Content-Type: text/x-zim-wiki
Wiki-Format: zim 0.4
Creation-Date: 2020-08-08T00:43:09-03:00

====== Old Snippets ======


"Oh I //love// your enthusiasm."  
"Just tell me they won't be lil' bitch pushovers like those Abyssinian losers, 'cause I need me some challenge!"  
"Is that a joke," Tempest interjects, frustration //very// evident in her voice, "A death wish, or both?"  
"Girl, you should've seen the Abyssinian resistance, 'cause //that// weak-ass shit was both and a side of fries--"  
"Our target," the Storm King interrupts, wresting control of the conversation, "Is Equestria."  

"//Ooooh,//" Anon's lit up like a kid in a candy store. "Shooting for the big leagues? I like it."  
"I had a feeling you would."  
""

"Don't underestimate the princesses," Tempest interjects.  
"I wasn't planning on it, Commander," the Storm King chides. "That's why you two will be running a little errand for me before we prepare to take Equestria."  
"An errand?" she asks.  
"You two will be... //procuring// some new toys to deal with those pesky alicorns." He opens a folder on the strategy room table, pulling out some pictures of black orbs with green glowing gems in the middle. "Obsidian spheres."  
"That's a new one," Anon hums, taking one of the pictures. "What's the elevator pitch on these suckers?"  
"They turn whoever they're thrown at into lovely, life-sized statues in only a few short seconds."  
"Aw shit, cockatrice grenades?" Anon's eyes sparkled at the mere thought. "That's sick!"  
"That's not the best part, Commander. They also have the lovely quality of being immune against magic." He, as per usual, goes straight for his unpowered staff, making a show of pointing it to the sky. "And once those pesky little princesses been... //pacified,// taking their magic will be like taking candy from a foal."  
"Whew, almost feel bad for 'em," Anon chuckles. "//Almost.//"  

---

"Just that the king's got a surprise waiting for you."
"Is that a happy surprise, or a fight to the death surprise?"
"C'mon, you know I can't tell you!"
He didn't really need to; Grubber was never a subtle guy, and his expression told Anon everything he needed to know about the surprise coming up.
*Definitely smells like a new hire.*
Fishing out the most evil of No. 2 pencils from his armour, he went ahead and noted down his nascent conspiracy theory for later, underneath the section on that pirate captain bird's underwear colour.
In this line of work, one never knows when or how they'll need to blackmail someone.
Putting his instrument of pure evil and his up-and-coming manifesto back under his armour, he and his partner finally made it to the last short bridge to the main tower, crossing it in short order and heading on in.
Lucky for them, the strategy room was on the same level, so there were no more elevators involved in this trip.
The room had nice, red drapes with the king's logo on them serving as doors, allowing the good commander to hear what was going on inside before ever stepping foot in.
"Yes, yes," the voice of the Storm King intoned in his usual 'good king' tone, "The Malachite was a bust, I know. That's why you're going to fetch me something else, Tempest."
*Tempest?*
"Something else?" a different, unfamiliar, feminine voice replied.
*A chick?* Anon's brow was now as raised as his intrigue. *Whom'st'd the fuck did he hire on?*
"We'll get to that in just a moment. For now, there's someone I'd like you to meet."
Just the moment Anon was waiting for. The King always liked to pull stunts like this.
Without wasting a single moment, he pushed on through the drapes with his trademark winning smile, finally getting an eyeful of the chamber's occupants.
He fully expected the Storm King in all his Storm Kinginess, but what he was expecting far less was the smaller lady thing he was talking to.
*Holy shit, is that a pony?*
"Ahh, *there* you are!" the King says, pleased as punch. "How's my favourite commander?"
"Kicking ass and taking names, boss-man. Y'know, the usual." Said favourite commander smiles, gaze locking onto the new face. "So who's the new hire?"
Now, Anonymous had long since learned to expect the unexpected when it came to the Storm King's hires; after all, both he and some creepy cloud monster called Strife had somehow made XO for the guy, even if the latter one did eventually stab him in the back.
Granted, that *may* have been because of Anon's never-ending Final Fantasy jokes at his expense, more than anything else.
He had to say though; getting a pony on board was a move that even he, prepared as he was for the unexpected, didn't see coming.
"This, Commander, is Tempest Shadow. Tempest, this is Commander Anonymous."
Anonymous spent a few moments looking the new girl over. He may have never actually *seen* a magical pony before this point, but he knew a unicorn when he saw one. Granted, he was more expecting the traditional big and white horse unicorn, and not the small, dark purple and rose coloured, mohawk-maned, eye-scarred, broken-horned magical pony variety that was standing before him, looking him over in much the same way he was.
Well, maybe not *exactly* the same way he was; he doubted she was looking over his curves the same way he was looking over hers in those latter few moments.
*Hey, not my fault she came to an evil meeting all naked!*
"What are you?" she mutters under her breath.
*Eep, change the subject!*
"So," Anon begins, hoping his observations hadn't taken long enough to delve into creeper territory, "What brings you to our little utopia of world domination?"
"She, commander," the Storm King interjects, "Is going to be doing a little bit of work for me."
"Oh yeah? What kinda work are we talking?"
"The 'steal a valuable magical artifact to power my staff' kind of work."
"Ooh, diving in headfirst, ain't she?"
"Yes, but not alone. Grubber!"
Grubber, bless his little heart, was trembling behind Anon's legs.
"Y-y-yeah, boss?"
"You'll be accompanying Tempest on her trip to Hippogriffia."
"*Hippogriffia?*" all three parties in attendance exclaim, with varying degrees of surprise.
"Why, yes! You, Tempest, are going to get Queen Novo's pearl for me."
"*Queen Novo?*" all three continue to exclaim in unison.
"Whew," Anon pipes up, "Knew you were throwin' this one in headfirst, but God damn."
"She's more than capable of handling it," the Storm King reassures him, before looking down at Tempest. "Right?"
"Right," she finishes, the picture of confidence.
*Whoa-hey now, is she supposed to sound that good?*
"I take it this is a little bit of prep work before getting our next mark wiped off the map, huh?" Anon asks, grin beginning to develop.
"That's right," the King replies, grinning himself. "You'll be standing by with the fleet, ready to pillage their little roost at my command."
"Why not just pillage them right off the bat, though?"
"Because that pearl of theirs is chock full of magic, commander. It may just give them an out if we don't take care of it first."
"Cheaters," Anon mumbles, rolling his eyes.
"Let's not waste any more time, then. Grubber!"
"Aah!" the poor little guy yelped out. "Y-y-yeah, boss?"
"Give Tempest the tour, and make it fast! You two leave in two days!"
"Y-yessir!"
"I do hope you'll be ready by then, Tempest."
"As if you need to ask," she replies, smooth as buttered silk, following after a very jumpy Grubber.
Now, Anon already knew why those two were being sent off; this wasn't the first time the Storm King wanted to speak to him one-on-one like this. Still, his eyes were having a difficult time taking themselves off of the new girl, made even worse when he was given a good look at the funny little mark on her--
"What's the matter, commander?" the Storm King interrupts with a hand on his shoulder.
"Oh, nothing," he replies, waiting for Tempest to get out of sight before looking back his way, and out of earshot before he continued: "I just can't say I was expecting your next XO to be so..."
*Smokin' hot.*
"Cute."
*And that, too.*
"Well, that *cute* little pony caused me quite a bit of trouble before she got here, you know."
"What, more trouble than me?" Anon grins.
"Almost," the King fumed.
"So, what do 'ya need from me, boss-man?" Anon chuckles, "Keep an eye on her?"
"Naturally."
*Score!*
"Now, I trust you will be ready as well, when the time comes?"
"Hell yes! You know how long I've been itching to take down another city, man?"
"Oh I love your enthusiasm," the King smiles, "But do keep it in check. We don't need a repeat of Zorgarth."
"Hey, how was I supposed to know that the plank of wood was their mole?"
"Anyways, you had best get your rest."

---

Anon wasn't entirely sure what to make of her response, which consisted of an annoyed snort and accompanying wrinkle of her snout.
"Glad you asked!" the King interjected. "You've come at the perfect time, we were *just* about to discuss our next... *conquest.*" He all but breathed that last part out, his own smile carrying much more menace than the human's did.
"Next conquest, huh?" Anon smiles right back. "Man, feels like *forever* since we took Abyssinia!"
"Oh it has," he continues, still smiling that big, menacing smile of his. "But I have a feeling that *Equestria* will prove to be a bit more challenging."
"Ooooh," Anon lit up like a little kid in a candy store. "Shooting for the big leagues? I like it."
"I thought you'd see it my way."
"Let me guess, nothing but training before we kick ass and take names, just like last time?"
"On point, as always! You've got three weeks. That shouldn't be a challenge for my favourite commander, should it?"
"You fucking kidding?" Anon rolls his shoulders a little, looking as unbothered as possible. "It'll be over before they know it."
Satisfied with said commander's enthusiasm, the Storm King turns his attention towards the pony in attendance.
"That goes for you too, Tempest," he intones, more serious than usual. "You have three weeks to train for the invasion. That shouldn't be a challenge for my newest commander, should it?"
Tempest looks the King right back in the eye, her determined expression failing to crack in spite of the small arc of magic coming off of her broken horn.
"There won't be any problems," she replies evenly.
"I know there won't be."
For Anon's part, he simply leaned against the wall while those two had their little silent stare-down. He'd learned pretty early on that the Storm King was definitely on the Chaotic Evil side of the spectrum, and put his charms to good use to stay on the big guy's good side, a plan that worked wonders for his particular career path of 'right hand of the magical alien devil'.
Thus, he already knew that Tempest's stoic act wasn't going to hold up, and sure enough, she looks away first.
*She'll learn.*
"Now then," the King chimes, flipping demeanour from 'ruthless' to 'cheerful' in his usual fashion. "Is there anything else I need to know about?"
"No," she replies.
"Actually, I *do* have one question," Anon hums. "You know if folks with beaks can chew bubble gum?"
Anon swore that he could hear glass shattering in time with Tempest's expression warping into angry shock. But she didn't have the chance to reply, with the Storm King speaking up first.
"Oh, it's not that they *can't* chew it, Commander. It's that they *try* to chew it. And then they eat it instead. It's disgusting."
"Wait what, they *eat* bubble gum?"
"And they're *proud* of it, too!"
"Okay, can we stop in Griffonstone first?"
"No. But I'll consider conquering them next."
"Deal."
After the pair exchange high-fives, they look over to Tempest for a moment, who just looks away from them both, looking a fair bit angrier than she was before.
"Well," the King proclaims with a clap of his hands "If that's everything, then I declare this meeting adjourned! Both of you, get some rest."
"Don't gotta tell me twice." Anon stretches himself out, cracking his neck for good measure.

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Created Saturday 08 August 2020

