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## 2e Monster Manual "Review" Electric Boogaloo

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CCarter
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Post by CCarter » Mon Apr 08, 2013 3:01 am

Well my contribution to the processing of the MOYLESOME MANFIESTA will be brain moles

> These small, furry animals are nearly blind, and look like normal moles. Brain moles are seldom seen, however. They live in underground tunnels, burrowing through rock as easily as through dirt... From the protection of their tunnels, they will psionically burrow into a victim's brain, and drain his psionic energy.

So your typical "you're camping overnight and without warning your brain is eaten by a monster 30' below the ground" monster. Ouch. What if I don't have psionic energy you ask? Well, if that's the case it doesn't do anything: it has a damage of 'nil' and from the description it seems that its powers can't harm nonpsionic targets (despite the normal versions doing so) as "the mole can't get a fix on its prety until the victim actually uses a psionic power". In actual fact its in the book just to troll you - if you have the Psionics Handbook, you have their stats already; if you don't, they are entirely harmless (it even does 'nil' damage in melee).
Being psionic they also get a Psionics Summary. Reading this may cause eyes to glaze over for people not familiar with the Psionics Rules: don't worry this should help with roleplaying your character, after the moles have had their way with them. It feeds using 'mindwipe' on wild talents (those who rolled low for psi powers at random) and 'psychic drain' on psionicists. Mindwipe has a 30ft range, so taking the basketweaving NWP and camping overnight in a basket 31' up a tree is probably your safest bet. Psionicists can be fed off at 30 yards, however (sucks to be you). Psychic drain basically it lets the mole steal WIS, INT, and CON points temporarily. 90% drain puts the target into a coma for 1d12 days (system shock roll each day or die), while 100% drain is fatal unless you save vs. death, and Int/Wis/Con are all reduced to 3 permanently (Doesn't say if you still get a coma, though).
Mindwipe is possibly worse...

> MINDWIPE: "Each round of mindwiping has two important, immediate effects. First, it reduces the victim's intelligence and Wisdom scores by 1 point. Second, it reduces his experience level or hit dice by 1 point."

Yes, the mole burrows through solid stone to energy drain you.
The power does however go on to note that:

> Experience level and hit dice losses affect everything except hit points. The victim keeps all of his hit points regardless of what is wiped from his mind.

Of course what this does to a character who levels up again is unexplained...do you want to actually hunt these things so you can level again and have free bonus hit dice? Hmm.
Incidentally, using Mindwipe also backfires on the user if a 20 is rolled on the power check, so 1 in every 20 times a brain mole attempts to feed it will explode, given that its a 1-HD creatures with 1 Intelligence. This probably helps keep them in ecological balance with mind flayers or something.
Also, apparently moles live in family units of 1 male, 1 female, and d6 young (fair enough). Given that the brain mole has to feed off psionic energy to survive (1/week), and psionic creaturess are usually fairly rare, I imagine brain moles are faced with choosing between either starving or eating one of their own young fairly often
The book goes on to explain that "The moles are rather friendly"...apart from wanting to suck your brain.."and easily tamed. They are favored by royalty, who enjoy the special protection which only brain moles can provide." (I assume these are mostly evil royalty, given that the brain mole has to energy drain prisoners every so often to survive, but oh well). Also "Some sages claim that even a dead brain mole can offer protection from psionic attacks, provided the carcass is worn about one's neck as a medallion."
Last edited by CCarter on Mon Apr 08, 2013 3:04 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Sigil
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Post by Sigil » Mon Apr 08, 2013 6:22 am

Well, it's been a day or two since I've done a MENHIR MORTUARY entry, so I present to you: THE GNOLL
We should all be pretty familiar with gnolls, so I'm not going to bother regurgitating the physical description. It is noteworthy that the art for the 2e gnoll is considerably less barbaric looking than the 3e one. They stand more upright and don't possess a mane. Hell, this guy even looks like a proud and regal nomad, what with the flowing cape. Also, there's a special gnoll variety, called a flind. Apparently gnolls sometimes speak flind... motherfuckerwhat? Shouldn't flinds just speak gnoll? Whatever man.
Combat: Gnolls behave like good trash mobs should, ganging up on you and coming head on, unless of course they are lead by someone, probably a flind.
Habitat/Society: Gnoll lairs, on average, contain 110 adult males, 5.5 3 HD leaders, 45/99 4 HD chieftains, and 3 18/99 elite warrior chieftain guards, along with an equal number of females (who also fight, but lack equipment), and 2 young for every adult. They can also be found working with other various trash mobs such as orcs, hobgoblins, bugbears, ogres, and trolls.
Ecology: They live to eat, and prefer to eat things that can beg for mercy or scream in pain (oooh, evil), moving on when all the prey in an area is gone. They die of old age at around 35.
Flinds: OH YEAH, FLINDS! Here we are, a special variant, should be awesome and different in some way right? Well, they're... slight stronger, slightly smarter, and slightly shorter. They have a 25% chance to be using a flindbar, they also always use a flindbar, go figure. Flindbars deal 1d4 damage, and can be used to attack twice in a round. A creature successfully struck by one must make a save verses wands or be disarmed.
Conclusion: Not interesting enough. They really bring nothing interesting to the table, and are pretty much just dog-orcs. I think the picture is more interesting than the actual description. That gnoll looks like he knows his shit, like he comes from a culture that emphasizes strength and pride, like he just might go on a crusade to eliminate and enslave the disgusting human menace from his packlands. Opportunity missed.
Last edited by Sigil on Mon Apr 08, 2013 6:25 am, edited 2 times in total.
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ishy
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Post by ishy » Mon Apr 08, 2013 2:42 pm

Looks like

> Gary Gygax wrote:The player’s path to role-playing mastery begins with a thorough understanding of the rules of the game

> Bigode wrote:I wouldn't normally make that blanket of a suggestion, but you seem to deserve it: scroll through the entire forum, read anything that looks interesting in term of design experience, then come back.

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Shrapnel
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Post by Shrapnel » Tue Apr 09, 2013 2:06 am

Holy shit, look it all you sumbitches rippin' and tearin' a new arsehole in the MSIOARJIEA TJQIN{B{,..
It makes me so happy; I have a raging erection right now at the thought of all of you doing my thread.
Maybe, just maybe, I'll do another KMNGQION IQ QEBN)N QIOPEUN BQP entry....
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Post by Shrapnel » Tue Apr 09, 2013 2:58 am

EDIT: This (the custom monster entry) wasn't nearly as funny as I thought it would be, so I'm throwing it all out. I am deeply ashamed that it ever happened.
Last edited by Shrapnel on Sat Apr 13, 2013 2:14 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Dr_Noface
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Post by Dr_Noface » Tue Apr 09, 2013 3:11 am

next do the brain gnoll
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Sigil
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Post by Sigil » Tue Apr 09, 2013 6:16 am

Brain Gnoll?
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squirrelloid
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Post by squirrelloid » Tue Apr 09, 2013 7:11 am

Wishing I had my 2nd edition books with me... someone should do the Flail Snail. (Pretty sure that was in 2nd edition. But it might be something from like 1st's Fiend Folio or somesuch).
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Username17
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Post by Username17 » Tue Apr 09, 2013 11:03 am

> squirrelloid wrote:Wishing I had my 2nd edition books with me... someone should do the Flail Snail. (Pretty sure that was in 2nd edition. But it might be something from like 1st's Fiend Folio or somesuch).

It is from the 1st edition Fiend Folio. There is apparently a Pathfinder version of it. According to wikipedia, Paizo somehow spends like 6 pages on the Flail Snail. I don't know how that is possible.
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Post by Koumei » Tue Apr 09, 2013 11:31 am

Ahahaha, that is hilarious. Everyone fixates on some weird creature or another. For this one guy at Paizo, it's the Flail Snail.
For what it's worth, that's a cool name. I'd buy an album called that.

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Dr_Noface
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Post by Dr_Noface » Tue Apr 09, 2013 1:46 pm

Sorry, brain gnoll was a joke.
But if anyone is taking requests, the House Mimic is... interesting.
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Post by Shrapnel » Tue Apr 09, 2013 2:58 pm

Invisible Stalker

CLIMATE/TERRAIN: Any
FREQUENCY: Very Rare
ORGANIZATION: Solitary
ACTIVITY CYCLE: Any
DIET: Special
INTELLIGENCE: High (13-14)
TREASURE: Nil
ALIGNMENT: Neutral
_____________________________
NO. APPEARING: 1
ARMOR CLASS: 3
MOVEMENT: 12, Fl 12 (A)
HIT DICE: 8
THAC0: 13
NO. OF ATTACKS: 1
DAMAGE/ATTACK: 4-16 (4d4)
SPECIAL ATTACKS: Surprise
SPECIAL DEFENSES: Invisibility
MAGIC RESISTANCE: 30%
SIZE: L (8' tall)
MORALE: Elite (13-14)
XP VALUE: 3,000
The invisible stalker is a creature from the elemental plane of Air. Those encountered on the Prime Material plane have almost always been summoned by wizards to fulfill a specific task.
The true form of the invisible stalker is unknown. On the Material, Astral, or Ethereal planes, the invisible stalker can only be perceived as a shimmer air mass which looks much like the refraction effect caused by hot air passing in front of cold.
Invisible stalkers understand the common speech of men, but cannot speak it. They converse only in their own language, which sounds much like the roaring and whooshing of a great wind storm.
Combat: Invisible stalkers attack by using the air itself as a weapon. It is capable of creating a sudden, intense vortex that batters a victim for 4-16 (4d4) points of damage. Such attacks affect a single victim on the same plane as the invisible stalker.
Due to their invisibility, these creatures impose a -6 penalty on the surprise rolls of those they choose to attack. Similarly, all opponents who are unable to see or detect invisible foes are at a -2 on their attack rolls. Although they are fully invisible on the Prime Material plane, their outlines can be dimly perceived on the Astral or Ethereal planes.
Invisible stalkers can only be killed on the elemental plane of Air. If attacked on another plane, they automatically return to their home plane when their total hit points are exceeded by the damage they suffered.
Habitat/Society: Little is known about the lives of these creatures on their home plane. It is assumed that they are similar to normal air elementals when encountered there.
Those present on the material plane are there as the result of a conjuration by some wizard. This magic causes the creature to serve its summoner for a time. The conjurer retains full command of the stalker until it either fulfills its duties or is defeated and driven back to its home plane. Once given a task, an invisible stalker is relentless. They are faultless trackers who can detect any trail less than a day old. If ordered to attack, they will do so with great fury and will cease their efforts only upon their own destruction or the direct orders of their master. Once their mission is accomplished, the creature is free to return to its home plane.
The invisible stalker is, at best, an unwilling servant. It resents any task assigned to it, although brief, uncomplicated labors may be seen as something of a diversion and thus undertaken with little resentment. Tasks that require a week or more of its time will drive the invisible stalker to pervert the stated intent of the command. Such commands must be carefully worded and come from a powerful wizard. An invisible stalker may look for a loop hole in the command as a means of striking back at its master. For example, a simple command such as "keep me safe from all harm" may result in the stalker carrying the conjurer back to the elemental plane of air and leaving him there in a well hidden location.
Each day of the invisible stalker's indenturedness there is a 1% cumulative chance that the creature will seek a means to pervert its commands and free itself of servitude. If no option is open, the creature must continue to serve.
'Cos they're one of those types of dudes; y'know the ones who, unless you're have to be ultra-careful with your wording, will go all Calypso on yo ass.
Ecology: Invisible stalkers are a species unwillingly transplanted to the Prime Material plane. They are slaves whose terms of servitude dominate their brief stays. Those who have been subjected to great hardship, assigned very difficult tasks, or who have faced death at the hands of humanoids, tend to retain a distrust or outright hatred of them. Those that have had an easy time during past periods of service or who are first time arrivals on the Prime Material plane may be easier to deal with. Such feelings may carry over to influence encounters with humanoids traveling in the aerial plane. Anyone who has befriended an invisible stalker in the past will find that voyages through the plane of elemental Air are far less hazardous than they might otherwise have been.
Invisible stalkers only obey those who actually summon them and few wizards can be commissioned to summon such a being on another's behalf. Some mercenary wizards have been able to construct the necessary summons onto scrolls that are usable by others. These sell for between 5,000 and 10,000 gp and are very dangerous to use. Even the slightest error can cause users of such scrolls to come to a tragic end. Because unless you're a high level wizard, you cannot have nice things.
Last edited by Shrapnel on Tue Apr 09, 2013 3:01 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Post by RobbyPants » Tue Apr 09, 2013 3:08 pm

> Shrapnel wrote:Invisible Stalker

You didn't credit the two illustrators of that awesome pic (I remember the credits in the beginning listing two people for contributing to it.)!
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Shrapnel
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Post by Shrapnel » Tue Apr 09, 2013 4:34 pm

Oh, yeah... Tim Beach and Doug Stewart.
Who says TSR doesn't have a sense of humor?
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Darth Rabbitt
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Post by Darth Rabbitt » Tue Apr 09, 2013 6:05 pm

OK, I'll do another MONSTERITIS MONOCULAR entry.
Leprechaun
Climate/Terrain: Temperate/Green lands, sylvan glens
Frequency: Uncommon
Organization: Clans
Activity Cycle: Any
Diet: Omnivore
Intelligence: Exceptional (15-16)
Treasure: F
Alignment: Neutral
No. Appearing: 1-20
Armor Class: 8
Movement: 15
Hit Dice: 2-5 hp
THAC0: 20
No. of Attacks: 0
Damage/Attack: Nil
Special Attacks: See below
Special Defenses: See below
Magic Resistance: 80%
Size: T (2’ tall)
Morale: Steady (11)
XP Value: 270
Description: Leprechauns are said to enjoy "causing harmless mischief," which presumably means "fuck over PCs." It's said that they're rumored to be part halfling and part pixie, even though gnome/pixie would make more sense for the whole magical trickster short person thing, especially since it's said that 30% of males have beards (something Halflings tend to lack.)
Combat: I'll just post up the whole section here:

> Combat wrote:These fun-loving creatures of magical talent are by nature noncombative. They can become invisible at will, polymorph nonliving objects, create illusions (with full audio and olfactory effects), and use ventriloquism spells as often as they like. Their keen ears prevent them from ever being surprised. Being full of mischief, they often (75%) snatch valuable objects from adventurers, turn invisible and dash away. There is a 75% chance that the attempt is successful. If pursued closely, there is a 25% chance per turn of pursuit that the leprechaun drops the stolen goods. The chase never leads to the leprechaun’s lair.
> If caught or discovered in its lair (10% chance), the leprechaun attempts to mislead his captor into believing that he is giving over his treasure while he actually is duping the captor. It requires great care to actually obtain the leprechaun’s treasure.

Fuck these guys, they really are a "fuck you" monster. It makes you wish you were fighting Warwick Davis, since he was actually fun:
I'd rather watch this than review these Leprechauns further.
These guys' idea of fun is the same as Gygax's: fuck over the players.
Habitat/Society: Apparently these guys live in clans; while it's rumored that a King of the Leprechauns exists he doesn't have seem to have any power over the clans. They're fond of wine, which can be used to outwit them. Next we get another nugget of shit:

> Habitat/Society wrote:Gold is the one treasure found in every leprechaun’s hoard. If an intruder secures this treasure, a leprechaun will bargain and beg to get it back. As a last desperate measure, he will grant the intruder three wishes (very limited), but only if the intruder gives over the treasure first. When this is done, the leprechaun will indeed grant the three wishes. After all three wishes, the leprechaun will flatter the intruder and declare that the three wishes were so well-phrased that he will give a fourth wish. If the fourth wish is pronounced, the leprechaun will cackle with glee, the results of all the wishes will be reversed, and the intruder plus his group will be teleported (no saving throw) to a random location 2d20 miles away. No member of that party will never be able to find that particular leprechaun again.

So I'd be sure to carefully word the first three wishes, have one of them to be for the finest weapon that my character can use, as magically powerful as the Leprechaun can make it, belonging to me, and appearing handle in my hand, ready to attack any opponent and then when the leprechaun is trying to flatter me kill its ass with that weapon and take its gold.
They don't like humans or dwarves since they tend to be greedy, despite the fact that leprechauns steal shit from people all the time and covet their hoard of gold. Too much competition? Regardless, they apparently will be friendly to people they meet on the road but won't take them to their lair. Too late Leprechauns, I hate your race now. Get back to me when you start telling me to burn things.
Ecology:Leprechauns live on borderlines (solstices/equinoxes, dawn/dusk, and shorelines are given as examples.) Also, kids are after their Lucky Charms, news at 11.
Conclusion:

> X-Entertainment wrote:
> I LOVE LEPS
> Leprechauns love outer space because it gives them the chance to stretch to their fullest extent. People like Leprechauns because they are sometimes known to give gold to children who follow rainbows. You don't need gold to like Leprechauns though, because they are so friendly and nice. People enjoy their company because they make great conversationalists and don't take up too much room in small cars.
> While friendly, Leprechauns do not like Marines. But this is not a bad thing, because Marines are all dumb. You see, Marines kill people. Its their job. Even the commercials for them suggests swordfighting. Leprechauns don't like swordfighting because its a violent process that usually results in mass pain. Thus, Leprechauns hate Marines, and so should you.
> While Leprechauns hate Marines, they will tolerate them from afar. But sticking them too close together doesn't work. They are not the proverbial peanut butter and jelly. They are never to be next to each other, along the same lines as Madonna's teeth. Putting them together is a bad thing, because Leprechauns hate Marines so much.
> Leprechauns will usually kill Marines if given the chance. We cannot fault them for this, as it is survival of the fittest and Leprechauns like to exercise. When Leprechauns kill Marines, Pokemon dream about Lando Calrissian. Nobody knows why, this is merely the way the world works. Killing Marines is okay though, because as we've found out, if we do not kill Marines, Marines will kill us.
> Leprechauns live happily ever after because there are no more Marines. Maybe someday you'll meet a Leprechaun. Wish really hard!

Wait, wrong Leprechauns, as that one is actually good. Forgive me, I needed to work that in somewhere, because too much Warwick Davis is never enough. I want to crush these smug little green fuckers from the MONSTERTITTIES MONOGAMY into Shamrock Shakes.

> Pseudo Stupidity wrote:This Applebees fucking sucks, much like all Applebees. I wanted to go to Femboy Hooters (communism).

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squirrelloid
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Post by squirrelloid » Tue Apr 09, 2013 8:12 pm

> FrankTrollman wrote:

> > squirrelloid wrote:Wishing I had my 2nd edition books with me... someone should do the Flail Snail. (Pretty sure that was in 2nd edition. But it might be something from like 1st's Fiend Folio or somesuch).

> It is from the 1st edition Fiend Folio.

Not totally surprised. I had a full collection of 1st and 2nd edition monster supplements, and used them pretty much interchangeably. Hard to remember which monsters are where without the books in front of me.

> There is apparently a Pathfinder version of it. According to wikipedia, Paizo somehow spends like 6 pages on the Flail Snail. I don't know how that is possible.
> -Username17

what.
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Username17
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Post by Username17 » Wed Apr 10, 2013 4:38 am

> squirreloid wrote:what.

Well, Paizo is charging twenty dollars for a sixty four page book that has extended essays and art collections that purport to "redeem" ten monsters that are generally regarded as shitty. So like a Cracked article, but dragged out like an SNL sketch. And it costs twenty dollars.
Many of the creatures in there only get into Cracked and Something Awful shitty monster lists because of goofy art in books from the eighties. There's nothing especially terrible about Lava Children, they just happen to look goofy in their 1st edition Fiend Folio art. I really don't know why you would feel the need to spend an average of six pages "redeeming" Lava children when they already appear in 3rd edition as the marginally interesting and in no way universally reviled "Magmin".
Old Lava Children
The dangerous but playful Magmin
Even Flumphs are just a Cretaceous Invertebrate. There's nothing to redeem, just give them a piece of art that doesn't make them look like a clown face painted on a stool.
Done.
-Username17
Last edited by Username17 on Wed Apr 10, 2013 4:39 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Post by virgil » Wed Apr 10, 2013 4:56 am

Now if only someone could "redeem" the hierarch modrons.
Come see Sprockets & Serials
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Post by Darth Rabbitt » Wed Apr 10, 2013 5:42 am

Since when did anyone consider the delver lame?
It's a giant burrowing slime monster; that's actually pretty cool.
Plus, it makes some awesome flask rogue equipment.
And the Tojanida, despite the awkward name, is at least on par for D&D-specific (to say, not based off of any mythological or preexisting fantasy creature, but just made up for D&D) creatures.
Looking the rest of those creatures up, the only ones that seem particularly silly are the flumph, flail snail and the wolf-in-sheep's-clothing, and Frank already nailed the biggest problem with the flumph.

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Post by Avoraciopoctules » Wed Apr 10, 2013 6:05 am

> squirrelloid wrote:

> > There is apparently a Pathfinder version of it. According to wikipedia, Paizo somehow spends like 6 pages on the Flail Snail. I don't know how that is possible.
> > -Username17

> what.

https://sites.google.com/site/pathfinde ... lail-snail
"Of all the bizarre creatures that haunt the caves and crevasses of the subterranean world, the flail snail is one of the strangest. As slow for its size as its diminutive cousins, the flail snail fears little from underground predators, thanks to its nigh-impermeable armor and the powerful, mace-like pseudopods that give it its name. Yet the most curious trait of this docile Darklands denizen lies is in the singular properties of its shell, which not only defends the creature against magic, but is capable of warping spells and flinging them back at their caster.
Slow and easily avoidable due to their telltale slime trails, flail snails tend to be peaceful unless actively threatened or approached too closely. At these times, the sedately waving tentacles on the creature’s head become an intricately woven blur, the horn-like growths at their tips whistling as they’re flung with terrific force by long strands of muscle. Each swipe of these biological flails is capable of staving in a man’s chest, and though most creatures have plenty of time to retreat, those who press their luck or run afoul of the flail snail’s mucilaginous secretions come out the other side as a red smear on the cavern floor.
The average flail snail stands 8 feet high at the top of its shell and 12 feet long, though the highly elastic nature of its flesh allows it to stretch out much farther. When threatened by an opponent not easily dispatched by its whirling tentacles, the flail snail can retract its entire body into its massive spiral shell, plugging the opening with its four rock-hard flails. These shells are frequently streaked with bright colors in patterns that differ between individuals; older snails tend to have larger shells with more elaborate markings, some of which may appear to resemble runes or symbols. Adult flail snails can weigh several thousand pounds, yet thanks to their slime they still manage to cling perfectly to the stone floors, walls, and even ceilings where they graze, feeding their prodigious bulk on fields of fungus, mold, and vermin. Though they have occasionally been known to consume carrion and the corpses of creatures they kill, this is generally believed to be due to lack of discrimination rather than malice, with the snail simply eating whatever it passes over out of habit.
Ecology
Physically, flail snails differ from their lesser kindred only in their size, magical shells, and powerful antennae. Movement is achieved via a single enormous foot that takes up most of the underside of the snail’s body and pulls it along by expanding and contracting in muscular ripples aided by slimy secretions. Most of the snail’s day is spent eating with the help of a radula, a long ribbon of tongue studded with thousands of tiny tooth-like structures that act like a rasp, scraping organic matter from the stone and shredding it into pieces for digestion. The constant need to eat leads the snails to migrate frequently, either alone or in slow-moving colonies called routs, and any cavern or dungeon with sufficient organic matter growing on the walls is prime real estate to a flail snail, regardless of what any other inhabitants might think.
Like other slugs and snails, the tentacle-like protrusions on the flail snail’s head are its primary sensory organs, with the top pair sensing light and the lower providing the sense of smell and handling most tactile and fine manipulation duties. Both pairs can be retracted up to the horny growths at the end, and regrow in a month if lost. Even without these sensors, the snail can still move about reasonably well, as its suction with the ground allows it to sense its surroundings via tremors in the rock. This is especially useful since striking out with its powerful flails leads to them being easily damaged in combat.
Though the flail snail’s shell gets the most attention from adventurers and scholars, its slime trail is even more important to its defense and daily life. Like many other gastropods, the flail snail’s slime comes in two types: thin and slippery or thick and sticky. Both are effective at stopping those seeking to invade the snails’ territory, and allow the snails enough suction to climb walls and ceilings without faltering. Mixing the two even allows the snails to create a sticky rope capable of suspending them in the air, lowering themselves or climbing back up with astonishing ease.
Flail snails are born from clutches of up to 30 eggs stuck to cavern walls or buried beneath interesting objects (such as altars or lost treasure hordes). Fully hermaphroditic, flail snails begin their courtship ritual by extruding long, chitinous spears that they stab into each other’s flesh, injecting hormones signaling their intent. They then climb as a pair to the highest point available and begin copulating, lowering their entwined bodies on a massive rope of slime and hanging there for hours or days until mating is finished, at which point they may be forced to gnaw off their own reproductive organs in order to separate. Both individuals then lay egg clutches, and the hatchlings—which start out already shelled, the size of a human’s hand—are raised by the community, with no concept of lineage or heredity. Any flail snail sensing a hatchling in danger instantly rushes to its defense, regardless of personal peril. Matings happen sporadically and may be tied to available food sources, though the fact that flail snails appear to be able to live for hundreds or thousands of years makes reproduction a relatively rare occurrence. Under duress, flail snails have even been observed to retract into their shells and go into long periods of hibernation, making it possible that some of the snails currently active are far older than anyone realizes.
Of course, no discussion of the flail snail’s ecology would be complete without mention of its shell. A magnificent spiral construction several inches thick, the flail snail’s shell grows slowly over time, generated by an organ on the snail’s back known as its mantle, which in turn is fed by metals and minerals scraped in tiny amounts from the stone and ingested as part of the snail’s diet. The wide array of substances used to produce the shell appears to be at least partially responsible for the whorls of color and strange patterns that cover it, though the fact that these often glow after being targeted by magic suggests other factors as well.
Exactly how the shell manages to reflect magic has long baffled scholars, who have put forth numerous theories. Some suggest that it’s due to the ingestion and combination of various magically reactive metals used in the shell’s construction. Others posit that the shell is a focus for the snail’s own magical energies, and that by the whim of gods or evolution the snail has been restricted to using its powers in a retributive manner, an example of perfect natural balance. Still others maintain that the snail’s shell resonates with magic like a bell, acting as a sort of magical tuning fork whose vibration scatters the waves of energy. Perhaps the most compelling argument is that it’s not the shell’s composition that is key, but rather its shape. This theory holds that the flail snail shell has evolved in a perfect golden spiral, a shape long significant to arcanists and engineers, and that this shape manages to draw magic down into its center and then expel it again in a new direction, like a whirlpool or tornado.
Habitat & Society
With their slow, ponderous movement, flail snails are often written off as dumb beasts by faster-moving races, afforded the same cautious respect as a bull in a pasture but otherwise ignored. This casual disregard is a mistake, however, for behind the flail snail’s slug-like exterior lies an alien intelligence and thousands of years of racial history. Flail snail intelligence is not humanoid intelligence.
Most civilized humanoids tend to value speed and inference in their decision-making, traits born of an evolution as soft, delicate things in a world of powerful predators. As a creature of ultimate defense and slow movement, the flail snail has none of the same needs. Instead, its own unique brand of consciousness is correspondingly slow and placid, prone to the absorption of vast amounts of information rather than any need to process or leap to conclusions.
A typical human who managed to communicate with a flail snail might well find the conversation dull, with the snail viewing every thought and detail as separate and unrelated from the others. Yet those monks or other scholars used to such things might recognize in the snail’s koan-like observations a certain Zen poetry hinting at deeper revelations—and indeed, if enlightenment is judged by perfect calm and inherent peace of mind, then the meditative flail snail may yet have the advantage over humanity. Certainly their lives are more pastoral, free from war and the other “advances” of civilization.
Though they have no spoken language, flail snails communicate using two different means, both completely silent. The first, an elaborate sign language of waving tentacles, is primarily used for communicating immediate needs, warnings, and other messages that are quickly picked up and passed through the rout. The second and more in-depth form of communication is a complex chemical writing system encoded within the snail’s slime.
Every flail snail has its own unique chemical signature that makes its slime trail immediately recognizable to other snails. Within its trail, each snail records a running dialogue of its thoughts, observations, and memories in a complex interaction of scents that can linger on the stone long after the slime has dried to dust. Other snails can read this dense stream of information and edit it with their own trails, creating a vast, interwoven cultural narrative that at once contains the snails’ greatest art and the sum of their collective history. Together, the slime trails of two dozen snails weave epic tales worthy of any philosopher-poet.
Flail snails do not build structures or cities—perhaps because of their lack of fine manipulators, or merely because they’ve transcended such impulses—and instead roam the Darklands singly or in vast troupes, eating their fill, sleeping a few hours a day, and recording their endless songs in the glistening slicks of their passing.
Campaign Role
Flail snails are perfect monsters to shake up subterranean adventures, especially for parties heavy on spellcasters. With their magic-warping shells, the snails add an element of randomness that can be fun and surprising for both GM and players, and force parties into new strategies. Because of their slow speed and ability to make vast swaths of ground almost impassable, flail snails make better guardians than active predators. Perhaps someone has hidden a powerful magic item or spellbook in the center of flail snail territory, knowing that those most likely to hunt for it—spellcasters—will have the hardest time breaking through the flail snails’ lines. And even those parties without a strong magical component are likely to balk at adhesive mucus and 2,000-pound snails dropping toward them from a great height on ropes of slime.
Flail snails are intelligent, and hence cannot be used as animal companions, but they can make great allies for other subterranean creatures. Mites, with their love of vermin, might relish riding slowly into combat on the armored back of a flail snail, and kobolds used to riding slurks might appreciate the snails’ ability to travel across floors and ceilings with equal ease, helping to set up traps and ambushes. Nor is the use of flail snails restricted to evil races—having little concept of good or evil themselves, the snails are equally likely to ally with svirfneblin or other deep-dwelling races. If a PC has the patience for it, a snail might even make a fun and unusual PC mount, though it should be noted that the snail’s shell does little to protect its rider, and anyone hoping to cling to the snail while upside down on the ceiling had better fashion some sort of harness, or else secure herself with snail slime.
Treasure
Flail snails see little need for treasure, or even personal possessions, as their homes, weapons, and armor are all directly attached to their bodies. At most, a flail snail’s territory might contain items dropped by slain trespassers, and more artistic individuals occasionally affix colored gems to their shells with their sticky slime (though the majority consider this a desecration of the shell’s natural beauty). More than any physical object, flail snails value knowledge, history, and poetry, all gained and shared through their ascetic meanderings, and creatures capable of deciphering either of their means of communication might learn a great deal from the slow philosophers.
Yet when people speak of treasure and the flail snail, they inevitably speak of the shell. The armored spirals are a fundamental part of the snail’s exoskeleton, removable only after death, and many adventurers seek them out to harvest their magic-warping wonders—a practice which gives some snails a justifiably low opinion of humanoids. Removing a shell from a deceased snail is messy work, after which the looter must still find a way to carry several hundred pounds of shell out of the snail’s subterranean home. As the center of the shell seems to be the focus of the magic, it’s possible for a character with heavy tools or weapons to break the shell down to only the 50 pounds necessary for crafting armor and other magical pursuits, but doing so carries a 50% chance of destroying the shell’s powers completely. A functional flail snail shell can sell to a master smith or item crafter for up to 800 gp, though the flail snail’s intelligence makes hunting its kind a morally dubious act.
Variants
Despite its outward similarities to creatures like the giant slug or giant leech, the flail snail represents a divergent branch of evolution; neither of those distant relatives possesses the intelligence or magic-warping abilities that make the flail snail so unique. Already exceptionally rare, the flail snail’s only known variants are almost identical versions that roam the surface world individually or in pairs, or those water-breathing aquatic versions that live deep under the sea or along rocky, turbulent coastlines.
Flail Snails on Golarion
On Golarion, flail snails are most commonly found underground, populating every layer of the Darklands, though they tend to choose remote regions away from other creatures. Of the rare surface-dwelling variety, many nations have stories, but only the isolated and sea-swept cliffs of western Garund have any significant populations.
There it’s possible to find towering cliff faces covered with slowly moving snails, busy cleansing the stone of salt-loving lichen or consuming the contents of coastal tide pools. Rumor has it that the floor of the Arcadian Ocean holds more flail snails than all the layers of the Darklands combined, especially clustered around geothermal vents, but the vastness of the sea makes this impossible to verify.
For most of recorded history, spelunkers and miners who encountered the reclusive snails believed them to be unintelligent beasts. It wasn’t until the Pathfinder Society published the findings of famous naturalist Adrian Klum in 4552 ar that scholars across the region were made aware of their error. While traveling through the Darklands, the Pathfinder and her party ran across a rout of snails, and Klum—deaf since birth—recognized the waving tentacles that her colleagues interpreted as threat displays for what they were: a kind of sign language. Immediately shifting the focus of her studies, Klum lived among the snails off and on for more than 2 years, cataloging their beautiful and almost impossibly complex language, even managing to communicate clumsily through the use of homemade prostheses. Though she eventually ended her research and retired to Absalom, Klum’s treatise The Voice of Silence remains the foremost authority on flail snails.
How the flail snails evolved to possess magical shells is the subject of much conjecture. Some note the similarities between the snail’s reflective shells and that of the terrible Tarrasque, suggesting the snails may have grown from pieces broken off that beast in its rampage across the Inner Sea region in –632 ar. Others whisper that the snails, traveling throughout the Darklands, made their way to the prison of the Rough Beast himself, oozing along its outer shell and gradually being twisted by energies emanating from within.
Though popular with those miners driven away from rich lodes by the snails’ herding, these tales hold little weight with scholars, as the snails obviously lack the malice of Rovagug’s spawn. Indeed, the gods and flail snails appear to have little use for one another, though Shelyn looks on them kindly for their devotion to scent-based epics, and monks of Irori familiar with Klum’s treatise occasionally seek them out to gain enlightenment from their silent koans.
Additional Ecology Section 15: Pathfinder Campaign Setting: Misfit Monsters Redeemed. Copyright 2010, Paizo Publishing, LLC; Authors: Adam Daigle, Crystal Frasier, Colin McComb, Rob McCreary, Jason Nelson, and James L. Sutter."
Last edited by Avoraciopoctules on Wed Apr 10, 2013 6:07 am, edited 1 time in total.
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darkmaster
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Post by darkmaster » Wed Apr 10, 2013 6:57 am

> Avoraciopoctules wrote:Physically, flail snails differ from their lesser kindred only in their size, magical shells, and powerful antennae.
> Habitat & Society

So does that mean if an adventure were to put on a ring of spider climb and wait for the flail snail above its path and drop a bag of salt on it as it past it would die?

> Zen poetry hinting at deeper revelations—and indeed, if enlightenment is judged by perfect calm and inherent peace of mind, then the meditative flail snail may yet have the advantage over humanity.

Um, what?

> Every flail snail has its own unique chemical signature that makes its slime trail immediately recognizable to other snails. Within its trail, each snail records a running dialogue of its thoughts, observations, and memories in a complex interaction of scents that can linger on the stone long after the slime has dried to dust. Other snails can read this dense stream of information and edit it with their own trails, creating a vast, interwoven cultural narrative that at once contains the snails’ greatest art and the sum of their collective history. Together, the slime trails of two dozen snails weave epic tales worthy of any philosopher-poet.

They do know that flail snails have five intelligence, and that philosopher-poets have... well I would assume more than five int.

> Flail snails do not build structures or cities—perhaps because of their lack of fine manipulators, or merely because they’ve transcended such impulses

Gonna go out on a limb here and say it's actually because they have -2 int and therefore gain only 1 skill point per level, have a -2 penalty to craft, and craft is cross class for them.

> Mites, with their love of vermin, might relish riding slowly into combat on the armored back of a flail snail

Who the fuck would voluntarily ride into combat on a creature with a 10 foot move speed, it's like asking to get yourself killed by every enemy who can detect you in the dark (see: everyone since you are in the underdark and everyone is prepared for fighting in caves.

> More than any physical object, flail snails value knowledge, history, and poetry, all gained and shared through their ascetic meanderings, and creatures capable of deciphering either of their means of communication might learn a great deal from the slow philosophers.

Yup, flail snails, a bunch of creatures who have to get marginally lucky to make pretty much any knowledge check. Knowledge, history, and poetry, this one guy said.

> and many adventurers seek them out to harvest their magic-warping wonders—a practice which gives some snails a justifiably low opinion of humanoids.

You are snails who apparently have the same effect on the local ecosystem as Kirby. People should already be killing you for that, and we take everybody elses stuff after we kill them so what makes you so special because we're desecrating your bodies? Oh wait, if you kill us you'll eat our bodies remember?
Last edited by darkmaster on Wed Apr 10, 2013 7:31 am, edited 3 times in total.
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virgil
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Post by virgil » Wed Apr 10, 2013 7:17 am

Damn man, fix your quote tags!

> darkmaster wrote:They do know that flail snails have five intelligence, and that philosopher-poets have... well I would assume more than five int.

> Who the fuck would voluntarily ride into combat on a creature with a 10 foot move speed, it's like asking to get yourself killed by every enemy who can detect you in the dark (see: everyone since you are in the underdark and everyone is prepared for fighting in caves.

I suspect the mites will find tactics that work for the cool factor, like tower shields for themselves and mounted combat for their snails to dodge arrows. Either that, or it's a jousting thing in practice.
Last edited by virgil on Wed Apr 10, 2013 7:23 am, edited 2 times in total.
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darkmaster
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Post by darkmaster » Wed Apr 10, 2013 7:40 am

There we go! And no, that big honkin wall of text waxed on and on about how flail snails are enlightened philosophers and poets. I'm sorry but no. They're just a bit dim. And there's nothing wrong with that, but let's not start suggesting that all you need to be enlightened scholars as a species is to move really slow, eat everything in your path, and have a sub-par int, wave your eyes around to talk, and leave scent trails. I'd be willing to accept that there are enlightened flail snails who have a predisposition toward art and philosophizing, but not all of them as the text suggests.
Also, why do I suddenly want to have an alchemist character who figures out how to alter flail snails scent markings to make all the snails seem like they're insulting each other?
Last edited by darkmaster on Wed Apr 10, 2013 7:41 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Username17
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Post by Username17 » Wed Apr 10, 2013 7:48 am

I could see using Flail Snails like early ox-driven chariots. You stand on the top while it slowly moves towards the enemy and you have a pile of javelins or arrows or something that you use at enemies who come into range. And the fact that you are standing in a little protected enclosure makes you somewhat defended from incoming missile fire and the fact that you're standing on a god damn Flail Snail makes it difficult for enemy footmen to overrun your archery position.
It's not "cavalry", it's a "mobile field fortress".
That being said, the fact that Flail Snails are basically retarded means that I can't possibly take their "philosophizing" seriously. I mean, you're basically talking to a super slow version of Philosoraptor.
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darkmaster
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Post by darkmaster » Wed Apr 10, 2013 8:12 am

Okay yeah, I can buy the mobile fortress angle, that'd be pretty interesting.

> Kaelik wrote:

> > darkmaster wrote:Tgdmb.moe, like the gaming den, but we all yell at eachother about wich lucky star character is the cutest.

> Fuck you Haruhi is clearly the best moe anime, and we will argue about how Haruhi and Nagato are OP and um... that girl with blond hair? is for shitters.
> If you like Lucky Star then I will explain in great detail why Lucky Star is the a shitty shitty anime for shitty shitty people, and how the characters have no interesting abilities at all, and everything is poorly designed especially the skill challenges.

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