## I have a question

Post by Sacrificiallove » Wed Jan 09, 2013 12:04 pm

I'm a little bit afraid to ask this, cause it will sound a bit like I'm bashing this whole entire thing...but here it goes.
For a while I've had this attraction to bondage, but at the same time, it turns me off big time. I feel disgusted with myself whenever I watch women being bound and gagged. I don't feel so bad when I see men that way, but for some reason, I'm not as turned on by it (or maybe I just haven't seen it enough to really know).
Here's the thing. I am a girl, and I totally see myself as this bada** dominant female who can kick any guy's butt...but then there's this other part of me, this part I can't control, that likes the submissive aspect...and that part of me disgusts me.
So here's my question: does anyone ever find some of the people on this site a tad bit misogynistic? Like, they hate women or something? Because this is how I feel when I get turned on by a woman being kidnapped and held against her will. And then when I read about how people fantasize about it...it kind of sickens me.
I know there's a difference between fantasy and real life, but where do the boundaries between what we fantasize about and what our desires are for real life lie? I'd like to believe that in real life, the guys on this site would only tie up a female if it was consenual. I'd like to believe the same for women, but I don't even know where the dominant women around here are, so this doesn't seem to apply. But then I see posts about how if the women finally escape, that some people just want them to be captured again, or instead of being rescued, they want them to stay like that. And there's people who only think the occasional guy getting tied up is okay, when really, I hardly ever see guys getting tied up on this site...unless it's by other guys. And the guys that do like getting tied up...it seems they like it if it's other guys. And then what's worse is I try to comment that it seems some people have this thing about seeing women being the weak helpless female, and I'll tell them that, believe it or not, some women are actually stronger than some men. And then they'll claim they don't think women are weak at all...they just think a bound and gagged woman is beautiful.
Umm...that's almost just as bad...if the way I'm thinking of it is accurate, that is. Guys, I'd like you to tell me what makes a bound and gagged woman so attractive? Is it because she's helpless and you have control over her? And if it's on a nonconsenual level that you like it, isn't that...well...misogynistic? Now, some of you might say that you fantasize about it, but in real life you'd only do it consenually...but that leads me to that question about where the boundaries lie. Do you only not do it to not be thrown in jail, or do you really know just how wrong it is? Or does part of you actually fear that the woman will fight back? Because that would be a rational fear.
Often in these stories people write about the women not even putting up an ounce of fight. If I was about to be kidnapped, I would put up tons of fight. And if they have a gun on me, then whatever, I'll be shot. I'd much rather that than be tied up, gagged, and held hostage or whatever they would have planned, because I find that humiliating and degrading. This is way my sexual attraction to it disgusts me.
Some of you women my be turned on by feeling helpless and dominanted by a man...but what if it wasn't consenual? Would you really enjoy being humiliated and degraded like that? I darn well hope you wouldn't.
I think all of this is fine if it's consenual, but then when I read these fantasies people have, I just begin to wonder...do they think this is okay in real life? Do they see the misogyny in it?
I do often write stories about guys getting tied up, by men and women, but I don't do it to glorify the whole thing. I have a woman come in and save his life, and then a relationship forms...a healthy relationship. I certainly am not a misandyrist...I would never kidnap a man. But I would save a kidnapped man if a situation like that arose.
People tell me about femdom, but that's not my thing. I don't even really like all the sex aspects of this stuff and if I were to find a guy who was okay with being my submissive, then I would do it in my own way...which would be wearing a muscle shirt and ripped jeans, and me overpowering him. If he wants it a little rough, then okay, but I don't want to whip him, I don't want nipple clamps, and I don't want leather. And really, I wouldn't want any sex involved. I wouldn't mind having a little tussle where we slap each other around a bit...but I am really kind of against the whole pain and humiliation bit of this.
Two last things. Where are all you submissive men who want a female to dominant you hiding, anyway? And where are all you dominant women hiding? And one other thing: Do any of you fantasize about having a woman save your life, or you saving a man's life? This is my thing. This is what I write about. But not many people seem to enjoy it (though maybe my writing's just crap), and it just makes me wonder...are people on this site that turned off to strong women who can take care of themselves...and who can take care of their man?

### Re: I have a question

Post by NemesisPrime » Wed Jan 09, 2013 2:16 pm

My experience in this area is...Rather limited.
First because I prefer males tying up other males and having "fun" with them if you catch my drift.
Second, the idea of wanting women tied up dates back a LONG way and the idea of having someone beautiful helpless and at your mercy is still very much in play even today.
Fantasy gives us an escape and allows us to do things we wouldn't normally do. In a fantasy setting our inhibitions are removed and there are no repercussions but in real life we cannot.
I'd say you should explore a bit more. You seem to be a gentle dom and prefer to be in control but not to the point where you have full control over the sub in a consensual sense otherwise you'd rather be shot if it happened in real life.
I can't explain what happens in the minds of hetero guys.
Everyone speaks in multiple languages...But gag talk is universal and a sock in your mouth is the perfect translator!

### Re: I have a question

Post by cloud » Wed Jan 09, 2013 3:08 pm

OK, so then let me say a few things.
First thing. I want to be tied up and not being tied. I find it interesting to do the ties but really I can help others by designing how to tie me better. Well, I find it more interesting to be tied up, more fun. Now, as where people are hiding, well their are a lot of them on here but the issue is even on something where people are 'different' from normal, people still try to blend in and hiding what they are truly like.
So then, as for same sex tugs, well it is their is no 'exceptions' for same sex tugs. Because of this their is a higher chance that you will do it for fun with your friends really, where you can mess about and have fun knowing their is no underlining 'exception' to get up to more, unlike in different sex tugs where that might put people of as they might not want that. But really, the idea of real life v. fantices, well, fantices are what you wish would happen, but the issue is when you get to things in real life you think differently, you conciser the conquinces and you will probably back out.
So then, the idea that people find girls tied up as attractive, well I will admit that I do, and have even said in a story that I have rope 'she was my little prize'. The reason why I feel like this is, they are a challenge, they don't give in willingly. In my eyes I hope for most of them to be dominating and not to be tied that willingly, so the idea of having one tied up is good as it means I am in control, they are powerless. But the thing is it still hast to be right really, it cant just be the odd bit of tape, it has to be clearly powerless.
Now, as many people have pointed out (sarobah is the main person that comes to mind) that giving up control to someone else is also a sign of power. It shows that you have confidence in the person, you trust them enough to tie you up and to have control over them and if you have the mind power and strength to let this happen then it shows you are a strong person. So, this also means that even a willing females can still be attractive for the idea of having control over someone who is powerful but also that they have trusted you.
So, the issue is then their is a lot of other people who take this to the extream and don't understand this really, and just go for 'the more helpless they are the better' and not the more comfterable you both feel about it all. I think really the reason why is about extream BDSM where their are treated like 'slaves' but people seam to not realise this is what they wanted to be treated like and all it shows is how strong they are.
Well, that is enough from me.... not sure how good this will be to read.....took 3 attempts
Cloud
Oh, a TUG! Do I have to play alone?
First Fictional Story (chapters 0-18): Moved Closer by Bondage

### Re: I have a question

Post by Sacrificiallove » Wed Jan 09, 2013 3:10 pm

Thanks for the reply.
I wouldn't say I'm a gentle dom. I just don't like the idea of forcibily doing something like that to a person. The whole thing is just so...ridiculous. It would always be consenual in my world.
As far as the fact that I'd rather be shot, that's if someone was trying to kidnap me, and they had a gun. I would fight back...which might get me shot. But in all actuality, I like the idea of gaining control over said kidnapper, and then me tying him up. But I certainly wouldn't mind tying up a guy who wanted to do it...and if a guy was evil, and I had to keep him for doing horrible things, then I'd certainly do it....and heck, if I was trying to keep some guy out of trouble, then I'd do it then, too. But me, myself, and I...I would only ever consent to being a submissive if I've been in the relationship a long, long time, and I've already tied him up multiple times.

### Re: I have a question

Post by Sacrificiallove » Wed Jan 09, 2013 3:18 pm

> cloud wrote:OK, so then let me say a few things.
> First thing. I want to be tied up and not being tied. I find it interesting to do the ties but really I can help others by designing how to tie me better. Well, I find it more interesting to be tied up, more fun. Now, as where people are hiding, well their are a lot of them on here but the issue is even on something where people are 'different' from normal, people still try to blend in and hiding what they are truly like.
> So then, as for same sex tugs, well it is their is no 'exceptions' for same sex tugs. Because of this their is a higher chance that you will do it for fun with your friends really, where you can mess about and have fun knowing their is no underlining 'exception' to get up to more, unlike in different sex tugs where that might put people of as they might not want that. But really, the idea of real life v. fantices, well, fantices are what you wish would happen, but the issue is when you get to things in real life you think differently, you conciser the conquinces and you will probably back out.
> So then, the idea that people find girls tied up as attractive, well I will admit that I do, and have even said in a story that I have rope 'she was my little prize'. The reason why I feel like this is, they are a challenge, they don't give in willingly. In my eyes I hope for most of them to be dominating and not to be tied that willingly, so the idea of having one tied up is good as it means I am in control, they are powerless. But the thing is it still hast to be right really, it cant just be the odd bit of tape, it has to be clearly powerless.
> Now, as many people have pointed out (sarobah is the main person that comes to mind) that giving up control to someone else is also a sign of power. It shows that you have confidence in the person, you trust them enough to tie you up and to have control over them and if you have the mind power and strength to let this happen then it shows you are a strong person. So, this also means that even a willing females can still be attractive for the idea of having control over someone who is powerful but also that they have trusted you.
> So, the issue is then their is a lot of other people who take this to the extream and don't understand this really, and just go for 'the more helpless they are the better' and not the more comfterable you both feel about it all. I think really the reason why is about extream BDSM where their are treated like 'slaves' but people seam to not realise this is what they wanted to be treated like and all it shows is how strong they are.
> Well, that is enough from me.... not sure how good this will be to read.....took 3 attempts
> Cloud

As far this goes, you stated what your thoughts were on the fantasy thing, and that in real life, people might think about the consequences...well, what consequences are they thinking of? The consequence of having humiliated and degraded a woman? The consequence that she may hate your guts forever?...or is the consequence that it's illegal, and you could get into trouble?...I mean, does anyone ever think about these implications? I know I do.
As for what you were saying about why you like women tied up...if I understood correctly, you think that women, in real life, are rather dominanting...so you like the idea of them being tied up and powerless? What exactly is wrong with a woman being dominanting and being in control and not powerless? Does that scenario turn you off?
As far as the trust thing goes...well, I'm all for doing this consenually. And I guess I can see how it would take a lot of mind power to trust a person, and to feel comfortable being tied up. I can see it...but I don't know if I actually feel that way myself.

### Re: I have a question

Post by cloud » Wed Jan 09, 2013 3:31 pm

> Sacrificiallove wrote:As far this goes, you stated what your thoughts were on the fantasy thing, and that in real life, people might think about the consequences...well, what consequences are they thinking of? The consequence of having humiliated and degraded a woman? The consequence that she may hate your guts forever?...or is the consequence that it's illegal, and you could get into trouble?...I mean, does anyone ever think about these implications? I know I do.
> As for what you were saying about why you like women tied up...if I understood correctly, you think that women, in real life, are rather dominanting...so you like the idea of them being tied up and powerless? What exactly is wrong with a woman being dominanting and being in control and not powerless? Does that scenario turn you off?

Well, as I stated in the first part. I like the idea of a female dominating me and tying me up, but I did not explain it as it didn't really need explaing So let me explain it now. Their are many points, as I already pointed out I agree with the idea that you have to be strong to allow someone else to tie you up, which means that personally I would hope that a female would think that I am 'cute' and also their 'little prize' (I can be a pain in real life to live with).
Then as for what conquinces will people think of. Well I hope that they will think of stuff like how the person being tied up will feel and think, and in all reality if they think about this then they should be legal at the same time. This may not be the case, but it should be personally what people will think of. Well, I know I will if I would to tie someone up and I would not do anything they would not like unless if it was something small as a laugh.
Oh, a TUG! Do I have to play alone?
First Fictional Story (chapters 0-18): Moved Closer by Bondage

### Re: I have a question

Post by Sacrificiallove » Wed Jan 09, 2013 4:03 pm

> cloud wrote:

> > Sacrificiallove wrote:As far this goes, you stated what your thoughts were on the fantasy thing, and that in real life, people might think about the consequences...well, what consequences are they thinking of? The consequence of having humiliated and degraded a woman? The consequence that she may hate your guts forever?...or is the consequence that it's illegal, and you could get into trouble?...I mean, does anyone ever think about these implications? I know I do.
> > As for what you were saying about why you like women tied up...if I understood correctly, you think that women, in real life, are rather dominanting...so you like the idea of them being tied up and powerless? What exactly is wrong with a woman being dominanting and being in control and not powerless? Does that scenario turn you off?

> Well, as I stated in the first part. I like the idea of a female dominating me and tying me up, but I did not explain it as it didn't really need explaing So let me explain it now. Their are many points, as I already pointed out I agree with the idea that you have to be strong to allow someone else to tie you up, which means that personally I would hope that a female would think that I am 'cute' and also their 'little prize' (I can be a pain in real life to live with).
> Then as for what conquinces will people think of. Well I hope that they will think of stuff like how the person being tied up will feel and think, and in all reality if they think about this then they should be legal at the same time. This may not be the case, but it should be personally what people will think of. Well, I know I will if I would to tie someone up and I would not do anything they would not like unless if it was something small as a laugh.

Well, I will say good for you for liking to be tied up...so you'd be more on the consenual basis then...but do you have fantasies about kidnapping a woman against her will?
Also, stupid question, but I'm just curious, your profile says your seventeen...are you really only seventeen?

### Re: I have a question

Post by Kyle » Wed Jan 09, 2013 6:40 pm

I think most of us had some doubt at one time about being interesting in tie-ups. At first glance it really doesn't make a lot of sense, especially if you like being tied up. Who wants to be helpless?
There's a lot that can be said about this, so I'll just focus on a few things that really jumped out at me. Nobody really wants to be kidnapped. Real kidnappings have a high risk of bringing a lot of things that aren't fun, like assault, rape, PTSD, etc. But a lot of people have fantasies about adventure, and kidnappings can be a bit of an adventure in a sense. Here you can live it out a little bit without having to deal with all those pesky things I mentioned earlier. I would compare it to kids playing army or that sort of thing.
You seem to have the impression being tied up and/or captured by a bad guy (or girl) makes someone weak. That's not necessarily the case. I'll get to this more in a bit.
As for guys liking women tied up, I can only speak for myself. It should be noted here I like the idea of being tied up by a woman as well. Not every man is like that. When I was a kid, and to some extent this is still true, I always wanted to be the hero and few things seemed more heroic than rescuing a woman from danger (this is where you as a feminist are supposed to blame sexism or the patriarchy or whatever they call it now). On the flip side of things I eventually developed an idea it might be fun to be the one tied up and escape and still beat the bad guys and maybe rescue the girl at the same time, or maybe just myself. This is getting back to what I mentioned above: being tied up doesn't mean you're necessarily weak. In fact I think if you can escape it makes you that much more of a bad###.
My tastes and interests have evolved a lot since I was a kid (I'd be lying if I said there wasn't at least a little bit of a sexual interest from me in all of this these days) but I still have my early interests with me which is probably why I stuck around here. I do like it when the woman escapes sometimes and beats the villain herself if it makes you happy.
I have to say about this:

> But in all actuality, I like the idea of gaining control over said kidnapper, and then me tying him up.

You've got someone else interested here. I almost wrote a story about that one time but couldn't figure out how to get it to work (I'm a terrible writer I guess).
Also, one thing I meant to say earlier: in real life, all situations should be consensual, even if it's a play kidnapping.

### Re: I have a question

Post by Sacrificiallove » Wed Jan 09, 2013 7:07 pm

> Kyle wrote:I think most of us had some doubt at one time about being interesting in tie-ups. At first glance it really doesn't make a lot of sense, especially if you like being tied up. Who wants to be helpless?
> There's a lot that can be said about this, so I'll just focus on a few things that really jumped out at me. Nobody really wants to be kidnapped. Real kidnappings have a high risk of bringing a lot of things that aren't fun, like assault, rape, PTSD, etc. But a lot of people have fantasies about adventure, and kidnappings can be a bit of an adventure in a sense. Here you can live it out a little bit without having to deal with all those pesky things I mentioned earlier. I would compare it to kids playing army or that sort of thing.
> You seem to have the impression being tied up and/or captured by a bad guy (or girl) makes someone weak. That's not necessarily the case. I'll get to this more in a bit.
> As for guys liking women tied up, I can only speak for myself. It should be noted here I like the idea of being tied up by a woman as well. Not every man is like that. When I was a kid, and to some extent this is still true, I always wanted to be the hero and few things seemed more heroic than rescuing a woman from danger (this is where you as a feminist are supposed to blame sexism or the patriarchy or whatever they call it now). On the flip side of things I eventually developed an idea it might be fun to be the one tied up and escape and still beat the bad guys and maybe rescue the girl at the same time, or maybe just myself. This is getting back to what I mentioned above: being tied up doesn't mean you're necessarily weak. In fact I think if you can escape it makes you that much more of a bad###.
> My tastes and interests have evolved a lot since I was a kid (I'd be lying if I said there wasn't at least a little bit of a sexual interest from me in all of this these days) but I still have my early interests with me which is probably why I stuck around here. I do like it when the woman escapes sometimes and beats the villain herself if it makes you happy.
> I have to say about this:

> > But in all actuality, I like the idea of gaining control over said kidnapper, and then me tying him up.

> You've got someone else interested here. I almost wrote a story about that one time but couldn't figure out how to get it to work (I'm a terrible writer I guess).
> Also, one thing I meant to say earlier: in real life, all situations should be consensual, even if it's a play kidnapping.

For the last part, without a doubt, yes, it should always be consenual.
I'm glad you do like the idea of a woman tying you up. And then that least bit about a woman escaping and beating the villain herself was cool...but that leaves out the most important aspects of what I like to write and read about...can a woman ever save the guy? Would you ever enjoy reading something like that? Or does that make you feel emasculated in a way...not only being made helpless by a woman, but then not even being able to save yourself, and having to be saved by a woman? I see it as a good thing, but then again, I'm the feminist. How do you see it?

### Re: I have a question

Post by Kyle » Wed Jan 09, 2013 7:30 pm

I won't lie, I'd prefer to be the "hero" of the situation given the choice, but I have no problem getting rescued by a woman. Certainly in a real-life situation you can't be too picky.
I have to ask you though, why do you have such an issue with guys who want to tie up women or rescue a woman and not have the reverse be true? What's really different between what you want and they want except the reversal of the genders?

### Re: I have a question

Post by Sacrificiallove » Wed Jan 09, 2013 7:51 pm

> Kyle wrote:I won't lie, I'd prefer to be the "hero" of the situation given the choice, but I have no problem getting rescued by a woman. Certainly in a real-life situation you can't be too picky.
> I have to ask you though, why do you have such an issue with guys who want to tie up women or rescue a woman and not have the reverse be true? What's really different between what you want and they want except the reversal of the genders?

Well, at least you're not totally against it.
I have been asked this kind of question before...usually in the form of someone basically saying I'm sexist against men. I see where these questions come from, and I will try my best to answer.
There are two aspects of this. The first is I don't so much mind a woman being rescued if she rescued the guy first and they're both equally as strong. They save each other. That's why they love each other. When I write longer stuff, I sometimes have cases like this. Usually that doesn't involve the woman being tied up, and usually only the guy is tied up, but still....they save each other.
That being said...maybe I wouldn't hate seeing women being rescued by guys or tied up by guys so much if it didn't happen all the freaking time. Most of the time, the men are the heroes and the women are weak and helpless. Our society is starting to come out of this....but it's still not anywhere near where it should be...where the gender roles or equal...or even *gasp!* that the woman is stronger than the guy! If we saw this more often, maybe I wouldn't mind men saving women as much. But we do not, and that is where the problem lies.

### Re: I have a question

Post by MHW » Wed Jan 09, 2013 9:22 pm

As with everyone else, I can only speak for myself, but I'm not really interested in anyone rescuing anyone, because I am more interested in consensual scenarios. Even if it's play acting that someone has been kidnapped, I prefer when somewhere during the game, both people are enjoying themselves in their own way. Usually I will skip stories on this site where the victim is bound or gagged completely against their will, because that doesn't grab my attention as much. So to me, the act of rescue is isn't usually something I even think of because it doesn't apply in to begin with.

### Re: I have a question

Post by cloud » Wed Jan 09, 2013 11:50 pm

> Sacrificiallove wrote:Well, I will say good for you for liking to be tied up...so you'd be more on the consenual basis then...but do you have fantasies about kidnapping a woman against her will?
> Also, stupid question, but I'm just curious, your profile says your seventeen...are you really only seventeen?

Well, stupid questions deserve a stupid answer. Yes I am only 17 and will be 18 in less than a month. I have always been very mature which is due to the fact that I have autism, which makes me even more strange. With autism in reality I am not really expected to worry about what others will feel like, yet I do because of my upbringing. I am not meant to like having my personal space invaded yet I really like the idea of someone else tying me up and me losing control. (Also before you ask it is why I can analysis stuff so easily)
So, as for do I fantasies about kidnapping a girl, well in all honisty partly yes and no. What I imagen is possible I will kidnap them and tie them up for a bit, when I go to free them to manage to 'over power' me and tie me up instead. Yet at the end everyone is happy with what happened which would mean it would probably be all arranged in the first place. Then as for the other way around (me being kidnapped), well I would say a home attack with them either over powering me for finding me doing a self tie anyway sounds more appealing than adduction, but I guess that is as their are less unknowns and things to go wrong.
Oh, a TUG! Do I have to play alone?
First Fictional Story (chapters 0-18): Moved Closer by Bondage

### Re: I have a question

Post by cellofello » Thu Jan 10, 2013 5:53 am

> Sacrificiallove wrote:I feel disgusted with myself whenever I watch women being bound and gagged. I don't feel so bad when I see men that way, but for some reason, I'm not as turned on by it (or maybe I just haven't seen it enough to really know).
> Here's the thing. I am a girl, and I totally see myself as this bada** dominant female who can kick any guy's butt...but then there's this other part of me, this part I can't control, that likes the submissive aspect...and that part of me disgusts me.

There's a theory that when heterosexual men see a woman in erotica (porn, if you prefer), they fantasize about having her; women fantasize about being her.
An actor can play a villain without being evil or advocating the activities of the character in real life. Millions of people play shoot-em-up video games without ever wanting to pick up a real gun at all, let alone actually use one on a person. You can engage in submissive roleplay behind closed doors without being submissive in the outside world or accepting that as a social norm.
BTW, not everyone who likes being tied up likes it for the same reason. Some people do enjoy the psychological idea of being someone's captive. Some enjoy the physical sensation of being tightly tied. Some enjoy both.

> I know there's a difference between fantasy and real life, but where do the boundaries between what we fantasize about and what our desires are for real life lie?

Sadly, not everyone is clear on that point - both on the dominant and submissive side. But all that should matter to you is that you (and any partner you play with) are clear on the point. I enjoy being tied up for an hour or two; if I had the time I'd even like to try a full weekend of being a captive. But no way would I want to live that 24x7. I have other interests in my life, such as my music. I'm fairly dominant in my normal life. Yet I don't see any dissonance between who I am when I'm submitting and who I am out in the larger world. I see myself as the same person in both situations, and no less of a man for wanting it.
So you can spend the night tied up and dominated, then go out in the morning and kick patriarchy butt. Any guy worth his salt will not think that playing that game for a few hours makes him your superior for real.

> I'd like to believe that in real life, the guys on this site would only tie up a female if it was consenual. I'd like to believe the same for women, but I don't even know where the dominant women around here are, so this doesn't seem to apply.

There are some here, but among those who are interested in bondage, there are more submissives than dominants - and that's true of both sexes. There are also switches - people who enjoy both roles. But there are some strongly dominant females who post here - Saphira and MistressDayna, e.g.

> [...]I hardly ever see guys getting tied up on this site...unless it's by other guys. And the guys that do like getting tied up...it seems they like it if it's other guys.

You're not reading the same guys I'm reading, then. There are posts by guys who are tied up by women (e.g., MattyHerich, chloroformmeplease, kidnap boy, and milagros317).

> And then they'll claim they don't think women are weak at all...they just think a bound and gagged woman is beautiful.
> Umm...that's almost just as bad...if the way I'm thinking of it is accurate, that is. Guys, I'd like you to tell me what makes a bound and gagged woman so attractive? Is it because she's helpless and you have control over her?

Are you asking about to look at or to think about?
I'm more submissive than dominant. But I generally enjoy looking at pictures of tied women more than tied men. Part of it is for the same reason I enjoy looking at pictures of untied women more than I do untied men. I'm heterosexual. Another part, oddly, is that women are generally more flexible than men. I like seeing very stringent bondage; arms tied behind the back with elbows tied together is hot. Very few men can achieve that. I wish I were that flexible.

> Do you only not do it to not be thrown in jail, or do you really know just how wrong it is? Or does part of you actually fear that the woman will fight back?

I do tie women. But a big part of my turn-on is seeing my partner turned on. Real fear and panic is not something I find sexy. So it really is only of interest to me if my partner is enjoying it. Tying and slowly teasing my partner is fun for both of us. I have a girlfriend who likes to be flogged (not too painfully). I don't enjoy doing that to her for its own sake, but I enjoy the excitement it produces in her. Unfortunately she's not very flexible and her circulation is not great, so tying her with ropes in a way that she can tolerate for a reasonable length of time and yet is secure can be a challenge.

> Often in these stories people write about the women not even putting up an ounce of fight. If I was about to be kidnapped, I would put up tons of fight. And if they have a gun on me, then whatever, I'll be shot. I'd much rather that than be tied up, gagged, and held hostage or whatever they would have planned, because I find that humiliating and degrading. This is way my sexual attraction to it disgusts me.

You may feel death is preferable to humiliation. Not everyone feels that way, however. And I'll caution that you can't be 100% sure you really feel that way yourself without actually being in that situation, which I hasten to add I hope never happens to you.
But just as you can want to have sex with some men without that meaning that you want sex with any random man, you can enjoy being "abducted" by someone you love and trust without it meaning that you would want that to happen for real with a stranger out of the blue. I enjoy sex with women and being tied by women, but there are plenty of women I have no interest in either sleeping with or being tied by.

> People tell me about femdom, but that's not my thing. I don't even really like all the sex aspects of this stuff and if I were to find a guy who was okay with being my submissive, then I would do it in my own way...which would be wearing a muscle shirt and ripped jeans, and me overpowering him. If he wants it a little rough, then okay, but I don't want to whip him, I don't want nipple clamps, and I don't want leather. And really, I wouldn't want any sex involved.

This scenario is actually one I find very hot - a woman who can subdue me and get me restrained by sheer physical strength. But in reality, it's difficult for one person alone to tie up an actively and sincerely resisting victim without a significant chance of someone getting hurt. I know that if I were to play this scenario with a friend, I'd have to do less than I would if I were being attacked for real by someone I sincerely wanted to escape. (If there are two attackers, allowing one person to pin the victim while the other attacker applies the restraints, it becomes somewhat safer - though still not all that safe - to go closer to full-speed, full-contact.)
If you're not overpowering your "victim" to "rape" him, do you have another roleplay scenario in mind (e.g., holding him for ransom), or do you see yourself doing it to him just because you (both) enjoy it?

> Two last things. Where are all you submissive men who want a female to dominant you hiding, anyway? And where are all you dominant women hiding?

While there are a number of active gay male writers here, above I've listed a few submissive heterosexual male posters as well as dominant females.

### Re: I have a question

Post by Sacrificiallove » Thu Jan 10, 2013 12:50 pm

> MHW wrote:As with everyone else, I can only speak for myself, but I'm not really interested in anyone rescuing anyone, because I am more interested in consensual scenarios. Even if it's play acting that someone has been kidnapped, I prefer when somewhere during the game, both people are enjoying themselves in their own way. Usually I will skip stories on this site where the victim is bound or gagged completely against their will, because that doesn't grab my attention as much. So to me, the act of rescue is isn't usually something I even think of because it doesn't apply in to begin with.

Well, good for you for only fantasizing about consenual scenarios. Too bad that can't be said for the rest of us...or even myself.

### Re: I have a question

Post by Sacrificiallove » Thu Jan 10, 2013 12:57 pm

> cloud wrote:

> > Sacrificiallove wrote:Well, I will say good for you for liking to be tied up...so you'd be more on the consenual basis then...but do you have fantasies about kidnapping a woman against her will?
> > Also, stupid question, but I'm just curious, your profile says your seventeen...are you really only seventeen?

> Well, stupid questions deserve a stupid answer. Yes I am only 17 and will be 18 in less than a month. I have always been very mature which is due to the fact that I have autism, which makes me even more strange. With autism in reality I am not really expected to worry about what others will feel like, yet I do because of my upbringing. I am not meant to like having my personal space invaded yet I really like the idea of someone else tying me up and me losing control. (Also before you ask it is why I can analysis stuff so easily)
> So, as for do I fantasies about kidnapping a girl, well in all honisty partly yes and no. What I imagen is possible I will kidnap them and tie them up for a bit, when I go to free them to manage to 'over power' me and tie me up instead. Yet at the end everyone is happy with what happened which would mean it would probably be all arranged in the first place. Then as for the other way around (me being kidnapped), well I would say a home attack with them either over powering me for finding me doing a self tie anyway sounds more appealing than adduction, but I guess that is as their are less unknowns and things to go wrong.

I found it really interesting finding out you were only seventeen. Although you defnitely like both the submissive and dominant aspects, sometimes it is hard for me to imagine (I think mostly because I haven't seen it too often) a guy who is younger than I am liking to tie up women. I've seen a lot of younger guys liking to be submissive, but usually not dominant. I am nineteen, so it's always just interesting to engage in a conversation with people on this site who are younger than me...maybe I just like younger people? I don't know. Also, with so many horrible and disrespectful people on the internet, a lot of them being immature teenagers, it is always nice to have rational and respectful conversations, especially with someone who's a little less than a year and a half younger than I am.
Anyway, it's really awesome that you were able to overcome your autism like that. I always love hearing about and meeting people with that disability who can still function so well. I wouldn't have guessed you had autism had you not told me.

### Re: I have a question

Post by Sacrificiallove » Thu Jan 10, 2013 1:06 pm

> cellofello wrote:

> > Sacrificiallove wrote:I feel disgusted with myself whenever I watch women being bound and gagged. I don't feel so bad when I see men that way, but for some reason, I'm not as turned on by it (or maybe I just haven't seen it enough to really know).
> > Here's the thing. I am a girl, and I totally see myself as this bada** dominant female who can kick any guy's butt...but then there's this other part of me, this part I can't control, that likes the submissive aspect...and that part of me disgusts me.

> There's a theory that when heterosexual men see a woman in erotica (porn, if you prefer), they fantasize about having her; women fantasize about being her.
> An actor can play a villain without being evil or advocating the activities of the character in real life. Millions of people play shoot-em-up video games without ever wanting to pick up a real gun at all, let alone actually use one on a person. You can engage in submissive roleplay behind closed doors without being submissive in the outside world or accepting that as a social norm.
> BTW, not everyone who likes being tied up likes it for the same reason. Some people do enjoy the psychological idea of being someone's captive. Some enjoy the physical sensation of being tightly tied. Some enjoy both.

> > I know there's a difference between fantasy and real life, but where do the boundaries between what we fantasize about and what our desires are for real life lie?

> Sadly, not everyone is clear on that point - both on the dominant and submissive side. But all that should matter to you is that you (and any partner you play with) are clear on the point. I enjoy being tied up for an hour or two; if I had the time I'd even like to try a full weekend of being a captive. But no way would I want to live that 24x7. I have other interests in my life, such as my music. I'm fairly dominant in my normal life. Yet I don't see any dissonance between who I am when I'm submitting and who I am out in the larger world. I see myself as the same person in both situations, and no less of a man for wanting it.
> So you can spend the night tied up and dominated, then go out in the morning and kick patriarchy butt. Any guy worth his salt will not think that playing that game for a few hours makes him your superior for real.

> > I'd like to believe that in real life, the guys on this site would only tie up a female if it was consenual. I'd like to believe the same for women, but I don't even know where the dominant women around here are, so this doesn't seem to apply.

> There are some here, but among those who are interested in bondage, there are more submissives than dominants - and that's true of both sexes. There are also switches - people who enjoy both roles. But there are some strongly dominant females who post here - Saphira and MistressDayna, e.g.

> > [...]I hardly ever see guys getting tied up on this site...unless it's by other guys. And the guys that do like getting tied up...it seems they like it if it's other guys.

> You're not reading the same guys I'm reading, then. There are posts by guys who are tied up by women (e.g., MattyHerich, chloroformmeplease, kidnap boy, and milagros317).

> > And then they'll claim they don't think women are weak at all...they just think a bound and gagged woman is beautiful.
> > Umm...that's almost just as bad...if the way I'm thinking of it is accurate, that is. Guys, I'd like you to tell me what makes a bound and gagged woman so attractive? Is it because she's helpless and you have control over her?

> Are you asking about to look at or to think about?
> I'm more submissive than dominant. But I generally enjoy looking at pictures of tied women more than tied men. Part of it is for the same reason I enjoy looking at pictures of untied women more than I do untied men. I'm heterosexual. Another part, oddly, is that women are generally more flexible than men. I like seeing very stringent bondage; arms tied behind the back with elbows tied together is hot. Very few men can achieve that. I wish I were that flexible.

> > Do you only not do it to not be thrown in jail, or do you really know just how wrong it is? Or does part of you actually fear that the woman will fight back?

> I do tie women. But a big part of my turn-on is seeing my partner turned on. Real fear and panic is not something I find sexy. So it really is only of interest to me if my partner is enjoying it. Tying and slowly teasing my partner is fun for both of us. I have a girlfriend who likes to be flogged (not too painfully). I don't enjoy doing that to her for its own sake, but I enjoy the excitement it produces in her. Unfortunately she's not very flexible and her circulation is not great, so tying her with ropes in a way that she can tolerate for a reasonable length of time and yet is secure can be a challenge.

> > Often in these stories people write about the women not even putting up an ounce of fight. If I was about to be kidnapped, I would put up tons of fight. And if they have a gun on me, then whatever, I'll be shot. I'd much rather that than be tied up, gagged, and held hostage or whatever they would have planned, because I find that humiliating and degrading. This is way my sexual attraction to it disgusts me.

> You may feel death is preferable to humiliation. Not everyone feels that way, however. And I'll caution that you can't be 100% sure you really feel that way yourself without actually being in that situation, which I hasten to add I hope never happens to you.
> But just as you can want to have sex with some men without that meaning that you want sex with any random man, you can enjoy being "abducted" by someone you love and trust without it meaning that you would want that to happen for real with a stranger out of the blue. I enjoy sex with women and being tied by women, but there are plenty of women I have no interest in either sleeping with or being tied by.

> > People tell me about femdom, but that's not my thing. I don't even really like all the sex aspects of this stuff and if I were to find a guy who was okay with being my submissive, then I would do it in my own way...which would be wearing a muscle shirt and ripped jeans, and me overpowering him. If he wants it a little rough, then okay, but I don't want to whip him, I don't want nipple clamps, and I don't want leather. And really, I wouldn't want any sex involved.

> This scenario is actually one I find very hot - a woman who can subdue me and get me restrained by sheer physical strength. But in reality, it's difficult for one person alone to tie up an actively and sincerely resisting victim without a significant chance of someone getting hurt. I know that if I were to play this scenario with a friend, I'd have to do less than I would if I were being attacked for real by someone I sincerely wanted to escape. (If there are two attackers, allowing one person to pin the victim while the other attacker applies the restraints, it becomes somewhat safer - though still not all that safe - to go closer to full-speed, full-contact.)
> If you're not overpowering your "victim" to "rape" him, do you have another roleplay scenario in mind (e.g., holding him for ransom), or do you see yourself doing it to him just because you (both) enjoy it?

> > Two last things. Where are all you submissive men who want a female to dominant you hiding, anyway? And where are all you dominant women hiding?

> While there are a number of active gay male writers here, above I've listed a few submissive heterosexual male posters as well as dominant females.

You wrote so much lol. I think I'm just going to hit on a few points of what you said. Thank you for telling me about the submissive heterosexual males and dominant females; I definitely need to check them out.
As far as wanting to get shot instead of kidnapped...yeah, I suppose I don't know what I'd do in real life...but...if they were trying to kidnap me, then there must be a reason they want me alive, so if they had a gun, they might be reluctant to shoot it. So maybe getting shot doesn't have to happen if I try to escape. But seriously...I really do wonder if I'd rather die than have to be kidnapped like that.
And in roleplay scenarios, I'd definitely either want it to be consenual and having fun, or instead I still get to tie him up against his will, but then later I get to write in a kick butt heroine who saves the poor boy. Lol. In real life, it'd just be goofing around, so he probably wouldn't be fighting back that hard and I wouldn't hurt him really badly...I'd probably just use a lot of force...like get him on the ground and sit on him or something. I'm not too big on actually hurting people really bad.

### Re: I have a question

Post by cellofello » Thu Jan 10, 2013 6:10 pm

> Sacrificiallove wrote:I suppose I don't know what I'd do in real life...but...if they were trying to kidnap me, then there must be a reason they want me alive, so if they had a gun, they might be reluctant to shoot it.

One real-life scenario that would present real uncertainty is a robbery. The robbers might be content to just tie you and gag you so you can't interfere, and can't attract attention until they have time to get away. Yet they might be quite willing to shoot you or stab you if you put up too much resistance. At the same time, you can't know whether the robbers might decide to take advantage of you once you're bound and helpless.

> Lol. In real life, it'd just be goofing around, so he probably wouldn't be fighting back that hard and I wouldn't hurt him really badly...I'd probably just use a lot of force...like get him on the ground and sit on him or something. I'm not too big on actually hurting people really bad.

Well, there you go. You seem to know the boundary between fantasy and reality in your own dominant imaginings. So if you can find an attractive man with his head similarly screwed on straight, you could take turns "surrendering" to each other for an evening without humiliation, pain, or shame. Indeed, you could role-play the robbery scenario above, stripped of all its fear and humiliation because your "captor" is someone you love and trust, and who loves you and wants to give you pleasure. I do hope that you can learn to accept without guilt that you can enjoy that kind of role-playing relationship without it promoting the idea that women are weak or encouraging anyone to think that it's OK for someone to do it without consent.

### Re: I have a question

Post by Sacrificiallove » Thu Jan 10, 2013 6:28 pm

> cellofello wrote:

> > Sacrificiallove wrote:I suppose I don't know what I'd do in real life...but...if they were trying to kidnap me, then there must be a reason they want me alive, so if they had a gun, they might be reluctant to shoot it.

> One real-life scenario that would present real uncertainty is a robbery. The robbers might be content to just tie you and gag you so you can't interfere, and can't attract attention until they have time to get away. Yet they might be quite willing to shoot you or stab you if you put up too much resistance. At the same time, you can't know whether the robbers might decide to take advantage of you once you're bound and helpless.

> > Lol. In real life, it'd just be goofing around, so he probably wouldn't be fighting back that hard and I wouldn't hurt him really badly...I'd probably just use a lot of force...like get him on the ground and sit on him or something. I'm not too big on actually hurting people really bad.

> Well, there you go. You seem to know the boundary between fantasy and reality in your own dominant imaginings. So if you can find an attractive man with his head similarly screwed on straight, you could take turns "surrendering" to each other for an evening without humiliation, pain, or shame. Indeed, you could role-play the robbery scenario above, stripped of all its fear and humiliation because your "captor" is someone you love and trust, and who loves you and wants to give you pleasure. I do hope that you can learn to accept without guilt that you can enjoy that kind of role-playing relationship without it promoting the idea that women are weak or encouraging anyone to think that it's OK for someone to do it without consent.

Still, the humiliation of being overpowered and tied up...is not pleasant. I might take the risk of being shot.
I'd certainly stick to being the dominant one for the first few years. Maybe after a long, long time, I'd consent to being submissive. But it would be after a long relationship.

### Re: I have a question

Post by Wyatt9999 » Fri Jan 11, 2013 2:46 pm

hehe it really does'nt matter to me as long as their my friend and we're both having fun. I definitely wouldn't mind a female capturing me and tickling me silly. As long as there is trust for both people then it's fine at least that's what I think

### Re: I have a question

Post by Sacrificiallove » Fri Jan 11, 2013 3:46 pm

> Wyatt9999 wrote:hehe it really does'nt matter to me as long as their my friend and we're both having fun. I definitely wouldn't mind a female capturing me and tickling me silly. As long as there is trust for both people then it's fine at least that's what I think

Yeah, trust is definitely the big factor. It's the people who really want to capture a woman and overpower her against her will that I'm worried about. And heck, I'm just as worried about those that want to capture a man and overpower him against his will. And I'm worried about those who want to be overpowered against their will........yeah, I don't know. Consenual basis is fine. Anything more is not cool (major understatement; more like wrong and sadistic or something).

### Re: I have a question

Post by markusthe1st » Fri Jan 11, 2013 5:09 pm

I would say it's time to stop worrying! Or if you can't, stop thinking about this stuff. Or if you can't, try to understand - and then - own your feelings about it all.
From the way you described yourself, you're a classic "switch" in that you think about being on both sides of the power exchange. And in it's simplest terms, what we're talking about here is just that - an exchange of "power" over the other between two consenting adults. These are completely natural feelings that get buried in our very busy, very modern lifestyles. After all, we're warm-blooded creatures with baser needs and desires at our cores. It's like the equivalent of a cave man (or woman ;-P) overpowering the other in different degrees. Instead of clubs, we use ropes, bandannas, and tape.
The question is, how (assuming you've gone past thinking about it and want to do something about it) do you act on these feelings? You seem to have a lot of honest fear about doing so, or that acting on your fantasies will somehow make things so much worse - like you're on some kind of slippery slope. In reality, it's one decision at a time. Try something simple, and as safe as you think is possible. If it makes you feel like you hoped, try something else.
As long as it's consensual, like you pointed out, everyone wins.
Walk the mile first... then have the fun!

### Re: I have a question

Post by Sacrificiallove » Fri Jan 11, 2013 7:49 pm

> markusthe1st wrote:I would say it's time to stop worrying! Or if you can't, stop thinking about this stuff. Or if you can't, try to understand - and then - own your feelings about it all.
> From the way you described yourself, you're a classic "switch" in that you think about being on both sides of the power exchange. And in it's simplest terms, what we're talking about here is just that - an exchange of "power" over the other between two consenting adults. These are completely natural feelings that get buried in our very busy, very modern lifestyles. After all, we're warm-blooded creatures with baser needs and desires at our cores. It's like the equivalent of a cave man (or woman ;-P) overpowering the other in different degrees. Instead of clubs, we use ropes, bandannas, and tape.
> The question is, how (assuming you've gone past thinking about it and want to do something about it) do you act on these feelings? You seem to have a lot of honest fear about doing so, or that acting on your fantasies will somehow make things so much worse - like you're on some kind of slippery slope. In reality, it's one decision at a time. Try something simple, and as safe as you think is possible. If it makes you feel like you hoped, try something else.
> As long as it's consensual, like you pointed out, everyone wins.

Haha, well, I think for the most part I'd stay dominant, and only switch a long, long way through the relationship. But I supposed this is all really not even applicable because I don't have anyone to do it with and there's no one I even feel comfortable tying up or anyone that would feel comfortable with me tying them up. If it ever happens, it will be a long, long time from now.

### Re: I have a question

Post by markusthe1st » Fri Jan 11, 2013 10:08 pm

It's easier than you think - you're the dominant one, remember? Time to test the waters.
Walk the mile first... then have the fun!

### Re: I have a question

Post by Sacrificiallove » Fri Jan 11, 2013 10:47 pm

> markusthe1st wrote:It's easier than you think - you're the dominant one, remember? Time to test the waters.

Ahahaha.....I'd probably wind up having to forcibly kidnap some poor innocent boy who's three years younger than me, meaning he's only sixteen and still a minor, and then when I finally let him go he'd call the cops and I'd go to jail. As well I should.
Then again, there are a few dudes out there who might, but I don't know, it's all a little too....sexually oriented for my liking.

### Re: I have a question

Post by cellofello » Sat Jan 12, 2013 9:27 pm

> Sacrificiallove wrote:Then again, there are a few dudes out there who might, [...]

I assure you, there are more than a few dudes out there who would be delighted to have you tie them up. The only thing I'm not sure about is how hard it will be for you to find one you want to tie.