Over the next few months there just wasn’t any opportunity or time for a discrete TUG. After our last daring adventure I was a little bolder and started a game where, whenever possible, we would have what could be called a mini-TUG. The first time was when my sister answered the phone with her back to us. I quickly crossed the room and gave Iris a bear hug from behind pinning her arms to her sides. She silently struggled (but not too hard) to get free. When my sister say goodbye and started to hang up I released my grip and hustled back to the other side of the room. From that day on Iris caught on to what I was doing and played along.
Whenever she was visiting I tried to stay nearby. It was exciting to attempt mini-TUG’s knowing we could be caught at any time. I would twist an arm behind her back and hand gag her. When passing in the hall I would side step into her and pin her against the wall for a moment. One time I was even able to get hold of her jacket sleeves as she was leaving our house and buttoned her cuffs together behind her back. She looked funny as she tried to say her goodbyes without letting my sister see that her hands were trapped. She was about to have a moment of panic (How do I open the door!!!) when I opened the door to leave and let her out at the same time. Once outside I unbuttoned her and she was on her way.
The mini-TUG’s were fun but Iris could tell just by the way I studied her that I was dying for a full capture again and she seemed to be sympathetic. Whenever she had to leave she gave me a look that seemed to say sorry, maybe next time. Eventually the next time came but it didn’t go as well as I had hoped and the way it ended broke my heart.
I was home alone one evening, I had too much homework to accompany my family on a shopping trip. Our driveway is around the front but Iris always came in by the back so she didn’t see that the car wasn’t there. If she had she probably wouldn’t have rang the doorbell. I came down and when I saw who it was I was thrilled. We had the house to ourselves for at least another two hours with no worry of being discovered.
When I answered the door and said hello the smile on her face told me that she was glad to see me. My pulse was racing. She obviously read my reaction and understood what I was anticipating because her look changed as she said ‘Is your sister in? I need to see her; I can only stay for a minute.’ Internally my hopes came crashing down but I didn’t show it on the outside.
My common sense said I should have told her that my sister wasn’t home but my desires overruled my brain. In an instant of stupid optimism I thought to myself what could it hurt to have a mini-TUG, she must have enough time for that. I found myself saying ‘She’s upstairs in her room, come on in.’ Iris entered and paused inside the door. I told her to go ahead up. As she started up the stairs I slipped off my belt; somewhere in the back of my mind a voice said that now that I her all to myself, a mini-TUG was not going to be good enough, I had to go all the way.
She didn’t realize that I was following her until she was off of the stairs and about three steps down the hall. When she turned and saw the belt she stopped and said again ‘I can’t stay’. I took her wrists behind her back and started wrapping the belt around them. ‘You can spare me a minute or two’ I said ‘it’s been a long time’. She said nothing as I buckled the belt. Then she turned to face me and I finally caught on that this was not a good idea. Her face said it all; she was pissed off. She hadn’t resisted but if I hadn’t been so insensitive to her I would have noticed that her body language was all wrong.
I apologized as I released her and walked her to the door. As she said good bye she added ‘maybe next time’. I knew at that moment that there would be no next time. Even if she was still willing I couldn’t do it again. Not only did I ignore what she had so clearly said at the door but I lied to get her into the house. I gave in to my desires and lost my self-control. I crossed the line and knew I couldn’t go back.
Over the next few years Iris continued to come over quite regularly and I made sure I was out when I knew she was coming. Occasionally we ran into each other by chance and we always had time to chat and get caught up on each other’s lives. She seemed to enjoy our encounters but they were painful for me. Now every time I saw her all I could think about is what could have been and how I had blown it.