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Prak
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Post by Prak » Wed Mar 29, 2017 2:52 am

> erik wrote:The real danger is if she goes to prison and the other inmates get sprung, cuz baby got back.

Last edited by Prak on Wed Mar 29, 2017 2:52 am, edited 1 time in total.
Cuz apparently I gotta break this down for you dense motherfuckers- I'm trans feminine nonbinary. My pronouns are they/them.

> Winnah wrote:No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.

> FrankTrollman wrote:In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.
> You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.

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hyzmarca
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Post by hyzmarca » Wed Mar 29, 2017 6:00 am

> erik wrote:

> > hyzmarca wrote:She used her own services.
> > I'd buy that she's just a reckless idiot, rather than actively malicious, considering that she did that to her own butt. She still needs to go to prison, for everyone's safety.

> I seriously doubt anyone's future safety is at risk considering she is unemployable in that field already. The real danger is if she goes to prison and the other inmates get sprung, cuz baby got back.

I really wouldn't assume that she's unemployable, considering how many desperate people pay to get caulk injected in their butts ven knowing the risks.
Apparently, Florida is the illegal butt injection capital of the world.
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Ancient History
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Post by Ancient History » Sat Apr 08, 2017 5:29 pm

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/06/scie ... ories.html
Deep Cuts In A Lovecraftian Vein
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Ancient History
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Post by Ancient History » Mon Apr 17, 2017 2:16 am

http://www.foxnews.com/food-drink/2017/ ... ffect.html
Deep Cuts In A Lovecraftian Vein
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Koumei
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Post by Koumei » Mon Apr 17, 2017 5:39 am

How is it unfortunate that your shit turns bright pink? Even from a practical standpoint it probably shows up better against most skin, tiles and clothing for your basic "Note: your bowels have exploded. Washing is seriously needed here" purposes.

> Count Arioch the 28th wrote:There is NOTHING better than lesbians. Lesbians make everything better.

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Ancient History
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Post by Ancient History » Mon May 22, 2017 9:59 pm

http://lewisandquark.tumblr.com/post/15 ... al-network
Mind blark.
Deep Cuts In A Lovecraftian Vein
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angelfromanotherpin
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Post by angelfromanotherpin » Mon May 22, 2017 10:10 pm

I demand that someone write these up as actual spells.

> Moss Healing Word
> Hold Mouse
> Barking Sphere
> Heat on Farm
> True Steake
> Finger of Enftebtemang
> Fomend’s Beating Sphere
> Purping Lightsin
> Farming
> Wrathful Hound
> Q’s Invisibility
> Cow of Auraly
> Mind Blark
> Stone Share
> Puijune Magic Furs
> Grove of Plants
> Conjure Velemert
> Vicious Markers
> End Wall
> Mous of Farts
> Cursing
> Gland Growth

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Stahlseele
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Post by Stahlseele » Mon May 22, 2017 10:14 pm

Evan's Spiked Tentacles of Forced Intrusion
Welcome, to IronHell.

> Shrapnel wrote:

> > TFwiki wrote:Soon is the name of the region in the time-domain (familiar to all marketing departments, and to the moderators and staff of Fun Publications) which sees release of all BotCon news, club exclusives, and other fan desirables. Soon is when then will become now.
> > Peculiar properties of spacetime ensure that the perception of the magnitude of Soon is fluid and dependent, not on an individual's time-reference, but on spatial and cultural location. A marketer generally perceives Soon as a finite, known, yet unspeakable time-interval; to a fan, the interval appears greater, and may in fact approach the infinite, becoming Never. Once the interval has passed, however, a certain time-lensing effect seems to occur, and the time-interval becomes vanishingly small. We therefore see the strange result that the same fragment of spacetime may be observed, in quick succession, as Soon, Never, and All Too Quickly.

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Chamomile
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Post by Chamomile » Mon May 22, 2017 10:22 pm

I imagine that "farming" is just the wizard grabbing a hoe and doing some actual farmwork.
I have a blog
Also a Discord channel
I will run that one game you always wish you could play if you pay me dollars for it
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Ancient History
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Post by Ancient History » Mon May 22, 2017 10:50 pm

Moss Healing Word (Conjuration/Healing)
Brd 1, Drd 1, Rngr 2
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard acion
Range: Touch
Target: Creature touched
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: Will half (harmless); see text
Spell Resistance: Yes (harmless); see text
Using an ancient word of power known only to growing things, can heal one plant or fungus creature by touch, channeling positive energy to cure 2d4 +1 points of damage per caster level (maximum +10).
Since undead plants are powered by negative energy, this spell deals damage to them instead of curing their wounds. An undead creature can apply spell resistance, and can attempt a Will save to take half damage.
Deep Cuts In A Lovecraftian Vein
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Stahlseele
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Post by Stahlseele » Tue May 23, 2017 12:06 am

The healing word being:"There there" of course.
Welcome, to IronHell.

> Shrapnel wrote:

> > TFwiki wrote:Soon is the name of the region in the time-domain (familiar to all marketing departments, and to the moderators and staff of Fun Publications) which sees release of all BotCon news, club exclusives, and other fan desirables. Soon is when then will become now.
> > Peculiar properties of spacetime ensure that the perception of the magnitude of Soon is fluid and dependent, not on an individual's time-reference, but on spatial and cultural location. A marketer generally perceives Soon as a finite, known, yet unspeakable time-interval; to a fan, the interval appears greater, and may in fact approach the infinite, becoming Never. Once the interval has passed, however, a certain time-lensing effect seems to occur, and the time-interval becomes vanishingly small. We therefore see the strange result that the same fragment of spacetime may be observed, in quick succession, as Soon, Never, and All Too Quickly.

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Koumei
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Post by Koumei » Tue May 23, 2017 1:46 am

Hold Mouse Enchantment (Compulsion) [Mind-Affecting]
Drd 0
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Medium
Target: 1 Mouse, Rat or other partial-hit die rodent
Duration: 1 Round/level (D)
Saving Throw: Will Negates
Spell Resistance: Yes
This spell functions as Hold Animal, but only for rodents of less than one hit die.
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Barking Sphere Evocation [Sonic]
Sorc/Wiz 1, Bard 1
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Medium
Effect: 5' diameter sphere
Duration: 1 round/level
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No
A pulsing ball of sonic energy rolls about, barking loudly. Each turn it may move up to 30 feet, directed by the caster with a Swift Action. The noise it creates drowns out normal speech within 30 feet of it, and Listen checks are required to hear shouting within this area (or speech between 35-60 feet), with a DC of 20. In order to maintain Concentration on a spell, casters must succeed at Concentration checks with a DC of 15 if 35 to 60 feet away, 20 if up to 30 feet away, or 25 if adjacent to or sharing its square.
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There's my share. Fomend's Beating Sphere is presumably just a Flaming Sphere of Bludgeoning damage, like throwing a Katamari of Brock Lesnars at someone. Farming is probably "simulates a day's work in the field". Wrathful Hound is like Faithful Hound except more fierce. Grove of Plants makes plants grow, I suppose? End Wall simply Dispels all Wall spells. And Gland Growth could be some kind of weirdly specific Contagion.

> Count Arioch the 28th wrote:There is NOTHING better than lesbians. Lesbians make everything better.

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Ancient History
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Post by Ancient History » Tue May 23, 2017 3:10 am

Mind Blark Enchantment (Compulsion) [Mind-Affecting]
Sor/Wiz 3, Wuj 3
Components: Focus
Casting Time: 1 standard round or special; see text
Range: Self
Target: Self
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No
With the casting of this potent spell, the caster clears their mind of all currently memorized or prepared spells. This spell may be cast normally, or it can be triggered automatically if one of the character's spells would be stolen, as by the Spell Thief ability or equivalent spell or ability. The casting of this spell automatically defeats such ability. While memorized, the character receives a +2 bonus to Will Saves against mind-affecting spells and effects.
Focus: A gem (worth at least 50gp) worn on the brow.
Deep Cuts In A Lovecraftian Vein
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angelfromanotherpin
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Post by angelfromanotherpin » Tue May 23, 2017 4:00 am

My new favorite trap is a potion of Mind Blark mislabeled as 'Fox's Cunning.'
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Wiseman
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Post by Wiseman » Wed May 24, 2017 4:35 am

True Steake
Conjuration (Creatiion)
Clr 3 Sor 3 Wiz 3
Components: S, F
Casting time: 1 Round
Range: Close
Duration: 1 hour (see below) 10 minutes/caster level
By means of this (mispelled) spell, the caster creates the most divine, awesome, delicious steaks (1 per caster level) to ever grace the tastebuds. If not consumed within 1 hour, it quickly dissolves away into nothing though purify food and water can cause it to last for another hour each time it is cast. If consumed within this time (a minimum of 1 minute to eat), the consumer is filled with joy and energy from the sheer mind-blowing deliciousness of the steak.
They are healed as if by consuming a potion of cure light wounds/inflict light wounds (their choice), and gain a +2 morale bonus to attacks, checks, or saves, the bonus determined at the start of their round.
Focus: A well-used cooking utensil.
Keys to the Contract: A crossover between Puella Magi Madoka Magica and Kingdom Hearts.

> RadiantPhoenix wrote:

> > TheFlatline wrote:Legolas/Robin Hood are myths that have completely unrealistic expectation of "uses a bow".

> The D&D wizard is a work of fiction that has a completely unrealistic expectation of "uses a book".

> hyzmarca wrote:Well, Mario Mario comes from a blue collar background. He was a carpenter first, working at a construction site. Then a plumber. Then a demolitionist. Also, I'm not sure how strict Mushroom Kingdom's medical licensing requirements are. I don't think his MD is valid in New York.

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angelfromanotherpin
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Post by angelfromanotherpin » Wed May 24, 2017 12:09 pm

> Q's Invisibility
> Illusion (Glamer)
> Level: Bard 3, Sor/Wiz 3
> Components: V, S
> Casting Time: 1 standard action
> Range: Personal
> Duration: 1 min/level (D)
> The caster becomes invisible (as invisibility) and also inaudible, but these qualities are selective, allowing the caster to be seen and/or heard through this effect by anyone they wish. The caster defines who can see and/or hear them when the spell is cast, and can edit the lists as a swift action. As invisibility, the spell ends if the subject attacks any creature.

> Purping Lightsin
> Evocation [Light]
> Level: 3
> Components: V, S
> Casting Time: 1 standard action
> Range: Close
> Duration: Instantaneous
> Saving Throw: None
> Spell Resistance: Yes
> As Scorching Ray, but the beams of light are particularly drawn to avian cloacae. The rays must target creatures with the hindparts of birds (such as achaierai, arrowhawks, actual birds, harpies, etc.) if possible, and if they strike such a creature, they do so as confirmed critical hits.
> A light spell (one with the light descriptor) counters and dispels a darkness spell (one with the darkness descriptor) of an equal or lower level.

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Occluded Sun
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Post by Occluded Sun » Thu Jun 01, 2017 10:06 pm

Conjure Velemert
Conjuration
Level: 3
Casting Time: one action
Range: 60 feet
Components: V, S
Duration: Concentration, up to one hour
You summon 1d4+1 Velemert worth no more than one GP each. Choose two of the following for their properties:

- emit almond milk as a cooling spray
  quiver rapturously for up to ten rounds, forcing Will saves to avoid distraction
  capable of casting Finger of Enftebtemang as a 5th-level caster once per Velemert
  rigid appendages
  flavor remarkably like marinated tuna
  at-will appordasion

The summoned Velemert are indifferent to you and your companions, but will gravitate rapidly towards nearby plumbus, dealing one point of sleem damage to anything within a thirty foot radius.
Last edited by Occluded Sun on Thu Jun 01, 2017 10:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Shrapnel
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Post by Shrapnel » Fri Jun 02, 2017 2:04 am

The word velemert makes me think some kind of wibbolous jellyslime.
Is this wretched demi-bee
Half asleep upon my knee
Some freak from a menagerie?
No! It's Eric, the half a bee
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Ancient History
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Post by Ancient History » Sun Jun 04, 2017 7:55 pm

http://dangerousminds.net/comments/vhs_ ... s_basement
Deep Cuts In A Lovecraftian Vein
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hyzmarca
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Post by hyzmarca » Sat Jun 24, 2017 3:28 pm

http://www.nature.com/news/female-insec ... ge-1.15064
It's a big old, but it's new to me.
It will launch many fetish sites, I'm sure.
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Ancient History
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Post by Ancient History » Sun Jun 25, 2017 11:44 pm

https://japantoday.com/category/sports/ ... er-acronym
Last edited by Ancient History on Sun Jun 25, 2017 11:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Josh_Kablack
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Post by Josh_Kablack » Tue Aug 01, 2017 7:28 pm

I can't believe this has gotten so little coverage:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amanda_Coker
I know it's a wikipedia link, but it should have been news. Read some of the sources.
"But transportation issues are social-justice issues. The toll of bad transit policies and worse infrastructure—trains and buses that don’t run well and badly serve low-income neighborhoods, vehicular traffic that pollutes the environment and endangers the lives of cyclists and pedestrians—is borne disproportionately by black and brown communities."
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Starmaker
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Post by Starmaker » Tue Aug 01, 2017 7:53 pm

> Josh_Kablack wrote:I can't believe this has gotten so little coverage:
> https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amanda_Coker
> I know it's a wikipedia link, but it should have been news. Read some of the sources.

!!!
My hero.
Holy crap she needs to ride the PBP. Or RAAM. She'd rip everyone there a new one.
Thank you for sharing.
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Josh_Kablack
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Post by Josh_Kablack » Tue Aug 01, 2017 9:30 pm

Speaking as an astounded nobody on teh interwebs: she needs to sell the movie rights. She's an amateur who supported this effort through a gofundme campaign that only raised like $12k. And medical bills from the 2011 collision forced her family to move into a trailer.
Speaking as a cycling enthusiast who is happy to have ridden a trio of centuries in 2017 - holy shit ! I would not have though those feats humanly possible!
Last edited by Josh_Kablack on Tue Aug 01, 2017 9:45 pm, edited 2 times in total.
"But transportation issues are social-justice issues. The toll of bad transit policies and worse infrastructure—trains and buses that don’t run well and badly serve low-income neighborhoods, vehicular traffic that pollutes the environment and endangers the lives of cyclists and pedestrians—is borne disproportionately by black and brown communities."
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Zaranthan
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Post by Zaranthan » Wed Aug 02, 2017 6:57 pm

> hyzmarca wrote:Apparently, Florida is the illegal butt injection capital of the world.

It's important to remember that the only reason Florida has a reputation for being weird is the Sunshine Law. Just as much weird shit goes down in the other 49 legal systems, but digging up the details requires that people do actual journalism.

> Koumei wrote:...is the dead guy posthumously at fault for his own death and, due to the felony murder law, his own murderer?

> hyzmarca wrote:A palace made out of poop is much more impressive than one made out of gold. Stinkier, but more impressive. One is an ostentatious display of wealth. The other is a miraculous engineering feat.

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