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Orion
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### Critique my "monster" race

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Post by Orion » Sat Aug 23, 2008 3:43 am

So I'm going back to my trunk novel from when I was 14, and having another go at it.
The primary nonhumans of the setting, and in fact most of the main characters, are "Angels," a superficially benign but controlling people who live in a flying city and meddle with the entire continent's politics. They are intended to be badass, at at first seem heroic, but also to be creepy and unsettling.
While I am deliberately triyng ot be over the top, I also want to avoid being *too* angtsy/goth, so I wanted to run some cultural/physical details by you all and possibly solicit further ideas.
Life Cycle: Angels come from the Tree of Life, are sustained by the Tree of Life, and return to the Tree of Life. The angels bury thier dead, and the bodies of valint humans, around the roots of the tree. The tree extracts and compile the DNA of the dead, assembling a genome with which to work. It then constructs a series of humanoid bodies which are intented as studies of aesthetic perfection. These soullless bodies hang from the tree like fruits, until they are picked and taken to the Shrine of the Sun.
In the Shrine, the bodies are placed on the altar, directly below a fancy skylight. A complex arrangement of mirrors allows, at high noon, a focused beam of sunlight to produce a pathway from the Outer Heaven to the material plane. Through this pathway, a heavenly spirit enters the body, producing a new angel.
The angels need no sustenance beyond a single, grape-sized fruit form the Tree for each meal, but can and do eat human food for pleasure or to fit in with human society. They are believed to be immortal, although it is difficult to say as no angel has lived more than 100 years before dying in battle.
APPEARANCE
All angels are literally statuesque-- they look as though they were sculpted by a rennaissance master. Besides their beautiful musculature, angels stand out in a crowd due to their het black skin, exotically colored hair, and 6'2" average height (men and women). The most common hair colors are red, silver, and gold; male angels tned ot wear pnytails, while women keep their hair short.
Angels "wings" are entirely magical constructs. When they are unneeded, a simple spell transforms them into a cape which matches thier feather patterns; another cantrip restores them to wing status. An Angel's 9'-12' wingspan would in no way allow them to fly; actual flight is achieved by telekinesis.
Angel's eyes glow when they use their magical powers, and they can also adorn themselves with light show effects in matching color, typically a shiny full-body aura or a crown of light on their brow.
ON THE BATTLEFIELD
Angels are all considered to have at least the rank of Knight, and therefore thye all carry swords. These swords are made by Gabriel himself, and the use of other weaponry is forbidden. The angels believe that all weapons caryry a fragment of the maker's soul, and they will not corrup themselves with human weapons.
The angelic fighting style is formalized, even ritualized, and consist of an incredibly long sequence of forms and exercises collected in the Codex of the Blade. Angels in the academy are expected to simply memorize each of the hundred-odd forms, and produce the correct countermeasure for any attack they are faced with. Sparring between angel is called "dancing the blades," and does indeed resemble a choreographed dance-- one angel beigns with a particular form and the other retorts in the expected way, the two going back and forth until one forgets a form, or, for those who have finished thier memorization, until one angel finds himself physically unable to complete the techniques.
This is not especially efficient as a means of fighting instruction, but it is standardized, and angels are sufficiently stronger and faster to smackdown trained humans anyway.
While in real life human fighters are trained to lookat the opponenet's chest, not his face (keeping an eye on all his limbs and the movement of his muscles) Angels look their opponenets in the eyes, believing that the eyes are a portal to the soul. When sparring, this eye contact indeed allows the angels to predict and adapt to one another's motions. When fighting humans, the main effect of an angel's glow-eyed gaze is to creep the humans the hell out.
Angel hearts beat fast like birds, which is why they are quicker to act and slower to tire than humans are. Unfortunately, they also have extraordinarily high blood pressure, and even a flesh wound will produce fountains of sapphire-colored blood, endangering the angels' life. Fortunately, a simple spell can put angels into birdlike torpor, allowing them to be airlifted to angel HQ for emergency healing.
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Calibron
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Post by Calibron » Sun Aug 24, 2008 8:34 am

Interesting, especially the part about the heart rate and blood pressure. Aside from some dislikes based on personal taste I don't see much to comment on. What is their government like? How exactly do they interact with the people living below them?
Last edited by Calibron on Sun Aug 24, 2008 8:37 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Orion
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Post by Orion » Mon Aug 25, 2008 6:23 pm

Yeah, I thought the blood pressure was cute. I was hoping some of the medical/scientific people on here could help me with some more superman pseudo-science stuff.
What do you take a personal dislike to? I won't be offended, and I do want to know. I get that they're gnerally fanwanky in the extreme-- if you're an elf-hater they probably trip all those buttons. They pretty much all die horribly and humanity attains freedom in the end, if that's any consolation.
Government details to follow.
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Calibron
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Post by Calibron » Tue Aug 26, 2008 4:09 am

Well I am an Elf hater, but mostly because elves individually and on a cultural level don't live up to the superhuman pedestal elf-fanboys put them on, so the dislikes are pretty much not related.
To begin with the fact that the tree of life references recompiling DNA, yet in the very next paragraph you explain how these angel fruits get souls shot down from heaven in a beam of light just strikes me as really silly. Not to mention that the tree can also process and incorporate the traits of awesome human beings even though they should be incompatible. Beyond that it's purely personal preference, such as I think the Technicolor Hair is goofy and I prefer long hair in general so I don't like that all the female angels keep their hair short; just stuff like that.
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Orion
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Post by Orion » Tue Aug 26, 2008 7:00 pm

The Archangels are angelic spirits who have discovered how to enter the world without binding themselves to a corporeal form. They still draw their power form the Tree of Life, but create new bodies as needed, can appear incorporeally, and so on.
There were originally seven archangels, but the seventh assumed mortal form in order to stop Cain from besieging Babylon. He died. The remaining six now govern the six districts of the City of Light, and each angel, upon graduation, chooses an archangel to pledge service to, wearing their colors and attending to their concerns.
Michael -- Red-- Archangel of Protection and Order
Michael is the maverick of the council, frequently calling for more involvement with human lands, an expansion of the Protectorates, and renewed hostilities with chaldea. He is also the least traditionalist of the archangels. He also arms the city's human population.
Michael's followers spend more time outside the city than any other factions. They operate a number of remote garisons throughout the protectorates, looking for signs of demonic or occult activity and enforcing the laws of the Protectorates. They are guard the city itself.
Gabriel -- Blue -- Archangel of Peace and Serenity
Gabriel has become the de facto leader of the council since Heilel died. Azrael and Uriel vote with him reliably, so he needs only one additional vote for any measure to go through. He engineered the peace accords with the Chaldean demons and has generally steered the council in a more isolationist direction. He is also the Keeper of the Tree, and accordingly, the city's chief architect. He also personally creates all the weapons used by the angels.
His followers are the administrators and artists of the city, and the envoys to human governments.
Azrael -- Black -- Archangel of Death and Secrets
Azrael oversees the city's archives and synthesizes for the council the significance of reports from his chruches and other information collecting agencies. He also bestows Blessings on newly graduated angels.
Azrael's followers maintain the liaisons between the City and the human churches. They collect bodies for the Tree, and maintain most of the enchantments on the City. They also police the other orders.
Raphael -- Green -- Archangel of Healing and Charity
Raphael personally handles the most complicated healings, and creates the bulk of the city's enchantments. He is the human citizens voice in the council.
Raphael's followers operate the hospitals and care for the material needs of the City's humans. They also run a number of outreach programs on earth, to generate good PR for the City.
Uriel -- White -- Archangel of Destruction and Justice
Uriel operates the Academy, where all newborn angels are trained.
Uriel's followers are the offensive complement to Michael's followers. When a target has been identified, they terminate it with extreme prejudice.
(Heilel) --(Gold) -- (Archangel of Wisdom and Leadership)
EDIT: Damn, I need one more...
Last edited by Orion on Thu Aug 28, 2008 6:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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JonSetanta
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Post by JonSetanta » Wed Aug 27, 2008 2:30 am

The concept was fine until "dancing of the blades"; too elf.
Elf Starshine Whisperfart bullshit =/= fun.
Also, be careful of Tolkien übermensch-elf stereotype.
Try your best to make them as un-elf as possible.

> The Adventurer's Almanac wrote: ↑
> Fri Oct 01, 2021 10:25 pm
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Orion
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Post by Orion » Wed Aug 27, 2008 2:50 am

Dude, Sigma, do you realize that Tolkien's elves *are* angels, in his crypto-Christian set-up? They have a thin coat of folktale Aelf paint on, but yeah. Elves== Angels.
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Talisman
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Post by Talisman » Wed Aug 27, 2008 4:55 am

> Boolean wrote:Dude, Sigma, do you realize that Tolkien's elves *are* angels, in his crypto-Christian set-up? They have a thin coat of folktale Aelf paint on, but yeah. Elves== Angels.

Not true.
Elves and Men are explicitly "Children of Iluvatar," Iluvatar being God. The Valar are the archangels/demigods, and the Maiar are the angels.
Read the Silmarillion.

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Orion
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Post by Orion » Wed Aug 27, 2008 5:37 am

I have, thank you. And while the Maiar and Valar are more obvious angel parellells, the elves are *also* replete with motifs from the angel mythos consider:
A race created before Man
who live off in heaven/paradise
With more direct contact with God
With much singing (and god-praising) [yes, I know the singing is even more obvious with Valar and Maiar]
Filled with awesome
Yet, somehow, secondary or not as important as mankind, to whom earth belongs.
whose pride leads to much faction and internal strife, which is generally responsible for their entering the world.
They, too, correspond to a widespread branch of angelic folklore. They practically are the Grigori, who are, if you couldn't tell already, the heroes of my story.
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angelfromanotherpin
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Post by angelfromanotherpin » Wed Aug 27, 2008 12:04 pm

Let's not forget that the Grigori also taught humans literacy, agriculture, astrology, etc., as Tolkien attributed to the elves; and that the Grigori had children with humans, which were classified as different from either of the parents.
Yeah, Tolkien elves as inspired by Grigori is a pretty strong correlation.
Personally I'm a fan of traditional faeries as qlippoth, but that may be just me.
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Orion
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Post by Orion » Thu Aug 28, 2008 6:18 pm

Angels and Magic
Magic in this universe operates on a combination of Gnostic and Cthulu principles. That is, the properties of the world are considerably more complicated than they appear, in a way which allows for manipulation by those who understand what's going on. Such esoteric knowledge is both sacred and terrifying and will make you wise and balanced and/or evil and insane.
White Mages study the hidden physics slowly and methodically, processing and making peace with each new revelation befor moving on to the next. They are of necessity serene and contemplative, although not necessarily "good." White magic can do anything Blakc magic can, but is especially effective at telekinesis and healing.
BLack magic is the path for those who want to be powerful before they're fifty (not so much the path for those who want to live to be 50). Basically, Black Mages, because they're in a hurry or ren't cut out for white magic, don't fully process the secrets they unlock, instead constructed an elaborate web of superstitions and rituals to protect their midns form the infinite unknown. They can progress in power quickly, especially in telepathy and divination. However, the deluge of bizzarre experiences and sensations that attends the practice causes great damage ot thier mental health, leading to many cases of PTSD (spellcasting itself is basically a trauma), Depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and yes, occasionally Meglomania.
Magic is theoretically possible through no more than an act of will, but wizards, especially black wizards, tend to have a variety of chants and gestures which help them attain the proper state of mind.
Angels practice neither white nor black magic, nor do they really understand the intricacy of magical theory. Instead, when angels graduate from the Academy, Azrael implants in their subconscious the knowledge of a specialized branch of magic, and teaches them trigger words or gestures which allow them to activate it by post-hypnotic suggestion. This is how angels fly; each has another blessing as well. Common specialties are telekinesis, pyrokinesis, telepathy, precognition, and healing.
"Enchantments" are magical structures that hold most of the knowledge of a magical effect, requiring only a simple trigger, called a "spell" to activate. Azrael has filled the city of light which myriad enchantments, providing the equivalent of electric lights, automatic doors, etc.
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