So they def have a halal on you and you're getting a thread. Whoever the person is that's using their job is trying to spook you into spilling more spaghetti to be used in your thread.
im tired of people lying about the ED article i was framed under by jason metloney, or the harassment from everyone around me
and thats true, i got pretty upset over very minor nitpicks
yeah, i wanna stop but people lying is genuinely very upsetting to me
its always been my autistic hair trigger.
sometimes its okay, like if you're not revealing trauma from your past, helping a friend not get harassed, or not letting yourself get doxed
13:41
but lying about other people is unforgivable to me
I'm a huge moralfag, that's why we are having this conversation and it's very important that you recognize that I'm trying to look out for you.
I have a thread just from fighting the kind of trolls kiwi later got rid of, I've busted Bella Janke, Elaine Miller, I've brought tons of milk and earned the respect of many farmers. I exposed Shaymin, I've done things on other sites in the sector.
Even I have gotten slandered with the worst possible thing, they were protecting you from them up until now but now those people will do horrible things and try to make it look like you did.
Whoever has videos disclosing they're an officer is larping, people are very good at lying and as you're autistic you're not good at picking that up, no offense.
I'm legitimately machevalian so that's the only reason why I float in this sector and I focus on the funnies, not the drama and because of this even with the libel on me I'm still accepted in places but you've played this awfully and idk where to even point you until I train you better.
Frankly at this point it'd be better to just have you in a server with other people who like laughing at lolcows and can't help but get baited into getting bullied.
They have a good point but I think their actual meaning is Rachel did bring a bunch of scrotes over and the whole /meta/ drama is thanks to them.
I doubt that'll happen again but plenty of ppl are still ticked about that bullshit
But yeah you blasted through all the moralfags and it's knives out now.
My honest thinking is that you'll have to bail fully on the communities, you've already seen that any 'friends' you thought you had there were fucking with you so why stay
So besides Ralph what were you looking for by joining these kinda communities? Let alone sharing self harm to them.
I know you got trapped in correcting the record but is that why you came in the first place or?
nah i came to vendetta post in the Vocaloid thread, but i had a lot of knowledge on the cows in that community, as well as several others
but a week or two sfter i joined, chris raped his mom and i decided to actually contribute for a change
nah, truth be told im definitely still on the "you need dysphoria to be trans" train, but i dont want twitter retards to drop me so i pretend i don't care about dysphoria
i have ran transmed discourse tumblrs from 2018 to 2021, my most recent is a 2022 blog where i mostly fight with feminists for fun
its pretty simple
1. tell them internalized misogyny isnt real
2. call them bitches, cunts, whores, et cetera. the best responses come from this but tumblr recently banned "cunt" as a word
3. scroll through their blog, find information they're either wrong or lying about, and nitpick every detail
4. make jokes at their expense
Okay I was just curious, why feminists in particular tho instead of a different group? Trolling Nazis is usually fun and p easy, won't get ya heat on most any sides for example.
nah, i wasnt lying. i do think they already have equal rights, and at the very least not oppressed in the united states. i also tend to go for the throat with radfems in particular
anyone who follows radical feminist beliefs
-gender critical, although not all gcs are radfems, the majority are.
-agrees with dworkin or other founders of the ideology
-hates men as a whole, or sees them as lesser to women
There's a few, quite a few who view men as equal. Some of that 'hate' is literally just a post we see on 4chan that we fiddle with a bit to swap the gender of it
17:05
It's a place to let women vent without men swooping in and going um acktually
I disagree that it's 50/50, BP is certainly mainly women, the few trans in this space and gay men.
4chan is still a space where men are sexist about women, as is reddit, both are bigger platforms is all
i got kicked from a server a couple days ago because the cop threatened to attack and slander everyone there if i wasnt banned
so i was sacrificed, all my friends left me, i went to the one person i know who also went through that, from the same group
Being trans is about acting like the other gender for so long that changing how you look is an easier way to be understood.
You came at it backwards, you wanted to justify how you looked.
Prove me wrong.
i never really had a social dynamic in my life, though, and social cues go over my head because i never grew up around msny people, especially not those my age
i dunno how to explain it, but muscles just dont look right to me
i cannot see a reality where i develop muscles, or lose a lot of weight, where i'd be happy with myself, being called a man would make me really happy, but i dont want to be unhappy in other areas
09:39
and they just dont look right
09:40
but as for exercise, ive hated it since i was really young. between my athsma, ankle problems, and general hatred of pain i could never enjoy iy
That's weird, boobs look right on me like it was so natural when they started coming in my brain went yeah there they are, you haven't had a masochetomy.
I got a wooden hockey stick broken over my spine and was paralyzed for three hours, I still workout because it's more painful to live without strong muscles supporting your core. The ambient pain goes up.
i hate my breasts, i hate my voice, i hate my lack of facial hair, my lack of a dick makes me very upset, but being affirmed makes me feel better temporarily
09:43
my ribs & sides usually hurt because, while i rarely leave the house, i always bind when i do, but i bind less than 8 hours and bought a 3x binder so idk why
because im not a woman, ive never been one, i dont get it. like i dont get it at all. if anything, it makes me want to hurt either myself or others depending on my mood
but if im called a man, i feel happy, i feel comfortable, and it makes sense
09:52
its hard to explain
09:52
its just
im not active. i dont like exercise, and i dont get how that makes me not a man
oh
ive never really known a day without bullying, all my friends in high school kinda pretended to be my friend and laughed at me behind my back to everyone i knew
i was robbed of my junior and senior years, though so idk what the average high school experience is like, i wish i had it tho
but maybe its just my natural personality? i kinda enjoy the way i dress and just being a bit nerdy, yknow?
ah
but its like. im a man, yknow? i mostly have sex dysphoria, rather than social dysphoria
the most my social dysphoria extends to is dressing like a man, using he/him, and being called a msn
thatd maje sense
i think the same with me, but as a man, and itd fix half or less as the grand majority of my problems have nothing to do with my sex, just the most severe ones
>the grand majority of my problems have nothing to do with my sex
Exactly and if you had a dick you know it's more likely you'd have been born with a small one right? Would you complain then?
i dont understand what that means, but the reason the autism records werent there was because i grew up in california and the medical office we went to didnt have a way to transfer records
10:22
im medicated, with risperdal for my autism, zoloft for my ocd, and trazodone for my severe insomnia
they transferred some of them, but it was locked with a password & theres communication issues
10:24
im sorry i got so upset about this, but ive experienced dysphoria my entire life, and nothing has helped
transition was my last resort, and i started socially transitioning after my diagnosis when i was 16
i wasnt allowed to dress or act like a man until then, either
i get we've had completely different trans experiences, its...not really comprehensive to me why you hate me all the sudden and think im faking when im being completely honest
im not really someone with agency, i dont even know who i am at thid point, i just kinda exist and suffer so much, if i was a man i'd at the very least not want to cut my breasts off while awake
in person i tend to use more masculine body language and it pissed off my abusive grandmother, which was funny
but bsck on topic, its moreso that if i was told to list my personality traits, how i see myself, or my hobbies, i genuinely dont know
i just know i get severely dysphoric when called a woman and usually take it out on myself or others, but i get extremely happy when called a man, and i plan to fully medically transition
10:34
i guess i see calling me a woman as a lie meant to manipulate others or hurt me and that freaks me out
because in my life experience, it isnt true, and ive only recently started learning why people lie for reasons other than being on accident or for personal protection
10:37
even as a small child i tended to throw people under the bus because i didnt lie as a first response
(you're a stunted adult you have a way better qol and lifespan not being a man I hate to say it but it's so much worse how men are treated and you haven't the foggiest about the difference)
As a small child I'd get scapegoated a lot because I defend others
yeah, i was about to ask if theres anything i can do to prove im not a trender
10:44
i have a feeling ill chill the fuck out either
1. when i get t
2. when they find out what the hell is wrong with both my reproductive problems and seemingly extremely unusual hormonal levels & how i was born
but seriously, last time i spoke to my pcp he said i needed an ultrasound & endo appointment, but the ultrasound was because it seems to him that i have either a tumor or cysts, and the endo was for trans stuff
but nobody's gotten back yet
yeah, it runs in my family genetically, ironically ive never seen a gyno but i also have never had the urge to check it out, i do know its abnormal, though
both honestly, but mostly people hearing me out and realizing that i really am suffering and know why i want to be called a man and why being a man gives me euphoria
10:59
in california we had health care 24/7 and can instantly make appointments, but because of my grandma i was forced to delay my endo appointments, and because of covid the gyno refused to see me, gave me birth control which made the dysphoria significantly worse and made me self harm after being clean, and he just laughed and told me to keep taking them
its the birth control significantly worsening my dysphoria that made me realize i should probably get testosterone, a low dose at first, to see if that helps, since estrogen made it worse
On kiwi you made every topic about yourself tho and not in like you had an anecdote and ppl are tripping a bit too much but like legitimately made it about yourself
>most of the time I, as 19 year old with no life experience tinfoil at random and explain things from my view not realizing that many others are 30 and went through the same thing.
>I can't help but eat bait, I'm not being dragged into slap fights by the same ppl but rather eating up bait that anyone lays out proving they can get a reaction for me and encouraging them to do it more.
Yeah and like you're funny but not when you're provoked into anger, sure it's funny you called me a cunt and reversed it right away but like it's not as funny as someone else sperging
definitely, unfortunately
but its funny because some farmers still like me.
the main reason ive got a lot of people who hate me is because of my stubborn nature
by "help me" they meant try to convince me to detrans, one even admitted it publicly thats what he meant
hell, in the telegram, nobody tried to help me stop sperging out, they just tried to make me detrans
They were likely having you as a pet lolcalf in the telegram or w/e and then decided it wasn't fixable and once you did those two threat posts on the LC thread you became open game
pretty much
i was spanked by my dad when little & yelled at sometimes, but seldom anything else
my grandparents were abusive, but i lived with them, with the rest of my family too, for a year and a half
i had to scurry up to oregon for a couple months because only my brother in law and eldest sister were able to take us in. it was only my mom and i who were unwelcome, but still, it meant we had nowhere to go
my brother in law was, unbeknownst to us, on meth, and would squander all our money & take a week to send us there literally arriving december 23rd, 2021 where he then proceeded to force me to masturbate with his butt plug the following january in his car while he watched, and we soon after had to move in with my nana (maternal grandma) until the end of February because my brother blamed the financial & other abuse on my mom
13:15
i wasnt allowed to bathe or shower because it was reserved for their baby, too
the grandparents stuff? yes, but they took the side of my grandpa because he was a navy vet
the brother stuff? no, because i tried telling mom to ask for help and she yelled at me for "bringing down the mood," she would listen later on, but not until months later
if i was raped, like actually with human body parts rather than assaulted with an object, i think i would too.
but i think im apathetic towards it because its not something that permanently impacted my life
ive known two besides you, ones still on good terms with me, the other is a (personal) lolcow from the czech republic, who used to be my friend, but she was a backstabber, hoarder, doxed her own mother, wouldnt shower for months on end, and spent all day on tf2 or gambling in genshin
There's been a reoccurring thought to me, does my dog have more of an ability to choose than you do? And if so, does she have a soul? What entitles you to one through birth alone?
so, essentially, we're different sides of the coin? what hurts me, benefits you, but what benefits me, hurts you? and because of that, i shouldnt seek justice and just walk away?
Okay then I'm gonna go easy on what I release and see if you have learned from this. If you did then hey congrats but I'm irked that someone in your irl didn't say this kinda shit sooner, maybe it wasn't the right time or place but
There's two reasons I don't need to care about my opsec
1. My alogs all are drama queens who hate each other and thus if I don't make myself apparent they're too busy fighting each other.
2. I'm an actual farmer, I've brought so much milk you wouldn't believe it. Others say that I do the work of 5 and it's honestly true. I'm an example of a sane tranny and any mature farmer and any oldfag appreciates that even if the newfags are just transphobic as all hell.
16:05
I can stand up for myself, currently you can't
16:05
Due to this my suggestion is to switch up names and everything and avoid anything tangentially related to the farms, find new hobbies and new groups, find happy and mature trans ppl like me we are out there
uhhhhh
you can't delete the accounts anymore, and i can reset my password if i get desperate, but while im hesitant about this, i know i need to get off, or else itll hurt me, though
thats true, i know i have, but typically i was not the one to do it first, when i did it was people like cwc after raping his mom, ppp after fumbling accusations of cp
So you threw out two pretty shitty dudes, one who is in jail for raping his own mom.
You don't bully them but instead young women like the trans women and feminists on Tumblr?
nah, on tumblr i tend to leave trans people alone unless they attack me first, in which i do what they do to me
with feminists, i usually wait for them to interact first, but when they post transphobic or sexist shit ill make a snarky comment and wait for them to take the bait
the reason why i never weened off chris or ppp, is because i didnt want to make myself a target
no, not necessarily
i think personality has nothing to do with it, but the way they carry themselves, the way they present themselves, et cetera is about it
for example, feminine cis men can exist because theyve already got male body parts, but trans guys have to at least attempt to pass
yeah, why?
its like the only thing that makes me suicidal is when i feel like all i care about is taken away, but otherwise im extremely afraid of death
If it's purely for myself I'd likely say inner peace, if I could expand it id removed PTSD
17:32
Friends are good yes but true happiness can only be found on your own
17:32
Others are a crutch
17:33
While we are social creatures you put yourself first out of survival, if you put others first you can fall into a pit of greed, not live your own life, become a slave, many more and any combo of them
i guess my biggest trigger for spergouts are both betrayal and lies.
and according to others most of those lies are just how i come off to people, or traits i didnt realize i have
no, when they explain why, to my face, its not something i tend to attack over, maybe ill have an outburst, but i wont go scorched earth
my problem is people saying shit behind my back
Yeah but you're new and probably wouldn't be able to pick up on socks anyways but yes you attacked a buncha ppl who don't like that person over what they said
its not justified, but in the moment i thought i was defending my dignity and that i wasnt gonna let someone call me bpd when it wasnt true. id rather show a now outdated diagnosis list than let people say something untrue
17:51
even then ive known awesome people with bpd, but i personally dont have it
i heard people mention it in video essays, but i saw people bitching about it and linking threads on tumblr and made my account after searching for subjects that interested me
i was in the rogue internet man community from 2019-2021, and for the most part i steered clear until finding splinter communities that thought of me as redeemed in december
18:13
so that large chunk of time was keeping lolcow content exclusively on yt and kiwi, with occasional lcf shit
So what was the age limit of the sfw section? Bit weird that he's essentially doxing ppl to talk about lolcows but I do get the need to prove someone's age
Okay cause that does make a bit of a difference there tho I'm not really a fan of anyone under 18 being in spaces where you watch lolcows, seems rather creepy to me
i was in two servers with a bunch of at-the-time small vocaloid producers, i would infodump about all of my very...disgusting hyperfixations (examples: tcc, edgy memes), was never explained how those were bad and i never had anyone explain anything to me
they ban me after an argument (over politics, but idr much else), i try asking whats wrong and they snap at me, shittalk me at every opportunity, snitched to ghost, one of if not the biggest western producer, although they were smaller at the time, ghost bitches about me publicly when they were 20 or so and i was 15, so i threatened to dump their vsqxs (vocaloid file they put on their patreon for $20) and someone manipulated me into giving them it so ghost spergs again and i found out said person tortured cats for fun
18:32
so then i went and sent a bunch of anons wishing harm on them, one producer DFEing and another writing two songs about me
So you turned on the person who you gave it to over what ppl who hated both of you said with no evidence?
>TCC fixation
Like you watch murder documentaries or?
>Ghost is any Twitter z-celeb
Yeah which is why I'm surprised you took his word for it without any receipts
1. no, i asked about it, they more or less said they were a child and then sperged out and threatened to dox me immediately after, so then i cut them off
2. no i mean columbine worship type shit. i was getting bullied at 14 and dropped it p much the day i turned 15, but i thought killing my school bullies was my only way out
3. yeah, but when youre 15 and want to be just like them and love everything they make, youll do anything
1. Yeah but I mean calling them a cat killer especially since they're a minor is a big jump ergo turning on them.
2. Well has this changed? You said you'd kill anyone who doesn't see you as a man today, to me.
3. So you watched his stuff for a year then joined his discord? Do you have any personal DMs with him or just idealized him from afar?
1. true
2. yes, i found out how disgusting that was and bettered myself, but simultaneously, threatening to kill others is the only way i know how to protect myself
3. nah; i watched ghost since 2014, when i was 11. when i decided i really wanted to be a beloved vocaloid producer, and make people happy.
the producers servers i joined were zionxyz and chiptune123. chip was the one that dfe'd
18:47
and no, i had no personal dms with ghost on any of my current accounts; but i was invited to a gc with them
2. How does escalating to the ultimate violence protecting you? It just shows that if you grew up in a place that didn't coddle you or as a man you'd just get the shit beat out of you on a daily basis.
3. Did you have any personal DMs with Zion or chip? How old were they at the time.
What's a gc?
2. you have a good point. i just never learned what else to do
3. i dont remember, but zion was 15 (about to turn 16), i was 14 (about to turn 15), and chip just turned 14
i only back down when i know i wont win an argument or when im so frustrated i storm off, or when i care about someone
most women i interact with are bitchy, and don't fight when they pick one
my memory is fucking atrocious, i remember bits and pieces, but some whole events are wiped, my psych described it as being stress based but im not sure if thats accurate
honestly at this point, between me forgetting shit and people accusing me of shit that i genuinely dont recall, im starting to think maybe i do have a personality disorder
Men don't have personality disorders, they get drunk and hit each other on a frozen lake shirtless and then have a beer after to show they have no hard feelings
You've lived like a bitch slave for years and you get angry when ppl don't take you for a man but like can't you see why they'd think that now?
I'm not justifying transphobes misgendering you but I'm saying that you lean into the worst aspects of male
>apathy
When it comes to others feelings or safety
>Childish nature
In that you can't learn from your mistakes and refuse to grow up
>Anger
It's fucking adorable when you explode because of how pathetic it is but as I said it's my nature to crush any psychopath no matter how weak they are
>Hangups with feminism
Oh yeah it's pretty ass backwards how you think on that when you're bending over backwards to try and "be on of the boys" like any other tomgirl pick me and also thinking that body parts are what make your gender.
I wouldn't expect you to. My god like my gf is autistic and even she can pick up on his other ppl act, you can't even tell the difference between men and women unless there's a dick there
he actually reached out to help me during my massive freakout this june, got me to stay off the farms for a bit (but i was doing better until the tg shit), helped me get better than i was before, and hes extremely intelligent
21:16
as for how exactly we met, im kinda in a slleep state righy now and dont remember
i just know my body feels like lead and im being in the clouds simultaneously
Perfect because that guy said in my thread that if it weren't for my teeth he'd ask for a blowjob JUST to piss off my alogs.
Like I got dragged into what you're asking for, just stay off that account, stay off the site.
A lot of those people are trying to steer you out of this, and some of its because I didn't get this same chance.
Don't waste it, you're on your damn third strike lol.
You'll find a community way better for you, don't worry.
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