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## So... Star Wars [Spoilers]

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Maxus
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Post by Maxus » Sun Jan 10, 2016 12:24 am

> Ancient History wrote:I have a series of Star Wars fanfiction. They're not terribly good. It's complete fanboy shit, minus all of the main series characters, except maybe the Force ghost of Luke Skywalker at some point. I had my guy behead a wookie with a lightsaber once, and he got sent to Jedi prison and met Sith the E. T. Anyway, I say all this because the New Trilogy fucks with the background for my stories, which was based on the EU. So I wrote a terrible story to work it in:
> http://www.the-unpublishable.com/2016/0 ... ities.html
> Next time, I'm going to write one about TIE Fighters that are also mechas.

Neat.
I don't write fanfic myself, but I'll swap you one from one of my favorite authors. They also do fanfiction.
Edit: In a fit of fanboy, I noticed said author had a new fic and forgot about this post and went and read the fic. Then pressed "Post".
So. Here.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5759101/1/ ... -Sith-Lord
Last edited by Maxus on Mon Jan 11, 2016 8:15 am, edited 1 time in total.
He jumps like a damned dragoon, and charges into battle fighting rather insane monsters with little more than his bare hands and rather nasty spell effects conjured up solely through knowledge and the local plantlife. He unerringly knows where his goal lies, he breathes underwater and is untroubled by space travel, seems to have no limits to his actual endurance and favors killing his enemies by driving both boots square into their skull. His agility is unmatched, and his strength legendary, able to fling about a turtle shell big enough to contain a man with enough force to barrel down a near endless path of unfortunates.
--The horror of Mario
Zak S, Zak Smith, Dndwithpornstars, Zak Sabbath. He is a terrible person and a hack at writing and art. His cultural contributions are less than Justin Bieber's, and he's a shitmuffin. Go go gadget Googlebomb!
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Hiram McDaniels
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Post by Hiram McDaniels » Mon Jan 11, 2016 1:38 am

I just saw TFA today (I was waiting for the crowds to die down), and I enjoyed it a lot. But then I'm pretty much the core demographic for the movie: I love Star Wars because it was a big part of my childhood, but in my mind the franchise consists of episodes 4,5 & 6 and the rest like the prequels and the EU is just some ancillary nonsense that I couldn't give a hot shit about. This movie hit all the notes that I was looking for in a Star Wars movie.
I pretty much accepted the First Order and the Resistance right away, because my assumption was that the FO was just a new regime that arose within the Empire when Vader and Palpatine died in RotJ, and they had been warring with the newly reformed Republic for 35 years.
I will say that Star Wars movies need a new plot. I'm getting a little burned out on Death Stars.
I liked Kylo Ren. My take away was that he essentially wanted to be Darth Vader, but whenever his composure slips he turns into a bratty punk ass. I wonder if there's any significance to the fact that his facial scar mirrors Snoke's.
The most dangerous game is man. The most entertaining game is Broadway Puppy Ball. The most weird game is Esoteric Bear.
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Shrapnel
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Post by Shrapnel » Mon Jan 11, 2016 7:06 pm

> Ancient History wrote:Next time, I'm going to write one about TIE Fighters that are also mechas.

It's been done.
Is this wretched demi-bee
Half asleep upon my knee
Some freak from a menagerie?
No! It's Eric, the half a bee
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Count Arioch the 28th
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Post by Count Arioch the 28th » Mon Jan 11, 2016 8:51 pm

> Hiram McDaniels wrote: I liked Kylo Ren. My take away was that he essentially wanted to be Darth Vader, but whenever his composure slips he turns into a bratty punk ass.

I liked how it was obvious the other Imperials First Order peeps are clearly sick of his shit. He was trying to be ominous and threatening like Vader and they were telling him to piss off back.
In this moment, I am Ur-phoric. Not because of any phony god’s blessing. But because, I am enlightened by my int score.
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Ancient History
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Post by Ancient History » Mon Jan 11, 2016 9:48 pm

> Shrapnel wrote:

> > Ancient History wrote:Next time, I'm going to write one about TIE Fighters that are also mechas.

> It's been done.

Well yes, but I still want to write about giant mecha lightsaber battle against Imperial walkers.
Deep Cuts In A Lovecraftian Vein
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erik
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Post by erik » Mon Jan 11, 2016 11:45 pm

> Count Arioch the 28th wrote:

> > Hiram McDaniels wrote: I liked Kylo Ren. My take away was that he essentially wanted to be Darth Vader, but whenever his composure slips he turns into a bratty punk ass.

> I liked how it was obvious the other Imperials First Order peeps are clearly sick of his shit. He was trying to be ominous and threatening like Vader and they were telling him to piss off back.

To be fair, people told Vader to piss off too, and officers were sick of his mysticism. Granted, Vader would force choke them and kill high ranking officers instead of consoles, but people still told him to screw off, which frankly makes it all the more remarkable.
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Maxus
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Post by Maxus » Tue Jan 12, 2016 12:23 am

> erik wrote:

> > Count Arioch the 28th wrote:

> > > Hiram McDaniels wrote: I liked Kylo Ren. My take away was that he essentially wanted to be Darth Vader, but whenever his composure slips he turns into a bratty punk ass.

> > I liked how it was obvious the other Imperials First Order peeps are clearly sick of his shit. He was trying to be ominous and threatening like Vader and they were telling him to piss off back.

> To be fair, people told Vader to piss off too, and officers were sick of his mysticism. Granted, Vader would force choke them and kill high ranking officers instead of consoles, but people still told him to screw off, which frankly makes it all the more remarkable.

He only choked the one at first, enough to scare him. He only started executing people for failure after Tarkin died and the only person Vader answered to was the Emperor. I assume after that people got a lot more polite and respectful.
There's an equivalent here with the officer, whatsisname. He's on equal status with Ren, basically.
Last edited by Maxus on Tue Jan 12, 2016 12:24 am, edited 1 time in total.
He jumps like a damned dragoon, and charges into battle fighting rather insane monsters with little more than his bare hands and rather nasty spell effects conjured up solely through knowledge and the local plantlife. He unerringly knows where his goal lies, he breathes underwater and is untroubled by space travel, seems to have no limits to his actual endurance and favors killing his enemies by driving both boots square into their skull. His agility is unmatched, and his strength legendary, able to fling about a turtle shell big enough to contain a man with enough force to barrel down a near endless path of unfortunates.
--The horror of Mario
Zak S, Zak Smith, Dndwithpornstars, Zak Sabbath. He is a terrible person and a hack at writing and art. His cultural contributions are less than Justin Bieber's, and he's a shitmuffin. Go go gadget Googlebomb!
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Hiram McDaniels
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Post by Hiram McDaniels » Tue Jan 12, 2016 12:53 am

> Count Arioch the 28th wrote: I liked how it was obvious the other Imperials First Order peeps are clearly sick of his shit. He was trying to be ominous and threatening like Vader and they were telling him to piss off back.

Yeah...I got the sense that the writers absolutely intended for Kylo Ren to be just a cheesy vader cosplayer. I actually liked him better when takes off his helmet and throw emo tantrums. Made him seem more real to me.
The most dangerous game is man. The most entertaining game is Broadway Puppy Ball. The most weird game is Esoteric Bear.
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erik
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Post by erik » Tue Jan 12, 2016 12:32 pm

Would have seemed more real to me with a haircut and brown hair rather than a young professor Snape.
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Occluded Sun
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Post by Occluded Sun » Tue Jan 12, 2016 6:58 pm

I couldn't help but wonder how they managed to nullify the mass of an entire star inside the... is there a name for the superweapon thing?
"Most men are of no more use in their lives but as machines for turning food into excrement." - Leonardo di ser Piero da Vinci
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Maxus
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Post by Maxus » Tue Jan 12, 2016 7:01 pm

> erik wrote:Would have seemed more real to me with a haircut and brown hair rather than a young professor Snape.

When he took the helmet off, I wondered how he got all that hair stuffed in that thing.
That's gotta be hot to wear.
And has a good chance of your hair being stuffed down your own ear.
He jumps like a damned dragoon, and charges into battle fighting rather insane monsters with little more than his bare hands and rather nasty spell effects conjured up solely through knowledge and the local plantlife. He unerringly knows where his goal lies, he breathes underwater and is untroubled by space travel, seems to have no limits to his actual endurance and favors killing his enemies by driving both boots square into their skull. His agility is unmatched, and his strength legendary, able to fling about a turtle shell big enough to contain a man with enough force to barrel down a near endless path of unfortunates.
--The horror of Mario
Zak S, Zak Smith, Dndwithpornstars, Zak Sabbath. He is a terrible person and a hack at writing and art. His cultural contributions are less than Justin Bieber's, and he's a shitmuffin. Go go gadget Googlebomb!
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Count Arioch the 28th
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Post by Count Arioch the 28th » Tue Jan 12, 2016 9:13 pm

> Occluded Sun wrote:I couldn't help but wonder how they managed to nullify the mass of an entire star inside the... is there a name for the superweapon thing?

A space wizard did it. And it was called Starkiller Base.
In this moment, I am Ur-phoric. Not because of any phony god’s blessing. But because, I am enlightened by my int score.
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Occluded Sun
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Post by Occluded Sun » Tue Jan 12, 2016 9:58 pm

Ugh, no wonder I couldn't remember that. What a ridiculous name.
"Most men are of no more use in their lives but as machines for turning food into excrement." - Leonardo di ser Piero da Vinci
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Kaelik
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Post by Kaelik » Tue Jan 12, 2016 10:40 pm

While it is certainly an OT tradition to have super grandiose names including the word star in them, (Star Destroyer, Death Star) it's still dumb as shit.
Could have done with a Super Weapon called "LR-PDL" or something instead.

> DSMatticus wrote:Kaelik gonna kaelik. Whatcha gonna do?

The U.S. isn't a democracy and if you think it is, you are a rube.
That's libertarians for you - anarchists who want police protection from their slaves.
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Emerald
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Post by Emerald » Wed Jan 13, 2016 2:54 am

The most likely reason for it being called Starkiller Base is that Luke Skywalker was originally named Luke Starkiller in the early scripts of Star Wars (which was fully titled "The Adventures of Luke Starkiller: Episode One: The Star Wars" ), so just like the rest of the movie, nostalgia/callbacks take precedence over making sense.
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Wiseman
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Post by Wiseman » Wed Jan 13, 2016 5:23 am

http://entertainment.ie/wtf/This-Twitte ... 374982.htm
Keys to the Contract: A crossover between Puella Magi Madoka Magica and Kingdom Hearts.

> RadiantPhoenix wrote:

> > TheFlatline wrote:Legolas/Robin Hood are myths that have completely unrealistic expectation of "uses a bow".

> The D&D wizard is a work of fiction that has a completely unrealistic expectation of "uses a book".

> hyzmarca wrote:Well, Mario Mario comes from a blue collar background. He was a carpenter first, working at a construction site. Then a plumber. Then a demolitionist. Also, I'm not sure how strict Mushroom Kingdom's medical licensing requirements are. I don't think his MD is valid in New York.

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Korwin
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Post by Korwin » Fri Jan 22, 2016 11:15 am

About the parsec thing, they (Disney) might want to present something in the "Young Han Solo" film.

> Red_Rob wrote: I mean, I'm pretty sure the Mayans had a prophecy about what would happen if Frank and PL ever agreed on something. PL will argue with Frank that the sky is blue or grass is green, so when they both separately piss on your idea that is definitely something to think about.

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OgreBattle
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Post by OgreBattle » Fri Jan 29, 2016 3:56 am

God damn, Han Solo is such a gigantic piece of shit, no wonder Kylo is so fucked up.
"He's got too much VADER in him". Vader's been dead for 30 years and Han blames that guy for how his son turned out.
Han goes "there's NOTHING we could do, our son is gone FOREVER" to justify why he's gone back to selling drugs for a living.
On Quora a bunch of folks are going "HAN SOLO IS BEST DAD HE DIE FOR GOODNESS" so I wrote my own hateful tirade on it:
https://www.quora.com/In-The-Force-Awak ... e-Chaisiri
It reminds me of the Ares Spears skit on White parenting:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_Uj1FRmLao
(Everything would've turned out better if Lando was Ben's dad...)
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Kaelik
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Post by Kaelik » Fri Jan 29, 2016 5:50 am

People have been making jokes about how just beating your kids is better parenting and other people who don't do that are terrible parents for longer than I have been alive.
And yet, there is absolutely no evidence that this is the case...
But sure, let's just make jokes about how beating people for no reason will make them better people when they grow up.

> DSMatticus wrote:Kaelik gonna kaelik. Whatcha gonna do?

The U.S. isn't a democracy and if you think it is, you are a rube.
That's libertarians for you - anarchists who want police protection from their slaves.
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Prak
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Post by Prak » Fri Jan 29, 2016 6:46 am

> erik wrote:Would have seemed more real to me with a haircut and brown hair rather than a young professor Snape.

Cuz apparently I gotta break this down for you dense motherfuckers- I'm trans feminine nonbinary. My pronouns are they/them.

> Winnah wrote:No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.

> FrankTrollman wrote:In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.
> You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.

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Count Arioch the 28th
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Post by Count Arioch the 28th » Fri Jan 29, 2016 6:51 am

I got the crap beat out of me a lot, I turned out fine.
In this moment, I am Ur-phoric. Not because of any phony god’s blessing. But because, I am enlightened by my int score.
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Prak
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Post by Prak » Fri Jan 29, 2016 7:03 am

Cuz apparently I gotta break this down for you dense motherfuckers- I'm trans feminine nonbinary. My pronouns are they/them.

> Winnah wrote:No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.

> FrankTrollman wrote:In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.
> You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.

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Chamomile
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Post by Chamomile » Fri Jan 29, 2016 8:43 pm

No one who advocates child abuse has a right to get angry about police brutality. Authority using violent force to correct non-violent behaviors either is or isn't acceptable, you can't bitch about it when you're the target and make excuses when you're the source.
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Count Arioch the 28th
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Post by Count Arioch the 28th » Fri Jan 29, 2016 8:59 pm

I don't have kids so I don't know but how do you keep young children in line before they develop the ability to consider the consequences of their actions? Judging by people my age with children the answer of choice is "do nothing" and raise unbearable little shits, but I don't think that's the best possible choice
In this moment, I am Ur-phoric. Not because of any phony god’s blessing. But because, I am enlightened by my int score.
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deaddmwalking
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Post by deaddmwalking » Fri Jan 29, 2016 9:38 pm

I have three children, ages 8, 4, and ~6 months. I'm firmly of the opinion that children are suicide machines actively trying to kill themselves at all times. I am proud that I've been able to keep my children alive despite their best efforts.
I have never had to hit my children to keep them safe.
I have had to yell, particularly in parking lots. I have had my children cry because they were scared by the sound of my voice. That's something I feel bad about, but I hope it is better than the alternative of using a spank or slap to keep them close while we walk near traffic or in other potentially dangerous situations.
It is my opinion that most 'public discipline' is intended as a show for people who were inconvenienced by the child's acts. Time outs work from about the time a child is 2. It definitely works for my 4 and 8 year old.
I can't conceive of anything that a child under two could do that would require any type of discipline - if a child is into something inappropriate, you simply physically remove them from the issue.
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