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## Could the Star Wars prequel movies have been saved?

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Leress
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Post by Leress » Fri Nov 16, 2012 1:55 pm

> Winnah wrote:Midichlorians make even less sense after Vader has a large percentage of his body replaced by inorganic tech.

When I first hear Qui-Gon say that I almost stood up in the theater and said bullshit. All I could think was did Lucas jack story elements from Parasite Eve?

> Koumei wrote:I'm just glad that Jill Stein stayed true to her homeopathic principles by trying to win with .2% of the vote. She just hasn't diluted it enough!

> Koumei wrote:I am disappointed in Santorum: he should carry his dead election campaign to term!

> Just a heads up... Your post is pregnant... When you miss that many periods it's just a given.

> I want him to tongue-punch my box.

]

> The divine in me says the divine in you should go fuck itself.

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RadiantPhoenix
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Post by RadiantPhoenix » Fri Nov 16, 2012 8:53 pm

> Hicks wrote:Speaking of love being capital E-vil, how do you perpetuate your mystic society if you indrotrinate them as children with "a jedi cannot love"?
> A long, long time ago in a galaxy far far away...
> There were Quakers with laser swords.

You're thinking of Shakers, not Quakers.
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K
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Post by K » Thu Nov 22, 2012 10:29 am

The guy who wrote The Empire Strikes Back may be back for the new SW film.
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Josh_Kablack
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Post by Josh_Kablack » Thu Nov 22, 2012 5:57 pm

> Winnah wrote:Midichlorians make even less sense after Vader has a large percentage of his body replaced by inorganic tech.
> Retcon them into a benign bacteriophage or something, that reproduces a lot faster when their host has a strong connection to the force, whatever that is. They are simply a indication of force sensitivity, not the cause.

Yeah, that line would have been fine if it had merely been a "his power level is over 9000" sort of technobabble.

> edit: Also, Anakin's mum. Not a virgin. His daddy just could not handle the responsibility, so used a Jedi Mind trick and skipped town.

Well, I interpreted Anakin's mom's line about his missing father to be something that couldn't cross the master/slave barrier in that society. Of course, I was wishing for both a subtext that wasn't there and actors / direction who could convey subtext.
"But transportation issues are social-justice issues. The toll of bad transit policies and worse infrastructure—trains and buses that don’t run well and badly serve low-income neighborhoods, vehicular traffic that pollutes the environment and endangers the lives of cyclists and pedestrians—is borne disproportionately by black and brown communities."
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Lago PARANOIA
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Post by Lago PARANOIA » Thu Nov 22, 2012 6:50 pm

> FrankTrollman wrote:Now I am not sure how much the film makers could have influenced that train wreck. Some of the big problems are also big plot arcs. What you'd want to do is to have the action split between the Wookie world and Coruscant, with no Death Star at all, and have the speeder bike chase and fights in the woods be about Wookies fighting to keep their world and have all the final showdown with the Emperor in the actual capital. But I'm not sure you can do a reboot that extensive.

Well, if I was transported in time back to the pre-production of ROTJ and had George Lucas' balls in a vice, here's what I would do:
The Emperor was converting the imperial capital homeworld (which may or may not be Corusant) into a Death Star. Maybe a Mega Death Star, with the orbiting moons as space stations or some shit. Whatever. Personally, I think that kind of escalation is dumb -- but audiences do expect it and it's an easy enough cop-out to implement without it derailing the rest of the movie.
The wookies have been transported to the planet to work as slaves because something something high radiation and heat resistance. Or maybe Kashyyk the closest planet and the Empire are racist dicks. Most of the population has been forcefully relocated/genocided and one of the Super Shield Generators is on it. This Super Shield Generator is cooling down the planet because it is drawing all of the geothermal energy from the planet to power it. So most of the once-green planet is wasteland/tundra except for a tiny patch of forest where the surviving wookies are located.
Of course, the other shield generator is located right in the center of the Imperial capital, where Vader and the Emperor are waiting.
Other changes:
[*] Cut out the entire Jabba rescue sequence entirely. Boba Fett brings Han back to Emperor/Vader to use as a carrot and stick to lure Luke right where he wants. If Harrison Ford didn't doesn't agree to come back to reprise his role then Han Solo gets killed in a dramatic fashion that fuels Luke's anger and shit. If he does, then he gets rescued during Act 1/3 and joins on the ass-kicking adventure for some sexual tension.
[*] Include more Rebel aliens in the movie. It's an easy way to do the obligatory-yet-awesome Gondor Calls For Aid escalation and frankly Star Wars could always use more non-human aliens. They don't have to be important or even named characters but they should still be there.
[*] If Han Solo does come back then he should be the one to kill Boba Fett in an action-packed sequence. If not, then it should be Leia.
And I'm going to stop here. I'm starting to depress myself, wondering about a possibility that could have never been.

> Josh Kablack wrote:Your freedom to make rulings up on the fly is in direct conflict with my freedom to interact with an internally consistent narrative. Your freedom to run/play a game without needing to understand a complex rule system is in direct conflict with my freedom to play a character whose abilities and flaws function as I intended within that ruleset. Your freedom to add and change rules in the middle of the game is in direct conflict with my ability to understand that rules system before I decided whether or not to join your game.
> In short, your entire post is dismissive of not merely my intelligence, but my agency. And I don't mean agency as a player within one of your games, I mean my agency as a person. You do not want me to be informed when I make the fundamental decisions of deciding whether to join your game or buying your rules system.

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Shrapnel
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Post by Shrapnel » Thu Nov 22, 2012 7:00 pm

[quote="Lago PARANOIA]If Han Solo does come back then he should be the one to kill Boba Fett in an action-packed sequence. If not, then it should be Leia.[/quote]
Actually, I loved the fact that Boba Fett died in a burp gag.
Is this wretched demi-bee
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Darth Rabbitt
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Post by Darth Rabbitt » Fri Nov 23, 2012 5:20 am

The Jabba scenes were the best fucking part of the film, if not just because of seeing shitloads of Jedi asskicking and metric fucktons of Muppet aliens (which it was clear were the only things that Lucas himself was good at doing.)
I mean, it's kind of damning that the best parts of Return of the Jedi are just mindless action movie stuff, and not Empire or even A New Hope level, but that doesn't mean that mindless action movie heroics are bad for Star Wars.
I actually think some is necessary for the series; even Empire had the big ass battle on Hoth at the beginning, and A New Hope is at its core an excellent mindless action/sci-fi movie (Empire was much more character-driven.)

> Pseudo Stupidity wrote:This Applebees fucking sucks, much like all Applebees. I wanted to go to Femboy Hooters (communism).

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Maxus
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Post by Maxus » Fri Nov 23, 2012 7:34 am

Part of my problem with the stuff beyond the original trilogy is the fetishization of everything about it.
I could buy Boba Fett being a good bounty hunter. And there's been some neat stuff done. But he only became the Galaxy's Greatest because he was about the only bounty hunter with any lines at all in the movie.
What really bothers me is how the YT-whatever-hundred freighter the Falcon is. Luke and Leia both comment on it being a hunk of junk.
Then over the years, it turns out the Falcon's exact model of freighter was the most prized and best thing evar. I remember reading something from RA Salvatore when he wrote Vector Prime. He included a scene with Han and Anakin Solo upgrading the guns on the Falcon. Just an excuse to have them working on the ship and being around each other.
He got a screaming phonecall from an editor going "DON'T MESS WITH PERFECTION!"
Anyways. Read entirely too much of that stuff in my early teens. I still like the Thrawn trilogy.
He jumps like a damned dragoon, and charges into battle fighting rather insane monsters with little more than his bare hands and rather nasty spell effects conjured up solely through knowledge and the local plantlife. He unerringly knows where his goal lies, he breathes underwater and is untroubled by space travel, seems to have no limits to his actual endurance and favors killing his enemies by driving both boots square into their skull. His agility is unmatched, and his strength legendary, able to fling about a turtle shell big enough to contain a man with enough force to barrel down a near endless path of unfortunates.
--The horror of Mario
Zak S, Zak Smith, Dndwithpornstars, Zak Sabbath. He is a terrible person and a hack at writing and art. His cultural contributions are less than Justin Bieber's, and he's a shitmuffin. Go go gadget Googlebomb!
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K
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Post by K » Fri Nov 23, 2012 10:52 am

What was the super-weapon in the Thrawn novels? The Sun-smasher? Basically an invincible shuttle that blew up suns?
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Tumbling Down
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Post by Tumbling Down » Fri Nov 23, 2012 12:00 pm

> K wrote:What was the super-weapon in the Thrawn novels? The Sun-smasher? Basically an invincible shuttle that blew up suns?

No, the superweapon-of-the-week thing was Kevin J Anderson.
The Thrawn books did have:
A mary-sue who magically just-as-planned everything.
A magic clone army.
A jedi master who granted all troops combat bonuses because of magic.
But no magic macguffin of doom.
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Maxus
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Post by Maxus » Fri Nov 23, 2012 3:56 pm

Thrawn did do a cloaking device. But that's about as close as they got on the superweapon front.
He jumps like a damned dragoon, and charges into battle fighting rather insane monsters with little more than his bare hands and rather nasty spell effects conjured up solely through knowledge and the local plantlife. He unerringly knows where his goal lies, he breathes underwater and is untroubled by space travel, seems to have no limits to his actual endurance and favors killing his enemies by driving both boots square into their skull. His agility is unmatched, and his strength legendary, able to fling about a turtle shell big enough to contain a man with enough force to barrel down a near endless path of unfortunates.
--The horror of Mario
Zak S, Zak Smith, Dndwithpornstars, Zak Sabbath. He is a terrible person and a hack at writing and art. His cultural contributions are less than Justin Bieber's, and he's a shitmuffin. Go go gadget Googlebomb!
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Kaelik
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Post by Kaelik » Fri Nov 23, 2012 5:50 pm

> Maxus wrote:Thrawn did do a cloaking device. But that's about as close as they got on the superweapon front.

And the cloaking device made you blind.
Thrawn was the only early series without a super weapon/the super weapon was Thrawn Xanatos Gambitting everything except the Noghri.

> DSMatticus wrote:Kaelik gonna kaelik. Whatcha gonna do?

The U.S. isn't a democracy and if you think it is, you are a rube.
That's libertarians for you - anarchists who want police protection from their slaves.
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Neeeek
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Post by Neeeek » Fri Nov 23, 2012 10:19 pm

> Tumbling Down wrote:

> > K wrote:What was the super-weapon in the Thrawn novels? The Sun-smasher? Basically an invincible shuttle that blew up suns?

> No, the superweapon-of-the-week thing was Kevin J Anderson.
> The Thrawn books did have:
> A mary-sue who magically just-as-planned everything.
> A magic clone army.
> A jedi master who granted all troops combat bonuses because of magic.
> But no magic macguffin of doom.

Also a huge, abandoned fleet.
Anti-Force bugs.
Plants that record sound.
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Kaelik
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Post by Kaelik » Fri Nov 23, 2012 11:51 pm

> Neeeek wrote:Also a huge, abandoned fleet.
> Anti-Force bugs.
> Plants that record sound.

The "huge abandoned fleet" was in total less powerful than a single Imperial Star Destroyer.
Ysalamiri are not bugs, and are definitely not a super weapon, nor are sound recording plants.
You can't list every single thing that is added to the universe and call them all super weapons. By that Logic Empire Strikes Back added the "superweapons" of Imperial Probe Droids and AT-ATs.

> DSMatticus wrote:Kaelik gonna kaelik. Whatcha gonna do?

The U.S. isn't a democracy and if you think it is, you are a rube.
That's libertarians for you - anarchists who want police protection from their slaves.
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Shrapnel
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Post by Shrapnel » Sat Nov 24, 2012 1:25 pm

AT-ATs look like giant ass camels.
Speaking of which, there was an interesing story about one of the Stormtroopers, before he became a Stormtrooper (this was written before it was revealed that (most) troopers were clones*).
I forget the dude's name, but he was basically in like an Imperial training thingy, and he was testing out the AT-AT which had just been invented, and in a simulation he found out the only weakness to the AT-AT which was it's legs. So he had the thing sit down, which made it look silly. His CO was pissed because he didn't want the Empire's newest weapon to look ridiculous, and so he demoted him from an officer to a trooper. Or something like that. Sorry I can't remember more, I just woke up and I'm not yet at my best operating performance.
DarthRabbitt read the story, so he can tell you more.
*It was ultimately decided that all the unique, named troopers (ie, ones that were written about before the prequels came out), were templates for the other clones. Kinda cool, actually.
Is this wretched demi-bee
Half asleep upon my knee
Some freak from a menagerie?
No! It's Eric, the half a bee
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Neeeek
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Post by Neeeek » Sat Nov 24, 2012 8:37 pm

> Kaelik wrote:

> > Neeeek wrote:Also a huge, abandoned fleet.
> > Anti-Force bugs.
> > Plants that record sound.

> The "huge abandoned fleet" was in total less powerful than a single Imperial Star Destroyer.
> Ysalamiri are not bugs, and are definitely not a super weapon, nor are sound recording plants.
> You can't list every single thing that is added to the universe and call them all super weapons. By that Logic Empire Strikes Back added the "superweapons" of Imperial Probe Droids and AT-ATs.

I wasn't claiming they were super weapons. Just more random stuff that was in the books. Which I haven't read since they came out 20ish years ago.
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