The capture of Daniel (mm/m)

Postby DannyBoy » Sat Jan 10, 2015 9:10 am

That is the first story I post here.

My name is Daniel and that what I tell you happened in the summer two years ago when I was twelve.

Our parents left for a four week cruise to celebrate their 15th anniversary and my fourteen year old brother Niklas and I spent our summer holidays alone at home. Our parents knew that they could trust us. In addition we live in a smaller town, where almost everyone knows every each other. Therefore they had no reservations to leave us back home.

My brother tied me up for fun before (mostly with little success) or I tied him up (mostly with yet less success), but my first serious tie-up happened that summer.

Back then I was rather tender for my age and had long blond hair.

A few day after our parent`s departure I was playing soccer with friends and went back home about noon. Niklas and one of his friends, Kevin, sat on the terrace; they were concerned with their smartphones. I shortly noticed them looking to me and whispering, but I gave no thought to that. After stripping my sneaker I first went into the kitchen, to take a cold coke, then I intended to change my clothes – I still wore my sweaty blue T-Shirt, blue trunks and white ankle socks.

When I noticed that Niklas and Kevin had entered the kitchen as well I turned around. They grinned at me and Kevin held a coil of rope in his hands. By reason that I stood no chance against them and I thought I quickly could break free I almost made no resistance. My brother was able to turn my arms behind my back and keep them crossed without major trouble.

Kevin tied the crossed wrists several times, tightened the rope firmly and knotted the ends of the rope accurately. I tore at my bonds for a short time, but no chance they were too tight. The crossed position of my hands furthermore ensured, that I was not able to reach with my fingers the rope not to mention the knots.

Before I was able to think about this situation my brother asked „And what will we do to him now?” Kevin went to the sink and took the wet dishcloth yet containing the breadcrumbs of the breakfast.

He returned to me and told me to open my mouth. When I saw the ugly dishcloth I firmly shook my head. But at last I had no chance: My brother clutched my chest while Kevin kept my nose shut until I was forced to open my mouth to breathe. Kevin quickly shoved the dishcloth deep in my mouth and gagged me with a coiled up dishtowel which he accurately knotted behind my head. My protests were limited to a muffled “Mmmmmmpppppfffff”, far below low volume.

„And now?“ my brother asked. Kevin seemed to think about it. “Take him to the chair!” he finally told and pointed to our kitchen chairs. They were made of wood consisting of single boards with intervals between; the chairs had rather high chair-backs. My brother felt my arising resistance and gave no leeway to me when he pushed me to the chairs where I had to sit down.

In the meantime Kevin had taken a further piece of rope. He now lifted my tied arms to the upper edge of the chair-back and tied my tied wrists to the upper edge of the chair-back. Thereby I was forced in a far bended forward position which was very uncomfortable to me. Next he took my left leg and tied it on the ankle to the back left chair leg. Then he fixed my right leg on the back right chair leg in the same way. As a result of this I now sat with wide spread legs on the chair. Even though I was almost completely unable to move Kevin then tied my thighs to the seat of the chair with two additional ropes.

I tried to protest a further time but my gag prevented any reasonable word.

The last I saw was Kevins mean grinning before he blindfolded me with a headband. “Remain seated as well-behaved boys do, Daniel!” he told me.

Niklas and Kevin left – I was alone.

I tore at my bonds – no way! All I was able to move where my fingers, my toes and my head………

Will be continued – if the story pleases you!

Sorry for the bad English but it is not my first language!

Re: The capture of Daniel (mm/m)

Postby xtc » Sat Jan 10, 2015 9:21 am

Welcome aboard and there is no need to apologise for your English.
Boxer shorts are cool,
but little speedos rule!

More by the same author: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=22729

Re: The capture of Daniel (mm/m)

Postby canuck100 » Sat Jan 10, 2015 10:23 am

Great story so far!

Re: The capture of Daniel (mm/m)

Postby tony2 » Sat Jan 10, 2015 11:59 am

I agree. Well developed story line and adequate description of the characters. Not overly done. Thanks for posting it and Welcome!
If you believe in yourself enough -
nobody else will figure out you're faking it.


ANTS viewtopic.php?f=85&t=22496
Talk is cheap viewtopic.php?f=78&t=21971

Re: The capture of Daniel (mm/m)

Postby drawscore » Sat Jan 10, 2015 1:11 pm

Not bad. As far as spelling goes, I spotted only a missing apostrophe. Everything else was spelled correctly. That's a good thing.

Grammar and word usage could use some work, but it is head and shoulders above some other works I've seen, here, and in other places. "Accurately knotted behind my head." might be better if the gag was "tightly knotted . . . . . "

The story is well-told and interesting. The characters could use a little embellishment. You don't need to go too deep, as part of the fun for the reader, is to create the appearance of the characters in his own mind. But basics, like clothing, hair color, and build (small, regular, tall and skinny, etc.) would add to the narrative, and help the reader create a more accurate picture.

Illustrations could also add to the story. If you can do the drawings yourself, fine. If not, perhaps you have a friend that could do it, or you could ask if a member of the board would illustrate your story for you. Most stories don't come illustrated, and pictures are not really necessary, but they do enhance the story. Put them in the category of "Nice to have."

If you are unsure of the right word or phrase, find someone who does speak, read, and write English as a first language, and ask them if they would proofread your next chapter, prior to posting. That way, most errors can be detected and cleaned up. SpellCheck helps, too, but it will not alert you when a wrong word is used, but is correctly spelled. (flak and flack; there, their, and they're, etc.)

All in all, I give it a solid "B+," maybe even an "A-." You've done far better than a lot of others. Build on that.

Drawscore

Re: The capture of Daniel (mm/m)

Postby akmon45 » Sun Jan 11, 2015 7:00 pm

Great start! Happily anticipating the continuation!
Stories:
New Friends, New Problems (M/M) viewtopic.php?f=37&t=20834
The Boyfriends Son (M/M) viewtopic.php?f=37&t=21478
Aidan's Kidnapping viewtopic.php?f=85&t=22667

Re: The capture of Daniel (mm/m)

Postby PolygonCactus » Mon Jan 12, 2015 12:57 am

I'd think I'm quite picky (I've certainly noticed I can't read a lot of the stuff I used to like), but I found the English more than acceptable :).

Keep going.

Re: The capture of Daniel (mm/m)

Postby Ossassin » Tue Jan 20, 2015 12:21 am

Could develop into such an interesting piece
I have faith that it will
Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
Give me a minute
I'll duct tape you

Re: The capture of Daniel (mm/m)

Postby DannyBoy » Fri Jun 19, 2015 1:13 pm

2.Part:

Re: The capture of Daniel (mm/m)

Postby TUGfan-M001 » Fri Jun 26, 2015 12:43 am

This is developing into a really interesting story! Please continue! Would be great if you can include some duct tape elements in the following chapters!