38 pm

dreadnaught3200 wrote:Whoa! Hey!


I was only joking DD; don't take things like that too seriously when it's me saying it. But the way you worded your post excluded *any* possibility of exceptions, and that was just my way of pointing out that there *are* some. :D It wasn't an attempt to bust your chops or anything.

As for TUGs, granted most I've experienced personally were M/M (particularly in adolescence; not quite as overwhelmingly in adulthood) but in actuality I have no gender preference. Whether we're talking pure Tugs or not, I'm about as 'bi' as you can get. Nor do I feel any real need for a sexual component; whenever there were any, it was ALWAYS the other person's idea. ALWAYS; I never asked for it - just simply went along with it when it was offered - or in some cases insisted on (not forced however). I was as happy without as with; sometimes happier. For me it's the TUGs (and the comraderie) that is important. Sex is very definitely a secondary matter for me; and always was once the novelty wore off.
So, especially now, I'd be so happy just having a TUG at all that I couldn't care less what my TUG partner's gender was, as long as they enjoyed TUGs too and we enjoyed each other's company (especially if I was the one tied up of course but even in that I am flexible).
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

Re: Submissive Guys

Postby dreadnaught3200 » Fri Jan 28, 2011 10:29 pm

Sorry Jason, you did sound pretty chop busting. But you're right I worded that wrong. Oh well, moving on!

Now I'm curious about these strong-willed girlfriends of yours. Did you have any TUGS with them (I'm sorry if you've written about them here but I haven't read that) Did you have any TUGS with them? More importantly, if you did, did you enjoy them as much as you did with your older brother or cousins? Sorry, I'm picking your brain now. Hope you don't mind.
There's a permanent tension in music isn't there? On one hand you have three chords, you know, four four and three chords. Then there's the people like me, who say "Well, why don't we add a fourth chord and put it in five four?" - Bill Bruford

Re: Submissive Guys

Postby Jason Toddman » Sat Jan 29, 2011 8:32 am

dreadnaught3200 wrote:Sorry Jason, you did sound pretty chop busting. But you're right I worded that wrong. Oh well, moving on!

Now I'm curious about these strong-willed girlfriends of yours. Did you have any TUGS with them (I'm sorry if you've written about them here but I haven't read that) Did you have any TUGS with them? More importantly, if you did, did you enjoy them as much as you did with your older brother or cousins? Sorry, I'm picking your brain now. Hope you don't mind.


I don't mind as long as you forgive the unintended chop busting.
Only had one girlfriend who was strong-willed and into TUGs; my first, who I have written stories about. Later female partners were not girlfriends per se; there were no intimte/romantic relationships with them like there were with Julia (my gf in 9th and 10th grade); they were simply people I played TUGs with. Later girlfriends on the other hand were not into TUGs.
Julia and I though had intimacy and TUGs together; the only female in my experience for which this was true (unlike the number of male Tug partners, but this was more random chance than design). The fact that she was two year older than me and was black (I am white) made no difference to me. I value persons as persons and never disliked anyone based on factors of age, race, gender, religious beliefs, etc. She was one of the mercurial types who could get mad easily and then become loving quick as easily (which made being tied by her and at her merc very interesting indeed), and is probably the only woman I ever knew I would have married had I had the chance, but I was of course still too young to think of such things when she moved on to college and formed a new relationship - with another woman. We remained friends though but were not intimate after that.
Yes I enjoyed my TUGs with Julia very much; especially since she and I could do things together I couldn't do with my cousins and male friends. I enjoyed TUGs with other woman as well despite the lack of a sexual component (all other inimate relationships were without TUGs), as I enjoyed TUGs as much as sex (and more than sex with most people). Each person was fun in the own way. Some wanted sex; others did not. I was fine with it either way; I never once asked for sex anyway - just TUGs. That's just the way I am.
I could take sex or leave it, and I don't really miss it much at all - but I damn well DO miss having my TUGs!!!
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

Re: Submissive Guys

Postby dreadnaught3200 » Sun Jan 30, 2011 2:18 am

Oh yes, it is forgiven. Nothing is rotten in the state of Denmark.

I find it interesting that you find the sexual component of bondage interchangeable, and by the sounds of it totally unnecessary. Quite different than the answer you'd get from most people I'd expect. Not that that's a bad thing. Just interesting. Oh well, if it makes you feel any better I don't have a TUG partner at this juncture either. As a matter of fact I never have. So I'm right there with ya. Let's hope that'll change for both of us.
There's a permanent tension in music isn't there? On one hand you have three chords, you know, four four and three chords. Then there's the people like me, who say "Well, why don't we add a fourth chord and put it in five four?" - Bill Bruford

Re: Submissive Guys

Postby Jason Toddman » Sun Jan 30, 2011 8:31 am

dreadnaught3200 wrote:I find it interesting that you find the sexual component of bondage interchangeable, and by the sounds of it totally unnecessary.


Quite true. But I wasn't unusual in this respect; my cousins and friends seemed to be the same way. Only a fraction of our TUGs overall involved any intimacy, though I see where anyone reading my stories mght get a completely different interpretation. Also, unlike most people on this board, they were perfctly happy after a while to let me be the recipient of most (though not all) of the tie-ups rather than take turns being tied themselves - though I think this was more because of self-doubts of the masculine image they were presenting to one another more than from any real loss of a enjoyment of being tied up. After all, being tied up and tormented just wasn't "macho"; a concept I openly never cared about. Perhaps this had an unintended effect on their perceptions about being tied themselves. Thanks to Julia's penchant for occasioally putting me in dresses, I guess I wasn't considered as masculine to the others as I considered myself to be. Also, as we got older, intimacy levels (at least between them and myself) fell off rapidly for the most part with a couple of exceptions.
Of course, I am only guessing 35-40 years after the fact, as none of this even remotely occurred to me at the time. I was essentially an uke with about twenty semes, and I couldn't have been happier. Whatever they wanted to do (whether intimate or not) was always fine with me. Well, almost always - there *were* occasional exceptions. It simply never occured to me then just how unusual that situation was; now I'd be happy as a clam with just one seme - but haven't had one in many years now and likely never will again. *sigh!*
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

Re: Submissive Guys

Postby dreadnaught3200 » Sun Jan 30, 2011 8:58 pm

Oh boy, you're opening up a whole new can of worms by bringing "masculinity" into the picture. Which is interesting because I've never really thought of it that way before. I guess it just adds another element to the interplay and power exchange that go on in a bondage scenario. Or at least in a scenario where a man is tied by a woman. Now I do consider myself quite masculine, not in a macho way, but in an sort of old school breadwinner kind of way. Not that I have anything against feminism (I've grown up in a house with two older sisters who were feminists and my mom who was almost political on the subject. I definitely consider myself a male feminist.) That being said, I've been brought up with the mindset that it's a guy's job to take care of the woman he loves and in general take responsibility for people under my care. You could call it Chivalry if you like. Hence the self-imposed sense of responsibility for people that I've heard talked about on this board, and which I certainly share. I tend to get along best with girls who mostly get along with guys. And the vast majority of them regularly call me their big brother. So part of the experience of bondage and all the various psychological tricks that go into it, would be in a sense letting someone else take care of me for a change. In a sense, abandoning my masculinity... I don't know, I'm thinking out loud right now. And nor does this theory take into account guys who like being tied by guys. Hmmm. Oh well, I think that's it for this intellectual doodling.
There's a permanent tension in music isn't there? On one hand you have three chords, you know, four four and three chords. Then there's the people like me, who say "Well, why don't we add a fourth chord and put it in five four?" - Bill Bruford

Re: Submissive Guys

Postby Jason Toddman » Sun Jan 30, 2011 9:57 pm

[quote="dreadnaught3200"] So part of the experience of bondage and all the various psychological tricks that go into it, would be in a sense letting someone else take care of me for a change. In a sense, abandoning my masculinity... /quote]
I think that's one of the things that bothered my cousins and friends when they got older; feeling that the things they did with one another somehow made them less masculine. On the other hand, I was also secure in my self identity regardless of what the others did to me and so never lost my love for enduring whatever they dished out. Even Julia's playing dress-up with me made no difference in this regard; I knew who and what I was and that nothing could change this if I didn't want it to. Good thing to; being a masochist would give me a terrible self-image otherwise.
Apparently though this secureness and comfortableness with self-identity isn't terribly common, andcan be especially problematic for those with their own masochistic streaks or a love of being tied up.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

Re: Submissive Guys

Postby dreadnaught3200 » Sun Jan 30, 2011 10:40 pm

Yeah. Though from what I've observed guys who act really macho and really hyper-masculine tend to be less comfortable with their sexuality than guys who don't. I've never had any doubts about my orientation, but because I'm functionally Asexual (Though that's a very complicated topic) There were a lot of guys (and girls for that matter) who thought I was gay, and made sure to tell me that every chance they could. Of course they were wrong, and as it turned out a lot of those guys had real issues with their sexuality.

So as far as your cousins go, I've never met them so I can't judge if that was the boat they were in or not. But compensatory behavior is quite common in men it seems. And of course bondage, since traditionally it has been somewhat shunned takes (As you said) someone who's more comfortable with their sexuality and generally has more courage to really embrace it.

For whatever reason this kind of reminds me, I read somewhere that the amount of people who have started leaning towards "alternate" sexualities has increased over the last fifty years. A claim that can seem somewhat erroneous, considering up until recently alternate sexualities have been oppressed in most of the world. On the other hand over the last few decades, since we've entered the age of mass media, there has been somewhat of a saturation of information on alternate sexualities that the media has presented in the name of tolerance. (Which is of course a good thing) Some have speculated that this information has led people who wouldn't otherwise question their sexuality to question it, now that they're presented with so many options. I don't know if this is true or not. But it is interesting food for thought.
There's a permanent tension in music isn't there? On one hand you have three chords, you know, four four and three chords. Then there's the people like me, who say "Well, why don't we add a fourth chord and put it in five four?" - Bill Bruford

Re: Submissive Guys

Postby Jason Toddman » Sun Jan 30, 2011 11:14 pm

dreadnaught3200 wrote: I'm functionally Asexual (Though that's a very complicated topic)


Believe it or not, that's probably a more accurate description of me now than the term bisexual is; especially since I left my teens. TUGs was always far more important to me than sexual intimacy (though not the other kind of intimacy that makes some non-sexual friendships truly special). It might not see that way from the way I write my stories, but - unless you count my virtual obsesion with being sat on as sexual (which I don't seeing as I was interested in that since I was 8; years before my cousins even started doing that to me) - sex play is completely unimportant to me. Does spice up the fictional stories though... though perhaps too darned much at times.
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

Re: Submissive Guys

Postby dreadnaught3200 » Sun Jan 30, 2011 11:57 pm

Yeah I remember you posting that on another feed (Don't ask me which one). Though the whole term Asexuality is really nebulous, it can mean about a billion different things. I would describe myself as someone who is asexual but retains a definite sexual orientation, that being strait. I still very much am attracted to women on an emotional and (In my own way) physical level and I would definitely prefer a woman for a TUGS partner. But as my sex drive is basically non-existent, I'm a lot like you in the sense that the sexual component is totally unimportant to me. In fact, I'm not even totally sure I'd be able to go through with it. Though the unfortunately part I'm discovering is that to most people the sexual component is crucial. Which represents something of a conflict of interests... Not sure how I'm going to deal with this yet.
There's a permanent tension in music isn't there? On one hand you have three chords, you know, four four and three chords. Then there's the people like me, who say "Well, why don't we add a fourth chord and put it in five four?" - Bill Bruford

Re: Submissive Guys

Postby Fesselfan » Mon Jan 31, 2011 6:28 am

Well, in my experience there is no tendency for men (or women) to be more dominant or submissve (bondage wise speaking).
However, what I see is this point:
often, when one starts to discover that he/she (I'll just use "he" in the rest of the text for readability) he is not yet sure what he likes more...and therefore "starts" with the gender cliche that men are dominant and women submissve. Sooner or later he discovers then his own likings and acts accordingly.
When you look at inexperienced (bondage wise) people therefor you find more men in the active part and more women in the passive one; while in later stages you will find that it has evened out.
As for Bondage being part of SM...well this has been debated almost to death in almost every bondage/SM board in the world. Baseline...it doesn't matter. Just do what you like, don't do what you don't like...and don't care what it's called. Personaly, my kink has a lot to do with BDSM, and I have been a part of the BDSM community (in reality, not online) for over a decade now. Yet still bondage is my main thing. And when I am here, of course, I focus on that obsession and not on my other ones.

Cheers

FF
There are 10 kind of people in the world.
Those who understand binary numeral system, and those who don't.

Re: Submissive Guys

Postby vegas9191 » Wed Feb 02, 2011 1:37 pm

i believe i am submissive due to the fact that i normally take control. and i stress myself out in doing so. when im tied up, i have no control (unless i escape, as usual....) so im calm, at peace, and go with the flow. my mother is very down to earth, she was never telling me what to do mostly because i matured at a very young age and am mellow. so i would have to disagree with your statement that submissive guys are submissive because of something in their past.

Re: Submissive Guys

Postby dreadnaught3200 » Sat Feb 05, 2011 12:35 am

vegas9191 wrote:so i would have to disagree with your statement that submissive guys are submissive because of something in their past


Thanks for your opinion. And it wasn't a statement so much as a theory hehe.

Fesselfan wrote:As for Bondage being part of SM...well this has been debated almost to death in almost every bondage/SM board in the world. Baseline...it doesn't matter. Just do what you like, don't do what you don't like...and don't care what it's called.


Ain't it the truth?

And I agree with you, as I was discussing with Saraohbah earlier on, societal norms I'm sure have a lot to do with the general pre-conception of Men as dominant and women as submissive. Though I would point out that statistically it is undeniable that women are in general less domineering and not as aggressive as men. Whether that is reflected in bondage tendencies, or fetishistic tendencies in general, I have no idea. I just enjoy analyzing and discussing this sort of stuff. In general discussion is how I come to terms with things. But as you say, be who you are, enjoy it and never apologize for it.
There's a permanent tension in music isn't there? On one hand you have three chords, you know, four four and three chords. Then there's the people like me, who say "Well, why don't we add a fourth chord and put it in five four?" - Bill Bruford

Re: Submissive Guys

Postby Jason Toddman » Sat Feb 05, 2011 7:47 am

dreadnaught3200 wrote: Be who you are, enjoy it and never apologize for it.


I couldn't agree more! :D
Dare to be different... and make a difference.
To boldly go where no one in their right mind has gone before...

Re: Submissive Guys

Postby rm67 » Sun Feb 13, 2011 5:23 am

dreadnaught3200 wrote: Do you have a strong female figure in your life that you would say you have been "Dominated" by in the past?


Having studied on your question for a while now; I say yes, definitely. The neighbor girl from when I was 11, the one from my hoisting experience.

She was in the same grade and the same age, maybe several months younger, but she was more mature than me. I had talked to her only a few times prior to that encounter and never more than a few words. I thought she was quiet and sweet but she was insidious. It took devious planning to get me into that humiliating predicament.

Ever since that day, as embarrassed and degraded as I felt, I have fantasized and role played situations where girls and women dominate me.